Tony was summoned back to Congress less than a week later. He showed up in a nice enough suit, still looking tired. He took an oath then sat down and stared at the members of the ethics committee. "I know I'm probably here because I had to arrest a few of you." They nodded as a group.
He handed over the folder he had carried in. "Copies of the case against two and the other two were accomplices after the fact, bordering on conspiracy but the prosecutor didn't want to do that. She decided it'd look bad and it would be publically noted instead. That is a copy to be put into the official records."
They looked it over. "This sucks," one said bluntly, staring at him.
Tony stared back. "I don't do more than follow the evidence, Senator Andrews. I don't make up evidence, I don't use my gut instinct. We have him on camera at the crime scene. Then he went to a wing challenge that was his alibi."
"I saw," he admitted, handing it on. "Did he decide to go to trial?"
"Took a deal. A very light deal. The prosecutor was worried about how it'd look to arrest two representatives and decided not to charge the other two with more than public shame."
"Hell," another said quietly. "So they are actually guilty." Tony nodded. "What happened when you came to arrest them?"
"We do not want to cause a scene, Senator Williams. I offered to walk him out to the car without cuffs but he got loud, started the scene, and refused to comply. I had no choice but to officially arrest him and the driving buddy he had. I did call loudly for a Capitol Officer because I was without backup and had two suspects to walk out. They could've escaped if I hadn't. His team got the other two for me, helped me hitch them into the car, and I sneered at a reporter trying to get the story of his life."
"Ah." He nodded. "You were going to quietly arrest him?"
"I'm well aware of politics, sir. I'm well aware of the power of it and the chewing it could cause my agency if I had just went full out tackle and pounced him to cuff. Plus I would've spent the rest of the night trying to find the other three. Representative D'Anders did not comply with simple orders so I had to go to a harsher step in the arrest process. I'm still tracking who tried to stop us on the way to the shipyards. Internal Affairs at the FBI is not being very chatty over that."
"Shipyards?" he asked.
"Yes, Senator, I'm an NCIS agent. One of the senior agents. I serve on the major crimes response team, under Gibbs. The murders occurred at the Naval Academy so it was our jurisdiction to solve."
"I have no idea about any agencies outside the CIA and the FBI, Agent DiNozzo."
He smiled. "NCIS is the military oversight for the Navy and Marines. If they commit a crime or a crime is committed against one, or on a base that is ours, we handle it."
"Oh. Okay. So I'm assuming the army has one?"
"ACIS," Tony agreed with a nod.
"Oh, okay. There's so many agencies in this town."
"He gave the appropriations people a quick list," the head of the panel said. "We can pass that around." He looked at Tony. "You were polite."
"Of course. It never hurts and if they underestimate me for being polite that's their fault."
"Good point." He nodded. "Did your director help?"
"No, she told me if this got our funding cut I was the first one fired," he said dryly but then smiled. They smiled back at that admission.
"So this whole thing was because his wife was cheating?" the head of the panel asked.
Tony nodded. "Apparently. That's what his statement said."
"We have to decide to censure him for that," the head of the panel said.
"He took a plea bargain this morning, Senators. Therefore he's heading to jail. I think that's almost automatic in that case, isn't it? He can't perform his duties."
"Good point." He nodded, looking at the others then sighed. "It really is most inconvenient to have this happen now."
"We solved the case within a week, Senator. We didn't pick the timing, he did."
"Also a good point. Well." He sighed. "Why wasn't the FBI included?"
"It happened at the Naval Academy so it was our jurisdiction and one of the victims was a cadet so our jurisdiction. We only include the FBI on cases when it's crossing agencies or steps on their toes."
"I didn't realize that. So you're like an FBI agent, have all the same rights and responsibilities?"
"Yes," Tony said with a nod. "Just dealing with Navy and Marine crimes. Sometimes we overlap and share a case but usually none of ours are partially theirs. They have their own duties, the same as we do, and we sometimes have to cross with ACIS but again, that's rare."
"I didn't realize that you were a full agent."
"Yes, Senator. I'm a full senior agent of NCIS and we do arrest. We do crime scenes, we arrest, we do everything the FBI does within our jurisdiction."
"That makes sense that you don't have to drag another agent with you to arrest people," he decided. "Did he get read his rights?"
"I read them both their rights on the way to the car and I repeated it to the one I had in interrogation. It's protocol that we repeat them in sight of the recording equipment if they're in an interrogation room. Three of the four had their lawyers there. The other one had his on vacation so he borrowed one of the other ones. He wasn't in a great deal of trouble since he was only part of the coverup conspiracy."
"Not the other two?"
"Capitol Police got them for me. I'm assuming they did read them their rights but that's one reason we redo them in the interrogation room."
"Makes sense," he decided with a nod. "Your director didn't come down to help?"
"No. She was worried about how this would look on the agency."
"Oh. I've seen some political people that were like that," he decided.
"Director Sheppard can be that way, Senators, but she is our director. She will stick up for NCIS."
"Oh, you've got *her*," one said with a sneer and a head shake. "Sorry to hear that you're under her, DiNozzo."
"Thank you, sir, but Gibbs is worse."
"We've heard," that one agreed dryly, smiling at the others that looked at him. "That one with the coffee who barked a lot last year? That's Gibbs, his senior agent. Probably why he came by himself to arrest four people as well."
"Oh," a few said with a nod. They remembered him.
The head of the panel shook his head. "You live in an interesting job, DiNozzo. You're dismissed." Tony stood up and nodded then left. He looked at the others. "If he's in jail we really do automatically censure him. His state's going to have a fit. Has it hit the press yet?"
"No idea," one said. "So we censure that one?" The others nodded and they made it official for the records.
***
Alex was at the bookstore he liked when he ran into Tony trying to get away from someone shooting at him. He put Tony behind him as he ducked into an alley and hid him. The guy stared at him. He stared back. "Did you need something?"
"I saw that, kid."
Alex shrugged. Then threw something at him, making the guy try to shoot it. It went off in his face and he screamed. "Yeah, that's acidic," he said dryly.
Tony sighed. "Thanks, Alex." He patted him as he walked around him to arrest the guy. "He chased me from the coffee shop because I walked out with a cookie." He put the guy in cuffs. "Can that eat his skin?"
Alex shrugged. "Not sure. Probably at least first degree burns but it's vinegar based. So it can probably easily be rinsed off and neutralized if not."
"Okay. Let me get him someone." He called in and looked around. Alex went into the bookstore and found a few he wanted, then left via the other entrance. Tony looked at the local officers who showed up. "An acquaintance threw something acidic on him to make him stop it. He tried to shoot it before it hit him so it went off in his face. He said it's vinegar based."
"Okay," one decided. "He was the one racing down the street to get away from you?"
"Other way around, guys. He was chasing me and shooting on a crowded street. He caught me coming out of the coffee shop up the block." He waved a hand. "I have no idea why he was shooting at me or if he was following me."
"You're an officer and therefore evil," the guy moaned.
Tony stared at him. "I'm a federal agent," he corrected then smirked. "My boss is the evil asshole of the agency though." One of the officers snorted. "I serve under Gibbs, guys." That got a nod, they had heard rumors. "Have him. Please."
"Gladly, Agent...."
"DiNozzo. I'm second-in-command on our MCR team at NCIS."
One of the officers squinted. "Navy?"
"And Marines," he said with a smile and a nod.
"Wow, so a lot of stubborn people," the other officer said. "Good luck with that. The one who threw whatever it was?"
"Disappeared into the bookstore. He's someone I've seen at the club a few times." That got a nod. "He said it's vinegar based and should rinse off or maybe be neutralized easily. Shouldn't do more than scald his face."
"We can let the ER know. Have a better day, Agent DiNozzo."
"You guys too. Have an easy, quiet day." He went to the coffee shop again. He had worn out that cookie getting away from the idiot. He needed and deserved another one.
***
The next time the duo met, Alex was being held hostage by something. Tony was carried in. "What are you doing?" Alex demanded.
"You're both suitable sacrifices," the demon said happily.
"You're fucking nuts. I'm in no way fit to be a sacrifice and neither is Tony."
"You have not had lovers."
"Bullshit! I've had a ton of male and female lovers. I've had two in the last week. Are you blind?"
The demon blinked. "You have not spilled blood."
"You're still blind. I'm the twin of Xander Harris. Do you think I haven't had to spill blood to defend myself recently?" The demon pouted at that. "Tony, that guy," he said with a hand wave of his bound hands. "Is an agent. He's shot more than a few and dates more people that I do. He's dated half the city."
The demon huffed. "They said you would be a suitable sacrifice!"
"Well, I'm not, so you need to tell whoever told you that they're stupid."
"They are." He went to call someone.
Alex heard the voice and groaned. "Willow Fucking Rosenburg!" he growled loudly. "I'm going to kill your ass if you did that!"
"Oh, crappiles of snot!" her voice complained and hung up.
Alex huffed. "Great. The former best friend is stupider than I thought." He got his hands free and went to check on Tony, who was starting to wake up. "You're just tied up and knocked out chemically by the demon who thinks we're innocents," he said quietly. "Just stay there." He looked at the demon stomping back in. "So, now that you know we're not suitable.... can we go home? I need dinner."
"No! I cannot let others hear about my plans! You should realize that," he said smugly. "And you have no weapons."
