Alex looked at the woman stomping up to him. "Yes, ma'am?" he asked.
"Are you defending a business that wants to eat people?" she demanded.
He sighed. "We're working out what rules would have to be followed strictly if they did open anything that would procure live food sources, though not humans. The judge has made it clear that they cannot deal with human victims. Even if their people do sometimes, at special life events, take a victim from the slave trades on other realms." He stared at her. "They're not going to be doing that in the US."
"They should go home!" she shouted with a point.
"Yeah but their realm got destroyed by a military incident that basically released a nuke level bomb as a test. Over three-quarters of their people died. The rest went to various other realms. There's nineteen of them on this realm. Most of them went to realms that would be more suitable to their physical needs." She gaped in horrified awe. He nodded.
"They're very slow breeders. They're trying to stay within regulations and know that the US won't allow them to eat people. Even if some people would volunteer like a certain PETA member recently did to keep them from eating a dog." He shrugged.
"My job is to help them deal with government regulations that they'll have to follow and set up agreements on any tweaks to laws that may be needed. And really, we're all fighting against laws that could later be twisted for someone like Dahmer or that cannibal in Germany who took applications for new food sources and got sixty." She shuddered, stepping away looking horrified. "They're not the first."
"That's still disgusting!"
"Yes," he said with a nod. "And they feel the same way about people who eat vegetables because it would kill them if they did. They actually need live meat to live. It can cause them to slowly die of brain changes. Do you expect them to die for needing different things?" She huffed but slumped.
"They've all but agreed to never take a human in the US. The other day a PETA member did volunteer and they took her up on it, and that was really stupid of her, but ...." He shrugged again. "What do you want them to do? If they die off, their species isn't all that ancient but it is a species. Are you really into genocide?"
"No," she admitted, grimacing. "They have to eat live meat?"
"Yeah." He nodded. "It's unfortunate but it will cause brain changes if they don't. Usually they do eat animals. So do other species though." She pouted but nodded. "It's just these ones that take a human for specific, important life events. They're finding some way to deal with that. Including someone doing a research study to see if we have any medicines that can ease that problem for them so they don't eat humans."
"There are?"
"The senior healers have researchers and one team is looking at their needs to see if something can help with that. They're trying to live within the rules the government put out. They're not asking for huge exemptions and their business would supply small animals to others who also eat small animals. Including some vampires. The kitten poker circuit could use it too." She grimaced but shook her head. "Plenty of species do eat flesh. So do we, we just call it chicken and steak."
"I didn't think about that."
He nodded. "To that species, humans are like super expensive steaks that cost you a hundred bucks an ounce."
"I can understand that," she admitted. "But it's disgusting."
"We all agree with that. Me, the other lawyers, the judge, and they know that humans see it that way. We're trying to work it out so they can do small animals and work out any rules for future food procurers for the community that needs fleshy things to eat. There's only so many cat breeders that'll work with the community. And no shelters will do more than give them the ones that're going to be put down anyway."
"It's still gross."
He nodded. "Many of them would see vegans the same way. Including some plant based species. A PETA member ran into one of them and ran off crying because the plant being ate meat. Apparently they didn't realize some plants are carnivores." He sighed. "We're doing what we can to make a happy medium between the two sides. The judge made it clear he won't agree to them having humans."
"Well." She looked at her staring friends then at him. "Why take on that case?"
"Because later on, there'll be people who're breeding other animals for the community so we have to set up the rules now for them too. And even cannibals are entitled to legal representation. Plus I'm a single lawyer in my own business. I have to support my dogs somehow."
She nodded. "I guess I can see that. It's still gross."
He nodded. "I feel the same way about the people who willingly eat bugs just because they're crunchy. My twin's in an area that has a drought now and then so they *have* to eat bugs sometimes for protein. I can't hold that against them for eating to survive even if I do hate the hipsters who make them into suckers. They really defiled the sacred candy in my opinion."
She snorted, walking off shaking her head. "At least you're honest and ethical."
"I do try," he assured her. "I pride myself on being ethical." He went back to his trip to the grocery store. It was only a block from his house so he could walk it. He saw an officer glaring and ignored him but paid attention to where he was. Just in case they tried to attack him again. He stared in the meat case, grimacing at the selection. "How do you make a roast?" he asked himself. He looked at a nearby woman. "How do you make a roast, ma'am?"
"Slow cooker," she quipped.
"Oh. Okay. I don't think I have one of those." He pouted. "I wanted cow." He picked up some stuff and some chips then checked out to walk home. He nearly made it before someone tried to run into him. He glared at the demon and they rushed off. "I'm going to talk to the poker hall," he told himself. He went home to put up his food and make dinner, looking at his email.
Someone was complaining he was undermining the client so he explained to them how the US judicial system handled business problems that came to them from the government, and how realistically some things weren't going to be allowed. Ever. And he had told his client that. He had been very clear about what he could do to help that client and how it would probably end up. He hadn't hid anything from his client, or any other client. He was ethical and usually over explained according to most of them.
"Ask any of them." He sent that email and went back to his dinner. The dogs looked over from the couch so he put down food for them too. They ran in to eat and then got to spend some daddy time outside with him. They loved to play in the dirt he hadn't covered up with sod yet. It let Duke dig holes, which he adored doing.
***
Tony looked at the lawyer that was bothering him. "Alex told them exactly what he could and could not do. He's always ethical about that. He also probably told them exactly how far they could push their wants and needs with the court or the government. He was honest about them never allowing them to take humans.
"There's only one judge in DC would allow that and that's because he's a serial rapist and killer but no one's arrested him yet because he's got blackmail on someone. If you ask that client, they'll tell you that. Or ask Alex and he's got film from all meetings in case these sort of questions come up legally."
"Is that standard?"
"I take voice recordings. Most of us do with new clients. That way we're covered if they want to protest a legal issue with our service."
"I didn't realize that."
"The firm he used to work for had security cameras taping the whole building and they pulled from them."
"We didn't know that was standard."
Tony nodded with a grin. "It is. Pretty much all lawyers do that as far as I know. We were taught it was a standard practice in our third year class."
"Oh." He nodded at that, grimacing some. "How is that case going?"
"We're working the more obviously weird rules that would have to be bent while making sure they can't be twisted by later groups who want to mistreat animals. We're making sure it'll be standard for all the procurers in the community. Including the breeders for the kitten poker circuit."
"I can see that I guess. Is Harris all right?"
"Bit pissed. A friend he'd known since the first day of kindergarten tried to kill him and then others tried to kill him to help her ideas."
"Oh. We hadn't heard."
"One of the coven decided the redheaded thang had a point to try to kill both of the twins. Put out a contract." That demon winced but nodded. "He's still pissed off."
"I would be disappointed too." He looked at the lawyer who had just come in. "Do you tape all new client meetings?"
"I tape every single meeting, voice recordings mostly. Cameras would be too obvious in my office." He got a drink and sat down with them. "Why?"
"Alex's case," Tony told him.
"Ah. Yeah. He had to have told the group that they wouldn't get permission for human eating." Tony nodded. "No judge would do that."
"Moranth would," Tony quipped. "He's a serial rapist and killer. He's just got blackmail."
"Can you prove that?" the lawyer asked with a smirk. "Otherwise that's just nasty gossip, DiNozzo."
"Yeah, I worked one of the cases. He squirreled out of it by trying to throw his son under the bus to make reasonable doubt. The DNA was too clouded."
"Shit."
"Yeah." He grinned and nodded. "That's why he got sent to family court instead of criminal."
"That makes sense." He sipped his drink, nodding as he swallowed. "Anyway, Harris feeling better?"
"Mostly back to full Alex ways and means," Tony quipped. "Still a bit sore and really pissed at some magic using beings."
"I'd be pissed too," the demon said. "He protected her for years."
Tony nodded. "He was morose and told me. He was missing a few things." He finished his drink. "We go in for the final hearing, we hope, next week. That'll set down precedents for animal procurers for the community. We're making sure that some unethical corporate farms can't twist them to allow them to slip by with shitty practices. The client's been there each and every hearing to help with what's needed versus what's wanted."
"Which is what you'd expect," the other lawyer agreed. "It's how we all handle those things when the community has to fight outstanding regulations."
Tony nodded. "I've helped with a few that weren't community related. We bring in proof of why, we bring in how we can rearrange it, and then if the government won't work with us we go to court and let a judge sort it out."
"Are you and Harris teaming up after this case?" the other lawyer asked.
