Alex walked his dog into the courtroom, having him lay down under the table. The judge stared at him. "I had to pick him up from the vets. He had an overnight from seizures and the daycare I use won't let him come in. So he's being a therapy dog today for stress relief if someone needs some petting time to calm down." He sat down with a fake smile.
The judge looked at the other table then at him. "Is that really considered appropriate to you, Mr. Harris?"
"I'm sure that I'm not the first who had to bring in a kid, mine're just fuzzy."
"No lover to take care of him for you?"
"No, I doubt the jewel thief and assassin I was dating last month would be a good dog babysitter today. Especially since she's in Argentina overthrowing someone or other."
The judge blinked. "They were what?"
Alex shrugged. "Not the first one, Your Honor. Only those at least mildly naughty will love me like I should be valued. I am precious enough for a thief to covet and steal."
The judge nodded once at that. "I can order you to send him somewhere."
"Then I can hold my part via video chat."
"Whatever," he muttered. "If he messes up my courtroom you clean it up."
"Of course. He's my dog. Why wouldn't I as I apologize?" he asked with a confused look.
The judge nodded. "Fine. Your client could probably use the stress relief petting."
"I'm open to others who need it borrowing his ears for that. As long as they're not mean."
"I'll consider that later, Mr. Harris." The other parties came in and sat down, the one beside Alex looking at the dog. He petted him after getting a hand sniffed and settled in. "Are we ready to start?"
"Yes, Your Honor," both lawyers agreed.
"Go ahead, Mr. Prescott."
"Sir, my clients allege that the other side's business is harmful to their environment and neighborhood. They say it's lowered property values. They also say that they're loud, noisy, and messy. He wanted them shut down and forced to move if they keep the business open."
Alex shook his head as he stood up. "Your Honor, that being over there doesn't even live in that neighborhood he's complaining about. His registered address is in Fairlawn and the business is a few blocks away in Anacostia." He handed that map over. "I think this is another case of hatred due to someone not being a standard white person." He sat down.
The judge looked at that map. "Has your client moved, Mr. Prescott?"
"No, Your Honor, but his house looks at that neighborhood. His window faces that street's other end so he's seen all sorts of being traipsing to that business."
"I see. What was this business again?"
"A training gym," Alex said. "He works with both community people and normal, average humans who box and fight train. Including me for my weekly sword practice."
"Most of us who know you don't consider you the average person, Mr. Harris."
Alex smiled. "Thank you!"
The judge rolled his eyes. "No being cutesy." He went over the information. "Is that a solidly community neighborhood? Living wise and work wise?"
"No," Alex said. "It's a mixed neighborhood. There's been a few gentrifiers, or whatever they're called when people move in and then call the cops repeatedly because the ones already living there aren't like them." The judge stared at him. "I just call them pathetic whiny bitches, Your Honor. One tried that with my old neighborhood and I had her arrested for annoying me to no end one Sunday morning for not being of her faith. She was trying to arrange us all to have to go to her church by community guidelines."
The judge just nodded. "I've heard some HOA areas are like that." He went back to the information. "Does your client live there as well, Mr. Harris?"
Alex looked at him. "No, Your Honor. I live about two blocks away toward inner Anacostia. I live in a safer neighborhood full of community and no pathetic whining ones. We ran them off years ago."
"Good. Everyone should have a safe place to live," he admitted. He looked at the other side. "Does he have pictures showing the things going on?"
"A few, Your Honor." Mr. Prescott handed them over. "From his bedroom window."
"Hmm. A few very interesting looking beings. Is the gym that purple facade?"
"No, the dark purple is a bookstore run by hippie witches," the gym owner said. "The light purple is a grocery that does a lot of inter-realm staples. My gym is about three doors down from the light purple store, Your Honor."
"Is your gym in this picture?" He handed it to the bailiff to hand over.
He took it to look at. "No, Your Honor, this isn't my neighborhood. That purple store there is actually a procurer of herbs from off realm. Used by priests and meditative sorts and the new age sort of humans." He handed it back. "Mine's around the corner to the right and three-quarters up the block." He pulled up his map to show him. "I'm there. That store is here." He let them have the phone to show him.
"Interesting. I can see that on the google street view." He handed it back and accepted the picture. "So it seems Mr. Prescott's client is complaining to the wrong person." He looked at him. "Have you talked to the owners of those businesses?" That man growled at that, glaring at the judge. He looked at Alex. "Have you heard he has since he refused to answer?"
"He tried to run them out by complaining and calling the cops for them being harmless beings who run a business. The officers fined him and told him to stop it." The man stood up and started to rant about unnatural beings.
"Dude, don't make me defend my client from you in front of my dog. I'll hurt you more for that." He stared at him as he stood up. The guy backed away slowly. "I am one of the defenders of DC. You are not going to do this in front of my sick dog. Or else I will counter sue.
"I've always said I'm a lawyer so I can taunt you, torture you, defend you, screw with your mind, and then make you pay me for the hours I worked doing it. Make me prove it in here." The man whined and hid behind his lawyer. Alex sat back down. "Sorry, Your Honor. Bit of a temper moment. I hate bigots. Even when the community itself has some against other species I don't like it and speak up against it."
The judge just nodded. "At least the bailiff didn't have to arrest him for that." The dog barked quietly. "Is he sick again?"
"He knows I'm pissed and wants me to calm down." He smiled and pulled his dog into his lap to pet him. "You're a very good boy." The dog whined a bit. "May I have a moment to let him use the lawn?"
"I think we're done," the judge admitted. "Since that business isn't the one he's actually complaining about."
"I'll make them all leave! None of them should be here!" the human shouted.
Alex put the dog onto the table and walked over there, staring at him. "The community was here long before white people. We have proof, with written treaties wih the natives, that they were here first. If you don't like it, move. The city can always fill itself with people who aren't bigots." The guy took a swing at him but Alex caught his fist and squeezed it, staring at the guy until he backed down again. "I've had enough of this. I'm going to bill you for the court fees." He smiled. "Plus my bill."
"I think that's fair," Prescott admitted. "Since he filed a false claim. He should pay court costs and both attorney's fees, Your Honor."
"I can agree with that," the judge decided. The dog whined. "Mr. Harris."
Alex picked up his dog and a plastic bag. "Let me take him out for a moment. He was sick yesterday and had to spend overnight at the vets." He went to do that and came back about ten minutes later. "There, all better and cleaned up. We even both washed our paws." He sat down again, smiling at the judge. "If he's willing to talk settlement I've voice dictated a preliminary offer while we were watering a bush. I can send it to your secretary to print?"
The judge stared at him. "Well...." He looked at Prescott. "There is the countersuit." Prescott looked amused but nodded. "Go ahead, Mr. Harris." He pulled out his phone to send that and she brought it in a few minutes later. "Thank you, Marjorie."
"Welcome, Sir." She looked at Alex. "You're evil."
He grinned. "I can't be fully evil, I'm not wearing silk and happy clothes." She walked off giggling. He looked at his client. "She's a very nice grandma sort of lady but would never flirt with me because she's not dangerous."
"Thankfully," the judge agreed. He read it over and snickered. "That is slightly evil, Mr. Harris."
"I can run home and put on special silk stuff so I can be my full evil empress self as my twin calls me." He grinned. "I'm willing to negotiate from that point."
"Has your client seen it yet?" He let the bailiff hand it over so it could be read by the client. That got a moan for the evilness.
"Harris, did you have chocolate for breakfast again?" the demon complained, handing it back.
Alex smiled and nodded. "I had to run through so I had Starbucks for breakfast on the way here. My mocha whatever-that-thing-is-called was very nice to me." He handed it to Prescott, who read it and moaned as he handed it to his client. "We can start negotiations there. Yes?" Duke hopped up in his lap so he cuddled him and petted him while they argued in a corner about it. The demon petted the ears again, getting a quiet bark and a lick of his hand but Duke napped on his human.
Prescott came back shaking his head. "Your Honor, I believe Mr. Harris is evil. I'm sure now why his twin calls him the evil empress at times." Alex grinned at him. "We'd like to avoid having to settle this and just forget it happened. Though my client has agreed paying court and attorney fees is going to be nicer to him instead of paying off this and that. He'd like to just pay those."
Alex looked over. "Ten thousand for annoying him and wages lost for the time he had to spend working against this plot. Plus court and both attorney fees."
Prescott looked at his client, who huffed and nodded, sitting down to sulk. "I think he'll agree to that, Your Honor."
"I would like to note a non-payment penalty," Alex said. "Because he's pouty."
"If he doesn't pay it within a good set of time, say ninety days, he'll be liable for double all that." The judge signed off on that and let them sign it. Then he dismissed the case. Harris walked off with his dog trotting beside him and his client protectively in front of him so the idiot couldn't try to harm him. The judge looked at the bailiff. "Did the dog do more than drool?"
"I can't even see drool, Your Honor. He was well behaved. Harris has done good spoiling his dogs but making sure they're well trained."
"Still very weird. I do not want to make that a precedent." He went back to his office to make notes on that case so others would hear about it. He could just see some lawyer bringing in their purse dog.
***
Alex's supervisor came into his office about an hour after he had gotten back, closing the door. "You brought your dog."
"He couldn't go to daycare." He saved what he was working on to look at him. "The judge fussed a bit but I promised to clean up after him. He only needed one short break and I used it to dictate a settlement agreement for the countersuit."
Stephen, his supervisor blinked a few times. "Okay. And he just sat there?"
"Mostly under the table. At the end he was in my lap getting a cuddle while I was being smug for defeating the bigot." He printed what he had been typing and handed it over. "The conclusion I was going to put into the file for him. I'm about halfway done with it."
