Xander was in front of the alien, staring up at it. "I remember your lesser member. You're just as ugly," he noted patiently. The alien glared at him. He stared back. The others had herded his other sections back to the main one over the last few days. So this was the last of the alien menace that had gotten him inconvenienced.
"You aren't getting anything from us. You should just float home since we all know that the ships are part of your actual form, not just something you created to make yourselves look like our media. We've debunked that and told everyone so no one's in awe of you."
The bottom of the 'ship' portion was trying to wiggle around some, like it was trying to change form but the rest wouldn't let it. The groups getting through all the problems around the bottom of that creature, which was about ten miles wide at the bottom, was battling the tentacles of foam it was sending out to stop anyone getting too close. Once they got to the main mass they could pour the virus on it and then run as it started to act.
"You do not know of us, human," it sneered.
"And yet, I helped capture the forward guard you sent." He shifted his stance, his hand on his crossbow. "You should go home. Before we decide to end you."
"You are puny, fleshy things. I am not. I can easily take over your form." It changed. Xander shot it a few times. She shrieked and changed back. "How dare you! You are unworthy!"
"Yay us." He smirked a bit. "You'd be shocked." He saw something come into view and stared. "Huh, that's interesting. You're wearing markings." He changed the bolt for one loaded with something else.
Someone behind him took the crossbow to use instead. "Let me. I'm the better shot, Xander."
He looked back. "If you want. That silver thing," he hissed. "I think it's a brain."
He nodded. "Okay." He waited, watching it fade in and out. He took aim and let the special bolt go to hit that thing when it reappeared. The being screamed. "Huh. Debraining didn't kill it."
"Which sucks. Things shouldn't be able to live without a brain, though much of Congress proves it can happen," Xander said. He got a text message that the others had delivered their payloads so handed his version loaded in a bolt back. "Want that?"
"Yeah, I want that." He took it to fire on that same silver thing and it screamed as it fled the planet. He handed back the crossbow. "You play annoyance and distraction very well."
Xander grinned. "Yes I do." They walked off together. "The other payloads were delivered," he announced to the staring press. "It can't come back." They heaved a sigh of relief. They faded back to DC to hold a small party for that being done with without the alien eating an entire city.
***
Xander was announcing his newest idea and project, which was a good one and everyone liked it even though they hated him.
"Sir?" a reporter asked at the end. "Are you dating one of the two guards we see you with all the time?"
He frowned. "Why would you ask that?"
"You are very friendly, you've taken them on dates."
"They've been there when I had dinner. They're guarding me for Flag." He frowned, looking confused. "Huh?"
She smiled. "It looks like they both could be dating you. Are you seeing one of them?" another asked happily. "We'd all like to see our single president have a good relationship."
"You guys have been in the funny drugs," he said. "Wow." He went back to his speech but was babbling and a bit off topic. His assistant coughed to bring him out of it. "Sorry, threw me for a second." He got back to the speech. Then he got driven to Flag's house to stare at those two. "Are we dating and I'm just that stupid?" he asked Christopher.
He looked confused. "What?"
"The reporters wanted to know if I'm dating you or Harley. They think we've went on dates?"
"We've been at dinners you had out in a hidden area, and you nicely made sure we ate." He looked confused back. "I don't think so. I've known you for a few years and I've never waited that long to take someone to bed."
Xander nodded. "Me either. Are we doing something that's putting off 'we're secretly dating' vibes?"
"Maybe. You and me?"
"You, me, and Harley."
He blinked a few times. "Wellllllll....." He sighed then shrugged. "I have no idea." He grinned. "I'm pretty sure I'm straight, unless there's no other options. You definitely need someone who'll make you scream like you make others scream." Harley bounced in. "The reporters asked if we're all together as a trio?"
She frowned. "What?"
"They think we've been on actual dates," Xander told her. "I know it's been over a decade since I got my woo on but I don't think we've had dates, have we?"
She frowned. "I mean, the dinners were us guarding you and you nicely making sure we ate too." She considered it. "Then again I haven't been on a regular, normal person date since college."
"Yeah, my last one was a double date with Oz and Willow to go steal artillery to use on the unkillable demon in a mall," Xander admitted. "Probably my best date ever but that was high school."
She stared at him then shook her head with a sigh. "You really are Squad, Xander. All you need is a villain name and costume."
"Well, some of the groups in Africa probably think I still am because I made them handle the problems in their areas. They told me I was evil. So did the slayers that I kept from going out with idiots and morons with STD's or ideas." He was frowning now. "I have no idea. My brain locked up at that question. I don't even know if I gave the rest of the speech." He slumped, staring at her. "You're a girl, don't you know that from some girl code class in junior high where they taught you about periods and guys being morons?"
"Guys weren't even covered in those. Just periods and stuff like childbirth. Which is icky."
Xander nodded. "I'm infertile thanks to the mermaid stuff anyway. And the stuff I caught in that tomb isn't passable sexually."
Peacemaker stared at him. "You're babbling." He grinned slightly. "You're really flustered, aren't you?"
"Yeah! I don't think I've gotten my woo on. I haven't asked the girls about how to do that for modern things. The last time I dated it was the late nineties. I feel like a really old guy suddenly." He stared at them.
She looked at her teammate, who shrugged. "I'm pretty sure I'm mostly straight unless there's no options," he said.
"I'm known to be bi, and so is Xander."
"Xander's more for stress relief," he admitted. "My last significant other was Anya and she didn't want to *date*. She just wanted a sugar daddy who was good in bed since she wanted seven orgasms a night."
Peacemaker stared at him. "How did you do that? I can't manage more than one."
"No, she taught him to get her off first and then get his," Harley said with a nod. "She called it orgasms. He was working full time, going on patrol, then home to her."
"Wow. I do not have that sort of stamina," he told them. "I'm good but I'm not superhuman there."
"Me either," Harley said. "My limit's maybe three in the past. And cuddling. Cuddling is mandatory for me."
Christopher nodded. "Yeah it can be if you're serious and not paying for it."
Xander shrugged. "Sometimes that's your only option. It's either fuck out the stress or die from it. I'm seriously the weird one among us. Huh. Proves Buffy was wrong since she thought I was normal. Often. Loudly at times."
Harley shut him up by kissing him to try that idea out and to stop the babbling going on. He moaned and gripped her hips and she whined into it, but it was good. It felt good. It felt almost pure in a way. She hadn't felt like that since before she had taken up with her former boyfriend. She pulled back, opening the eyes she hadn't realized she had closed. "Wow." He grinned at that. "Go kiss him."
"I... Sure if he wants. I'm all about consent."
Christopher pulled him over to kiss him just as hard. "We're screwed," he moaned at the end. "That felt nice."
"Yeah, it did. With both of you," Xander admitted, looking at her. She came over to hug them both. "I...."
"We'll figure it out in a few days," Harley admitted. He looked down at her. "There's got to be a few talks if it's not just something fast, Xander. Things like our no-go list."
"Biting," Peacemaker said with a shudder.
"I feel that way about being tied down, it brings up bad memories," Xander admitted quietly. "Damn vampires."
She looked up at him again. "Do you mind doing it to others?"
"I'm not excellent at it but no."
She grinned. "Because I don't mind either of those."
The guys stared at her and she smirked. "That's good to know," Peacemaker agreed. He let them rest against him. "So how do we do this?"
"I don't know, Chris," Xander said. "How do we do this without the whole white house giving us odd looks?"
"I personally don't care about them," Harley said.
Chris nodded. "Me either. If they think I'm hot, I'm okay with that. They know we're dangerous enough to be one of your usual arm dealers and assassin dates." Xander snorted, shaking his head. They tried that kissing thing again and it was good.
Flag knocked then walked in. "Oh, good. I was hoping you guys were talking. Don't keep me up, people. Eww, I sounded like my father," he muttered as he walked off closing the door behind them. They were adults, they could work that out. Even if they did keep him up that night. Flag looked up from reading in bed, grimacing. "Great, she can squeal for things beyond her pet being cute." He sighed, putting on some music to cover up their noise.
Both other shooters who were on rotation right now were hiding in their own rooms to avoid the noise but snickering about who was doing it. They finally got to the point where they made Xander get noisy. They wouldn't ask why it took so long. No one was going to ask that question.
***
Faith was watching the news, her casted foot up on the coffee table, when the news people went to pure entertainment. "It appears we've prompted the president to actually consider the question we asked," she said happily, turning to her cohost. Her cohost smiled back in that brainless way they had.
"When one of us at the last press conference asked him if he was dating those two who usually guard him, he got very confused and flustered. Lost his train of thought totally." She beamed at the camera again. "Then we're told he went to talk to them. We knew there was something there. He actually lets those two handle his personal weapons."
The cohost blinked at her. "So he's dating a male and a female? Villains if I'm not mistaken?"
"Apparently. We asked because they have went on hidden dinners and things together. It was supposedly the president getting a few quiet minutes and making sure his guard team ate but maybe not. It definitely made him think. One of the Colonel's guards said they got quite loud that night." Faith was looking very confused at that news, but did text Giles to let him know Xander was apparently dating.
