Xander got stopped by a reporter while he was out with a mini at the doctor's. "Get away from the kid please," he ordered.
"We're not filming her, Harris," the cameraman said, looking up. "Just your head."
"Okay. I guess. What's wrong now?" he sighed.
"Mr. Harris, what do you think about immigration?"
"Why are you asking me about that?"
"You're running for president?"
He nodded, looking amused. "Uh-huh. Kind of but not my idea. Immigration? I think that everyone in this country came from somewhere else. Including the Native Americans. I think this is their land and I'm pretty disgusted by the people who don't realize this. Including those who try to wash history so it was nicer than it was. History wasn't nice, it wasn't pretty, and it wasn't delicate or blood-free.
"Do I think we have an immigration problem? I think it's one we've made happen by the way the US meddles in other areas. Demon immigration? A lot of them are here to get away from a few despots and other places in destruction and decay. Quite a lot of them come here, work for a bit, and then move somewhere without the yahoos who threaten them for being different." He grimaced.
"We meddle?"
"Have you not heard anything about the US meddling in Central and South American politics and militia stuff?"
"I have, I thought we quit."
He snorted, shaking his head. "Not from our reports from the girls down there." The mini pulled on his hand so he looked down. "I know, it's time to get you to the mini slayer doc. Sorry, we're busy. Have a better day." He walked off with her.
"Would you stop that meddling?"
"If possible, yes. Depending on how unsafe that would make us." He looked back at her. "There's no government that doesn't have dirty secrets hidden. Including ours. We just have people like you who find out and then tell everyone about it so they have to stop it." He smirked a bit. "Have some fun with that, ma'am." He got them into the doctor's office and signed in then almost immediately back because they were a bit late.
The reporter looked at her cameraman, who shrugged. "He may have a point."
"He may," he agreed. "There's always things being found." They went to send in that report. Their higher ups were amused.
***
The moderator for the national presidential debate looked at the people. "What would you do if we have another problem like that invasion a few years ago?" he asked. He pointed at one side. "It's your turn to start."
"We have a military to handle that and I'm sure they've fixed the issues that happened last time. We'd rather that the military handled it instead of civilians or slayers, or their male helpers. It's their job, they should be able to handle it. I will be asking the Joint Chiefs what their plans for such an event is. Make sure they have fixed those issues."
The other side looked at him. "While I don't like the civilians helping, or the slayers at all, it was needed at that time. There's the National Guard, there's the military, and there's groups that have been training to handle things for the slayers. That's their job and I hope they do a good one."
"What about the demonic community?"
The second one shook his head. "I do not like that name. They're mostly peaceful. I prefer to call them a peaceful nucleus community. As long as they stay peaceful I have no problem and I welcome the slayers helping police the ones that break that peaceful intent. That's their duty and I like them sticking to that."
The other one shook his head. "I know they came here to get away from heinous problems on their natal realm but there's now a method to control their immigration. They need to follow them."
The other one nodded. "They do. They agreed with that and helped set it up. They do have other options to run to most of the time. Though I don't like how the portal makers and those seem to act like traffickers, that's not a problem we can solve from this end."
The moderator nodded. "The one that the demon community wants to nominate, Mr. Harris, has said that the US is meddling in Central and South American politics."
"Prove it," the first one said.
The second shook his head. "We have leant help. I don't see that as meddling. Perhaps he's heard things that we haven't at our level. That would have to be looked at. Another fairly early in the new term investigation I'd start. Within the first hundred days. Including looking at the reports their girls have sent up since he mentioned those."
The first one looked at him. "He did?" The other guy nodded. "I did not see that report at all. Yes, they should be looked at and perhaps even talk to the newly immigrating to find out why. I'm still wondering why they wanted to nominate him and which party he's part of."
The moderator smiled. "Not yours, sir. He's made statements about not putting up with a lot of the problems both parties have." They grimaced but nodded at that. "Have either of you ever talked to the slayers?" They both shook their heads. "Why not?"
"There's not much I can do to help them," the second said.
The other nodded. "I understand it's their duty but I'd be in the way. I'd expect them to tell us if there was a problem beforehand. Otherwise the best I can do for them is protect them from certain groups and get out of their way if there is a problem." The other one nodded he agreed with that. "I tried a few sword lessons but I wasn't any good so I'll just get out of the way."
The moderator looked at the other one, who didn't add to that. "If one of the senior slayers, one of the top six that are at every single battle, falls, do you agree with honoring them like a fallen hero?"
The two grimaced but nodded slightly. "I don't think it's ever been brought up before," the second said. "I have no problem with honoring her but I don't think they'd want her to lay in state at the Capitol."
"I would if they asked for such honors but the last I knew they didn't want that sort of attention." The first one shrugged a bit. "If they'd want, I'd honor that duty and service. It's something I know I couldn't do."
The moderator put that card aside. "I know one of you has a grandchild that is a future slayer. Is she going to serve?"
"She's six, and she's got a movement disability," that grandfather said. "If she wants to go to Cleveland to learn, then that's fine with me and her parents. We won't force it and neither will the Council. Even if she's able to patrol that'll be up to her."
The second looked at him. "I did not hear that news. I hope she'll have a long, healthy life no matter which way she goes. I know you probably panicked a bit, as most parents would, but I do hope she'll be okay and have a long, happy life." That one smiled and tipped his head at that. He looked at the moderator. "Is the other party getting these same questions?"
"The one taking questions from the public has the identical list." He smiled. "Housing. It's a high priced luxury in some places. How are you going to make it so homeowners can be a growing group?"
The two took a second then the first answered.
***
Xander got found out on patrol. "Don't photograph the girls. They're trainees."
"We're not," the cameraman said. "Sir, can you answer some questions?"
"If I must but I'm on patrol. You'll have to follow and guard yourself." The cameraman nodded, following him. "What now?"
"Why did they want you and Colonel Flag to run?"
"Colonel Flag has served mostly honorably as far as I've heard. Personally I'd count working for Waller to be less honorable but he may not have had a choice about that assignment. Most military people don't decide which project they're to work on. I like the guy, he's a good fighter. He's running herd on bigger assholes than I do."
The girls smirked back at him. "Yes, you three and your whole pack of bitches. I know you're a teenager but really?" They huffed but went to handle that vampire coming up. Xander shook his head. "As for why me? I've got a way of seeing ways around prophecies. I've broken a number of prophecies. Plus, that would mean I wouldn't be able to be as supportive as I have been with the slayers."
The girls nodded at that. "The PTB really want me to get away from the slayers so they can pull them back under the old ways and their control." He smirked a bit at the camera. "They all know that won't happen the way the PTB want. That's another prophecy I've broken. I'm up to about a hundred by now." He paused, staring at something.
"Fuck us," he muttered. "Girls, move! Evacuate, take the normals with you, get the seniors here." He pointed. "Now!" They looked and one burst out in hysterical laughter but they did evacuate and bring the cameraman with them while calling in the senior girls. The cameraman was going to film from farther away so he wasn't in the way.