He read it over, nodding at that. "The judge wanted you warned not to do it again."
"I probably won't have to." He looked at his dog, seeing him looking upset. "Stephen, let me handle this. Not sure if this is a new seizure or him just being upset by you being mad at me." Stephen got out of the way so he took him outside to let him rest in the sun on some grass. Sure enough, he threw up.
Alex picked up some of it with the baggie in his pocket and took him to the vet's. He had to hand the leash to the door guard. "I have to grab my keys to take him to the vet's again." He rushed up the stairs. "He threw up blood, Stephen. Can you yell later?"
"I won't yell. You did okay but next time find someone to babysit the dog."
"Yes, sir." He grabbed what he needed and locked his office, heading down to grab his dog and take him back to the vet's. He made it faster than normal and parked with a screech of brakes, getting out to carry the dog inside. "He started to throw up. I think he's had another seizure, he went stiff and trembled. I picked up some of the puke since it looked like blood." He let the vet tech take the dog and the baggy. "Let me go lock my car." He ran out to do that and came back.
The vet waved him into the room. "What are you feeding him?"
"The usual wet food." He looked up his last order to show him. "It's supposed to be good."
"It is. It's apparently what's upsetting his stomach. Has he eaten since this morning?"
"He stole a bite of danish on the way back from the courthouse and licked some of my whipped cream after I picked him up. It was on my hand and he licked it before I could pet him with it."
"You took him to court?"
"Yeah, he can't go to doggy daycare when he's sick. That's what I thought was a seizure in the car." He pointed.
The vet nodded. "That is one. Okay, let's start with a med and let me look at that under a microscope." He got him sedated and went to do that. That could work while the blood scans ran. He came back twenty minutes later, adding a new medicine. "He's allergic to the food. His body's getting rid of it anyway it can." Alex groaned but nodded once.
"He's a bit dehydrated again. We can do another night of sedation and start him on something to ease the allergic reaction." Alex nodded at that. "He can go home with that. You can call if he has another one. This should stop that. For tonight, just very soft things for the other two. Are they having problems?"
"Caspian's been shedding but I think he sheds all the time. He's fluffy."
"He is fluffy and they probably do shed, but we can change the food. That's supposed to be a good brand but there's better."
"That Blue stuff, they won't eat it. I tried that first and went to the purple cans that Devil puked but Duke ate and liked, to this stuff."
"We have some stuff here for sensitive stomachs and that's grain free. We can try that. Did he throw up after you picked him up? He ate right before then."
"No. Not when I had him. He had to pee a lot at the courthouse and pooped a bit but it was just a bit looser than normal. That's why we both washed our paws."
"We can go to that." He went to get him a few cans of that. "This is what we fed him this morning. It stinks to humans but dogs seem to like it." The vet tech leaned in. "Did he eat this morning?"
"Barely. He turned his nose up until I hand fed him."
"Yeah, he'll do that when he hates something but wants to nibble," Alex agreed with a nod. "Is there a better alternative he'll want to eat? Beyond spam? Because all three dogs will eat spam. I ran out of dog food and the store was closed so I had to give them spam one night about two weeks ago."
"Well, it's a grain free meat product," the vet tech admitted. She got a few other cans, taking those back.
"These are cat food," the vet called after her. He went to get something else but even slightly sedated the dog wouldn't get near that can. "He's picky tonight."
"He's sick so probably. Spam tonight?"
"Not my favorite idea but if he'll eat it and keep it down, no more than four ounces."
"I can do that. Maybe try potted meat since it's already chopped up." The vet sighed but nodded at that. "If he'll eat it and it's not bad for him...." He shrugged. "Is it going to hurt him?"
"No. Not in the least. As long as that's not all his diet. It's not very complete and I doubt he can take vitamin drops."
"They don't have doggy Flintstones? Or gummies?"
"No," the vet admitted with a smile for him. "Not yet. Many dogs would like that though." He patted him on the arm. "He can go home tonight. Call if he has another. Baby him for a bit and bring him back in a week to look over. Make sure he drinks. You can add some beef broth to his dish too. He'd probably like to drink that with the meat products."
"I can do that. I'm not a bad cook actually." He grinned. "Thanks, guys." He picked up Duke to carry him out to the car. Then he came in to pay the bill and then take him to the grocery store. He turned on the air for a few minutes to make sure the car stayed cold. He got out and locked the car, seeing someone staring while pulling out her phone. People like her would call on him.
"He's really sick, I need to get him some broth, and I was running the a/c so it's about seventy in there. I'll be back in ten minutes." He ran in to get those things and came back eight minutes later, making the staring, mad person huff. "He's sick. He had a seizure earlier. He needed meat and broth stuff." She huffed off. He opened the door, looking at the dog as he put the bag down. "Hey, Duke, I'm back." The dog whined so he petted him then got in to drive him home.
He called his supervisor Stephen on the way. "It's me. I've got to stay home with Duke tomorrow. He had another seizure. He's on weird food. He's getting potted meat and broth. No, he's slightly sedated. We think it may have been an allergy to the last food." He heard a beep and pulled out of the way of the stupid person. He shook his head.
"Idiot people on the roads tonight." He sighed, checking and taking off again. "Sorry. Had to take a breather in there before I got run over. No, I think we'll be okay. The vet said to bring him back next week or if he has another seizure. So we'll see with the potted meat and broth tonight. Yeah, they do like spam so they should like this. And if not, I got three cans of spam too.
"They loved that a few weeks back. Thanks, Stephen. Yeah I can work from home tomorrow. Thanks." He hung up with a sigh, looking back at the dog then at the road around him. The same car came back around and Alex switched streets. The car followed so he pulled into a parking lot to stare at the car until they ran off again. "Well, that sucked. Wonder who they were."
He went home, parking and getting out to grab the bags and then the dog. They walked in and he kicked the door shut, looking at the other two dogs. "We're home, puppies." They came out of the bedroom, laying around Duke on the couch. "I know but he'll be okay. He's just still sick." He petted them before going to fix their dinner. His could wait until his stomach wasn't upset. He wasn't ready to lose a dog friend yet.
***
Tony came to bail Alex out of jail, staring at him. "What did you do?"
"I beat the living shit out of the guy who broke into my house to try to poison me and the dogs. He admitted to the officers that he did try to poison them via the water supply. The vet agreed it was consistent with his symptoms. They're all at the vet's."
"That's fine. We can go pick up the dogs." Tony let him pay his bail and leave with him. "Are you in real trouble?"
"No. Second degree assault." He grimaced. "It would've been homicide but the neighbors called the cops about the break-in and they got there too soon."
"Calm down," Tony ordered, patting him on the back. "Just stay calm. We'll go get the dogs." Alex nodded. "Quit going full on Xander as you usually put it." Alex took a deep breath and nodded once. "Good. Let's go. Who took them there?"
"One of the officers after I called. So they know why and what's going on and that they ate spam tonight. They hated the potted meat."
"That's good I guess. They can?"
"They wanted him on meat only food." He grimaced. "The vet said it'd be okay since they liked it and they hate the special wet food for sensitive tummies." He ran a hand through his hair. "Let's get the dogs."
"Yup." He took him to do that. The vet tech smiled at him. "Were they positive for that?" She nodded. "Are they okay?"
"Duke tried to eat my face when I gave him some ham from my sandwich by accident." The guys grinned. "The vet's given them stuff to help flush their systems. They should be fine. Duke hasn't had a new seizure. So watch for those and bring them back in a week unless he has another one."
"Yes, ma'am." He went to pick up his dogs, getting happy barks and wiggles. "Hey, guys. Let's go home and figure out if anyone else broke in. Just in case I have to go kick another ass." Tony helped by taking Caspian's leash. The dog pouted at him. "You can walk with Tony, Caspian. Just to the car." They went out with him and he paid their boarding and visit fees, then went out to the car with them. They hopped into the backseat for him laying down immediately so he could hitch them in. Xander got in, Tony got in to drive, and they took off. "I probably need to move," Alex said quietly.
"Probably. Can you afford to move?"
"Yeah. I still have money. As far as I know I have money," he said dryly. "I did earlier."
"Is your job going to complain?"
"I'll send Stephen an email in a few." He waved a hand in the air. Caspian barked. "You're okay, baby." He looked back. "Tony, is that car following us holding a guy with an assault rifle?"
"Yup. Sure is." Alex huffed but tightened the seat belt while Tony sped up. A few more cars showed up. So did an officer to stop the car with the guy sitting in the window with the gun. They still got bumped into the cars around them and knocked silly on the airbags. One of the guys ran over to shoot at them but Caspian was mad. Someone had touched their humans! The guy had to back away into an officer to keep from getting his face ripped off. And he didn't make it fast enough to not get bitten.
"Pup, down," the officer ordered. The dog growled at them. "I know smaller dogs are fierce, dog, but don't bite officers."
"Down," a voice called. "Lay down, Caspian." The dog barked but did lay down obediently. He came jogging over. "Guys, that's one of my coworkers. I'm an intern at one's law office. That's Duke, Devil, and Caspian is the small one."
"Great. Thank you, sir. Which one do you work with?"
"That's Alex's car and him in the passenger's seat."
"Okay. Can you sit here with them for a few minutes? We can get a paramedic and we can't have them bitten."
"Yeah, that's fine. I was going to dinner with my fiancée." Alex moaned, rubbing his forehead. "Calm down, Alex. You were in a wreck."
Alex blinked at him. "Go eat with your future fiancée. She'll get mad and stomp off if you're late the day you want to propose, Martin."
"Once you're fully awake. I called her on the way over here to stop Caspian from eating the bad guy."