"Isn't he bothered by them being under sentences?"
"Colonel Flag has probably already gotten them pardons for putting up with the duty in DC roster," the main one said happily. "There's news of one. Besides, President Harris has been known to date some darker people. Warlords, arms dealers, a few assassins." Her cohost moaned at that, eyes wide. "We were told he doesn't really flirt but those who're not exactly nice are drawn to him. So apparently those two being up his alley, in a few ways, is right along with that."
"Hmm. He does let them help him with battles and weapons things. Plus the mini slayers do get to chase around those ones and the other guards at times."
"That's training," the main one said with a smile. "Teaching the future slayers how to chase and hunt."
"Ah," the cohost said with a smile. "Like that video where he was letting them chase him to the ice cream store?"
"Exactly." They shared a smirk because that was cute of him. "One of the minis did defend Miss Quinzel the other day from some protestor sort. She stopped him from complaining about Task Force X being up there and told him off that she was great to the mini slayers."
"Awwwww." The cohost smiled. "So we may see a white house wedding? Of some kind as a trio isn't really legal."
"No idea and no one's seen him to ask him about that. As the slayers said, he apparently got his woo on." She smiled at the camera again.
Faith changed the channel but they were covering Xander being out earlier with different guards than usual. None of the task force had been with him. You couldn't be dating your guard team so that explained part of it. Faith just sighed and found something less mind rotting than Xander dating someone for real.
The other news station was still on real news. "With the President putting Congress on the civil servant regulations, does that backhandedly support term limits?" the host asked the camera. "There's a mandatory retirement clause in most civil servant positions as far as I know. I've asked and most agencies do have one somewhere, even if they're not always upheld." He looked at his panel. "Could that be?"
They all nodded. "They would be following the code of conduct and regulations for all white house and congressional employees," one said. "Which has a mandatory retirement after 65 or twenty-five years."
The others nodded. "So yes, it is a term limit."
"How many are in violation of that?" the host asked casually.
"Eighty percent of congress," the third one said. The other two winced. "Most of them have been there for years, and in many cases were there for decades doing lesser jobs. It's time total in the group, not by job position. Some senators have been doing this for decades without prior service in the lower levels. There's a lot of senators who are in violation of the codes of conduct of Congressional Employees."
The host nodded. "Is that going to be good for the US?"
"It does leave us open to elect some people who are not all that good," the first one said.
The second nodded. "Some more extremist viewpoints on both sides could be brought in to fill the empty seats. Really, the ones currently in them need to pick who they want to succeed them and tell the rest of us. I know a few are up for election right now and they may not realize that they're in violation."
"Can we tell them?" the host asked.
"If we do, someone's going to get mad," the first guest said happily. "It could depend on when they're being enforced. If they're enforced today then there's a whole lot that are running that can't be elected. If it's not until after the election, they'll have to have run-offs which will tax the states."
"Did the president do this to get term limits?"
"No. The president has been noted as reading the Founding Father's works. Diaries, those things," the second said. "In one he was thinking about and noted to the congressional members who went to talk to him about that idea, they talked about the end of the Roman empire."
"He's seeing us on the slide down to that and is trying to stop it," the third said like he just realized that. "Oh, dear."
"Well, it did drag on," the host said. "For centuries."
"Called the Dark Ages," the first agreed. The others winced. "Harris has noted that he's worried that the world won't continue. Not only because of the slayers' duties but because we're all heading toward chaos. Doing this would mean we get a stable, well laid out, and regulated congress. Did the executive order note the Supreme Court is what I'm wondering."
The host's eyes went wide and he pulled up his copy. "Yes it does. This executive order clarifies that all three branches of government are in fact civil servants and shall be sworn to uphold the rules and regulations of the agency they work for. They are beholden to uphold all criteria for hiring new members and are required to use their pay scales instead of any special category." He looked up. "It goes on to mention which branch each one is under, including his, and the courts, yes." He let them see it.
"Then there's some seats open there," the third one said happily. "Because only two are under retirement age or time in from federal judicial service." All of them looked at his picture. "Being a federal judge is being in civil service as well. Or so I'd assume."
"It is," the host realized. "Oh, dear. The next president is going to have a lot of nominating to do."
"Are we seeing Colonel Flag running?" the first asked. "I haven't heard."
"I don't think either one is actually running," the host said. "Neither one's noted it and when taunted that no one would reelect the president for doing this, he said 'good'." They groaned. "Is that the will of the people? I do not know. I know there's three running for president right now against them."
The second one shook his head. "None of them will look on this with favor. Though it does give whatever political party takes over some advantages to nominate for the courts and agency heads."
"They fall under that too but the last ones weren't in service before then for the most part. Outside the Pentagon as far as I know," the host said, frowning some. "What's their retirement policy?"
"Die with your boots on," the first said. "As far as I know as long as you're fit for battle. Many retire after twenty years but it's not unheard of to go thirty years."
The host nodded. "So we're going to have to talk to someone about that, won't we? We can do that later this week."
"They need to talk to someone about those rules," the third one said. Then he snickered. "Harris was always said to be the entertainment of a few chaos gods when he was in Africa helping and training the slayers. I think we're seeing some of that."
"But for the right reasons. It'll make us steadier and the positions less about your wallet and more about you being idealistic and wanting the job to do the job," the first said. "Which he noted he wanted and expected. His idea for the election pots?"
"Many actually like that because it does put the lower incomed politicians on a more equal footing. Plus it would mean ads don't go as long before the election. They can still spend their own money as far as I know. I have not read that one yet." He pulled up that bill's copy. "No, no personal money. You can only spend your allotment from the pot. Interesting."
"So an equal footing even if you're on welfare or if you're a millionaire," the third one said with a nod. "It's inspired. What about the three states that are threatening to sue over that?"
"President Harris looked at the governor for Texas and told him if he wanted to secede, like he threatened to do, to give them a year's timeline so they had time to work out a property exchange so those who didn't want to go could sell to those who did, to do the agreements over how they'd rent the military bases from them at what rates, and they'd have to work out how to do a few cities that didn't probably want to join them."
The first guest smiled. "He was sure if Texas wanted to become their own religious country, a lot of people would like to go live there by their rules. The ones who don't we'd have ample opportunity to help them move. Afterwards they'd have immigration rules for easy access he said."
"Is that why that governor came out of talking to him at the white house looking horrified?" the host asked.
"Yes," the first one agreed smugly. "President Harris waxed poetic about how that'd work for his people that wanted to have a evangelical law book and the rest of them could deal without that. Which is true, many would actually like that. Then they could make that the great country they want this one to be."
The host shot his image a dirty look. "What about the properties?"
"Harris said a property exchange so you wouldn't get the plummeting housing prices that we'd expect in such a situation. So if someone in North Dakota or Montana wanted to join them, they could switch ranches with someone down there somehow. Or buy property that was on that specialty exchange. It'd be outside the real estate process."
The host sighed. "That's complicated."
"So is letting them out of the Union," the second host said. "It's not a bad way of handling that. It'd minimize the problems. Doing it like Brexit was supposed to happen means that they'd get a lot of agreements out of the way. Especially the military because those bases are US government property right now and the state would have to lease them back if they kept them open."
The host sighed. "We'd lose that bottom border."
"Texas has complained that they're doing it all on their own anyway," the second one said. "Economically I don't think the state of Texas could become a self supporting country. I have no idea what would happen if they figure out it wasn't working."
"Those sort might make it work just to spite us," the first one said.
The third nodded. "They could very well do that, yes. Back to the first topic for a minute? Do state governments fall under that order? They're not federal civil servants but they should probably be considered that way of the state government."
The host thought about it then went back to that order's words. "I do not see anything about the states. No, here in the last paragraph it states it is up to the states about their own civil servants in their own branches of government." He looked up. "So if they wanted to be. Apparently they can decide that themselves."
"Would the senators being picked by their state legislatures be counted as state employees or federal?"
"Federal once they're in the job," the host said. "I asked that to a legal expert earlier and he said that would be pushed up to a federal employee. Like judges are."
That got a nod from them. "So each state can decide if they're going to do that themselves."
The first guest smiled. "People have been yelling for term limits since the late seventies. They got their wishes granted in an odd way."
The host smirked at him. "We have to wait and see on that as it goes through the courts."
"Who cannot decide on their own cases when it involves their duties," the first said. "So unless congress vetoes it....."
"Which they can't do. Can they?"
"No." The second shook his head. "They do not have the three-quarters majority to do that. Many of them see the point of that. Or if they do bring it to the courts they'll have to call a special court from non-federal level judges to hear it. There's provisions about cases against the government that would impact the Supreme Court. Plus he is going on what the Founding Fathers wrote and wanted apparently. The originalists on the Courts are going to have to see that since it's in their own writings."
The host nodded. "Have they called for that sort of court?"