***
Xander looked up from staring at his casted hand and stitches as his hospital room was invaded. "What?" he asked quietly.
"You good?" Flag asked.
"Nope. I'm really not."
"With the deaths or the injuries?"
"Kinda both. I realize I've been doing this since I was sixteen. And I realize I'm an idiot for jumping in but it had to be done." He nodded slightly. "How's Faith?"
"Still hanging on." He stared at him. "I didn't decide to work for Waller."
"I figured you didn't." He stared at him. "Sorry if that hurt you."
"No, it's the truth. Like your duty, it's not a choice but it's something you gotta do." Xander nodded. "You ready to get out?"
"Did you let the girls pick on your team?"
"No. We're guarding the town while the slayers are upset by Buffy's death." He nodded. "You ready?"
"Yeah. I need to go shower and then get dressed for the funeral. Again."
"Again?"
"Not her first funeral."
He helped the boy into the wheelchair, letting him sign himself out so they could take him back to the slayer house. "What do we do about all that pushing?" he asked quietly.
"You take the head job? I don't know anything about government service."
"You've got the better diplomatic ties."
"I know but I have no idea how to handle that sort of job." He frowned. "But I may not be able to step into a battle for months."
"Or at all. The intestinal damage?" he asked when Xander stared at him.
"It'll heal. I'm missing two ribs though. I need to find comfortable body armor." He frowned at his hand. "That's going to make it harder to hold my axe."
"Then maybe it's time to pass it on?"
"Not yet. I'm still standing. I'll move back to training though."
Flag nodded. "The girls will need you more than ever."
"Yeah, they will. Giles is going to fall apart again," he sighed quietly. Flag patted him on the shoulder. They got him home. Xander walked in, nodding at the girls. "I'm back. Let me shower first before you pounce?"
Giles came out to look at him. "Xander?"
"Yeah. I still live here," he said dryly.
"I was thinking you might want to retire some due to the injuries."
"I'll move back to training," he said. "I'll find a body armor vest to cover for the weakness in my rib area." He stared at him. "I'm not giving up."
Giles stared at him. "You do have that new destiny."
"Which neither of us want," Flag told him. "We're not qualified for that, Mr. Giles." Giles frowned at him. "I'm the other one they wanted."
"He's right. I don't have the education to run anything. That's why you kept me from helping with the paperwork," Xander quipped, staring at him. "You know very well the only way I'm leaving the girls to the mercy of the other watchers is being carried out of here," he said quietly but firmly. "I won't let those ones backslide the Council."
"No, I agree with that. But you could retire. You have done more than your duty." He stared at him. "The girls should not see you die as well."
"We all die, Giles. Even if I'm eighty. It's better that they see me living with all this mess."
"True." He patted him on the cheek. "You should rest. The funeral is tomorrow."
Xander nodded. "That's my plan, yes. Colonel Flag gave me a ride home."
"That's fine. We've seen a lot of his team so far. The girls were picking on them and one, the Japanese female, was helping the minis with something." He walked off to go think. It didn't hurt as much this time. Maybe because he'd had extra time with Buffy. Or maybe he was too used to death happening now. He wasn't sure but perhaps he'd find a therapist to talk to the girls that he could talk to casually as well.
Xander nodded. "Guest rooms are up this way if you're not bunking with the team."
"They're in a motel by the park with the hellmouth. No one saved me a room." Xander smirked at that. "No, they weren't expecting me to climb into someone's bed," he shot back. He got Xander settled and came down to talk to the senior girls about problems they were expecting in the next few days.
His team could handle it for them while they did the funeral and grieved. He'd get to leave Ratcatcher there for the girls to help her and her to guard them. It was something Xander would want to happen and she was too young to be as badly off as the rest of the group was. She'd understand the harsh life the girls lived and they'd try to understand her a bit too. It'd be good for her.
***
Xander led the way into the demon poker hall. "You guys called?" he said.
"We've heard you two are arguing over who'll be in the top job. We're going to host a coin toss," the bartender said, making a few people cheer. "To solve one of the biggest bets ever in the poker circuit."
Xander looked at him. "He can have it. Really. He's slightly older."
"No thanks," Flag ordered. "Sure, we can do it that way. It's probably going to be fair. There's no telling if higher powers will fix the outcome," he said at the few heated looks.
"They so would," Xander agreed dryly. "On purpose to make me more mad at them." That got a few snickers. He looked around. "Who's the ref and are we publishing this so no one can lie when I lose?"
One of the highest demons on the plane came over. "I will do the coin toss, Knight, Colonel." He nodded at him, getting a nod back. He let them see the coin. People came in closer to see how it landed. He tossed it lightly a few times. "Call it," he ordered then tossed it up toward the ceiling.
"Tails," Xander said first.
"That's what I was going to say," Flag said. The coin landed. Heads. "Damn."
"You both called tails," the demon said. He tried it again. "Call it."
"Tails," Xander said.
"Heads," Flag said. This time it ended up on the side rim. The two guys shared a look then looked at the demon, who shrugged. "Does that mean we can both get out of it?" Rick asked.
"Fat chance." He picked it up to test it. He let a magic user test it too. "One last one. Call it."
"Tails," they said in unison and Xander sighed at that. The demon caught it. They played rock/paper/scissors. He won that one.
"I'll take tails," Xander said.
"So I guess I'm heads," Rick complained but was amused. This was showing off for the press. The demon smiled at that so maybe he had heard his thought. This time the coin flip landed properly. On tails. Rick patted Xander on the back when he just sighed.
"I guess," Xander said. "Though I'm not going to be happy for four years." He looked around. "Let the DC slayer know things I need to handle. I'm going to bring my minis with me if we win, people." That got a few grins from the people who knew him. "We'll have to find an ice cream shop near the white house so they can chase me down for some in training." He canted his weight off to the side. "Really, guys, we can just support someone."
"The other ones won't be able to handle the problems coming up," Cordelia said from her seat on a table, grinning at them with a finger wiggle that she had picked up off Harley. "You'll do fine, Dork King. Even if it does mean you have to quit wearing ugly shirts." She smirked. "It'll look bad if you don't."
"There's a lot of politicians who wear the worst clothes," Rick said. "And I have a uniform, Cordelia."
"Yes you are." She nodded. "We're keeping you where you are as well. So you'll get to bring the team with you."
"The Squad would kill you for that," he noted.
"Oh well! It'll mean you're both backed up better." She smirked. "Otherwise you'll have to fight congress too." She looked at Xander. "You'll do fine. Quit whining. Like your SAT, you'll do better than you think, Xander. Suck it up."
"You're not corporeal, I can't do that," he shot back. "I could use the stress relief. Remember, I do have needs that way that will drive the Secret Service guys nuts."
"Yeah," she agreed with a grin. "But then again they're not used to regular people anyway. Go in being yourself. Be the asshole of the universe if you have to." She faded out.
"They so rigged that," Xander complained.
The demon smiled and nodded. "Probably. The Powers have ideas." He went back to his seat with a free drink for that service.
