Clint woke Xander up that night, getting blinked at. "Want to hit a bar?"
Xander blinked a few times. "Dinner?"
"We can do that." He grinned, pointing at the tray on the table. "I had one brought up. Fury's decided if we do more than be friends it's okay so he's not paying any attention to us."
Xander grinned. "That's always a bad idea." He sat up, taking the tray. He ate quickly then showered. He came out looking at Clint. "How did you handle the guilt?"
"Remember Botswana?"
"Not really."
"What if you had screwed a few people down there?"
"Did I?"
"Would you feel guilty when I showed you the pictures?" Clint asked dryly. Xander considered it then shook his head. "Same thing only we were all drugged against our wills. None of us had planned on it, wanted it, or fought it. We do have to do something about the resort's coven though. They're nagging and smug."
Xander nodded. "I don't like that either. It went from feeling safe to being the most dangerous place I could be. I can't relax there anymore."
"Then open a secondary site. Leave that one to the witches of the world and make a new one with a better strip club, more practical shops, and the same protections."
"Can I do that?"
"Yeah. According to the will he had started to set up a second one but it was smaller."
"I guess it wouldn't hurt to look." Xander considered it. "What sort of bar?"
"I don't care. Just off base. Want tits or strip club or what?"
"I'm not sure I'm up to stripping."
Clint grinned. "We can see." He hauled him up. "Put on hot clothes. We need to look hot."
Xander nodded, grabbing stuff to put on. They snuck off the base together, going to a local strip joint. Not great but cheap beers tonight. They moved from there to a better bar with a dance floor. That helped them both loosen up. They went to a better class of strip club and it was nicer. Clint resisted the urge to get them both onto the stage but Xander wasn't wanting too hard. Maybe if they weren't in New York, where everyone knew he was an Avenger. He and Xander shared a look then Xander leaned over to hiss in his ear, making Clint nod. They disappeared from there. They made sure they had their wallets then went to the more fun clubs in LA. They had all sorts of fun out here and a few women danced between them. It was fun and one they let steal them to a backroom to play with. This club nicely rented rooms for VIP customers.
When they got done with her they got a few new drinks and changed bars to somewhere less hip. The cab driver dropped them at somewhere that looked dark and scummy but inside was more private. They had private table dancers that went from table to table. The drinks were expensive but better quality. The dancers talked them into dancing with one of them. That was nicer and they could have a good time here.
***
Natasha had checked Clint's room on the helicarrier, she had checked his room at the tower. Now she was checking Xander's temporary room at the base. No answer so she did what she did to those other ones, picking the lock quietly so she could check on Clint. No male bodies. She had no idea where they were or what was going on this time so she relocked Xander's door and headed up to the control deck. She squatted next to one desk. "Where is Barton?" she asked quietly.
"Last sighted in LA with a young man, two young women, and a leopard cub for some reason, Agent Romanoff." He found the footage the satellite had tagged for him.
She grimaced. "I know one of them from somewhere." She pointed. "Run her."
"Too grainy. Agent Hill already had me try."
"Thank you." She stood up and walked over to Hill's desk. "Where are they?"
"An upscale hotel in LA that is presently under SWAT action," she said, looking at her. She showed her the satellite feed. Natasha sighed. "No sign of the leopard cub."
"Great." They watched as more officers rushed in. They came out with the two women in cuffs. They came out with the leopard cub purring and trying to playfully pounce one of the officers. He was trying to pet her to keep her calm. Clint and Xander walked out together, shirtless but together and wearing sunglasses. Natasha leaned closer. "Xander is wearing Clint's sunglasses."
"Interesting to note but we agreed yesterday we don't care." She smirked at her coworker. "Do you care?"
"No. The others on the team I am not so sure of."
"You can beat them into submission if he can't."
"Very true." She walked off calling Clint's phone. No answer. She waited ten minutes and tried again. No answer. She waited another ten. A grunt answered. "Are you well?" she asked. She heard some unknown male voice tell Clint his phone was sounding like a girlfriend. He quipped as he answered. "Are you well?" she repeated. She listened to him report what had happened and that Xander was cuddly with a hangover, like usual. "Good to know. Are you coming back soon? I can arrange transport.... he can? That's handy." She hung up when the line went dead. Xander and Clint, still shirtless and wearing sunglasses, appeared and wandered off to their rooms. "Xander, down one floor," she said quietly. A smart woman would not pick on a guy like Xander when he had a hangover.
Clint grinned at her. "We're off today, right?"
"As far as I know the world is not expected to end this week."
"Even better. Xander said I could go with him to get his first normal tattoo." He grinned.
"I'm sure it'll be good bonding for you both." She stared at him. "What were they?"
"Mean to their leopard cub. The jewel smuggler tried to get it to castrate us." He shrugged but grinned. "It wanted to cuddle instead because she's in heat."
Natasha nodded. "Have a good nap, find me when you wake up for sparring." He waved, jogging to his bed. Natasha sighed, going to report that. Jewel thieves weren't usually on their list.
***
Two days later, Hill walked up to a jail cell in New York, staring at the two men in there. They were slightly bruised. A little battered around the edges, but looked happy. "What did you two do?" she demanded. "It had better justify Stark having to tell me you were arrested."
Clint shrugged, leaning against the wall. "We were playing pool talking about the tattoo Xander's getting in a few days. Two guys decided to sneer at me about having a friend, being an Avenger, and being an archer. He called me girly and I just let it go, shooting back he'd only know if he had looked and I didn't let guys like him look." She raised an eyebrow. "He stomped off in a girlish snit."
Xander nodded. "A teenage girlish snit."
"Then the other guy tried to pick on Xander. Told him he was nothing and obviously just a stoner or something. Xander kindly pulled up a video of him at a battle and held it up. The guy backed away and then screamed and ran off. Xander put the phone back and we finished the game. That one got twenty of their friends to come pounce us for knowing about demons." Hill huffed. "We were good, Hill. We only knocked them down and out. We let the police handle them. They were still there when the huge guy who looked like a sci-fi nightmare showed up to save his people. I don't know what sort of steroids he was taking or if he had strange implants but he looked weirdly muscled on top of weirdly muscled on top of pipestem arms."
"Like Popeye on steroids," Xander put in from where he was laying down with a hand over his eyes.
"Without the sailor suit," Clint added. "He showed up to nag us about picking on the local guys. We pointed out we didn't, we just defended ourselves when one of them got dumb and decided we were fair game. So he took a swing at Xander, who he thought was easier. Xander blocked it and hit back. He went down. The others in the bar and his gang showed up to help him." He grinned, showing a cut on the inside of his lip. "Their girls were tougher than the guys but it was only fourteen against us."
Hill sighed, looking at the officer waiting on her. "Are they going to be arraigned today?"
"They're in protective custody, ma'am."
"Because we were doing really good but there was a plant demon in the bar and he called in that I had been jumped. So a few demons showed up to watch the fight," Xander said with a nod. "And that scared them. Then we had to beat their asses to keep them off the demons." Clint nodded. "And their buddies that showed up to protect them, including two supposed knights. We had a talk with them about the Council way. One snorted so I knocked him into next month with a hex and the other one decided it was a good idea so I introduced him to the demons by species and let them introduce themselves. They asked him to handle something minor going on since they decided I must be here for something huge. Then they congratulated Clint on hanging onto me for so long." Clint grinned, patting him on the head. "They're very happy that we defended the harmless ones that said they came to stare in awe at me."