Alex pulled out something then nodded and lunged, hitting the demon on the chest. "I'm never fully unarmed. I know better!" He fought the thing, getting its sword to use instead of the smaller knife. The demon laughed but oh well. He blew it up using something else in his pocket.
"Yay, emergency kit," he sneered as he beheaded it. "I should claim your status and wealth." He looked up with a huff. "Really? You try me this way? Not like I'm going to lay down and die." He waved. "I want his status and wealth given to my twin!" He felt it leave and go to Africa. He walked over to free Tony, helping him sit up. "Want dinner?"
Tony stared at him. "I'm not sure I want to eat right now." He got helped up and out to the demon's car. Theirs weren't there. He brought Tony home with him to make sure he was fine and the demon hadn't tainted him. He was fine, just disgusted. He told the local cops so they could come pick up the car and go pick up the remains of that demon.
***
Alex bounced up to NCIS's front desk the next morning. "I need Gibbs please."
"He's not in yet. Can McGee or David do?"
"McGee could." He called him. He smiled at the young guy coming out of the elevator. "Agent McGee?" He nodded. "I'm Alex Harris, Tony's friend. I had to rescue us both from a potential sacrifice last night. He's on my couch right now with a huge migraine from the stuff the demon gave him to knock him out. It was partially ketamine and he said he's not exactly having a reaction but he's got a migraine. He wanted Gibbs told."
"Is the human doing it arrested?"
"Some unkind really stupid person told the demon that Tony and I were both innocents who hadn't ever spilled blood," Alex said dryly. "He's not a concern. I made sure."
"Oh. Okay." He nodded. Then he shook his head quickly. "Why would he think that?"
"Someone who's an idiot told him that and he didn't look." Alex shrugged. "Dumb begets dumb sometimes. Thankfully I had my emergency kit." He grinned. "Anyway, let me pick up some juice for him." He headed back to his car to go to the store then home.
McGee looked at the guard, who was shaking his head too. "I think that's an only Tony or Abby problem," he decided, going back to his desk. Gibbs came off the elevator. "Tony's on Alex Harris' couch with a migraine after a demon knocked him out because someone stupid told the demon he was an innocent. The demon tried to get them both but apparently Alex Harris defeated it."
Gibbs looked at him then put his coffee cup down. "Is DiNozzo alright?"
"Harris said whatever it used had some ketamine so he has a migraine like the last time he got exposed I guess."
"Oh, that stuff. Sure. I'll check on him at lunch." He sat down with a huff. "The bouncy one was here?"
"Yeah. I took the report for you, boss." McGee went back to logging in for the day and starting what he'd need.
Gibbs shook his head with a slight sigh. He sent Tony an email demanding a report on what had happened and got one back fairly quickly. So DiNozzo would probably be fine. He hoped. Tony was miserable when he was on desk duty. He passed that up to the director, who was even more unhappy with that. Plus a lot of chewing on from Congress about how her agent had done his duty to catch a murderer by himself.
***
Alex answered the door. "Hey, semi-scary ME guy. What's up?" he asked dryly.
"I got sent to check on Anthony for the director," he said with a smile.
"Sure. He's on the couch trying to explain to me how two characters that are the same are actually not the same and they both lead back to an earlier third character that no one's heard of." He let him in by getting out of the way. "Tony, you're being checked on."
"That figures." He sat up with a moan, holding his head. "It had ketamine, Ducky."
"I heard." He checked him over then sighed. "Have you eaten?"
"And kept it down. Alex isn't a bad cook." He grinned at the guy then at Ducky. "I just have a little disco in my skull going off."
"Hmm." He checked his eyes again. "Did you thump your head again?"
"Not that I knew of. I don't feel like a concussion." He looked at Alex. "Any idea what else he used?"
"Guys like him would probably buy off the street. He didn't need us to be pure of chemicals so he wouldn't have popped for the really expensive potions. So it was probably fast acting, a dart because I found a shot mark on my shoulder when I checked, and didn't have a paralytic since I could fully move and so could you."
"So a street drug?" Tony guessed. Alex shrugged. "Any way to figure it out?"
"They're still hating on me for me hating that they didn't stick up for me."
"Ah." Tony nodded then held his forehead with a wince.
"Just don't start having visions," Alex joked. "Xander said those suck and they hurt a lot. Plus we've seen seers die of their visions causing damage."
"Yeah, let's not do that," Tony agreed, looking at him. "Is Xander okay?"
"We're not the standard humans," Alex said with a grin. "It's slower with his."
Ducky stared at him. "He can't stop them?"
"No and nothing works on the pain either according to him."
"He can't have some debt take them from him?"
Alex stared at him. "My twin only sees huge battles that usually end up being apocalypse battles. Would he trust someone else to tell them that one was coming?"
"Well, no, I wouldn't either," Ducky admitted then huffed at the end. "That is truly disturbing though."
Alex nodded. "His trainees think so too. But they appreciate he gets them instead of the slayer dream version, which can be creepy."
Ducky shook his head quickly. "That is very weird."
"Then again, we were born right next to the hellmouth," Alex quipped with a grin. "If there's weird, we've probably seen it and shrugged it off."
"Point," Tony said, laying back down. "Need to pull blood?"
"Yes. Did the ER you went to last night do so?" he asked, pulling out what he'd need.
"No, I don't like ER's," Alex said. "He didn't ask to go to one. So we just home treated the headaches." Ducky stared at him. "If he looked too compromised I would've went there but he wasn't. He was lucid, answering questions and joking, just had a headache and the munchies. The same as I did.
"It's just that reaction to ketamine, which they can't really do anything about and couldn't then since it'd been long enough for him to wake up. So you can't undrug him because it's metabolized fairly well by then. Which I have to wonder why it took him so long to get you there, Tony."
"We can check for what was in it," Ducky said. "Though he should go to an ER if he's damaged, Mr. Harris."
Alex stared at him. "We grew up reading Willow's mom's medical textbooks. Xander and I are both a bit better than paramedic trained. If he seemed to be reacting too hard I would've gotten him there. He wasn't and he didn't ask to go to one either. We drove past three on the way here. I would've stopped if he seemed to want to go or needed to go."
"Experience can train other things into you," Ducky said.
"Yeah, I know that from my six concussions before graduation," he said dryly. "And Xander's had a few more since then."
"Oh, dear."
"Yeah." Alex grinned at him. "We're also very good at stitching, splinting, and can go up to the point of removing minorly inconvenient things like spear tips from someone. Though Xander is ahead of me because he had to read an obstetric textbook to help one of the girls since there wasn't a doctor local to her area."
Ducky grimaced. "That's....sad in many ways, lad." He drew blood from Tony. "All right. You rest. Try to save everyone from Gibbs tomorrow." He patted him on the head. "Try to eat as well to help that be flushed out of your body." He looked at Alex. "How good are you at those sort of things?"
Alex took off his shirt and pointed at one scar. "I did that while dead drunk in a mirror with kitchen thread and a pair of pliers attached to a back scratcher at ten."
Ducky looked and winced. "Oh, dear. Ten?" he demanded.
"Yeah, that's when I got cut." He turned to look at him. "We've been handling our own medical care for a *long* time. Though Willow used to stitch us when she was feeling generous and her parents weren't home. I wish she had been able to take out my appendix instead of the hacks at Sunnydale General. But hey, I survived. A lot didn't."
Ducky walked off shaking his head with another sigh. He really didn't understand young men like that one.
Alex looked at Tony and shrugged, going to lock the door. Then he came back. "Want to try the sandwich again? It's probably soft from the dressing."
"Please." He took his plate from the fridge and settled in to try to eat while going back to explaining the origins of the character trope that Alex had stumbled into.
***
Tony got onto the elevator the next morning and it was a bad idea. He got off at the first stop, pausing to catch his breath. He blinked at the director. "I'm mildly allergic to ketamine. It makes me dizzy, nauseous, and elevators made it worse." He straightened up. "But I'll sit at my desk and growl at people today so no one has to deal with Gibbs."
He took the stairs slowly up three floors before she said anything. He sat at his desk with a sigh of pleasure to be sitting down. McGee looked over at him. "Last time the ketamine gave me three days of stomach and head problems. So day two, going about normal."
"I remember. What did your host do that made Ducky groan in his office for an hour?"
"Alex admitted he had done a lot of self healing. Including his own stitches. He also noted that he read medical textbooks as a kid." McGee winced but nodded once. "He does neat stitches. I've seen a few over the last few years and they were well done. As professional looking as the ones from Bethesda's ER."
"No wonder he groaned." He got back to what he was doing. "Gibbs was in a pouty mood instead of a foul one yesterday," he said quietly, glancing at him.
Tony nodded. "I explained how opera influenced everything modern literature." Gibbs came off the elevator so he nodded carefully. "I made it vertical today."
Gibbs stared at him. "Ketamine?"
"Very," Tony sighed. "But I'm down to nauseous when I move instead of just randomly. So the usual day two effects."
"Did you keep down food?" Gibbs asked, staring at him.
"Yeah, I did fine until I got here and got on the elevator, Boss."
"That figures. You're grounded for the day."
"Thank you. I'd hate to puke on someone because of your driving." Gibbs scowled but Tony stared back. "I would. You are worse than an elevator, Boss."
"Point." He sat down behind his desk, looking at the empty one. "Any idea?" The boys both shook their heads. "Great. McGee, text her."
