Death of a 'Hero' by Voracity2

Death of a 'Hero'

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Xander looked up from his seat in the corner of the bar, nodding at the young guy standing there. "Hey." He sipped his beer. "If you're flirting, go ahead, I'm open to it."

"Not here for that, Mr. Harris." He sat down. "Someone sent me to ask a few questions about that vision."

"Sure. Go ahead." He nodded slightly as he took another drink.

"Is it certain?"

"I think we've sidestepped it. That sorcerer apparently has a thing against makeup due to a prophecy. Seeing it there set off his anger and paranoia that they were going to take him out as he nicely let some of his people flee his ways."

"So the sorcerer is letting them flee?"

"Yes and no. He doesn't like that they're fleeing, he thinks he's better than he is to them. He's a dictator who's only torturing them mildly so doesn't see that as so bad. He's aware they want to flee and why and when so he'll let them go and remind them as they're fleeing they don't have to go. The vision had him telling them that from the portal behind them. Then he spotted the makeup."

"Ah." He nodded. "That makes more sense I guess."

"The prophecy said someone with a lot of make up would take him out at the height of his power. He's still gathering it."

"Oh. Okay, so he's a bit cranked."

"Yeah, but most dictators are." He shrugged. "Most of them hate me like hell anyway. I usually blow a kiss and smile then walk off flirting with one of their guards. Pisses them all off."

"Yeah, I can see that." He stared at him. "Do you usually think out loud?"

"No but when I'm in the US I do so the agents don't have to stalk me as hard. I'm saving them the work and me aggravation by telling them what I'm doing so they can leave me alone."

"I didn't even think about that." He considered that idea. "That actually makes sense." Xander grinned. "Do you do that anywhere else?"

"No. England's are more subtle and used to the Council so they're more video surveillance than in personal following around. Or I've picked up one of my fun times and they're letting that one handle anything too big. They know I'd tell them about huge issues I'm there to handle. The US is more paranoid about that."

"True. I hadn't thought about that."

"Or if you have some minions who can do the work, we're hiring watchers for the younger girls. It's a lot of learning different species but it's also protecting her and other girls doing the hard work they wanted to do in a caped way." He finished his beer with a grin.

"I'll let a few know. Them and the villain minions would do good at that sort of work, wouldn't they?"

"Yeah." He smirked a bit. "Plus a lot of the girls like them a bit dangerous and deadly. Buffy's part of the slayer spirit taught them that. We'd expect anyone who was seriously with one of the girls to become their watcher so that's helpful to them too. The only unmarried one that has a personal watcher is Buffy and that's because she kept Giles when the Council fired him originally."

"Huh. Yeah, that's a good idea and I'll let the others I know who could do the work know."

Xander grinned. "A lot of it isn't battles. It's patrols with staking sometimes but a lot of it is downtime waiting on things to happen. Minions on each side would be used to a set schedule for patrols. And battles if they happened again."

"Very good point. Yeah, I'll let some I know think about it." He smiled. "You didn't talk to any of the heros in town?"

"The healers said they knew someone related so they'd tell him. Also, you guys don't have a club to hang out at like the underbelly of the city does. I'm used to those areas. I play kitten poker in a few of them in my usual turf in Africa." He grinned. "They're still mad I'm here instead of there. One wanted to win back his favorite gun again."

The young guy just shook his head quickly. "That's weird."

"Weird is that I won against a love goddess and she's furious that I'm owed a boon now." He grinned. "She thinks I'm going to use it to set up a slayer against her will to protect her. I won't. I'll probably use it to get someone who really wants it married against their family's will. That's a developing situation though."

The young guy just nodded. "You live a really wild and weird life."

"Yeah but not everyone can do that. Though many more could if they wanted to."

"So you went from military to swords?"

"No, I jumped in during tenth grade. I went from high school to swords." He smirked a bit. "The only military experience I have is from a possession and helping take down a really bad idea in progress."

"Oh." He blinked a few times. "I didn't ...high school?"

"We don't allow that now but back then we had one slayer and she was called at sixteen. I wasn't about to let one little girl save humanity by herself. Especially since she's kinda an airhead."

"Okay."

"So I stayed." He shrugged but smirked again. "We all have our reasons to jump into this life. Be it good or bad or middle of the road. I had my reason in tenth grade. You're obviously about college aged, nearly."

"Hey!" he complained but was grinning.

"I deal with a lot of teenagers. You're clearly about seventeen, dude."

"True. Just about eighteen." He stared at him. "Are the girls nice?"

"Depends on the girl. Depends on the day too. Like everyone they have bad days. Some of them are really nice. A few of those are too nice and we've discouraged them from going on patrol. It'd eat them. They're still called slayers but we don't think they'd last as even battle team members without it eating them."

That got a nod and less of a smile. "The girls are allowed to choose who they want to be. If that's a slayer then it is. If that's a part-timer that's fine too. If not, that's just as fine. We're still there if they need us and they're all trained in self defense in case they need to handle something at home."

"That makes good sense. Not everyone should be on that field."

Xander nodded. "Very true. And when they want to retire we agree that's for the best. We give them every opportunity to be healthy, happyish young women. We just need more watchers to help with that. Right now we have under a hundred and only seven of us do things."

"I'm going to talk to a few who may like that job." He shook his hand. "Let me talk to others. Is it soon?"

"Not sure. That depends on when they can finish paying for the portal to be made and who has enough energy. I'm guessing we're looking at week three or four instead of the earliest possible dates."

"That's tactical. Thank you, Mr. Harris."

"Welcome, kid." The guy snorted but walked off looking happier. Xander got another beer and went onto the floor. The kid knew what burnout was and how the job ate you. He didn't have to warn the kid against that.

The young guy went back to the heros meeting in the manor house's dining room. He nodded at them, letting them have the listening device so they could hear the tape.

Superman grimaced. "He really is bordering on anti-hero."

"He is," Batman agreed with a nod. "He's strong though. He deals with teenagers all day long."

"True." The teens in the room glared at them. "So we may have sidestepped that problem with the clowns." That got a nod. "Going to the Joker was ballsy."

"He was overheard saying that the Joker wasn't as bad as Rosenburg and Summers after a week of finals with too much caffeine," Batman said dryly. "I'd hate to tell him that because he might try to find out. Did you not ask where?"

"The original notes had it in two possible points due to the energy available there." He pointed at them in the notes.

"That's not a bad place. Both pretty open. There's a third but it's inside a museum so not as practical of a place to put a portal and fleeing moment."

"I agree with him about dictators having that blind spot about how bad they are," Superman said, handing the notes on. "We're going to hover nearby just in case?" Batman nodded at that. "Could we close the portal before that army shows up?"

"No one's sure how to close a portal like that. Even Dr. Fate. He said it'd probably backlash on that side and kill the person helping people flee. Someone like Rosenburg might but he's not sure what that type of magic can do."

"Great." He nodded at that. "Do we have someone who can? Zantana?"

"She's confused by Rosenburg. Constantine too when I called to ask him about that. He said he'd ask around about ending the portal without doing more harm to the ones helping people escape."

"Has Harris been checking the sites?"

"He walks past them each a few times a day right now. He goes one direction for one meal, the other for another. Closer to time he'll probably hang out there instead of his usual stroll around the park talking to his girls who're all complaining. Or the one with the colicky baby."

"I've heard about that from others who have kids," Superman said. "Sounds tiring." Batman nodded he had too. "How can we best help?"

"Be on hand for the event just in case."

"Harris did have a point that we all know hero wannabes who would never make it in the life, and some of the lighter side of villains," the young guy said. "That they may make good watcher candidates."

"They could," Batman said with a nod. "He's very right about that. I know a few I'm going to suggest it to." He looked at one of his trainees, who glared back. "Not suggesting you but your buddy?"

"He'd make a kick ass watcher. So do assassins. The last six they've hired have all come from assassin families. So they're good with blade work or other fighting skills and can memorize really well."

"I hadn't thought about that but I'll see if Talia might know of one," Batman admitted, nodding a bit at that idea. "They do keep the girls being young women instead of warriors. It's good to see."

"The old Council wasn't that great," Superman said. "The new one I like a lot more. Still freaks me out though."

The glaring one smirked at them. "Harris gave the local demon council information on some of the ones he's met in Africa. Including a few gods." He handed down the USB key drive. "I asked and they copied it for me."

Batman stood up to run it so they could see it. He sat down, adjusting his chair. "That's an arms dealer."

"That's his poker circuit apparently." He pointed. "That one in the veil showed up here to give him a cookie."

Superman blinked a few times at how they were talking to them. "They're literal Gods?"