"More of the peaceful demons were showing up to stare in awe at him," the officer told Hill. "So we promised we'd bring them somewhere safe and call his partner so she could come pick them up. Is she a slayer?"
"No, she's just well trained," Clint quipped with a grin. "She's my work partner."
"That's a great thing then. The local slayer is a bit of an airhead."
Xander looked at him. "Since when has Vadma been an airhead?"
"She graduated so we have Tiffy," the officer said with a grin. "She's sweet but clueless."
Xander shuddered. "I'm so sorry. Watch out for her and cotton candy. She still believes it's demonic. She might try to destroy it because she thinks eating it will turn you or at least infect you with demon parts." The officer winced. "She's good on the physical stuff but she'll 'eww' about her clothes until the demons give up and stomp off. She's done it *many* times."
"Did she learn it from Buffy?" Clint asked.
"No, she's always been like that. The cotton candy thing comes from her mom." He looked up at him. "We were giving the slayer sex ed talk. I got roped into it so I could tell them what shitbags guys are, direct quote from Buffy." He grinned. "She still believed in the stork. Even though she'd had sex she still believed in the stork. She tried to make them work together by the stork bringing the fertilized egg to implant." Clint grinned. "I like Tiffy. She's a sweet girl as long as she's not needed to get dirty. Or do chemistry, which she decided was what had infected Willow to make her evil."
Clint smiled at the officer. "Does she have a backup team?"
"Yes, sir. We have a few officers who are always on call for her to get messy for her. They even taught her about coveralls."
Xander grinned. "They can be handy. Tiffy, I can smell the apple perfume."
"I'm not dumb," she pouted, coming out of the shadow.
"I didn't say you were dumb, I said you were sweet and naive," he said. He smiled at her. "You're not dumb, you can do algebra in your head. I flunked algebra with Willow cheating for me." She perked up and grinned. "I know you're not dumb, but you're very unique."
"It's a good thing I didn't want to be Buffy for real. Vampires make sucky dates and your dating time is limited to nights. No walks in the park or anything." She smiled at Agent Hill. "Hi, I'm the Slayer Tiffy." She hugged her.
Hill patted her and got free. "I'm Senior Agent Hill of SHIELD. I'm Agent Barton's boss."
"Awwwwwww! That's so cool!" She grinned at Clint. "Can you tell Dr. Banner I'm a *huge* fan? Even when he's green?"
"I can do that."
"Cool beans! Thanks, Clinty."
"Clint, not Clinty," he said dryly, smirking at her. She just grinned back. "So can we go?"
"You can go," the officer agreed, letting them out. "They found the Knights we've been wondering about last night, Tiffy."
"I hexed one and the other one's working with the community," Xander said, pausing to give her a hug. "You're too damn skinny again. Go eat something. Before I have to tell Faith to nag."
Tiffy blushed but grinned and bounded out with them chattering the whole way. They went to a deli and she even bought since she ate nine times what the guys had. Agent Hill was amused but the slayer did have a naive grace to her. When Hill got back she handed the director the tape of the incident. He watched it, his good eye twitching at the cuteness. Hill smiled. "That's the local slayer, Sir."
"I can tell. The boy does good nagging her. Where are they?"
"Barton's quarters. We let Xander move up to his and hover on his couch."
"That's fine. I'm sure they're used to sharing a tent. That muscle guy?"
"I sent an order to look him up on the city's cameras." She looked out there. "Anything?" They brought in a picture and a copy of his state ID card. "He's a wannabe wrestler," she said, handing it over.
Fury looked at him. "Those have to be fake. Muscles don't look like that naturally."
"There's implants for everything these days," the lesser agent said. "Including pecs, sir." He went back to his seat.
Fury shook his head. "I don't know why anyone would do that."
"Some people can't build real muscle, even with a gym membership they use," Hill said. "The boys are finishing their sleeping it off." She went back to her desk.
***
Natasha walked onto the command deck, looking at Hill. "Are they off having fun again?"
"The last I knew they were still in Barton's room." She got into the cameras, finding them not in there. She ran it back, finding six figures in black carrying the guys out a few hours earlier. "How did we get invaded and not know?" she demanded. Agents on the command deck stared at her. "People, we had two people stolen from an agent's room! How did we not see this?" she demanded.
Natasha looked at the pictures. "She has never shown an interest in Xander." Hill turned to glare at her. "That is Misery's people."
"Fuck," Fury said. "Someone pull up the files." They pulled up the security cameras and ran it back once Hill had selected a time. They were subtle but not totally subtle. They had gassed a few agents. Hill sent teams to get them to the infirmary. Fury sent a team to get them back. They came back in a large shipping crate that night, tied up and drugged so they were giggling and cuddly. This was probably a bad thing.
***
When Natasha and her rescue team got to Xander and Clint in the backwoods of upper India, they were not amused to find the guards all working for Clint, and him being treated like a pasha with Xander napping next to him in monkey form. Natasha paused, staring at him. "Is this like how you got the resort?"
"Not exactly but we decided Misery needed mercy and she's told them all to treat me well. Xander, Nat's here," he said, petting the sleeping monkey.
"You named your new pet after your friend?" one of the agents asked.
Xander changed back. "It happens when I'm sick."
"He's coming down from malaria again," Clint said. He stood up. The ladies around them pouted, one of them petting over Xander's hair. "I have to go back home to be an Avenger. Sorry."
"Can we keep the other Master?" one of the girls cooed, petting Xander while leaning her chest against his back.
"No, sorry. I need Xander to help me with stuff." They pouted.
Natasha looked at them then at Clint. "Do I want to know?"
"Probably not," he said with a grin.
"Sire," one of the gate guards said as he came in. "We have hauled the jet into the gates and hidden it because the corrupt locals are coming up the road to try something." He nodded at the agents. "That way you'll be safe for now." He went back out front.
Xander got free and stood up, going out there. He climbed up onto the fence, staring at the man that got out of the fancier-than-it-needed-to-be car. "Yes?"
"Where is the mistress of this house?" he demanded.
"Gone." The man spluttered. "She left things to us when she left."
"Who are you?" he demanded.
"Watcher Xander Harris." The man backed up, looking horrified. All his people did as well. He grinned. "We're working on things, including making this a possible training center for the slayers. What problem did you have with her? We may be able to fix it peacefully."
"She was evil," one of the guards said. "She took out men."
Xander nodded. "I've had to do that too. I was in Africa for years. People attacked others." They all stared at him. He smiled a tiny bit. "I am not the sort to walk into an attack and do nothing, gentlemen. As for Misery, she's no longer here. We are taking good care of her people. We are figuring out how to change her legacy so it'll work for those of us who do good."
"She has not paid her taxes," the official sneered.
Xander stared at him. "I've seen worse bribe wanting from Ivory Coast pirates. I defeated them." The man's eyes went wide and he started to shake. "Slayers do not pay bribes. We also do not *have* to be at demon emergencies. Do remember that." The man swallowed, nodding. "Now, is there anything else that is needed since you now know I'm not evil and I don't pay bribes?" They got into the cars and headed off. Xander grinned and waved. "Have a good day, gentlemen." He made sure the spell to keep them from the property was laid well before going back inside. "I laid protections on the cornerstone."
