Darcy brought up the mail, looking through Jane's things first. She walked into their lab. "Jane, you got a letter from Culver and one from a college in Texas." She took them. "Also a postcard from your mom." She handed it over with a smile. "I didn't read that one." She laid down one. "I did look at the personal one because that didn't register as something good. Turns out Ian was his middle name. He's inquiring about a paid internship."
She grimaced. "I don't know. I'll consider it and talk to him later." Darcy laid down to the two more spam mail, getting a grin. "I needed a catalog?"
"You signed up for it, boss lady. Let me deliver the rest of the mail." She walked out and headed upstairs. "Jemma, Leo?" she called from the doorway. They peered around the corner protecting their welding station. "Mail." She laid them on the front work station. "One letter for Leo from a female and a parts supply catalog." They smiled, Leo coming over to look at it. "If that's a threat, let me know. I scan Jane's mail for threats and I keep a list. You'd be surprised how often you get repeat idiots."
"It's my sister."
"Ah, then probably not a threat," she said with a grin. "That's great. Let me know if you need stuff. I'm doing material supply orders tomorrow." They nodded. She grinned as she left.
Leo smiled at her. "She's a lot like Miss Havels but nicer and doesn't smell like mothballs."
"The old dear that managed the Academy did have that peculiar aroma around her at all times," Jemma said. "Darcy's much more fashionable and pretty." Leo grinned. "Your sister good?"
"I may be an uncle sometime soon," he said, reading over the letter. "She wanted to make sure I was still all right so she sent it to my backup address."
"That's wonderful." They got back to work.
Darcy walked into Tony's lab, waving the two envelopes. "Two big things, Stark, and one that may be a threat. Well, probably is a threat. He's written to Jane to complain that science is messing up his world view and that Thor's an allegory she's spreading lies about."
He grimaced. "Put it there. I'll scan it for explosives later."
"Want me to look?" she asked. "I do Jane's. I keep a list."
"Nah, I'm a big boy and it'll only make me laugh."
"Okay." She put them down. "I'm doing lab material orders tomorrow." She gave him a look. "Even though you don't use test tubes let me know. I'm delivering Bruce's." She walked off, going up the hall to Bruce's lab. He had a problem earlier that had him partially changing. Hopefully by now he was calmer. She walked in and smiled at him. "Need tea?"
"I'm good, Darcy, thanks."
"You have mail."
"Why do I have mail?"
"Well, you have three that may be threats," she said, putting them in one pile. "Two have written Jane to protest her being a woman in science and that science is destroying their world view. The other one isn't a name I recognize but it's in that same sort of style of handwritten letter. Oh, and you got one from Betty." She smiled, putting it in front of him. "Always save the best for last." She winked.
He laughed. "That is good. What's the other thing?"
"Two catalogs. It's catalog day." She put them down. "Parts. Which I'm ordering tomorrow for my people. And international decorating stuff." She pointed. "That painting looks a bit awkward to me but the blue one on the back is beautiful."
He flipped it over to look, nodding. "That is beautiful woven art." He smiled. "Thanks."
"Welcome. I keep a list of threats to Jane so let me know if I need to add them. I open hers so she doesn't have to deal with stupid."
"There's days I wish we could innoculate against the virus of stupid."
She smiled. "I thought that's why we had mandatory education. Though some people clearly fail at sucking it in to make antibodies against stupid."
He laughed, nodding. "Yeah, it is." She smiled and left. He put Betty's letter aside for now, looking at the catalogs. Then the first two threats. They were laughably pouty and clearly written by people who thought dinosaurs were ridden by cavemen. The third one made him growl and he had to fight for control.
Then suddenly Darcy was there and taking the letter to put down while walking him off to the atrium garden. It was one of his favorite spots to meditate. She put a mug of tea she had been carrying in front of him and moved behind him to work on his shoulders. He frowned and batted at her hands. "Suck it up, Bruce. You need to calm down and I'm really great at this. Just drink the tea, let me work on the knots. We'll talk when you're less green than broccoli."
He huffed but sipped his tea and did his meditation exercises. "Darcy, I can't concentrate."
"Sorry." She let him go. "Need anything?"
He looked up at her. "Take that letter to Tony."
"I can do that. Want someone to sit with you?" He shook his head. "I can get Bucky."
"No, I'm good enough. It's just been a long day."
"Okay." She left him there, hanging a note on the door that she had prepared a few weeks back for his lab so no one interrupted him. She hurried up to his lab and found the letter, moving Betty's into a better seen spot. She carried the three threats off to Tony's lab. "Bossman," she called over the music. "JARVIS, cut the music, this is serious bullshit," she said. The music cut off and it made Tony flinch but turn to stare at her. "Bruce just went the color of brussel sprouts."
"What happened? Is he okay?" She shoved him back into his chair. "Is he down?"
"He's meditating. He's going toward cabbage green at the moment. He has tea. He's in the atrium." Tony nodded, calming himself. "Three threats came today. I warned him two were ones that had spammed Jane with their world view. The other one I thought might be. Same single blue pen handwriting on the envelope. Simple stamp, no sealing mark. Looks like a personal letter but the names they wrote is too formal to be friendly if you get that." He nodded once. She put down the two first ones. "The two minors." He read them, grimacing. She put down the other one. Tony growled. "Yeah, that's why he turned into a Veggie Tale character."
Tony sighed, looking at her. "They're not the first."
"Jane gets two or three a month. She got one today from that one," she said with a point at one letter. "She's like Amnesty, she writes to complain each month that science is getting into her world view."
"Charming." She smiled. He reread that third letter. "We haven't heard from this one?"
"No. I'm betting if anyone did, it's Steve. With her 'unnatural freak of science and not nature' rant it's not something Jane would get."
"I don't remember anything by her but I have someone who sorts my mail for threats," Tony said. He looked her up. "Where's your boyfriend? She's with the Devon Coven."
"The new building." She called him. "It's me. One of the Devon Coven sent a threat to Bruce." She listened, nodding at what he said. "Yeah, her, not the other one. Great. Can you when you get back? Thanks, Xander." She hung up. "She's one of the senior council of the coven." Tony grimaced. "He'll pop in to growl at it when he gets back with the kid."
"That's fine. Get me Jane's list?" Darcy walked off to get it off the computer. Tony called the security team to get them to start sorting Bruce's mail and to look at his threat file. She was in there. They were doing Steve and Bucky's too and she had written to Steve too. Darcy came back with a thin stack of papers. "That's all?"
"One-thousand-two-hundred-forty-seven records. Name, address, single line describing their beef." She put it down. "I warned Jane in case someone comes up to her on the street." Security guards came up to give Darcy the stacks from the others. She laid them out to compare them. It didn't have what they whined about but there were a lot of similar names. She looked at him. "Want me to talk to others?"
"No, I will. Get Bruce calmed down."
She smiled. "I'll bring him Betty's letter. He could use some happy news."
"It may not be," he warned.
"If Pepper wrote you after marrying Happy, wouldn't you be pleased?"
"Yeah, I would," he agreed. "Go, shoo, go protect Jane, Jemma, and Leo."
"He only got a letter from his sister." She walked off to grab that letter, taking it down to Bruce. He was mostly human colored. "Here, Bruce. That way maybe you get happy news?" He stared up at her, taking the letter. "Tony compared it to the threat file I keep for Jane and the one Security keeps for him. She's on there, and on Steve's." He groaned. "Tony's handling it and all the other nastygrams we get around here." She hugged him around the head. "Need anything?"
"No, I'm good. Thanks, Darcy," he said quietly.
She stared at him. "Remember, I can listen as well as nag. I'm that talented." He smiled and nodded. "Come talk to Jane when you're ready. It'll take your mind off the virus of stupid." She walked off.
He put the letter beside him and went back to his meditation. When he was back in full control, he pulled the letter up to read it. It wasn't *great* news but he still loved Betty and her being happy was a great thing. It was a balm he needed for his bad nerves. He decided to go up to make himself something different for dinner. He needed something to shock his system out of the bad day he was having. Thankfully there was hidden ice cream. Natasha wouldn't mind...much if he stole it.
***
Steve walked into Tony's lab. "Bruce said we got threatening letters? About HYDRA?"
"People who hate science," Tony said, letting him see the list of the threatening letters he had gotten. "Pepper had yours scanned for threats when you moved in. Today Bruce got one that was so bad he went green." Steve winced. "You've gotten ones from her too." He pointed at the pile. "Security teams keep them in case they have to look back at them."
Steve read the sealed letters, grimacing at them. "She sounds bitter and cruel."
"Yeah, she does," Tony agreed. "I've only gotten one from her." He handed over Bruce's. Steve groaned. "Exactly. I warned Pepper. She's not happy either."
"Wonderful. Anything against Bucky?"
"Only two so far and they're both former SHIELD agents," Tony said with a point at that small pile. "Jane gets a lot of 'how dare you disprove biblical history' letters instead of 'you need to die for being the tool of Satan' ones that I get."
Steve looked at him. "You're not."
"I know that. They can't tell that from a hole in the ground," Tony quipped back with a tiny smirk. "Pepper's thinking on how to make them slow down or stop all together since they're not bad enough for the FBI to step in."
Steve nodded, reading over Bucky's hate mail. "Bitter people."
"Very bitter people." Tony stared at him. "Did you apologize?"
"I'm working on it. I'm trying not to upset her."
"Good. You can do better but it's a good first step," Tony said, staring him down. "We'll meet tomorrow with the security team over that, and Hill will be here." He nodded, taking his off to show Bucky so they could talk. "Don't take them out of the bag. They're evidence."
"I won't."
Tony got back to his searching these people out. There were a lot of evil, bitter people in this world.
***
Xander looked at the list Darcy had printed out, marking a few. "Sorcerers or witches that I know about and this one has a bad guy sorcerer as a father," he said, circling that name. Tony grunted in displeasure. Xander looked at him. "I doubt this is a simple magic vs science thing with them."
"Most of those have been 'how dare you disprove my belief system with your evil science' ones," Darcy said. "That one name has been brutally nasty at Jane more than once over other things. She's another that thinks Thor took the name to get an instant rep and recognition. Though she only refers to him as a mutant, not a freak."
Xander shook his head slowly. "Unless there's another one by that name, I doubt she would be doing that. She's got visions and she's evil but slutty."
"An ex?" Tony quipped.
"No. I've never been that desperate. I'd rather fuck Willow than that harridan." He looked her up through the Council's files, letting them see it. "She has a younger sister but she's always been the society princess sort and daddy's favorite. The older one had to prove she could use the craft. The younger one has no interest in magic or anything like that."