"Not sure. Running a law office is really boring." The other lawyer nodded at that, smiling at him. "It may solve some things for both of us but I'm not sure. Though I do like working out of Alex's study. It's got some great woodwork he preserved. Plus there's the dogs."
The demon shook his head. "He may lose one soon."
"They are old and the vet said they've probably got about eight months or so left by their age and conditions. We'll help Alex handle it." The demon nodded, going to share that news around. He looked at the other lawyer. "How have you stood to do this for years?"
"Sure beats living by someone else's rules." He smiled as he finished his drink. "Though I need someone to handle a tax matter. Go to someone decent not cheap to do business taxes."
"I was going to Perkins. One of his newbies is one of my former classmates."
"I did that last year and got audited. They missed a few things."
"Then maybe I'll go see Miranda at the IRS to see who she'd recommend. She's an ex, she'll probably send me to someone mean but expensive. Like she was." The other lawyer stared at him, smiling some. "I've dated a good few times. Being at NCIS cut down on repeated dates so I had to start all over again about every four months."
"Wow." He blinked. "I'm glad I found my wife in my undergrad and she stood with me." He shook his head, going to get another drink.
"I had one of those but then she found I was going law enforcement and left me to go with a frat brother who went to med school." He shrugged but got his own second drink, sitting down again. Usually he got a few people to come asking him about some legal case they were going over. Tonight would hopefully have at least one case coming out of it. He could use a new job in a few weeks.
***
Alex sighed as he looked at his new client a few days later, shaking his head. "You need to plea. You won't get out of it. The lawyer knows the poker circuit too." The demon moaned. "I'm sorry, I can help you plea but I can't defend you from that. If I did, people would hate me for breaking my own ethics. And all a lawyer has is their reputation. So do you want to talk about plea bargains you could make?"
"No! I want to be free of all this!"
"Then hindsight shows that you should've went through with the divorce instead of having her eaten by a poker debt." He stared at him.
"Wolfram and Hart would have defended me!"
"Yes, and they were evil. They had LA invaded. It meant I had to unretire to go help fight it." The demon shuddered, shrinking away from him. "They had no ethics. I have a lot of ethics. That's probably why they came after me and made me break them." He smiled. "I can talk to the prosecutor about a plea bargain."
"I will not give in to human justice."
"The prosecutor has offered to take you to the demon courts." The demon whined and shook his head quickly. That would mean he could be killed by his former wife's family in a blood debt or be sold into slavery if found guilty. He did not want that.
"I can stand up for you while you have your arraignment today but I'm not going to help you get out of this charge. I can help you lessen the consequences with a plea bargain. The prosecutor is *livid* to get you behind bars though. And he's talked to your wife's family and your two children." The demon winced at that reminder. "It's up to you who stands with you at the arraignment. I will do that much as there's no one else in line to take that job."
"How would I even do that?"
"You can plead whatever you want. If you plead guilty they'll go to a plea bargain hearing quickly to get the case out of the system. It's overcrowded. You can plead guilty and ask for a deal that gets you to your punishment within days instead of waiting months and then serving whatever sentence they give you.
"You can plead guilty by reason of temporary or permanent insanity. That would mean you go from there to a psychiatric exam. If you're found sane then you're going to trial. If not, they'll rest the case until you're sane. Then have the trial. So you'll spend longer inside.
"You can plead innocent and they'll schedule a trial and either give you a public defender or give you a few days to find a new lawyer to support you. You have a few minutes to decide and then the guards will take you to the courtroom, where I'll meet you, and you can plea however you want."
"Could they just send me away?"
"I have no idea what the prosecutor is thinking. I can ask him for his ideas to tell you the way he's leaning. That's well within the ethical code even if you don't continue with me. Would you like me to?" The demon nodded, waving a hand. "Okay. I'll see you up there." He looked at the waiting guard, who came in to lead him off.
Alex went to find the prosecutor, finding him in his office. "We're meeting in a few minutes for an arraignment. I explained his options to him and that I could not continue if he wanted to beat that. He wanted to know what leaning a plea may contain to make a decision."
The prosecutor smiled at him. "Hadley is taking it over for me. I've got to recuse myself due to knowing him from the poker circuit."
"Oh, great. Is she still in breeding evil mode?"
"She's a human but yes, Alex. Her pregnancy has made her permanently evil minded. It did to my wife too but it made her all the more sexy for it."
"Maybe that's who I need to date them. Hadley?" he called, tipping his head back. She leaned out of her office. "I hear I'm facing you for an arraignment in about a hour."
"Are you sticking with him?"
"I've informed him I could not stay with him if he wanted to plead innocent so he wanted to know what sort of leaning your breeding mood has turned your evil mind toward. Not promising but he's curious about his options."
She stroked her pregnant stomach. "I hate spousal abusers. Absolutely hate them. Could his people be held securely in a jail?"
"They can eat people, usually eat flesh. They're not particularly tough usually. Him personally I have no idea if he's ever been in a fight."
"So a super max situation and restrictions will be needed to make sure he's healthy." She considered it, leaning on the wall. "I'm leaning more towards prison for at least twenty years to be honest. To make sure it never happens again."
"Expulsion from the realm?" Alex offered.
"Hell no!"
"Her family could petition the demonic courts to take him out legally."
"Which I'd cheer for," she quipped with a grin. "I won't go below fifteen years in a super max."
"I'll let him know that's how you're leaning. Thanks, lady, and I hope it's not permanently evil." He stared at her stomach. "It's moving."
"It kicks," she said dryly. "All kids do that."
"I know nothing about kids," he said dryly, smiling at her. "The pregnant teens in Sunnydale got driven out of town because the hellmouth caused birth defects. Which I carry some of and why I told you not to get too close to me just in case."
"That's sweet, Alex, but she'll be fine. The next great prosecutor and maybe a judge."
He grinned. "Can't wait to see her take the bench if she has your brains and messy nature." She hit him on the arm but he grinned, going to talk to his client. His client hated that idea when he explained what a super max prison was like. So it looked like this was a once-off case for him. They looked back at the people coming in for the arraignment and Alex winced. "That's the head of the poker circuit," he muttered, going to talk to him. "Good morning."
"Harris," he said with a nod. "Are you his attorney?"
"For this arraignment. I've told him I won't take this case if wants to plead innocent after today because I have ethics."
"That's reasonable. Is there a plea offered?"
"Not yet and not formally. I asked the DA how she was leaning and she's given me that answer. I've informed him and he's considering his options. It's up to him."
"That's reasonable." He nodded. "I will be here to claim him for the children and the demonic court."
"I'll let the DA know that. She's mean but she purrs at the meanness of the demon courts." That one smiled at that. "Are his kids okay?"
"They were taken in by those veiled nuns."
"They seem nice when I run into one." He went back to talk to his client, who was whining again. "We may be able to get the judge to agree to hold you down here then release you to the courts up there instead of handing you over immediately."
"So I suffer for longer?"
"True."
He moaned. "I do not like my options."
Alex nodded. "Should've probably just went with the divorce then. Hadley wants to make sure no one else tries this. There's been a few humans who did the same thing through the poker circuit and they're in a jail for life. Or longer. A few are in for years longer than they're expected to live."
The demon blinked. "They would hold them alive?"
"No. It means they're going to die in there. You can be held to multiple life sentences and still only serve the course of your life."
The demon looked at the head of the poker circuit then at him. "What would you do?"
"I would've went for the divorce." The head of the poker circuit laughed at that. "Right now, your choice is to plea or not to plea and to fight going to the demon courts or not. If you plead innocent and have to go to a trial, you take your chances on the outcome and the demon court would have to wait until after the end of your trial to try to claim you for punishment."
"I should just end myself."
"Don't do it in the courtroom," Alex said. "But you wouldn't be the first in jail who did that." He stared at him. "It is up to you how you plea today. You can change it later if you choose innocent and make a deal at a later point." He nodded at the two lawyers coming in. "She's the DA over your case. The other had to recuse himself due to conflict of interest; he knows the poker circuit."
The demon nodded at that. "The other?"
"I believe that's a federal prosecutor for the Department of Justice." The man looked over and smiled smugly. "Yes, he is. For this case?" The guy smiled and nodded again. "Okay." He looked at him. "I'd plea. I really would plea. That's my best advice to you. You'll only face a trial if you plea innocent today and keep it. You can change to a deal at a later date if you plead innocent today.
"Or you can have me go talk to her about a deal for real. You'll have to make up your mind by the time the judge calls your case in about twenty minutes probably." He stepped back and sat down. "I'll note you need certain things to help you stay alive if you're going to be in jail."