"That's good," Natasha said. "What did he want?"
"Bribes. Probably to rape any women here. His people were less than usually dressed. I told them I was thinking about training slayers here." The girls all cooed at him. He smiled. "We should be safe."
Clint hugged him. "Nice job." Xander grinned back. "Think it's safe to go?" The women all went on a wailing fit. "Ladies," he said firmly. "You knew we couldn't stay for good."
Natasha looked at them. "What did you do to them?"
"We treated them like ladies instead of slaves," Xander said.
"It did help," Clint said. "Misery's down in the cells. She asked for one of her concubines to be with her and he agreed. We haven't checked on her in a few days because it looked like she wanted one last good one." Natasha sent agents to check on her." He looked outside because it started to rain hard. "Wow, monsoon season," he sighed. "When is the next clear time?" he called.
"Two days. The storm is due to be hard for two days and then minor rain for the rest of the week," one of the guards yelled back. Someone brought in a printed weather report. "The winds will be too high to take off."
Natasha looked it over, nodding. "It is supposed to be." She handed it to Clint, who nodded. "Are you well otherwise?"
"We're good," Clint said, looking at Xander, who nodded. He grinned at her. "Since you can't go tonight, let's let you rest."
"Thank you," she said. She made a hand motion. "Set shifts." They moved to do that. The agent that had went down to check on their prisoner came back up to hiss in her ear. "You were right, she wanted a last one."
"She take him with her?" Xander asked.
"Yes, sir. They're cuddled together and he looks happy," that agent said. Xander nodded. "I'll take first watch on the jet, ma'am." She nodded.
"Let me start on dinner," Clint said.
"I can cook," Xander said.
"It's not over an open fire, Xander. You don't use a stove." He smirked at him. "Stay, let the ladies spoil you." Xander yelped as they pulled him down to fuss over him but Clint got knocked down by one, who sashayed off to go cook. "Sure, you can cook if you want."
Natasha followed her to look over the kitchen. "One of us is allergic to peanuts." It was a test because no one was. The woman nodded and made sure the food didn't have any. She came back out to stare at her partner. "Are you okay otherwise?"
"I'm good. No torture, no questioning, nothing mean. How did we get here?"
"They snuck people in to steal you both from your room."
"Ah." Clint nodded. He looked at Xander. "I owe you that five bucks." Xander grinned. "Remind me when we get home."
"I can do that or the next time I'm short." Tea was brought out and Xander tasted it then let the others have it. Natasha stared at him. "I can do a healing charm if there's anything in it."
"Good to know." She settled in with them. They had to discourage the women from keeping Xander and Clint. They were being possessive and clingy. Even worse than the resort's cadre of witches.
***
Maria Hill and Tony Stark walked into the room where Willow was waiting on them. "We're going to use your skills," Hill said. "Mostly because it's your person they want out of the way for helping people."
Stark handed over a laptop. "This is specially designed. You can get into the files you need but nowhere else outside of gmail since we noticed you've been checking your mail. All the files you need are on there. I put some very hard to break tracking software on it. You're testing it for schools."
She nodded, grimacing. "Who did what? I've had to remove a few files in the past."
"They're using Xander to cover up for corrupt officials," Hill said. Willow sat up straighter, staring at her. "On there are the reports they filed with Agent Coulson. Also supplementary ones that Agent Barton didn't feel like filing during his time helping Xander get over things. We've been over there so we know what's going on. You are to go over them, remove or modify files as necessary, remove the warrants out for them, and then make sure their other files are suitably sanitized."
"By which you'll prove your skills and worthiness to keep breathing the same air I do," Stark told her, staring at her. "Because right now, all the avengers are all for sinking you into a thorazine coma somewhere so you can't hurt Clint again."
"Thorazine doesn't work on us," Willow said quietly. "It'd send my magic into a wild death spiral."
Tony shrugged. "That solves some issues too." He stared at her. "We'll be watching." He left.
Hill nodded. "I'll be monitoring it as well, Miss Rosenburg. We do not need people coming after our agent or your trainer for handling things." She left.
Willow got into the computer once it was plugged in. She stared at the files she had access to. She got into the reports from Xander first. She was used to his style. When she got to something she couldn't understand, she opened up Clint's files to look at them. Clint's had details Xander's didn't. She didn't want to believe what she saw but why would Clint lie to his bosses? She looked at the sites they had bookmarked for her, getting into their files. They looked a whole lot worse. Xander, her Xander, had done this? This looked really bad.
***
Fury was waiting when the quin jet landed three days later. He stared at them. "What happened?" he demanded.
"Monsoon rains meant we couldn't leave immediately," Natasha said, getting out of the way. She would not mention the ornate braided hairdo she now had. Clint had gotten tired of her staring at them so had the women do that for her. Xander and then Clint came out last.
"The idiot who took you two?" Fury asked.
"She wanted one last night with her favorite concubine, who went with her," Clint said. "That was before the rescue team got there."
Coulson walked up there, staring at them. "Good, you're fine." He pointed them to go inside. "Xander, Willow would like an email after she apologizes. We had her fixing the problems in Africa." Xander stared at him. "She looked into each event, wrote a factual, not diminished report, on what happened, and then fixed all the warrants. Clint, Stark was looking over her shoulder so some of them got shared."
"Would that be the riding the hippos to cross the river incident?" he guessed.
"I believe that was one, yes, but there was also the village full of maidens who were panicking?" He smirked a tiny bit when they both groaned. "Also something about the hell goddess you took on last, not the other two." Xander nodded, sighing at the end. "Xander, she has shared those with Mr. Giles so he has accurate reports. I believe he went on a binge and called his old friend to swear at him for tainting you toward chaos magic."
"Figures. Am I still employed?"
"Yes. Mr. Giles will be up tomorrow to talk to you." Xander sighed again but nodded. He patted him on the arm. "He was not mad at you," he said quietly. "Only that you cut down what you did to girl-friendly levels." Xander shrugged.
"Thanks," Clint said. "Let me get us to my bunk."
Xander frowned. "I can get a hotel."
"Unless you're tired of his snoring, go to the tower with him, Xander," Coulson said. Xander scowled at him. "It's safer. They have new protections they want to check. They might ask you to fire some harmless magic against them. They will not bother you. We can do your physical here so they don't have to. Then you can rest."
"I guess," he complained. Clint put an arm around Xander's shoulders, walking him off to the infirmary. "We can go over what we wanted to change about the resort."
Clint nodded, smiling at him. "We can and figure out what to set up in the new one."
"New one?" Fury demanded.
"We're going to let the old one be turned more nature friendly," Xander said. "We'll move the rest somewhere without that coven." He grinned. "We looked at the photos of the site the old owner had set up. It'll do pretty good."
"Must you?" Fury asked.
"Yes. Because I don't want to go back to the other one."
"Ditto," Clint agreed. "It's got a larger field too. That way we can put in what we want to have instead of the touristy shops that aren't doing as good."
Xander looked at him. "You sure we can hire some of her people to help?"
"Yup. They were good to us and not pushy. They'll do fine." He walked him off. "What are you doing for Halloween?"
"Praying like hell for no chaos sorcerers acting? Same as usual?"
"Stark throws a party."