Xander looked at Rick, who was shaking his head. "I guess we need to make concrete plans."
"We may need to," he agreed. They went back to the slayer camp to sit in the backyard to figure things out.
***
Xander looked at the gathered squad, then shook his head. "Thankfully the one of you who got his ass handed to him by a six-year-old remembered her age," he said dryly, staring at the whole group. "The girls are girls and will pick on and tease you. And occasionally play pranks.
"If you want to work with their sparring training, go ahead. I'm not up to it yet and they need the varied help anyway. Just remember they are tiny little girls." He looked at Flag, who winced but nodded. "And yes, you can teach them to shoot guns and crossbows and throw knives if you want. It's a skill they'll get later anyway." He grinned at one. "Dear...."
She backed away. "I know you have dated someone I know."
"I know I have too. Tell her I said hi and I'm sorry I had to cut that date short to go handle the biowarfare person?"
"I can do that," she agreed in Japanese, bowing slightly. He bowed back with a grin. "You should spar."
"I'm still in a cast, need to find body armor for the two missing ribs I have, and I ache like shit, dear. It's not today. Or tomorrow probably. But ask me by Friday." He smirked as he walked off. "Ladies?" he called, getting the minis out to stare at them. "Be nice to the big hero sorts," he ordered, staring down at them.
"They forgot you were tiny earlier you did so good. For right now, chase the Colonel and whoever catches him can help me shop for body armor later. In a real store, yes." The girls squealed and rushed for the whole team. "The less muscled blond guy," he called after them, saving the others.
Some of the girls were blocking his team from helping him while Flag huffed but tried to get away. He wasn't going to make it but he did try awfully hard. Katana was laughing and taking film to show others. Flag was trying to evade but they were cutting him off so he went over the shorter fence. Most of the girls could bounce over that one already. So he had to run off toward the back pond area and then around to the side yard.
Peacemaker looked over. "Get some of me playing with the kids?"
"If I can," she said.
He dove in to help Flag by blocking some of the herd of little girls. "I'm a roadblock," he said happily. The girls huffed at that and most of them pounced him to get him down and then went back to their primary mission. He groaned as he got up because small feet were pointy but went back to helping. Deadshot was staring at the group then nodding as he took film too. The others who were left of the various squads would adore seeing that.
"C'mon!" one whined. "We love to shop! Helping Xander shop is a rare treat because he *never* shops!"
Flag shook his head with a smirk. "Sorry, ladies. I'm not easy prey." They all huffed and tried harder. Peacemaker tried to help him but they got him down again and two of the girls sat on him so he had to stay down. They didn't like to shop anyway.
One of the very tiny minis, who was about three rushed out to stand in Flag's way, smiling up at him. "Hi!"
"Hi. Excuse me."
"Nope!" She kicked him on the ankle and the girls cheered when he limped more. "Be a good boy like Xander is!" She ran back inside to tell Faith she had done good kicking him on the ankle. Faith gave her a hug and a cookie for it, watching the playing and chasing going on. She might want to chase a few of them but not for the same reasons.
Finally one girl won and cheered as she bounced on top of Rick's back. "I won, Xander! But the other girls helped!"
Xander came out to look at them. "Well, you can help me shop, and Andrew has to grocery shop if the others who helped so much want to use that as a reward." The girls shared a look and they all went to help Andrew. He helped Flag up since he was groaning. "I usually only last a half-hour. You did great at nearly fifty minutes." He walked off. "Am I taking my winner with me?"
"I want to beg for brownies," she called. "Take Sidra!"
"Okay. Sidra?" he called. "I need to pick up something at a store. Clothes even." She leaned around a doorway to stare at him, Faith doing the same over her head. "I need new body armor."
Sidra shook her head. "No thank you. My mom would be mad if she found out I was with a guy by myself."
"You know I'm not like that."
"Yes but my mother thinks all guys are." She grinned. "Can I go too, Andrew?"
"I guess but that means you have to help carry stuff, Sidra."
One of the leftover minis who had diverted the squad's attention pulled on Xander's hand. "Can I go then?"
"You sure can. Make sure it fits and I look okay in it." She nodded, running to get her shoes and jacket. He got his wallet and keys, taking the kid with him. She had a lot of fun at the armory store helping Xander find some body armor to cover his new weak spot on his ribs.
She made sure things fit well enough, even though they liked to ride up on him. The guy that ran the shop was charmed by her and got Xander what he really wanted and needed, which helped a lot. That wouldn't ride up. It was lightweight, it was comfortable enough.
"It's black though and he doesn't wear black."
"It goes on under my outer shirt," Xander told her. "Over a t-shirt."
"Oh." She nodded, letting him show her how that worked and how it fit. "Does it ride up when you shrug?" He did that and showed her. "That's good then. Can we get a brownie I don't have to share?" She pointed at the display.
Xander looked then at her. "Those taste gross. They're healthy brownies for camping."
"Eww. I'll have those during camping lessons I guess." She pouted a bit. The armory guy let her have something else, making her happier. "Thank you!"
"You're welcome, dear." He looked at Xander. "Expensive."
"I figured it was. More than ten?" He tossed over something.
He looked at that stone then nodded. "Yeah, you'll need another. That's about half." Xander let him look at what he had and pick another two. "Fine. Have a good day, guys." The girl smiled and waved. "You've got good taste." She beamed, waking off eating her granola bar. Xander wore his new armor out to go home. Just in case.
***
Rick Flag was drunk. He was very drunk. He was going to stay drunk for a few days. His team was letting him stay drunk because it meant they weren't under his watch but also because they at least appreciated him a tiny bit. Why would he want to be sober for the next week? He'd give himself a week before he got sober and sucked it up to accept his destiny.
Even if Katana was trying not to let him drink more. He stared up at her. "I'm getting drunk for the next week and then I'll suck it up like the soldier I am." He sipped his scotch, grimacing when it was mostly water from the ice. He poured himself more. "For now, get me more alcohol? Even prison hooch?"
"There's that underground well of liquor but it is a waste of energy," she reminded him.
He nodded. "I've clearly raised above my station here, Katana. I should not have to face this life I'm going to be having. I don't want to do that at all. I'm not qualified for it." He sipped more of the watered down scotch. "I could use some ice too. Because it's healthy sometimes to mope for a week before you suck it up and take it like a man."
She shook her head with a sigh. "You cannot be seen to be doing this."
"That's why I'm here instead of out at a bar, where I'd have to pay more for my drinks. Or let some person buy me some then turn down their wanting to use me." He took another drink while staring at her. "I'll suck it up in six days and listen to all the complaining for four years."
"Fine. We'll make sure you don't die of your week of drinking." She stared at him. "You should probably give up for an hour and eat something."
"Nah. Food's going to suck." He finished that bottle so she went to find him some more. His team had gotten some of the snuck in liquor for him and was storing it. She wouldn't wonder how the other one was doing. He was younger, not a soldier, and surrounded by women. And Peacemaker to make sure he did not force the colonel to take an even higher position.
***
Xander looked at the officer who had stopped them. "He's only had one drink but he's a shitty driver, Officer."