"Thank you. They tried to feed me eggs this morning."
"Yeah. Eggs are pretty standard," Alex said with a nod. "Cheap protein."
"It is the unborn."
"No, eggs for human consumption aren't fertilized. The hens are kept away from any roosters and their reproductive organs. Like a woman having a cycle because she didn't get pregnant."
"Oh, I did not know that." He considered it and his options. He was screwed. Truly screwed. He looked at the head of the poker circuit and who had come with him. That was a demonic court prosecutor. Three prosecutors there to prove he was an idiot. He really should just die easily and humanely. He got called up and looked at the prosecutors stepping up.
"Your Honor," Hadley said happily. "We come here with a new addition. This is DOJ Prosecutor Hammish. He's here to want to take over this case."
"Are you formally turning it over?" the judge asked.
"He wants us to, he'll be presenting paperwork for that in a few."
"So a separate hearing. All right. I see others in addition, Mr. Harris?"
"This is the head of the local poker circuit, Your Honor. With him is one of the top mutli-realm prosecutors for the demonic courts, Mr. Aalanthanke. He is analogous to Mr. Hammish." That one nodded, stepping forward.
The judge accepted his credentials to look at, handing them back with a nod. "I take it from your client's expression he realizes he's in a lot of trouble?"
"Yes, Your Honor, I have explained to him all the options he has. He's aware of that and that I may not be able to continue to be his lawyer due to ethical concerns. I would refer him to someone like Kellers and Fritch for a trial. They're excellent and ethical."
"I've heard that." He looked at the lawyers then the client. "I'll let you gather yourself then ask how you plea, Sir."
"I'm an idiot," the demon said quietly. "I really am." He gathered himself. "I want to plead not guilty at the moment, Your Honor. I like to take risks."
The judge nodded with a smile. "I can see that option being risky. All right. Do we have precedence for the trial or does the federal court? I'm told the demonic courts would have to take control of him after his verdict?"
"That is the agreement we set up," that prosecutor said. "We would sit in to help do the prosecution."
"That's a reasonable option," the judge agreed. "Mr. Hammish, why does the federal government think this is their business instead of regular felony courts?"
"He used an inter-state contact to allegedly eat his wife, Your Honor. In fact it went across realms. Is that why the demonic courts want him?"
"No, we have a blood debt law," that lawyer said. "His children want to kill him greatly with their maternal family members."
"Oh, that's interesting." He nodded. "The government does believe in the death penalty so I don't see that as a conflict I'd argue against." He smiled at him and shook his hand. "Pleasure to learn more about the demonic courts."
"It's wonderful to learn more about this realm's version." He shook his hand. "Mr. Harris, are you qualified for the demon courts?"
"I have status and what they called a participatory license to handle minor cases of business matters but not criminal. It was granted after the Seppeson case had to sit in both courts. That way it didn't have to go through another three lawyers to handle it all at once."
"How do you have status?" he asked.
Alex stared at him. "Beating enemies. I conquered, I won."
"I do like those laws and how some was gifted to the LA team."
"I like Connor, he's a neat guy who doesn't understand a lot about women."
That lawyer smiled and nodded. "We've seen. What status do you have?" The head of the poker circuit handed him a slim book so he could look that up. "Oh." He let him see it.
Alex smiled and taped one. "They came after me last month so I fought back." He shrugged but smiled. "I had to defend myself. Even if I did have a sword."
The lawyer shivered. "Your twin is amusing as well."
"We do try. I heard some sitcom somewhere watched Alex now and then to see what he was doing."
"Hmm, that's an amusing show. We enjoy watching him and his boyfriend having arguments about things like your twin being too tough."
"Sometimes Stephen thinks Xander's a princess." He shrugged but smiled. "He thinks I'm boring."
"Some people need action," the head of the poker circuit said. He handed the book back. "You will not defend him in front of us?"
"I handle business matters up there. I can handle a criminal case down here but my ethics state I will not take a case I know is worrying to defend. If I cannot say that the person deserves to be found innocent, then I will not take a case."
"That's ethical and correct to do so," that lawyer agreed. The other two prosecutors nodded they agreed. "We would adore helping the trial for this one," he told the judge.
"Then we'll hold a trial." He banged his gavel.
"Your Honor, I have the healer's briefing sheet on his people's medical and nutritional needs," Alex said, handing it to the bailiff. "We'd like him to stay safe as well."
"Specially protected ward is fine," the judge agreed, looking it over. "A bit dietary restricted so I'll make sure the jail knows, Mr. Harris. We want hin healthy so he can stand trial." He looked at the demon, who shrank down. He looked at the prosecutors. "Is the federal government going to take this over?"
"Just on that count, Your Honor. The conspiracy charge. The murder charge is all yours. If we can do it at the same time, my bosses will not fully mind. That way we don't have to have it twice."
"I can allow that as a preliminary but the trial judge will have to formally agree as you know." He signed that order. "I wish you luck, sir. It looks like you may need it." The demon moaned but nodded, letting himself be led out. He handed that officer the briefing sheet, getting a nod bad.
Downstairs, that officer handed that one over. "His species briefing sheet from Harris." The transport officers looked it over and nodded. "And this guy has *three* prosecutors coming for him. A demon court one, a federal one, and a local one."
"I should have paid for the divorce," the demon muttered, looking down.
"We can put him on suicide risk," the transport officer said happily. "It'll go with the protection order." He led him to the bus to lock him to his seat, then went to get the others. He could walk that one and one other one on suicide watch in personally to make sure someone knew.
Alex looked at the demon court prosecutor. "Have any of you thought about giving a lecture to our law schools about how the demon courts are run?"
"I had not. It's not a bad idea," he admitted happily. "We may get new lawyers. Some have started here and then come up to our own training academy." He smiled at the other two.
"We can talk about that over lunch. My baby's hungry," Hadley said, walking off with them to talk about the case and other matters.
Alex smiled at the head of the poker circuit, who nodded back. "Are they over being mad at me again?"
"Yes." He walked off with him. "Mostly. Though one would want to claim Caspian as a snack."
"I'd kill him. Greatly. It'd be a huge mess."
"We know. He thinks having pets is weird."
"He can bite me and I'll just break his jaw but if he touches my dogs I'm going to have to make a mess."
The demon patted him on the back. "We know, Harris. You're more protective over them than you are that nice one you talk with."
"Tony? He's a buddy. I doubt he'll turn on me like the Great Magical Disaster did."
"We still have her banished for that."
"Don't tempt me to get a wish to banish her for real." He sighed. "Is Stephen back on thinking Xander's a princess?"
"Yes. Quite. He doesn't want him to go into the upcoming battle because he could die."
"I'll expect the usual letter then." He grimaced. "Will they need me?"
"I have no idea. I know before you followed the urge to the airport and woke up on the plane."
"Thankfully Tony could dog sit that week." He sighed as they walked outside. There were guards there. "Am I in trouble?" They nodded. "For?"
"You exist," one said smugly.
Alex waved them on. "C'mon then. Let me make this mess."
"Don't even!" a court guard yelled. More came running. "Harris, you know better."
"They came to kill me, they can shoot their wads and I'll handle the mess so you can hose them off the steps." He looked at the demon. "You should go be safe. I'll be in there tonight for the meeting."
"If you're sure."
"I'm sure I'll survive this." The demon nodded left him to it. He stared at the idiots. "Well?"
"They will not or their arrests aren't going to be pretty," a guard said.
"He's against the local cops," one sneered.
"I got attacked by a dirty cop," Alex sneered back. "He started it. I just got him in the shoulder with a knife. You guys killed him yourselves. There's copies of the tapes in a few places, which shows they carried him out of the house alive." One tried to shoot at him but the guards got him for it. The others used that as a distraction to try to get Alex. Who defended himself.
He got a bit injured but he beat most of them. One got a lucky swing at his face so blacked his eye. Alex got him in the face with his briefcase for it. That made the guy fall down the stairs. Alex waved. "Bye. Have a great trip." He kicked the one coming for him from the side and they blocked it but couldn't fully block the briefcase or the guard who got him from behind. "Wow," Alex said sarcastically. "How brilliant you are since there's cameras here too.
"We're going to show them at their trials," the head guard for the courthouse said as he came down to join them. "Harris, do you suck that hard usually?"
"I'm on stairs and don't have a sword," he quipped with a smirk for him. "And I didn't pull my gun, or my knife, which I'd usually have done."
"Point. Thank you for that. We didn't need civilians involved."