"Yes. Though many are lawyers in Congress they may not realize that need. A few have," the third agreed. "They called for one to be started just for this case and issue."
The host nodded. "So it's something to pay attention to."
"Definitely," the first guest agreed. "And the state's issues with it." That got another group nod.
"Well, we'll see then," the host said, looking at the camera again. "Now, onto less weird news...."
Faith turned the channel, nodding. "Chaos for the forces of good. Yup. Works for us."
***
"Colonel," a reporter, chasing after him. Bloodsport turned to glare at her. "Have you noted that the special court needed for that executive order has been formed?" she called.
He blinked. "I know nothing about the court system," he admitted. "But I have heard there is one. The Counsel is armed with all of Xander's reasoning and statements from the Founding Fathers' writings. I made sure they knew which came from which because Xander had a sudden thought of them not allowing certain statement because they didn't have it noted which book it came from. So if it's formed, then he's ready."
"Will it stand?" the reporter asked.
Rick Flag nodded. "I hope so. It does need to be done so we have less people who squat in seats for the status instead of wanting to do the real work of congress."
"What about the ones who want to charge the president with treason for acting against the US constitution?"
Flag snorted, shaking his head. "You can't get much more with the needs of the country than the words the Founding Fathers wrote themselves. And frankly, it's not treason if it's solving a whole lot of issues. Like the dark money problem in politics. Or the squatting in a seat that could be held by someone who wants to do something for the country."
"Is the Pentagon's people under the same authority?"
"They have their own rules," he said dryly. "I've already noted to them that I do support this and why. They agreed and most do fit under that retirement regulation."
"What about the Supreme Court?"
"Being a federal level judge is civil service as well," Rick said. "How many are over the twenty-five years of service rules?"
"I think all but two or three."
He nodded. "Then maybe it's time they can't squat there forever too."
"I...." The reporter swallowed but nodded. "Is the president actually dating those two?"
"They've talked about that stuff a few times. Whatever they're doing they're happy with at the moment. That takes a lot of getting to know each other." He walked off. "I'm off for a quiet dinner so I can get away from you guys and stress."
"Thank you, Colonel." She sent that in and went to sit in her car to think about that. It was really an inspired plan to fix a few things.
***
The senators against that order stomped out of the courthouse, ignoring all the reporters. The white house counsel came out looking happier with the president beside him and guards around them. None of the task force though. People were noticing that lack and wondering if Flag had decided not to protect him because they didn't need to solve an invasion again. The reporters ran up to talk to them about what the courts said.
The counsel smiled. "We won, they'll be putting out the official notice later, people." He walked around the reporters. Xander took the other side of them, smiling at a few. He felt something and looked up then moved two reporters by pouncing them out of the way. He still got shot but it was in the thigh instead of the chest. "Oh, shit. The president's been shot!"
Xander looked at his leg then nodded once. "I need to fuck someone up." He got up, holding his injury to keep the bleeding down. "Come out and do it to my face, coward! Right the hell now!" He didn't care what the cameras showed later, this was not allowed to happen.
"Sir!" a guard yelled, going for him. "Don't taunt the psychotic ones!"
"Bullshit! He wants to kill me he can be man or woman enough to face me. Doing it from a distance is a pitiful excuse in this case. So bring it on." He shifted his stance and his hold on his thigh. "C'mon then if you're coming." He spotted him and stared that way. "C'mon. I can see your ass."
The guard looked and called that in. The guy tried to shoot him again but Xander shot him back as he moved him and the guard. "Mother fuckin' newbie," he snorted. "Okay, let's get me stitched up. I need to kick that guy's ass to see why he did that and who paid him."
"That's our job!" the guard said, sounding a bit frantic. The paramedics finally got there and rushed up. "It's in his thigh!"
Xander looked at him. "Why are you panicking? I'm the one that got shot."
"Sir! You got shot! That means I failed!"
"You weren't aware there was someone on the building. That's not your fault or your failure." He went with the paramedics. The other Secret Service agents were going for the shooter he had injured.
The Counsel was calling others to let them know. "He's alive, he's complaining loudly, and soothing the agent's nerves," he reported. He sighed. "Tell the Colonel." He hung up and looked at the reporters. "We'll see what's going on this time. It may have nothing to do with this."
***
Xander woke up grimacing. "They didn't have to knock me out."
"Yes they did," Peacemaker said, staring at him. "I'm really sorry about my dad, Xander."
Xander stared at him. "Was that a quit sullying my son's image?"
"Yeah." He nodded. "I'm going to kill him again. He left a time delayed kill order on whoever I was dating if they weren't worthy with his racist buddies. Who I will be having a talk with."
"Let me? We need to have a talk." He grinned.
"No. Harley's ex pouted online in a video that you said you'd be better to her than he ever was. She's crying about that. You can soothe her while I have that talk with my father's buddies."
"Yeah, I taunted him when he had me hostage." He nodded. "Told him I'd make her happier, safer, and more loved that he did or something."
"He cut in that film too. He's drunk. At least on the video. He realized you're a bit more nuts than he is apparently. He can't compete with you for her affections."
"Is she okay?" He sat up. "I can go cuddle if she wants." He tried to get up but his boyfriend stopped him. "I'm fine. We've both had worse than this."
"Not really."
"Well, I have. This doesn't even match up to the pain of starting to turn into a merman." He sat up again. "I'm fine to go rest on the couch."
"Flag's livid. He went on the news to say if this caused him to take the big desk he was going to end everyone involved by hand."
"I can lend him my axe."
His boyfriend hung his head and sighed, shaking it. "You're being dense on purpose."
"Not really. Still a bit fuzzy headed from the drugs though. Is this a we're breaking up?"
"No. I'm fighting the urge to mug you outside for the cameras though."
"If you want." He grinned. "If either of you want. I'm not hiding you. You're probably the best person I've dated since high school."
"Probably." He pushed him back down. "You get out in the morning."
"I'm fine to go rest on the couch. We all know they hate me here because of the demon blood exposure," he said more quietly.
"Oh, yeah, they freaked out greatly. Two doctors quit their jobs instead of fixing the wound." Xander nodded he had seen that before. "You're still in here until tomorrow because it's easier to guard you in here than it is at the white house."
"I can go camp on your bed."
Peacemaker considered that. "Maybe. We still have to talk about a few things."
"Someone asked me if I called you by your name or your use name in bed," Xander quipped.
"That would be freaky. Thanks for not doing that." He grinned a bit. "You still have to stay. Flag ordered me to make you stay tonight so they could make sure you're not going to infect."
Xander sighed. "I hate hospitals. The last time I was in one I had some fever in Africa. The nuns were nice enough but still mean."
"Not something I've had either." He sat on the foot of the bed, patting Xander's knee. "Relax. I'm on guard. The press has been going nuts that you haven't had one of us on your guard team recently. They asked Flag if he had withdrawn us because your use was done."
"You guys have all had major issues. Everyone's injured. You two and I are dating so he wouldn't let you do it. I know that."
"Reporters, Xander. They're making drama."
Xander sighed but nodded. "Of course they are." He got another pat. A nurse came in. "I really can go nap at home or somewhere safe so you guys aren't put at risk."
"You're fine, President Harris," she said patiently. "You can go home in a few days."
"We were told in the morning," Peacemaker said. She tried to hit him with a needle but he shot her non-fatally. "Huh." He nodded. "I think she was at Waller's center."
Xander got up. "That's a great reason to go nap in a bed." He got helped into shorts and a t-shirt plus sneakers, and handed crutches. "Bit chilly but this'll work." He walked out with his boyfriend protecting him. "The nurse tried to sedate my boyfriend," he told the one at the desk. She winced at that. "So she's unfortunately down." He hopped past there, heading out. The guards outside ran over to surround them. "The nurse, guys. Find out who she was," he said.
"We'll do that in a minute, sir. Which house are you going to?"
"Nice hotel?" Xander suggested, looking at the boyfriend. "Neutral territory?"
"That works. Plenty of security teams to augment yours." He got Xander into his car and walked around to drive. "I've got it, guys. Follow." They nodded, going to do that. "Flag's going to scream at me."
Xander grinned. "I got pushy. Blame me."
"Of course I can. He'll still yell at both of us."
"I'll sleep through it." He yawned, leaning against the door. "Why is there an eagle on the trunk?"
"Eagley. He likes to sit on the perch I put back there instead of inside the car. I leave it up to him."
"Oh, okay. Does it get along with Brucie?"
"Not really." He got them to a nice upscale hotel and let Xander check them in. The security team showed up to help that and made sure Xander had what he'd need. They smuggled the eagle in. "You rest," he said, tucking him in. "I'll tell Harley we're here."
"Okay." He rested for now. He had good guards with his lovers.
Harley showed up before he could call. "Rick's really mad that nurse got that close to him," she said as she breezed in and slammed the door behind herself. Bruce hopped up on the bed to nuzzle Xander and cuddle him. "Awww." She took pictures then looked at him. "You good?"
"She tried to stab me with a needle."