"Sir, he's clearly a bit lit," he said dryly. "Why aren't you driving since you're sober?"
"Dude, I've had ten drinks," he said dryly. "He's had two." He waved a hand. "I've just got a really high tolerance. I got it from my parents, who also started to help me build my tolerance when I was three." He snorted with a grin. "I could hold three beers and be mostly sober at six, Officer. He's a *lot* more sober than I am."
"I'll still need to get him to breathe into the machine."
"I'm supposed to be guarding him so he can't drink himself to death but I've had one lite beer and a rum thing with an umbrella, Officer, so please do. I know I'm under the legal limit and we're going somewhere better for him to not drink himself to death."
The officer huffed but got the breathalyser and came back to let him breathe into it. Peacemaker did and then sighed, handing it back. "Point-oh-four, so halfway under the legal limit." He stared at him. "Then why were you weaving?"
"I was swatting at the one who landed in the backseat." He pointed at it. "One of the witches sent the baby slayer to nag Xander for daring to be on the ballot for president."
"Oh, you're him," he said with a nod and a smirk. "Drunk, sir?"
Xander waved a hand in a so-so manner. "Not really. Anymore I usually drink demon liquors, which're stronger. Really, I drink stuff that's the same level as Everclear." The officer and Peacemaker both grimaced at that. "But they're sweeter than rum and I like them." He grinned. "I'm going to avoid thinking about the vote thing yesterday at all. For as long as I can."
"Flag said you've got a week like he does," Peacemaker said dryly. He looked at the officer again. "I'm taking him to a demon club so he's safe there and if he gets rowdy, they can help me get him to a fight club."
Xander looked at him then grinned and shook his head. "They won't let me do that again. If I'm drunk and angry, they keep me away from *all* weapons. It's a really good idea." He grinned at the officer. "We're going another block, Officer. Can we? Please?
"I could use another drink. I've only had ten." The officer had him breathe into the machine. Then he stared at it. Xander giggled. "Wow. I've been there before but not in quite a while." He shrugged but grinned. "Can I please forget that people think I have brains?"
"Sure, go drink them away, sir." He let them drive of, shaking his head. He called in the plate as they were not drunk, but the driver needed to be watched tonight. And maybe for the next week. A few hours later, he saw a demon on a motorcycle driving the same mini slayer back home while she was mostly asleep. He followed to make sure she was okay and looked at the demon. "She good?"
"Xander protected her from being pouty by teaching her to play cards." The demon grimaced. "We'd let him work out the anger at all that but he'll cause an apocalypse. We don't need that." The officer moaned. "Exactly! Last time he did magic unintentionally. No one needs Harris to do that." He drove off again.
The officer went to watch that bar for a brawl to start. That vampire street gang was going in there after a hissed conference and calling in more members. He got there in time to see Xander taking them out, by hand, without a stake, just a pencil. And the other guy was being held back by the other demons.
Harris was bruised and had a split lip but the vampires were dying. A lot. Though Harris missed someone's heart a few times by hitting off to the side and once behind it. That one he smirked as he finally staked it. Then he picked up his drink, took the coaster off the top of it, and drank some more on his way to the bar.
Yeah, he didn't want to see that one drunk. The other guy was joking with some of the demons in there but Harris was sulking and cuddly with a succuba as he played cards while being drunk.
Then a female voice complained. "Xander, don't win a realm," she complained loudly. "We can't use a realm. The girls will hate it because there's no malls there, just farms and stuff."
"They like animals," Xander defended.
She huffed. "No winning realms, Mister! Don't make me tell Giles!"
"He can talk to me in a week," he said dryly.
"Fine! I should injure you so you have to go home and sleep it off."
He apparently smirked, though the officer didn't see him doing it. "You do that and I'm posting you to Iran," he said happily. She whined but left him alone. The succuba on his lap cooed and helped him drink and play cards. Then he'd make her sore. A lot. Loudly.
Peacemaker would make sure Xander made it to a bed later, after he had made Xander give up the small pack of succuba.
***
Xander was brought to a suit shop a week after the dreadful elections. He sighed as he was walked inside by Giles. The men in there smiled. "Apparently I need a new suit as I'm going to be moving to DC. I have three hundred for this stop. Anything else will have to wait."
"We can do a nice suit for that amount," one of them said, coming over to take him to a measurement room. "Do you usually wear jeans?"
"Yeah. I'm Xander, the trainer for the mini slayers." He grinned and shook his hand. "Most of the time I'm teaching them stuff they need to know or being chased by them."
"They are adorable girls."
"They try awfully hard since they've been pouting for a week," Giles said dryly.
"Not like they don't realize this means I have to quit working with them unless I move them to DC with me."
"I doubt that would be a good idea, Xander." Giles looked up and sighed.
"I warned them if they elected me to something I'd head the new slayer camp. No matter what address I inhabit."
The fitter stared at him. "You're the one they just elected president."
"I am, unfortunately. I'm going to end up screwing up so hard." He sighed. "Which is why I need a nice suit apparently. It's tradition."
The fitter nodded, getting a different class of fabric. It'd be a tiny bit more expensive but Giles would make up the difference he was sure. Giles agreed he could do that when he saw it. "This will last even if you do end up getting into a fight in it. It'll clean easily enough, silk usually does, and it won't be too heavy or too tight." Xander sighed but nodded. "What colors do you like?"
"My Hawaiian shirts?"
"Dark blue then," the fitter decided. He looked at him. "No stripes. It'll make you look wider." He got him measured so they could start sewing.
***
Rick Flag looked at his chosen unit for now. He may change his mind later, but for now these four would do the best, and be the most subtle. Well, Harley was included so subtle may not be an option but he had hopes. A lot of hopes. "As you four know, I'm going to be commuting for a few years," he said dryly, trying not to sound bitter.
They all nodded and grinned at him. "I'm not sure the Secret Service people can actually guard me. Or Harris. Especially Harris. He's got some mini slayers coming up with him because he's their trainer and part-time dad figure." They all nodded again, Harley smiling. "So yeah, for right now, and only right now, I'm going to deploy you four around us in DC.
"Just to stop any stupid things. Like Harris' past dates. By the way, the one that's a warlord in Uganda right now? He's our next mission before we go up to DC." They all beamed at him for that present. "For the time being, if you find any of Xander's dates and they're not *horrible* human beings who want to kill everyone, I don't care if he gets to date them.
"If they act up around him though, you handle it for him. We want them to look at Xander like he's respectable. Which he usually is," he admitted dryly then smirked a bit. "We all know he dates assassins and arms dealers and other *nice* people, so if one's your enemy, yay you.
"Let him get laid first if you can." They all nodded, still smiling. "I want you to be *subtle*. Harley, that means you. No hammer weapon, very subtle bats, use them if you have to but not otherwise. No spear." She sighed but nodded, canting her weight off to the side. "Any questions?"
"Weapons?" Peacemaker asked.
"Yes, you can have weapons back," Rick said patiently, nodding some. "You'll probably need them."
