Joyceline stole her father's phone the next night when he laid down on the couch to nap while they finished working off their snacks from earlier at the zoo. She found Pepper's number, it had her picture on it. She pushed it and smiled when it was answered. "Pepper! Animals!" she squealed. "Lots animals!" She grinned, listening to that auntie talk about the zoo. "Oooh? Yes, more animals! Few today, some later. Yup, lots animals!" she said with a huge grin for her father, who was staring at her. "Daddy!" She handed it over.
"We bought a yearly zoo pass earlier," he said in greeting. "It allows up to six kids for free and it'll give discounts at other zoos. So if you wanted to let him take her to the one up there, I'll send the card with her." He sat up with a groan. "No, she did really good with the animals but she's seen some before in villages. She already had a fondness for donkeys and dogs. Arlin's got a stuffed tiger that they chide each other with when they get mean to each other. We did about a third of the zoo today, mostly the African section since it was nearer to the entrance. Fish? I don't know about fish. We didn't do that part yet." She laughed. "So if he wants to take her to an aquarium that's all good. It's good for her and it'd give him some stress free time if he wanted.
"Yup, no, it's the cheaper family membership. Don't worry about it. It was less than a month's pay, so it's all good. No, only eighty-five here for the basic family plan and it has a babysitter option so that's even more handy in case they want to bring a slayer. Plus it gives us a discount if we wanted to plan a later birthday party there or something. Yup. Thanks. No, she stole my phone from my pocket while I was resting my eyes. We just got home. Thanks, Pepper. Have a great night. Say night, Joy," he said, holding the phone toward her.
"Nighties, Pepper!" she cooed. "Good girl!" She blew a kiss and hung up.
He grinned at her. "Ask when you want my phone, not stealing it," he said. "Go play." She cooed at Nira, who was napping in her carrier. The boys were finally settling down. She huffed but cuddled Arlin since he had the tiger. They'd have to decide if they wanted some stuffed friends later.
Xander laid back down, smiling at his heathens. They had been really well behaved. Much better than the kids he had seen at the DMV that morning. And no mean people who complained about his fake eye.
***
Tony Stark looked up as Pepper walked into his lab smiling. "Good news? Our stock is up?"
"Your daughter stole his phone to call me about the animals she saw today. They did about a third of the Cleveland zoo."
"Awww."
"He said he'd send the membership card up with us to get discounted admission if you wanted to take her to ours. He's not sure if she knows what fish are."
"I can definitely plan that the next time she's up here." He smiled at her. "She seemed to like animals. She stopped everyone to try to pet their dogs when we went out that night."
Pepper nodded. "She's seen some when they were traveling. Xander said she liked donkeys and dogs from the villages."
"Even better. Maybe she'll be a vet or something."
"Maybe." She patted him on the arm. "You need to redo your will."
"Yup, I'll get on that tonight." She smiled and left him to work. He settled in to read over his old will, and make the necessary changes. His lawyer would love that but oh well.
***
"Dwarves aren't real!" a male called as he walked away from Abby.
"Xander, the father of my son, had some babysitting the kids while he took mystical artifacts from HYDRA," Tony quipped as he passed by him in the hall. "Not sure if they were from Asgard too."
The agent shuddered, going to complain about that thought. Maybe they'd get DiNozzo sent in for a drug test.
Abby pouted at him. "I told him about the babysitting time the dwarves in Africa did," he said, making her happy again. "Not sure if they were originally Asgardian."
"Maybe. The myths do talk about dwarves."
"I need help finding more stuffed friends for them, Abby. They make every single animal in a stuffed size."
"What animals do they like?"
"Every one according to Xander. They did a third of the Cleveland zoo, mostly the African parts." He sat down. "I'm not sure what type I should get and if I should get more than one so they don't have to share."
"You probably could. You're at least an uncle to the other kids. Wow, Xander's stronger than I am if he took all four kids to the zoo."
"Five. He has Nira most of the time."
"Hmm." She considered it. "You can get them one of each that you find cute."
"They had stuffed huskies and otters that were cute. They had stuffed elephants and giraffes too. Even on sale that's a huge zoo of animals."
"There's other babies at the Council." She considered it. "You could start with one animal from each section of the zoo up there. I think it's broken into sections." She looked and nodded. "So basically one from each exhibit." She looked at him. "Or you could let them pick it out."