"Yes. Like literal Gods." He looked at Batman. "We should show Wonder Woman."

"We should." Superman nodded, going to call and pick her up to fly her over. She wasn't that far away. The bigger hitters were local to help with that portal situation if they had to.

She settled in to watch over that with them. The rest had gotten a snack while they waited. She accepted her cup of tea with a smile for Alfred. "Thank you."

"Alfred, do you know anything about them?" Batman asked.

"Like your colleague said, I much prefer the modern version than the last one. The current one is very helpful to the girls. They treat them sensibly. They let them do teenage girl things. Some were bragging about their prom gowns online." That got a smile and a nod from Batman. "A few have even been noted to get down and funky in the clubs when they're not hunting.

"They, like you all, have an identity that means they sometimes have nighttime problems." He left, going back to check on the housemother there. He had shared a few recipes with the young boy. He wasn't a butler by any means but turning into a good housemother definitely. Even though he did have the urge to sometimes ruin the girls to bring down egos. That could be done more subtly. He had done it to Bruce many times.

Batman looked at Wonder Woman. "I'd have to ask one of mine if they know of those ones but they seem to be at least reasonably decent beings to the locals."

"What would a love goddess do?" Superman asked.

"The flipside of love is war," Wonder Woman reminded him. "And I'm sure they've had to fight before. Also, there's many ways to befuddle people's minds with lust if you can encourage or enforce it."

"I didn't think about that." He considered it then shook his head quickly. "They could probably defend themselves at least."

"Hopefully or have guards that could," Batman agreed. "I'm more worried about magic counteracting something in town. Or drawing it here."

"I'm fairly certain the Council will have a witch show up once they hear it's going on," Wonder Woman said. That got a mass nod. They'd all do that. "I'm hoping it's one who can stop things if necessary."

"Would your warriors make good watcher candidates?" Superman asked.

"No. We're warriors. While I appreciate the viewpoint of their duty not being their full life, ours are trained to be warriors until we fall too hard or retire. They keep a much more normal life than ours do. We'd end up pushing them toward our way, which could upset their ways. I believe they make a good point for warriors not only being warriors, but it is not our way."

"Could someone like Shazam help them?" Batman asked.

She raised an eyebrow. "He may get along very well with the mass of girls. I don't think he could handle being a watcher but backing them up he may be able to do. Though I'm not sure if he'd be as helpful at lesser battles. Things like the invasion in LA he would've been helpful at."

"Some of those are videos of some of his battles," the younger guy said.

They ran one of those and she winced. "That is heinous." They kept going and Xander actually said a loud prayer for help and got a love goddess there who messed up the invading ones very badly.

"So that's what a love goddess can do in a battle," Superman muttered, shifting in his seat.

On the video the goddess was nagging him so he pointed and said they were her priestesses who were under coercion and helping them. That she should be the one to grab them, which was what he had prayed for her to do. She looked and sighed, going to free them and giving them all hugs as they got free of the spells on them.

She took them back with her, patting Harris on the head as they walked past him. One of the priestesses grinned and kissed him on the cheek. Once they were gone, the regional military that was helping defend the area looked at Harris, who shrugged. Harris noted they could easily go back home instead of dying here. A few did take that hint and their breeding frenzy home. The rest...the military handled.

Wonder Woman just blinked a few times. "That was an unusual battle but what I'd expect from demons trying to invade."

"It was nice she didn't punish her people for being under coercion," Batman said.

Superman just nodded. "Remind me to not piss off a love goddess?" They smiled and nodded. "Which one was that?"

"Amri."

"Oh, okay. Is she also local?"

"No clue," Wonder Woman admitted but was smiling. "I know I've seen a shrine to a battle goddess recently. I wasn't sure if they were talking about the slayers or some other one."

Batman looked at her. "Here?"

"Home."

"Ah." He nodded once. "We can see. If so, we'll make sure it's not a target." He ran the next poker film. Wonder Woman spluttered at the sight of Ares playing, and losing, to an arms dealer but he only lost a dagger. Then Harris came in and won the dagger, which Ares growled about. Xander asked if he wanted ear pets. Ares huffed but they went back to it.

When Ares cheated to win it back Xander let him but was smirking a bit and pointed out being caught cheating was a good way to owe a favor. Then he won the next one by subtly cheating and grinning at the one who called him on it. He handed over a slip of paper. "Here, a minion. Have him. Please."

The guy looked and moaned, thanked Harris, and went to find his new minion to train him better. His place was taken by a goddess wearing a leather catsuit who had cat ears. Xander handed her his beer, getting a nod. No one said her name, even Ares, but he looked mildly amused at her. Batman took a picture of her for someone's amusement once he looked her up.

When a bar brawl among the normal demons broke out that woman stood up and growled loudly. They stopped and took it outside. So clearly she was a feared being. Ares just smiled a bit at that move. She got back to the game, winning against Xander, who pouted but said he'd gladly come clean her garden for her again if she wanted him to fight the spiny plants again.

She agreed he could do that instead of the battle the next day. She'd handle it. She needed to work out. That battle was cut into the end. She handled it mostly on her own. She got horribly injured but was happy with that when she was walked off the field. She also blew a kiss back at the evil one who fell down and begged for mercy. Which she said she didn't have.

Ares walked out to behead him for her then nagged her about being out of practice. She flapped a hand and went to get healed she said. Clearly she was not displeased. Then Ares got to nag Xander about not handling it for her. Xander told him she had it, she had wanted to handle it and had argued with him about handling her ex-boyfriend's attempt at taking out this planet, and the girls were all getting film of it so they could stare in awe at her skills.

Then he walked off shaking his head and pointing out there was an ascension tomorrow and he could use the help but Ares fled from that one. That was cut in at the end, showing Ares scowling at the giant demon worm who wouldn't die by his sword or weapons. Or anything else he had on hand. Then one of the African heros showed up and Ares sent him away before he could try because he was worthless for this battle.

Xander showed up in his truck with artillery, getting the thing that Ares had managed to trap at least. The head came off, it died. Ares huffed and said he needed to win more artillery then left after Xander thanked him for filling in. That's when they noticed the kid in the truck watching what was going on. He let her come over to stare at the thing and ask questions. Then she ran back to the truck and called her mom to tell her about it and how she had won the go fish game to be able to watch it.

Superman nodded once. "He doesn't win at go fish."

"He is taking artillery out of the sales circuit," Batman noted.

Wonder Woman nodded. "I'd rather he have it for the girls' use than others like Ares have it." She got up to get more tea, making Alfred smile at her and pour her some. "Thank you, Alfred." She went back out there.

Batman looked at the others. "They're very unique beings with a hard job."

"I can see why they take the time for fun," one of the younger teens said.

The other kids nodded. "We should do that too." They left to go hang out in town and see what was going on among the normal people. The senior heros snorted in amusement but that was fine with them. They had plans to make in case that vision wasn't averted. Or happened later.

***

Xander was at that same club when he noticed a familiar figure. He walked over there to dance behind her. "You should not be in this town, it's too dangerous," he said in her ear, making her shrug him off her back. He grinned at her. "Should've worn the leather, Faith."

"B demanded me to be a wingman in case some of them are her type."

"I've talked a few into becoming watcher trainees." He pulled her closer to dance with her. "This bar's pretty mild. Bit dark but mostly borderline people."

"Good." She nodded. "I didn't want somewhere dirty tonight."

"There's a lot of that locally."

"B wants a new boytoy to ruin. One she can't stake."

"I'll see if I can introduce her to a few who can find her one." He winked and turned to punch someone over that agent's shoulder, making her flinch. "Here. Come dance with us," he said, pulling her closer. Faith snickered at that. "Agent Belinda, this is Faith."

"Lehane," she said with a nod. "Here in case?"

"B wanted to adopt a bad boy."

"I can show her to the right bars for that," the agent quipped. "Thanks, Harris. That's my husband though."

He looked down at her. "You married a creep?"

"He changed."

"Change him back. Electroshock therapy may work." She giggled at that, going to talk to her husband about that. He shrugged at Faith's look. "She's nice enough."

"She seems like your sort, X." She grinned, letting herself be taken from Xander by someone who was a bit sweaty but trying for handsome. She was aware enough that no one got to try her beyond a few pinches to the ass. One shifted her stake holder but spotted it and left it and her there.

Xander went to get a drink and find his own fun tonight. Faith would be fine and she was a big girl.

***

Buffy was at another club teasing a guy who a few years younger than she was. She was in the mood tonight. It was like the air here made her want to be a naughty slayer. Junior thug was hot on the floor and she could move with the best of them. She turned down the drink but got some water and went back to it. He didn't care when he found her thigh holster for her protection dagger so that was great news for her dating life.