"I hate collateral damage. I'd have run for the alley around the corner and taken them on there."
The head guard stared at him. "Not the greatest plan but nice thought to keep civilians out of it. They're ours now so you go get an ice pack."
"I'll use my lunchtime meal replacement coffee drink to ice it later. Have fun and let me know what their malfunction was this time." He strolled off shaking his head as he walked over one. "Did they send you to throw you away as victims?" he quipped. That one struggled but the officers held him down.
"Boys, they're offending me with their lack of skills," the head guard ordered. "Get them locked in and arraigned so they can go to jail today." They dragged the team off to do that. It wasn't the first time they'd had people fighting on the courthouse steps. Probably wouldn't be the last. It was just nice not to need an ambulance.
***
Alex had been having the worst day when he got Xander's 'if I die' letter. He called his twin, walking away from the person trying to argue with him at his fence's gateway. "If you should die again from that problem down there I'm going to show up, invade over there, and sacrifice them all to bring your ass back to life, twin'o mine. I'll have a ton of fun doing it.
"Everyone will realize that I'm going to bring you back as they die. Including anyone trying to stop me thanks to the zombie army I'll make from them." Xander giggled at that. "Not kidding, Xander. I'm totally serious. You either win that thing or I'm going to make sure that humanity suffers for not backing you up. Am I clear?" he asked pleasantly.
"And I'm going to make sure the ones down there hear I said that. Have a good apocalypse sex night with Stephen, dear." He blew a kiss and hung up then growled and texted a few people. He turned back to the complaining neighbor sort, smiling at her. "Sorry, my twin's about to go into a huge demon battle without any humans backing him up so I'm going to destroy parts of Africa. You wanted to talk about what about my fence?"
She blinked. "Your dogs get out all the time!"
"Bullshit. I made sure my smallest dog could not get through them. We made sure there's no way unless my dogs somehow learned to climb a tree to hop over the fence, which Caspian is that smart, or if they can suddenly work a fingerprint coded lock."
"We see them all the time!" She pointed. "She's seen them a number of times. There's one now!"
He looked. "That's a grayhound type dog of some kind or another. Two of mine are hunting hound types and one's a keeshond. Which is a fluffy hunter type dog." He whistled and waved a treat from his pocket, getting that dog over to them. "Hey, sweetie, let me check your collar."
He checked for a nametag. "Halley's Comet McCallister." He looked at that neighbor, who went pale. "Isn't that the complaining wench on the end of the block?" he asked with a point. She nodded slowly. "Want help walking them back so you can tell her the dogs are getting out?"
"Please," she said, clearing her throat. "We thought they were yours."
"I'm well aware that the neighbor you quoted and others think I'm playing dress up by owning my house. And I really don't care what they think about me. They'll probably never need my skills as a lawyer who handles business problems like government regulations and none of them are part of the peaceful community." She winced at that. He smiled.
"It's the only house I found when I was looking and it's got really pretty woodwork I was happy I could save from some tacky person who'd want to paint it white because it's natural wood." He waved the other dog over, getting a bark but the dog didn't come over. "Duke," he called. "Bring me a leash please."
The dog barked, ran back inside, got his leash, and ran back out with the other two and their leashes. "Okay, we can all walk the dogs back together to make them feel safer. C'mon, baby. Treat?" He waved one. He threw it and the dog came to get it then came closer for the next one until the woman could catch it and put on the leash. "Okay, let's walk you guys home." He nodded. "This way, kids." He whistled and they followed him.
"Oh, her gate's open! No wonder they got out!" the woman complained, going to the door.
Alex cleared his throat. "That's open, isn't it?" She nodded before knocking. It swung open. She looked and gasped, moving away. Alex looked then handed her the leashes. "Take them to the side yard," he said gently with a point. "Call the neighbors to find her husband or lover or older kid, whoever can take the dogs for her."
She nodded, going to do that with them and closed the gate for now. It had an easy latch. Alex called that in. "Hi, I'm delivering my neighbor her escaping dogs and found her house with the gate open, the front door open, and her having committed suicide in the living room," he said quietly and calmly.
"Gun in her hand sort, ma'am. Myself and another neighbor are here and found her. Yes, that's my address. She's at the end of the block, at the beginning end, that Georgian tan brick one please. Thank you. Yes, we'll stay here with her dogs and mine. They're a bit skittish so mine are calming them down."
He let Caspian sniff him and get a treat. "Stay out here, Caspian. She needs an officer, not a doggy." He hung up and went to feed the other two their treats. They were happy and the two grayhounds got another one each and some petting. Another neighbor stomped over. "Ma'am, no, this is a crime scene," he ordered. "We found a crime scene." She gasped and ran off to tell the others. He petted the dogs to keep them calm.
"You're very calm."
"I've seen worse than this," he admitted quietly. "And me having a hissy fit about this won't help anything. It won't change what she did or that she or someone intentionally let the dogs roam free since whenever it happened. She was probably hoping they'd be adopted." He looked at the dogs. "I hope you guys have a good human stepparent like mine do."
"She and her husband split a few years back. I called his phone and left a voicemail."
"The officers can alert him that his ex died," he said. "That's what they're for sometimes." She nodded. "Maybe they can drop the dogs off too. Not sure if he'll take them in." She scowled at him. "Some people hate dogs and some are allergic to dogs. Plus grayhounds need to run and play a few times a day then collapse on a couch for the rest of it."
An officer came to the gateway. "The neighbor and I who found that are over here with the dogs," he called. "Mine and this woman's dogs. We were bringing them back when I noticed the door was open. She knocked and it swung open so I called."
The officer came in and looked in there, nodding. "That's a good reason to call us." He called in what they'd need then came over. "Which are hers?" Alex pointed. "They're cute."
"She's been divorced for about three years," the neighbor said, looking frantic. "I left him a voicemail about the dogs."
"That's fine. We can alert him so he can claim the body and make plans, ma'am. If we have to, we can get them to their vet's or a shelter for the night or so." He looked at the others. "Yours?"
"She came over to complain my dogs were running free when they weren't. I gave them treats to lure them closer and put leashes on them so we could bring them back. Mine are keeping them from getting anxiety."
"We've seen them for the last few days and the neighbors were *certain* they were his."
"Some of the neighbors consider me beneath their gardeners," Alex said, getting a huff from the neighbor. He stared at her. "Prove me wrong."
"You aren't exactly our social class, Mr. Harris."
"I'm worth more than most of you thanks to my trust." He grinned at her moan. "Just because I grew up the kid of drunks doesn't mean I'm worthless. I'm a damn good attorney. Very ethical too." He looked at the officer again. "They've complained at me about things I've never done a few times."
That got a nod. "I've seen that happen when the neighbors aren't nice people. I'm sure they're not happy with you being someone who works."
"Probably." An ambulance crew came in. "Guys, if they have dog food can we claim it for her dogs?" he called.
"I can clear their bowls and bring them out with some water," the officer agreed, going to do that with the crime scene people who were showing up. The dogs got some food, Alex's dogs didn't react too hard thanks to him distracting them. The other dogs needed a good few meals with the way they were inhaling their food.
The officer got to go talk to the former husband, who knew nothing about the dogs. He said he'd have to figure out if he could have them at his condo. The officer came back with that news. "Can I bring the rest of their toys and food with them to the shelter or vet?" he asked the crime scene people. "That way they're set up for a few days?"
"Yeah, they could probably enjoy that. They'll have to hold them until we find out if she had a will," the crime scene person said, calling that in.
Another neighbor came over. "Did she have a problem with her new girlfriend or whoever that woman who showed up once a month was?" she asked the officer on the gate.
"No, ma'am, it looks like it might've been a suicide," he admitted.
"Brenda, do you know who'd take the dogs?" the neighbor with Xander called, coming over to her. "The dogs running around that Belinda was complaining about were her grayhounds. The husband's not sure if he can or not."
"She had some woman who showed up each month to hang out with her I think. Or maybe she was a part-time housekeeper?"
Alex looked at her. "Do you have a picture of her car, Brenda?" She blinked at him. "They can look up the licence plate to find out who she is to alert her if she knows who takes the dogs."
"Those are hers?"
"They're McCallisters by the name tags on their collars."
"Oh, well...." She nodded, going to find out if anyone had that picture. One did and brought a copy over for the officers. Turns out she was a housekeeper and she did know where the will was. She was due in a few days so that was probably why the door was left open and the dogs let out. She came right over to find the will for them. That meant she found the suicide letter laying on top of it. It said who the dogs went to. She had been sick and terminal but hadn't told anyone.