Xander paused then smirked evilly at him. "I have just the costumes." Clint smirked back. They got through the infirmary after a few minutes and protesting they didn't need to have their butts checked for sexual activity. The medics snorted but let them go. They went to Clint's room to rest and go over the ideas. It was a great plan and they could easily do that.
***
Xander walked into a bar where some of his lovers hung out, putting down a note on the bar with a smile for the bartender. "The nudist resort that they go to has a new option that'll be opening next year."
"What nudist resort?"
Xander looked back in the office. "We're opening a new resort."
"Good! The witches there have pissed most of us off." He came out to look at the note. "Next year?"
"Have to build an airfield. Get a boat. Build the new resort." He smiled. "Same protections were already laid. Same rules apply."
"Good! What about the old one?"
"We're going to encourage more nature witch sorts and hippies and happy eco people to go there instead."
"Even better. Will we still have the spa?"
"Yeah and we found some nice people to run it thanks to the woman who wanted Clint." He grinned. "We'll send out a formal announcement when we've got it nearly ready to open."
"That'll work for us." He patted him on the arm. "Why are you in town?"
"They got us back from the lady that wanted Clint. I'm going back there to talk to Giles. Fury had Willow going over the places that wanted to arrest me for handling things. Giles is a tiny bit freaked out."
"Yeah, not as much as a few of your ex's, Xander. Can't you behave?"
"I needed that trip and it happened near us."
He stared at him. "Uh-huh."
"What happened in Botswana?"
He grinned. "No one's speaking of that." Xander rolled his eyes. "Maybe you can lap dance that out of someone tonight?"
"Maybe. I don't know what's going on yet."
"That's fine. Go meet up with the freaked out Mr. Giles. I'll spread this around." Xander nodded, going back to the base. He smiled at his bartender. "You'd like the resort but it's a nudist one. Very calming." He went back to his office to spread that news around.
Xander went back to SHIELD, getting there as Giles was checking in. The guards glared at Xander, who shrugged. "The big cocksucker in charge said so." They glared harder. Their boss came out to tell them to leave Xander alone. He'd break their system if they tried to use it on him. Giles gave Xander that impatient look. Xander shrugged. Once they were on the elevator he shrugged again. "No idea how that got started," he said quietly. He took him up to the office. "Agent Hill?" She looked over. "Why do I supposedly break the system?"
"Because it's got a virus. Not due to Willow but still virused. If we note you in any way it'll overwrite our system," she said dryly.
"Huh. Is Peter that bored?"
"Thank you," she said, calling Natasha. "We have the name of Peter. Then ask Barton." She hung up. "He's waiting."
"Fine." Xander walked into the office. "He's here."
"You're still going to treat me that way?" Fury asked with a smug look.
"Yup, because I got a vision last night of you having a plan that may get us all dead. Since the only way to solve it is me going back in time to take over someone's identity and then be brainwashed and mechanized so the focus changes from one guy to another...." He stared at him. Fury's mouth opened. Xander grinned. "He'll come because they don't want him to have that key to the lock."
"Fine. Thanks for the warning that old prophecy is coming to haunt us now."
"I told Clint."
"I'll see where the report is. Any other visions?"
"Something about Ward and an energy crystal but no idea why. That's all I got a flash of. I sent that to Coulson through Clint."
"Good. Thank you. Let's talk about you and your travels, kid." Xander sat down with a sigh. Giles took the other seat. "You've probably read the reports."
"Yes, I have. Including the other ones that Willow found that I was not aware I needed to read." He looked at Xander. "Since when are you a god of war?"
Xander laughed, shaking his head. "I was there, Giles, that's all that happened. I lucked into some weapons when I needed them. Maybe some of the latent magic was helping."
"Latent magic would not have accounted for Alantha waking up while you were driving by," Giles said dryly.
"Which one was she?"
"The one with two heads," he said.
"Oh, the female Janus one. The only reason I knew she woke up was because I felt something really wrong shift around me. I thought it was a higher demon appearing but since nothing showed up I asked at the next village about any weird things going on. They said they had found an ancient temple a few miles off and people were looking at it. That would be the first few slaves she had that we couldn't save."
"So they woke her up?" Giles asked.
"As far as I could tell. She sniffed me, went into fits of glee about hellmouth energy and wanting to suck it out to create her next lifeform/baby, and I let her close enough to stab her in the chest with my blessed dagger. When she was down I beheaded her. That ended the spells on the newer minions and the earlier ones died of the sucking she did."
"When you say things like that you make it sound so normal," Fury said.
Xander shrugged. "It is normal. These things happen. What did you want me to do, ignore it? She probably would've hunted me down for the hellmouth taint and been stronger when she did it."
"Perhaps," Giles agreed. "How many incidences were there that you did not report?"
"Not that many, why?" he asked, starting to shift uncomfortably.
A happy, smirking man strolled in and put a mirror on the desk then activated the spell. He patted Xander on the head. "Janus said it must be known before someone even worse tries for your attention. This way they know to guard you." He disappeared before anyone could grab him.
"Gee, thanks," Xander called. "Really helpful, Ethan." He rolled his eye, looking at Fury. "Ethan Rayne."
"I know. We have a file on him." He stared at the young guy. "How far back does that go?"
Xander looked at the frozen image. "It looks like when I was a kid." He shrugged. "I don't tend to scry all that often. I learned how to then don't use it."
Giles cleared his throat and touched the mirror to start the spell. When it went speeding past, Giles paused it and sent it back. "I was with Ethan when he created this spell."
Xander leaned over to touch their joined hands on it, mumbling something. Then he sat back until they were engrossed in the image. He snuck off, heading out to get away from the nagging he knew was coming his way. He ran into an ex sitting just outside and went with him to lunch. Until someone tased his date at the table and then hauled him up to walk him off. "It was just lunch," he complained.
"He was carrying three vials of a biological weapon earlier," she said firmly. "We do not want his sort in the US."
"Sorry. I didn't know that!"
"Which is why you're not being punished," she said, shoving him into a car, which drove off. She shook her head, going in there to gather her bad guy of the day. Xander would do fine going to lunch with Clint somewhere safe. Stark had arranged it because he wanted to see if they were *together* or just traveled together.
***
Fury shook his head as the memories quit playing, rubbing over his bad eye. "Your boy needs drugs."
"I believe the reason for that is a certain redhead. We should let her see how she's affected his life." He sighed, leaning back. "Well, now we know what they didn't report."
"It won't save Barton's ass. If I have to I'll show Romanoff so she can beat him to death for not calling in backup." He looked at the empty seat then at the other director of a semi-secret organization. "We need to make sure he doesn't have that much work to do."
"Indeed but I have no idea how to do that."
"I can find you response teams."
"That would be nice. The girls would appreciate being backed up as long as it wasn't someone out to test them or to get the attention."
"No, I think we can find some decent agents who just want the world to keep going."
"They would appreciate that but do warn them the girls all flirt. We do try to keep them being mostly normal young women."
Fury nodded. "I've seen. A few even tried on me. I told them they were real brave for it."
Giles cleared his throat but smiled and handed something over. "Willow said she needed access so got Dawn to lift it. She had been taught by Spike you see."
Fury tapped his former pass a few times then shook his head. "Your girls are neat, I like them. I'd like them to have less work...."
"We all would appreciate less work," Giles said.
"Good, then let's work on that together."
"May we have Willow back?"