The guy grabbed his phone when it vibrated, looking at the text message. Huh. He looked at the picture then at her. He sent back that wasn't her. He knew who this was from those tapes. He put his phone back in his pocket then pulled her closer. "My work boss thinking you're a bad girl, Summers."

She grinned. "I thought I was more stealthy than that."

"I'm a bit connected to some info people."

She pinched him on the cheek. "I don't usually go for younger but you're adorable. And I'm only here just in case and to pick up a new toy to play with." She looked him over.

"I'm not that mean, ma'am," he quipped. "I know a few though."

"Introduce me?" She grinned sweetly. "It'd be great."

"I can do that." The club's doors blew in. "Fuck!"

She looked. "Here?" she quipped. "Is this really the time for that?"

One of the idiots stomped over. "Do you want to die?" he demanded, pointing a gun at her.

She shrugged. "I'll get to hug my mother again. Besides, it'll be like the fourth time. They're probably tired of me showing up that way." He backed up in shock and she kicked him with a leg sweep, taking him down. "You know, everyone underestimates the pretty ones." She smirked at him. "I'm the nice one but *really*."

He got away from her looking horrified. His thug friends stared so she wiggled her fingers with a grin. "Hey, people!" They ran from her. "Wow, what wooses!" She looked at the young guy. "I deserve a burger for that. I missed lunch." She walked off. "Show me the good burger places?"

"Yeah, I can do that," he said, following her. His phone had alerted the team, they could hear everything. He asked her about that so she told him about how she had died the last time, during an apocalypse but someone had zapped her back to life without magic. He noticed a few of the peaceful demons staring. "She's not here for you," he called.

Buffy looked then grinned and waved. "I'm here to date, not to work," she called. "Unless Xander needs us to."

The demons nodded and spread that around. Some nicer yet still dangerous guys got introduced to the head slayer. Mostly on the lighter side so Harris didn't have to warn anyone off.

The young guy, Robin, he was taking mental notes for a report later. She was pretty well acting like a society airhead chick. She saved humanity? Really? Bruce was going to be groaning for months about her.

***

Buffy walked around the society event a few nights later looking as fantastic as she usually did, smiling at the people smiling at her. She stopped by the matriarch of the local community, the one the party was thrown for since she had finally had a cub after years of trying. She smiled at the kid. "You're more adorable than Samia's little screaming heathen," she cooed. "And you're not yelling like that one does. You're so sweet."

She smiled at the mother. "It's adorable! And so much nicer and happier than Samia's kids." The matriarch smiled at that, nodding slightly. "I hope it's a healthy little one who does great things for people. If you need me while I'm here let me know. Or let Xander know." She strolled off again to get a new glass of ice water.

The matriarch looked at her breeding partner. "Isn't that Summers?" she hissed. He nodded. "That's sweet of her." She smiled at the child. "You are less loud than Slayer Samia's daughter." Someone kicked in a door, making her wince and pick up the baby to guard.

"Make me put down the food," Buffy called. "And call Xander!"

"No need ta call," Faith called from her corner. She strolled over, looking at the people there. "Howdy."

"Who're you?" they demanded.

"Slayer Faith. Second highest slayer in the Council." She smirked. "This is of course our head slayer, Buffy." She waved a hand at her.

Xander walked up behind them and tapped them on the shoulder. "Should I have to introduce myself too?" They flinched and stared at him. "Go. The. Fuck. Away. Before I pull out weapons and make a mess." He grinned sweetly. "It's been *days* since I had to make a mess." They fled from him.

"Bye! Have a good jog! Watch out for foggy spots that might be hiding potholes!" He waved at their backs. "Wow, what absolute morons!" He walked over to the hostess, smiling and bowing to her. "Matriarch, I bring glad tidings from a few in my poker circuit on your wiggly one there."

He handed over the scroll, watching as it made her hand glow then the baby glow and coo. He grinned. "Goddess Amitra sends her blessings on your child to be happy, healthy, and not one of hers." He handed over another. "And Amri said the child will be a happy, healthy baby if she could make it so."

The mother sniffled. "That's a nice blessing, Watcher Harris. Thank you."

"You're welcome. Wiggly ones are important. Especially wanted ones." He patted the baby on the foot. "You're a good wiggly one." He walked off to go flirt with some of the ones in the room.

She sat down to read those letters of greeting for the baby. She let her breeding mate see them and sniffle too. It was a great gift to her that they adored her having her child.

Buffy looked at Xander. "You own a suit?"

"I rented one earlier," he quipped with a smirk. "Didn't that dress have a back to it, Buffy?"

"No." She smiled. "Sometimes they don't." He went to flirt some more while she went to chat with others in the room. Now that their covers were blown.

Xander looked at a worried looking guard. "Buffy came to flirt, not help handle the refugee thing that got me sent. She's really looking for someone unstakeable but as good as Spike."

"That's a big list but we have a few around here who may appeal to her."

"Please, introduce her," Faith quipped as she walked past them. "She dragged me as a wingman."

Xander grinned at that. "That figures."

The guard nodded. "If I can I'll introduce some to her. We'd all like her to be happy and Rosenburg with her."

Xander nodded. "She's probably not going to date," he said quietly. "She's off dating since Kennedy died." That got a nod of understanding. "Though, she could use it. Before she adopts more pets."

"Giles said she can't," Buffy quipped as she joined them. "She's got two cats, that's enough." Xander looked at her. "She lost the other two. They escaped the house and we couldn't find them. Or someone used them as poker payments, not real sure." She grimaced. "She said sometimes she's a bit...off."

"Yeah, sometimes she was. She's just like that." He patted her on the arm. "Are you cold to suffer for being beautiful?"

"Yup, I am." She let him give her his jacket for now. "Thanks, Xander."

"Welcome." He looked at the guard again. "I know she's seen a few of the heroic sorts."

"He was cute but younger than me," she sighed. "I almost felt like a cougar." Someone came to the door so she nudged him. "Know him?"

He looked then nodded. "That's Helga's head guard." He strolled over. "Honorable one," he said with a nod.

"I bring greetings to the egg." Xander led him over so he could present it. "My princess Haiga sends her greetings on the child," he said with a smile, handing over the letter.

She looked at it. "Tell her it's most gracious and thank her for me."

"I shall." He looked at the baby. "It looks comfortable and soothing. May it always have those traits, ma'am." He bowed again and left.

Xander grinned. "That baby's going to be one spoiled one."

She smiled. "I'll make sure they grow up worthy of that, Watcher Harris."

"You're said to be a great mom and matriarch so of course you will. You couldn't do anything else but that. But if they get colic, ask. I seem to know a lot about it thanks to Samia's spawn of wailing." She giggled but nodded so he left her to rest some more.

Buffy looked at him. "I almost expected her to have someone magic the baby to you."

"Half the minis are with her right now and Grandma stepped in to give her a few hours of napping time. They're all learning how to handle a baby for later kids in the families. Plus letting grandma teach them stuff like how to make dinner. She said Samia learned well enough."

Buffy looked at him. "I'm still shocked you're not wearing a mini somehow."

"Don't tempt them! They might miss me and get lost. Then I'd have to help rebuild the city after I rip it apart to find her tiny ass."

"Point. That would be a mess and she might be bruised."

"With some of the badder side in this town?" he asked. "Maybe more." He shrugged at her look. "That's why I said not to sit a slayer here or to send your pretty butt. It's not safe."

Faith nodded as she came back. "It's not."

Buffy sighed. "But it has people like us. Even normal people who do big stuff. Right?" she asked Xander.

"Yeah, it does. And most of them need therapy, just like we do." He grinned.

She snorted. "Too late. I'm too old for that." She walked off to get a new drink.

Xander shook his head, looking at Faith. "Don't give me that look," Faith ordered but smiled. "She's the one in charge."

"I know," he agreed, going to grab his jacket and stop the next one coming in. He could hear the fighting starting. He stood in the door, putting on his jacket. "This is a happy welcoming event for a new child," he said loudly. "It is a peaceful event or I'll blow up the ones who aren't." The heros stared at him. He stared back. "I'm not letting *anyone* touch that kid. I don't give a damn what your problem is or how expensive your therapist is, you're not touching that kid or their family."

"Non gendered?" one of the heros asked.

"They don't grow a gender until they hit puberty. You can guess sometimes but not always." He looked at the others. "Are you here to be peacefully nice and greet the child that was fought so hard to be?"

"We were handling the protest outside," that same hero said, moving forward. "I'd never hurt a kid."