Alex looked at the dogs then at the officer staring at them. "I can dog sit for a few hours. It'll be like a home version of doggy daycare. I can't take them for good though."
"That could help. The shelter's overcrowded." He checked, the food was nothing special. The toys could go with the dogs and the neighbor helped Alex get them back to his house for now. He went to tell the others that, getting a nod of thanks for handling that problem.
Alex looked at the neighbor as they walked back there. "I got Devil and Duke because my last house's owner had moved without telling her ex-husband so he broke in three days after I moved in and brought his dogs. He was *sure* she'd take him back. I had to have him arrested and he complained I'd send the dogs to a shelter. So I gave him three days and he never came back. They're my first dogs."
She patted him on the arm. "They're very well behaved dogs. I've never seen such nice dogs."
He nodded. "They're great dogs. They're old though." She nodded, patting him again. "They were so co-dependent that the vet suggested I get Caspian to give them a reason to go on if one died suddenly. He's certainly bonded well and does neat things like break into the fridge for them." She giggled.
"But they're all great dogs. It's great having a cuddly thing there. Better than a few of my lovers have been. They actually cuddle when my past ones didn't." He let them into the gate. "Okay, guys." He let the dogs off the leash once the gate was closed. The two grayhounds whined at the gate. "No, you're being babysat, guys. We'll be up here until someone comes to pick you up for the mommy sort."
He nodded her to come with him to the side yard. "C'mon, we'll go to the garden. Duke's still digging holes so I haven't put down sod yet." They settled around the table to let the dogs play and run around. The grayhounds were tired of running so laid down on the metal settee out there. Alex's three ran around then hopped up to cuddle those two dogs. They did it at doggy daycare too.
"Awww."
"They pile on the others at doggy daycare when they go, just a huge pile of dogs." He grinned at her. "They're mostly good dogs. Even if Caspian did knock a roast off the counter last night to feed themselves while I napped." She giggled.
"Seriously! I had it defrosting. I woke up at the sound and came out to find them trying to pull it apart. They managed it and settled in to gnaw on it. I cooked it and gave it back. They were happier than I was since that meant I needed a burger delivered." He looked at the person parking outside the gate. "Yes, do we know you?" he called.
"Delivery for Mr. Harris?"
"Side gate," he called. "I'll meet you there." He got up and went to find out what it was. He took the papers, looking at them before signing the paper saying he had gotten it. "Legal filing?"
"Yes, sir, from a law firm."
"Okay. Thanks." He went back to sit down and stare at what they were. He snorted. That was laughable and not an artifact he had. He rolled his eyes as he sat down and watched over the dogs again. The dog's daddy showed up from up the street. "It's open," Alex called when he spotted him, undoing it with his phone's app. "Are you the ex?"
"I am. Are you Harris?"
"I am." He waved him over. "She had the two grayhounds."
He stared then sighed. "They're cute. I'm allowed one dog."
"I doubt you'll be able to separate them. They're pretty dependant on each other. Dogs do form packs."
"I heard that. I know nothing about dogs."
"Two of my three over there are my first ones too. Someone broke into my house with them and I didn't want to send them to the pound." The man shook his head. "One's named Halley's Comet and the other's Perseid Shower. I guess she liked star stuff?"
"Her undergrad was in astronomy." He went to check the dogs, getting stared at by a small, fluffy dog. "I won't hurt them, dog. Can I have them? Their mommy left them to me."
"Did she leave the door open?" Alex asked. The husband nodded, looking at him. "So she expected them to find a new owner?"
"Probably or be picked up and they'd find her that way. I don't understand that."
"The officers said she was sick," the neighbor said gently. "It was in her note."
"Damn it." He sighed and petted the two dogs he was apparently inheriting. "We'll figure it out, guys. If I can't, my mother may like you guys. Or my sister. She's got a farm."
"Grayhounds run really fast for about twenty minutes and then become couch potatoes," Alex told him. "I looked them up when I was deciding what sort of dog to get as the older two's companion."
"That's interesting. I know they're race dogs." He got up, taking the leashes from Alex to put on them and the bag of toys. He smiled. "That'll make you guys happier."
"Their food was good quality but nothing special like grain free," Alex said. "Purina One."
"I can figure that out. We'll...figure stuff out," he told the dogs. They both stared up at him. "C'mon, guys. Or are you girls?"
Alex tipped his head to look. "One of each I think. Perseid has a penis."
"That's good to know." Alex looked up a name and number, writing it down to give to him. "Your vet?"
"Yes and they're very used to me asking odd first time dog questions. They're good. And not expensive like a few I've seen."
"Thanks." He took them to his car so they could go home. He had to figure out what to do with a dog. And tell his friends and family so they could figure out a funeral. She had preplanned most everything but a headstone and what music to play at it. It had been with her will.
Alex looked at the neighbor. "He should be fine to handle it."
"I hope so. I've never seen anything but society dogs."
Alex grinned. "I bring mine to work now and then too but they can't fit in a purse. They just sit underneath the table in the courtroom."
She smiled at that. "It's good a judge will allow that." She shook his hand and went back to her house to tell the neighborhood about what had happened and how nice Alex actually was.
Alex looked at his dogs. "Thank you, guys. You helped them a lot. They'll have a good night with the new daddy sort." He petted them and took them inside to nap on the couch again. They liked doing that together.
***
Xander hung up with his stressed seeming twin, looking at Stephen. "He said if I die from this one he's going to raid there, sacrifice everyone to bring me back, and if anyone stops him he'll make them his zombie army."
His boyfriend Stephen blinked a few times. "Does he know how to make zombies?"
"From what I understand it's not that hard. We've stopped a few trying it." He considered it. "He'd probably hate to get that bloody and messy, but I guess he'd have fun. With no one to stop him since I'd be dead."
Stephen just nodded. "I'd try to stop him."
"Are you wanting to be his zombie army?" Xander asked with a smile.
"No. I doubt he can do it."
"I don't. Alex will always surprise you. Like I do." He sipped his tea and went back to planning how he'd handle this upcoming problem.
"Was he drunk?"
"Sounded stressed." They shared a look then shrugged. Alex was the weird Harris. He had probably gotten it from College. It had made Buffy weird, Willow weird, and now Alex weird. It had to be something at colleges. Maybe someone would study that and end whatever tainting that was.
***
Alex looked at the demonic court's judge, shaking his head. "Your Honor, they're wasting the court's valuable time and patience. I don't have that artifact. I haven't for years. I sold it to a healer cheaply when we were having a run of having to rescue the community from the government before all the lawsuits. That healer realized that it could become addicting but they needed the power boosting to help all the victims."
The judge stared at him. "That's noble of you."
"While I'm an asshole, I'm not that sort of asshole, Your Honor." He stared at the other side. "That was well known so I don't know why they decided to try to come after me."
"You're an artifact finder, you can get it and hand it over."
"No I'm not. I found a few laying around Sunnydale but I'm not an artifact person by trade. I'm a business lawyer by trade. I'll pick up things here and there and sometimes sell them but ...." He shrugged. "Indiana Jones I am not, sir."
The judge snorted. "You'd look bad in the hat, Harris."
"Actually, I looked hot when I went as him for a Halloween a few years back," he offered with a grin. "And I can use the whip." He looked at the other side again. "So, are you done wasting everyone's time? Because I'm going to put forward a motion that you pay for the court's time and my time for trying this." The demon winced at that. He handed the paperwork to the judge. "I usually quip that lawyers are the sort of being to make you pay when you make us work because you're doing stupid things."
"I remember doing that a lot," the judge said with a smile, signing that order and handing it to the other side. "Have fun collecting from him."
"I'll put a lien on his business if I have to. Thankfully it didn't take too much of my time today and I'm not that expensive." The guy whined at that, looking at the form. "I charge lesser rates for those who need my services to help their businesses. That's not your fee scale though." He beamed and waved a hand. "Have a great day, Your Honor."
"What artifacts do you still have, Harris?"
Alex grinned. "A few in storage. I still have the two that were with me before the invasion too. They love the new house and the dogs. They love to talk to the dogs when they're bored." He strolled off to go home. He found Tony in there talking with someone. "Hey. Did you bring a date over?" he quipped, heading for the kitchen.
"It's a client," Tony said dryly. He smiled at her. "Sorry, that's Alex. He had to go argue in front of the demonic court."
She just nodded. "Why?"