"Okay." He did that and didn't get an answer back. "No answer," he said after five minutes. He looked at Tony, who was all but asleep sitting up. Then at Gibbs. "Let me call." He called, still no answer. He shook his head as he hung up, pulling up the GPS on her phone. "JAG courtroom three, Boss."
"I didn't know we had a hearing today," he said, looking that up on the court schedule. "We don't. That's....naturalization. All right." He closed that browser window out for now. Tony let out a snuffle and woke himself up. "DiNozzo, need to go use Ducky's office?"
"No thanks. He gave me a really disappointed look when he came to draw blood. I would like to know what it was for future reference. And if we've found out who those agents were that tried to stop me."
Gibbs looked at him. "They haven't gotten back to you yet?" Tony shook his head slowly. "Call Ducky about your blood results." Tony did that while he called the FBI Internal Affairs division. "It's Gibbs. Who were those agents? We haven't heard yet. Because my agent got kidnaped by a demon trying to sacrifice him the day before last," he said dryly.
"And it does matter if it's related or if we have to run into them again." He listened to the blustering. "I don't care!" he snapped. "You're keeping threats away from agents." He got hung up on so called someone else. "It's Gibbs. Who were those agents that tried to get DiNozzo when he was arresting the representative?" He listened. "I don't care! They threatened my agent and if they're still employed we could run into them again, Sir."
Tony got up to come take the phone. "SecNav, this is DiNozzo. As it was an attempted attack on myself while doing the duties I've been assigned by NCIS that is an act of terrorism and I will have them up on charges. Politics be damned. You played plenty to get to your spot and if I have to join that game we'll see what I learned from the training academies I went to that had it as a class," he growled.
"Now, who were they? Before I decide you're part of them, Sir." Gibbs winced at that. "If I have to, I can do that. All the way to the top. Suing to get that information would work that way as well and out them publically. Now, were they the Henderson-run group or the one run by Starva? Or were they some third party group of morons who shouldn't have badges?"
He listened to the man bluster. "That's fine. I'll start with an FOI request in a few minutes and then sue when it's blocked," he said smoothly. Then he smirked. "Well, no, I've all but decided to go to law school after I leave here, SecNav. After all, I won't be here forever and people want me to go law and maybe even run for office. How will that look on your own political ambitions?"
He hung up on the man. "If it's not here in ten minutes I have the FOI request already started and sent." He sat back down with a huff. "Ducky said my blood work results were locked by order of the Director, Boss. Would you like to go get them from her? Or should I go growl? I think I can do a good impersonation of you growling after years of hearing it."
Gibbs stared at him. "Not cute, DiNozzo."
"I know, the nausea is making me too green for that. It's not really my color." Gibbs walked off shaking his head to go talk to the director about her stupid this time. He got notice that the FOI request was blocked so sent over papers that Alex had prepared to sue them for threatening his life while he was on duty. It went with a nice cover letter outlining all the laws they had broken, including terrorism laws. It made Tony happy that someone over there was going to be screaming soon.
McGee looked at him then sighed loudly. "Will we have an FBI?"
"Do we need an FBI?" Tony asked back, looking at him.
"Probably. They have jurisdictions we don't."
"Homeland has that covered. They overlap."
McGee thought about that. "Well.... would we rather have Homeland or the FBI?"
Tony considered that. "I'd rather have the small agencies that did it on their own before they got rolled into Homeland because they ignore a lot of their duties, which usually falls on the shoulders of everyone else without warning.
"The FBI...if they reformatted so they were actually doing legal things again, that'd be great." They shared a look and Tony grinned. "Them losing the sixty-four agents aligned to three terrorist organizations won't matter too much to them, even if one of them is the SecNav's daughter's boyfriend."
McGee nodded. "I hate politics."
"I try to avoid it but sometimes it tries to bite me."
"Why were they going to sacrifice you?"
"Alex heard who the demon called to tell her she was wrong about us being blood and sexual innocents," he said dryly. McGee moaned. "And I'm pretty sure he named her a Rosenburg."
"Like that one witch?"
"Yeah. From what he noted during the argument before he kicked the demon around and killed it? Yeah, her."
"Charming." He nodded at that. "You've shot people on the job."
"Yeah, so has Alex." He shrugged with a grin. "She's got problems but that demon's dead. Alex stole his sword and killed it. When we got back to his place he told the locals to come take the demon's car we had borrowed and let them go clean up the mess."
"I'm so glad we don't have to do that," McGee told his computer monitor then shook his head quickly. "Those three groups? Are they spreading?"
"Into Homeland. One's got a CIA guy trying to stop it and failing hard." He smirked a bit. "They're not going to be happy since I've sent that same lawsuit to a few reporters I used to date and files to back up why I asked about those groups. After all, it's not our jurisdiction to arrest at the FBI." He smiled like a politician. McGee shivered but nodded and let out a tiny whine at that evilness.
They both heard the shouting from up there so Tony got up and strolled up there, having had much practice after concussions he could make it look casual. He walked into the office without knocking. "Gibbs, she's helping aid the three terrorist groups in the FBI," he said. "I've already filed a lawsuit since they turned down the freedom of information act request. Let her hang with her political friends."
He walked off again. "If Congress members call her *her* in a derogatory manner, they're not pleased and if they cut the office I'll go to law school and maybe take up the calls to become a politician." He waved a hand in the air with a smirk for his boss, who was shuddering. "By the way, I announced the lawsuit I filed as our jurisdiction doesn't include arresting FBI agents for their terroristic ideas."
"I was trying to protect your reputation," she sneered, standing up.
Tony snorted. "Alex said it was someone like Rosenburg who told the demons that I hadn't shot anyone. Clearly he didn't look at things since he thought we were both innocent." He smiled. "I can prove I'm not." She shuddered, stepping away from him. "Also, you're not entitled to any medical information at all, Director. That's illegal." He found the folder on the secretary's desk with his name on it.
He looked inside. "Hmm. Personnel jacket." He looked at her. "Blood test results? So I can tell others that I got exposed? I have no doubt someone's going to try to drug test me this week as a political move." She threw it at him and Gibbs walked off shaking his head.
"Thanks!" He waved and walked off reading them. "Well, I was right, it was ketamine laced and it's a club drug, Boss." He let him see it before taking it back and taking the file down to personnel. He handed it over with a smile. "The Director wanted information she wasn't entitled to by law?"
"She thinks you have two kids too."
"No. I'm snipped. No kids at all." He smiled. "Not that it'd matter to here."
"No, it wouldn't and she doesn't have the right to that information if it's not in your file. She's trying to say you lied on your forms, DiNozzo."
Tony laughed. "No. I didn't. I did exclude my paternal donor as he's not in my life and I only talk to him when he shows up to annoy me. He's noted as my father but we don't associate." He walked off. "You can warn her or send her the regulations on what she's allowed to have from my file."
"I've done that. She got mad."
Tony shot her another grin from the doorway. "That's her problem." He walked back up the stairs and into the back of the Internal Affairs people for NCIS. "I knew she'd have me drug tested." He handed over the results. "You'll find that and some sherry from some mushrooms I made myself last night. Let's go pee in a cup."
The group stared at it then at him. "The Director stated you lied on your forms," the lead one said. "She said you're hiding a family."
"She's full of shit. I'm snipped, have no kids that I know of, and while I did not fully include my father we don't associate so he's not relevant. I asked first. Let's see her proof." They handed over a file. He read it over, frowning. "That's my Uncle." He handed it back. "I'm not named after him either. We don't share a name and I'm not sixty." They looked at it and nodded.
"Any other proof she decided to dig up? Though we all knew about his second family. His marriage was politically sound and business based. She doesn't mind that his mistress is his real family. She didn't want to get married either but her parents made her for their own business dealings."
"It sucks at that level," the lead agent said. "She claims that your uncle doesn't exist." Tony frowned but sat down with a sigh to pull up the man's facebook page, letting them see it. Including pictures of him with his second family in Cozumel, Mexico. "That's the same man," he agreed. "The same children too." He looked at Tony. "What is her problem?"
"I'm not under her thumb. I'm better liked among politicians than she is. And I'm in her way of getting Gibbs back for good. Plus she had me on an undercover op that turned nearly fatal for me and she had to cover up because it's not fully legal. She flashed back to when she was CIA."
"I've heard. That op is now classified."
Tony grinned, shaking his head. "I did not ask for that and I did not sign an NDA for it. My agency one does not cover undercovers. That's come up in the past when the FBI tried to step into one of them." He leaned back, hands behind his head, smiling at them. "I'm sure you remember Presser showing up."
"Don't remind me, DiNozzo." He looked at the other agents then him. "Let's go drug test you before anyone says things."
"I'm told that a witch told the demon I was a blood and sexual innocent. He took her word for it instead of looking. Myself and Alex Harris both."
"Ah, that name. She stated you're in a relationship with him which violates the law."
"I usually sleep on his couch. He has a guest room I can use but I often fall asleep to his movies when I'm visiting. I'm allowed to have non-sexual friends."
"You are. Many teams are like that as bonding anyway." He took him to let him pee in a cup then had it run in the labs. One herb came up but it wasn't banned. He went to report that to the director, who was throwing an awesome fit with someone on the phone. "You'd think former agents would have better investigative capabilities, Director." He laid out the evidence.
"That's his uncle. Who is in Mexico with his second family. Who DiNozzo said was known about by everyone since his marriage was for the business deal. Including the fact that the uncle has a very nice, very filled facebook page since two days after it noted he joined the site. The first post on his page was his happy retirement message." He stared at her.