Xander looked at him. "Thank you for telling me that but I know who you are." He shrugged. "I looked everyone of note up. You were included." The guy grinned at that. He looked at Wonder Woman.

"I also would never harm a woman or her child, Watcher Harris."

Xander nodded, getting out of the way. "Had to be stated anyway with the fighting going on."

"It did," she agreed. "My mother did much the same. You are a fierce warrior like she is."

He looked at her. "Your mother's a queen. I don't have that sort of class, ma'am." He grinned. "But thank you." She smirked, walking inside to give the new mother her people's greetings on the child then leaving them alone. The others did the same. Xander nodded at one and handed him something. "The council in your town is there," he said quietly. "Pay respects there and make friends. They're pretty isolated because a lot of people think they're too weird. Just watch out for snot being blown in greeting."

"I can do that," Shazam said. He told the others outside. They had to deal with a few more thugs trying something. Xander came out with a sigh. "We have it."

Xander waved a hand and threw out a few gas grenades. "Dudes, really? Are you worse than a battle in the rain with a sword? Especially a naked one?" They fled from him. "Thanks!" He grinned and waved at their backs. He walked off shaking his head with a sigh. "I need to bring them to the next real battle, see who's a useable minion. Maybe I'll make a battle unit for myself out of the ones who make it."

Wonder Woman looked at him. Then shook her head. "You are not a warlord, Watcher Harris."

He shot her a grin. "No but some days it doesn't seem like a bad career choice. Then I go play poker with my buddies and they remind me of why I do things." He heard something start and moved. "MOVE!" They did and the laser didn't hit anyone. Batman hit the guy into a building and he stopped firing. "Thanks." He went back inside.

Buffy strolled out, lifting her skirt to go down the stairs. "Well," she said, looking around. "Mess up the dress, I dare you," she called. She smiled at Wonder Woman. "It's great to meet strong women warriors." She held out a hand. "Buffy Summers."

She smiled and shook it. "Wonder Woman, Slayer Summers." Buffy grinned at that. "Are you in for the refugee moment?"

"Not really. We don't think it's necessary. Like Xander, I'm having a slight vacay, hoping to find a new boyfriend, and if it happens we'll solve it. Giles wanted a second opinion on putting a full time slayer here."

Batman looked at her oddly. "I don't think we have much for them to handle. We have almost no vampires. Most of the problems are human in nature."

She nodded. "We've told him but it's still a vacay for us and I'm hoping maybe one of the minions would be a good boyfriend for me or one of the other slayers. It's hard to find a good man who understands," she told Wonder Woman, who nodded.

"I need a good one who'll understand the job and so do most of us. We were hoping minions might make the cut." She strolled off. "I'm going back to the hotel before I get this dress dirty." She patted Shazam on the arm. "You're fine. Quit gaping, dude. I'm pretty and mystically chosen but not the only one." She smiled at him as she walked past him.

"Leave him alone," Xander called. "He's not your type, he's nice."

"Fine!"

"Thank you, Buffy." He waved. Faith was giggling as she followed Buffy back to keep them out of trouble.

Batman looked at Xander, who shrugged. "I told him it to was too dangerous for a slayer to be here."

"Thank you."

"Not a problem. Willow would show up to help redecorate if we did. You'd have a lot more flowers." He went back inside to guard the baby some more. He had volunteered, he had to do it the whole night, and he knew that. The mother looked at him. "What? I said I'd guard the baby tonight so others could have a happy moment." He grinned. "Buffy went back to the hotel after flirting."

She nodded. "That's nice of her. And you, Watcher Harris."

He smirked. "Now I remember why I don't take vacations." She giggled at that. "I get bored and there's no poker circuit here." He went back to guarding the baby.

The heros shared a look then went to talk about all that. Well, Batman went to angst and swear at any higher power listening that he may have to watch over a slayer as well, but the rest of them went to talk and discuss all that.

***

Buffy was sipping a coffee drink of some kind with too much whipped cream in the park when Xander strolled past her talking to Samia. "This the right park, Xander?"

"No. But it's got the nicer path and no muggers. The small one up the block," he said with a point. "Yes, Buffy's here, Samia. She's trying to pick up someone unstakeable for a change."

"Hey!" Buffy complained, getting up to snatch the phone. "They have heroic guys here who do the same sort of job," she quipped in greeting. Xander went back to his walk. "Sure it's dangerous but after Sunnydale, everything's just blah to me." She listened to her and the kid in the background complaining loudly about something. "Which mini is that?" She listened. "You have sisters?"

"Yes, they're in the snotty cow opinion stage," Xander quipped before he got too far away.

Buffy laughed and repeated that. Samia agreed and told the sisters they were being bratty, she was talking to Buffy. "How's the wailing heathen?" She listened the nodded. "That's great though, right? I know, but if it stops all the screaming... No, I'm not taking notes. I can't have kids, Samia. Only twenty percent of us can or want to, I'm in the can't group.

"No, I had Willow do a spell actually. So much easier." She smiled. "That's great news. Are you going to marry the daddy of both spawns?" She giggled. "That's cool. No, I quipped last night that I was shocked Xander wasn't walking your heathen while we were greeting the matriarch's new baby. She had been trying for years and finally had one.

"It's a great, quiet, cooing little one. I know, they all start that way. Then they get colic apparently." She relaxed, sipping her coffee slushie with whipped cream. "No, we're scoping the parks where it may happen for hazards and I'm scoping hotties jogging around the park.

"Yeah, it's a good vacay and Xander's so relaxed he got bored. Yeah, that state. Sure. Let us know if you need us for something. Xander should be able to get back within a few weeks. Anything big going on? I can help you shop for that. Video call when you're shopping and I can help by being all tasteful like Mom would want me to be."

She grinned. "Great news and tell her we said congrats and I'll have Giles write out a formal one later. Sure, Samia. I hear the heathen screaming. Have fun." She hung up and texted Giles, adding it was her at the end. That way he could send formal congratulations for the upcoming marriage of some goddess' second son. Xander came back around. "Someone named Hilah is marrying off her second son."

He grimaced. "That's going to be a loud party if he can't escape. But I'll send my official congrats and a tasteful present of an escape kit in case he needs it." She gave him a funny look. "He's collared during the ceremony. His girlfriend treats him like a dog already. I figure it's sweet and protective." He grinned, taking the phone she held up. "Anyone else call?"

"Not that I saw. I sent Giles a text telling him about the wedding. Samia thinks she may be pregnant again. She said her dog is very protective of her stomach again."

He nodded. "Yeah, dogs can do that. So can cats."

"Did you have Willow do the infertility spell?"

"Let is a strong word to use in that sense," he said dryly. "I didn't *let* her do anything like that." She winced. "Though I was probably infertile due to the mermaid taint anyway." He shrugged. "Wanna go see that park?"

"Sure." She got up and went with him to look at it. "This one's gloomy."

"It has muggers."

"Ah." She nodded, looking around the area. "Any idea where it'd start?" He pointed. "That's a nicely open area."

"The fountain has an energy trace that flows this way by the sensing crystals I have."

"Charming." She texted Faith from her own phone, getting her. "How's that park look?"

"Like we should unleash the minis on it to make it more cheery and park like," she admitted.

"Gotham seems to have a lot of that," Xander quipped. "And spots with steam at night." The girls shook their heads at that. "But hey, if it's not dangerous...." He grinned. "But that could just be me missing my chaotic moments."

Buffy pinched him on the arm. "Go find a good date then."

"Had a few. They were nice. Decent. Agents. Giles complained." The girls sighed at that. "Their agencies complained to Giles. I told him they probably hired them for being dangerous and deadly sorts." He shrugged but grinned. "You know, there's got to be a coven nearby and I haven't looked."

The slayers looked at each other then looked on their phones, Buffy sending a few texts to the coven in England. They didn't like Faith or Xander. "They have a shop," Buffy said. "We can go greet them and tell them we're not here to interfere but the coven HP said we could offer them flower seeds since the town's so gloomy."

"Go for it. They probably won't like me. Since I haven't seen one they're probably avoiding me." He grinned.

"Well you are full of weird energies," Buffy quipped back. Faith nodded, going with her.

Xander went to the gym to workout. He hadn't had to build or lift anything heavy in a few days.

One of the guys in there looked at him as he was lifting. "Why do you side-lift that way?"

"That's how I haul artillery. I lift it to here, then up onto my shoulder." He did that with a small grunt. "Then I carry it around until I can fire it. Then I carefully put it down so someone can maybe refill it for me." He did that and straightened up with a grin. "It saves my back to do it that way."