"Probably," Peacemaker agreed happily. "Is he still seeing Jacques?" Harley made a gagging noise. "They had been seen out a few times. I'm guessing he's better in bed than he is anywhere else with the way the girls scowled at him for trying to steal Xander last week. Which was on the news."
"If he is, let Xander get laid first unless Xander says otherwise," Rick told him. "No one needs that idiot in their bed. Which is also why we're taking out that warlord." Harley squealed and hugged him. "Thank you." He got free, staring at her. "The night of the ball, you're his overnight guard. Make sure he can't sneak off to escape and leave me the big chair."
"I can do that and pick on the dweeb for being chosen for such an office. Especially about his clothes since he dresses really badly in eye blinding colors and patterns that hide demon slime. We may want to have someone check his clothes just in case he can use them in a battle because they've gotten demon goo."
"Yeah, I can have someone do that," he agreed with a nod. "That does sound like a wacky Xander backup plan." He shook his head quickly. "Deploy quietly. Suits for the balls. Harley, nothing too showy and not a fuck me dress if you can?"
"Of course," she sighed, waving a hand. "I'll be back at the white house making sure his rooms are secure. Do we think the SS is going to be a problem?"
"Yeah. I have a bad feeling. Xander had a bad feeling too. He's the one who suggested I bring a few of you up at a time to guard me so I don't turn into a politician. I hear it's an infectious disease somehow," he finished with a grin.
"We'd put you out of our misery," Peacemaker quipped. "Do we get to do some traveling around town? Museums," he said at the odd look.
"I guess. Maybe. Clear it with me beforehand so I don't think you're sneaking off to kill someone." He stared at Deadshot, who shrugged but tried to look innocent. "Uh-huh. Clear it with me first. Or else I'm making you go train a kindergarten class." Even Harley shuddered at that. "Good. Go get ready." They went to get their gear ready and to find clothes.
Rick had someone pick up suits and a dress for Harley. Plus regular clothes. They got their new explosives put in. And they got to flee the prison for a few days at least without having a mission that was a suicide one. Well, unless they pissed off Flag. He'd be stressed and use their explosives on them if they screwed up and lost the president or the mini slayers.
***
Xander walked into his new bedroom, smiling at the woman standing there. "Here to take me out?" he asked hopefully.
"You dating me would ruin your rep," she quipped back, walking closer.
"Not like they'll like the arms dealer I was dating last month. The Secret Service had a hissy the likes of a teenage girl on her first period." He smiled and kissed her, making her moan. "You need more fire in your life."
She patted him hard on the cheek. "Probably." She winked. "I'm your guard tonight. Someone Waller sent is going to try to take you out. The Secret Service really wishes Flag had won that coin flip you two had."
Xander nodded. "Me too." She giggled. "I'll be fine, Princess."
"I'm sure you will. I can make sure of it. And help you with plans to get your minis here."
"Oh, speaking of hissies," he said dryly, smirking at her. "They're moving up the street and will traipse up here every day to train and work with me." She giggled. "Already set that up. To much huffing. Some foot stomping too. The girls are liking it. It means they don't have to deal with hellmouth things again. I've already made sure they have good guards on them."
"Good." She patted his cheek again. "You should be doing something to celebrate."
"I just got home from the ball Faith complained about people planning for me."
"Which suck anyway. You're not the waltzing sort."
He nodded. "We have another one in four days for a planned event. Wanna go?"
"Not likely. They'd hate that."
He grinned. "I was dating Billy last month."
She moaned but nodded once. "Billy would hate that too."
"Better him than Nicely."
"Ooooooh, yeah," she sighed, nodding. "Damn."
"He was at the one earlier."
"He reminds me so much of Puddin'."
He grinned. "I heard rumor's he's still around and thinking about running for mayor."
She blinked a few times. "I'll save Bats some work," she decided. He grinned. "Seriously?" He pulled up that information on his email, letting her see it. "Oh, fuck."
"Yeah. So.... Miss Bodyguarding One."
She handed the phone back. "Go to bed before I make the whole White House stay awake. You're loud."
"I like my women to get just as loud. And we could both use the stress relief." He grinned.
"Nope. Not tonight. You've got a headache, Xander." She pointed. He sighed but went in there. "At least you got game since I saw you flirting with Anya way back when."
"Hopefully. It's been decades."
"True. I'm feeling really old."
He grinned. "Age comes to those of us who're lucky."
"You have been lucky very often." She sat down, getting comfortable. "Rest. Tomorrow people will start to want things from you."
"Yay," he said dryly. "Don't let anyone in, even the maids. We all know I have nightmares."
"Of course." She waved a hand in the air. "Sleep."
"Yes, Queen."
"Not that sort of queen, thanks." She smiled as she went back to reading, her bat next to her seat. She did let one of his boyfriends sneak in through a window, staring at him. "He needs to sleep."
"I can help him with that."
"He could use that too." He grinned, going in to pounce Xander to make him less stressed.
"At least he's only into minor arms dealing," she decided. An agent stomped in. "It's his ex from three years ago. He won't kill Xander in more than sex." She grinned. "Xander did miss him earlier."
"Miss Quinn...."
She smirked. "I'm guarding him because a lot of people wanted Flag to come out on top of that coin toss. Especially Waller."
The agent sighed. "He should not have people like that around him."
"Yeah but that's who he dates. He hasn't had a normal lover since high school. Cordelia was probably the best he's ever had." She smirked a bit. The agent sighed but Xander was clearly having fun by the giggling and yelping going on in there. The agent huffed off to tell the others. "I predict they'll get Flag to have a guy talk with him," she muttered to her book. "And it'll fail. They'll have to suck it up." Xander yelped but then he moaned so that was nice of that ex. "Just like he is."
***
Rick Flag looked at the agent complaining at him. It had been less than six days and now someone was complaining about Xander dating. "Why do I care who he dates as long as it's not treason?" he asked plainly.
"It does not look good for our president to be stringing along arms dealers."
"Then find someone nice yet dangerous enough to introduce him to," he shot back. "I'm told only the deadly and dangerous like the guy. Half of my team thinks he's great and probably fun."
"Some of us aren't gay," Peacemaker complained from his spot in the corner as his guard today. It was a hell mission for most of the task force but they'd do it because it meant they'd be on hand to go on the next actual mission. And they did have fun with some of the assassins. "I sent one of them at him because he thought he was VP instead of you."
"Great. Thanks. One you knew?"
"Gerald."
"I remember reading his file and turning him down for missions," he said. He looked at the agent again. "If you don't like who he's dating, find him someone better. It's no fair that the guy saves humanity and you want him to be alone forever. He deserves a good helpmate or lover or whatever they are.
"Be thankful he's not having to use them anymore to get the slayers weapons." He gave him a pointed look. "Also, I heard about the complaining about his minis. He warned you ahead of time. He's not giving up what he sees as his duty to baby your asses."
"Fine." He stomped off to tell his director that. The minis had two female and one male guard on them at all times. They had noted one of the minis hated to be alone with men so they made sure she couldn't be. They weren't sure if it was a trauma or her mother.