"No. Her therapist said it's not a good time yet. She's still backsliding into 'I know best' land and she said it's hard going breaking that but within a few months she'll have it chipped down to over-confidence instead. You can write her." He tossed over a label. "Her therapist's office."
"That would be helpful, thank you. Buffy does miss her."
"That's because it validates her own issues with men."
"Well, yes, and Willow's not really the judgmental sort when Buffy dates someone I'd want her to take out."
"I feel the same way about Barton's recent dates," Fury complained. "Maybe Harris is an infection in that stuff. Barton's former wife was decent enough."
"Has Xander met her?"
"Yup, walked up to her after an incident once, handed her a pink rose, kissed her on the cheek while she was horrified, and said Clint told him to wish her a happy birthday since he was in the middle of nowhere being pissed off. She was not all that amused at her ex that night. Then he told her about Xander so she went on a potential mothering kick that the kid ducked. Whenever they're together somehow he'll buy her a coffee or something. It's gagging and annoying but she likes it for some reason."
"Yes, women do appreciate such things." Giles smiled. "Does Clint do the same with some of Xander's ex's?"
"No, he likes to kill them," Fury said. "That's a pretty well-liked opinion of his ex's around here. Even Hawkeye's ex has taken a few out." He stared at him. "If my guy and your guy get together, I'm all for it because it'll stop that."
"I have no idea what Xander would want on that topic. Though it is nice that Anya's ghost is now teaching the mini slayers about vikings." He sighed. "I must have someone banish her later," he muttered.
"She went to flirt with Thor."
"Yes, she told us all during dinner how she used to want to go to him as a virgin sacrifice before she married. He was about eighteen then and she thought him better than any current movie star."
"He heard," Fury said with an evil smirk.
"Yes, she's visited a few times. It's not all that odd really. Anya was quite her own woman when she was alive, or as a demon."
Fury nodded. "We can tell."
Thor walked in looking displeased. "My father said we must make peace with the Midgardians for what has been wrought and because there are many battles coming."
Giles looked up at him. "What sort of treaty did he want?"
"He wanted the maiden valkyries down here to marry one of ours."
"The slayers are more than allowed to date," Giles said. "Most don't stay maidens either. Like all warriors they do tend to relieve stress between battles." Thor smirked a tiny bit. "If they'd like to propose a few I'd be more than willing to let the single slayers meet them. That way they could find someone compatible. Because I'm certain a forced union would do no one any good when they die by someone's hand. Even if Xander would have to do so himself to spare the girls."
Thor nodded. "That is more reasonable. He will select a few and send them down?"
"That's fine," Giles agreed. "We have no known battle coming up for the next month or so. We can host an informal picnic so they can meet. That way my girls don't have to all shop the mall bare."
Thor nodded. "That is a wise idea. I will pass that on." He looked at Fury. "Your agents?"
"If they hit it off, I'm not against it."
"Thank thee." He went to call home about that. Anya appeared beside him, staring at him. "You wanted what?" he asked her, trying to stay polite. He couldn't banish or kill her so he was trying politeness to drive her away. Jane had suggested it since the shade had peeved her so.
"With the prophecies of Ragnarok coming true soon; shouldn't you worry more about those that would set things off being the best married off so they're not involved?" she asked.
He blinked a few times. "That may not solve it."
"It may solve it and the king of all that can marry the queen of slayers, who only likes them dangerous, deadly, and liking weapons."
"They named her their queen?"
"No. Buffy was the last single slayer called. Then she died and it was her and Kendra, then her and Faith, then her, Faith, and all the rest were activated. Faith is the last slayer called, Buffy is the last single slayer called. Also, she's died and come back so many times we're not sure she's not immortal." She floated closer. "Buffy only likes those who are predators. Those who can hunt with her and feel the same energy during battles." Thor stared, mouth open. "She needs a warrior who is strong yet not too uptight like you are. One who is a bit dirty would probably work well. She still patrols each night but she likes her men dangerous."
Thor blinked a few times. "I know of a few who may suit her but not that many."
"Everyone involved in the Council, most of the demon communities, and SHIELD would love for Buffy to find a real mate to lay with. Someone like your brother would be an excellent match."
"Too bad he died."
"Did he?" she asked, staring at him. She smiled. "Considering the vision of the next battle had him there?"
"You put doubts in my head."
"Yes, on purpose. Think about Loki having the evil screwed out of him, Lord Thor, and Buffy being supported by someone who could actually do the work. Plus, instant peace treaty by the marriage. Instant happier slayers because their head slayer is happier and squealing nightly. As long as he's not lame in bed it should be good for everyone because he'll be too busy helping her to start Ragnarok." She gave him a smug look.
"He's still dead."
"Ask Giles. He's seen the vision."
He went back inside. "The shade said that my brother was spotted at the next battle?" he asked.
Giles looked up at him. "There's visions for four upcoming battles, all within the next year. Which one?"
Anya floated in. "The one here with the portal thingy. He was spotted next to Amanda in the vision."
Giles pulled that vision up while Fury looked at his copy. Giles nodded. "A large, thinnish male with dark, limp hair. Green coat...."
Fury growled. "That is Loki." He looked at Thor.
"I thought him dead," he said.
"But he'd be the *perfect* one for Buffy. Dangerous, deadly, not *totally* evil, probably at least not lame in bed or she can fix that. Interested in reordering the world, so all that stuff with the demons would have someone besides my former pookie to handle treaties." She smirked at Giles. "We can contain his tendencies to want to rule the world. We do with Willow. Plus, instant treaty there. The queen of the slayers and the prince of evil screwing it out of each other. Less chance of Ragnarok happening soon."
Fury blinked at her. "It is?"
"It's possible," she said with a grin. "Xander had a partial flash of a vision about fighting in the woods on part of Asgard with some huge werewolves. Without Clint for some reason."
Fury nodded once then looked at Giles. "They should meet."
"I didn't particularly like him having the world invaded to take it over."
Anya snorted, waving a hand. "She's dated worse, Giles. I mean, she dated *Spike* for Goddess' sake! *Anything* has to be better than the dead penis society and Buffy might even have little slayers. The girls would like that. Buffy might like that because it'd mean no going on patrols for a while. With her track record of dead penis members and commandos, Loki's a real step up and he has class. Even if he's a bit evil but so is Willow so she's used to calming that stuff down." She smiled. "Plus his allies couldn't get to him down here. We need another magic user at the Council because they're all giving Xander funny looks for doing it a different way."
"How did he gain control?" Giles asked.
"The shaman taught him how." She grinned. "My poor, sad, undersexed pookie learned a lot from them. Including shielding he taught the snuggly Clint one. They'd be so hot," she moaned. "I need to go watch them. They're betting on whether or not they're together." She faded out.
Thor looked at Giles. "I would like to meet this girl."
"Buffy will be up tomorrow for the conference we need to hold," Giles said.
"That is good. I'll see if I can find where my brother is hiding. It can only be good for everyone." He walked off scowling. His brother needed to be beaten half to death before being handed to a wife.
"That may have actually stopped a much moaned about problem," Giles said.
"On our end too," Fury agreed. They smiled at each other. "I'll help do security for the wedding if they don't elope."
"We'd need some. Buffy has an unfortunate happy event curse." He sent her a message to be more than presentable as there were higher ups from Asgard coming to the conference. He suggested she run her outfits past their head doctor. She was nicely conservative and British.