"Someone tried to get something I sold to a healer a few years ago," Alex said, bringing them some bottles of water and his coffee. "He didn't like that I sold it to a healer." He walked off. "The dogs outside, Tony?"
"Yeah. Though Duke's having a tired day again."
"Yeah. He's had a few of those. And an emergency trip to the vet's for a seizure again too. It sucks that he's getting so old." He went to play with his dogs.
Tony smiled at her. "We're working out of his home office most of the time."
"I can understand that. It's cheaper than renting an office and it's a pretty office."
"It is. I love his study." They went back to her case, seeing where he could help her family with their case. Caspian came running in to hide underneath him so he pulled him into his lap to pet and calm down. "Alex?" he called.
"Caspian got scared of Duke's newest seizure," he called back with a sigh. "It's okay, Caspian. We'll deal with it." He came in to get his own dog to go calm down and let them baby Duke for a bit longer.
***
Alex came back from the vet's alone, shaking his head at Tony's look. Tony gave him a hug even though a client was in there. He sighed. "They'll send his ashes," he said quietly. "I need to go hug my dogs."
"You have court later," Tony reminded him.
"I know. Give me an hour." He went to hug Caspian and Duke, Devil had suffered a sudden, intense heart attack apparently. Duke was whining when he saw his human alone. So Xander settled in to pet both of his dogs. "It'll be okay, guys. You still have me. You still have each other," he said calmly and quietly, wanting to cry.
He hated death. He so hated death. He was so tired of death. If he found out something had caused that heart attack beyond old age or too many treats, he'd show whoever had done it that while he made them a nice restraining order and warning to death.
Tony looked at the client, who looked upset. "Duke's been sick with seizures for a bit," he said quietly. "But Devil had a heart attack from what he said when he walked him out."
"Poor guy. We know the dogs were important to him. The whole community will be sorry he lost one of them." She texted someone then got back to her divorce case.
***
Alex looked at the judge that afternoon then sighed. "Your Honor, I'm not in the best mood for this," he admitted. "And I don't mean to be mean to the other side, but I feel I'm going to snap to punish the idiots this time. This is the third time we've argued over this same rule for this same company with the same people behind it. Must we do this again?"
The judge looked at him. "Bad night?"
"I had to put down Devil earlier for his heart attack," he said quietly. The judge winced. "So I'm really not in the mood for someone who's making me redo my earlier work."
"No, I can see that. I'm sorry you lost your dog, Harris." He looked at the other side. "While he's in no mood to be polite, he's correct that we've argued about this rule before for this same business and this same complaint. It's been settled twice before this new issue has come up.
"Why do you consider this a situation where we need to reargue it? That was not explained to me yet, even though I've asked that question myself. Your filing explaining how this is different shows that it wasn't. It was brilliantly circular reasoning but still, people."
"Your Honor, our newest complaint about this rule comes from another agency's complaints to us," he said, glaring at Xander. Who glared back. He saw the fist clench and decided to shift a bit away. "We don't want Mr. Harris to be so upset in your courtroom or to even want to beat us, but we do have to act on complaints about such matters, especially from other government agencies."
"That *agency*," Alex said blandly. "Is a group of bigots that's not actually listed as an agency by the government. In any format." He stared at him. "They never have been! Even when the Red Trials happened thanks to Hoover and his idiot buddies who wanted another war to start immediately, they weren't a real agency. Though they're going by the same name."
"They're listed on the classified agency list. They proved that to my supervisor."
Alex rolled his eyes, calling that up. "That list? Find them," he offered, handing over his tablet. The lawyer moaned when he didn't find it. "They're an ancient group of bigots trying to find a foothold to take out the peaceful community or to scare them into going quiet," Alex said, taking his tablet back.
"They've been that since that fraternity was started by some of Hoover's people. We covered them in my government history class when I was taking paralegal training, Your Honor. Let him prove they have the status to even make a complaint."
"They do have to follow up on all complaints," the judge said. "But that sounds fishy. The group's name?" The lawyer handed over the complaint sheet. He looked them up himself. "I do see they're a fairly hateful fraternity of various government employees from more than one agency." He looked at the lawyer.
"My supervisor said we had to follow up and challenge that rule, Your Honor," he sighed with a shrug. "I'm like all other people, beholden to my paycheck for doing what my job demands within the bounds of ethics."
Alex stared at him. "Ethics?" he asked dryly. "This isn't even a harmful business. It's a grocery store that sells some imported fruit things and a lot of really nice cereals at great prices. They're looking for an easy target to try again. And then I'm going to have to defend the community like I'm actually my twin again. It's been building up again. They've been all over social media to start with raids again." He looked at the judge.
"Beyond that, the complaint this time has nothing to do with their business. He runs a grocery store with his family. Yes they do have some imported fruit and nuts. They don't even sell meat products that aren't canned or preserved, because they do carry bacon but it's really expensive bacon. This complaint has nothing to do with their business, Your Honor. It's a waste of time and money and my anger to have to deal with this at all."
The judge nodded. "True, I could be hearing a more important case instead of this." He looked over things then at the government's attorney. "Do you actually sell meat?" he asked the grocer.
"No. Some canned meat because some beings do like them. We do sell a few things of bacon in one corner. Most of our clients are herbivores, Your Honor. This is film from inside my store." Alex handed it over to the bailiff to run.
The judge watched it carefully. "That's a nice brand of generic bacon. My wife buys that. Nothing else outside? In a back room?"
"We do not enjoy eating meat," the grocer said. "My whole people are vegetarians. We only eat meat when we're in heat and that happens only once a decade. That's why we carry that bacon in that case in the corner next to the other needs for heats."
The judge nodded, looking at Alex, who pulled out their briefing sheet to prove that. "I see that's what's listed by the healers." He handed that back and looked at the other side. "That complaint seems to have no merit. Who went to look at the store to see if it was relevant?"
"My supervisor."
"The same one who took that complaint?" Alex asked. The other side's lawyer nodded at that. "Guess we know who's got a viewpoint bias."
The judge nodded. "It seems they may have. The only thing I saw that was possibly out of code was the vegetables didn't have a system that hosed them down with water to help them stay cool."
"Underneath that case has a cooling plate," the grocer said happily. "And we do not wax our fruit skins to make them shiny."
"That's actually a good thing," the judge said, making that note. He looked at the other side. "Can you honestly say that they have merit to bring this complaint or anything that could violate that rule based on an inspection of that store or that tape?"
"Only what my supervisor said, Sir." He handed that paperwork over.
He frowned. "Something's not right but I don't know what." He handed it to Alex.
"The address is wrong, Your Honor. That's the downstairs of one of the minor fighting clubs. I have no idea what they do during the daytime." He handed it back to the other lawyer.
The grocer shook his head. "We do not go there and I don't believe it's a store but it's a few blocks from my store. We thought about opening there but that's a street that holds many carnivore species, which would mean less profits for us."
The judge nodded. "It is?" he asked, taking it back. He compared it. "Oh, it is." He smiled at the lawyer. "There, you can tell them that. If you find that business being non-compliant you can bring it back to us." He handed ti back. "Until then, a vegetarian store doesn't violate rules about living meat products." He banged his gavel. "Mr. Harris, I hope you heal faster and your other dogs are all right."
"Duke's been having seizures for weeks," he said quietly. "So I may need to find Caspian a new friend to cling to too. If I don't lose him to grief since they're a pretty strong pack." The grocer patted him and he flinched. "Not there, please. I have stitches there." The grocer quit being mad and nodded. "Sorry. I jumped when there was a crash outside and got cut helping someone out of a wrecked truck." He rubbed his forehead. "Are we done, Your Honor?"
"Go home, hug your dogs, Harris."
"Thanks." He shook his client's hand, getting a sad smile back. "Let me know if they try it again."
"Of course. Go hug the dogs." Alex nodded, heading home to do that. "I'm hoping they were just old. Or else he will send a very bad messenger."
The other side's lawyer nodded. "They are both older dogs. I hope so too. I like Alex a lot, he's a nice guy, but he scares me sometimes when he gets angry."
The demon smiled and nodded. "Us too! Though he doesn't often get mad at us." He picked up what he had brought in. "Thank you, Your Honor." He left, going back to the store to tell the others.
The other lawyer shook his head, looking at the judge. "Does he have another one?"
"Not until next week or so. I hope he doesn't lose the other one yet. The small dog will mourn greatly and he'll have to get a puppy."
The lawyer nodded. "That's why he got Caspian. The older dogs were so tight he was worried they'd follow if one died." He gathered his things. "Let me go tell my boss Alex thinks he's a bigoted ass. Which...." He shrugged. He left the judge to his next case.