Alex grinned back at his dogs. "Thanks for the guarding, guys." He petted them, getting out to sit in the back with them. "Tony?" he called loudly. "You good?"
"I hate concussions," he muttered, rubbing his forehead. "Damn it. I don't need another one." He sat back, wincing. A paramedic came over to check him. He rolled his head to look at him. "I hate concussions."
"I remember seeing you on a few scenes with them, Agent DiNozzo."
"They ran me out of NCIS. Now I'm a lawyer."
"Great job that pays better and less stress." He checked him over. "Not a concussion. Just a bit of a headache." Tony sighed in pleasure. "Do the dogs need a vet?"
"We just came from there so I hope not. It'd be the fourth time in two days," Alex said. He wiped off Duke's drool. "Messy," he teased with a smile. "But a good messy boy." They all cuddled the daddy. "Martin, girlfriend. She's going to huff off because she's high maintenance."
"Not that bad. She'll understand, Alex." He called her. "Alex said to update you. He's okay, he's awake again. Caspian nearly ate the guy who wrecked them when he stomped over with a gun. He did get the guy's cheek. No, Alex said I should update you and tell you I'm nearly ready to be on my way there again." He grinned. "I'll tell him you said to be more careful, Amber. See you in about a half-hour." He hung up, staring at him. "She said to be more careful. That some bad boy would hate to find you like this."
Alex looked around then at him. "I don't see any of my ex's. Thankfully. Go ahead, Martin. Thank you for the help and I hope she squeals and pounces you while shouting yes." He grinned, heading back to his car. "Do you have it with you?"
"In the glovebox." He smiled and waved, getting in to drive off.
Alex looked at the staring officer. "That's my office's intern in our business department. He's proposing tonight."
"That's always an exciting time. Any idea why they did this?"
"Well, I work with the peaceful community so there's always someone who hates that. And I did win against a bigot earlier this week who was trying to drive people out of their businesses because he can see their street." The officer winced. "Tony's a former agent at NCIS. He had to take out terrorists and other major crimes. He's had a few who've tried him in the last few months."
Tony nodded, rubbing his forehead again. "Not sure who they were. I didn't get a great look. I was picking up Alex from kicking the ass of the idiots who broke into his house to try to poison his dogs. He had to pay a minimal bail."
"Okay," the officer said, calling that in to check. "No, he's not going to be violating his bail for this. We do have to warn you to keep your dog from biting people." He gave Alex a pointed look, getting a shrug back. "Is he trained?"
"Yeah, he's taking the good citizenship classes and test. All three of mine have." He looked at Duke. "He's been sick."
"That's sad but hopefully he'll be better now. That's my supervisor."
Alex looked and waved. "Which one were they after?" he called.
"You, Mr. Harris. They hate your twin and what you do here to protect others," an officer said. "He's an idiot."
"I think I need to move again," Alex sighed. The officers reacted to some guy running over with a gun. "Hey, stop it! If you're here for Xander and Stephen, just stop it. If you're not, well, I've got a headache, dear." The guy tried to grab him so he got out to beat his ass too. He stared down at him. "Was that a good idea?" he asked. He pulled out his phone to call his twin on video call, turning the camera around. "Isn't that Stephen's guy?"
"Former guy. He tried to hit on one of the baby slayers so Stephen about killed him and then made him hike off before he did die of it," Xander said casually. "You're bruised, beloved evil twin'o mine?"
"Second attack in a day," Alex complained. "I had to make bail for the earlier one who broke into the house to complain they hadn't been able to poison the dogs."
"Like fuck that'll happen," Xander complained back. "I need to take a vacay up there to help you and guard you. Before you go fully evil to fight back, Alex."
Alex turned the camera back to his side, grinning at his twin. "If you want to vacay you know I don't mind."
"I know. Is Tony okay since I can see him in the background?"
"They caused a car crash so he's got a headache. I've got a headache. Caspian nearly ate the guy who tried to show up to shoot us afterward."
"Good dog, Caspian!" he cooed. The keeshond barked at that, wagging his tail. Alex squatted down so Xander could see him. "You were such a good boy to defend the daddy and Uncle Tony. Yes you were!" he cooed. "You're a great good boy, Cassie." Alex petted him with a smile. "They deserve doggy treats."
"Tonight it's spam again. Duke's stomach is still ripped up." He looked at the phone again, standing up with Caspian being held. "Does he have any warrants so the local guys here can deal with him?"
"Oh, yeah," Xander agreed with a nod. "Stephen, that idiot tried my twin," he called. "They need to know what else to arrest him on."
Stephen stomped into view. "What?" Xander explained it to him. "I didn't think Caspian would be that tough. That's a good little dog." He nodded. "Let me have the officer, Alex." Alex let him have the phone while he sat back in the car with the dogs to pet them all. The phone was handed back. "Are you okay?"
"They stopped us via car crash."
"Ah."
"We had just bailed me out for defeating the idiot who broke into the house. I've got to move again. And get a new car."
"You need a bodyguard for a bit, Alex. Let someone else beat the idiots. That way everyone underestimates you again." Alex sighed but nodded at that idea. "I'll talk to my ex-girlfriend in the area. She might know someone who does real estate stuff."
"Okay. Thanks. The one who helped me last time broke up."
"I'll call her in a few. Are they arresting you again?"
Alex looked at the officer, who shook his head. "They said no."
"Just protect yourself and whoever that guy is."
"That's Tony," Xander told him, kissing him on the cheek. "I was going to take a vacay to straighten some people out."
Stephen smiled at that. "If you want, we can do that. Drop your minis in Cleveland on the way to DC."
"I could like that. We could use a vacay before the upcoming run of problems."
"Sure. I'll get things arranged tonight." He looked at the screen again. "Be safer, Alex. We'll be there in a few days." He walked off happier. He smiled at his second-in-command. "Alex's dog Prince Caspian nearly ripped off a guy's face for trying to harm his human."
"Awww! Keeshond are hunting dogs for vermin but that's cool of him."
"Andrews was up there."
"Like fuck that'll go!" he chirped with a grin. "We going on vacation, boss?"
"Yes we are. We'll let the girls hit Cleveland for a few days." That got a nod and he went to tell others that plan so they could arrange things. Stephen went to calm Xander down once he was off the phone. He hated it when his twin was threatened by idiots.
***
Alex sighed, flopping down on the free side of the conference table. "No sleep," he admitted. "Headache from the car crash they forced on us." He leaned forward. "So I know you're worried."
"You got arrested."
"For beating the living shit out of the guy who broke into my house. He shouted that he should've tried harder to poison the dogs. The officer nicely brought the dogs to the vet's for me. That is why Duke was throwing up and having seizures. He's better now. The charges were dropped by the prosecutor when I pointed out I was protecting myself and my house. And he's lucky the guy was alive since the neighbors called the cops about the break-in too fast."
The senior partners all nodded at that. "Are you still in trouble?" one asked.
"No. The charges were dropped. I got the bail money back. I've talked to a realtor about moving. Again. My twin's boyfriend had an ex who is helping me." That got a slight smile and a nod. "The dogs are all okay. The officer didn't do more than warn me about Caspian biting the guy who ran up to shoot us after making the car crash."
"They did what?" Alex handed over copies of the reports. They read them over and one of the quad huffed. "Oh, dear," he said, handing them back. "So it was the cases."
"Bigots are bigots. Some try legal stupidity. Some try illegal stupidity. In this case he tried a few of each to make sure which one fit right." Alex grimaced. "My temper's still high about that."
"The dogs are all right now?" another asked.
Alex smiled and nodded. "They're back at doggy daycare. They've really enjoyed their spam and beef broth every other night. They're still not willing to eat regular wet food. Though they'll still eat crunchies."
"That's fine," the third one agreed with a head nod. "Any other news you want to tell us before we hear from gossip?"
"Martin, the intern, showed up during the accident to help and made Caspian quit going after someone."
"That's good of him," they agreed together. They shared a look then nodded.
"It sounds like he'll go far," the third one said bluntly. "Can he handle pressure?"
"Probably. He did remember to warn his girlfriend he'd be late. When I told him to go because he had huge plans to propose he called her again to tell her he was closer to being on his way. I haven't heard how his proposal went."
The senior partners all nodded. "That's important and it was good he did try to help the dogs." Alex grinned at that. "Your friend you've been seen with?"
"Tony? He's interviewing in a lot of spots right now. He asked if we had an opening and we said no. He passed with ninety-second percentile for criminal law." They smiled at that, nodding some. "He said he's had nineteen interviews with sixteen legal groups but nothing's been offered yet. If we need someone he could probably apply quickly."
"Our criminal department is full," one admitted. "Why did you have someone in the poker hall send you to Cleveland a while back?"
"Willow decided to kidnap my twin after he had fought off a group of idiots who hated being protected by girls. He was heading for medical treatment when she kidnaped him to complain about things that weren't related and wouldn't get him medical attention. So I went up to yell at her and get Xander to the ER. The witches sent him back while he was in the ER before he got treated but his boyfriend did get him treatment down there. Stephen also ended that problem for him. They won't be trying again probably."
"That's what a good lover does. Are you dating?"
"I've been on dates. Nothing's lasted more than a few months," Alex admitted. "I almost wished but I know how double sided that could be. Especially with the plot to discredit me by drugging someone else so we had to screw." He cleared his throat. "That was the gas attack on a club Tony and I were celebrating his bar scores in."
"We heard," they agreed.
Alex grinned. "He's had plenty of opportunity and hasn't flirted. I don't flirt all that well so I let others flirt with me. Anytime I try to flirt I get sneered at."
They just nodded at that. They shared a look then at him. "Are you moving?"