"Oh." He nodded, coming over to try that. He winced at the weight. "That didn't seem that heavy."

"Sorry, had some team lifting weapons instead of single user ones recently. It's also tilted toward the back since most of mine are." He helped the guy take off a few weights and try it his way.

"That does work the love handles," he praised. "And arms." He put down the weight, letting Xander reload it for himself. "Just five pounds?"

"Usually they're fairly well balanced but vehicle mounted ones tend to be a bit backside heavy. Since they won't fit on my truck I've had to steady them and get used to the heavier weight on the shooting end." He did a few more then winced and put it down. He sucked in a breath, stretched and did it another five times.

He put them back down and went to the leg machine once the weights were back in the rack. "Let's see, lots of walking so sixty pounds," he decided, setting it for that, and sitting down so he could use the leg press system. "I need to bring a book when I do this," he decided, making the other guy laugh.

He did a good fifty reps there then went to bike but he wasn't as used to that so switched to the treadmill, getting lost in the motion until the guy nudged him. "Oh, hey, twenty miles! Less than some days when the truck broke but good!" He grinned and went back to lifting things.

"So what do you do? New in town?"

"In on vacay and maybe a problem but I'm the Watcher in Africa." He grinned. "Training and handling things for the minis."

"Wow. No wonder you use artillery. We're having one?"

"We're having a refugee moment and we're hoping no one steps in to make that worse." That got a nod. "But we've warned everyone so it should be okay and peaceful."

"That's always better, yeah." He watched Xander lift the regular weights. "You're off center to the left."

Xander checked his stance and shifted to do it more evenly. "Thanks, dude."

"Welcome." He went back to his own lifting.

Xander's phone rang and he carefully put down the weight before answering it. "Yeah? No I'm not anywhere there, General Pierce. I'm in the US helping with a future refugee thing in a few weeks and having a slight vacation while waiting on it to happen." He listened. "No, Samia's at home but she's got a few of the minis there with her while I'm over here to let them learn about baby things.

"Yeah, the spawn still has colic," he said, leaning on the weight rack until someone came over. "If I was closer I would go to that meeting but you can ask Hillary. She's in Egypt or should be near there this week by her usual route. Or I can suggest Buffy or Faith travel from here over there if it'd help more." He grinned.

"I thought they might not like that. If I could get popped there and back I would. You can ask Samia. The minis could use a learning field trip I guess. Just make sure she's okay because she thinks she may be pregnant again. Thanks, General. Yup, few weeks probably.

"We're barely into the window when it could open. No, refugees. I'm hoping it's not like that one but there's always hope. Thanks, man." He hung up, texting Samia to let her know about that offer. Plus that she could bring the minis as a field trip. She complained back and suddenly a wailing little being appeared. Xander sighed, picking her up to stare at her. "Hey!" She sniffled, staring at him.

"Did your mommy's idiot sister send you all the way here?" The baby sniffled again. "I know, it sucks, your tummy hurts. Calm it down. Help Uncle Xander lift some weights, then we'll go get something that you shouldn't eat that'll make you fart, okay?" He put the baby down next to him and went back to his lifting, shaking his head.

The baby made noise at the guy staring at him. "One of my slayer's kid but she has epic colic. Has for four months." He kept doing his reps until he was done then took the baby with him back to the hotel to shower, change, then get them some mexican food. It made him gassy, it should help her fart to cure her gassiness.

The guy called that in to his team leader and got back to his own workout.

***

Faith sat down, staring at the cooing baby. "She's not wailing?"

"She farted so hard I had to change the diaper because it was nearly holed," Xander said dryly with a grin. "Refried beans work well for babies."

"Ah." Faith just nodded. "It's weird seeing you with a kid."

"She's a pretty good kid." He looked at her because she had belched. He patted her on the head. "You're good." She stuffed some more beans into her hand then sucked on it. "Nice work, Kimberly." He looked at Faith again. "I guess I'm going to hang out and watch tv this afternoon."

"Probably a good idea. The town's too dangerous for a kid that young."

He nodded. "It is." An officer came in and over to them. "Yeah?"

"Sir, where did the baby come from?"

"Africa. My slayer Samia's daughter. She's got colic and I've spent a lot of time walking her because of it." The baby belched and laughed at them. "Exactly," he told her, wiping her mouth off. "Swallow, don't drool it out." He looked at the officer. "Samia's sister is an idiot witchling with *ideas* about being important. The baby appeared while I was working out earlier so I'm doing what I usually do, curing her colic." He ate a bite of empanada.

"That's almost reasonable," the officer said. "Does this happen often?"

"Yeah." Xander nodded with a grin. "I've been in a battle and had the baby show up. Samia handed her over as she stomped over to take the postpartum stress out on a battle. I've spent a lot of time fussing over Kimberly here."

"She's got an American name?"

"Named after where her parents met, in Kimberly, South Africa."

"Oh, I didn't know that."

"Diamond mines there," Faith said. She looked at the happy kid. "Why can't her mom do that?"

"Her mom likes spicy stuff and it's gotten through her breast milk so Kimberly always has colic from the spices. We put her on formula for a bit and it quit. Mom's a bit stubborn."

"She gets it from the slayer calling, the same as we all do," Faith quipped. The baby reached for her so she let her have her hand to play with. "That washes easier than the shirt."

The officer shook his head. "Is that a good baby food?"

"It's refried beans," Xander said. "I asked the grandmotherly person behind the counter and she said her kids ate it."

"Fine." He nodded. "We'll make sure the ones watching you know that you have the kid for now."

"Sure. I was going to stay in this afternoon to make sure she was safe."

Faith stared at him. "You're watching him that hard?"

"We don't know when that portal will open so when he reacts, we'll call it in and show up too."

"Good idea," Faith admitted with a nod. "B's out and about flirting with pretty, dangerous boys." She waved her free hand. The baby squealed so she let her have both hands, making her happy. "You're picky today."

"She's picky most days," Xander told her. "She'll be that three-year-old who'll only eat certain green foods because some are too green or not green enough."

"Saw a few of those in the mall," Faith agreed with a nod. "Most of them eat chicken nuggets."

"Mom has a few chickens, she can make nuggets." The baby belched loudly. "Feel better?" he asked, grinning as he wiped her mouth off again. She did it again and then cooed in pleasure. "I know, it's helping your colic greatly."

The officer just nodded. "Sounds like it." He went to call that in and tell the others he was cutely fussing over the kid. He hoped no one tried the guy or the kid. The other two slayers would probably cause a huge mess if they did. Though the blonde slayer wasn't causing a mess, she was letting some little kids run in the park and throw flower seeds for some reason. He wasn't going to step into that.

He nodded at the redheaded woman who walked past him with some bubble tea and a book. The kids squealed and threw some of the seeds on her but the officer didn't see her float them into a nearby flowerbed. The redhead smiled and made them bloom for the girls to coo at and plant more of them.

***

Batman looked oddly at the police inspector that night. "Isn't Poison Ivy still in jail?"

He nodded. "She is. That's why we're wondering how we have quickly growing plants that like to pet people."

Batman shook his head slowly. "I have no idea. I'll look into it. Any other notes?"

"That watcher guy somehow got his slayer's kid to fuss at. She was happily belching up the refried beans most of the afternoon."

"He said something about that kid having colic."

"Clearly. She's happily belching now."

"I'll make sure nothing goes near that hotel." He left, going to check on those plants. They were very friendly, petted him gently over the cowl. One flicked his ears a few times to play with them. He stared at the snapdragon plant then around with a sigh. He had to save a few muggers but he had no idea what was going on. It looked like magic maybe? He called in a magic user, who showed up to stare at the flowers. "Any idea, Zantana?"

"Magic," she said with a nod. "Weird, strong magic."

A redhead strolled over, then grinned and waved. "Hi, Miss Stage Magician. The girls wanted to make the town less gloomy so they planted flowers. Isn't that okay?"

"You have magic," Zantana said with a look.

She grinned. "Hi, Willow Rosenburg of the Council. I had to bring the girls to help with the flowers and Buffy her mail from the college earlier. So I made sure they thrived." She grinned. "Stray pets are going to be safe sheltering in them too." She waved a hand and disappeared.

Zantana looked at Batman, who just nodded. "She's very strong."

"Clearly." The snapdragon was flicking his cowl's ears again. "Let me go find a problem to handle. Thank you for the consult."

"Welcome." She took a few cuttings and went back home to giggle herself sick. Batman was not used to people who weren't like him, young or old. That witch was nothing like what he understood about people.

Everyone was ignoring how pretty the new flowers were, and how nice they were to stray animals that were hiding in that park.