***
Xander got out of the car when it stopped, spotting the picnic stuff. "Clint, did you get bitten by something that poisoned you?" he asked as he walked over.
"Stark was running a betting board about us screwing. I got dropped here on my way for my jog." He handed him a beer and opened the basket. "We have chicken and potatoes, not salad but baked chunks with cheese. We have fruit, cheese, and crackers. We have another two beers each. We have paper plates and stuff." He looked at him.
Xander sat down, drinking the first sip of his beer. "Your friends are warped."
"Yeah, just a bit. It's the spandex. You put on spandex and you get warped from all the too-tight stuff." He grinned. Xander smirked back. "What were you doing?"
"I was at lunch with Paul. He met me outside SHIELD and took me to lunch until your partner tazed him and then dragged him off for having biological weapons."
Clint nodded, grinning a tiny bit. "She's good at that. Let's eat?"
"Okay." They dug in and ate, getting comfortable until Anya showed up.
"Xander, can't you make me corporeal?" she begged. "I miss orgasms."
"Sorry, I have no idea how to do that without setting off the First Evil stuff."
"Shoot! I miss my orgasms. They don't have vibrators in hell and there's none here on the ghostly plane either." She pouted. "We're hatching a plot."
"Is it a good one?" Clint asked.
"We want Loki to marry Buffy since Asgard wanted a treaty." Clint choked.
"Interesting," Xander said, taking another long sip of his beer. "Very interesting idea." Clint glared at him. "Think about it, Clint. What's the downside to having his evil fucked out of him? Of having him fight *with* the slayers? Of someone straightening out Buffy's love life?"
"He's *Loki*," Clint said.
"Yeah but she's used to handling evil with Willow," Anya said with a grin. "It was my idea."
"I love your evil minion tendencies," Xander quipped.
"What if he tries to take over the slayers' minds?" Clint asked.
"I can get them a protection against that," Xander said. "We can totally neutralize his influence. Plus he'll be so busy being pounced and doing patrols he won't have much time for evil unless Buffy gets knocked up. Then he'll be too tired." Clint gaped. Xander leaned over to hiss in his ear. Clint got up to stomp off swearing but came back after a few steps. "Can you find a downside? He might even introduce the girls to warriors who could handle being with a slayer."
"If they really wanted a peace treaty then it'd be him or Thor and I doubt they'd accept Thor's honey since she's just a scientist," Anya said. "Then we'd have a mushy girl movie going on where she'd have to fight for him or get pregnant suddenly so he had to stay with her. Or she'd have to murder her rival I guess." She shrugged. "It'd keep him off his game because she'd always be pouncing him. He could get all that sexy, slimy stuff out because Buffy likes them like that."
Clint sighed, staring at Xander. "Which one of you warped the other?"
"I'm not sure," Xander admitted with a grin for his ex. "What did they say?"
"Giles said he'd throw the wedding and Fury said he'd do the security for it."
Clint sat down to finish his beer and Xander's beer. "Thanks, Anya."
"You're welcome. When are you two going to do the fun pouncing stuff so I can watch? You haven't even done blowjobs or handjobs recently. It's not fair to me, Xander. At least I can watch to get *some* happiness."
He shrugged. "I'm not dating Clint."
"Fine," she huffed. "You're clueless." She faded out to go talk to Giles about those two. They needed a clue-by-four upside the head again.
"I think I warped her," Xander said quietly. "She used to want to tell me how she tortured guys before sex. There hasn't been much torture since I left her at the altar."
Clint patted him on the arm. "Damn I'm sorry you dated her." Xander scowled. "Think how much more normal you'd be if you didn't have Anya in your past."
"I'd have a lot less stamina so I probably would've died in Africa. Or at least when that pack of succuba captured me that first time." He shook it off and went back to their lunch.
"I'll go look up nicer people for you to date," Clint promised.
"I got offered to come in and give an ex a lapdance later," Xander said.
Clint stared at him. "No more ex's, Xander. Make new ones for me and Nat to handle." Xander nodded, digging in again. Clint was silently praying for someone decent to show up in Xander's life besides him. The boy really needed it. Especially with Anya hanging around.
***
Thor stomped up to Clint that night, staring at him. "Heimdall has seen evidence that Loki is alive but he knows not where."
"You want me to see if Xander can summon him?"
"Could he?"
"I have no idea," Clint said, pulling out his phone to text Xander. He was at the bar where his ex's hung out. Xander said 'wait a minute' and then a few minutes later an 'incoming'. Clint looked around. Then there was Odin...which made Thor look so confused. "Thor, isn't Odin...taller?" Thor looked and roared, rushing at the imposter, who did turn back to Loki when he was knocked down. "Yeah, he can summon him." Natasha hopped up to deal with the god. Stark came off the elevator to help.
Thor punched Loki into a window then pounced him to knock him out before he got his bearings back. "You lied," he sneered.
"So? You should expect such from me, brother."
Clint got up to walk over and smirk at him. "Welcome back to New York. We have plans for you." Loki glared. Clint walked off chuckling.
"I hate him in that mood," Natasha said. Bruce came up with stuff to knock Loki out. SHIELD agents poured out of the elevator to take him into custody. "Why is he here?" she demanded.
"The Council around my father wanted a peace treaty with your people," Thor said. "It is thought that a good match could be made between my brother and the young warrior that is Clint's friend."
Clint grinned at her. "They're marrying him and Buffy off." Natasha choked and spluttered, shaking her head. "She'll be screwed, he'll be unscrewed. It seems like a plan to everyone who decided it. He'll definitely be too busy to take over the earth."
Thor nodded. "They talked me into it but it does sound like a good idea. We shall see when they meet tomorrow." He followed the agents who had his brother captive.
Natasha looked at the others then at Clint. "You need laid," she ordered. "Tonight."
"It was Anya's idea, she talked everyone else into it, including me."
"I don't care. Go find Xander or someone."
"He's creating new ex-boyfriends and girlfriends so you have more work." He grinned.
"I do not need more work," she said. She took Clint's phone to text Xander, signing her name to it. She put the phone down so she could drag Clint to his room. Tying him to the bed naked wasn't that hard. Especially since Clint was laughing at her.
***
Xander looked at his phone then his old ex's. "Natasha said I need to go screw Clint's bad ideas away." They patted him on the arm.
"We can make you happy," one purred, moving closer to kiss him.
Xander pulled back to look at him. "Didn't I say no because you tried to take my blood or something?"
"I was going to make something nice to deliver to the bitches in your life."
"No, we appreciate the slayers. Sorry. Nice kissing you but no." The guy lashed out at him but Xander blocked it and sprayed him with something, making him moan and fall to the floor. "You have fun with that."
"Lust potion?" one guessed.
Xander grinned. "It was listed as a self-defense potion for young women in a really old scroll I found in Egypt's head museum." He smiled. "It was to make sure her boyfriend could not touch her without her permission."
They looked at him. "I guess he's not going to be touching anyone but himself," the one next to Xander said. The guy was making pained noises while touching his cock but he wasn't hard. The rest of him looked like it wanted it as hard as his dick didn't.
Xander shrugged. "First time I've tried it." He got patted and stroked again. It was good to be him sometimes.