She kissed him gently. "It'll be okay. All the weirdness will stop. Even my ex's weirdness will stop."
He grinned. "I saw the video. You okay?"
"I'm fine." She flapped a hand. "Want to go beat his ass but that'll be a later roadtrip." She climbed in on Xander's free side. "I can make Bruce lay on our heads if you want to cuddle."
"I'm still fighting the urge to fly home and beat my father's group to death."
She giggled. "Bloodsport and Deadshot are playing poker to see which one gets them for you."
"I really should do that myself."
"You can bring them. The head of the SS said that we're supposed to be guarded too."
"Yeah but I hate the prison," he muttered.
"Not that way." He nodded, laying down behind her. Xander was surrounded, she was surrounded, it was good.
He'd take the middle spot later. Even if the hyena did lean over to lick his face for him. "Thanks, Bruce." He petted him gently. Eagley settled on the headboard and watched to make sure no one else broke in to bother his human.
***
The news that night was filled with reporters wondering where the president had gone to rest. Was he at Camp David? Was he at the White House, or at the VP's house with Colonel Flag? Was he holed up somewhere with his lovers? Could he be with the mini slayers?
That one was solved by the house mom, the former senior girl in the area, coming out to nag them about bothering the minis and how they would've fussed at Xander until he hid from them so he wasn't there. The minis hated seeing anyone injured because they expected to be that hurt in the future doing their duty so no one injured was allowed near them. The reporters retreated from there and went to the white house.
The press secretary sighed as she walked into the press room. "The president is fine. His thigh was easily closed. He checked himself out of the hospital after a nurse tried to attack a member of the task force who was on his guarding. He's fine."
"Here?" one called.
"No. They wanted somewhere quiet."
"Camp David?"
"Hotel," she said. "They went to a hotel." That got a nod from everyone. "I can only imagine he's trying not to be babied for daring the assassin to come shoot him to his face." They groaned at that. "In other news," she said, handing over the decision. "That is from the special court."
She smiled. "He was correct to note that are regular civil servants." They took that to go over and film. "The president isn't out of contact. Someone can still get hold of him. The Colonel is livid and beating a few heavy bags to death today."
"Any idea who ordered someone to shoot him?" one of the worst reporters in the room asked.
She nodded. "We have an idea. The Secret Service hasn't said more than they're pretty sure and going for them. They're trying to get there before his son does."
"Harris' father?" that one asked.
"That one died in Sunnydale."
"Oh." He grimaced. "Harley Quinn's father?"
"Foster father? No." The reporter pouted. The press secretary smiled at the others, who were going to ask questions about the decision. "It does leave it up to the states to follow suit or not. It does settle the question of states that send their senators by legislative order. It does settle the matter of the Supreme Court as well if you notice. Government service and civil service are synonymous and on the same employee schedule and rules.
"That did also clarify that the current senators who are running for reelection need to see how much time they have left before they reach mandatory retirement. It will matter in state elections and making states have a run-off in a year isn't really nice to their states. It's up to them about how they handle it, or their state's laws. Have a better night, people, and I'll tell the president you wished him well." She left them to talk.
That bad reporter looked at the others. "Was she hinting that it was the one guy's father? Does anyone even know who he is?"
"Peacemaker?" one of the older reporters said dryly. "Yes, we do know who he is. Could it have been his father? Possibly. Not sure yet." She left to go talk to her people at the station.
***
In their hall, the Justice League watched all that and Batman sighed. "At least he's happy with them," he said when people kept glancing at him. "Harris deserves a great love of his life and if Peacemaker and Harley Quinn do that, I'm fine with that. It'll probably mean they're not busy in my city. Or that Xander will show up there to retire." Superman smiled at that. "He could."
"The slayers," Superman told him. "Would the minis be safe?"
"We can only hope so," Batman complained. He leaned back in his chair. "Thankfully no one's nationalized us like they did in other countries." The others nodded at that. "Are we looking at riots tonight?"
"I hope not. Maybe a few prayer vigils," Superman offered.
The Flash looked at him. "Very few. The rigid faith sort hate Harris for dealing with demons." He looked at the others. "We may have to plan for after the national election." That got a few nods. "Do we think they'll vote them in again like last time?" Batman nodded once at that but slowly.
"Did he really tell Texas to secede?" Superman asked.
"Yes," Batman quipped smugly. "Told him how they'd have to handle the transfer and all that. He based it on the problems Brexit had."
Superman sighed. "That's going to complicate things."
The Flash shook his head. "I'm agreeing, let them go."
"Fine. We each have our own thoughts about the political process. Have we checked to see if there's other prices on the president's head?"
"Nineteen, two started today by a governor and a mayor," Batman said. "I don't know why they haven't been arrested yet but the Secret Service has been squirrely. Any problems around the slayer houses?"
"That one Task Force X girl, Ratcatcher? She's defended the main house a few times today with her army of rats," Wonder Woman said. "I have no idea how she does that."
Batman nodded. "Me either. It's good she's protecting the slayers though. The usual attacking them?"
"Yahoos in pickup trucks," she said. "Mad that girls are protecting them."
Batman nodded. "Great." He looked at the others, who sighed but went to check on the slayers near them. He went back to Gotham and went to rest his headache. Harris really could retire to Gotham with his lovers and the minis. It would cause him so many problems.
The boys would try to be overprotective of the minis. One of the villains would get near the minis and Harris would destroy the whole city if they managed it. He didn't need that level of problems. He had to talk to his proteges about what to do if they did move here.
***
Xander came back to the white house alone, nodding at the guard on the door. Who winced. "It's fine. They're off handling that group of assholes who decided to fulfill his father's last decree that his son had to die." He limped into his office, nodding at Flag. "I'm back."
Rick stared at him. "You're not Xander."
"I am Xander."
"You're not Xander. He's in bed, sleeping off the sex." He tapped the top of a monitor. "We have a camera in the room now." The demon changed back. "Nice try though. Limping on the wrong leg. What brought this attempt on?
"We thought the Knight might've died."
"Nope. Though I'm going to get him for daring the assassin to come down to get him in person." He stared at the demon. "He's fine. They're babying him nicely. Even Harley's hyena and Chris's eagle are babying him. Even when he complains."
"Awww. Fine. Let us know if you need our help." He disappeared.
Flag shook his head quickly but checked the camera before getting back to the paperwork. He beeped Harley's phone when he saw the curtain opening. She swatted it before sitting up and throwing a knife at the guy coming in. He fell backwards out of the window. She huffed and Xander cuddled her for it. Rick shook his head. It was mushy but so very them. He did send them a message about that imposter. Xander sent back that he'd thank them later. It might even forgive a poker debt for it.
***
Xander came back with the lovers, nodding at the same guard on the door.
"Sir, hold on please. You were here earlier and limping on the other leg."
"That was one of my poker buddies," Xander said. "He was going to pretend to be me for a bit in case I died again."
"Again?" they asked, staring at him.
"Yeah, when I had some sort of fever in Africa. They restarted me fairly fast." He shrugged. "Buffy got creeped out by it. She could tell if someone had died thanks to how many times she did and came back. She can tell rebirths too."
"Seriously?" Christopher asked, staring at him.
"Seriously and probably the first of two if I'm honest and willing to talk about it but the PTB had to revive me on that battlefield or lose humanity." He stared at him then grinned. "I'm fine. That one was a stab wound that did get infected." He looked at the guard. "Go get the medics, they can verify within five minutes thanks to the stuff in my blood."
That guard called that in and the medic did the blood test, which did come up with him being himself. "See?" He grinned. "But good work being a guard!" He nodded. "C'mon, guys. The office probably needs a visit before the people box and the bed." Both pets followed him with the two humans behind them.
The guard sighed, looking at the medic. "Which one has the eagle?" the medic asked quietly.
"Probably the guy. The hyena's definitely hers. He's pet sat before." That got a nod and he went back inside. The guard reported how that had worked out and his boss was not amused but the Secret Service didn't really want to deal with shape shifters anyway. That was some guy in a cape's job.
***
The head of the DNR showed up again, staring at the eagle in the oval office and the hyena. "Sir, that's a restricted animal to own for anyone."
"I've had him since he was little," Peacemaker said. "He's housebroken and I've got a tarp under the perch Xander freaked us out by building for Eagley." He smirked when the man looked at him. "We were both kids and kinda grew up together."
"They're not supposed to be in civilian hands. It's illegal and even zoos have a hard time getting permission to house injured eagles, sir."
Xander looked up at him. "Separating them is mean."
"It would be," he sighed with a nod. "I...." He looked at the eagle, who flew over to his human's head to sit on top of it, getting petted while he read something. "Have you let someone in a zoo or a conservation group have sperm from him for biological diversity reasons?" he asked.
"I have not been asked to but I definitely would as long as it wouldn't hurt him."
"I'll talk to the National Zoo about getting some soon. He might have to be sedated for an hour or so?"
"He's been injured in the past and treated."