The judge shook his head. "Let's hope this doesn't turn into another hunt situation. Harris will have to go evil to fix it. Again."
***
A few months later, Alex showed up in court with Caspian in a baby snugglie on his chest. "Sorry, he has separation anxiety, Your Honor."
"He's an adorable snack," the demon next to him said.
Alex stared at him. "I'd hope my dog never does become one. I'd hate that." The demon nodded and backed away.
The judge, the same judge, looked at him. "Duke?"
"Last weekend," he admitted. "Anytime I leave the house, Caspian starts to howl, chew on his back legs, and stress to the point where he's making himself sick. Sorry to break court protocol."
"At least he's not a crying baby," he admitted. "Have him behave, not leave a mess or you clean it up, and behave reasonably."
"He should." He patted the dog on the ear, settling in. The other lawyer came in and saw the dog, pausing to pet it. "Thanks."
"Caspian's a good boy, Harris. I heard about Duke and Devil."
"He's got such bad separation anxiety. He's got valium now as needed."
"Poor guy." He got into position. "Your Honor, I'm ready."
"We're ready," Alex agreed. "And once again it's a group pushing to review a law you've already seen."
"I noticed that. Same supervisor?"
"Yes, sir, and the higher ups said I had to defend it again, Your Honor." He shrugged but grimaced. "It's ethical and my duty as a government employee."
"Have we seen it related to this business before?" the judge asked. Caspian wiggled but settled down with some petting.
"No, Your Honor, this business is a dojo that runs a fighting ring. They do follow that rule but I'm not sure if that rule even applies to them really." Alex shrugged but grimaced at his client then at the judge. "They don't have a changing area to need the hygiene rules for showers and the like. They don't have a bathroom at all as far as I know."
"We have one, it's been inhabited by one of the higher slug demons who makes bets," the client said. "We use the store's downstairs."
Alex nodded. "I go before I go in to cheer on someone." He handed over a video tape to the bailiff. "On their facility."
The judge watched it with the other lawyer, nodding along.
"Is it within city regs to not have any bathroom?" the other side's lawyer asked.
"Dojos usually would have a changing area to rule over but it's not mandatory," Alex said. "Plenty of businesses don't have bathrooms either. Even for their employees."
"Good point. If they're not changing clothes there's no reason to have one," he decided. He looked at the judge after handing over the complaint form.
The judge read it over. "They don't have that facility at all and it's noted that theirs looks filthy?" He let Alex see it with his client.
"That's the store downstairs," the client said, handing it back. "That's owned by someone else, Your Honor." He sat down again, rubbing his sore knee. "Sorry but I took a header in a fight last night."
Alex patted him on the shoulder. "Could've been a lot worse since that guy had an illegal weapon in there." He looked at the judge again. "I'm having deja vu about the problems this supervisor is causing, Your Honor. He's once again blaming another business for things they're not doing. This is the third I've heard of." He looked at the other side.
"Fourth. I have court in a few hours about another case with the same sort of complaints."
Alex looked at the judge and sighed, sitting down too to pet his dog. Caspian barked quietly. "I know but it's okay." Caspian settled down. Alex frowned, sniffing the air. "Bailiff, I smell gas."
He sniffed then coughed. "I do too. Your Honor, maybe we should adjourn to another area?" He coughed again.
Alex let Caspian out of the carrier and put him under the desk. "You stay hidden if something happens, Caspian." Someone tried to break in and the bailiff moved to handle it but was gassed. Alex took a swing then avoided the gas to the face so he could kick that one around until they called their backup people. "Caspian, move the judge please."
"I can handle myself, Harris," the judge said, pulling his sidearm.
Alex looked at his client. "I'll make sure Caspian gets to your friend Tony and no one mistakes him as a snack." He and the other lawyer got led to a back corridor by another person in a uniform. Who wasn't a friendly person when he pulled a gun on them. He handed off the dog and blocked the other lawyer's body to protect him. "You will not win. Harris will destroy you."
"We'll get him too," he sneered. "And his dog." He tried to shoot the dog so the demon beat him into a bloody mess.
"Really?" the demon asked. "That's interesting." He looked at the lawyer.
"I'm getting help," he said, calling that in to the one he was already calling. Agents and officers rushed back to help them. "He pulled a gun on us," the lawyer reported. "This nice man defended us from the ones busting into the courtroom. I have Alex Harris' dog and he was beating someone into a mess for taking out a bailiff."
"That's fine," an agent agreed, coming over. "We can get you to safety, both of you." He led them off to a nearby coffee shop. "Stay here. We'll get a statement in a few minutes."
"Thank you. If Tony DiNozzo shows up, tell him I have the dog?"
"If I can, sir." He went back to help. He did run into DiNozzo. "The lawyer we removed for his safety has a dog for you?"
"He's got a small, fluffy thing?" The agent nodded. "That's Alex Harris' dog and he's grieving so hard he had to have sedatives so Alex was carrying him around today I guess." He went to find Alex, finding him injured. Not too badly injured but definitely injured. "Hey." Alex blinked at him, growling a bit. "I thought that was your twin."
"No," he sighed, rubbing his face then looking at his hands. "Eww." He got a paper towel from the bailiff's desk to clean his hands and face off then tossed it out. "Who has Caspian?"
"The agent said a lawyer."
"So probably Patricks," he decided. "All right." An officer stomped over to him. "The first we knew, I smelled gas. The bailiff smelled it when I reported it and moved to stop the ones breaking in but got gassed directly to the face. So I beat a motherfucker for it." The officer stepped back, looking scared. Alex grinned a bit. "What did they want? I didn't ask. It'd take too much attention when he got backup."
"Sir, we have bailiffs and court officers," one said.
"And I protected the one in here who was gassed," Alex said. "We have cameras in here and the judge can tell you that himself if you ask him."
"We'll be doing that. Are you all right? Need medical?"
"I want my dog to make sure he's safe but I'm guessing he's fine for the moment," he said blandly. "I've had worse defending this city, Officer." The officer blinked. He smiled back. "I'm Alex Harris."
"Oh. Him. Okay. You know we hate you?"
"Is that because I had to injure a dirty officer who tried to kill me? Or some other reason?"
"No, I think it's the defending demons thing."
Alex nodded. "Yeah, hatred's on the rise in the city. It sucks a lot that peaceful people can't be peaceful." The officer winced at that. Alex looked at Tony. "Go get Caspian? He's got huge anxiety. His carrier's on the table with my briefcase."
"Yeah, I can do that. He likes to cuddle and watch movies with me when I steal him." He went to find them and the dog. Who was licking up a bit of coffee flavored milk. Tony shook his head but the dog whined at him. "Your human's fine. Just has a split lip and sore hands." He picked him up, putting on the baby carrier to put him into it. "Thanks, Patricks."
"Welcome, DiNozzo. Is Alex in trouble?"
"With the way the officer got into his face about defending the courtroom, not sure. But Caspian loves to watch movies with me." That got a small smile. He saw something pulling up outside. "That's an MRAP. What's it doing here? This isn't a riot or military maneuver." He watched who got out and called that in to the agent inside he knew and Gibbs on the same call.
"There's an MRAP spilling guys in camos and no rank markings on their arms outside the east courthouse entrance," he said. "No, I don't see a single military rank, Gibbs. But the MRAP does have a military tag." He shifted. "DC Metro's ones have a parade tag, not the base tag this one's wearing, Gibbs.
"Yeah, that base. Please do since we just had the courthouse invaded by idiot bigots." He hung up and looked at them. "You guys protect yourselves if they come this way. I don't have any weapons on me but my sidearm and my knife." He petted the dog to keep him calm. Alex was led out by an agent and handed to an officer, who checked him over then pointed at the coffee shop so he went that way.
Alex walked in and sighed. "The military yahoos wanted their cultists back and they're not happy. One tried to sneer that I can use a sword but I pointed out I can use all sorts of weapons, including theirs." He took his dog to pet, calming him down. "You know the Tony. Daddy's fine and you know the Tony. So calm down. Don't get sick on me, Caspian. Daddy couldn't stand that." He settled into a chair to pet him and calm down. An agent stomped over. "Do we know him?" he asked.
"Yeah, I do," Patricks said. "He's my supervisor's son. Brandon," he said with a nod when he came in. "What's going on?"
"Courthouse is closed."
"Any idea where we're going for later hearings today? I've got one at two."