"He's still in an illegal relationship!" she said with a point.
"He's not sleeping with Alex Harris. I talked to him personally and he laughed at the idea. Tony's not into his type and he's not dangerous enough to attract a Harris since his twin is drawn to arms dealers and the like." She shuddered, backing away from him. "Alex Harris told us how that kidnaping happened and we were all amused that someone was that stupid that they thought he hadn't had to fire in the field."
He stared at her. "We also have the test results of what he got exposed to." He stared at her. "Politics will ruin every agency, Director." He walked off looking happier. "Gibbs, did you do your mandatory CE updating?" he ordered as he walked down the stairs. "There's nineteen seminars, you did three."
"I did five," he corrected. "I put it on the same system they showed me." He pulled it up to show him. "I've since done two others."
"Good!" He nodded at his junior agents. "Keep going. There's still talk of us being shut as an agency. If you don't have them you get to retire to being a civilian for good. Other agencies hated that you might come up for hiring." He looked at Tony. "The FBI now hates you."
"Oh, I figured," he said dryly, smiling at him. "Especially since I found terrorists over there." The agent winced and moaned, sounding aroused. "Exactly." He smiled. "Have a great day."
"You too." He left to go tell the other agents. They had to watch over that way to see if anyone at NCIS was compromised. The fact the SecNav was covering for his daughter's boyfriend was amusing to them all. One of them told their Secret Service girlfriend so they could clean up their mess too.
That afternoon a senior agent from the Secret Service showed up to stare at Tony. "Thank you for finding those groups when they came after you, Agent DiNozzo. Plus finding all the ones willing to hide them from the law." He smiled at him, getting a grin back. "They will not try to attack you again."
"Why did they try to attack me the first time?"
"It would ruin your team and bring down NCIS slowly, which would let them work on their own goals without having to run into Agent McGee. It went with the political plan to defund the agency." He looked at him then at Tony. He looked at Gibbs. "They thought you were too slow and old school to get in their way until they tried something major but they'd shoot you then."
He looked at Tony again. "You can relax that they're all fired and going to jail. Including the one in the CIA who was playing with them to further his own agenda." He handed over the lawsuit's paperwork. "This will be settled quietly with the notice of their arrests and convictions. Which lawyer did those? They're positively evil."
"Alex Harris." He grinned. "He's a club buddy and sometimes we watch movies."
The agent nodded at that. "That figures."
"Was it related back to the ones against him?"
"Yes, one of them did. And the demon, who the Witch Rosenburg admitted she intentionally gave the demon your names to make sure the demon was distracted while the slayers had to handle a battle soon."
"Alex killed it. I was still woozy."
"I'm sure you were. With that drug in your system, I would've been in the hospital."
"I have experience being dizzy at work."
"We've heard." He glared at Gibbs then at him. "Someone over there is willing to give you a spot to help fix the problems but they'd probably fire you at first chance to finish hiding it."
"I'm fine here. If I have to retire from here I've talked myself into going to law school. And people have asked me to run for a higher office."
The senior agent winced but nodded. "There's been visions where you were one and handling the emergency going on." He stared at him. "Have fun at law school when you go there. By the way, your director is being called before Congress to testify about how she runs this agency." He walked off. "Thank you for finding the messy corner, DiNozzo. Next time call us before you go to the press?"
"Maybe." He smirked at him. "Sometimes they're faster."
"True, they are. But noisy." He went up to the head office to give over that summons. "That is an order to appear before Congress in two days at one in the afternoon to defend NCIS."
"DiNozzo can. They like him."
"They want to talk to you about how you've run things, Director Sheppard." He left, going to tell his boss about all that.
Tim McGee looked at Tony. "This is the second time I've been really proud that I was agent. The other time was when I first got my badge." Tony grinned. "There's agents scared of me finding out they're dirty." He smiled at Gibbs then got back to his necessary reports.
Tony smirked at Gibbs. "I'm sure Alex would be happy that an agent thought his lawsuit filing was good."
"Probably," he agreed dryly. "If you find more, let me know. And find Agent David."
"She's still at JAG," McGee said after checking her phone's GPS.
Tony called over there. "It's me," he said quietly. "Gibbs is mad that no one told him they were borrowing Ziva David. Should he growl at someone tomorrow or will she be back?" He smiled. "I'm good. Just a bit headachy and dizzy still. So who wanted her?" He heard and winced.
"Ah." He nodded. "Should we expect her tomorrow or is she still testifying?" He winced again. "Okay. Thanks. Let me know when she's released back here? Thanks." He hung up. "It's a multi-agency testimony about liaison agents from other countries, Boss."
Gibbs winced as he nodded. "Understood. Tomorrow?"
"Maybe after noon."
"Great." He sipped his coffee and got up to refill his cup. "Go home, you two." They fled for the day before he got back to his desk. He had to see how much flooding the coming storm was going to cause. He hated politics. It always brought problems.
***
Tony hummed as he walked up the halls of Congress, again. A few people gave him dirty looks so he stared at the worst offender. "I'm not here for you. Your thefts only marginally hit the Marines and Navy and it's not a major crime I would need to handle, Senator." The man huffed off. Tony went to the right office, knocking before walking in. He smiled at the assistant. "He called for me? I'm Agent DiNozzo."
"Yes, sir." The assistant announced him and the senator let him in.
"What did you need my help with, Senator?" He sat down comfortably in the visitor chair.
"I have two important but minor problems I think you could help me with, Agent DiNozzo. And one major one that's probably going to end up on your plate soon." He handed that file over.
Tony looked it over. "Circumstantial but bad. I can look into that." He looked up. "I don't usually do favors however. I don't like to play politics with my job."
"Two may be. My daughter is dating two different military members. I cannot get a background check done on them for the life of me, no matter who I ask. They are your sort of being if they're as dirty as I think."
Tony looked one up on his phone then shook his head. "Special Services." He put his phone back up. "I looked up your daughter's file." He stood up. "Let me look at this problem, Senator. Thank you for turning it in when you ran into it."
"My daughter's file?"
"Yes. I've seen her name a few times on files that were sideways related to a few cases." He smiled. "She's strong. You raised a strong girl." He left with the file. He did tell Gibbs on his way to the car so he was warned that politics was coming. Gibbs hated that but wanted to end that problem soon.
By the time Tony got back to the office, he had a pissed off daughter waiting. "Agent DiNozzo, did you expose me to my father?" she demanded when he came off the elevator.
"He wanted me to do a background check on the two boyfriends he thinks you have. So I did a small check on your name and noted you were Special Services. Which is all he got told." He smiled. "He wanted to bribe me with a robbery case." He sat in his desk chair. "Your file, which we've run into a few times as a side of a case, is not listed as classified." She huffed.
He pulled it up to show her. "All I mentioned was Special Services. Which could mean you're a secretary to a Spec Ops group. Or you could be an agent. It's up to you to divert his attention. I'd use the pregnancy if you haven't told him yet."
She rubbed her stomach but nodded. "I haven't." She stared at him.
"That's all I told him and he could have heard that from other sources. They didn't cover your backside very well, Valerie." He smiled at her. "Which meant he no longer tried to get me to do him a favor to do a background check on your two boyfriends."
"They're not but Dad won't accept that." She stared at him. "Why?"
"Because I'm pretty ethical. He had found the edges of a theft ring."
"Oh, charming. We've already stopped that though."
"We'll make sure," Gibbs told her.
"I realize that. Thank you for not outing me fruther."
"No need to or any reason to, Valerie. Go tell your dad the happy news that you're knocked up and neither one of those he's worried are scummy are the father."
"He'll scream." She walked off, going to calm her father down. He had already told her mother, who was calm. She already knew all this. She couldn't lie to her mother, she knew everything. Her boss had told her mother everything and then sent her to talk to the harridan herself.
Tony looked at Gibbs, who was shaking his head.
***
Alex showed up at NCIS a few days later, eyes wide. "Is DiNozzo in? Or maybe Gibbs or McGee? My brother's recent date is a big problem. Huge, big problem. And an active duty Marine."
"Abusive?" the guard asked, calling up there.
Alex grinned. "No, that's one thing he's not. He's really sweet to my twin. Treats him great. But I'm pretty sure he sold a nuke."
"Oh, shit," the guard said. "In the US?"
"No, my twin's the watcher in Africa."
"Not sure that's worse or not," the guard admitted. Gibbs came off the elevator. "Him, sir."
Alex looked at him. "He's a problem and yet not a whole problem." He led him off to tell him about Xander's current date. Xander had introduced them so he had done a background check then talked to his twin. Who agreed he was bad but not evil for a change. Gibbs looked the guy up and groaned at what he saw. Alex nodded.
"I like how he treats Xander. I like how he's supportive of the girls. I like how he's helping. But I don't want to visit my twin in a radiation ward. I warned him not to be harmful to my twin or I'd get him. And then I heard he sold a nuke. I can't let Xander get involved in that, even if it might help his battles someday."
"I can talk to someone over that way to see if that rumor was true, and point out your twin's in a hard spot. If we can get him to stop selling higher level weapons he may be helpful for your twin."
Alex hugged him. "That's what I was hoping for! Thank you!" He ran off to go back to work.