"Yes. Soon. Until then the house has security and I've got an emergency switch to carry around. I had to change security companies since they didn't tell me someone had snuck around the house to poison some of the water somehow. They said they only covered the front door. Even though they have a camera on the back door."
"Is the new one better?"
"Much better." Alex grinned. "Bit more expensive by about a hundred a month but more secure and paranoid."
"Good for you then," one decided. The others nodded. "Have you been arrested before this?"
"Mistaken identity once, they thought I was some hobo guy when I was just tired and napping in the car on the way home from L4 classes one day. When they finally got around to asking me what my name was I told them why I had been napping in my own car, in a parking lot that I paid for. They decided I wasn't the bum they had expected and let me go. They decided I was smart to not drive that tired.
"A few times with the community things, but I consider two of those civil rights arrests. The other one they were trying to shut me up so arrested me. I made bail, brought it to the press, and the charges were mysteriously dropped. The two civil rights arrests I paid my fine and a few others' fines. One had been for the protest in Maryland when I defended that nursery area during it.
"The judge fined me a hundred bucks for protecting the egg nursery from the cops coming to beat us all to death for wanting rights. He asked why I didn't fight it and I did note that I had thrown the first punch so it was a legal and ethical arrest but they were going to be sued for the sixty broken bones the whole group got, including my six total."
"The other?"
"The incident you guys hated to hear that I handled to get Wallia free from that group of idiots who thought all demons could grant wishes and boons. Since I protested the police weren't arresting the kidnappers, they arrested me."
"I remember hearing about that and frowning. Why didn't the defense group do it?"
"The local defense group isn't that hot to protect and serve, just to make statements and handle bigger problems like if that program comes back again. They were willing to let the locals handle it so they could be forced to deal with the problems and they could make their own statement to look good. Wallia wouldn't have survived if I hadn't went when Xander told me what was going on according to the news."
"I remember hearing that. Does she know that they didn't respond? She said they sent you."
He shrugged. "I'm not going to correct that assumption. For all I know one of them was the one who told Xander to tell me to go save her."
"Point." They shared another look. "You're not in trouble for being arrested." Alex grinned at them. "Though we do think you're being a bit...tough."
"He kicked in my front door."
"We understand that but we've heard rumors of you being a bit violent," another said.
"Only when I have to be."
"You've used a fight ring?"
"I use one about once a week to stay in practice. Plus I have one afternoon with sword practice just in case. I've been doing that since my second month here when my former boss suggested it."
"We can see the reason behind it, Alex. We're just hearing rumors that you're becoming a violent asshole," one told him.
"No, that's Xander's title more than me." He grinned a bit. "He had to get the locals down there organized again for something huge. I usually only fight if someone starts it. Though I will make sure to make it bad enough to be an example of why you don't do it again."
"The one who broke in, is he going to sue you for damages? Or hospital bills?"
"He slurred he was going to try but I think, since he kicked in my door, he's not got a leg to stand on legally. Even if they do fix the break in his left leg I gave him."
"Is he still in the hospital?"
Alex shrugged. "I haven't asked. To be honest he won't be coming back anyway since he is arrested for that breaking and threatening. Also for animal abuse. And I've started a legal suit to sue him for damages to the house and vet bills. Plus another ten grand for making me lose my temper that way and another fifty grand for the worrying I had to do over Duke's health. I paid Brodchow to read it over for me and have it delivered."
"I'm sure it amused her," they decided. "Is that the only suit you have going?"
"Two others. One of Wolfram and Hart's people tried to get into my face and challenge my licenses. I've stopped him and now I'm annoying him into suicide I hope. That particular one made Brodchow laugh evilly and made a few others run to hide in the office." He grinned. "The others' a non-payment for the last house.
"They paid eighty percent and then quit so I had to sue them and the bank to get the rest. They'll settle out of court because it looks bad on their lender to stop payments that way. Especially since it should have all come at once instead of in installments like they did. They're a failing lender."
"That's very reasonable. And you paying Melissa was nice too."
"It's official work time so I needed to pay her instead of asking for a favor. I occasionally ask for her to read over a new contract for my typos but usually I hit up Patricia for those. She does it for most of us in our corner of the office."
That got a nod and a smile. "I have a secretary to do that for me," one agreed with a nod. "Are the dogs going to stay all right?"
"Duke and Devil are both old dogs," he admitted. "So I'm going to be really sad. I got Prince Caspian on the vet's suggestions because Duke and Devil are so close I thought one might follow the other if he died. And when Duke got sick, both Devil and Caspian howled in misery and worried a lot about him. They're still following him everywhere just in case he gets sick again. The vet thinks I've got a year-and-a-half with them. Caspian's about eight now so I've got maybe five, maybe seven years with him."
That got a nod. "It's hard when you lose a pet, especially your first one," another of them agreed. "My daughter sobbed for nine weeks when her hamster died." Alex grinned and nodded back. "They have been very good in the office."
"Alexsis and I switch off days that we bring in our dogs. That way Martin and anyone else who's overly stressed can pet them to calm down."
"That's actually not a bad policy to work out and they don't ever make a mess."
"No, we clean it up immediately if they do. It's not fair to let others clean up after our furry kids. She and I both have put cleaning supplies in the maintenance closet if we need them. She's been a great teacher about how to handle pet things."
"She is good at that. Boris is the most fussy poodle that's not fussy about his fur I've ever met," the last one agreed. "All right. Are you off today?"
Alex looked at his watch then at them. "I don't have to be. Originally I was but I did take yesterday off as an emergency day. So I can go man the desk today if you need me to."
"Go ahead then." They let him go and looked at each other again. "It's always reasonable but others panic about the twins so much."
The others grimaced. "He's always in the right when he does things, and it doesn't look bad on us because he does what has to be done by someone." The others made agreeing noises. "I like the goofball. He reminds me of my brother."
"He does remind me of your brother," another agreed with a smile for him. "Has your wife met him?"
"She sniffled that he reminded her so much of my brother and he had to awkwardly comfort her for it." They smiled. They did like how much work Alex brought them. But he never took advantage of anything or looked bad on them.
***
Alex looked at his potential new house then at the woman next to him. "House shopping drives me nuts but this is probably too much. It's only me and three dogs. This thing is *huge*. It looks like a castle."
"It's four bedrooms so you can have guests. It has a spectacular office for you. It has a walk in closet. It has a great kitchen."
Alex just nodded. "This should probably go to someone like Tony. I'm a lower class kid. I've only seen houses like this in pictures on tv."
"Well, let's go look anyway. At least it'll be an experience."
He nodded, following her inside the house. The house was only one story but the ceilings were high once you got out of the entryway. Though the entryway was impressive looking. They walked into a living space that was huge enough to have an echo. It had wood floors, which he liked. It had a few areas off to the sides.
Outside the massive windows was a sitting garden but pretty small. To one side was the hallway to the bedrooms. The other side held the kitchen, and past the kitchen was the promised office area. Alex walked in and moaned. Deep teak wood shelves lined the wall behind the massive wooden desk with an ergonomic chair.
The walls around the room had some other shelves, mostly looking like they'd fit picture frames instead of heavy law books. "I could put my whole comic collection on those. It'd mean they didn't have to sit in storage I guess." He went to look at one that looked a bit odd, finding a safe closet behind that bookshelf. "Wow."
He went to look at the kitchen. Shiny appliances, which wasn't his favorite. Gas stove, which wasn't his favorite, but he didn't really do much cooking. Huge commercial sized fridge like the ones in schools. Nice pantry area. "I could put a whole lot of cans of spam for the dogs in there." He closed it gently then went to look outside again. "It's fussy."
"It's for show," she reminded him. "People expect lawyers to have status."
"I'm not that sort of lawyer usually." He looked at her. "I'm a lowly law clerk."
"Yes but you have money, Alex."
"The taxes must take a lot of it every year." He went to look at the bedrooms since she wanted to go that way. She was heading that way so he followed. Nice guest bathroom, looked a bit vintage with the soaking tub. The bedrooms looked okay. He looked for signs of damage, because a house like this being in his price point meant there was something wrong. "Roof?" he asked her.
"Could use replaced and the skylights need to be examined and probably replaced too," she admitted. "The windows are double paned but not greatly efficient. Someone tried to install solar panels but it holed the roof too much." He nodded at that. "It shows there was a leak in the master bathroom. One wall's tiles are leaning."
She took him to show him that room. The master bedroom was smaller than he had expected. "I think you could probably take the wall out between the next bedroom to expand this if you wanted. That one had that odd angled area thanks to this one's closet so you can fix that."
"That's not that hard," he agreed, looking in the closet. It was a legitimate bedroom in its own right. "I could let my next bad boy or girl live in here." He went to look at the signs of damage and then the bathroom. Which wasn't that big. "I'd have to adjust this out to fix this tiny shower problem." He looked at her. "The other bathroom looks nicer than this one."
"The last owner said that was his wife's bathroom, Alex. She liked the tub."
"I like the tub too." He checked the tilted tiles, nodding. "It'll have to be fixed. It's probably in the studs too. So, how far into my price point is this?"
"I can negotiate it down to about a mil," she offered. "Maybe a bit more?"
"I paid like eight hundred for my last one but it didn't have this much room." He walked around the room. He still did some construction work now and then when he had the time to hit a Habitat site but he also knew how much work it took to replace a roof. Or how much expense it'd be. "Would solar work here?"
"The trees might need to be trimmed. I don't know how the sun goes all day. You'd have to watch it for a few days to track that to plan where to put it." She led him out through the door to the garden in there, taking him to the garage that wasn't attached. "There's a security gate that'll open for you to park." He nodded, checking that. "I'm guessing the roof out here needs replaced too."