"Not sure." He looked at Alex. "You beat three guys, Mr. Harris?"
Alex stared at him. "Not the first time?" He shrugged, going back to fussing at his dog. "Did Patricks feed you milk? That was nice of him. I know you like it sometimes."
"It was that or something that may've had chocolate, Alex."
"It's fine. He does like coffee sometimes and milk sometimes." He looked at the agent again. "Yeah, I defended the courtroom and the judge when they gassed the bailiff. It's the guy I am."
"The officer that led us off to safety tried to get me," Patricks said. "And your client." That one nodded. "He defended me."
"Thanks," Alex told him. "Patricks is pretty fair and a lot of his section are bigger assholes."
"I figured it's better to save the ones who make rules before they make rules to avoid such things," he said. He smiled at the agent. "We have seen Alex fighting before. He does well enough for it not being his career."
"Okay." He looked at him. "Why?"
"I'm one of the defenders of DC?" he asked dryly. "I've defended the peaceful community a bunch of times."
"Oh. All right. Stay in here for a bit. Is your dog all right?"
"He lost his packmates and has huge anxiety issues. Tony's his step-human though."
"Decent enough." He went to report that. He heard his father start yelling and looked. "Dad, your guy's in the coffee shop," he called with a point. "He's safe. He got defended by the guy he was arguing against." He looked at the other agents. Gibbs stomped over. "Gibbs, the military guys are here to gather their stupid people. They're still inside."
"Why aren't they wearing proper uniforms then?" he asked dryly, going to check on that. That was still fishy. DiNozzo had good instincts. "Boys," he snapped. A few jumped. "What is going on?" He pulled his ID. "NCIS."
"We're Army, sir," one reported.
"Then why are you driving an MRAP from a Marine base?" Someone walked up behind him. "CID?" he asked.
"I am, Gibbs." He held up his ID. "Why are Army people here driving a Marine base vehicle?" he asked them.
"We just took the first one we found," one of them said, shaking his head. "Really, sirs."
"That's not a shared base," Gibbs noted. "Not even their parking lots. They're near each other...." One of them pulled a gun on him and he knocked them down and out. The CID guy got a few more. Gibbs still got injured. So did the CID guy. Officers ran to get more help for the new gunshots.
Tony looked and sighed. "I'm not an agent," he said.
"Go," Alex ordered. "If you have to go, go." He looked at Caspian. "Can you sit with Patricks for me? Please?" The dog whined at him. "Okay. Let me know if you need me, Tony."
"Got it. They'll accept it from me as a former agent where they won't you." He ran over to help. "Can I help?" A few nodded. "Where's Gibbs?"
"Back hallway, by the juvenile courts," one reported. "With the military people."
"Right where we're heading," another added.
"Great." They headed that way, Tony in the middle of the group. He got to Gibbs to check on him then the other guy. Gibbs got pulled into the courtroom then the other guy. They were safer in there and injured but not badly. He called that in.
"McGee, me. Gibbs is injured, side shot, not badly off. So is the guy carrying CID creds. His says Thompson. They're in Courtroom 8 for safety reasons. Gibbs was knocked out but not really bleeding. Alert the bus people." He hung up and followed the others shaking his head. "I thought I gave up being shot at," he muttered.
One of the officers snickered at that. "I used to be Gibbs' senior agent. Seven years of being shot at and getting concussions." He shot at someone shooting at them, making them fall. He got a few more in non-fatal ways. The rest were gotten from the other side. "That's nice." The officers went to stop whoever that was in case they were making sure their friends weren't being captured. Tony went back to check on the two injured people.
A paramedic jogged up the hall. "DiNozzo?" he called. Tony opened the door for him. "Just these two?"
"In here. I have no idea about others. These two were facing down the military people here and got shot somehow. Gibbs has a side wound and it's not too bad. Thompson I'm not sure where he's shot but he's clearly got some blood on him."
"Okay. Thanks. Let me work." He knelt to check them and make sure they were safe to move. "Did you move them?"
"Out of the hallway. It wasn't safe out there. No broken bones to worry about."
"Good point."
"Maybe I should've went to medical school instead of law school," he quipped. He went to check the door, finding a new guy out there. But this one he knew. "General," he snapped. The guy flinched then stared at him. "Your guys were taken out by the back corridor." He pointed. "They somehow shot Gibbs and a CID guy named Thompson."
"I'm going to beat their asses for that, DiNozzo. Why're you here?"
"I went to law school." He smirked. "I gave up being shot at."
"Good luck with that today."
"Too late today."
"More paramedics are coming in," he told that one. "Let me go stomp some people."
"Why were guys who said they were Army driving a Marine tagged vehicle?" Tony asked. "Gibbs muttered they were Army."
The general stared at him. "I have no clue," he admitted. "But I can figure that out for him." He went to do that. "General on deck!" he shouted, making some of the people jump and the military guys able to flinch do so. "What the fuck are you doing!" he demanded. "I know two of you were Army and got discharged. I sat on your boards."
The officers stared so he smirked. "I'm the top JAG for the city, boys. That means I'm a judge and a general. They will answer to me somehow." He stared at them. "Well? I'm waiting." That got some silence so he'd get to ask them again later. Harmon Rabb was not one to mess with plebes playing dress up. Especially not ones who broke into a courthouse to kill people.
***
Alex looked at the nice detective that showed up that night, letting him into his house. "What's wrong now?"
"They were going to try to take you out, Mr. Harris. They were acting against the ones supporting demon owned businesses."
"We've noticed that there's an upswing of violence against the community. I've noted it to some of them myself when I saw it online. It doesn't shock me any. Why did they go after others?"
"They were going to make sure the other judges couldn't do the same thing."
Alex nodded. "That's a really stupid plan."
"Yes it was." He smiled a bit with a nod. "Have you received any threats?"
"I get threats all the time. I tend to put them into a photo album and laugh at them when I need a good chuckle." He went to get it from the office, bringing it back for him. "That's this year's album."
"Do you tell agents?"
"They don't care. I've done that and they complained each time I brought in a new one. Thankfully I'm very self protective."
"You let me inside."
"I have intent based wards. If you had been here to hurt me you couldn't have walked in."
"Oh, good to know." He read through them, nodding at one. "One of them did send one. May I?"
"Sure. In the back is the accounting of who sent earlier ones so I can check names without having to go look through them all."
"That's handy too." He glanced at that, nodding a bit. "There's another familiar name from today. Is your dog all right?"
"He's a bit paranoid. We lost my other two dogs in the last month. He got worried I smelled like blood but otherwise he's fine. Thank you for asking. The other lawyer I was arguing with protected him very well for me."
"That's good." He nodded, closing the album. "Let me take this to photocopy for evidence, sir."
"That's fine." He nodded a bit. "Have fun with them. I like to have fun with that sort. Not that they like it but I like to make fun of them greatly."
"We've been doing that all day. Thank you, Mr. Harris. The bailiff will survive but he's presently got a bit of pneumonia from the gas."
"Been there, done that, it sucks. I'll send him some candy. It helped me." The detective smiled and left. Alex looked at his dog. "We'll go watch some more tv." Caspian barked and followed him back to the bedroom to do that. When someone tried to break in, Alex heard and had a gun in hand well before they made it back to the bedroom and had hit the alarm's button to summon help.
Caspian was under the bed for him. He stared at him, pointing the gun at them. "So, what was your idea?" The being blinked then shook his head. "Yeah, me. What's the thought here? You broke into my house after I had to help defend a courthouse? Is that a wise decision?"
"I... You are not what I was expecting."
"Why? Because I've got a gun?"
"I can not be killed by that."
Alex grinned at him. "It's silver coated. I always pack silver coated hollow points with blessings applied to them." The demon flinched, staring at him. "You broke into my house?" An officer tapped the demon on the arm, making him turn to deal with him but he got knocked down and arrested. "Thanks, guys." Caspian barked. "The dog said thank you too. How much damage did he do?"
"One window's broken, sir." He looked at him. "Silver coated hollow points you had blessed?"
"Yeah. I've had to handle some peaceful beings who decided to not be peaceful."
"Oh. Oh, you're him. Okay. We'll take him out, Mr. Harris. Thank you for stopping him." They left with the demon. Alex could fix his window somehow for the night.
Alex looked down, getting Caspian back up to cuddle so they could go fix that. It was weird his wards didn't work so he'd check them. The guy had a ward breaking rune stone so that was a nice thing to have in his arsenal too. He'd make it into a keychain for himself or Tony.
***
Law and Orderly Chaos.