Gibbs called someone at the Pentagon about that problem. He could reign in his soldier. If he was undercover it'd be handled without hurting the twin brother. Because no one wanted to see Alex destroy things or people to save his twin. They had realized that Xander was bad enough when he had helped his twin heal. They didn't want to see what Alex would do. He was unpredictable, hyper, and tilted toward doing wacky things with artifacts that could destroy a country. No one wanted to see if blood told.
***
Alex was pouty because his twin's boyfriend wasn't mad at him. He realized that Alex would tell someone and he had agreed to reformat his business interests to help support Xander and his trainees better. Which meant Alex just reminded him to be good to his twin or else he'd kill him in the most messy manner he could. Xander had rolled his eyes but grinned at the extensive shovel talk.
Someone kicked in the door and stomped in with a gun. Alex didn't have time to hit his security alarm. But he was still a Harris. The guy screamed as he went down to the thrown knife Alex had been using to cut some cheese into chunks. "Really?" he asked. The guy had a few buddies but Alex had the first guy's gun and shot them all non-fatally. Then he picked up one's phone to call from it since his was in the living room.
The head of the community's security team leaned in. "Mr. Harris?" he called.
"I'm alive. They're alive but injured." He leaned out of the kitchen, nibbling on some cheese. "I've already called 911 on myself using their phone. Can you grab mine? It's in the living room." He pointed. The guard came in to get it for him. "They have any backup out there?"
"One driver. My people have already flattened his tires and gotten the driver out and cuffed for the locals." He looked at them then at his resident. "Are you all right?"
"Pissed. I'm wondering if this is because of my twin's boyfriend?" he asked, staring at them. They shook their heads. "Then why did you break in here?"
"General Zod sent us," one moaned, trying to move.
"Yeah, the bad guy from Superman sent you," he said dryly. "You sure about that?"
"He's not that one." He sat up, wincing as the guard cuffed him then the others. "General Amera Zod."
"Have no idea who that is. Is he a general that's worked with my twin in Africa?"
The military person stared at him oddly. "What?"
"We're twins. Xander's the Watcher in Africa. I'm a lawyer. Which means I'm suing your general since I have to move. He can fund the move." He ate another piece of cheese, waving at the officer in the doorway. "Come join us, Officer. They said they were sent by a General Zod, who I have no idea about.
"I'm hearing who that general is." He stared at the guy, dialing his twin, letting him see them. "So tell us all about this General Amera Zod." The guy clammed up so he looked at his phone's screen. It was Xander and his boyfriend. "I thought for sure it was some of yours, Stephen."
"No, not mine, Alex. I wouldn't hurt Xander's twin. Even if you are the mean one."
Alex smiled. "I'm the crafty and hyper one. Feel lucky Xander doesn't bounce anymore." He looked at the soldiers. "But not yours?"
"No. No idea. He's not down here that I know of."
"No, he's a demon king's general from Za-ra'frat'c," Xander said. "And that's a despot but his people consider him a god king when he's just a sorcerer. Why would he attack you with humans?"
"I have no clue," Alex said, eating another piece of cheese. "Really I don't and now I really should move. So he can fund it. I'm going to sue him in the demon courts for this." He grinned. "Let me work up that paperwork. Be safer, Xander? Please?"
"I try. You try harder too." He hung up with a wave, looking at his boyfriend. "Do you think that one got us confused or do you think he thinks taking Alex out would kill me?"
"Probably the second one. You mentioned the hammer incident."
"Point." He nodded. "He's way behind the time if it was that." He took a kiss. "I'm going to teach math."
"Have fun. I'll come help her with history later." He watched his boyfriend stroll off and shook his head. He had some business to do first, which Xander did not need to know about because he really didn't want to fight his twin. Alex was not mentally as stable as Xander was as far as he could tell. It was nearly as bad as Rosenburg but he was going to end that witch soon if she tried to break them up again.
***
Alex's lawsuit was turned down by the courts but instead, he sent a threat of his own. The general tried to sue him but Alex pointed out the general had sent people to kill him. He was well within his right to use a poker debt to send a threat. The judge laughed and told him he was a human so he pointed out he wasn't. He was a special human. That made the judge huff but oh well!
The higher court's judge team showed up and told him who Alex was, told Alex off for the threat, that he had to deal with the general some other way. So Alex shot him then and there. Then the supposed god-king that oversaw that general. The judges gasped but Alex shrugged back and said 'what else do you expect me to do?'
He claimed their status and wealth with another filing. The judges shuddered because that was an old law that he had found. The judges ejected him but had to give it to him since he had conquered that one. Which meant Alex didn't have to pay anything to move.
His townhouse was on track to sell within three months. His new house looking was boring him to death. Finding this one had bored him too. His realtor met with him that night. His last one wasn't available right now, he was off-plane.
"Harris," he said with a nod. "You have had a great many rumors about you recently."
Alex smiled. "Thanks. I'm proud I ended that threat to my life who had people break into my house to kill me."
"It's said that Toth's hammer got you split," he said with a smile.
"No. Xander was split with that. I got split the day of graduation thanks to the redheaded tornado. She put him back together when that hammer hit him and made us triplets for a few days."
The demon stared at him. "What?"
Alex nodded with a grin. "Yeah, I'm from the Rosenburgian bad idea fund. The hammer hit Xander, I had already left Sunnydale then." He shrugged. "The triplet was neat. We did talk. He told me when he found out."
"Oh." He hung his head and sent someone a message. "Then why are you moving?"
"I had to deal with General Zod." Alex took the phone to get into the site that held the better demon intelligence network, logging into it with his own log-in. "There."
He read it over slowly and shuddered, looking at him. "You took out the god-king."
"Yeah, he decided to hear that same bad rumor and try to kill me to get my twin." He shrugged but grinned. "We're not fainting damsels. That got driven out of us by the time we were six. You don't get to be a damsel in our family in Sunnydale. So, I need to move to a safer house. Preferably not in Alexandria. The houses are outrageous out there."
The demon blinked at him. "Many will be upset that you took them out."
"Then they shouldn't have come after me in my own home."
"You're just a human."
"And humans have the right of self defense. All of us. The same as all of you do." He grimaced. "Sorry but that's the truth and I'm sorry you hate that I protected myself and my twin. It's kinda the job I do sometimes."
"You're still a human. You're prey to ones like that."
Alex leaned closer. "The last time humans were really prey, they ended up creating Sineya, the first slayer," he said quietly, staring at him. "Do you want them to make a new line? Buffy's all about making the girls' lives easier." The demon shuddered at that idea. Alex grinned and nodded. "They should not have stepped into my face. They did. They lost. Did you expect me to cry about it?"
"No."
"I did try to sue him first but the judge laughed. So I handled it as a real Harris does. What did the community expect?"
"I guess." He huffed. "Why come to me?"
"Your brother helped me find the last house. He even did it very fast because I find house hunting very boring. I've got a short list of needs and wants. I'm asking not to be in Alexandria due to the prices and uptight people. I'd like to stay in my current area-ish.
"I know where everything is but I really don't want to live in an HOA again if I can help it. Mine's cool right now but they're voting in whining things so I was going to want to move anyway." He pushed over his list. "That's all I need and will veto one on."
He looked at the list. "That's not extensive. Four bedrooms?" He looked at him.
"One'll be an office. The second will be my safe area. The other can be visitor parking."
"That makes sense for one such as you." He went back to it. "You don't want open concept?"
"I don't want anything that looks like it was made by a Keebler elf because it's cookie cutter. I need something interesting to stare at. Walls let me put up things to stare at."
The realtor nodded at that, going back to the list. "It's not a hard list." He pulled up his listings and looked through them, picking a few selection criteria. "Condo?"
"I don't want neighbors that'll complain if I'm watching movies all night when my date was dumb. Again. My present ones complain about that. Townhouse again I'd probably go for. Row house, I find them kinda skinny width wise but I know they happen in this area so I'd have to see it. Apartment style, no thank you."
"It has amenities."
"Which is great but still...too many neighbors who may get hurt the next time someone tries to hurt me because of my twin." He turned to glare at the demon coming into the coffee shop. Who whined. "I'm still Alex, not Xander. You were stalking my brother."
"I wanted to talk to you about my suit of him."
"Xander will never go to a non-human lover unless he has to. And I like his current boyfriend. Even though he's not the best guy, he's good to Xander." The demon pouted. "Sorry but I won't talk him into that sort of situation." He turned back around. "Xander's current boyfriend isn't *bad* but he's not nice. Nicer than some. Nicer than Anya was."
The demon patted him. "I could claim you instead."
Alex looked at him. "I believe in the Drotoxin protocol," he warned. "And no, you're not my type. I like well built and human male. I'm pretty narrow minded that way to get away from the serial killers that wanted me who were women."
The demon pouted. "I'd be nice to you."
Alex shook his head. "I don't need a sugar daddy. I have a job." The demon pouted but bought a drink to go pout with. Alex looked at the realtor again, shrugging some. "It's been months since that happened," he said quietly. "Am I leaking hellmouth taint?"
"Not that I can tell." He went back to his listings. "There's three that may do." He let him see them. "We can look at them tomorrow?"
"Tomorrow's bad. I've got to go yell at the SBA for someone for making up rules that don't exist that bothered his company's paperwork. The next day I'm probably open. Pending me punching some bigoted agent."
"That's doable in the morning for me." He made a note. "Call me at nine."
"I can do that." He put a note into his phone. "Thank you." He shook his hand and left to go work on packing things that the movers shouldn't touch.