Alex nodded. "Yeah. It's damp in here and there's evidence of a leak." He pointed at the water streaks on the wall. "I like it but I feel like I'm playing dress up while being here. Or that the owner will come out soon and expect me to be staff."
She smiled. "A lot of people do but within your price range it's this or a row house."
"I don't want the dogs in a row house. They need yard. They need to run around with their toys."
"You can unfuss the garden area." She led him to look at it again. "You can remove some of the pavers and the planting beds, make it grass instead. The dogs would probably love the sod you'd put down." She looked at him. "It is safe. It has a good security system already installed. It could be bigger but it is impressive."
"I still feel like I'm out of uniform for the staff." She smiled, walking him off. "I should bring Tony here to give me advice." He frowned. "The dogs would be exploring for days."
"They'll learn to love the new space, Alex."
"True." He sighed. "I like the single family home instead of the row houses or anything like that. I especially don't want an HOA ever again." She nodded. "But this is too big and I won't have time to do the work myself. And I don't think I could move in while they were replacing the roof."
He looked around again. "Of course, if I don't take it, some scummy house flipping idiot will do something to the gorgeous woodwork." She nodded that was true. He sighed. "Anything else within my price range that's about half this space?"
"No. There's very few single families on the market and they're all outside your price range unless you want to open the wallet to go over two mil, Alex."
He groaned. "Replacing the roof will take at least a week. And I couldn't start the day that I took ownership." She nodded that was probably true. "And I do have to move." He looked at the library again. "This is way too big for just me."
"Probably." She smiled. "But someday you may find the great evil one that'll stay with you. Your twin has."
"I have the feeling someday I'm going to have to go avenge both of them." He sighed again then nodded. "I guess the dogs will see the fussiness as a new plaything." She smiled and pulled out forms for him to look over. "I've got to sell the old house. My funds aren't low but I'm a bit paranoid about being broke just as I buy a new house. And the old one's not been listed yet.
"I was going to wait another two months to do that to make sure no one else wanted to invade there for any reason." He looked around again. "Yeah, let's buy this one. Can we get a discount because of the roof? Or the damage? That's going to be a bit of work there."
"Alex, it's already discounted. Usually this house would go for well over five mil."
"Damn. But I guess. I do have it right now." She smiled, letting him put in a few things. He signed it and handed it back. "Get it sent in today so I can start making plans?"
"Sure." She walked off calling the realtor selling this old house, letting him know. She did try to get ten thousand taken off or closing costs handled. They agreed to cover closing costs when the realtor called them about the offer. She smiled as she came back. Alex was in the kitchen staring at the cabinets. They were older but in good shape and a pretty mahogany wood. "They'll cover closing costs for you. They accepted for listing price." He grinned at that, nodding. "You'll want an inspection."
He nodded. "I will. Right after I sign so I can make sure it's not something that'll cause me more problems. I'll go through it with the contractor I hire to see what else needs fixed." She smiled and led him back to the car to take him to that office so they could start the buying process.
***
Alex walked up to where his coworkers were eating lunch together, sighing as he sat down. "I need people with taste in a few months to tell me how I'm decorating."
"I heard you were selling the house because that guy kicked in the door," Alexsis said.
He nodded. "And the only one the realtor found in my price range is *huge*. Beautiful but *huge*. I have a library now." They giggled. "Needs a new roof and some reno in the bathrooms. I need to up it to solar panels as well for backup power. And put in a generator." He groaned, slumping some.
"I have no idea how to decorate that thing. My furniture is cute and comfy but I'm not sure if it'll look good there. And somehow I keep getting a bigger and bigger house. And the garden is a *garden*, like stuffy people reading in it garden. So I've got to arrange for some extra grass."
Alexsis and Patricia both patted him on the arm. "We can give run-by advice," Patricia assured him with a smile. "Or you could hire a decorator."
"I'd hate to have to yell at her about wanting to paint all the woodwork." They smiled. "Huge library, pretty wood built-in bookcases this time." They nodded at that. "There's no painting that wood. That's one reason I bought the house, because someone would."
"You'll handle it, Alex." Alexsis smiled at their intern Martin. "Is it true she said yes?"
"No," he pouted. "She said not yet. She wants me out of my internship first to see where I'm going to end up." He sat down next to Alex. "She also wants us to get a house first so we're more solid."
Alex looked at him. "Does she appreciate you and all the guy that you are or is she one of the ones that's going to change you completely? I ask because I dated one of the last ones. No one seemed to appreciate her most of the time. I got told I should dump her a lot."
"No, she's not like that. We do share a lot of common interests. I've seen a few couples like that on House Hunters when I'm at home. I told her about them and she assured me she'd only class up my life and make me wear better suits."
Alex grinned, patting him on the arm. "My realtor found me a huge house. Pretty expensive but needs a ton of work with the roof being bad."
Martin shook his head. "I can barely change a light bulb."
"She said there's a ton of row houses open. Some of them are nicer. May need some paint."
"I can talk to her about that. Thanks, Alex. The girl you dated back in Sunnydale was that bad?"
"She cared, at least about me, but she was the loudly talking about our sex life to complain she wasn't getting her five orgasms a night sort. She wanted me to pay for everything even though she had a job." Martin shuddered. "Oh, she was the sort to call it that too. Believe me, I got better at it to make the complaining stop. If you find yourself with a spouse like Anya, well, guard the accounts and good luck." He patted him on the arm again.
"I can't see how any woman is like that," Patricia said. "And why did you put up with it?"
"She had been rehumaned by us accidentally." Alex looked at her. "I took her to the prom. Xander was about to marry her but she would've been miserable so they ended the wedding at the altar when he walked to make her happier." He pulled out his phone to pull up a few of the older videos for them to watch. "That's Anya."
They watched her in horrified awe. "Who's the redhead?"
"Rosenburg." He grimaced. "The same witch that said she could make my twin pregnant for his boyfriend."
"Oh." They went onto another video, shaking their heads.
Alexsis slid the phone back to him. "I would've walked long before then."
"She didn't try to kill us, which was miraculous in those days. And sometimes now." Martin moaned at that. He grinned at him. "See, you can have a bad gauge there."
"If I ever dated someone that loud my mother would give me seventy-two in a clinic to straighten me out." Martin shook his head quickly. "Mine's a lot nicer, Alex. And more subtle. And never complains or fights with me in public."
"Good job then." He smiled at him. "Good luck with the house hunt too. It drives me to napping to look at houses. Not sure if the new house is a nightmare or a dream though."
"Nightmare with the reno work at first," Alexsis offered. "What did you buy?" Alex looked up the listing to show her. She moaned. "Oh. Wasn't that sold recently? I saw that noted in an article." She looked it up to show him.
"No, I'm buying it from the court case," he admitted. "I found that and asked. They're the court-appointed realtor to handle the estate of the one that did that since she committed suicide in jail for embarrassing her family so much. But the roof is shot enough that there's water damage in a bathroom and it may need some plumbing help too."
They just patted him for that. "At least I know construction." Martin snickered. The ladies grinned at him for admitting that. "I worked it back in Sunnydale and I still do some Habitat hours here and there when I have free time. Which isn't as often as I like."
"That's good of you," Martin agreed. His phone rang. "Oops, time for our lunchtime chat." He got up to walk off talking to her.
"Tell her we said hello and we'll happily give you house ideas," Alex called after him. He looked at the ladies. "How do you even replot a garden that stuffy?"
"Take out some stuff?" Alexsis offered. "We can come over to look once you get the keys."
"I was going to bring Tony over next week. He grew up on Long Island to money." They smiled and nodded. "He wanted me to get better suits too."
"You two would make a nice couple."
"Tony's straight."
"Pity, dear." The ladies got back to eating. "Aren't you having lunch?"
"I snacked on the way to sign the final papers," Alex admitted. They smiled at him for that. "And if not, I have paperwork this afternoon so I can inhale a granola bar without Caspian begging for it." They giggled at that. The dog did beg very well. He had trained Devil and Duke to beg better.
***
Alex walked Tony and the contractor through the new house. "I do not want to touch a single bit of the woodwork," he said. "In any meaning. Especially not the pretty stuff in my new office. Or the kitchen cabinets. I like wood."
"Many people do," the contractor said patiently, looking at everything. "Did you do an inspection?"
"I figured you'd have it done to give me a list of what had to be done. I don't want to change anything but the laundry room. I like my current washer better than the ones in there."
"Okay." They looked in that area, getting a nod. "Is it going to fit?"
"Mine are smaller so hopefully. Mine are also older but they work better."
"That can happen." He went to look over the kitchen. "Appliances?"
"They're shiny and I'm not into stainless really. They work so I'll let it go for now. Especially since we'd have to fill in the wall around the fridge."
"That is a huge fridge," Tony agreed. "You could downsize to a less massive fridge and that'll add a bit to the hallway there."
Alex looked then nodded. "I could. That would add on stuff though and might hurt the cabinets." He looked at the contractor.
"The fridge has a frame and we can cut down the top piece of trim to move it in." He came over to look and nodded. "That's just trim, Mr. Harris."
"Okay then I'm okay with that." That got a nod and he made a note of it. "The stove hopefully works. It's huge and I single guy cook."
"That's a pretty standard size commercial stove," the contractor told him. "Though it is gas."
"I know, which cooks seem to like. I have *no* clue about that."
"We can make sure it works and the gas line's not plugged." He led them outside to the garden area. "I have no idea about this."
"I was advised to take some of the planters out to add some grass for the dogs. I can probably do that myself over the summer though."
"Okay. The utility shut offs?"
Alex shrugged. "I just got the keys three days ago. I haven't done more than roam around a bit. I'm guessing the garagey area?" He pointed. "That looks like the gas meter."