"That's fine then. That way they can both get health checks?" he said, giving Harley a pointed look.
"He's had his shots." She smiled. "Though he probably needs a new rabies one because it's been at least a year."
"That'll be reasonable. I'll talk to them and let you know." He left to go to the National Zoo's office, sighing as he walked in. "The president's two lovers have illegal pets that they've had for too long to separate them without problems." The head of the zoo stared at him. "Dr. Quinzel has a hyena." The zoo director sighed but nodded. "The other one has an eagle."
"Oh, dear."
"They grew up together he said." That got a nod. "But I did mention you guys being able to take some sperm for later use. He said no one had asked and he wasn't against that. He said his eagle has had to be treated in the past and did okay. Dr. Quinzel said that her hyena has had rabies shots in the past but it's been over a year."
"We can do that and give them good exams. Are they both males?"
"I believe so."
"We can talk to them about getting sperm for later use on both." He smiled. "I'll be there later today?"
"His assistant said he's not busy today."
"Thank you for letting us know."
"Welcome." He left to go talk to his people. It was an odd situation but it'd do more harm than good to remove them from the human's care.
***
Harley and Christopher were waiting and watching while their animal friends were checked over by the zoo's vets and sperm was taken. "What are they doing?" he asked quietly.
"That's a violet wand thingy and it's massaging his prostate to make him spurt like a hero." She stroked his back. "It won't hurt him."
"Good. I don't want him in pain later." They took the sperm to another lab to check over and gave the reversal drugs. They went in to gather them, both animals huffing at their humans. "I know," he soothed. "But they wanted you to give egg stuff into a cup." He petted him, letting the eagle choose his own perch.
"On falcons they have to use a special hat and let them mate with the hat," one of the vets said. "He's in good shape. His x-ray did show the prior injuries but they did heal well." Peacemaker smiled and nodded. "Bruce's health is good but he is getting old, Dr. Quinzel."
"Do I have to change his diet somehow? I usually get him raw meat."
"That's good for him. For both of them." He nodded at that too. "They're both getting a bit old but they should last at least another five years we think. They look like they've had a good, long, healthy life."
"Sometimes Bruce gets to go chase squirrels in the park," she said. "It's fun but I make him quit chasing the hotdog guy. He gives me a discount for it."
He wouldn't comment on that. "That's excellent of you, ma'am. For right now, let them go nap in their favorite beds. They'll want to eat in a few hours." They nodded, taking their pets to the car and then home. The vet went to talk to the staring director. "They've done a good job."
"I can tell. The hyena curled up like a housecat."
"I asked, there was an illegal importer of exotics but she freed the other ones to be taken by the Gotham zoo when they found them wandering around."
He nodded. "That does not surprise me any. If they're injured we can easily take care of them?"
"Yes. They're good, healthy pets. They'll never be releasable." He nodded, going to make notes. She made her own notes and it was good for everyone. Though a lot of people would hate an eagle in captivity.
***
Xander came to the zoo that night, hugging both lovers. "What happened?"
"Where's your crutches?" Harley asked, staring at him.
"Back at the office. I can't move easily with them." He looked at the other one. "Chris, what happened?" he asked gently.
"Some agents. He'll be fine. They'll both be fine. Eagley ripped someone's face off. Literally. It was gross but nice of him to do for me."
Xander cuddled him. "If they're still around I'll be helping end them."
He cuddled back. "No, they're not around. Bloodsport had a fit. Which I appreciated." Harley hugged him and Xander pulled her between them. She was shorter and fit nicely between them to both hug Chris.
Xander looked over at the cleared throat. "How are they?"
"They're fine. Both are fine. The hyena has a broken foot, but we're not going to cast it. We have taped it and he needs to lay around for a few weeks."
Harley looked around their arms, nodding. "Of course he can!"
"Good. Soft foods just in case he's too sore to want to go for elimination walks." She nodded. "The eagle," she sighed. She noticed the tension. "He's fine. He's a bit more bruised. He's lost a few feathers, but he's not got any broken wing bones or any others. He might have a slight concussion; he's got a head tilt to the left and we think it's that instead of real damage. Again, few weeks of quiet resting."
"I can do that," he said, getting free. "Can we go back to the white house now?"
"Yes. They're ready to go. We've given them a good dose of painkiller that slowly wears itself out."
"I know Brucie's had drugs," Harley said. "He ate one of Montoya's loritabs after she had an injury last year. She said he tripped balls."
The vet tech nodded. "Probably a bit too strong for him but we do have some pet safe ones." She handed over a bottle. "They can each have one smashed into soft food if they're in pain." They nodded. Xander put it into his pocket. "Come get them so they can go on couch rest." They came in to get the pets, Xander going with them.
Someone tried to stop them but Xander glared as a sword came off his back, and the agents fled for their lives. "I need to form an army of cannibal imps," he muttered, getting in to drive.
"Can they be an army?" Harley asked. She was in the back to pet both pets. Bruce had a cushion that had a seatbelt hitch built into it. Eagley had a perch that was hitched down to the car seat hooks under the seat to keep him safe.
"Yeah, they come out in clan groups usually. So technically an army."
"Huh. Didn't know that," she said quietly. "Do they eat the whole thing?"
He shot a grin back at her at a stop light. "Don't ask. You'll throw up." He started to move the car but then stopped at the sudden pain in his head. Behind him people honked but then a car tried to hit them from the front. Xander and Christopher both shot at the tires and they tried to drive off but didn't make it. King Shark was there to greet them. Xander grinned and waved. "Thanks, dude!"
"Welcome," he called back. "Colonel said to call him."
"Yup, once we get back." He drove them back to the white house, with a stop at an exotic pet shop. "Go get treats, guys. They deserve good treats."
"They probably have live mice," Christopher said as he got out, going inside. Harley followed to get Bruce treats.
Xander turned to look back at pets. "They're getting you two nummy things." He reached back but Bruce growled. "Okay, you can do that." He quit reaching back to pet him. Harley came out to get his wallet and went back inside but that was what he expected girlfriends to do. The duo came back and Harley got back into the back, weathering the growling. "He's not happy."
"I know that feeling from past injuries." She handed him something to gnaw on and that made him a happier hyena. They got back to the white house and Xander lifted Bruce, getting growled at. "Hey," she warned. "He's taking you to the couch. Behave, Brucie." Xander pulled up some of the hyena taint to stare at him until he quit. "What did that?"
"Hyena possession." He grinned at her, carrying the heavy thing to the living room couch. Bruce laid down with his treats and his mommy cooing and petting him. Eagley got his new perch that Xander had copied from the one downstairs and settled in to eat a few mice his human had gotten him. Xander cooked dinner.
Flag showed up. "You said you'd call."
"I forgot." Xander shrugged. "The agents today?"
"Dead when I find them."
"Get in line," Harley quipped with a sweet smile. "Me first."
Flag stared at her but nodded. "If you get there first."
"Point." She went back to petting the poor baby. The minis ran in as a group and pounced her to hug then Christopher.
"Thanks, ladies. Big problems?" he asked.
"We heard you got a booboo from bad guys being idiots," one said with a grin. "You needed the hug."
"I don't mind hugs, just warn me first please. That way I don't react to sudden grabbing." They nodded and split off to hug all four adults in there. Flag did give good hugs. The girls switched between the adults to get them all, even though Xander did have his helping him chop vegetables.
One of the girls brought over the dishes Xander had made for the pets. "Here you go, Brucie," she cooed, letting him sniff it. "Nummies?" She put it down and kissed him on the head, getting a growl. "Awww, you got owwies too."
"He's not in the mood to cuddle," Harley warned.
"I don't cuddle pets. They never like full hugs." She petted his ears, settling beside him. The hyena stared at her. She grinned. "Cute girls make others feel better and the world a happier place," she quipped. "You eat." She moved the plate closer. The hyena huffed but the girls did this to him sometimes.
"Ewww, a mouse!" one shrieked and jumped up Flag's back to cling to it. "Gross! Xander!"
"Eagley, she thinks your dinner is creepy," Christopher said with a head shake and a smile. "Eagley eats mice, dear."
"Eww! Can't he have burgers?"
"They like live meat. Both pets do but they put up with chopped up raw stuff," Harley said.
That one looked around the big shoulder at her. "Can you catch that one so he can eat it sooner? Mice are gross and they nibble on us. I woke up to one sitting on my chest trying to decide if I was food when I was little."
Harley nodded, getting up to grab the mouse. "I don't like mice either, kids." She let Eagley take it from her fingers. "There you go, boy." She petted over his head while he scarfed the live food. "There's another three when you want them." She sat back down. The girls all relaxed and cuddled some more. They were good at it. "Why else are you guys over tonight? It's later than usual for you to come as a horde."
"Mina had to hit someone with a frying plan," Sidra said with a grin. "So we ran up here just in case."