The demon rolled his eyes but it was nice he'd get a good commission out of this weird human's needs.
***
Xander watched the virtual tour of his twin's new house. "That's sweet," he told the video. He had saved it down to watch after this battle because he knew he'd be damaged. His boyfriend walked into the hospital room, getting a weak wave and a grin. "I saved down his virtual house tour to watch while I healed."
"I do the same thing with some books I find boring. Did he find a nice place?" He settled on the bed next to Xander to watch over his arm.
"Pretty nice. Stand alone. Has walls because open concept would drive him nuts and make him paranoid."
"I thought it'd be the other way around."
Xander looked at him, shaking his head. "We know beings who can go invisible so any light streams would have to catch them. With walls, you can check against the color. Even if they're fully invisible it's easier to see against a wall than in the open." He pointed at one in the corner. "Like that one."
Stephen went to look by poking at it. It turned into a warrior, who was not amused. "Why're you here?"
"We wanted to talk to the Watcher about his twin."
Xander looked at him. "Is my twin going evil? Or is he having problems with a legal case he's handling?"
"He has ranted muchly about someone making up rules about demon owned businesses that aren't real but he did take out our King and his top military advisor."
"Alex wouldn't want to rule the people there but your former king and that general did have him attacked in his former house. He wasn't going to let it go. I would've destroyed the palace instead of trying to sue him first and then taking him out in the courtroom."
The warrior considered that. "He would not want to be our new king?"
"No, probably not. Alex is a lawyer who specializes in business stuff so negotiations would probably go well with him."
"Our King thought killing him would hurt you."
"No, he's not the product of that hammer. He's the product of Rosenburg doing it before graduation," he said dryly. "Hurting him would piss me off and your whole realm would go thanks to the magical nuke I know the whereabouts of." He smiled. "I'm highly protective of my twin and he's the same way about me because we know what sort of hell our lives are.
"Frankly, when I die, Alex is going to show up and blow the fuck out of whoever managed it. Then go mourn for me. I've warned him a few times it may happen and he was very upset about it but he was more than ready to show up and solve a bitch."
The warrior sighed but nodded. "Is he trained?"
"Am I trained?"
"Point." He hung his head and nodded. "I will have my king's heirs go talk to him and see if he will give over the throne."
Xander picked up his phone to call him. "Are you open to negotiating to give back the throne part of that stuff you won by conquest rules?"
Alex grinned. "I'm in the middle of a negotiation right now but yeah, I guess. I don't want to be a king. Or a queen, someone offered to make me their queen earlier today because you turned them down, Xander." He smirked. "Have them show up peacefully at my office sometime in the next few days. I'm busy tomorrow morning and the day after I'm busy after three."
"I'll let that warrior know." He blew a kiss. "Have fun. They think you're evil."
Alex grinned. "If I'm the evil one of us two, I'm fine with that." He waved and hung up, smiling at the parties staring at him. "My twin." They just nodded at that.
Xander grinned at the warrior. "I will tell the heirs that," the warrior said. "Thank you, Watcher Harris." He bowed and disappeared.
Stephen sat beside him again, getting a grin back. "Did your twin say someone offered to make him their queen because you turned them down?"
"Yeah. I don't know which one. There's been two of those." He shrugged and winced. "Ow. I hate stitches." He sighed and relaxed again, then snuggled against his boyfriend's arm, going back to the house tour video.
"He's going to want to paint," Stephen said.
"He can do that. We both learned how on the construction site." He shot his boyfriend a grin. "He does Habitat work now and then too."
"That's good of him to give back." He let Xander cuddle. He realized that Xander felt bad and really could use a hug.
***
Alex danced up to Tony in the club, grinning at him. "I successfully negotiated to give the throne back to the heirs, kept ninety percent of the money I won by taking out that one that attacked me at the old house, and kept the status." He handed him a small card and danced off again.
Tony read it then put it into his jeans pocket. He followed Alex to find out what had happened this time. The one he was here to watch would be easy enough to watch while talking to Alex. Alex was in a goofy, happy mood so it was fun to use him as cover while watching someone. Alex wouldn't mind.
***
A few hours later, Alex opened the door, staring at the officer. "Yes? Did I snore too loudly?"
"Is this person related to you, sir?" he asked with a point at the car. "He was found unconscious in his car."
"That is a friend and NCIS Agent Tony DiNozzo, under Gibbs, but yes he can nap on my couch. He's done it more than once." He came out to nudge Tony, getting moaned at. "Hey, it's me. Head injury again?" Tony heaved but shook his head without opening his eyes. "Need an ER?"
"Please. Gonna heave."
"Okay, I have a half bath you can use while the nice officer gets you an ambulance?" he asked him. The officer nodded and called that in while Xander got Tony to his new half bath so he could get sick. He checked Tony over.
"Not a head injury. You got stabbed, Tony. It's a huge needle mark with a lump of stuff that didn't get absorbed." The paramedic came to the doorway. "Hey." He waved him over. "Just found this helping him get out of his t-shirt." He got out of the way. "He's mostly out of it, very fuzzy minded."
"That's bad," the paramedic agreed. "Is he yours?"
"A friend. This is NCIS Agent DiNozzo, under Gibbs."
"Oh! We've heard stories about him and head injuries."
"No, his eyes aren't dilated when I checked. No lump. I've helped him through a few concussions and this isn't how he handles those."
"Okay. We can talk to him in the ER." He helped him up when he quit heaving, letting Alex clean up the mess for them after taking a small sample of the puke that hadn't hit the water. "That'll help."
"Earlier he was working in the same club I was being happy and celebrating in. I gave him my new address since I just moved."
"That figures," the officer agreed. "We found the card in his pocket but not his ID."
"That he had earlier," Alex said. "It was in his back left pocket because it nearly fell out so I had to push it back in since his back was turned to me. It's a club we've both been in a few times so the bouncers know us. Tony stopped a robbery there about two years ago and I've kicked a few butts that were being problems that the bouncers didn't see."
The officer nodded. "That can be helpful. I can have his car searched for it."
"If not, it was probably the one who drugged him. He was on duty earlier. He was watching some military gun running guy. Or at least that's what the guy said he did when he tried to hit on me. I draw dangerous people," he said at the odd look. "At least this one's not a serial killer." He shrugged but grimaced. "Not the first."
"Okay," the officer decided, taking that down. "Any idea who his medical contact is?"
"No. Probably Gibbs would." He frowned, going for his phone. "I have Tony's phone number. Oh, no, I have one of his teammates' numbers." He called her. "Agent David, this is Alex Harris. Tony was found unconscious and drugged in his car and is being taken to an ER." He looked over. "Which ER?"
"General," the paramedic said.
"The paramedic said General and he's without his ID or wallet. Can you tell Gibbs? Thank you." He hung up before she said anything. "If I had Abby's new phone number," he muttered. "Crap. I need to get that."
"I'm sure Gibbs will hear," the officer said. "Thank you, Mr. Harris."
"Not a problem." He grinned. "Tony's a buddy. He's spent a few concussions on my couch. If he gets released today he can come back to nap."
That got a nod and they left with him and the ambulance. That helped a few things and his boss called Gibbs when he heard. Gibbs hadn't been told by his agent but Gibbs could handle that in the morning.
***
Alex breezed into the hospital room and put down the lollipop tree then patted Tony on the shoulder. "Sugar free, a whole lot of flavor without a lot of calories or sugar. Are you okay?"
"I'm good. How did you hear?"
"They found my new address in your pocket so brought you to me. That's when I found the needle mark and let you puke in the new half-bath off the living room. I called your teammate Ziva to tell Gibbs."
Gibbs cleared his throat. "You told Ziva?"
"I called her." He let him see his call log. "Isn't that hers?"
"Yes, that is. I wish she had told me sooner. Before I heard it from the DC Metro."
Xander shrugged. "I didn't have your number or McGee's number so I couldn't do that myself."
"That's fine, kid." He looked at his agent then at him. "You moved?"
"An off-world general decided killing me in my own house would mean my twin died too," he said dryly. "He lost." Gibbs shuddered. "And I moved. Now I don't have an HOA." He beamed. "No more complaining neighbors either!" He beamed at Tony. "If you need the couch today that's fine. You know where I keep my spare key or there's an access code on this door. It's my birthday."
"I can do that. Thanks, Alex."
"Welcome. The coffee flavored suckers are a bit weird, too milky to me, but you like milky coffee. And you have cherry, grape, and orange. I almost let them put a rootbeer but that's a really weak taste and I know being in here you'll need something to cure dry mouth and give you flavor to cover up the taste of the meds." He gave him a short hug then left again.
Tony looked and got one of the ones marked coffee. He tossed one to Gibbs too before opening his to suck on. "Not bad. That does cure the dry mouth and the taste." He licked his lips and went back to it. The nurse came in to stare at him. "Sugar free," he said with a grin. "Alex was in the hospital for two weeks a few months back."
"Fine." She nodded. She left him alone about that. "At least you won't choke." She went back to make notes in case someone else stole one.
Tony looked at his boss. "Going to talk to Ziva?"
"Yes, I am." He stuck the sucker in his mouth and hummed. "That is fancy coffee instead of straight coffee, but not bad." He relaxed again. He went back to the office that afternoon, staring at McGee. "You, Abby, and Ducky talk to see which number Alex Harris gets from one of you."
"I'll gladly give him mine," McGee said. "He's a good contact to have. Why does he need one?"