They went to look and he noted where they were and what was in there. The contractor blinked then sighed. "We'll need to turn this in."
Alex looked then shook his head with a sigh. "I didn't tour out here. More than looking at the space between the garage and the fence. It's a bit of a tight turn." He did call someone. "Hi, I just bought a house and found what looks like a grow house in the garage." He gave the address and they promised to send someone over.
He thanked them and hung up, finding the ladder he had used to let them go up to the roof. "The realtor said that they tried to install solar panels. Which I do want as a backup power source and I need to add a generator too just in case. I'm not exactly a prepper but I've seen a few apocalypses in my day."
The contractor nodded at that. "I can see that. They really did screw a part of the roof and one part looks like it's about to cave in."
"That's over the master bathroom probably. Which has damp walls that let the tiles tilt. The roof is a priority and then that bathroom. Then other needed things."
"That makes good sense." They came down when the officer pulled in the front drive.
"Hi, Alex Harris," he said with a smile and a wave. "I just bought the house, got the keys three days ago. I don't know why someone didn't see that since the house was part of a fraud thing and I bought it from the courts." He led them to it. "This isn't my thing at all."
The officers looked it over and nodded. "It's not got active plants so we can take the seeds," one decided. "This is a huge place."
Alex nodded. "Someone kept breaking into my last one so I needed somewhere more defensible." They nodded they understood. "If you need to tell that judge, it was Judge Reyes who handled the fraud and the sale of the house thanks to the estate and the fraud of the last owner inheriting it and selling it three times to different people."
"I saw that in the papers." They smiled. "It should be fine and we can't confiscate it without active plants."
"Can you guys check around to make sure there's not more? Or should I and just burn them?"
"You should. The city would have to sell it when we confiscate it."
"Okay, I can do that. Thanks, guys." They took what they needed to confiscate and went to make a report on it. Alex went back to Tony and the contractor. "If we find more, we can burn it. Or else they can confiscate it."
"True," Tony agreed. "I had forgotten about that." They went to check the grounds pretty quickly. Then came back to go back inside. "What about that garage?"
"The fence is almost touching it. So I open the gate with the remote, then the garage door with that remote," Alex said. "Maybe we can combine them with that other little garage so I have more room?" he asked the contractor.
"That could help." They went to look at that. He nodded. "You can move it back a bit for that. That way you have more room between the fence and the garage to park a car. I'm shocked they let that go with the permits." They went back inside to the library. Tony sighed in pleasure. "I can see why you don't want them touched."
Alex nodded. "Please. I think I bought the house to save these from people who'd want to paint them for being wood."
"I've seen a few, Mr. Harris." He smiled, making a note on his form. They went over the bedrooms, marking a few other spots of possible water damage.
Tony opened the main bedroom's area, staring at it. "You can host parties in here, Alex."
"I can store my next bad girl in the closet. It's apartment sized," he quipped. "Thankfully I didn't marry Anya." He let them see it and Tony moaned but nodded. "I won't run out of room this century."
"No, you won't," Tony agreed. They went to the bathroom. "Oh, that's damaged."
"It is," the contractor agreed, pressing on the tiles. "That's going to have all come out."
Alex nodded, waving a hand. "That's why I'd expect to happen. Plus probably some studs thanks to mold." That got a smile. "I like the tub. It's not long enough so I have to sit with my knees bent. The shower's a bit ...narrow. I don't really need two sinks but I know that'll go for later resale." He looked around. "Can we match the other woods? Or the kitchen's? Teak's super expensive but waterproof, but *super* expensive."
"I can definitely match the kitchen's cabinets. They're pretty standard in design." He looked at the toilet area. "There's a tiny closet in here."
"Tiny linen closet for towels is fine," Alex said. "Another behemoth of a closet, use it to up the shower?"
"That's reasonable." He measured and nodded. "We can spread it that way and shift the toilet."
Alex came over. "Shift the toilet here, facing the room? That way I'm not trapped in a corner if something happens? Closet beside it to take up this area," he said, moving to that spot. "Then shower, tub..." He pointed. "Leave the sinks where they are but make it prettier? That'd give that space behind the tub to it and use the wall between the toilet and shower for the pipes?"
He looked at the contractor. "I'd say put the wall between the tub and the shower but that'll be a huge wall and block the view in case someone else breaks in. In the guest bathroom I do need a pull down showerhead to bathe the dogs."
"Not bad ideas. The sewer pipe to the street is back in that corner so that'd be easier for the septic lines." He nodded, making notes about that. "Glass shower walls?"
"Non breakable? Please? And I need a bench in the shower in case I break another rib?"
"I can do that." He measured it out and made notes. "That's not a ton of work. The roof is going to take at least a week."
"I know." Alex nodded. "And if you open a wall and find faulty plumbing that'll take extra. Or electrical. The box looks newer. It still has the Lowes sticker on it." He led them to it. He had a half basement. "I was thinking this would be a good place for the backup generator unless we get flooding? And the stuff for the solar panels?"
"That's not a bad placement. Solar may need to be behind the garage. The generator should be nearer to the main house. I need to check specs for that to see how much clearance it needs and what sort of venting."
"That's fine." Alex smiled and nodded. "I expect there's going to be some fixing in some areas with that roof problem. I just worry about another huge storm hitting and us being without power for days on end. Or a demonic apocalypse that takes out the city and I have to hold a siege here." He sighed. "Sorry, I retired."
The contractor smiled and nodded. "I've got two of my guys who are preppers who worry about the same events. We can work on that." Alex smiled and nodded. "Let's go back to the kitchen to work on the estimate. Then I'll find someone to do a thorough inspection." It was expensive but mostly necessary. A few of the trees near the house needed to be trimmed to make more room for the solar panels. That could happen easily enough too.
***
Xander showed up for a vacation and because he was injured and limping on crutches. Of course, he showed up to his twin's house while there was a moving truck. He limped in and found his twin. "Are you going bougie and hiring movers?"
"Yes I am. While the dogs are in doggy daycare they can heft things and I can do more paperwork I didn't get to yesterday." He gave him a hug. "The new house has a room for you. I even put in handcuffs so Stephen can lock you to the bed to fuss at you." He smirked a bit.
Xander shook his head. "Not if he values his life." He watched them move everything. "Why are you moving? You liked it here."
"Until the guy broke in complaining he hadn't worked hard enough to poison the dogs."
"Ah." He nodded at that. "He alive?"
"Probably. Unless he died in jail." They shared a look. "Caspian will adore having you pet him too. Though he'll probably be confused. He's smart but a smartass."
"He's your dog, of course he is." A mover had to get around them. "Sorry, taking up more room than normal." He watched them pack and move things. Then looked at his twin, who grinned. "Much easier than hauling things in the old car. Or a U-Haul."
"My new neighbors would call the cops if a U-Haul showed up. They did on the contractors who had to replace the roof. Twice. In an hour." Xander snickered. "They were very understanding. And only one incident which meant I had to clean paint off my pretty study shelves. The contractor fired him for it and had one of his guys help me clean it off before it set. Then fix the color where a few places it had sank in. I have a study now that has really pretty teak shelves."
"Awww." He stared at him oddly. "Is that important?"
"It was about the only choice of house when I was looking and if I hadn't taken it, some tacky person would've painted over them, Xander. And it was that or a row house with the dogs."
"No, they need a yard."
"That's a later project. I have a Gilesy garden area."
"Oooh." He winced. "Sorry to hear that."
"I can arrange things. There's planters. And trees."
"The dogs could like trees if DC has squirrels."
"They do. I brought them over a few days back to let them sniff the garden area. The contractor was in the process of complying with a zoning issue and moving the garage back another three feet from the gateway. But I do have security." He grinned. "And if I ever lose my mind and host parties, it's a great place to do it. I paid my coworker's salary today to go sit and watch things there to make sure no one tries to break in there because of my job."
"Was it about your job?"
"Yeah." He nodded. "There's still haters."
"Be honest, Alex. There's probably always going to be haters," Xander reminded him. "There's still Klan members, so there's always going to be people who hate the community."
"True." He gave him a hug. "It's depressing. But I can barely treat you to lunch."
Xander smirked. "Spent it all?"
"No. This house is being sold in a few weeks. It'll pay for the new house almost completely." They watched the movers finish up and checked the house over then paid their boss, locking up the house to head to the new one. They stopped to get the dogs, which meant Xander got to sit in the backseat to be mugged by lapping dogs. They did adore him.
Alex grinned, pulling into his new garage and closing the door. He got them out and pointed. "That way, dogs. New house. We live here now." He helped Xander steady himself and let him limp inside first.
"Wow," Xander said, looking at the kitchen. "Damn. I can see why you wanted to protect the wood?" The woman on the sofa pointed so he hopped that way to look at the office area. He moaned. "Oh. Twin'o mine, wow."
"Yeah. If I hadn't taken this one, someone without taste would've painted them white or something." He hugged his coworker. "Thanks, Alexsis. Did Boris like the yard?"
"He adored those trees," she said smugly. "Yours will too. Hey, boys." They barked and let her pet them. "Boris is in the master bathroom staring in awe at the tub. He wanted a bath so I know what I'm doing tonight."
He laughed. "The spare has the pull down shower head for dog baths."
"He's a poodle, Alex. He wanted the jets in your tub." She got up to go get her dog. "Boris, Alex is here." The dog came running out to bark and dance around him, getting petted and loved on. "Good boy. They all thought you needed to buy more clothes to fill that closet."
"I'm going to let my next bad girl or boy rent in there since it's apartment sized." She walked out laughing, letting him help his twin to hop around.