Xander stared at her, dropping the wooden spoon he had just broken. "Really?" The girls nodded, eyes wide. "Let me go check on Mina. You guys guard what's mine and the pets." They nodded, making Rick sit down so they could cuddle him better. Xander went into the bedroom and came out in his older tactical pants, his battle vest, a t-shirt, and boots. He was clearly armed and his axe was on his back in the holder.
Christopher started to get up but the girls pushed him back down. "You don't want to see it if Xander has to make a mess," one told him. "Like he did during battles and neither do we."
"I could go back him up. He's got that thigh injury."
The girls shook their heads. "Nope," they said together. "He'll get mad. He did in Africa. Faith said so," the group assured him.
Harley stared at them oddly. "How do you guys know?"
"She told us that," the one petting Bruce said.
The two anti-heros and one colonel shared a look. Flag started to get up. "Ladies, that's my job to back him up." He called it in when the girls wouldn't let him move. "It's Flag. Xander went to find out why Slayer Mina had to hit someone with a frying pan. Armed. Heavily armed. Go back up the president. They're not letting me." He hung up.
One of the minis stood up to bounce in front of him. "Can we meet the fishy guy you have on your team? He seems nice."
"He is pretty okay," he agreed. "That's King Shark."
"Oooh. Can we?" she begged. "We'll be nice to him."
"He's real gentle, girls," Harley warned. "Ask Ratcatcher to introduce you. They're buddies."
"Okay!" the group cheered. They liked talking to her when they were at the main Council house and liked to pet her rat friends with her too.
That bouncy one pouted at Rick. "We're always nice to the peaceful community, Colonel."
"I know you are," he said with a nod and a grin. "I don't think he is. I think he's just been mutated somehow."
"Oh." The girls shared a look and nodded. "We really need to push for more environmental help sometimes," that one told the others, who nodded. "It's socially responsible of us." The girls squealed and pounced the adults again to take their minds off the scary bad guy back at the slayer house. After all, adults got bad thoughts too often.
Christopher looked at Flag. "Was that like his uniform?"
"Apparently. He wore it in Africa for battles usually."
He nodded. "I remember the one with the leather pants."
"Those are special," Sidra, the oldest of the girls, said with a grin. "They were a gift from Druscila, who was a vampire but also a seer and thought Xander was like her dark kitty cat."
Harley blinked, looking at them. "What?" They settled in to tell them about the stuff they had heard about her and Spike. It kept the adults out of bad idea land for longer until Xander could get back. If he wasn't arrested for it.
***
Xander got driven back about two that morning and stomped in, nodding at the guards. "The girls can sleep over today and tomorrow while the blood's cleaned up. And if we hear more rumors about morons who want to rip a slayer apart to see how she's put together, let me know," he growled.
"Yes, sir," the guard said, shrinking away from him. "They're having a sleepover in your living room."
"They've done that before for movie night." He went up there, recleaning his axe head. Christopher leaned to look out of the bedroom at him. Xander grinned. "Someone wanted an experimental project," he said, pointing at the girls cuddled around Bruce on the floor. "Sucks to be them."
"Come to bed once the axe is clean, Xander."
"She's mostly cleaned. I just need to use a cleaning wipe to make sure." He stepped around the girls to hit the bathroom for the cleaning kit to finish cleaning his axe. He checked, he hadn't used his guns and they were still clean so they got put into his safe then he stripped down to go to bed. "They're safer again."
"Next time, invite me." He cuddled Xander while Harley got his back. Xander nuzzled his chest a few times then licked his throat. "Not with the kids out there," he moaned, tipping his head back.
"Only if we can be very quiet," Xander agreed with a grin. He snuggled in and let himself drift off again.
"Great, now I've got to sleep while hard," he mumbled. Harley reached around to handle that for him. "Oh, thank you."
"Welcome," she whispered into the back of his neck. "Just be quiet." He finally got off with a groan and went limp, falling asleep with them. She smiled, snuggling in too after a glance out at the girls. Bruce would tell them if something happened. Eagley was in the bedroom napping on his perch that had come from home.
***
The Press Secretary waked in to the daily briefing. "All right. Today's been a doozey," she admitted. "So let's get started."
"Did the president really take out nine agents last night?" one asked, raising her hand.
"They were part of a group that wanted a mini slayer to experiment on. And yes, I'm being delicate about that word so none of them hear it later and freak out." That reporter's hand flopped down. She nodded. "Slayer Mina found one of the guard team on the mini slayers preparing to take blood from them and got him with a frying pan she was about to use.
"Told the girls to run up here to get Xander to protect them. They told him after a few minutes so he went to check on Mina, getting her taken to a hospital. She'll heal but it'll be a while. The mini slayers were safely up here being watched over by Colonel Flag, Dr. Quinzel, and Mr. Smith. The girls this morning said he walked off like it was about to be an apocalypse."
"Only for that group," another reporter said. "Are the girls okay?"
"They pounced the adults in the room to cuddle to keep the adults from being worried," she said with a smile. "They told me adults get bad ideas and need to be distracted from them."
"Is the president all right? More injured than his thigh?"
"He's fine. He's barely limping and quit using his crutches yesterday. He could probably still use them according to the girls but he's just like that as Mini Sidra said. Colonel Flag assured her he was like that too."
"Who's going to take over the house?"
"Slayer Mary-Marjorie. Who is the senior slayer out of Spain. She's got a broken shoulder and the girls seem to like her. Xander called her personally to come watch over the mini slayers. I heard the end of the call. Senior Slayer Faith agreed from her spot retired in Lisbon."
The press people nodded. They only knew the identity of slayers who were above patrol cleared and those who fell in for battles. The others had names but they never learned them or which one they were until they were able to go on patrol. That one had been in a few major battles leading an area.
"The agents who went after the president's significant others, whatever status they have?" the oldest reporter in the room, an older woman who had been there since politics had made more sense, asked.
"They're under threat from the president as well. They apparently hate that the president has a set of significant others. For those who were screaming about polygamy on tv, that's only if they're married. It's not illegal to have a trio as a relationship as long as there's no formally recognized wedding.
"The president's response to the senator who said he was being a bad, immoral role model on that news program last night was vulgar and loud. The minis clapped at it. One even laughed." The whole press corps winced and hissed, most shaking their heads too. "President Harris has said that they're his reward for doing what he's done for over thirty years.
"If someone didn't like that, he welcomed them to get into his face about it so they could have a *chat*." That got another round of winces, hisses, and some head shakes. "Exactly. And they're not warlords. Most of us consider that nicer than some of his former ones.
"After all, the guy nearly married the vengeance demon for women scorned when she was turned into a human in Sunnydale. He left her at the altar because he found out how bad it'd be for her." She walked off. "Have a better day, people."
A few shared a look and ride shared a car to the local demon poker hall to find out about that almost marriage. It was clearly something interesting. They got told about Anya, and the documentary Lifetime had done. A few even shared the youtube videos that someone had put up of the old team. Lifetime had gotten that documentary very correct it seemed.
***
One of the reporters who wasn't that good ended up with a mini slayer in his possession because he had gotten her away from someone trying to harm her and some guys in camo coming to grab her from that idiot human. She had been panicking so he evacuated her to the nearest big store. "Are you all right?" he asked.
"I'm okay. Thank you for the saving. I need to call the house or Xander. He'll be really mad."
"I'm a reporter," he said, showing her his pass. "I can call the press secretary's office so she can find him." The girl relaxed and nodded so he did that. "It's Peter Marshall. I'm at a store in the mall with a mini slayer who nearly got snatched while Slayer Beth was fighting some guys wearing camos. She is safe with me in a dressing room at Penny's." He hung up on the secretary's promise to tell Xander immediately. "Did you know that woman?"
"No." She sighed. "My uncle wanted to see me, which is good and all. Slayer Bethie was in the mall to watch us since she brought me. I hope she's okay."
"The guys in camo tried to grab her but she fought them off by the guard's scanner." He sat down across from her like it was an interview. His phone was recording all this. "Did they hurt you?"
"I have a bit of a headache from that woman screeching about me. My uncle is the one they knocked out. Not sure who that woman was." She curled up on the bench. "I should be okay if you have to go cover that for the news stuff."
"No, there's a lot out there that can. There was a fashion show later today so the local news stations have the mall covered." She nodded at that. "Have you met the president's significant others?"
She stared at him. "I'm not supposed to talk to the press people. But they're really sweet." She grinned. "They're both really great and so are Eagley and Brucie."
"Who?"
"Their pets." She beamed, wiggling some. "Christopher's had Eagley since he was younger. Harley's had Brucie for a few years too. They're great pets."
"That's sweet. Do you get to play with the pets?"
"We don't get to chase Brucie. He's got a broken foot from that thing the other day with the mean idiots, but the zoo people were really nice Harley said. And if he chases us he might think we're prey and bite so we can't chase with him. We got him a bunny to eat and chase instead. We made sure it was the meat kind for those who eat bunnies. We'd never use a pet bunny for that sort of thing, that'd be mean to the bunny."
"I can see how good of you that was." He grinned. "His name's Christopher?"