Though a few villains were highly amused. Poison Ivy got given videos of the plants, which made her incredibly happy. Selena Kyle was pleased at how nice they were to stray animals, especially cats. They got to sit together to watch the live streamed feed from that park for a few hours with the guards being happy they weren't causing problems.

And it did make Gotham a bit prettier in one area.

Even if they were trying to play with Batman's cowl's ears anytime he ran past them.

***

Buffy looked over as Xander joined her for breakfast with a belching, happy kid. "Wow."

"She's too young to say excuse me," Xander quipped. "But the mexican beans fixed that tummy ache of hers." He grinned.

"I can see that." She called someone. "Xander still has Samia's daughter, who is happily belching. Can you? That'd be great, Merideth. Thanks. Yeah, we're at breakfast." She hung up and Samia appeared a few minutes later, staring at her daughter. Kimberly belched a few times then giggled.

"So that's how you cure that."

"Refried beans," Xander quipped with a grin. "I made sure it was safe for her with the grandma aged lady at the Mexican place." He kissed her on the head, handing her back. Kimberly fussed so he stared at her. "We've talked about this. That's your mom and you belong with her. You only live with me if your Mommy dies in a battle, Kimmy." She smiled at Buffy then hid her face in her mom's hair, belching some more.

Samia sighed, looking at the two elders. "He spoils her rotten, Buffy."

"Good. She deserves it. She's a great little girl and should be fussed at." She grinned, patting the baby on the back. "You be good for Mommy. We like that and no more bad bellies for you, young lady."

Samia grinned. "There's always hope!" She texted and got sent back home.

Xander grinned at her for that saving. "She'll be fine. Her grandma may hate how she belches. We called Grandma last night and she sighed at each and every single belch." Buffy giggled at that. "What did you do yesterday?"

"Some of the minis wanted to come plant flowers. Giles had them sent to do it here."

He stared at her. "The ones on the news last night?"

She shrugged but grinned. "The mini witch squad and Willow's trainees helped with it too?" She tried to look innocent.

He just nodded. "Sure, I'm sure they had a lot of fun." She grinned and nodded at that.

"They'll probably even eat zombies just in case that's a problem they'll see."

He just nodded at that, sipping his coffee. She dug in when Faith joined them.

"Mini mighty wind go home?" Faith asked.

"Yeah, just now, Buffy called," Xander quipped. "Grandma sighed at each belch last night when we called."

Faith patted him on the arm. "At least it solved the colic stuff." She ordered her breakfast when the waiter stopped at the table. They got back to slurping and eating before they went to lurk around the probable areas of the city that a portal may start in.

***

Xander initiated the call. "That's the portal," he announced. "Secondary park without the flowers." He hung up and walked over, waving at the first ones coming through. "The healers are two blocks from here," he announced. "If you can't make it that far we'll help you get there. The local community is waiting to help you once the healers have seen you!"

Those ones nodded and a few officers moved in to help get them to the healer's clinic. "Thanks, guys." He helped a few across the boundary. "Let the officers take you to the healers. They can help you," he said more gently.

"Guys, this one's got something broken in their lower half," he called. "I think it's their tail." An officer came over to help steady them. Xander noticed the bad omen showing up and sighed mentally but they'd handle it if they had to. Both slayers were on their way there just in case. The heroic sorts in town were there just in case. Hiding as normal people but there.

The mean overlord came to the portal, smiling nicely at his fleeing people. "I'm sure they'll have a good life on your realm instead." He stared at Xander. "Do I know you?"

Xander stared back. "Do you want me to talk about how you lost a few hands of poker but had forgotten your wallet at home in front of everyone who's watching?" he asked dryly. "I can but I doubt you want them to hear it."

"Oh, yes I do remember," he said, ducking his head a bit and looking embarrassed. "Which are you?"

"Watcher Xander Harris. Head watcher in Africa over the minis."

The demon overlord blinked a few times. "That's interesting."

One of the demons flinched away from Xander. "You are one of his type?" he demanded.

"No. I'm not his type. I'm fair and I'm just and I guard the mini slayers."

"Knight?" he asked, sounding awed.

"Yeah." He nodded with a grin. "I am that Xander. Yup. Go with the officers to go to the healers. Then the local community will help you guys." The demon nodded, going to spread that word to the others.

The overlord frowned and pointed. "What is that?"

Xander looked then at him. "That's a clown. Usually they're to amuse people. That one's to rob and mutilate people. Please don't start an invasion over them. There was a vision, we don't need that today. This is the end of my vacation."

He looked, grimacing. "I cannot see their uses."

"You should see normal clowns," Buffy quipped as she joined them. "They can do tricks and are meant to be funny."

"Oh. Charming." He nodded.

A guy stomped over and shot his minion in the head, ranting about setting off that vision of the invasion. No one wanted that. "I do not want to get tired of killing things right before I die!" the guy shouted. "We do not need an invasion here!"

"Thank you," Xander called without looking that way. He looked at the overlord. "Is that all of them? We expected about forty and I only counted twenty-nine."

"I can let the others that want to leave come over," he sighed, going to announce that. More came over, including part of his army. It made him pouty. He had thought he was being a good overlord.

Xander pointed. "Let the officers take you to the healers then the local community will help you find a spot," he announced.

One of the military people stared, backing away slowly. "Knight!"

Xander smirked. "You sound like you're amazed I'm here." He pointed. "Healers. Now. Just in case."

"Yes. We can do that." He made sure all the new group made it there. Even getting a bit shoving but Faith stopped him from doing that.

Buffy looked at Xander. "How does he know you?"

"Poker games."

"Oh." She nodded. "I have a few contacts like that too." She went to help a few of the demons up and to the healers. Since it didn't look like an invasion. Though, behind her someone started to scream in a high pitched male voice. She sighed and looked then nodded. "People, that's Arasada coming to visit too," she announced.

"They're cousins to the ones who had to flee," Xander announced from his spot. "They should be peaceful and may be looking to help their cousin species." He stared at the one stepping through first. "Aren't you."

"Yes, we are, Knight." He smiled and nodded at the officers staring at him. "We wish to help our fellow beings."

"Healers," one said with a point. "Two blocks that way. They're all being cleared of injuries and any germs."

"We can go help with that. Healers, go help with that," he ordered. The healers came through looking scared. Xander stared at the demon in charge, making him flinch backward. "It was not us!" he begged. "It was Malvata coming to visit! They wore them out!"

"Oh, fuck," Xander muttered. "Are they trying to visit here too?"

"I'd hope not?" the general admitted. "We do not know."

"Okay. Go to the healers just to make sure you didn't bring any germs we don't have access to." He pointed. That got a nod and the general jogged that way. Xander sighed, watching what was going on. Yup, lots of people in armor that was functional instead of ceremonial. Looked a lot like the other ones only more orange.

Xander pulled something off his side and opened it. He hauled out something and lifted it properly onto his shoulder, waiting until they proved they were going to be a pain in his ass. Yup, they charged with a battle yell. He fired on them and the battle was on. Buffy jumped in with her sword. Faith ran back with hers. "Ladies, swords won't work," he bellowed. "Use something bigger! And tell Rosenburg no magic! They're immune!"

"Fudge," Buffy yelled back. "We need more girls."

"We need more weapons than we do slayers," Xander noted. "Unless they're bringing the weapons with them." He glared at her. "This is big gun battles, not sword and axe stuff."

"We don't have access to that anymore, Xander. You broke the key!"

"I didn't break the key, Summers. Willow broke the key and she did it on purpose!" He tossed her the portal he had. "Borrow away but it's all heavy."

She dug into it, coming groaning with something. Faith moved to help her. "This is huge."

"It's meant to take down big things," Faith noted. They braced it on their shoulders and Buffy fired it off, decimating half the army.

"We wish sanctuary to get away from an original demon!" someone shouted from a new portal. "Please, may we!"

"Yes," Xander called. "Enter and get out of the way. Tell us when it gets here. Just don't join this battle." They did that and cowered in a corner, covered by Aquaman for now since he couldn't really help here.

"What is that?" someone shouted.

Buffy looked then sighed and turned to find another weapon, firing on that thing. "It's an ascended demon. It used to be human or something and changed to that. The head has to come off to kill it."

"Explosives work," Faith added.

"Okay," Batman agreed, stepping in to help. "Boys, no, help the hiding ones!"

"Shut up!" one shouted back. "We can fire on it."

Xander looked back. "The neck is that silvery band on that one. The head has to come off after that band to behead it. It can and will eat anything that'll fit in the mouth. Usually we've just blown them up when we find one." That got a nod from that Robin, who changed ammo. Xander pulled out something and groaned, holding his now sore shoulder. "Fuck," he growled. "Help me here," he ordered the nearest one.