The agents did parental things for the girls like nagging about starting school things and eating vegetables but otherwise that was Xander's job and they agreed with that. DC's slayer helped with that too. The kids adored her because she took them on field trips.
They gathered to the white house to talk to the new president about his dating problems just in time to see him insulting another world leader.
"Just because you won that poker game and I gave you a blow job doesn't mean I'm going to be any nicer to you than I am to anyone else," Xander said dryly, smirking at that one. "Really. And if anyone says something, oh well. I've slept with KGB officers who were great in bed too." He smirked as he shrugged. "And other agents and arms dealers and all sorts of people for stress relief. If they pick on that, well, I can probably steal a spouse and make them want me more.
"The fact that you're not attracted to me means you're not as dangerous as you think you are." He waved a bit. "But we can be friendly and polite as long as you quit being a dick. Because I'm not into all that sneering stuff. So, are you going to be more polite?" he asked with a smile. "Or do I walk off laughing and talking about that poker night?"
"I think we can be polite. Though others will look at me oddly."
"You got a blow job. That happens at times. You wouldn't be the first ever, even in your country." He huffed. Xander smiled. "Up to you to be polite."
"I can be polite and diplomatic."
"Cool! And if you run into Dimitri again, send him my way?"
"As far as I know he's now married."
"That sucks. Half of my past lovers are somewhere farther away or dead. I really could use stress relief before I take things out on the agents." He glared at those two, who shrank away from him. "I heard, dude. Yeah, only the deadly and dangerous are attracted to me. I've dated more arms dealers than agents, but they're well represented on both ends of the spectrum." The other politician laughed at that and nodded.
"It kept me from having screaming fits after many battles. And before some battles, and sometimes to get weapons for the slayers." He grinned. "Otherwise, unless I find someone more decent, oh well. Suck it up. I'd really love some of mine to do that since so many hated me getting off too." He walked off with the politician. "So how's the mistresses? Still five or are you still ignoring Amaya?"
"I have no idea who that is." Xander showed him a picture and he groaned. "No, I do know her but she is not a mistress."
"Pity. I found her exciting in bed. Maybe you should try that again. Might make you scowl less."
"Most politicians are not as blunt as you."
Xander smirked. "I'm not going to change who I am for this job. I'm the same guy I grew up being, the same asshole I was in Africa when I needed to be, and the big brother of the mini slayers. That's not going to change. Even if there's higher beings who wanted me here to help protect the world from the next serious invasion. So we need to integrate your people into that plan as well. I'm letting Rick Flag do that part for me. He knows more about Europe's militaries than I do. I'll do Asia and Africa's if we have to."
"That would be reasonable. I have heard of his service."
"He's an interesting guy. We've had a few beers over the last few years. He's the only one that said I should have yelled back at some of the generals I really wanted to yell at." He opened a door with a hand wave. "Age before beauty."
The other leader snorted. "I am not that much older."
"You are. I'm barely forty-six. You're old enough to be my dad."
"Point."
"But not my daddy. Thanks."
"Gladly." They went to have that meeting now that the fussing was over with. He was not going to push on this one, Xander would not need to push back against him. If something big got started he could handle things and make him sorry.
He had heard about a warning against invading another country by way of a demon strip-o-gram that had sang a song warning them about not making him mad by hurting people on purpose. Pity that hadn't worked but then again, those politicians were now taken by some very nice succuba. He would not get them back easily.
He would not underestimate this young man.
***
A reporter found Xander walking the minis back to their house. "No reporters near mini slayers," he ordered, blocking their view. "At all please. Or else I have to get mean. I'll write myself a pardon for beating someone." They moved to cameras away from the kids. Xander moved to look at them in view. "What's up this time?"
"Sir, you've had male lovers?"
"I've had both, why?"
"You're probably the first gay president."
"I'm more bi than gay. I did nearly marry a woman." They nodded at that. "I've had males and females in the course of my life, a lot for stress relief after or before battles. Why are you asking about that in front of kids?"
They looked, the minis were being walked off by the guards. Then back at him. They noticed one hiding behind his legs. "Are you dating now?" one asked. "Being delicate about it."
"Not really. I haven't *dated* in a while. No one I've seen causally wanted me to *date*." He looked down. "You could've gone with the others."
"You know how my mother is."
"I do." He petted her head. "Get out from underneath my butt please. They won't take your picture." She shifted to his side, hugging his legs. He looked at the reporters again. "What I do in my bedroom is my business."
"It could've compromised you. Some people are calling that treason."
Xander snorted. "Me causally seeing someone isn't going to change anything about how I feel on any topic. We're not actually there to talk," he said dryly. "Anything else? And you can tell them it proves what sort of person they are that they're attracted to me and fighting it." He walked the kid off.
"C'mon. They're going to eat all the cookies if we don't hurry." She nodded, running ahead but not too far ahead. The guards let them in when she knocked. He rolled his eyes. "They're worried it'll change how I vote on things," he said dryly. The guards nodded. "Not like they want to ask me things."
"They could ask you for favors," one said.
"It's usually the other way around. A lot of them helped the girls get weapons and help for battles." They slumped but nodded. "Not like you guys gave the girls weapons." He grinned. "Which I think I signed something to change." He followed the mini into the kitchen. "Did you save me a single cookie this time?" They handed him the single cookie that was waiting on him. "Thanks, girls."
He gave them all hugs. "I'll see you tomorrow." They nodded and went to watch some tv with the guards and the senior slayer in the area who was now their house mom. Xander strolled back to the white house. The guards with him were worried. Xander looked at them. "Guys, no one's going to snipe me. They think Rick will be a hardass on everyone if he gets the higher seat."
"Still a worry, sir. You could let us drive you."
Xander frowned. "How am I supposed to be getting my daily exercise?"
"We have a gym."
"I know. I've used it. It's a bit behind the times but it's nice enough. I still need exercise beyond that. So do the girls. If you're that paranoid, build a tunnel."
"We have two tunnels," he admitted, considering it. "I don't know where the other end is beyond a garage." The guards shared a look then decided they'd look into it. Some car sped up and spun near them but Xander shot a tire and they drove off quickly. Xander grinned and waved at their back ends. "Sir!"
"What?" He frowned at him. "They're not that bad."
"That's our job."
"Okay but I got there first." He walked on with the guards shaking their heads behind him. They had to talk to the other guards on duty to figure out how to make the president see that their job was to guard him, not his job to handle things. Maybe the Colonel could talk to him about it? He had to understand that already. Right?
***
Rick Flag looked at the guards waiting on him after dinner that night. "What?" He was already tired of the Secret Service guards running to him to fix Xander's things for them.
"Sir, can you talk to Mr. Harris about how we're supposed to be guarding him? We had someone attempt a drive-by earlier and he pulled a gun before we could or move him."
"I'd do the same thing."
"Sir, please?"
"I'll try but we're not the sort to be leading behind the lines. Xander's been in most battles for humanity. He's not going to hide behind you guys like some of the senators would. We're used to jumping into things and solving them."