"Yeah. Or Peacemaker I guess. I have no idea how use names like that happen. We don't have to use another name because all slayers are mythical in their own lives and their own ways." She grinned. "Someday I will be too."
"I hope it's a long, healthy, easy time if you go on patrol, dear. Is Christopher nice to you? I know his father wasn't a good guy."
"Yeah, he's pretty cool. We have to warn him before we pounce him but otherwise he'll help us in our self defense lessons. Sometimes we can chase him around. If he's having a pouty day, we can hug him for it. He's a nice uncle sort. Xander used to be the big brother to the slayers but he's too old to be our big brother sort now.
"So he's like an uncle. And Christopher makes a good uncle's boyfriend and Harley makes a good uncle's girlfriend. She even understands about needing to be cute and the older girls can ask her about patrol clothes sometimes if she's not having an unhappy day." She beamed and nodded.
"Do you think they'll have kids someday?"
"Unless the witches help I don't think so. I don't think Harley wants to be a mom or a stepmom."
"The witches can do a pregnancy between the two males?"
She nodded, staring at him. "They did for a male witch and his new husband recently." She beamed. "The baby's so adorable!" she squealed. "Very cute baby boy."
"That's sweet. I didn't know they could do that."
"It probably takes a lot of magic. The whole coven had to help."
"That probably would, yes." He nodded. "Are you guys helping them plan the wedding?"
"We asked to make sure we didn't need to be a bunch of flower girls after Sidra told us about her aunt's second wedding and how she was one. Harley said they're not doing that." She shook her head. "She said she's not into that sort of thing. Matching tattoos but not flower girls or poufy dresses."
"That's interesting. What if Xander gets elected to a second term?"
She shrugged. "I guess things won't change? I have no idea how that works yet. We're not doing government stuff in social studies yet. That's next year I think. Along with frog biology."
"That's a good point. You're still pretty young." He patted her on the cheek with a grin. "Are the mini slayers going to add more to the house soon?"
"All of us in the house had to be taken from our parents or are orphans. Sidra's got a few aunties but they're military too and on duty so they can't take her." She shifted away from him. "Her mommy came back for six weeks, got her back for five of them, and then had to go out again.
"It's upsetting but Xander's the best fussy uncle ever. He's almost like a slayer Daddy to us." She beamed again. "He's definitely the DILF the older girls called him the other day. They think those three are cute together too. They caught a picture of them watching movies on the couch and cuddling."
"That's nice of them. Did he get a copy?"
"Not really sure. It's on the slayer bulletin board. So he might have." Someone knocked and she yelped, hiding under the bench. "It's just a ghost in here."
Slayer Beth opened the door to stare at the reporter, scowling at him. "I was helping her evacuate and I told the Press Secretary where she was safely hiding."
Beth nodded. "Thank you for that. C'mon, Mamie." The girl looked at her oddly. That was their code name for talking to a mini in public so no one knew her real name. "The camo guys are arrested. We're going to calm Xander down before he sends the national guard. Tell the reporter guy thank you."
"Thank you!" She patted him on the hand and went with her. "Did I say bad things?" she asked in the car.
"No. Not from what I heard. Xander is kinda the Council's DILF. Him and Adkins in the library." She drove them off, taking her back. "I checked on your uncle. He's okay. The paramedics took care of him and I told him I'd take you back to the slayer house when I found where you were hiding. Then Xander texted to make sure if I needed backup." She finally got back to the white house and parked, getting out and letting the kid out. She led her in so Xander could check on them. "She was talking to the reporter."
"I didn't mean to say anything bad and I don't think I did."
"It's okay, Anna." He cuddled her. "You're good even if you did say mean things."
"No, he asked about Harley and Christopher and I told him they were both really neat and good to us and their pets were cute too." She smiled at him. "I told him we asked about flower girls and future babies too when he asked me but I told him Harley said that wasn't for her. The witches would have to do that between you two."
"They would but I'm not fertile so it probably can't happen." He cuddled her, looking at Beth. "Camo guys?"
"That same group that tried the orphan's house," she said dryly, smirking at him. "She outed that DILF comment too." Xander rolled his eyes, shaking his head. "Well, you kinda are, Xander. Live up to it." She took the slayer back. "I'll get her home. Her uncle knows she's safe." She carried her off.
Xander sighed, leaning his head on the desk to thump it a few times.
Christopher looked over from his seat in the corner cleaning guns. "You're the slayer DILF?" he joked with a grin.
"Yup. Me and Adkins in the library. He's got actual kids and he's more cut than you are." He looked at him. "You can let the girls objectify you if you want."
"Maybe later. How would the witches do that between two guys?"
"They helped a male couple conceive and carry last year."
"Like ass babies? My brother told me about those but then said they were a joke years later. It confused me for years."
"Yeah." He nodded with a smirk. "The coven's strong enough to do that. Willow did that a few times to the slayer pets too. All by herself."
"Huh." He considered that. "Have they been able to do that all along?"
"Probably but they hadn't as far as I know."
"Wow." He considered that. "I know my father never went to those sort. He would've hated covens."
Xander nodded. "Me too sometimes." He rubbed his bad eye. "I need to go clean that. Give me a few." He went to the bathroom.
"You can do an eye drop in front of me, Xander."
"I hate taking it out to clean in front of others."
"One's not real?" he asked, looking confused. "I did not realize that." He frowned as Harley came in eating a lollipop. "Did you know he had a fake eye?"
"No." She shook her head. "But it looks natural." She leaned down. "Tell me you're not the sort to freak out at having a lover who has a disability," she hissed.
"Hell no," he snorted, staring at her with a frown. "I'm not that shallow."
"A lot of people are freaked out by fake parts when they're faced with them," Xander said, leaning out of the bathroom. "Be right out." He closed the door again and put back in the eye.
"I thought he wore the patch because his eye hurt or he had a stye or something," he admitted.
"No." Xander came back out. "When did you get that?"
"When the minister minion for the First Evil popped it with his thumbnail."
"Wow. You really can't tell." Christopher stared at him. "You learned to compensate really well."
Xander nodded. "I kinda had to. All those battles meant it's a problem that had to be fixed. Especially since the battle with the First was a few weeks later." Harley gaped, staring at him. "What?" he whined.
"You went into a huge battle with a new injury?" she demanded. "Without learning how to get around it first?"
"I've had battle senses since I was eight," Xander told her. "I always know when there's someone around me. That's why the few rooms with ghosts freak me out so hard. I can feel them." He sat down. "Losing the eye rebalanced my energies enough that it brought on the visions. I trained a lot of things in Africa."
Christopher blinked. "You did?"
"I sure did." He grinned. "I trained with shaman about the problem I have being possessed easily and a few other things too. Plus did a lot of compensation work. I had to relearn how to drive in there too." He stared at him. "I didn't mean to freak you out," he said gently.
"It's not that! I'm not that sort of asshole, Xander. I wouldn't care if even you were missing an arm." He scowled. "Do you think I'm that shallow?"
"No. I think you work awfully hard on your conditioning and nag me about mine," he admitted. "A lot of guys who're worried about their muscles hate people who don't have them around them. They'd never date someone who wasn't just as stacked."
"Yeah, I'm not like them. Those sort would hate shooting people." He looked smug.
"We're all a bit broken somehow," Harley noted. She leaned over to kiss Xander then Christopher. "So he's missing an eye, two ribs, a chunk of bone in his ankle, and his appendix." She shrugged. "We're all missing parts too."
"You had your appendix out?" Christopher asked.
"That's that gross looking scar on his side," Harley told him. "They totally botched it apparently. Mine's a tiny thing. His is huge."
"They did screw it up. Sunnydale's hospital was horrible. They had more dead patients than alive ones some years." Xander shrugged. "They had to go in twice to fix their mistake. The first because they left a clamp. The second because I got an infection. Willow finally cleaned it up and got it closed for real. The second time they hadn't stitched it hardly at all so the infection could drain.
"I could see my intestines. I did that for show and tell one day. The teacher passed out. The other kids thought it was gross but cool like the one kid's tumor that had been removed and she showed off." He shrugged again but grinned.
"That is gross," Christopher said, pointing the cleaning rod at him. "Why didn't your parents take you to another hospital?"
"Only one in Sunnydale and they didn't even remember I had my appendix out. As far as I know they didn't bring me to the ER either. Somehow I managed to get there but I don't think it was them."
Harley blinked a few times. "Your parents are in hell, right?"
"I damn sure hope so."
"Maybe my dad is having a talk with your dad then," Christopher said, getting up to hug and kiss him. "My dad couldn't stand drunks." He went back to cleaning his guns.
Harley plopped herself into Xander's lap, hugging him. "You lived a life many would cry about." He nodded, giving her a cuddle. "Are we doing work today?"
"Supposedly I have a meeting in ten minutes. Slayer Anna is okay. Though she was talking to a reporter who saved her in the mall. That same group that went after the orphan's house," he said at her scowl. "They ambushed her at the mall. We're not sure if her uncle was involved or not. I'm leaning towards not by what Beth said."