"He only had Ziva's," he said, staring at her. "She did not tell me that Tony was in the emergency room thanks to someone knocking him out and drugging him after he was off-duty last night." She winced. "In the future, I will know the second you hang up," he ordered. "Even if you don't think it's important. If it impacts the team, I'm to know immediately as soon as you do. Am I clear, Agent David?"
"Yes, Gibbs. It won't happen again."
"Thank you." He looked at McGee. "Find out who did it. He was found in his car near that club he was doing surveillance in last night."
"On it," he agreed, hacking the camera system to find it. "Boss." He let him see them coming out of the club together, Alex giggling while leaning on Tony's arm. Then he went to his own car and Tony went to his, making notes on what looked like his tablet. It had a bigger screen than his phone.
Someone obscured in what looked like a knock off ninja costume snuck up on the car and blew a dart at Tony's arm, knocking him out. They saw him take the glowing screen and a few other things from the car. "Was that his ID case, Boss?"
"He didn't have it on him when the cops found him," he said. "He had Harris' new address in his pocket so they brought him there. Alex had him sent to the ER after letting him puke a lot. He called Ziva to tell me and he found the shot mark."
"Nice work from him." McGee went looking. "That's someone else, a bouncer maybe? He's familiar."
"Enlarge it?" McGee did and Gibbs stared at the blurry picture. "That's the guy on row three." He went to talk to him. The guy saw him and blinked but got up and backed away. "You spotted DiNozzo being unconscious. Did you call it in?" he demanded.
"I thought he was asleep after a night in the club. Probably needed a nap after some cheap ass in the bathroom!" He was backing away further. "I thought his door was unlocked from carelessness."
"No. He had been drugged not even ten minutes earlier. Did you see anything?"
"I don't think so."
"Go watch the film. I want a full report. Next time, you call me to tell me my agent was screwing up so I can deal with it."
"I didn't want him to get into trouble for his stress relief."
"I don't care. I want to know." That got a nod and he hurried over to look at what McGee had found. Gibbs walked off shaking his head.
"Gibbs, he thinks the ninja wannabe is a female."
Gibbs stared at the image. "Not very busty but short, good hips. Could be," he agreed. "Anything else you noticed, Mercator?"
"She's in a jeep." He pointed. "That jeep left next and the driver was a dark haired or wearing a head scarf that was dark."
Gibbs stared. "Call up the details on that make of Jeep. Take measurements and tell me how tall she is, McGee."
"Is that how Tony does it?" He got into those with Mercator's help, he knew how to find car facts. They found out she was probably about five-foot-six and they could get a partial license plate on the jeep from a camera a few blocks over. Though there were two so they looked them both up. That gave them five car owners, two to car rental agencies.
McGee looked at Gibbs. "Six possible cars with the part of the license plates we found a few blocks off following the car. Two identical jeeps." Gibbs nodded once. "Two go to rentals. The others are owned by three owners. One's got his and hers." He handed over the list. "Want me to find their current locations?"
"Start with the rental agencies," he decided. "If they're pros they wouldn't use their own cars."
"Good point," McGee said. He looked at Mercator, who shrugged.
"I hadn't thought of that either. What got taken?"
"It looked like his tablet, he had been making notes on a larger glowing screen, and a few other things. He wasn't found with his ID case."
"Ooooh. That's going to be a bad investigation."
"I've already alerted Internal Affairs," Gibbs told him. "They can keep track of who else has it."
McGee found the rental agencies and called one. "It's Agent McGee at NCIS....oh, it's good you're preferred through the agency. We caught what we think may be one of your cars on a surveillance video last night. We have a jeep, licence plate KBA-1785." He listened. "That's the one. We're not totally sure, but was it out last night?"
He considered what she said, making notes. "That's good to know. Has it been cleaned? Can we come look at it for forensics? No, we won't damage it. Thank you, ma'am. Within a half-hour." He hung up and looked at Gibbs. "Someone using the agency's name rented it last night, Boss. Not cleaned yet."
Gibbs got up and grabbed things. "Get Abby to meet us there." He walked off. "David." She followed. McGee called Abby and got around Mercator, who went to relax finally since Gibbs wasn't going to keep growling at him.
***
Tony looked up from watching horrible daytime tv while sucking on a cherry lollipop, humming as the agent came into his room. "Is this about whoever drugged me and stole my ID?" he asked.
The agent nodded. "Your ID wasn't found, Agent DiNozzo." He stared at him. "What happened?"
"Which agent are you? And which agency? You don't look like NCIS Internal Affairs."
"I'm FBI." He held up his ID.
"Huh." He nodded then got up to look out the door before turning and beating that guy when he blocked the blow at his head. "That won't work. Gibbs hits harder when we're boxing." He banged the guy's head on the railing of the bed then huffed. "Nurse, can I have a security guard?" he called. "This agent just tried to hit me for some stupid reason."
A guard came running. "Sir? You assaulted an agent?"
"I am an agent," Tony told him dryly. "Last night I was drugged somehow and then had my ID case stolen. This one came in and I went to check for his backup because I recognized his name as one of the agents I got fired for being a terrorist. I blocked his hit at me and fought back. Can I bum some cuffs?"
"Sure. Should you be out of bed?"
"No." Tony tossed the lollipop he had dropped then laid back down, but sitting up. The head of the bed nicely came up far enough. He called the number he had memorized in case of emergencies. "Abby, is Gibbs able to be found?" She handed the phone over.
"I have an agent here named Ambry Hendricks. Yes, that one, Gibbs. Part of that terrorist group in the FBI. No, hospital security guard. Thanks." He hung up. "Gibbs will send an agent I recognize and know isn't part of that to come gather him from your team. Thank you for the help."
"Hopefully they can put a guard on your door."
"If I have to, I'll go sleep it off on a friend's couch. He wouldn't care even if he's got a lover in." He sighed but stared at the agent as he was taken off.
***
In fact, Alex was at his new house arguing with an officer that the trespasser was from the last owner and he was the new one. Including having a copy of the deed pulled out to show it had been sold. The ex-husband of the last owner got removed with his two suitcases while yelling about it but Alex was nice enough to keep the dogs he had brought for now.
He didn't want them to go to the pound for their human being an idiot. The officer didn't want to deal with the dogs. Alex looked at his neighbor who had come over to help by telling the officers who he was. She patted him on the arm then the dogs on the head. They knew her enough to be comfortable with her.
It was an amusing day for the officer apparently. But at least he got to play with the dogs. He'd never had a dog before. He'd have to look up how to play with them, what to feed them, and what they'd need when he was at work the next day.
***
Alex smiled at his boss the next day. "I inherited them last night, Boss."
"Why?" he asked patiently, letting the dogs sniff his hands. They allowed small dogs in the office. These were not small dogs.
"The last owner's ex-husband showed up with two suitcases, the dogs, and broke into my new house." The senior lawyer winced at that. "Which is why I had to rush home to get him out of there. Before he planted something or broke something. The officer tried to argue he could stay until I produced the copy of the deed and showed the ex-husband that. Who then threw a fit.
"The officer agreed he could go to a hotel since I had no idea who that was. The neighbor came over to help get him gone. He was the reason the last owner sold the house and moved without telling anyone where. He was complaining that I was sending his dogs to the pound and the officer got huffy that the neighbor expected him to do something about it as an officer.
"So I said they could stay for a few days until he got back out of jail. So apparently I inherited the dogs and if he doesn't come back, well, they're my first pets." He grinned. "I have no idea what to do with dogs but they said you couldn't leave them alone in the house for eight hours. They also said they liked to fetch balls and chew on things."
"They make chewtoys, Harris," he said patiently. "I'll have Alexsis come teach you about dogs. She's had them since she was a toddler and her mother raised show dogs so she can talk to you about training and how they can stay home somehow." He went to talk to her. "Harris just got two bigger dogs dumped on him by the last owner's ex-husband."
She looked up at him. "What?" He repeated that. "Why?"
"The ex-husband of the last owner broke in so he had to rush home to evict him. He had brought his dogs."
"So he's gotten two dogs when that one ditches town?"
"Probably. He's never had a pet. He went online."
"I can go talk to him about pets. C'mon, Boris." Her poodle got up and followed her to the other office. She sniffed the two fluffy mutts that were probably part lab and something with hound in the name. They woofed and the poodle hopped up on a couch to sleep. The other two hopped up since Xander didn't say anything. She smiled. "Where did you look?"
"I started with animal planet's message board." He finished typing and saved the document then looked at her. "The officer took him in for breaking and entering and being a pain in my ass. But the officer didn't want to take the dogs anywhere when the neighbor tried to get him to and the guy was yelling about the pound and I'm evil for sending them there."
"He was manipulating you to take his dogs."
"I figured." He sighed. "This is what I found." He showed her his notes when she sat down. "They said you can't really leave dogs home all day without a way to go walk and pee and stuff."
"Sometimes true." She looked over the notes then smiled. "Okay, they're some fussy pet owners with spoiled dogs." She looked at him. "Most reasonably priced dog foods are nutritionally completely. You don't need the stuff that's twenty bucks a handful. Did he tell you their names or if they're sick?"
"He called one Duke and the other Devil."
"So he's a sports fan." One woofed so she leaned over to smile and pet them. "Good boy. Which are you?"
"I think he's Duke." The dog woofed again. "He answers to it."