"Okay," Tony said, rereading it and handing it to Pepper, who had just gotten in for the meeting in the morning. "Can we find out if this was her or someone else with the same name?"
"That last name's really specifically spelled," Pepper said. "JARVIS, please do a search for anyone else with that name?"
"She had an aunt who had it but she died three years ago," the AI said. "The letters are originating near her house but not in the handwriting we have samples available of. She has some handwritten notes on her webpage that's her thesis work in progress."
"Is it her sister?" Xander asked.
"No, it does not match her at all. She's been in Uganda recently, supposedly on a good will tour by force thanks to her father."
Xander looked confused. "He grounded her by making her do good work? And why would he care? He hates anyone who's not him."
"I do not know," the AI said.
"Where is she really?" Tony asked. "Still in Uganda?"
"There's been no recent reports," the AI said.
Xander looked it up, shaking his head. "On mine either and a few of them would watch her because they owe her father favors." He tapped his fingers a few times. "Where is her father or sister?"
"He's in Virginia giving a speech about despots to politicians. It seems ironic since most consider him to be one in the making."
"Dawn's near there," he said, sending her a message. She sent back a 'I can do that'. He nodded. "She'll go check him to see if someone's mangling him somehow." He leaned back in his seat, looking at the others. "The coven members are probably trying to keep down science before it harms their magic or people from going completely over. I know a few protested that their grandchildren had to have science classes in school." He looked at Tony. "They're also the hippie grandma sort except for the Eastern Region Priestess. She's the Victorian, backbone of steel, still wears Victorian gowns because she wants to be that uptight sort."
Pepper shuddered. "Corsets."
"Like six layers of clothes," Xander said. "I had to help her when she got sick suddenly by carrying her upstairs to her room. I managed to escape before her lady's maid helped her undress but I heard her ask how many of the six layers she wanted out of and she said to take her down to her bloomer and shift."
Pepper moaned, shaking her head. "I'm so glad we don't have that any longer."
"Amen," Darcy quipped. "I'd die in that many clothes. And I'd hate it for the slayers."
"There were slayers during Victorian times," Xander said dryly, smiling at her. "They were miserable."
"I would be too. I'd lead women's lib to get away from that."
Xander grinned. "You'd have help." She smiled back.
"Less flirting," Tony quipped but he was staring at the lists and letters. "Why go after Rogers?"
"He's definitely not a product of magic and his very transformation is the stuff of myth making," Darcy said.
Xander nodded. "One of the smaller private colleges in England teaches him as part of the modern mythology class, comparing him to the ancient heros and gods. One of the girls took it and gushed that I got to meet some of them."
"Why do you call them girls?" Pepper asked.
"Because they're not ladies, I tried women and it offended most of them, and bitches makes them scowl even though a good half of them are," he said, staring at her. "Girls is the most genteel thing I could call them, or Giles could call them, and they decided it made them sound more innocent. The only ones who hate it are the two who are southern belles and they're 'ladies' but not capitalized and not really that ladylike with how they behave.
"I broke a compulsion that Willow forced on me back in high school when I told her how badly she was acting to tell one of those two they were being cunts, Pepper. Not just to the other girls, but to everyone because they decided they were beneath them or their care. I told them that after I kicked their butts in sparring too. They cried a bit and I reminded them if they wanted be 'ladies' they had to start acting like them because they were a disappointment to *every* woman on the planet at that time. One of them straightened up. The other got huffy and went to sulk to ice cream then got worse."
"Wow," Darcy said.
"You haven't met her," Xander said with a slight smile. "She's in London's house and Maribella is just that bad. Buffy had to look up at her version of heaven and apologize to her mother before she called her a cunt. Willow said that Joyce would've approved of her going that far since Willow was going to change her into one so she'd realize finally. She did actually spend six days as a walking female genital area, including her mouth and head being inside her vagina area, after her talk with Buffy."
"Did she stop it?" Darcy asked.
"No. Maribella *never* learns anything. She got mad we made her learn demon classification to be able to protect herself. We don't let her really go on patrol because the other slayers won't work with her. She showed up in London pouting that she was being kept from her duty, even though she didn't want to do it, and even Kennedy has had enough of her. Two weeks ago Kennedy tried to sell her to some militant groups in the middle east as a future wife. We had to stop Kennedy but the officers that told us ordered us to let her go."
"Damn," Bruce said. "That's bad."
Xander looked at him and nodded. "Oh, yes. The Inspector who came to tell us about the attempted people selling offered to buy her a plane ticket so she could go anyway after talking to her. Maribella tried to attack Kennedy, who is not the strongest fighter ever, and fell down crying after ten minutes and one punch from Kennedy." He shook his head. "She has a time limit of about ten minutes of pleasantries and tact. After that, she's just a bitch of epic proportions. She also considers Cosmo as morally educating as the Bible and the Torah. One of her aunts is a convert to Judaism so she taught her about the Torah."
"Can you keep her away from Jane before Jane kills her?" Darcy asked, smiling at him.
"I nearly had a demon contact kidnap her to Nigeria," he said dryly. "The demon contact heard. He asked them if they'd like the pretty young slayer, not mentioning her personality or anything. They declined because they heard more about her from other contacts. Which was how the Inspector heard she was a problem and went looking." He smiled back. "The only thing she has going for her is she's not racist. She's anti-immigrant because she thinks everyone should stay in their home country so she can visit them there instead of them coming over her to visit her country, but she has no problem with interracial kids like Darrien or anyone else. She actually turned on a cousin that was Klan and sent him crying from the family wedding and into the ER for a suicide attempt."
"Didn't her family say anything?" Pepper asked. "My mother would've beaten me."
"Her mother thinks she's Scarlet O'Hara. She swooned into a fainting fit at her daughter's blunt words said quietly, calmly, and with a gentle womanly smile to her cousin about his failings as a human being. She claims she took over her grandmother's blunt, honest one role when the old grande dame died when Maribella was six. She doesn't see a problem with it. She actually pouts that all the other slayers hate her when she's being moody but won't listen to *why*." He smirked at Stark then at Pepper. "One of the younger slayers suggested she go do diplomatic things whenever we had to get a slayer out of trouble with a government. She thought it might change things in places like Iran."
Pepper slowly shook her head. "No, probably not and she'd probably die."
"I'm not sure if that was the reason or if she thought Maribella could 'convince' them they were bad to women."
Stark shook his head suddenly. "That's a really bad thought."
Xander nodded. "We agreed it was a bad idea."
Bruce shook his head with a sigh. "Now I know why you don't like to be around them that often."
"Yup," Xander agreed with a grin and a nod, looking at him. "That and some of them are seriously warping for the son. Some spoil, some hate on him, some are just weird about kids. We have some seriously kid hating slayers. They pet Darrien like he's a dog. A few even taught his tiny self to play fetch."
Darcy grinned. "That had to be cute."
"It was, but then he bit them for patting him on the head," he said with a grin back. "She pouted for *days* that he was mean to her." She laughed. "Want me to call someone about the witches?"
"Yup," Darcy said. "That way we know." She looked at Stark and Pepper, who both nodded.
Xander sent an email. Giles got sent up by some of the other witches. He held up the information. "Sending death threats to scientists."
Giles read them, grimacing. "That is not a good thing. His daughter's doing one?"
"We're thinking there's an issue since he's not usually like that and neither is that one daughter," Xander said. "I asked Dawn to check him. He's at some political symposium trying to tell them to quit breeding."
Giles shook his head. "I'm sure she'll adore that." He pulled out a free chair and sat down, rereading over the list of witches. "Most of the Devon Coven's are all older ladies."
"Who hate science why?" Xander asked.
"It does go against their magic."
"I feel the same way about magic," Stark said dryly. "I'd never send threatening letters."
"No, I dare say they need some medicine to ease their hormone problems," he said. "They are all in the middle of menopause."
"If the slayers having PMS isn't a good reason to commit genocide on the idiot men who beat their women, menopause is not the reason for threatening letters," Xander said dryly.
"No, it's not." He looked at them. "I shall speak to them, Mr. Stark. Also, I have talked to Willow. She will not try to make Xander pregnant for at least a few years. She wants Miss Lewis to enjoy her conjugal visiting as she put it and babies interfere with that."
Darcy shook her head. "Try not at all?"
"I have been," Giles said with a smile for her, patting her on the hand. "Sometimes Willow gets a wild idea up a nether region."
"I'm wondering if we can put her in Loki's cell on Asgard," Stark said.
"You'd probably start a war by asking them to deal with her," Xander quipped. "I'm not sure which is worse, Willow with a wild hair up her butt or Loki."
"He tried to take over the world," Pepper said.
Xander smirked and reached over to pat her on the hand. "I'm just really glad no normal people remember the night she turned everyone on the planet into puppies and kittens, and a few unicorn babies because she *really* wanted cute things to cheer her up after a fight with Kennedy on Tara's death anniversary."
She gaped then stared at Giles, who cleared his throat and took off his glasses to clean on his shirt but nodded. "Oh, shit," she said, then shook her head.
Tony patted her on the arm. "I'm glad I don't remember that. When was that?"
"Six days before I came to save Darcy," Xander said. "But she said the next time something huge like Loki happens, ask her to see if she can help with it."
"That's a match for pay-per-view," Darcy said. "Willow vs Loki?" She looked at the others. "Does anyone remember that night? JARVIS?"
"I didn't want to mention such events as they were oddly warping my core processors," the AI said. "Though I believe both Agent Romanoff, who was a unicorn foal, and Agent Barton, who was a dog, remember somewhat. Shall I ask?" He paused. "Agent Barton has said that if we get a Willow vs Loki event, he'd greatly enjoy shooting the one that survives and wins."
"We might need her to help with other huge problems," Xander said. "She can handle a whole rogue coven of teenage witches on her own." Darrien ran in and under the table to hide under Darcy's chair. Xander leaned down to look over there. "Huge demon or one of the slayers?"
"Crystal brought up your mail and she's *smirking*, Dad."
"Let me go see what that is," he sighed, going down to his apartment. He walked in and took the mail, looking at it. "Why are you smirking about death threats?" he asked her. She gaped. He swatted her with the mail. "Beyond the fact that you scare my kid each and every time you do that....." he said, letting it trail off. "Smirking about death threats is always a bad idea."
"I had no idea. I thought it was an ex writing you."
"I get some of those but Darcy enjoys helping Darrien complain these days."
"Oh. You're dating a girl?"
"No, I'm dating a woman, who has manners and class and still can be mouthy and snarky. Darrien's even demanded siblings."
She grimaced. "Shoot."