Alex grinned at his twin. "She taught me how to be a pet parent."
"You said that and she seems like a great buddy." They went to look in the master bedroom, Xander moaning. "You could hold orgies in here."
Alex shrugged. "Not something I routinely do," he admitted, cracking up the movers in there shifting the dresser. "There's a plug there."
"If we put it next to the plug it'll block the door opening fully."
"Can we shift it to the closet wall?" He pointed. "Put it between those two?" They nodded, doing that for him. "Thank you." He gave them a tip once everything was in the house and put about where he'd want it. The kitchen hadn't been unpacked beyond the fridge being filled and the freezer. The boxes with clothes were in the closet, stacked neatly against one wall. The bed was together but not made. The box for the bathroom was in there.
Xander looked at his twin. "I've never wanted a house this big or this nice before. Stephen would probably make fun of me for it if I did."
He shrugged. "It was this or a row house. There wasn't much on the market when I had to move thanks to security." He grimaced. "It's way too big, and I said that multiple times. Even though I lusted over the wood in the study." They went back to the living room area.
The dogs were sniffing around and Alex left open a door for them to go outside. The yard was completely fenced with nine foot fences and he had made sure even Caspian couldn't get between the bars. They both vegged and caught up until the dogs came back to cuddle the humans.
***
"You ever get to a point and don't know where to go from there?" Tony asked Alex.
Alex nodded. "All the time. When I graduated both times. After most apocalypse battles. You kinda look around and go 'now what'. Then about half the time I went to get some water to drink before I reached for something harder." The one holding them hostage glared at him. He stared back. "What?"
"Apocalypses are fairy tales."
"Gee, and yet I've been in a few." The guy tried to menace him. "Dude, don't even. I'm retired from the Council's group." The man shuddered, backing off, going to tell the others. Alex smirked and waved his shoulder. "Have a good run from my wrath!" He shifted. "Got a knife?"
"I do," he agreed, cutting Alex free, who got his. Then they shared a look and went to figure out how to fix it. Tony grinned at the officers storming in. "They're all in a conference." He pointed. "Alex scared them."
"Alex is going to act like his puppies and bite someone," Alex quipped. "Because this was a bad day to skip breakfast." He sighed. "Let me go release more hostages."
"Who're you two?" one demanded.
"The tall, pretty one was an agent," another officer told him.
"Formerly NCIS," Tony agreed with a grin. "Alex is a retired demon hunter." They all moaned. "Now we're both lawyers." He grinned. "They just decided to take the bank hostage while we were putting money in so we could hit lunch."
"And I've got court this afternoon," Alex called, coming back with the security guard. The guy was huffing hard. "Not sure if he's having something like an asthma attack." He handed him over gently. "Can we escape the bad guys who're kinda wooses?" The door opened and someone started to shoot but Alex stole Tony's knife to throw at him.
"I *hate* shopping! Quit trying to make me have to buy new clothes!" That one whined and the others gave up when they saw the SWAT team waiting on them. "Great!" Alex clapped. "Let me get a snack on the way to the courthouse." He checked his watch. "I'm going to be late." He checked himself, going to find his wallet and keys form the pile the hostage takers had gathered from everyone.
"Great." He hiked out, handing Tony's wallet to him on his way past him. "I've got Judge Riveria over a demonic business license. Again. He hates me already and I'm really happy with that." He walked outside, shaking his head as he walked past the helping officers. "They're down. And begging. And wooses. Gotta go to court, guys. 'Scuse me."
He found his car and drove off, heading for the court house. He walked into the courtroom. "Sorry, Your Honor. There was a hostage action I got caught in because I was getting money for lunch." He nodded at the bailiff. "If SWAT shows up to yell at me, that's fine. We kinda made them a bit worried when we handled it with others." He looked at the judge, grinning at him.
"Is that dirt on your shoulder, Mr. Harris?"
Alex pulled it out to look at. "No, Your Honor, that's probably gunshot residue. They tried to hit me and didn't quite make it before I got them back." He smiled. "I was a bit unhappy because I've missed breakfast. So, can we start with opening statements and handing over a whole lot of stuff to you?"
"You can I guess," he said with a nod. "We'll call this case to order." He lightly banged his gavel. "Hostage takers at a bank?"
"It's on the news," the bailiff said. "They caught him leaving saying he had to get here because you hated him, Your Honor."
"He does," Alex agreed dryly.
"You're hyper," the judge said dryly.
Alex smiled. "Especially when I haven't had breakfast, but they weren't nice enough hostage takers to let me have coffee." He shrugged. "Some days are like that."
"Only for you, Harris. Okay, let's get this started and hopefully finished today." They presented their evidence and all the facts, though the other side's facts were more 'fact-airytales' considering they were fictional and Alex could prove it.
Only one he didn't have a rebuttal for and the client did. The judge was amused about the fact-airytales but not that much since it was illegal and perjury, which Alex got happy telling them about. The judge glared so he calmed down again. "Next time, Mr. Harris, eat before you get here."
"I was trying to do that, Your Honor. They didn't want to cooperate. Not my fault they decided to take a bank hostage to make a moot, pointless demand. Tony and I agreed it was basically a plea to be put in jail or out of everyone's misery."
The judge sighed. "Fine." He waved a hand. "Does your boss see you in this state?"
"More than once. But the last time it was a bad girl of epic proportions and I spent all night answering to agents who hated her career of political assassinations." The judge moaned, shaking his head.
"He's well known to date people like that," the client said. "The community has rumors of him and his twin brother both dating that way."
He grinned. "Xander's boyfriend Stephen isn't really *good* but he's good to him so I don't mind them. Or Stephen doing naughty things to get the girls weapons."
"Weapons?" the judge demanded.
"My twin's the watcher in Africa, Your Honor. Sometimes he needs some."
"I suppose that's a point and of course no government is going to put up with all that stuff so they don't give them over," he sighed. He rubbed his forehead again. "Mr. Harris, could we convince you to practice law on the other coast?"
"No, Your Honor. I just bought a new house." He smiled. "And people want me to run for office too. Harder to do out in LA."
The judge moaned, slumping and shaking his head. "Why?"
"Because I'm ethical, fair, and will keep protecting people like my clients, Your Honor." He smiled at his client then at him. "They want my friend Tony to run too. He's so far refused."
"Uh-huh." He nodded at that. "Go have breakfast, Mr. Harris. Your client's proven his point and his business license is safe." He banged his gavel. "The damages are awarded as asked for and pouted about by the other side." He looked at Alex. "You could run to be a judge."
"I may some day," he agreed. "When I'm out of my funner years. I've only been a lawyer for a few years."
"Point." He banged his gavel and walked off shaking his head. He needed to have a nap. Harris was sapping all the energy from the courtroom today.
Alex beamed at his client. "We can go over the damages awarded tonight if you want but I really do need to stop for at least a muffin."
"I can do that tomorrow, Alex. Have a good night."
"You too!" He got his things and left to go find something to eat before he bit someone. There were too many bad ones here who'd like him to do that to them so he needed a tasty burger instead. He ate most of it on the way back to the office. "I'll apologize to the judge about being bouncy if I need to," he said as he walked past his supervisor.
He ran into a poodle, who was staring at him. "It has mustard, Boris." He licked a piece of the burger clean of it with a sigh and handed it over, making him bark and run back to Mommy. "I liked the mustard off, Alexsis." He went to his own office to finish his brunch.
She came to the door. "What did you give him?"
"Piece of my burger that I'm having for brunch since I didn't get breakfast." He grimaced. "And I was late to court thanks to some hostage takers at the bank. He begs by stare very well."
"Try not to give him people food, Alex?" she asked. "He's had an upset stomach."
"It's a cheap burger with a tiny bit of cheese, but I did lick the mustard and ketchup off the top."
"Thank you. Treats only." She went back to check on her dog, who was now napping on her spare chair. She checked but her baby was fine, just napping, and farting a bit. She rolled her eyes but got back to work.
Alex finished his second burger in a hurry so he could type up the case's ending sheet for the group to go over and bill hours. Then he had another case to start to research. He looked around. "Did I have Caspian today?" he asked himself.
"No, he's in the daycare," Alexsis called back. "You got him to feel better about four this morning by your emails."
"Oh, okay. Thanks, Alexsis. It's been a long day." He went back to work. His boss came to the door so he grinned hopefully at him. "Judge Riveria wants me to go practice on the west coast again. I'm sorry I was a bit bouncy but I hadn't even had breakfast."
He nodded. "Why were you late?"
"Guys taking hostages at the bank I use?"
"Why?" he asked patiently.
"We're not sure. Tony and I met up there to go to brunch before court and neither of us were certain if it was a request to go back to jail that way or maybe get shot for someone to get insurance."
"Dying in a criminal act wouldn't pay out that way," his supervisor said. "So you were bouncy?"
"I was really hungry. Caspian threw up half the night. I didn't get breakfast. The hostage takers wouldn't even let me have coffee, Stephen."
He just nodded. "Have you had some since then?"
"I got a burger on the way back here," he said happily. "Even if I did give Boris a piece when he begged."
"Have more caffeine."
"My client said he'd be here tomorrow to go over the details of the settlement."
"That's fine." He went to make note. Alex forwarded the closure report to him so he could see what had happened and handle it if he wasn't there. You never knew what would happen. The officers could get mad at him for helping handle things before they got there. It wouldn't be the first time.
Stephen came back. "They said that the plot to get you to run for office is now to get you to be your friend's wife and let him run for office."
"We can both do that and if we fall into bed, that's fine." He smiled. "Tony's really mostly straight though. If he flirted I'd let him."
"Great. You could use someone to help fill up that huge house of yours."