"He does." She petted them all then looked at him. "They seem like they're nice dogs. Maybe older. Did they meet you for breakfast when you got up?"
"No, they came in after I got coffee down."
"Their former human was probably bad about feeding them then. Set up a schedule. Dogs, like toddlers, like schedules."
"I know nothing about kids either."
"I get that." She smiled at his wide-eyed look of horror. "We can go over what you'll want to get them. Including toys. Dogs love toys." He beamed and nodded, pulling up a local pet store's site. She helped him order things and taught him how to take them for a good walk. They both peed quickly and kept looking back.
"Relax, guys. We're not the mean people. Want to pee on more things? My Boris would. He never takes less than ten minutes." She helped him learn how to control them better. One tried to go after a squirrel but Boris just barked at it. That dog stopped and slunk down so she reassured it with Alex's help.
That calmed the dog down. Yup, their former human had been a bad owner. When they went back in she went over how to handle them going to a doggy daycare place and which vet to take them to that night. They might need shots. Or be sick. Alex was looking like a fussy first time pet owner. A very lenient, spoiling one.
***
Xander looked at his phone's new email, tipping his head to the side. "Accidental dog acquisition?" he mumbled. "Really, Alex?"
The general he was working with looked at him oddly. "What?"
"My twin." He let him see the email. "First pet in the family as far as I know. I have no idea what to do with a dog outside pet it and throw a ball."
The general handed the phone back, just nodding. "They can be trained for more than that." He got back to the plans for the upcoming battle.
Xander leaned over to point at something. "That's a huge dip in the field. We can drive them into it?"
"We can definitely try and layer the tank on the other side with the gun brigades."
***
Alex saw his security alert and sighed, calling through his home speaker system. "Whoever is in my house, you're trespassing and there's an officer already on the way to remove you by force before I have to show up to beat your ass. This is your only five second warning." He realized the last intruder had bothered his security camera and huffed, sending an email to his security people to fix it.
Tony looked up. "It's me, Alex." No answer. So he called. "It's me in the house. I broke in to sleep. Sure, I can do that. I don't mind dogs." He smiled. "Thanks. Yeah, if the security company show up to fix the camera I'll vet them then let them in." He hung up and laid down for now, turning on a movie to nap to. He'd nap until Alex got home later. He got woken up by a warm, wet nose. He blinked, then petted the dog gently. "Hey, doggo."
"That's Devil," Alex quipped. That dog barked and his tail wagged. "I know, you're both good dogs." He let them have a treat. "This is the Tony. He's a buddy who has couch rights." Tony let them both be petted as he sat up. They liked him petting so they curled up around him. He looked at them on the couch then looked at Alex, who shrugged but grinned. "I inherited."
"From an ex?"
"Not my ex. The ex of the last owner. He broke in to move back with his lost love, who moved and didn't leave a forwarding address."
"Ah." Tony nodded, going back to petting them. "That's good of you to adopt them." He got comfortable, getting doggy friends. He hadn't had a dog before. These were nice, calm dogs. He might like to have a dog when he wasn't working insane hours at NCIS.
He patted one of them on the paw when they sniffed his lollipop tree. "Not for dogs please." That one gave him a scared look but laid back down. He smiled and petted them. "I'm not going to be mean to you and neither will Alex. You're good dogs." They rested on him again.
"Alexsis at the office thinks I'm going to spoil them greatly. And I probably will."
Tony nodded. "It's easy to do. I've seen a few friend's dogs that were so spoiled they'd only drink bottled water and fresh food that was home cooked. So seriously spoiled." The dogs shifted so he could pet them better. They went to bark at the door when someone knocked.
Alex went to answer it. "Thank you for the doorbell, guys." He petted them and let Gibbs in. "He's on the couch again." He walked off. "Food time!" he cooed. The dogs ran to their bowls and got fed. Then he washed his hands and started on dinner for them.
Gibbs gave the dogs an odd look then looked at Alex. "You adopted?"
"Inherited."
"From...."
"Last owner's ex-husband who broke in yesterday. He couldn't take them to jail and I hate the pound."
Gibbs nodded once. "That figures." He went to check on Tony. "They still don't have your ID case. Or your tablet."
"I stopped to check on the car and had it sent to my garage to be checked over. They planted a tracking device at least."
"Great." The dogs came out to hop up around Tony again. "They're allowed on the furniture?"
"I wouldn't force kids I had to sit on the floor," Alex said dryly. "Or put them in a crate. Kids don't belong in cages and they can sit on the couch."
"All right. It's your house," Gibbs decided with a nod. "They might rip it up."
"They're fine," Alex assured him. "I can have it recovered if I have to."
"Sure. They'll be spoiled."
"They're eight. The vet said they've got maybe three years left. It should be a happy three years."
Gibbs just nodded at that idea. Tony was grinning while petting the dogs. "You could get one, DiNozzo."
"Not while I work at NCIS." He stared at him. "I've had whole weeks when I didn't make it home. That's an unacceptable thing when you have kids or pets." He went back to petting them. "IA say anything about the one I had arrested?"
"Nope. Just sighed in displeasure when I told them."
"Do they have my badge?"
"They have no idea who has your tablet or your ID case."
"I already turned off the tablet's everything and long distance wiped it. It's in Alexandria. I told Internal Affairs that." He stared at Gibbs. "I'm starting to connect dots in a strange way."
"Me too. I can't prove it."
Alex came out to hand Gibbs his phone. "Rumors?" He went back to dinner prep.
Gibbs read it over. "That makes sense." He let Tony see it. "That was my second idea."
"I thought it might be the director again," Tony admitted, putting the phone on the coffee table.
"We'll see. I'm going to be leading that investigation." Tony grinned at that. "With Fornell."
"Tell him I said hi."
"I can do that." He texted him and got one back about that address being a school. They had found the stolen tablet there being used by some kids. No relation to any agent but one there was a kid of an agent. He let Tony see it and the video from the security camera.
Tony frowned. "That's the wrong shoulder I was hit on."
"I found the mark on his right one," Alex agreed.
Gibbs stared then texted that to McGee. Who checked the camera. Yup, it had been cut into. And Mercator was in trouble for having darted him. He was already escaping but they found him that night at the train station in Richmond. Gibbs went to talk to him. Again. This time he wouldn't get to be helpful. He knew who had given him orders and had left a tape at his house for his wife to hand over while he escaped. He'd have sent for her later.
Tony relaxed, enjoying petting the dogs until dinner. They didn't beg. He thought that was odd so he offered them some meat each. They loved him for that. Alex did the same. "They need to act like regular dogs," Tony decided.
***
A few days later, Tony showed up at Gibbs' house, staring at him when he came in from work. "I got a visit earlier by an FBI agent who said I was being fired for finding dirty agents. So I pointed out I found three terrorist groups within the FBI. It's not about that. It's about that undercover. The CIA is mad."
Gibbs winced. "You sure?"
"According to the senior bureau chief of Baltimore that showed up earlier." He smirked a bit. "He got sent so it was subtle."
Gibbs nodded once. "So what are you doing?"
"I'm suing her." He handed over the papers. "And the agency. And a few others." He smirked happily. "By the way, my ID and badge are in Fornell's desk. Have been for two days. He didn't want involved but kept it from disappearing."
Gibbs called him. "Tell me what's happened," he ordered. "Yes, about him before you complain." He listened then huffed. "That's not going to happen. DiNozzo, you can't sue NCIS."
"Yes I can. They've tried to blackball me and take my retirement. I have to so I get that back." Gibbs muttered as he walked off talking to his buddy in the FBI. "I've already told the Secret Service guy who got the others for me because I was suing them to out those plots," he called after him.
"He swore a lot because he dropped food in his lap and then told his boss, who went to stomp someone." He grinned again when Gibbs walked back to the doorway to stare at him. "They asked me to. I was nice before I filed it." He crossed his feet. "Which is why I got a senior agent showing up on my doorstep about two hours afterward."
Gibbs listened to Fornell telling him what was going on and huffed again. "The President has heard and laughed."
"Well, he shouldn't have put a spook in charge of the military cops." He shrugged. Then he smiled. "She also tried to backdate my paperwork so I wasn't listed as an agent six months ago, when we got that group problem and the rape cases."
"Do the prosecutors know?" Gibbs demanded.
"Yeah, they were my third call. They looked, said she only got half the paperwork, and then promised to hang her from the statue out in front of the agency. He told the JAG while on the phone with me and the JAG has a really dirty mouth. Did you know he can swear in two languages, Gibbs?"
"I don't want to know that now, DiNozzo." He stared at him. "You're okay?"
"Amused as hell," he said smugly. "Because even if she wins, she loses. She's backed into a corner. There's no political recovery here."
"She could have you sniped."
"Alex is my heir at the moment and he's *the* vindictive queen I only temp as." He smiled. "And he knows to tell *everyone*. We're talking made into a tv movie telling everyone. And he's not going to be scared by agents."
"Oh, fuck," he muttered, going back to the kitchen talk with Fornell. Who agreed about that end game. There were a lot of higher ups who were scared thanks to her pulling that undercover and how she had managed it. Up to the president's desk and he was going to be found out too thanks to Tony telling press people.
Gibbs was about to start swearing but he wanted to not be heard doing it. In the living room, Tony turned on the tv and laughed at a few things. That laughter made his butt clench because that was not a good sound. Oh, this was going to be so evil. Especially if Tony had told all the people he knew.
***
Law and Orderly Chaos.