"Not like I'd date a slayer. I know you girls *way* too well. But thanks for the mail delivery. Have a happy witch trip back." She pointed toward the bedroom. "What are you doing, Willow?" he called. That figured she had come too.
"Putting up the new stuff the slayers bought for Darrien." She came out folding a shirt.
"That's way too small. He's out of the toddler sized clothes."
"I have them shrank to fit in the drawer." Xander stared at her. She undid it to show him on that shirt. "See?"
"Unless that's over a size eight, it's still probably too small. He's mid growth spurt. But thanks."
"I can have them exchange them for something bigger," she said with a grin. "It's nearly his birthday."
"Next month." She took the clothes and the slayer back with her to get the clothes in the right sizes. He went in to take pictures of things that were barely fitting him and sent them to her so she could tell. Then he took his mail downstairs. "She's gone, son. Death threat that she thought was an ex." He settled into his seat, nodding at Coulson since he was now there. He opened that one and grunted, handing it to Coulson. "I believe he's yours."
"I believe he is," he agreed with a sigh at the end. "Charming of him." He looked at the rest of the mail. "The package?"
Xander looked at it. "An ex who just died. They put his estate's address on it." He opened one end to look inside, taking out the letter on top of the pretty box. "Ah! He was wanting to be introduced to Darcy before he died last week." He grinned at her. "He had a thyroid tumor." He read it over and pulled out the box to glance inside then hand to her. "He left you something from his former wife. He didn't have anyone to wear it and I definitely won't so he thought you'd enjoy that." He let her have the letter too. Darrien crawled up to sit in Darcy's lap, cooing at what was in the box.
"Wow," Darcy said. "That's...." She stared at him. "Why me?"
"That one stalked him for a few years," Coulson said.
"He didn't stalk me. We dated on and off for a few years. He went into hiding when they found the tumor was too bad to treat. His people probably showed him pictures of you being pretty and like I said, it was you or it'd sit in my safe for years." She closed the box, staring at him. He shrugged. "He didn't have kids to pass anything on to. His former partner took most of it but he'd look really horrible in that."
"Uh-huh. Where would I wear that?"
"My birthday," Darrien said with a smile. "We can go out to dinner. It can be a date." He cuddled her. "You need to look pretty and I'll go play while you two do daddy and stepmommy talking stuff."
She cuddled him. "I didn't know your birthday was coming up and sure, we can go out to dinner, but it doesn't have to be a date. I enjoy having dinner with you."
Darrien pouted at her. "The slayers say that dates are important."
"They are," she agreed.
"So you should have dates with us."
"I should," she agreed. "But for your birthday we should do stuff for you."
"We can go to Chucky Cheese," he said with an evil grin. "That way we all have fun." He looked at his father. "No breaking the whack-a-mole this time, Dad."
"Not my fault vampires attacked the last one we went to and were hiding inside it," Xander quipped back. "Though I agree with the mini-me there. You'd look fantastic in it when we go on dates."
She blushed but nodded. "I'm sure I will. We can talk about when to do your birthday stuff later. After this meeting." He nodded and settled in to cuddle her. She put the box and letter into her bag. Xander smiled and got into his other mail, handing Coulson two and Stark one.
Stark looked at the note that was slid in front of him. "Why is my competitor writing you from jail?"
"No idea," Xander said.
"Was he one of the ones you were getting weapons from?" Tony asked dryly.
"No. He doesn't do weapons. He nicely fixed one of the girls' mp3 players before a date while I was nagging Willow about something but no." He tipped his head to the side. "I asked him about how to fix a few things once, just the electrical panels that were broken, not the weapon itself. He's the only one I knew who might know how to fix that broken piece of crap."
"Hammer tech?" Tony joked.
"Yeah, it was. I won it at poker. It came in slightly useful a few months later during a thing but it wasn't really strong enough or useful enough so I had to use two backups with it. I wrote a *charming* review that Hammer threw fits about."
"I think I remember hearing about that fit," Pepper said with a smile for him. "You do some incredibly insane things, Xander."
"Sometimes," he agreed, cracking Darrien up. "Then again, it's me or the girls so I'd rather it be me."
Coulson shook his head. "We'd rather it be agents and the military instead of either of you."
"Yeah, I saw that one," Xander shot back, shooting a dirty look at him. "His whole 'why aren't there *men* doing it instead of young women thing wasn't all that impressive and when he turned to yell at me for letting them do that stuff, I pulled up a battle and let him see me there, doing it for the girls. Then I pointed out he wasn't anywhere near there. If he was that concerned, he should jump the hell in. We'd give him the training if he needed it. We had *plenty* of places that could use normal hunting guy backup. He ran away whining about his reality bubble being burst."
"I remember that most unpleasant chap," Giles said. "The girls had nice popcorn watching you take him down and then yelled at you for being in that battle."
Xander nodded. "Like usual."
"They need to quit yelling at my daddy before I talk him into taking a regular job that pays better," Darrien said then yawned. "One where he's never injured and never sore from beating things." He put his head on Darcy's shoulder. "My future siblings should have a safe house to live in."
She cuddled him. "We make the whole world as safe as we can, little guy. Even if sometimes battles happen. They do everywhere, even to normal people. We just handle them so they go away faster." He nodded, snuggling her. Xander held out his hands. "I've got it," she assured him. Xander grinned and nodded. Darrien mumbled something so she leaned down. "What?" he mumbled it again. "Sure, we'll make sure the monsters upstairs don't get you. Especially not the redheaded one that's not an evil queen. I know redheads scare you, baby." He nodded and shifted to get more comfortable.
Pepper smiled at her. "Awww. I'm glad I'm not that sort of scary redhead."
"Me too. You with magic would probably freak me out, Pep," Stark quipped. She swatted him.
Darcy gave Tony a look. "For a guy who's been reminded he was going to take someone out to dinner for three days now, you're awfully fond of her swatting you, bossman."
He looked at his phone then at her. "It is a dinner out night. We done, people?" They nodded so he took Pepper off.
Darcy looked up. "Thanks, J."
"Welcome, Miss Lewis." She grinned at the others, cracking Xander up.
Coulson looked at her. "I could use a good administrative assistant, Miss Lewis."
"You still have my iPod, Agent Coulson. I'm not gonna work for people like that."
"Beyond that, I'd probably fall apart if she did go," Jane said. "I'm sure we'd like me to finish my work before I die, right?" Coulson nodded. "Then no poaching or make the pouty one do it."
"Skye has taken my suggestion and went to see what she still needs to work on to be an agent," Darcy said.
Coulson smiled at her. "Thank you. I know she's had a few bored days." He looked at the kid. "We can probably do the rest without you and Xander if you two wanted to go have dinner."
"I think I was going to make dinner," she shot back.
"I thought I was making dinner," Xander said.
"No, we're having American food tonight because the kid wanted to pretend to be a normal kid." She grinned a tiny bit. "He's still pouting that one of the kids on the playground told him he was weird."
"I get that. I could do a bit more to help him fit in around here instead of with the slayers." He shrugged. "I can still make dinner."
"I'm not tired."
"He's not going to let you get away from him until he's finished his nap, Darcy. He's just like that. So you can sit and be cuddled while I make him regular guy food, then us stuff with vegetables."
She nodded. "I can do that." She stood up and grabbed her bag, carrying the big kid off to nap on Xander's couch.
Xander grinned. "Let me know if you need us, Giles." He strolled after her.
"They're a good couple," Giles decided, looking at Coulson. "Would you like me to call those old dears to a meeting so you can remind them that threatening the people saving the world is a bit stupid?"
"Please. I'd like to talk to them about the threats and why they think it's appropriate," Coulson said. Giles nodded, calling one to tell her that.
***
Dawn slipped into the meeting room, noticing that the guy speaking had noted her. So did two others, one not a bodyguard. She did the quiet spell for mage sight, looking at him. He had magic. Huh. The one up on the podium was scowling back toward her but his aura was foul. More than it should be. That one bodyguard didn't have magic but he was tense and uptight. She put her ID around her neck, making him grimace since he could see the seal on the upper left side.
When the speaker finished, she slipped out after him. "Dr. Moravs."
"Who are you to do magic around me, young lady?" he sneered.
"Dawn Summers. Someone from the Council sent me because your daughter's been doing irregular things for her. Also, did you know you have compulsions on you?"
"I do not," he sneered.
"All I did was a mage sight spell. Find a mirror and do one. Then we can chat about your older daughter actually caring about science and Avengers of all things."
"My daughter?" She held up her phone, which had a photo of the letter. He grimaced. "That isn't like her."
"Exactly, which is what worried us. Now, let's go find a mirror so you can test yourself please?"
"I don't think I need to."
She shot a spell at him to light up his aura. He had been expecting an attack but it wasn't one so it didn't bother his shields. She walked closer and pointed at where he was staring. "You have two on your right shoulder and I can see a dark spot on your back, Dr. Moravs. Shouldn't we go find a mirror so you can figure out who did this to you?"
"Who are you really?" he demanded, staring down at her.
She smiled. "I'm Buffy's little sister. Thankfully I'm going to do something more sane than dealing with her life with her. Bathroom or there's a huge mirror in the lobby if you don't want privacy."
He stomped off. She casually followed him to the men's room. "I don't need help."
"I'm only here to do this," she said, putting up a reflection behind him. "And to ask you why you grounded your younger daughter to Uganda doing good work. Xander thought that was really weird too."
He paused, staring at her. "Xander sent you?"
"Yup. He's in New York and dating a very nice young woman while working on the Council's new training center."
"Oh. That's charming I suppose."
"Darcy is, yes." He frowned. She pulled up a picture. "That's Darcy. She's an assistant to one of the scientists."
"Oh, her. I know of the one behind her."
She looked. "Barnes? Or Thor?"
He blinked a few times. "That's Thor?"
She pointed. "That's Thor."
"Oh. Hmm." He frowned at the rest of the people in the picture. "No, the one behind her to the right once came near my brother to take him out. Thankfully my brother died of his mistress instead," he said with a grimace. He went back to his aura. "This is most pernicious. I can't tell who's magic this is."
Dawn touched a fingertip to one. "This is my magic. Does it remind you of hers? It does feel female to me. Not old like some of the Coven but younger than Willow."
He frowned, doing the same test. "My youngest," he sighed.
She stepped back. "The one supposedly in Uganda?" He nodded once. "Okay, do you need my help to clear it and are you going to check your other daughter?"
"Definitely," he growled. "How dare she belittle those who make sure her world keeps going."
"She was a bit shifty," Dawn agreed, smiling when he glared at her. "Is it possible that she's possessed?"
"Not that I'm aware of. I saw her yesterday. I shall check, Miss Summers, and make sure my youngest has a clue about what she has done before I make her take up the craft to practice it properly."