"Don't lift on that side usually?" he joked.

"No, I usually fire from the other side but I just killed that shoulder." They got the weapon out, up, and braced then fired on the problem in front of them.

"Aw, fuck, no wonder I would've died from that," the clown said.

Xander shook his head with a sigh. "Then kill it really hard by taking off the head!"

More heros showed up, and a few villains. Xander looked in his portal then huffed. "Great. We're down to axes and swords." He pulled his out and dove into it.

"Hey!" Buffy called.

"We're out, Summers."

"Shit!" she chirped. She called that in. "Giles, we *really* need weapons. Xander only brought ten. We need about fifty more. No, he's jumped in with his axe. We're down to swords and axes at a gun battle." She hung up and dug in there, finding a good sword to use. She tossed Faith another one and they dove in with a sigh.

Faith growled. "Fuck. This. Shit!" She beheaded the next one and moved on, nodding at the ones helping her. "Guard B too please," she called.

"If I die here I'll tell my mom you both said hi," Buffy called back. "Guard Faith and Xander. He's normal and she's gotta take over."

"If you fall I'm taking over myself," Xander called, ducking and then wincing as he hit that one in the face with his fist then beheaded it. "That way I fix all the problems for good!"

"Okay," both slayers agreed with a nod and a shrug. "Sure. Go for it." They shared a look and dove in again.

"Let the military help," someone in the back shouted.

"Please use weapons," Buffy shouted.

Xander glanced back between blows. "Get the portal by blowing the edges! Get the army by beheading. They've got body armor. The head witch in charge is in the background on their side and I'm about to do something mean to them." That got passed back to the military guys, who did indeed blow the portal.

"Not that one!" Faith shouted. "They can go home in a minute once we kill their ascended demon problems."

"We have another, it's his daughter," one of them called.

"I got it," Shazam called, heading to fix that problem. A tree, pulled out and thrown, brained the demon and then he flew it back to be beheaded. Which Superman could do with his laser eyes.

Black Adam showed up stomping over. "Let us handle it," he ordered.

"Jump the fuck in," Xander called with a mini-wave. "Beheading somehow please."

"Granted." He beat at a few things.

"Not us!" Buffy complained. "We're fighting the problems!" She pointed. "That's the problems!" He huffed and went to handle that.

Superman flew over to bowl into a group and knock them down. Xander got them out by stealing a few grenades from the military guys and using them. Then he threw a few more. The invading army was less than a third of what it had been. "How do we end the portal, Harris?"

"Blow the edge. High yield, it'll twist, then suck itself into it. If you hit the center you create a void or open a picture-in-picture sort."

"Okay." He went to work on the edges. Batman ran over to help, he had the technical experience to do that. They both got injured but oh well. Xander ran over to lay the explosive for them and then got them out of the way.

"Harris, your shoulder's dislocated," Batman noted.

Xander frowned at him. "I noticed that. Thank you!" He went back to beating the problems back by hand. The portal went up and twisted but didn't fully close. "Great!" he growled.

Willow appeared at a run and came over to end the portal. "Move!" They got out of the way and she tried, really hard, but it ended up being a portal in portal to a great garden area.

Xander looked then sighed. He called out something in another language and on that side, they got the portal closed and it sucked in the other one. "Get the sorcerer holding the other ones," Xander called. "Leave the one on the right, Rosenburg, they can go home!"

She nodded, moving to get the others ended. She heard someone shriek and looked then saved his life by sending him at Buffy.

Buffy caught him and looked at him. "Well, you avoided being eaten." She handed him a sword. "Let's get back to the messy work." She dove back in with a head shake.

Xander glanced back and shook his head too. "Don't flirt with that one, Summers. He's too dirty for you."

"You're awfully picky about who I date," she complained.

"He's into torture, Princess," a female voice called. "You're way too nice for him."

"Aww, Harley, I'm wounded," the Joker called, smirking at her and putting a hand over his chest. So of course, one of the demons stabbed him. "Hey! I meant mentally, not physically." He shot that one.

Buffy looked at him. "They'll think it's an offer. Quit being so literal." She stabbed another demon in the face then moved on. "Eww, I need spa time after this." Xander snorted. Faith laughed. "We do, Faith. We'll be grimy."

"Too late for that. Spa time won't even help." She got her next few and saw Xander stumble. "X?" she called. "You okay?"

"Fuck no but I'm going to rip out their throats with my teeth." He growled and moved in again. "Fuck them all." He huffed and looked up, calling out to someone. "If you don't pay me right the hell now, I'm going to make your life miserable when I get back there please!"

A weapon fell at his feet. "That'll help. Thanks." He picked it up and fired it on the demons. It had lasers, it had a battery, it had multiple shots. Someone tried to take it from him so he punched them and went back to it. Yup, they all fell. He huffed and put the weapon on the end so he could lean on it. "Sorry we made the mess, people." He looked around. "Can they go back?" he called, waving a hand at the refugees.

"Yes," they called, heading that way now that the battle wasn't near them. They closed that portal from that side. Now they knew how to handle such beings on their own! The Knight had shown them the way.

Xander sighed, walking back to his portal to put that gun into it. He gathered the other things to stuff in there. "That way I can see if they can be reloaded or recycled for cash." He looked at the girls. "Scatter, ladies." They nodded, letting Willow send them home. He looked at the villain next to him. "Don't flirt with Buffy. She likes dangerous and deadly but you don't equal up to a master vampire. Which was her last real boyfriend."

"Not a problem. Not looking for one. I'm glad we got around that vision though." He left before something did eat him. He got tripped into the head and it did clamp down on his chest. The officers got him free and arrested him but did get him to an ER to be treated.

Xander shook his head. "I've only been off-time a few times." He shrugged at the ones looking at him. "Okay, so...." He looked around. "Burn this?" he suggested. That got a nod from the officers. "If you ask the redheaded one, she'll bring the mini witches back to plant more flowers."

"We were wondering how that happened," one quipped.

"Magic." He nodded. "A lot of magic and trainee witches who love flowers and kittens and puppies and cake. You're lucky there's not a walking cake stand that'll deliver you snack cakes." They just nodded at that. "Let me..." He looked at himself. "Go hose off. Because I agree, not even a spa will scrub all this off me." He put the portal back on his side.

"What's that?" Batman asked.

Xander looked then at him. "I won it at a poker game." He grinned and hiked off. One of the officers gave him a ride back to his hotel. "Thanks."

"Welcome. I wanted out of the way of the others before they started their own fight."

"The broody guy in charge can probably handle breaking that up if you want him to."

"We're expecting it. He's our patron vigilante saint sort."

"I heard. Which is kinda cool. He's got a comic book." The officer laughed but let him off. "Thanks, dude. Have a better day." He hiked inside, nodding at them. "I'm going to use all the hot water," he said at the odd looks. "Because I know I need it." They nodded, not getting near him. "Any messages?"

"No, sir, not yet."

"Great. If it's nagging, I'm not here? Please?" he begged, hitting the button for the elevator. One of the staff hit the button inside for him and cleaned off the entry button once he was gone. Xander did indeed take the world's longest shower and worked to get his shoulder back into place.

***

Batman looked around at the mess. "Want regular fire or chemical fire?" he asked the nearest officer.

"Fire department's standing by, sir. They can burn it and then the city can dig it up."

"Okay. Let's go home," he announced. "We're all tired."

Superman looked at the villains, who shrugged back. "Thank you for the help, people. Have a better week." They nodded, disappearing again.

"This was not satisfying," Black Adam complained.

"Well, they wanted to invade the earth," Superman said dryly. "And they weren't allowed to do that. Thank you for the help though."

The guy grimaced but nodded. "Will they return?"

"No."

"What is that thing?" he asked with a point.

"Harris said it was an ascension. That they were probably human or humanish and became that of their own free will," Superman said. "I have no idea how. I can ask if you want."

"I can ask. They're warriors."

"The slayers? Yes. Harris guards and trains the young ones in Africa. They were mystically chosen to fight demons that're hurting people and vampires."

Black Adam raised an eyebrow. "I was told they were fairy tales."

"Many think so," Batman agreed. "They've kept it quiet for generations." That got a nod and he flew off thinking about things.

Aquaman looked at the other heros. "That was nuts."

"They have a lot of battles like that," Batman said, sounding exhausted. "But yes it was. We should fade and go rest or get injuries treated." They nodded, all going together to the main Hall of Justice for now. Then they could travel home from there. When Batman and his kids got home, Alfred was waiting with a doctor who knew them, pain killers, and bottles of cold water as they walked in. "Thank you, Alfred."