"We understand that but you realize you can't do that now?"
"Bullshit," Rick said with a smile that his squad would realize meant he was pissed off and about to beat them to death. "If there's a battle we're needed at, I'm still going. I'm still in charge of Task Force X. I still have to handle big things that endanger people. The same as he's still going to be working with the slayers and handling bigger threats to humanity."
"That's not really a job for either of you."
"Yay. Suck it up. That's not going to change for either of us. They elected us because we handle those things and the one upcoming as well. If there's a battle in DC, we're both going to be there. If a huge demon shows up, Xander's going to handle it before even the slayer assigned to DC can. That's who we are and why we got elected."
"We're supposed to be protecting you."
"Then train with us to jump in with us." He grinned as Harley strolled in with a bat. "Bad night?"
"Few muggers at the bar." She shrugged but grinned at the guys. "It won't stop either of them from being the huge hero studs they are. Xander took on a whole invasion by himself. He had two battles where he was naked with a sword in the rain." Rick shuddered. "Even if he was paralyzed in a chair, he'd still be there with artillery. It's the guy he grew into."
"Miss Quinzel, did you do a lot of profiling on him?"
"Yup." She beamed at them. "He was my senior project."
They nodded. "We'll go over his profile with you in a few days?" She shrugged but nodded. "We're trying to make them let us protect them."
"Then I'd step in and learn how to join our squad or the slayers," she said, leaning on the desk beside Rick. "Because that's the only way you'll be able to protect them with the stuff they get into."
"If something happens in DC, isn't the Secret Service the agents in charge of scenes until a military unit shows up?" Rick asked. "So you'd have to handle the demon battles too."
"We make sure the slayers can get there."
"There's only two senior, patrol cleared girls in the area," Harley said. "The baby slayers are to be protected and Xander would expect you to do that instead of him." They winced. "The baby slayers aren't going to be harmed or Xander will destroy your agency by hand with his axe." She smiled. "He'd probably enjoy it. It might even stop a battle to watch him destroy the people who tried to force his minis into a battle then he'd go back to it once they were safer."
"I can understand that. It's not an easy transition for some but we do have to protect him."
"He'd tell you to protect the minis," Rick said. "The same as I will. You are to protect those mini slayers the same as you would a presidential child. No matter what." He stared at the guards. "That is an order and I will make sure your director understands and agrees."
He straightened up from his lean. "We put up with guards on us. It gives us someone to talk to mostly. Gives us someone to handle some things so we can handle more important things. But you will *never* get us to allow total protection on us. At all. We'll accept the *help*. We won't accept being treated like damsels."
Harley looked at him. "You'd look really funny in the tower with the hair." He swatted her with a scowl. She smirked. "You would! Xander would look better in the gown." He swatted her again. "Hey!" she giggled.
He sighed, looking at the guard again. "The Squad has driven my sanity to an all time low recently. They're bored."
"We can take their place with more guards," the second guard said.
"Like fuck," Harley said dryly. "We don't trust you guys." She smiled. "You guys have proven yourself to not be neutral about who you guard and how. Some of us may be a bit psycho but we're good at what we do. Which is protect the bossman and handle huge shit that could destroy humanity. Neither guy is the normal politician. That's why they elected them."
"I can see that but it is our duty."
"It's your shared duty," Rick said. "And we have some of that ourselves because we're not going to let someone treat us like we're kids again. Hell, I had to protect myself as a kid too. So did Harris probably." He smiled. "Hopefully the next president will be more normal for you guys to cover."
"We'll figure it out and work with you," the second agreed. They went to talk to their teams and the higher ups again. One of them floated an idea to get the baby slayers back to Cleveland and the 'Squad' back to their prison home. Or maybe a psych hospital. They might have to so they could do their jobs.
***
Six days later, Xander walked through a hospital and signed orders to release people. He grinned at the doctor. "I'm firing the people who sent them here."
"They could use our services. As could you, sir."
Xander grinned. "Watch me blow up the hospital." He beamed. "Because I'm not going to let this shit go on." He went to get the people out, nodding. "Who're we missing?" he asked.
"Just two," Katana admitted. "I have not seen them."
He looked around. "Harley and Deadshot." He snapped his fingers. "Take me to 'em."
"Sir, you're not in charge here," the doctor said happily. He was clearly on his own drugs.
Xander smirked and held up the judicial order. "This is to close your shitty center." The doctor took it and swore as he stomped off. "Find 'em." His guards, who he had specially picked for this duty, got into the computer system to do that. They were in a basement 'treatment' area. He went in to release them both and nodded. "Upstairs. Car's outside. Hit it."
They went to do that, limping on the way. Xander let the officials handle things since he had brought people to help him shut this down. He looked at the group by the car. "He's helping the minis for me. I've fired nineteen guards who decided to put you under Waller again. Get in the car so we can go back."
"Waller did that?" Harley demanded.
"Yup. And this building will be demolished with her in it once all the patients are out." He held the door so they'd get in and he got into the front to drive them off. By the time he got back, all the girls were safely back and protected. The one that worried about being alone with men was okay. The senior slayer had gotten the curse from her mother eased by saving her. Rick had shot that agent who had forced her to be alone with him. And a few others.
The girls were having ice cream, Giles was showing up that night to hover over the girls with Faith, and Xander was going to lose his temper on the Secret Service. He'd make sure this stupid wasn't going to happen again. He parked and got out, changing keys with Rick. "My baby slayers?"
"They're fine, Xander. Faith and Giles are on the way to make sure. They're looking forward to having ice cream with you. They're calm. That curse got ended." Xander smirked a bit. "Mine?"
"The hospital will be demolished with Waller in it once all the patients are moved. If she tries to hide, you can hunt her down and put her back in there."
"I can do that," he agreed. "Guys, we need medical?"
"We've had plenty," Harley quipped. She was clearly putting pressure on a wound on her arm.
He stared at her. "I meant good medical. Our medic is on their way up."
"Could use a few stitches," she said. The others nodded. "Deadshot's about to pass out."
"We can use the white house infirmary." He drove them that way because their medic was already being flown up; she got out of the helicopter to run inside when he notified them to reroute her. She met them there and pulled people over to work on them.
Xander finally got back and walked out to make a statement. "If people can't act like good people around myself and the Colonel, then they should probably quit their jobs before I ruin their agency. Completely." He looked around the room.
"I've had enough already. The Secret Service has a lot to answer for today. Including trying to harm my baby slayers I'm working with. The hell to pay they brought on themselves." He walked out to go fix that problem. The Secret Service was going to have to shape up or be dismantled. He was not putting up with that. Not around his baby slayers and not around the Squad.
***
The head of the FBI walked into his office. "Sir," he started.
"Are you going to apologize for your agents helping terrorize little girls?" he asked, not looking up.
"Were my agents involved?"
"Yup." He looked up as he handed over stills from the security video. "I believe some of those are yours."
He looked. "I know six of them. I'll fix that tonight, sir." He stared at him. "We do need the Secret Service."