"Sometimes, girls just want to be popular and cute so things like magic take them by surprise. It could be unintentional, based on emotional wants. We see that with younger teens that are breaking out."
"Is that why you have necromancy in your aura?"
She nodded. "My mother died. It was grief but I canceled it before then."
He tipped his head. "That's something many want to do. I can do so myself and make sure she is sorry for this."
"Thank you. I'll report that to Xander. Let him know if you need help or books for the younger one. He's got a teaching set." She bowed slightly and left.
He scowled and huffed, going back to the mirrors. This was going to get his younger daughter sold to a higher demon for six months to make sure she learned not to do such things.
***
Faith looked at Xander over their meeting/lunch to talk about who was being put where in the new building. A few of the girls needed to be split up for their own sanity, and since some helped each other prank, everyone else's too. "So, you and D still together?" she asked, eating a chip.
He nodded. "We're making good progress." He smiled. "Let me guess, you're going to remind me of my job and how hard it is?" She nodded. "Don't you think that's a bit unfair?"
"As opposed to her watching you come home damaged from another battle? We have one coming up in three weeks, X, and it's supposed to be bad."
"And I'm pretty sure she's seen the ones who live in the tower do the same thing."
"Hadn't thought of that," Faith admitted. She looked at her plate, picking out another chip to nibble on, then looked up at him while she ate it. "You're sure you're that serious?"
"Yeah. I think we are. We're not rushing into anything. We're barely at the handjob stage, Faith. Why are you so worried?"
"She seems...nice. Way too nice, Xander." She leaned her arms on the table. "Can she live this life? I know her boss does with that big one, Thor, but can she handle doing the same thing?"
He shrugged. "I think that's up to her."
"True, but have you two talked about that? Or if we have to send you to handle something huge with some of the attack team?"
Xander shook his head. "She knows I'm the problem solver and I might get sent on missions, Faith. We haven't talked about it but I'm sure she would if she wanted to."
"See, that's what we're worried about. Not just me by the way. Dawn's worried too. She thinks Darcy's aces but she's worried she's happy and we do live in the dark too often."
"She's seen that and she's not the happy hippie kid that Marriette is."
"That's good. Because it's slowly destroying her happy nature."
"I told her to quit and retire."
"So did I," she said. "So did B and all the rest of us. She thinks it's the duty."
"Send her up to help me. We can be New York's team if we have to." Faith smiled and fired her finger at him. "She's a good sitter for the little sneaky one too." He made a motion behind her.
She looked back. "Nice attempt but you gotta sneak in a way that no one sees you, kiddo." She pulled Darrien into her lap. "You're the best not-a-slayer kid most of us know."
Darrien smiled at her. "I'm the best kid any of you know even among the slayers' kids," he assured her. "They're mostly whiny brats."
"They're younger and you did plenty of it at Missy's age," Xander said dryly, staring at his son.
"Hilary's *way* older than me and she's one too, Dad. You can't tell me I'm not a better kid than her."
"Good point, you are a lot easier on everyone than the tweenage diva with delusions of dance skills."
Faith snickered into Darrien's hair. "She's back in dance classes. Her mom said if she's going to dance it's going to be the real stuff, not in some music vid behind some guy who can only look at breasts but not spell them."
Xander nodded. "There's street style. She could learn that."
"She is, and jazz this time." She cuddled the baby. "What do you think about Darcy?"
He looked up at her. "I knew she'd be a great stepmom back when I met her. Don't you dare talk her out of it or I'll have to turn into a bad kid instantly."
She gave him a squeeze. "I'd never do that, Darrien. We're only worried that she'll get real upset at the fighting stuff."
"She works with superheros like Thor," he said, staring at her. "Not like she hasn't seen other guys going out to fight. Mr. Clint's a normal guy like Dad and so is Mr. Stark, even though he's really smart too."
"Point," she agreed, smiling at him. "We just want you and your dad to be happy, sprout."
"Yeah, most of you do but the evil queen and her bitch consort don't. Or the blonde evil queen. I heard them talking during the last video conference talking about how Xander was dirtying Darcy by showing her the life we live." He glanced at his father then at her. "Thank you for yelling at them."
"They have a tiny point that a lot of people can't handle being around the slaying lifestyle, kiddo. It's hard watching someone go out every night and maybe not come back. You've had nightmares about that. We all really like Darcy but we don't want her to turn into Norma's girlfriend."
"I've met her. I think she was like that before they met," he said. "I'd help keep Darcy from being that worn out. I'm good at that. We can help each other."
"You can," Xander agreed, taking him to cuddle. "That's really up to Darcy to decide."
"Point," Faith said with a nod and a slight smile. "She's a great lady. We'd love to make her Andrew's co-head of the house. He'd love to flirt with her too by the way."
"They've met and he blushed until she talked to him like a normal guy. She's used to geeks."
"Great. Figures since she likes you and you're one," Faith shot back with a smile. "None of us will push her, X, but we worry."
"I know. I worry about your boyfriends for the same reason. Has Kennedy quit drinking since she's back?"
"Nope," Faith said dryly, shaking her head as she ate another chip. "Not a bit. Giles pulled her out of the field and threatened her with rehab. She and Willow are on *vacation* to get right."
"Didn't she come back with restrictions?"
"Yeah but we don't know what they are."
"Great," he mouthed, cuddling his son since he was burrowing into his shoulder. "Didn't you eat yet?"
"Nope. You forgot to call me."
"I did not. I called and paged you."
"Oh, well....I was reading?" he guessed with a shy grin.
"Good! We like you being smarter than I am. Read more often and we'll see why you're taking so many naps soon too."
"Doctor?" he sighed.
"Yup. Sure will be." He smiled. "You need travel shots anyway."
"Crap," he said in his native language. Xander swatted him on the back of the head. "Sorry. Bad word," he told Faith.
"I say plenty on my own but I'm too old to get swatted."
"I need to do that."
"You need to spend more time as a kid," Xander ordered. "Before you've grown up and missed it all." Darrien smirked and stole his father's sandwich. Xander put him in front of his own plate and took the rest of his sandwich back. Darrien dug into his plate full of lunch, yawning halfway through. When he fell asleep, Xander took him to rest in a safe spot then came back to talk to Faith. She was one of the few at the house that had sense.
***
Faith followed Xander back to the tower that night, going to snatch Darcy from Darrien's greedy grip. She grinned at the curvy brunette. "Dinner?"
"I'm not really into girls, Faith," she joked with a grin.
"That's fine. I had a one time thing with X. Even with him being a newbie it was too damn good to give up for long." Darcy burst out laughing. "Seriously."
"I'll find that out sometime soon." She looked at Jane, who absently waved a hand. Darcy set a timer and then grabbed her jacket and beanie cap to follow Faith outside so they could have a casual dinner. Once they were in the dinner and had ordered, Darcy looked at her. "Do you want Xander back?"
"Nah. I was all bad girl then. I might go back." She stared at her. "A few of the girls were worried, so we're chatting without Darrien being all future warrior stud."
Darcy nodded. "I've heard from Xander."
"Today?"
"No, but he told me he had to tell the two head twits to stop being so gloomy about me being a normal."
Faith nodded. "There's a lot of that but mostly it's worry that you'll get hurt. Not by a thing coming for X but by having to watch the battles."
"I watched them before because the team is my friend, Faith."
"Yeah, but it's different when it's your snuggly one out there getting into a sword fight with something huge and hungry," she said, leaning on the table. "Frankly, I haven't seen X this happy in years. Probably since I met him. You're good for him and I'm hoping like hell you'll become the Council's happily ever after fairytale, ya know." Darcy smiled and nodded. "But we've got that stupid practical streak that Xander keeps poking at to make it show up so we don't wear thongs to battles under our booty skirts and heels. We're mostly kinda worried that you're going to decide it's too hard to watch him go out there."
"Then again, I work at Stark and we've had attacks on the tower. I was helping end the problem in London when the dark elves showed up with Thor. I was in New Mexico when Loki showed up to beat his brother to death." She sipped her water. Faith grinned at her. "I understand why there's worry. I'm not as normal as everyone thinks though. The same as Xander isn't."
"True. I'm one of those that knows he's not normal. Normal guys don't put up with the two evil queens as the kiddo calls them." The waitress came over with their plates so they got out of the way and Faith inhaled and smiled. "Better than I could do any day." The waitress smiled as she walked off. Faith dug in with a hum of pleasure. "That's better. We had deli for lunch with the kid."
"I'm really coming to love the little scamp," Darcy said. She twirled some of her egg noodles onto her plate then scooped up some of the stew that was over it. "Darrien's so sweet. Even if I couldn't make it with Xander I'd still be his favorite aunt." She ate a bite.
Faith nodded. "That's good. We'd like him to be the normal guy we thought his dad was." Darcy shook her head while she chewed. "No, I don't figure he can either but he can find a happier outcome than being our hunter." She ate another bite, staring at her plate then at her. "The only one who's still being pushy about stuff is B, Darcy. She's seen how badly the dating can go when it's a non-hunter with one of us. She's seen it in the ER when she went to hold one girl's hand because her boyfriend had a huge fit and ended up slamming her into the wall to get into her face about the duty. She's seen it when her own boyfriends freaked out and ran. I'm pretty sure she'd never want X to be hurt and that's why she's worried."
"And I get that. Though I'm not the total newbie here. Like I said, I've been right beside a few battles myself, even if I didn't need a weapon and can't use a sword."
"You might have to some day."
"Xander said he'd help me learn if I wanted to."
Faith grinned. "Great. We like that you're protective. The puppy could use a protective bitch above him, especially one that wanted him to learn how to have manners and be a good boy."
"Darrien's mostly a good boy." She smirked. "Now and then he helps me nag the science teams to eat."
"That's cool. Boy could be a great fussy one." She smiled. "A lot of us wish we could find someone as grounded and centered as you are, and as supportive. All I get are people who want to hunt with me. They're more about my duty than my body."
Darcy nodded. "I used to get a lot of guys that only liked my boobs."
Faith snorted but smiled and nodded. "So do I. I swear I'm one of the only girls with curves at the Council. Only two others need a bra and the rest are all skinny, delicate looking things."
"There's a strength to that but there's also a strength in accepting your body and saying 'it's the way I am and I look damn good, look at the drool'."
"I do admire how deep the drool gets sometimes," Faith agreed with a smile. They dug into their dinners and talked casually about Xander and Darrien. The little guy was the favorite 'man' around the Council for a good reason. Faith told her about how Darrien used to sigh and go cuddle the crying slayers until they quit then walk off wiping off the drippy spots to get a cookie for being so good to the girls. Darcy grinned about it and said it was sweet of him.