***
Loki was sneering in a corner when a young blonde woman kicked a demon into the room and proceeded to beat it to death. That made him lose the sneer and watch. "Is she a warrior?" he asked Thor. "Like Sif?" She wasn't wearing armor or what he'd expect a female warrior to wear into a battle. She was wearing *heels* and something probably fashionable. Not what he'd choose with her body but it was fashionable by those magazines he had seen the last time he had been on earth.
Fury looked over. "No, she's a slayer and the one you're here to meet, Loki."
Buffy got off the dead demon, pushing her slightly sweaty hair back. "There, no more chaos demon trying to have the building shut down to free a few people." She checked her outfit then smiled at them. "So what's up? Time to renew the peace treaty between us and SHIELD?" She kicked the body out of the way and sat beside her watcher. She spotted the guy in the corner, smiling at him. "I don't know you. I'm Buffy. The senior slayer."
"I'm Loki," he said smoothly.
She snorted, waving a hand. "Okay, sure. Your mom was into Norse myths. I'm pretty sure if Xander and Anya had babies there would've been one."
"No, dear, he's actually Loki," Giles said, patting her on the hand. "His people wanted to make a peace treaty with ours but that would mean working with one. We thought you two should meet."
"Yeah, I'm highly protective of the mini slayers. Only Xander's more persnickety about them and who they hang out with." She looked at him. "Why is he in cuffs?"
"He had New York invaded," Thor said.
"I saw that. That sucked majorly. I'm so glad you guys didn't need the slayers," she told Fury.
"I about called them and would have if I wasn't worrying about the helicarrier sinking underneath me. To be honest, the best treaty would be for someone of his own social level to marry him."
"We can provide guarding duties if he marries a princess," Buffy agreed.
Fury smirked. "He'd never put up with a princess, Summers. He is a princess." She snorted but covered it. Loki glared at him but he ignored it. It pissed off bad guys when you ignored their attention getting moves.
"Consider him like a more evil version of Draco Malfoy from that book you like reading," Giles said.
"He was a hottie," Buffy said. "Oh, wait, hold on. You want him to marry Xander?"
Anya faded in, smiling at her. "No, we want you to screw the evil out of him."
Buffy blushed. "I'm not so good at getting it out. I seem to put it back in. I mean, look at Angel and his soul thingy."
Anya grinned. "He could help you shop."
"That's always handy. He'd still be in danger."
"He's a mage," Anya said.
"Oh, well, not so much in danger I guess." She frowned. "Don't they have people whose whole job is to get married to someone?"
"Yup," Fury said. "And since you've lasted so long as a slayer we're giving you first shot at him."
"I'd have to get to know him. I'm not the easy sort that some of the girls are."
"She'd have to pass a test of combat to prove she was worthy of one of us," Loki said dryly. Now he saw his brother's plan and it was odd, as was Thor, and not right, as was Thor. He'd have to find a way around the plan by the formal courting rules. That could take forever and even he'd be old by the time they got through the whole protocol.
"I have no doubt I can do that," Buffy shot back, staring at him. He was pretty. "I've been slaying demons now for nearly fourteen years." He stared, mouth open. "I broke the old way. I'm the oldest slayer ever and I set the record higher every single day." She looked at Thor. "Why me?"
"Because it was felt you two would appreciate each other and you could help him start over as someone who is worthy of the goal of not taking over the earth. That you could make him see how much he could rule subtly by doing peace treaties and negotiating for the demon communities. Plus stopping apocalypse battles so he was the one on top."
"We all hate battles," Buffy said. "Okay, we can chat and have dinner and all that. He can keep on the cuffs for all I care. Do we need a chaperone?"
Fury looked at her. "I don't care if you two hit it on the table in the mess hall, Summers. We're pretty sure he's a good fit for the ones you like. He is deadly, he is dangerous, and he is able to help you with your daily battles. You can help him with his. It'd be like if Xander and Rosenburg had a baby that grew up on Asgard." Loki glared at him.
Buffy giggled. "That's a bad image. Especially with her former crush on him." She swung her chair around to look at him again. "He's pretty. He can match clothes, so already better than half of my ex's that I've staked." She saw Loki swallow. "Sure I can try and if not, I can recommend one of the other slayers to be with him. A few have my taste."
Hill got people in to take care of the demon corpse. She handed Buffy a few wet wipes, letting her clean her face and hands. "If he wants to spar that badly, Sif just showed up."
"I will talk to her," Thor said. He followed her out to talk to his Asgardian almost-girlfriend. "Sif." He shook her hand. "What brings thee?"
"Someone pulled Odin here. I come to find the reason."
"The reason was a mage who was summoning Loki for me."
"Loki died, Thor."
"Nay, he did not." He pointed. "The treaty the Council wanted, we think it is best between him and the queen slayer."
"I have heard of them but not seen their battles."
"Loki insisted to see her in combat if you would not mind."
She smiled. "Having Loki out of everyone's hair would be nice. I can test her." He nodded, taking her in there. She stared at Loki then slapped him. "I should behead you."
"Wonderful to see you as well, Sif," Loki said with a smug look. "How have you been?"
"Wow, non-fantasy girl armor. Someone knows how to build real armor for real women," Buffy said. "We need that, Giles."
"If I could find a way to make you armor for larger battles I would, Buffy," he reminded her. "It's not always practical."
She nodded. "True, and it would hide the cute clothes that we wear to feel better at the end of it." She looked Sif over. "It's nice to see warrior women who use swords. We slayers like blades too. It's handy when you have to behead demons."
Sif nodded. "They are, or other beings who annoy you."
Buffy smiled. "We're not supposed to kill humans. It makes us go psycho bad girl sort. It's not a good slayer thing then."
"Why don't you two go spar," Fury said. "That way it can be seen if you can hold up, Buffy."
She looked at herself then at him. "Giles said to wear nice clothes, not sparring stuff."
Hill smiled. This was a plan she could get behind and not complain about the details of. "I can lend you some of my workout gear, Summers."
"That'll work. You're not too much taller than I am." She stood up and grinned at Sif. "Shall we?"
"We can do that." She followed her out. The young woman was weird, she had weird speech and weird ideas, but she was genuine most of the time. It seemed almost like a cover to who she was. When they faced off against each other with blades, she saw the warrior the casual talk and ideas hid. It was a good battle. They both got sweaty and mildly injured but the girl held her own.
Up in the viewing area, Loki was trying not to be impressed. He couldn't hide how physically impressed he was at the battle either. Hill called a tie and Loki tried to pull his coat around to hide his erection from everyone. "She would make a fantastic Valkyrie," he told Thor quietly.
"She has a duty to defend humanity from demons. It's a harder job." He looked at him. "This is why we wanted you to meet."
"I will talk with her but I make no promises." Thor smiled behind his back as he walked off.
"I haven't seen wood like that since I was a teenager," Fury told Giles, who smiled back. The ladies were showering and chatting. Sif was telling Buffy about Loki and all that he had done. Including the good things when he had been younger. Buffy could appreciate that. She agreed to have a private dinner with him.
***
Buffy wandered in the next morning, yawning some. "Sorry," she said, sitting down with a hiss and a wince. "Now I know how Anya felt," she muttered just loud enough for her watcher to hear her.
He patted her on the back. "Would you prefer something fast or something more sedate? As there is a treaty you could hold something simpler here and then more ornate somewhere else."
She stared at him. "Celebration curse."