"You're most welcome, Master Bruce." He looked at the boys. "Go rest." They ran to do that. Alfred's word was law in the house. They took what they needed as they walked past him.

Bruce Wayne took what he needed and headed off with the doctor following him. "We need to never have another of those again."

"Feel lucky you're not in LA. They've had a few of those, sir," Alfred quipped.

"Remind me not to even visit."

"Of course." He smiled at his boss's back. He was so disgruntled at having fought against a demon invasion. When Alfred checked, all the boys were asleep, had treated their injuries, and looked like they'd be fine.

***

Xander came down the next morning. He found a young hero waiting. He walked up behind him. "Should I hit you and say 'tag you're it'?" he asked with a smirk when the guy spun to look at him.

"That'd be co...well, no, I'm in uniform," he sighed. He stared at him. "You know."

"I do know. Calabria had to tell someone." He shrugged. "The girls don't share with Buffy or Faith about guy things unless they're shitbags." He stared at him. "Personally, I think you'd be good for her. And the other way around too. Not like you don't understand each other's problems," he said dryly. "And if you're good together then great. If not, then that happens in real life."

Shazam smiled and nodded a bit. "Just don't intentionally screw up. Then you'd probably get Buffy and Faith both on your ass and that's not something anyone wants." He shook his head quickly. "Just...be yourself, be good, be honest. I heard how it all came out. And the confusion you had." He grinned, patting him on the arm. "Just be you."

"I can do that. I hope. Thanks."

"Welcome. I'm eternally the big brother figure for all the slayers, even the ones who don't go on patrol." He grimaced but then grinned. "Which is why I hear about things that come for the girls when the other girls don't." He tipped his head to the side. "Also, eat something. You seem tired."

"It's been a long night. People screamed."

"We get a lot of that. They hate that we defend them but if we don't they get really a lot more angry. The shouting knew no end when I didn't make a battle because I was in the hospital with malaria. Even though I wasn't needed there and the military had it. Sometimes you gotta invite people to handle it themselves for them to stop screaming about you protecting them."

"You were younger."

"I was almost sixteen when I stepped in."

"Wow. That's young."

Xander smirked a bit. "Really?"

"Compared to the others it is."

Xander nodded. "Yeah but we all have a reason we jumped in. Even if it wasn't apparent to us, it was there. In my case, one tiny little blonde airhead shouldn't be saving humanity by herself. Do I regret that decision? Yeah. Every single day at least once a day. Do I still stand by it? I sure do because no one else is going to do the job if I don't."

"I ...I was chosen."

Xander nodded. "And something in you made you worthy of that. Like that hammer thingy in the comics. You're worthy." He stared at him.

"I don't feel like it."

"Neither do I. I feel like I'm fucking up over half the time. And I probably could be but I'm handling things the best I can with what I can do. The same as you guys do."

He nodded. "I hadn't thought about that point. He said he didn't have another choice."

"Yeah, your higher being? That's because of your age, dude. You've done it proud. Even if it does confuse everyone and you, it's all good because you've done what you could do to make things better." That got a nod and the guy relaxed. "Some people have 'I guess I should'. Some people have vengeance. Some people do it because it's the right thing to do.

"Some of do it because no one else was doing it or going to do it. Sometimes you're a bit of all of those and sometimes not. Humans are complicated. Demon goddesses are even more so though." He patted him on the arm. "Calabria's birthday is next month. She hates cake. She does like to go jogging in the park though."

"I.... Huh. I'll keep that in mind. Does she listen to music?"

"I have no idea. I'm so far out of touch with hip music anymore." He grinned. "They don't listen to the same stuff in the middle parts of Africa. Though there is a thriving heavy and death metal community down there. That surprised me a lot with how much leather they wear near the equator." Shazam smiled at that.

"Ask the girl. People like to talk about themselves so if you get stuck ask them something about themselves." He grinned. "And never date a vengeance demon. Any of them. They nice enough beings but they do bring their work home." He patted him on the arm again before walking off. "I'm going back to my minis of destruction."

"They said that hero guy escaped," he called after him.

Xander nodded. "Already handled him when he tried to grab me two days ago." He shot him a smirk back.

"Why?"

"I found out he was so cranked he was a slinky mentally." He looked back at him. "He decided he liked the high of solving the problem and didn't care if someone was inconveniently innocent or even a civilian." Shazam winced at that but nodded. "He got mad at me for finding that out."

"You took my future toy away," someone male yelled.

"You've got minions for that," Xander shouted back. "Go torture them instead." He looked back at the sigh, shaking his head. "I know a few guys like him but they're still fighting the good fight even if they could consider genocide fun and games." He grimaced. "Sometimes your allies aren't all they're cracked up to be." He shrugged and got a cab to go to the airport. "Have fun. You've got to take time off the job, dude. It'll save your sanity and health." He climbed in and got driven off.

Shazam nodded. "That's not bad advice." He turned and found a Batkid. "Hey!" he said with a grin and a wave.

"You met one of the slayers?"

"We were in the same area when something tried to attack. She shot me a look and tried to get me to go away so she could handle it. She pulled a stake. I kinda went 'nope, this one's mine' and winced but changed in front of her because I didn't have a choice. She's a really neat girl. We spent a few hours talking about the hero stuff afterwards."

The batkid nodded. "That makes sense. They seem decent enough but a bit mentally flimsy."

"I think that's an act. Summers may act like that but she's steel underneath that. I've seen women like her dare an army to take them down and then laugh at them for trying."

"Good point. Most of us don't have the cover persona though."

"Yes you do or you'd never have to wear the mask."

"Point. Didn't think about that. We do all have hidden personas in this business. Yours?"

He grinned. "Maybe some day I'll tell you." He walked off. "Harris went to the airport."

"I heard. Batman will be happy that his town's returning to normal." He went back to the alley to call that in and then follow the young guy around. They were about the same age. Maybe they could become friendly. "Have you ever heard about Droze? It's a local band," he said, catching up to him.

"No, I haven't. Are they rock or heavy metal? I don't think Gotham has anything beyond those and the symphony."

"They're a hard rock bad with cellos and violins. It's a pretty neat mashup." He let a song play on his phone, getting a grin and a nod for that. "Wanna trade music?"

"Okay!" He went with him to do that. It was a neat activity and fun. He got to hear a lot of new music.

***

The Joker pouted that night when he was robbing somewhere. "That bastard took my future toy and broke him," he complained to the shopkeeper. "I need to be happier than this. You're going to make me happy, right?" he asked with a grin.

"No," he said, shaking his head. "I've already done the bank drop. Sorry. We closed two hours ago. Should've come then." He nodded a bit, looking scared.

Someone walked in and sighed at the sight of what was going on. "All I wanted was a bottle of tea," she complained. She flicked a hand and the guy with the gun was now a toad. She got one and put two bucks on the counter. "Is that good enough?"

He nodded. "Sure," he agreed. "How did you do that?"

She grinned. "Magic. A bit of magic goes a long way." She picked up the toad, carrying him off. "Being such a poopyheaded moron of a clown means that I have to use some of my gifts to remind you that humans are good usually and it's always better to nurture them than to fall to an alien invasion," she told her toad.

"But I'll let you go later. Once you're not so wiggly and hopping." The toad moaned but did go still. "Good toad!" She petted him a few times. Then she banished him at Batman, letting the toad hit him in the face before she turned him back. "Toodles!" she called with a finger wiggle before disappearing again. Buffy had said the guy was an asshole. Maybe he'd learn better now.

Batman looked at the toad that just changed back to his enemy. "What did you do?"

"Some redheaded bitch in weird clothes," he complained as he got up. "She called me a poopyhead! She didn't even swear!"

Batman sighed but nodded. "That sounds like Rosenburg from the Council. She's their head witch."

The Joker quit brushing at his clothes, staring at him. "Seriously?" That got a nod. "Eww!" He stomped off. "This is worse than my toy being taken from me."

"Did you lose Harley again?" he joked.

"No! The other toy! That wannabe that made me work!"

"Harris?" he guessed.

"Yes, that one took out my toy on me!"

"Oh, all right." He nodded, looking amused. The Joker was having a hissy fit after being a toad. It was a night he was probably going to remember on his death bed. He'd check to see which 'toy' had been taken out in the morning. And if it had been *taken out* or 'taken out' by Harris. He sent out a line and zipped off to the next spot where he'd need to be watching over the city. Thankfully things were quiet again. Only the usual murderers, scum, and villains were out and about.

The End.

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