***
Xander looked up when Darcy let herself into his apartment. "Did you see the kid? He got that 'crying girl' look on his face and went to find someone who was upset. It's the second one this week."
"I haven't. I just got back from dinner with Faith."
"Hmm. Okay, we need to go keep him from bothering people."
"JARVIS, where's Darrien?" she asked the tower's AI.
"He's in the labs. Dr. Simmons is having a bit of a stress let out. He's helping her."
"Thank you," Xander said. Darcy nodded and took him up to grab the kid. He walked in and hugged Simmons too, making her hiccup. "A bigger good boy can only help more. Do I need to go beat someone mean?"
"No," she said, wiping her cheeks off. "He's quite the young man. He sighed a bit but just cuddled in and offered to get me tea." She hugged Darrien. "You're a very good boy and some day you'll make an excellent boyfriend."
"I learned by helping the slayers when they get all sobby over romance movies and bad boys who are idiots," Darrien said with a grin. He patted her on the hand. "I don't mind being the teddy bear some people need to cuddle. Sometimes girls cry and I understand that because the slayers are all girls."
"You're excellent at it," Dr. Simmons assured him with a smile. She kissed him on the head and handed him to Xander. "Thank you for letting him comfort me."
"You're welcome. Come borrow him again if you need to," he said with a grin. "Or if I need to beat up the mean scientists who can't see how brilliant you are." She smiled. Darcy helped her up and took her to her suite to clean up and cheer up, including ordering her some of her favorite gelatto to sulk to. She met up with Xander back at his apartment and cuddled Darrien too. He grinned at his dad as he snuggled in and ended up napping on her shoulder while they watched tv.
Xander carefully took his son back to put into bed, then came out to snuggle up to his girlfriend. His son got more snuggling time than he did and that just wasn't right.
***
Faith walked back into the Council's house, staring at the two judgmental ones there to greet her. "I met with Darcy. She's an okay lady and I really appreciate that girl. If I liked boobs, I'd take her from Xander in a heartbeat."
"She doesn't understand what he does," Willow complained.
"Yeah," Faith said sarcastically. "Because she doesn't work with a *whole* team of heros who go out to do stuff in mech armor or with a huge hammer that makes you fly." Willow grimaced. "She's seen plenty of battles. She helped in the thing in London. She was in New Mexico when Loki went there." Buffy nodded at that, looking appreciative. "I asked and she said Jane had been 'relocated' for the battle in New York by SHIELD being buttholes again. Any woman that can taze Thor because he just fell out of the sky in front of her and got mouthy? I snap at that girl."
Buffy sighed. "But she won't get all weepy and stuff about it if he has to go?"
"No. She's seen a lot of that from the guys up there. She nags them to eat. She helped when Darrien got used as a comfort toy by one of the geeks. X told me he just sighed and let the lady cuddle him while she stress cried."
Buffy smiled. "He's very good at it. And braiding hair. We taught him well."
"What happens if a demon shows up in front of them to attack Xander?" Willow demanded.
"She's got some minor weapons training and said if she thought it was necessary she'd find a way to get more, even asking X if they could love on his axe together. X told me they spent a happy weekend sharpening and shining swords and his special axe. They're also taking it real slowly. X said they've only gotten to hand jobs so he wouldn't scare her off. She's even met a few of his wacky ex's and just complained they were creepy and nasty."
"Wow," Buffy said, smiling. "I think I could stand her."
Willow sighed but nodded. "She sounds really good for him and Darrien." She walked off pouting.
The two slayers shared a look and a shrug. "Aren't they supposed to be on vacation?" Faith asked more quietly.
"Yeah, Kennedy's back off the wagon so Willow came home." She rolled her eyes.
"Great," Faith mouthed, heading back toward the kitchen. Andrew handed her a drink so she blew a kiss. "You'd like Darcy. She likes to cook and fusses over her boss for pay. Plus she once tazed Thor." She walked off sipping.
Andrew nodded. "Sounds like a woman I could respect." He got back to dinner preparations. Willow sighed and went to write Xander an email. Maybe he'd see sense if she pointed out all the wrong that'd be him seeing someone outside the hunting who was even more normal than he was. What she got back was a 'don't talk to me ever again, you bitch'. It made her huff and she went to complain to Buffy, and Giles since she was in his office talking about that night's patrol. Giles told her to butt out too, making her mad but Buffy knocked her out and let her nap off her foul mood.
***
Xander looked at his phone then called Darcy on it. "Willow just tried to *convince* me that us dating is a super bad thing because you're even more normal than I am and you'd *never* understand me, plus it'd make Darrien uncomfortable to have two white parents. I kindly swore back. So watch out for redheads, please?" He grinned at what she quipped back. "Hey, if they'd like to talk to her, go for it. They might even impart sense. Though I'm doubting anyone could. Thanks, Darcy. Have fun doing lunch stuff for Jane. I've got to find the kid and feed him." He hung up and went to find Darrien, who was watching the construction guys and helping with measuring as a math homework project. "Hey, little man. Watch out for the evil red queen to show up. She thinks you'll hate having Darcy as a stepmom."
His son looked at him like he was evil. "She said what?" he demanded.
"Some days I wonder if you're really six," he said, staring down at him.
Darrien put his hands on his hips and took his fathers phone to read. "Oh fuck no!" he said in his mother's language, walking off calling someone. "Dawnie, it's Darrien. It's an SOS thingy. Willow's trying to make Daddy give up Darcy and be alone forever because that'll suit her better. Yup, exactly, and I'd really like to beat her to death with her ugly shoes but Dad would get mad if I did that. We need a plan," he said with a smirk. "Exactly."
"I already warned Darcy and let Dawn do homework," Xander called, trailing after him. "And give me back my phone please."
"Shut up, Dad. You tried to be nice. Now it's time to unleash the power of girls." He smirked. "Dawn agreed with me."
"I'm sure she did." He took his phone back. "We're trying to handle it, Dawn. Yes, that's still my email," he sighed. She got into it to read it and let out a shriek of displeasure. "Don't yell that way," he whined. "The locals will get worried you're being attacked." She went off on a rant and he had to pull the phone away from his ear. "Please don't magic us." He hung up and winced. "You made her mad," Xander told his son, but he was grinning.
"She's not mad at us. She's mad at the evil redheaded queen. I might even hide behind the supposedly not evil redheaded queen one or even the evil blonde queen to get away from that one." He hugged his father, getting a cuddle back. "Can we have ice cream for lunch, Dad? Since your friend tried to make you break up with my future stepmom?"
"Ice cream is a dessert," he sighed, walking him off. The construction guys were all smiling at their backs. They were adorable that way. "We only have thirty minutes for lunch, son."
"We can eat from the hotdog cart on the way to ice cream," he said with a smile. "It'll be cheap and easy."
Xander looked down at him. "Yeah, we can, and hotdog carts are a New York staple." He sighed. "It probably makes me a bad father but I could use it too. Before I fly back to Cleveland and have that same Goddess of Justice look at her again." Darrien patted him on the arm and ran ahead to get their jackets so they could go to lunch together.
***
Buffy looked up, having a sudden bad feeling. She looked around the house. "Ladies, let's go do something outside the house. I have the feeling something hugely bad's going to happen that means we'll need weapons and insurance forms." They all gathered up jackets to go with her. Buffy paused in the library. "People, I'm having bad feelings that mean we should probably evacuate the house," she called. The watchers all stared at her. "I don't think it's demonic but I'm thinking we'll need insurance forms. Why don't you take a day off too?" She hurried off. That bad feeling was getting bigger. Even Andrew came out with the girls. The watchers all disappeared to do something outside the house themselves. Even Giles.
When they got back two hours later, once the bad feelings stopped, they found the house had some smoke damage. Kennedy was hanging by her foot from the chandelier in the entryway, unconscious and drooling on the floor. There was no sign of Willow but the living room was still full of smoke that smelled like spell residue. The rest of the house was all right but the living room was a mess. It looked like there had been a nasty little battle in there.
A tiny demon cleared his throat, smiling up at the staring slayers. "The witches bade me to tell you that the evil queen wannabe is no longer bothering anyone or scaring them." He handed Buffy a letter. "This is their notice of taking Willow home with them. They did not appreciate Kennedy's particular problems at this time as Kennedy took a swing at one of them for no reason. They said they'd bring Willow back once she was cured."
"The Devon coven attacked Willow?" Faith asked.
"No, not them. The Amherst coven is very strong in the light and less cranky than the witches with menopause. They showed up to deal with the rogue witch Rosenburg." He smiled at her. "She'll be fine with them. They do have sense and are capable of retraining her to be a better woman as well." He walked out of the house.
"The Amherst coven is quiet but effective," Andrew said from the hallway. "They're the ones that sent the extra magic at that battle last year, Buffy."
She nodded, reading the note. "They're going to detox and fix Willow's broken mind, ladies. Someone get Kennedy down without killing her." She handed the letter to Giles as she walked past him. "It was nice we did get the bad feelings so we weren't in the way."
One of the old liners cleared his throat. "What precipitated this event?"
"Willow was nagging Xander about dating someone nice who could handle helping him help us," one of the younger slayers said with a grin. "Darcy's supposed to be *real* nice and Darrien loves her already. She even fussed over his last injuries and the slayers that went up to start the work off on our new training center." She bounded off. "Buffy and Faith met her."
"We did," Buffy agreed, smiling at Faith.
"If I liked girls, I'd so steal Darcy from him. She's not evil, bad girl, or anything else. She's also into political science type stuff so maybe she can help some if she ever quits working for Jane."
Buffy nodded. "We could use someone who knew how to deal with social media stuff. I keep saying the wrong thing on twitter."
"No, that's the PETA people, Buffy," one of the older girls said. "They hate you for being a slayer. You know how the 'kitten of the seas are the new fish' people are."
"Good point." She grinned at him. "We *all* like Darcy. Even Kennedy liked Darcy. The only one that didn't was Willow. She tried to get them to break up."
"She nagged Xander before we all got that feeling," Faith said dryly. She smiled at Buffy. "Heard from your sister when I was hiding from the cooing at the shoes."
"They were cute," Buffy said with a smile.
"They're trashy and you're not a stripper, B." Buffy rolled her eyes. "Darrien called in D for help against Red's BS against Darcy. Apparently she's trying to *compel* things." Buffy shuddered. "So he called his favorite auntie, who had a 'hell no' fit, and apparently set off the other coven." She grinned. "Darrien even told her if he had to, he'd hide behind you to get away from Willow."