"Then they should reshape themselves so they're not the sort of group that would hate us for being able to protect ourselves." He smiled slightly. "Or threaten my minis or throw his team into a mental hole of torturing....."
"No, none of that was legal action. The director has offered to resign if need be."
"I have no idea who's going to replace him. Well, I could put someone in charge that Rick recommends I guess." He smirked. "Not like I play politics. I think it's what's wrong with the US today." He handed over something. "Racial and gender neutral hiring orders. Proofread that for me. Tell me where my idea's not good."
He read it over. "Blind hiring isn't a bad thing. The first levels being by chat system instead of in person would save us some time. Also lets us know how computer savvy some people are." He looked at his boss. "It's not a bad idea. How long to implement it?"
"A year."
"I can see that." He handed it back. "Few spelling errors."
"Find me an assistant? Mine ran from the girls asking her questions and never came back."
"I can tell someone that, sir." He left, going to talk to the other directors. They were not going to be happy but the president was an asshole and he had warned them he was an asshole. He was proving it this week because they had made him. It was a hard lesson to learn.
***
Rick looked at his assembled teams. All the ones who were Squad, are Squad, or could be Squad were there. He needed a lot more backup than the original four could give him. And sanity too. "As you all know, I got tapped for a duty that sucks; to be honest it's one I never wanted."
He stared around the group. "As of this point forward, because the Secret Service has proven to be not neutral towards myself or the president, at least one of you will be up here at all times in DC to be on guard patrol." He smirked. "Yes, that explosive in your brains will be employed so you don't run off while deployed. You do any sort of crime without my authority, and I'll make sure it's a spectacle when I set it off."
He waved a hand. "You'll be a household name because I'll have it televised on tv to prove that you're an imbecile to screw this up for all of you. So we're going to make sure you're all up to that task. Because if you lose the president and I have to take the big chair, I'll kill you all by hand and have a lot of fun doing it. Am I clear?" They all nodded. "Good!" He clapped his hands together and smirked back at the doorway then at them.
"By the way, we have a part-time trainee with us today, kids. Meet your fellow student, President Xander Harris." Xander grinned and waved. "I'm sure most of you know who he is and what he's handled. One of you will always be with each of us to guard us. In Xander's case you can't really stop his dates but if you're enemies....eeehh." He shrugged.
"Just let me have sex first," Xander said. "I need the stress relief. Congress is worse than a houseful of bitchy slayers." He stretched his arms up. "I am not the best hand-to-hand person. Never have been. I've been the guy who'd pick up something and use it though." They all grinned at that while he continued to stretch. "Gun work, I'm a bit behind. It's been years since I used anything shooting that wasn't artillery or a crossbow. So yeah, I'll let you guys help me with that."
"Can we bring him on missions to be a distraction?" Harley asked, beaming at them.
"If we can spring us both, sure," Rick decided. "Springing us both may be a problem though." She nodded and sighed, bouncing her head around. He waved Xander over, letting him stand beside him. "In return for training with him he'll teach us how to do watcher things. So we can fully back up slayers. Because none of us want to be eaten."
Xander looked at him. "I'd love it if some of my ex's tried though. It might be the most fun I've ever had in bed."
Rick patted him on the back. "I'm buying you a hooker, Xander."
"Okay." He nodded. "Just don't tell the girls. Faith will giggle but Kennedy will heave a fit worthy of the teenage princess she used to be." He grinned at the thugs and villains. "So, guys...." They attacked and Xander held most of them off. He did mug Harley, making her shriek as he tickled her during it but he got her bat and it was easier on him.
Peacemaker looked at him. "Your side is still sore."
"Yeah. I'm permanently missing ribs there, dude."
"Ow." He sighed but tried to hit him there. So Xander got him with the bat in the nuts. "That's mean," he complained as he crumpled. "You're a guy."
"Yes but I train girls all day long. Especially my minis. Oh, and people, do not hurt my minis. I will enjoy torturing your asses like I'm Harley's ex." He grinned sweetly. "A lot. And then have you healed and start *all* over again." They nodded at that. "The minis are my priority to guard. If it's them or me, you handle them." That got a mass nod. "I want them to grow up mostly normal girls but if one of you wanted to add to their educations, then I'm okay with that."
Deadshot snorted, shaking his head. "Your minis are tough little bitches. We saw them on that film of you teaching them to chase Flag. We shared it around."
Xander nodded. "It sucks they have to be sometimes."
"No parents?" Bloodsport asked.
"All the minis in the house are orphans or social services cases." He shrugged. "We let them stay at home if they can. Most of the present teenagers were around during the First Evil's stuff so they're mostly orphans, or a few who showed up for extensive training times. If they're under twelve and in the house most likely there's a social worker in their life. Except for two, their parents are military and they're on duty somewhere else but couldn't bring the kids."
Bloodsport nodded. "I'm glad it wasn't my daughter."
"We hate that it's anyone's daughter but no one else will do the job. We've proved that a number of times over the years. That's why I don't have a Junior to take my spot. I'll be with them until I die protecting them or something weird happens thanks to the PTB deciding I'm in the way." He waved a hand with a grin. "Like this was."
Rick Flag nodded. "Unfortunately. Anyone had any new visions about that incident?"
"I haven't yet and I'm the main seer at the Council. The girls get dream versions. I get the splitting headache, oh fuck me now sort of visions." He looked at them. "And meds don't work at all on that pain. So feel *really* lucky that wasn't your job." He grinned at them. "Actually, no medical for me if you can manage it. I can do most of my own injuries but I've been exposed to various problems over the years. I don't think I'll infect you though." He grinned.
"Demons bled on you when you fought them," Harley said.
He nodded with a grin. "Yup. And I fell into a tomb and got diseases thanks to the ghosts. Plus one ex-boyfriend I blew up with a grenade up the ass." He snapped his fingers. "One of my ex's in Africa wrote me to say that he said Hi, Flag. He apparently served with you. He's taken over Paulie's stuff after I sent the cannibal gerbils."
"Cannibal gerbils," Deadshot said, considering it. "How bad was that? Gerbils only eat lettuce." Xander pulled out his phone to show him the footage he had taken. It wasn't directly in there but it took less than half an hour for the whole compound to have fled or die. "That's nasty."
"I was being nice." Xander took his phone back to put into his pocket. "I had a lot of options there and decided to use the fluffy, nice one." He beamed. "Then I put some of those ants that can strip a cow in under thirty minutes in there to have fun."
"Was that what mutated a few of them to be over five feet tall?" Rick asked.
"Yup." He grinned and nodded. "They got into the lab."
"Ah," the whole group said with a nod.
Peacemaker got up, still holding himself. "You're so much like one of us but you don't like guns."
"I do like guns. I don't find them absolutely useful in my life," Xander corrected. "Artillery is much more handy."
"Point. I'd hate to shoot a ten foot neck apart," Bloodsport agreed.
There was a pause then Deadshot said, "Let's go back to hazing the rookie." And it went back to sparring time.
***
This Was Not What I Wanted To Be When I Grew Up!