"Good! No kids should have to grow up like any of us did." She cuddled until Patrick let in his appointment. "Sorry, getting cuddles." They left him alone to talk to the head of the senate.
"She's very lively," he told Xander.
"She is and reminds me that I'm still alive too and this isn't really hell."
"Only to some," he admitted, sitting across from him. "The other three bills, sir?"
"What about them?"
"They're good, solid reasoning behind them but a few on both sides are wary that you're changing things too much. We've noted your reasoning."
"It's also to make sure the world has a solid, foundation level, government in case the world starts to go to hell. Someone other countries can lean on. But to do that we have to be on solid footing, not slipping down that slope."
"We're a bit worried that some of that will take away the rights of property owners. Like the bill to allow HUD and local housing agencies to buy up houses that are foreclosed on or have not sold in over a year."
"Wouldn't the owners rather have them bought by *someone*?"
"Yes." He nodded. "It does use language that could force the sale however. We'd like a concession that the owner could turn it down."
"If I do that I'd put in an added sentence to force it if it still hasn't sold in another year. They're just sitting there rotting while people are without homes. There's millions more empty homes than there are people who need them. And the flipper thing is driving up prices so it's even less likely younger people can ever buy a home."
"Point." He considered that. "I'm not against that. They wanted us to just remove it but I can see suggesting a land bank sort of situation or suggesting the owners put it into some sort of auction?"
"No auctions. Those tend to go to landlords and those who have money on hand who could've bought it before then."
"True. I can see the addition of a year extra after a turn down and then the housing people buying it or the city to tear it down. Two years vacant would mean the house would probably need some repairs at the very least." Xander nodded. "Point. I can tell them that. The tax rate bill?"
"If we want to really fix those bridges that keep falling in or the roads, we need the money to do that. It's extra taxes or I cut the military down by seven percent. The same as it is only to be used for bridges and roads."
"What about tunnels?"
"What tunnels? We have tunnels like the Chunnel thing?"
"Yes, sir. We do."
"I did not know that. Then yes, that can go for that if they need upkeep and repair or a new one." He grinned. "Really I probably should have to do both to get them all to the point where we can fix them. And none of that money is to go to little pet projects. It is to only go to those things.
"Because you'd hate it if bridges kept collapsing and killing thousands of people potentially and cut off highways. It'd be like the early days of shipping things around the US. Though the rail system could be improved too. We're like on year thirty out of twenty to repair some things that are important to getting stuff around the US and public safety."
"Airports?"
"Don't they have their own line items? And aren't most privately owned?"
"Yes. I think. Or perhaps state owned." He made himself note on a notepad. "I need to look that up." He tucked it into his pocket. "I know that we'd only pay the higher taxes on the top bracket but it is set a bit low, sir."
"I looked it up from before when it was over five hundred million. I could change it to remove all tax lowerings since Regan's."
"Please don't. His was seventy-eight percent when he did that," he sighed. "It's not going to make people happy."
"It shouldn't affect anyone who isn't already pretty darn wealthy. There's no reason for the lowest paid to bear the burden of the country on their shoulders more than they already do for doing the shit jobs no one else wants to do."
"Point I suppose."
"Would you actually notice it if your income tax rate went up?"
"I didn't before we started to make civil servant wages," he said dryly.
"Well, now that can be fixed for you, right?" He grinned. "Your income probably doesn't hit the top tax bracket."
"Not on income, but in assets....that's a good point." He stared at him. "This is all very socialist and a lot of people are complaining about that."
Xander nodded. "Some day I'll be dead and the slayers won't have anyone else backing them up and may lose a battle. Then what?"
He blinked a few times. "Oh." He considered that. "The next president might not like that."
Xander shrugged but nodded. "The peaceful community wants to keep the colonel."
"I've heard you both."
"I've only heard them talking about the colonel, which is why I kept him out of a lot of this so he'd look nicer."
"That's tactical of you, sir." He stood up. "I'll tell them. See what we can work out. Were you serious about the seven percent cut?"
"That's three new planes," Xander said dryly. "Or some hoity-toity perks that the Pentagon gives as presents plus their viagra fund."
"True. We can look and do an audit. We may find that much alone in waste. We have in the past." He shook his hand and left to tell them. The others in Congress weren't amused at any of it. "The president and I talked," he said as he walked in. They stared at him. "He will bend on that year to sell or HUD can buy it clause.
"He'll allow the owners to say no, have another year, and then if it isn't, he pointed out a house that's sat there for two years is going to need some major repairs anyway. He also hates the flippers that do houses since he thinks it drives up prices and makes it harder for younger homeowners to find anything."
He sat down. "He's right, they're sitting there rotting. Even if they buy them for the price of the land, it could do a lot of good. On the tax thing, he pointed out none of us now have income in that higher tax bracket even if we do have assets, which are mostly in tax deferred strategies if we're smart.
"He offered instead to cut the military budget by seven percent. Which he thinks is three planes or a lot of the perks they give out to generals. I said we could do an audit to find that much probably. He has said that the new money is only to go to roads, bridges, and tunnels. I had to tell him we had mountain tunnels. He knew about the Chunnel but not ours. He's also noted that by doing all this, the government will be the solid foundation in case the world goes to hell because the slayers lost a battle after he died."
They considered that. "It would mean our people could be safer and healthier."
"As he told Luthor, healthier, happier workers do more for their companies," another agreed with a slow nod. Then he grimaced. "And that any company that was that bad would lose people to competitors who were nicer."
"He's not against bigger businesses running but he's against them mistreating workers," the one who had talked to him said. "He's talked about his very blue collar parents working for slime that did that." They nodded they had heard that. "Overall it doesn't seem too outrageous." He looked around. "Though a few of us are not going to be reelected thanks to how long we've served."
"Those go into affect on the first of January."
"Which means your seat goes up for immediate reelection at that point if you win it. That'll mean your state has to go to all that trouble."
That senator blinked a few times. "Oh. I didn't think about that."
He nodded. "At least the ones currently serving will get our pensions at the old rate of pay." They smiled at that. "Perhaps it's better to go out on top. Then become an advisor to someone who'll pay us enough to get back into that top income tax bracket."
"It's ruining the system."
The head of the senate smiled. "The system was broken anyway. There's been no rabble rousing, people knowing sort in decades. The last one we had was when?"
"Point." They all grimaced at that. They hated that sort but they did get things done by making the people push them.
"We have to appear graceful so we don't look like we're defeated. Also, some of you might want to talk to the president about how he's going to have to nominate judges."
"We can turn that down," one said. "We have in the past."
"He isn't aware that the demonic community want him to stay in office. He thought they were going to keep Flag." That one groaned. "He also noted how many problems with shipping and things that those bridges falling in would cause the US economy. Including slowed deliveries. He did say rail could also be upped sometime soon." A few slumped at that. "Are airports public property or privately owned?"
"Some are privately owned. Most are owned by the local governments I think. I was on the transportation board years ago." He looked at the others. "It would look good on us. If we wanted to run for higher office....."
"They said running for president would not hinge on the twenty-five year rule," the head of the senate said. "We asked specifically since that's often a senator." That got a mass nod. "They will bend that requirement because there's a time limit built in of eight years. Or for VP. That's one job where experience helps."
"As opposed to ours, who dick taunted a world leader that he had given a blow job to once?" the old guy at the other end of the table joked.
"At least the guy remembered it fondly and laughed but agreed Xander was a bitch if you tried to push him." The head of the senate looked at the others. "We can bend or we can stall but he'll go around us with the new congress. Which do we want to do?"
"We can bend a lot but not officially earmark those for infrastructure."
"He said no pet projects allowed. Roads, bridges, highways, tunnels."
"We can leave that in there."
"He can send it back. We do need to fix those. We had a bridge collapse last month that's fouled shipping for months. On a national highway." They nodded they remembered. "He's thinking back to what it was like before we had an official highway system."
"That was a mess," the old guy agreed. He sighed, looking at the others. "I don't mind bending on that one. I don't like it being officially earmarked though. What if we need it after a huge battle to help a city?"
"We can plot that no more than ten percent can be diverted without a two-thirds or a majority vote. That leaves later on moving it somewhere else." That got a nod. They could write that into the bill.
Xander walked in and handed over something. "Someone's pissy that I don't know anything about education but I remember those tests well enough,. One per school tier: elementary, middle, high school. Same test over the whole US to compare fairly. Set national standards of graduation testing."
He grinned. "My school, they tested for stuff we should've learned in eighth grade. Is that who you want to be running the country in twenty years?" He left them alone. "Do the audit too please. The generals are sneering at me again and I'm tired of it." He let the door slam behind him.
The head of the senate looked at that bill then passed it around. It sounded reasonable but they'd have to ask the education department. But maybe. The president did have some lower, normal people expectations and ideas. Those didn't always work for congress. Though, that may be fixed by having to elect a mostly new congress soon.
***
This Was Not What I Wanted To Be When I Grew Up!