"We need to check for memory spells probably," Buffy sighed. "Maybe Giles can." She walked off. "Darrien's even asked for siblings to fuss over."
Faith nodded. "She's super nice and a bit naughty but not bad. She's even met a few of X's exs and just shrugged them off as weird but useful."
The old line watcher shook his head. "It's good he found someone worthy of his insanity and warping." He walked off to tell the others. They all wished that young lady luck surviving Xander's weird things. She was clearly stronger than they were.
***
Darrien ran into the gym area he had once tried to climb in. "Mr. Barton!" he called, looking around. He spotted his hiding spot and started to climb up, getting Clint's attention. "Daddy said I had to come find someone reasonable because he's off hunting some of his ex's who took my future stepmom to make sure she could live up to their standards for Daddy. He's *real* upset too."
"Okay, we can help him with that," he promised. "Who took her?"
Darrien shrugged. "I don't know. Dara, the local slayer, called Daddy to tell him that one of his ex's had kinda walked Darcy off from getting coffee. We're not sure why or how." He blinked. "You guys have to go help Daddy. Daddy's going to lose his temper big time and destroy stuff. We don't want Daddy to become the bad guy."
"No, I'm sure he won't become a bad guy," Clint promised. "C'mon, we'll go see if we can find him so we can help." He climbed down. Darrien looked then tried. Clint carried him down, grinning at him. "You'll get the hang of climbing down soon."
"I hope so. Some day I want girls to not giggle at me. The slayers all giggle at me when I climb and can't get back down."
"You're six. That's an older kid skill." He carried him up to the living room area, finding Natasha scowling at her phone. "Someone who Xander used to date stole Darcy." He put the kid down and he ran over to babble at her.
She blinked. "Do you know Dara's number so we can ask which one?" He nodded, taking her phone to dial it for her. "You're good with that."
"Darcy taught me." He looked up at her. "Can you help Daddy not turn into the bad guy?"
"Yes we can," Clint said, going to get redressed into his uniform. Natasha walked off talking to the young slayer so she could do the same thing, plus grab more weapons. The slayer knew who one of them had been but not who anyone else was.
Bucky came off the elevator scowling. "Sorry, kid, didn't see you. Where's everyone else?"
"Going to help Daddy not be a bad guy when he destroys his ex's who took my future stepmom to make sure she lives up to their standards. The not-evil Red Queen is talking to Dara."
"That's a good thing." He went to Natasha's room. She opened it before he could knock. "Need help?"
"Yes. I'm taking Barton as well."
"That's fine." He followed her out to the elevator. "We'll go rescue Darcy, Darrien. Just sit down and be a good boy for a little while."
"Of course I will. I was even good when someone stole Daddy for a weekend. Though I did call and the one who had drugged Daddy came to come snatch me too before I called someone to come rescue him. Should I call Miss Mara?"
Natasha considered it. "Is she an assassin?" Darrien smiled and nodded. "We will if we need more help." He ran over to hug them then went back to the couch to watch tv. The trio of assassins left together to go save the knight from becoming the bad guy by saving his girlfriend too hard.
Darrien started to get hungry so he went to check on his Auntie Jane. She seemed neat and she could explain stuff, and Darcy always said that Jane had to eat. That's part of what she did, was making her eat, so maybe he could fill in? They could eat together. He snuck into the lab and into her lap, looking at the pretty star map. She had explained what it was before. "Are those from here?" he asked, grinning up at her.
"Asgard's." She looked at him. "You're not supposed to be in here." She looked around.
"Daddy's off rescuing my future stepmom because some of his ex's wanted to make sure that she was good enough for him. He had me ask the nice guy Mr. Barton to come help him. So they'll find her soon." He grinned. "I came to fill in for her. She said you always need help doing stuff and remembering to do stuff like eating."
Jane smiled at him. "A lot of it is scientific stuff and taking notes for me, Darrien. But sure, you can at least learn something." He beamed and nodded, pointing at the stars and naming them. "That's really good."
"Some rites a few of the coven do depend on star patterns so I had to draw a few out with them once while Daddy was fighting the huge demon that *really* needed to go home."
She nodded. "That's a good reason to learn that." She gave him a cuddle and taught him about the other stars and their solar systems. When she realized she was hungry she looked around then down at him. "We should probably get you to bed. It's almost ten."
He sniffled, pouting at her. "Can I have a snack?"
"You didn't get to eat dinner?"
"Daddy tried to call Dara to come watch me but she was out on a date." He grimaced. "The other two in town are mean. I could go make us sandwiches. Darcy said you have to eat too."
"I do, yeah. We can go make sandwiches. I'm that talented." He grinned and hugged her then got up, helping her straighten up and lock up her research for the night before taking her hand to walk her to the elevator then into the kitchen, babbling about the work the coven had him learning about stars.
Stark was in the kitchen and looked at the kid then at Jane. "They're on a date?"
"Daddy's rescuing her from his ex's," Darrien said.
"Ah!" He nodded. "I wondered where half of us went. Is everyone okay?" he asked Jane.
She shrugged. "The first I heard about it was Darrien coming in to help me like Darcy does."
"That's sweet, kiddo." Darrien grinned, moving to make them sandwiches. "She likes the other cheese."
"Okay," he chirped and made that one his and then hers. She smiled, taking it from him to sit and eat.
Faith walked off the elevator dragging Clint with Natasha storming after her. "Here, returning him. He got knocked out by the demon that wanted to stop Xander from trying to find true love because it'd ruin his bets on the board. They're okay. They're just not local now thanks to them. So I'm here to watch the squirt. Dara finally told him she wasn't and hadn't delegated."
Darrien shrugged. "I helped Auntie Jane with her star stuff. It's even more neat than what the coven had me learning." He ate a bite of sandwich.
Faith patted him on the head. "We'd all love it if you became some sort of doc, kiddo. By the way, your dad, so very pissed at Dara for not coming to protect you."
He snorted and waved a hand like Darcy did. "I'd be okay. The demons that'd want to take me to make Daddy mad at them can't get in here. Plus I have my protections on." He grinned and held up his pendant. "I could've gotten help if I needed to, or run for the weapons room."
"Good point. Still, say nighty-night."
"Night, Auntie Jane and Mr. Stark." He hugged Jane with a grin. "You're a great teacher sort." He walked out, climbing up onto the back of the couch. "Is Mr. Barton okay? I doubt Daddy thought he'd get hurt."
Natasha looked at him. "He was fine until the demon tried to kidnap Darcy to keep them apart. He'll be fine, Darrien." The boy grinned. "Who watched you?"
Faith snorted. "Dara was supposed to or to delegate. Can't you tell?" she quipped. "X *so* chewed her ass until she probably won't want to see her boyfriend for a week."
"Daddy knows I'm good enough to watch myself during battles as long as there's a tv and some stuff to nibble on," Darrien sighed. "Not like we got sitters during battles." He grinned at Clint since he was staring at him. "Are you okay? I can help fuss over you tomorrow."
"I'll be fine, kiddo. Just a bit bruised. You don't have to fuss like your stepmom."
Darrien smiled. "I like being like Darcy. She's neat and does neat things." He blew a kiss. "Night. Night, Not Evil Red Queen." He slid off the back of the couch and took Faith's hand to take her to their apartment so he could take a bath and go to bed.
Natasha smiled at the staring people. "I'm not the evil Red Queen."
"You with magic would be scary, and the one in the book was a bad dresser," Stark quipped. "We're happy with you being the queen you are, Romanoff." He walked off giggling.
Jane smiled at her. "I taught him more about star patterns. He came to fill in for Darcy."
"That's sweet," Natasha said. Bucky came off the elevator shaking his head. "Lost them?"
"Yes," he complained. "But I also made sure the demon was dead when it nearly fell on top of me. Wherever they come back to on this plane, we can make sure they get back easily enough." He flopped down with a scowl. "The kid the slayer admitted she forgot to come watch?"
"With Faith," Jane said. "He came to help me and reminded me about dinner. Apparently he sits himself during battles?"
"Middle of nowhere, no non-combatants," Natasha said. "He can probably do so for a few hours at most. Which was when he sought you out most likely."
"Huh. I didn't even think about that problem." She walked off. "Let me hit the sack too, guys. Feel better, Barton."
"Thanks."
"The happy couple will be back in a few hours from whatever demon realm they're on," Bucky called after her. He looked at Natasha, who smiled. "I'm hoping I never draw demons like that."
"You almost drew a few succuba," Clint said, sitting up holding his ribs. "At the bar with Steve. They ignored him."
"The twins?" Clint nodded. "How did you know?" Clint pointed at Natasha.
"I sprayed them with holy water." She smirked at him. "You need better taste as well."
He snorted. "They were getting flirty, I wasn't buying it," he shot back. "I don't need twins to prove my manhood." He got up. "Let me go clean off anything the falling demon may've dropped on me." He went to take a long hot shower.
Natasha helped Clint to his feet then went to her own room to laugh about all that. Xander did have some of the weirdest luck and so had Darcy. Though it was nice all of Xander's ex's had bought them wedding presents and were dolling her up for him. Even if a few had wanted her in a Madonna-era white bustier. They all knew the one who had picked it had no taste, even though Darcy had looked very sensual in it.
***
Xander finished killing the last demon and shook his sweaty hair back, looking around. "Now, where's Darcy?" he demanded coldly. The demon in charge pointed at a room so he walked that way. Behind him the doors shut and locked. "Not cute. I have to get back to the kid before Faith warps him."
"You can go tomorrow. Consider it a bonding night, Knight and Lady."
Xander looked at her. She shrugged. "I've never had this happen."
"I've never had them be this amused," he admitted, grinning slightly. "Are you okay? I should've asked sooner."
"I'm okay. They scared me a bit and it was a bit weird that your ex's decided to doll me up for you, but sweet of them. Very sweet of them and the demons that took us so you would take out the problem ones were still sweet to me. They even left us dinner that doesn't seem to be nasty or drugged."
He looked then at her. "The meat's got very good endorphin building compounds. Makes you happy and flirty." He stepped closer, giving her a kiss. "Let me shower? I'm nasty."
"I can do that." He grinned, heading in there. She laid down, getting comfortable. Xander came out in a towel. "No flirty clothes?"
"No. They know I'd only rip them. They keep thinking I'm fatter than I am." He laid down beside her, pulling her closer to kiss and cuddle.
She smiled. "Are we giving in to pressure?"
"I think that's up to you," he said with a smile.
She considered it. "We can't hold a wedding yet."
"Up to you. I consider you mine because my hyena loves you to be our pack."
She blushed, poking him on the shoulder. "Being pack is fun." She took another kiss, winding herself around him. "We have to tell the kid."