"We'll be providing security," Fury said with a smile. "We'd like to see more of your girls find happiness. I'm hoping that some of the warriors will find them good girls to see."
"They might like that. Especially if they ride them hard and put them away wet. Boys seem to like it when women do that."
"Yes they do and boys appreciate it as well," Fury said. This was looking better and better.
Xander walked in and looked over Buffy's head at her. "I can make sure nothing can interrupt however you want to get married," he said quietly with a grin. "Anya suggested you elope because you didn't use a condom but if you want a church thing or something more pagan we're all for that. You can probably even hold it at the resort. There's clothing optional places so you can be in a bikini all the time."
She blushed. "I don't need the naked thoughts today and Anya set us up?"
"Yup. She said she wanted you to be as happy as I made her in the bedroom."
Buffy shifted again. "More than, thank you." She crossed her legs. "What about his stuff?"
"There's holy sites to him and Thor on this planet, Buffy. We can do them there."
"Or we can do them at a hotel," Giles said. "Or even the justice of the peace and then you do something grander in a while."
"I...." She cleared her throat. "I'll consider it."
"I can get someone up to do it today," Fury said. "With all the paperwork done. That way you can have a good honeymoon before the next battle."
"You're being pushy," Buffy said.
"If not, they might try to use him to make the treaty some other way," Fury said. He stared at her. "It's best for everyone if he's married to someone the others can respect."
Sif walked in. "Loki is staying in that room. The guards are making sure." She looked at Buffy. "Are you well?"
"A bit sore," she admitted. "Feeling a bit pushed."
Xander hugged her around the shoulders. "It's you or they'll give him to some princess sort. He'll be totally wasted there, all his talents going to waste, and he'll be depressed. Which means another invasion or something."
She sighed. "Fine. We can do it however he wants it. I'm not going to be picky."
"Our vows simply have to be witnessed by so many of the village's leaders, or in his case the Council's people," Sif said. "Thor and myself do count as that. We'd need one more but Heimdall may see it."
Thor nodded. "I can ask him."
"Or you can ask the idiot warrior that stumbled into the gay disco and had a panic attack," Xander quipped. "It was in the paper." Both Thor and Sif groaned and sighed, shaking their heads.
"I'll have him brought," Fury said, looking out the door. "Hill, have the warrior fetched."
"He's being arraigned in an hour and will be brought here afterward, sir," she said. "We've already worked it out with the DA."
"Which one was it?" Thor asked.
"A very junior warrior with his first taste of humanity," Hill said.
"Hmm. We should have a third to note the marriage."
"As he's not in the lineage," Sif said. "Village elders should work."
"I can be considered one," Giles said. "I'm her Watcher and the head of the New Council of Watchers."
"I can be one," Fury agreed. "I do head SHIELD."
"Or I can try to summon one," Xander offered. Thor shook his head. "Okay. There's three in the city."
"They'd be the Warriors Three," Sif said. "Friends of ours."
Xander nodded. "Okay. Want me to have them found?"
"We can," Fury assured him.
"I will ask Heimdall to be the formal third," Thor said. "He sees all." He went to the roof to call him down. He agreed and showed up. Buffy had been made pretty by Hill and Sif with some help from Xander so she had weapons to carry. Dawn was there thanks to Xander. So were Willow and Faith. Loki had his people there. They were married on the bridge of the helicarrier and then Buffy and Loki were locked in a sealed vault room for the next few days with enough food, water, and necessities that they wouldn't need to come out. Xander grinned at the others and winked, disappearing again.
"I will announce the treaty has been made and granted," Heimdall said, going back to his post. He called the others of the Council to him. "The treaty with Midgard is sealed with Loki's wedding." A few choked.
One stared at him. "They gave him some simpering girl who loves him for his powers?"
"No, they gave him a warrior woman who could beat him in combat, helps protect humanity, and can put up with him. She's already consecrated it twice."
The others looked at what he pulled up for them. The marriage was made and mated, it was official by their standards. Most of them even liked the plucky blonde that befuddled Loki's mind by babbling at him. Heimdall showed them the battle between her and Sif, getting even more appreciation for it. They could work with that. They went back to their chamber to send out the announcements. It did relieve a pressure since Loki could not probably harm them again.
Heimdall looked at the new couple again. She did squeal nicely. Loki was already having to prove he was the better man.
***
Faith made it home that night after the conference worked out everything. Giles was behind her. "Ladies, family meeting," she yelled. "Hit the kitchen." By the time she got there, Andrew had stuff pulled out to nibble and things to drink. The last few ran in with Giles behind them. "The conference with SHIELD went well. We went over the visions for the next few battles, one of them theirs." Everyone nodded. "We have one in a month. We'll be putting out battle positions tomorrow."
"Where's Buffy?" one of the girls asked.
"Banging her new husband," Dawn quipped with a grin. She had come home earlier. "I'm sure he's making her squeal like Anya used to."
"Considering she couldn't sit before the wedding, yup, probably," Faith quipped. Everyone stared at her. "Asgard wanted a treaty. Anya thought of Buffy."
"And Loki," Dawn added with a grin. They stared at her. "He's deadly, dangerous, slightly evil, has a pulse," she finished happily. "Mom would be so proud he was living."
Giles cleared his throat but was smiling. "I dare say she would, yes. It was a charming, short ceremony. Buffy will be back in three weeks, right before the battle."
"Her man has magic," Faith added. They all smiled. "He's not quite as evil as Red is either. He's the want to rule the world sort, not the destroy the world sort." The girls cooed at that. "So yeah, spread that around." Everyone nodded, taking out their phones to text the other girls. "Don't forget the girl in China. She never hears good news," Faith quipped.
"We'll have a dinner when Buffy gets back," Giles told Andrew, who nodded. "I have no idea what Asgardians eat."
"We can figure it out," Andrew said. "I can make a roast or something." They grinned and the girls bounded off to talk about this new thing. Maybe Buffy would be happier and less sour. It could be good for all of them.
***
Clint looked at his sparring partner. "Ready to give up?"
"You told me I don't have a give up switch," Xander quipped back. "So I guess not."
"I guess I'll have to be evil," he said with a grin.
"Lara said you being evil is hot."
"Mind out of your ex's panties and on the match," Clint teased, moving around Xander to attack again.
"I only met her earlier. She can't be an ex yet. We have a date tomorrow night for dinner."
"We got her earlier for embezzling money from charities," Clint said. "She's an ex." Xander huffed. "You need to go for less evil and more fun."
"I can only take the ones that hit on me, Clint."
"Good point. We'll try to introduce you to better ones."
"Sure, I like fix ups." He grinned. "Think Buffy's done screaming yet?"
"Not something I want to think about." Xander attacked. "Better," Clint praised, showing him how to counter that move. He had only taught it to Xander earlier.
Stark walked in and paused. "Is this like spy foreplay?"
"No," Xander said. "Clint's not into me that way, Stark."
"Okay. We thought it might be nice."
Xander glanced at him, shrugging some while ducking a blow. "If he wants me he can flirt."
"I think the rule said you had to flirt with me, not me flirting with you," Clint quipped.
Stark walked off shaking his head. "Definitely the mating habits of the clueless assassin."
Natasha watched him go then glanced in the gym before walking off happier. Some day she'd make both of them see the point that everyone else saw.
TBC...
The Second Act of CHAOS.