"I told her it'd be too big but it was about the only one. Or I'd have to go back to a row house setup."
"The dogs would hate having no yard." He left him to work. It lasted for about an hour. "Harris?" he called up the hallway.
Alex came out, knife casually hidden up his sleeve. "What's up?" He looked at the man standing there. "Wesley? You got sent back?"
"I did." He smirked a bit. "What are you doing here?"
"Let me guess, the PTB forgot we're twins?" he asked dryly.
"Well...."
"Xander's back at home. Has been for over a month and a half."
"Are you sure?"
"Unless he died and I'd probably know. I do when he's seriously injured."
"Oh." He nodded then tried to attack but Alex got him with the dagger and pinned him to a wall. "Lad," he sighed.
Alex looked at the guard. "Go get my phone and dial the number for Giles please." The guard nodded, doing that. He came back with it on speaker. "Giles, it's Alex. It's a huge thing. Did you know the PTB sent back someone else?"
"Lad, he's in the kitchen. Let me get the phone to him," a female voice said. "Rupert, it's a young guy who sounds like Xander!"
"Well, I'm his twin so yeah, we mostly do." Wesley tried to get free but Alex got him in the nuts with the dagger so he quit moving as he fell down with a moan. He took the phone to hold with a grin. "Thanks, Greg. Watch him please?" He waved as the video connected. "Hey. Did you know the PTB sent back someone?"
"No. Who?" Alex showed him the one on the ground. "Is that Wesley?" he demanded.
"He thought I was Xander and attacked me for being employed. He struggled so I stabbed him lightly in the balls."
"Oh, dear." He took off his glasses. "Why would he care? The PTB hate your brother and yourself, still."
"They're welcome for not being bored after humanity would've died from Xander saving it," Alex said dryly. Wesley moaned at that. "What do you want me to do with him?"
"I'd say he may need medical attention, but I'm not certain if they sent him back or someone else did."
"Are we looking at a situation like the First?" Alex asked, looking tired.
"I haven't heard at all." He put back on his glasses. "Get him to Sandra?"
"She left last week to go to Cambridge, Mass for college, her masters."
"Does DC not have a slayer?"
"One of the feds is one who didn't want to patrol."
"I'll contact her through Buffy and have her come pick him up. Can you keep him there safely?"
"I doubt he's going to move or I'm going to stick an emergency Grover egg on him." Wesley whined at that idea. He grinned at him then at the phone. "We all know I'm not the nice one. Xander would be very amused."
"Probably," Giles agreed. "I'll try to get her there within an hour. I'll let you know what's going on as soon as I talk to him." He hung up calling for Buffy to bring her phone to him.
Alex put his phone into his pocket. "Sure, you can sit in my closet, Wes. I'll go pull out my emergency kit to get the egg baby that'll eat your insides. We'll have fun while I research for a case." He hauled him up with a moan for his shoulder, hiking him to his closet to stuff him in there. Then he sat down with a huff to get back to work.
He noted it on his time sheet. He smiled at the criminal lawyer who came to his doorway. "He's in trouble but there's an agent coming for him. There's a first aid kit in there if he wants to use it. He can moan I'm mean and I'll be pleased." He smiled again. "We'll figure out why a harbinger of doom showed up here instead of Cleveland or with my twin."
"You're acting like this is normal, Harris."
"Earlier today I was helping end some hostage takers who didn't appreciate that I'm truly not that pleasant when you push at me." He grinned. "They didn't even remember I'm a twin. He probably wanted Xander."
"Great." He went to tell the higher ups that. He came back. "Are you going to be arrested for whatever this morning?"
"They didn't try to when I had to run off for court. Though I think they were still groaning. Tony could've told them where I was."
"Great." He went to tell them that with the other news.
Alex looked up. "Cordy, if you can hear me, might want to let someone know if he was officially sent back or if he's from the First's crap again." He went back to his research. The agent/slayer showed up with a huff. "Hey," he said with a grin. "How're you, Shelly?"
"A bit pissed this happened here. I wanted to stay retired."
"So do I."
"Aren't you in Africa?"
"I'm Xander's twin. He's still in Africa."
"Oh, good." She opened the closet door at his point. "Well, you're a bad omen no matter what."
"He told me the PTB sent him but I'm not sure. He can go to Giles. I'm assuming if he wanted to he used the first aid kit that was in there." She nodded at that. "I stabbed him lightly in the balls for fighting against me."
She looked at him. "That's evil for a guy to do to a guy."
"Which is why they never expect it of me." He smirked. "Let me know if he says anything about me or this law firm please."
"I can do that." She hauled him up. "Did you read him his rights?"
"It wouldn't have mattered if I had if he's arrested. One of you has to do it, not me."
"Point." She walked Wesley off in cuffs, making him stumble a few times. Giles was on his way down to talk to him. The guy was listed as dead. He was going to be under arrest, even with freaky things.
***
Xander was pouting with Alex, both of them in Cleveland for the weekend for something going on. Xander wasn't happy that Stephen had refused to come, leaving him at the mercy of all the women. Alex wasn't happy that he had been summoned by Willow, who had told his bosses she was going to have to summon him. She had decided to unretire him for this event for some reason against his will. Thankfully Tony could dog sit for him since this was apparently an emergency.
"We have to have guys to fight this," Willow told them. "It'll eat women."
Alex stared at her then at the other watchers. "You've got nineteen here. Plus Connor and Gunn."
"They can't fight," she snorted.
"Neither could we when we started," Xander reminded her. "And you think we still can't." She huffed off. He glared at her back. "I need to sic something on her to lick her again."
Alex looked at him. "I may have a poker debt who'd do that." He glared at the watchers staring at them. "So, you've decided to be useless this time?" They stomped off. He waved at their backs. "We'll see you later I'm sure." They slammed the library door. He looked at his twin, who shrugged back. "Any idea what the hell this is going to be?"
"Some debutante demon who hates girls?" he guessed. "My poker circle has not a clue."
"Mine either when I called them after Tony to make sure he could dog and house sit." They looked things up online and Xander texted Gunn to see if he had heard anything. Nothing. And no one said anything about it not being something girls could fight.
"Fuck this," Xander said quietly. "I need Stephen's belt." He texted him, getting a huff back because they had something going on but his people were fixing it for them. "Great. He's got a huge problem too." He texted the nearest generals to see if they could help Stephen and his team. They were already helping and things were going bad. "Damn it!" He got up, stomping out to glare at Willow. "You took me away from something that's taking six militaries and my boyfriend to fight. Send me home. Now."
"I...we need you here!"
"Bullshit. They need me there. I have the weapons locked to my fingerprints." He glared at a witch nearby, who nodded and sent him. He ran to get the weapons trunk open and came out to fire on it with the others. "Case is open, people." The military guys ran to get some too. "Fucking witches," he told a general. "But it'll eat women," he said in falsetto. They all nodded at that. They'd seen one of those before. "By the rumors underground, there wasn't. Unless it's this one."
"No, this won't eat women," one general called. "It didn't one of mine. Swatted at her greatly but didn't try to do more than disable her."
"Okay. Good to know." He got something else to fire on it. It finally died and he sighed, slumping against the weapons tube. Stephen looked over from his spot. "The witches sent me back," he called with a wave. "There's nineteen watchers in Cleveland but apparently they can't fight."
"I'd stop that in a heartbeat," Stephen said, coming over. "You good?"
"Just tired from the hefting and toting." He accepted a hug and they found something to clean up the mess.
***
Alex turned off the tv that the scrying spell had been attached to. "Well, that was bad." He looked at the witches. "Why is there nothing on this in the underground?"
They shook their heads. "Willow heard it from somewhere."
Alex nodded. "And the other watchers?"
"They can't fight."
"They can fight. They learned in school," Alex reminded her. "That's more than Xander and I had when we jumped in when we met Buffy. We could only throw rocks." They winced. "Frankly, that's part of their job. Why are you letting them get away with it?"
"They're important," one sneered. "You're...."
"The guy defending the peaceful community in DC? Yeah! I am!" He nodded, smirking at her. "While making sure they're not arrested for looking funny and straightening out those that try to close down businesses for their owners being from the community. I've got three jobs to do at once. And they've all impacted my law career.
"Thank the Goddess that I don't have a family and kids to take care of instead of dogs. I have a good friend who likes to dog sit." They stomped off. Alex muttered, looking at Giles, who was cleaning his glasses. "You know I'm right."
"I do," he agreed with a nod. "I'll be in the same battle, lad."
Alex snorted. "Giles, you can barely walk today thanks to your ankle. You can fire on people." He nodded, smiling some. "Otherwise, are we sure something's going to happen?"
"She's apparently heard rumors during a poker game."
"None of the poker circuit claims to know anything about this. Not mine or Xander's contacts." He sat down. "For that matter, what are we supposed to use to defeat this great evil thing?"
"I have no idea what it'll take. She's not sure what it is."
Buffy stomped in with Faith behind her. "What are you doing here?" Buffy demanded. "You retired!"
"Willow called my bosses and then kidnaped me to come handle it. It was me and Xander but he had a real battle to deal with, including the six militaries helping him. So he's back there." He leaned back, waving a hand. "We know nothing about this being or why the other watchers can't fight suddenly."
"It's dangerous to men," Faith said, looking confused.
"Willow told us it's dangerous to women," Alex told her.
"Not that we know of," Buffy said, going to find Willow. "We'll figure it out since it's tonight."
"Tell us what we need to use on it too," Alex called after her. "Since all my weapons but my sidearm are at home." Faith winced at that. He nodded. "Called my bosses and then kidnaped me from the office. Thankfully Tony can dog sit and house sit."
***
Law and Orderly Chaos.