"He'll be excited."
"Good. I am." He grinned and pulled her closer to make her happy.
***
The head demon's wife knocked the next morning. "Knight, Lady? We have problems we must discuss if you are awake."
"Yeah, we're up and I'm all but dressed," he said. "She's dressed." The demon walked in with a pot of coffee, letting them pour it. "You have the look of a Rosenburg sized issue."
She nodded, clasping her hands in front of her. "She heard that your ex's had conspired to bring you two to the altar and had a fit." Xander sighed and nodded, making 'go on' motions with a hand while he drank the coffee. "She's cursed you two to a non-fairytale ending in this life if you should be bonded at any time when on that plane."
Xander stared at her. "Really?" She nodded, looking down. "What was the curse?"
"That one of you would die in front of the other. She was thinking Lady should go but you know how her curses go."
Xander looked at Darcy, who was looking pissed. "I'm going to call Justice on her again," he said bluntly. "And make her keep her this time." She hugged him. He considered it. "Do you want to beat the witch until she rescinds it?" he asked quietly, staring at her.
"Can we?" she asked, then looked at the demon.
"She called on the hellmouth to lay the curse," the demon sighed. "She can remove it but that will also probably end her."
Xander looked at Darcy, who shrugged. "Ya know what, I'm going to call in the poker debt your brother-in-law owes me. I'd like to see and use his mirror, with Willow in attendance with Buffy and Faith."
"Faith guards your pup."
"Good! I'm still going to kick Dara's ass for not guarding my pup. Or the other two, which might've tried to sacrifice him but at least he wouldn't have been alone."
"JARVIS would've helped him," Darcy reminded him, rubbing his arm. "So would Jane and the others probably."
He sighed. "Yeah but they're still at the tolerating me stage." He looked at her. "Stark thinks I'm not good enough for you, and he's probably right." She swatted him then kissed him on the cheek. He looked at the demon queen. "May we use the mirror?"
"We have it locally for a proposed mating that demanded it in the contract, Knight." He grinned. "The slayers...not totally welcome. We can get the revived one and your leader though."
"That would be great," he agreed with a smile. "Can someone check them for memory spells first?"
"Yes, we can," she said with a smile then left. "Have fun for the next hour or so."
"Yup." He kissed Darcy, who swatted him again but was smiling. "The mirror shows how true a mating is, how destined and how tight the fit is," he said quietly. "I think all this stuff may go back to Willow's former crush on me in school. Then we kissed that few times and she got all freaky about me dating. Even before then she got freaky about me dating and she was seeing Oz."
"You told me about that." She rubbed his shoulder, leaning on his arm. "We'll handle it and her. I can use my tazer like a pro."
He grinned. "That might work too. Might keep me from finding my axe to chop her into pieces." She hugged him. "I can't believe she did that."
"If she can't have you, no one can?" she asked.
"Apparently and she hates my kid too. Even if I thought of her that way, Darrien's staying and I wouldn't allow that." She nodded, cuddling him. "You can probably send an email. They have the internet up here."
She got into her phone to send one to Jane. Who sent back a status report. "Darrien went to fuss over her last night so she'd feed him." Xander winced, shaking his head. "Jane taught him more about the solar systems and then they had sandwiches. Faith showed up then."
"Tell her I'm sorry?"
"I did." She sent the new message. "The only one that was giving funny looks was Stark and even he'd have to do that sometimes because Pepper would be with him or somewhere completely different."
Xander nodded. "I try really hard not to let him get near the bad things."
She smiled. "We can protect each other." He relaxed again, kissing her gently. "Are we going to get ambushed by more of your ex's that're going to give prezzies?"
"I don't know. That was only six of the last eighteen." She sat up to stare at him. "Easy and fun, Darcy. Sorry?"
"No, I get that." She cuddled again. "It's nice that we can keep each other's tempers," she quipped.
"Yeah, you're doing a great job on mine." He smirked. She swatted him again but it'd be okay.
***
Buffy and Giles were let into the room with Willow, who was in chains. "Xander, Darcy? Are we okay? Need rescued?"
"Not exactly," Xander said, waving a hand at Willow. Thor stomped in. "Lord Thor. We're going to see something because *someone* laid a curse on us." He stared at Willow. "Go stand in front of the mirror, Willow."
"Why?" she demanded, trying to get free. Giles stared at the mirror, mouthing the translation to the words carved over it. Then he shoved her over. She stared. Beside her was Oz. Not Tara, Oz. "What is this thing?" she demanded, staring at Xander. "Explain yourself, Mister, before I finish losing my temper!"
"That is a mirror of True Mating," Thor said, staring at the young warrior. Xander nodded. "That is bold."
"Yep, but necessary," Xander said quietly. "That mirror shows a single person their true mate or a couple how well they fit together." He stared at her. "Which one's there?"
Buffy moved to see better. "That's Oz. He looks rough."
"It's a tough thing being a pack second," Xander said. He looked at her. Then he stepped forward. The aura between them looked like dark gray storm clouds. He looked at Willow. "Even if you still thought of it like you did before you found Oz, that proves it's a bad match."
"You're ...." She struggled to get free again. "You're wrong! It's not! It's never been that! You're just a guy and you're wrong!"
Darcy stepped up when Xander held out a hand. Buffy stopped her and moved Willow so only Xander stood there. No one. "Damn," Buffy sighed, letting Darcy go to him. Between them were silver clouds, light silver with flashes of blue and purple.
Thor nodded. "That's a good sign. Mine with Jane should be so happy." He looked at Darcy then at Xander. "I want your sworn word you will take as good of care of her as you do your son."
Xander pulled Buffy's knife off her hip and cut his thumb. "I swear on my blood to take care of Darcy as best I can." Above them tiny chimes rang out.
Thor nodded, smiling at them. "Then felicitations on your future union, Knight." He hugged them. "Congratulations, Darcy."
"Thanks, Thor." She grinned at him. "They wanted us to bond last night but the curse she laid meant we'll die. Probably in front of the kid."
Thor winced, staring at the crying witch. "I do not understand why," he admitted.
Xander shook his head. "Before we met Buffy, Willow was my best friend and used to have a terrible crush on me. I was her ideal. Not the real me but the ideal me that paid attention to her and protected her, helped her with things she couldn't figure out on her own. It let her have someone to mother when I got hurt and stuff like that." Thor sighed but nodded. "It took the place of the faulty relationship her parents and everyone else had with her. The ideal me was all she needed.
"Then Buffy came and I had a tiny crush on her until she turned into a bitch." Buffy rolled her eyes but nodded. "That didn't help the crush end. Even when she started to date Oz, her anointed true mate according to the mirror, it wasn't enough. Somehow we ended up kissing a few times and then she freaked out. Which was when all the 'normal guy' and 'useless' stuff started. Which sounds a lot like her pushing me away because it made her freak out basically."
"It's fairly well understood psychologically," Giles agreed. "She convinced us that he was just getting injured and in the way. Which led to our group not being as strong." Buffy nodded, punching Xander on the arm.
Darcy looked at her. "Don't give him bruises to have me baby, Buffy. He has plenty from yesterday." Buffy grinned but nodded, stepping back. She looked at Xander then at Willow. "So all the stress was you breaking the ideal?"
"Yeah. That's all I could figure out." Willow was sobbing now. "Frankly, I blame that on her parents. They were worse than mine. At least mine were physically present if something happened." He sighed. "Now, we've got to find some way to remove the curse. Before I leave my kid and my fiancee. Because I'll be damned if that curse is going to hit Darcy or Darrien."
"I'd kill her if it was tried," Darcy said. Faith strolled in with Jane and the kid.
Darrien walked up to Willow and stared at her then stabbed her in the arm with a knife he had gotten from his father's collection. "You're even worse than an evil queen or a bad demon that wants to kill humanity." He let his father take the knife and swat him. "She deserved it!"
"You are too young to stab someone," he said, staring at him. "Starting down that path means you become me instead of Darcy and I'd rather you grew up more like her. That way you get a long life of happy times and your own kids. Not dying in a demon battle that suddenly cropped up next to you."
Darrien pouted, looking down. "Yes, Daddy. She still deserved it."
"Yes she does," Darcy agreed, taking him to cuddle. "But that's a mommy and daddy job, not the kid's job." She stared at him. "Got it?" He nodded. "Good." She kissed him on the head. "Xander?"
"The only way the curse is gone is if she removes it, Darcy."
Darcy looked at Willow. "Is it really worth killing him to make yourself feel better?" She shook her head, staring at the knife. "No, you don't get to do that in front of the kid. Sorry." She kicked it back towards Xander, who picked it up. "If you're that desperate, then find another way where no one has to find you or your remains, Willow." She walked off with the kid. "We're going to be over here with Jane." She looked at her best friend and boss. "Thanks for watching him for us last night."
"You're welcome. He soaks up knowledge like a sponge and he was a good boy. Even helped make sandwiches when I said I should eat and realized he hadn't." He shrugged but cuddled Darcy. "Now what?"
"Now.... if she doesn't remove the curse I don't know," Darcy admitted. "Xander's saying he'll go back alone to make sure it hasn't taken."
"No!" Willow shouted, standing up to glare at him. "You will not! You're not sacrificing yourself for anyone!"
He punched her, knocking her back down. "I'm not going to let you kill my fiancee or my kid, Willow. If the choice is me or them? It's me. That's what a real parent is." She burst out crying again. "The only other choice is me staying up here or you taking off the spell for good. We can find a nice demon realm to live on. That's not a problem. There's a few I know that I'd love to set up a new farm on and spoil them rotten." Buffy moaned, staring at him. He shrugged. "The only choices we have thanks to her curse."
"Can the coven?" Buffy asked Giles.
"She pulled both hellmouths to cast it," their host said. Buffy winced, walking off. He saw her glance in the mirror and pout. "Slayer, none of you are allowed anyone anointed or ordained," he said quietly, making her stare at him. "Your calling prevents it by orders from on high."
She smiled. "But I can find someone good for me?"
"Yes."
"Did Xander have one?"
"They removed the lines so he couldn't as a punishment. That and the compulsion a certain young slayer laid to protect herself severed any chance of one ever building," he said with a nod at Darrien and Darcy. Buffy winced.
Xander shrugged. "I always knew I didn't have one. If I did, I would've found them by now. It's good that Darcy and I fit like we were ordained though. She's kinda perfect for me even though she doesn't like weapons. I might even be a bit less warrior stud because of her."
"You'll do both," Darcy assured him with a grin. "To protect the girls and all of us. The same as the team does and then they have their real lives. It's like the national guard only yours is full time teaching."
He nodded. "I love that you understand."
"Your vows to the slayers are as deep as Jane's to science, Xander. I get that." He walked over to kiss her. Darrien giggled at being smooshed between them.
Buffy looked at Giles and Faith, who shrugged back. "Willow, remove the curse and all the spells you've put on the slayers," she ordered quietly. "If you take the one thing that makes Xander that happy, you deserve to die and I'll make sure of it. Even if I do have to see my mom again. She'd probably cheer." Willow was back to crying. "Now, Willow."
"Slayer, it could end her," their host said.
Buffy nodded. "She's come back once. I came back three times. She shouldn't have come back this time but the Powers sent her back."
"No," Giles sighed, looking at her. "Another seer got a message about that. The spells and curses she had on us to make us like she expected us to be kept her from being pulled over."
Xander nodded. "Meaning the one on me and the one making Buffy stay the airheaded cheerleader?"
"And me being more of a booknerd sort, yes," Giles agreed.
"So the will spell only worse," Xander said. Giles nodded. "Great."
"I'll miss being so happy and cheerful but oh well," Buffy said, glaring at Willow. "Remove it before I call on someone myself, Willow. You're not going to rob Xander of the only happiness he has."
"He's our happily ever after," Faith agreed.
"Does that make me the Frog Prince's tadpole?" Darrien joked.
"Yup, sure does," Buffy called back. "Which is why you need a good princess like your stepmom to kiss you some day."
"Two of his ex's have had kids to be around his age," Darcy quipped. "They told me when they were dolling me up so they could do a shotgun wedding."
Willow hopped up and went after them but Faith shoved her back and Buffy punched her this time. "No," Buffy said. "No. Sorry. Xander deserves to be happy with everything he gave up for us."
"He's..." she started. Buffy glared. Willow shrank back. This was the Mother Slayer, not her friend. "I...."
"Take off the spells," Giles said firmly and coldly. "Now, Willow. You've already faced retribution once. Do you wish to face it again?"
"I can't!" she shouted.
"Bullshit," Faith shot back more quietly. "If it happens it's no different than you using the knife, Red." Xander and Darcy walked out with the baby and Jane. Xander came back alone. "They okay?"
"Darrien's showing how he learned to make tea. I don't want my kid to ever see something like this and Darcy doesn't need to either." Thor nodded he agreed. He looked at Willow. "There is a chance you can remove the curses without dying. Then again, you're basically a zombie since no one properly sent you back." He pointed behind him. "They were staring at the doorway when we walked out."
Buffy looked. "We've had a few at the house freaking out everyone," she agreed. "Because of...." she pointed at Willow.
"She didn't get sent back, she escaped," Xander said simply. Giles shuddered, hugging himself.
"If she truly used this chance to right some of the wrongs that got Justice called on her, then they will let her go back," Thor said quietly. "She can serve her punishment and petition to be given back to one of the slayers as a helper."
"Hopefully at a point in time when she doesn't give my kid screaming nightmares," Xander sighed. He rubbed his forehead. "Someone with bigger powers just landed." He pointed. "And they're not happy."
Darrien opened the door. "The Lady of Justice," he announced. He grinned up at her. "Did I do good?"
"You did super, kiddo. Go get a cookie?" Xander suggested with a grin. He ran off to do that. Xander stared at the goddess.
She smiled. "He offered. Said it fit since you were being a Knight and your bonded one is a Lady." She walked over, staring at Willow. She sighed. "I cannot remove the curses."
"Did you summon her again?" Giles asked, staring Xander down.
"No, I didn't."
"He did not, Rupert. This is the first time this soul improperly taken from my realm could be found and retrieved." She looked at him. "Though he has every cause to call me this time." Giles nodded, looking down. She looked at Xander.
"All I'd want is for her to remove it. And then maybe see a *good* shrink." He rubbed his head again. "I ... I can't. I'm sorry but I can't witness this. I don't want to have nightmares about this, I don't want this to follow me into the afterlife. Because we all know there'll be an attack soon because we're up here." He walked off to cuddle his son.
Buffy winced, looking at Faith. Who nodded. "We'll get to it when we get back," Faith reminded her. "Unless the nice beings up here can make us go back in time."
"If they did that it would undo the binding," the Goddess of Justice said. "Which would be a shame. They are so adorable together." She looked at Buffy. "Being a slayer does not mean you can't find someone decent, dear. Your mother would appreciate it. She said so." Buffy nodded, looking down and kicking at the stones. "She said she did like that nice professor but he was a bit too mean for you."
"Considering they found him guilty of eating living people? Yup," she said dryly.
"Is that what he did?" Faith asked, grimacing. "Eww."
"I didn't know. Xander sniffed him and asked why he smelled like a carrion eater."
"Yes, and I alerted the authorities to look into him," Giles said bluntly. "I don't care if it's Spike, Buffy, but do date someone who makes you happy who won't kill the others?"
"That leaves out Spike," she said but smiled at him. Giles gave her a pointed look back. "I'll tell him you said that but he's going to pout about the whole not being a killer thing."
"Fine, have him find you one then." Faith walked off laughing. They looked around then at Willow. She was praying but the Goddess was staring down at her until she finally gave in and undid the curse.
Faith walked out, finding Darcy crying on Darrien. "Something new happen?"
"Happy tears," Darcy said with a hand flap.
"Oh, okay. He's good at helping those too." She patted Darrien on the back and walked around them. Xander grinned. She glanced at Darcy then back at him.
"Darrien asked if I thought his mom would mind if he called Darcy mom," Xander said quietly.
"Awww. I doubt she would. Darcy's clearly strong enough to be one of us." She looked back then at Xander again. "We can probably go."
"We probably can," he agreed, getting up to grab the weapons. Darcy cuddled the baby harder and Jane came to join them. "Thanks, Paul."
"Welcome, Xander, and happy bonding, you two." He smiled and got them back to earth with Buffy and Giles. The goddess could deal with her own punishment.
Xander landed and yup, there was a battle. Xander handed Buffy his spare sword. Faith grabbed one that someone threw toward her. "Darcy?" He took a kiss and then one on Darrien's head.
"Jane and I are going to hide," she agreed, hiking off with Jane helping. Agents came toward them. "We're going to hide in the Tower."
"Ma'am, you're not allowed in there."
Jane sneered then pointed at Thor. "I'm pretty sure I live with him and my assistant is going with me." The agent glared. Jane took the baby and let Darcy hit him. "Nice one."
Darrien looked down at him then smiled. "I'm Darrien Harris. This is my new mom." He cuddled Darcy with a grin. The agent screamed and ran away. "Cool!" He waved then they all got out of the way of the battle. Darrien looked back. "Wow, that's gross. It's shooting boogers."
Darcy turned him around so he wouldn't have to see. "There's plenty of nastier body fluids, Darrien. It could be peeing on them."
"Ewww, that's even more gross," he agreed but he grinned at her. They made it into the tower and the guards got them to the safe area with Pepper. "Hi, Miss Pepper."
"Hi, Darrien. Where were you?" she asked Darcy.
"We got picked up from having to defend ourselves from some of Xander's ex's trying to do a shotgun wedding. The demon plane helped us but there was a problem they wanted and needed Xander to come solve," she babbled, sitting down with a sigh, cuddling the baby but turning him so he couldn't see the tv. "Then there was a curse we had to solve and all sorts of drama."
"But they're going to get married soon. Which I guess means I've got to get dressed up and wear *shoes*," Darrien said with a grimace and duck lips.
Darcy gave him a cuddle. "We'll see." He grinned up at her. She was watching the battle on tv, wincing at Xander's arm being cut into. Then one of the slayers quipped that Darcy would baby that for him. The demons all complained and huffed but the slayers beat them back. Xander walked off waving at the girls. They tried to carry him off to talk about wedding stuff but he said they had to talk to Darrien. They pouted but oh well! Darcy laughed. Pepper reached over to pat her on the arm.
Darrien looked over. "Did one of the slayers just say I had to talk about wedding stuff with them?"
"Your father did so they wouldn't carry him off to do it for us."
"Oh, shoot. They're going to make *plans*." He cuddled into her arms. "Save me?"
"Yeah, I can do that." She grinned at Jane then at Darrien. "Thor knows a lot of warriors who might want to date slayers." Darrien giggled, sending that to his auntie's phone. Faith read it out loud and the girls ran off to talk to Thor about the unmarried, non-dating warriors who might like them. Darrien and Darcy shared a high-five and went to fix a post-battle snack. Jane and Pepper came to help.
Bucky stomped off the elevator, coming to stare at Darcy. "Can you talk the slayers into giving Steve back?"
"Have to ask Xander," she said. "I don't have that power."
Bucky groaned, going to find Xander in the infirmary. Xander looked up from being forced to let them do his stitches. "If he had less manners they'd like him less. They think it's so sweet he has manners and he's shy about them feeling up his muscles. Have Natasha talk to them."
She looked over then sighed. "The girls do look up to me," she agreed. "I can talk to them once I've bathed off the demon snot."
"At least this one doesn't shoot paralyzing demon snot," Xander quipped.
"Eww," Clint Barton complained from his seat.
"No, ewww was ending up inside one of them to set the explosive," Xander said. "Seriously."
"Don't share," Stark ordered. "I don't need to vomit. Or more than I already am over the gooeyness." He got finished and walked off to check on Pepper. He stared at Darcy. "Do something sweet in Las Vegas?"
She smirked. "Xander said an altar in the woods."
"Whatever! Just...cut down on the sap?" Pepper hit him on the arm. "It is, Pep."
"It's cute, Tony. Darcy deserves to be very happy and so does Xander."
"So?" he complained. "I'm getting cavities." Darcy threw something at him and he caught it then ate it since it was food. Xander strolled in and picked up Darcy, carrying her off with Darrien climbing up his back to 'help'. Pepper and Tony both smiled at the cuteness but then Tony went to find something meaner to take that out of his body before he overdosed on sweetness. He wouldn't be Tony Stark if he was sweet.
Pepper giggled and pulled up resources for Darcy to go through for planning ideas. It might calm down the other slayers too. Natasha came back a few hours later with a newly rescued Steve Rogers, who was shellshocked or something since all he could do was stare with that horrified look on his face.
Bucky looked his buddy over then looked at Natasha. "Girl talk?"
"Bikinis and periods," she said with smile. Steve grimaced, shuddering a tiny bit. "Jane, Thor will be back soon. He has agreed to introduce the slayers to some of the warriors. He's got high hopes one of them takes in Fandral."
She smiled. "That'd be nice for them both."
Steve shook his head quickly and got up to go to his rooms to rest. Girls weren't like that in his day.
The End.
The Babes of the Night.