"Their birthdays are really soon."
"Are they on the same day?"
"Not sure," he admitted. He sent Xander a text message, getting one back. "The American embassy he took them to for the paperwork threw fits about their lack of birth certificates until he pointed out that they had made the kids without his help, and the lab notes had all that in there. They issued them birth certificates with that information and they all have passports." He nodded, sending back a question about stuffed animals. "Xander's having a vision of a huge room full of stuffed animals. He suggested a monkey, a dog, and a cuddly thing of some sort. So maybe a bear." He got a second message, grinning at the silliness of the suggestion. "He said he's getting them germ plushies so they can tell him what's upsetting them. Just the common ones like ear ache, colds, stomach aches, those ones. Plus one for Joyceline to give to her daddy for his birthday."
"Some of those are very cute," Abby agreed, pulling up that webpage. "I have a few at home. Including the two lab mice ones." She smiled at Ducky when he came in. "Xander's going to get the common kiddy things in plushie form so the kids can tell him what's wrong."
"Those are adorable. I know a health educator who uses the sexual disease ones as educational tools."
"Hopefully my son will never bring one of those to a doctor to tell him what's wrong," Tony said dryly, grinning at him. "I'm trying to decide what stuffed animals to get the kids for their upcoming birthdays."
"Bears seem to be very standard."
"Xander suggested I get a monkey, a dog, and a cuddly thing that the tiger would eat."
"Get a giant stuffed rabbit?" Abby said with a grin. "That'd scare the tiger."
"Joy would use it to bully the boys. He's been working on her over that problem."
"I thought it was neat how the boys use the tiger to make her stop it," Abby said, grinning at Ducky.
"It was a darling tiger. Did you two see the news stories about a stuffed tiger causing calls to emergency services? They thought it was real more than once."
"I'm hoping the one the boys have won't turn real to protect them," Tony said.
"I hadn't thought about them doing that but I suppose someone like Miss Rosenburg could. She's turned people into animals in the past." He patted Tony on the arm before leaving to find a way to get that thought out of his head.
"So a stuffed monkey, a stuffed husky, and a stuffed bunny?" Abby suggested.
Tony nodded. "That sounds good to me."
***
Joyceline was once again up in New York with her father, just after her birthday so they could celebrate it. She had her new stuffed long-haired bunny rabbit in her lap to pet. "Daddy?" He hummed, looking at her. "Nira come?"
"I think she needs to be with her daddy."
"You?"
"No, she's Andrew and Xander's. Not mine." He gave her a short hug and a smile. "You're my only baby, Joy." She stared at him, clearly not understanding. "You can call her later if you want." She nodded, going back to petting her rabbit. "You've been very good today."
"Good girl's candy?" she asked with a grin.
"If you can talk Pepper into not making cake, sure." She squealed and ran off to find Pepper. Tony chased after her so she wouldn't get hurt. She was really fast!
She found Pepper and someone was nagging her about something. "Shithead! My Pepper!" She kicked him on the ankle. "Daddy be *very* mad!"
Pepper smiled at her, taking her to cuddle. "Yes, I'm your favorite auntie," she cooed. "It's all right. He's not upsetting me that much, Joy."
"Nira?" she asked her.
"Um, well." She looked at Tony, who shrugged. "You know how Arlin has his own daddy with Daddy Xander?"
She frowned. "Confoosed!"
"We'll go over it later, after we call Nira and the boys." Joy squealed, hugging her as hard as she could. "You're such a good girl."
"Good girl candy?" she asked, looking hopeful, holding up her pouty bunny to help her case.
"We're having cake for dinner since you're two yesterday. It's your birthday party tonight. Don't you want cake?" Joy got up to dance around at the cake idea. "I thought you might like cake." She patted her on the head. "You're still a great little girl." She smiled at the idiot annoying her. "You're still here?" He huffed off.
"Brovers?" she asked her auntie and daddy. "They need cake."
"They have cake at home with all the other aunties and uncles," Tony said. "Tonight's our celebration for just us. Okay?" She nodded. "Why don't you go see Clint. He's pouty today." She frowned. "Bow guy, Joy. He could use a hug from your rabbit."
She frowned as she looked around. Tony took her up to the common area. She heard Clint on the porch and ran out to pounce him. "Not happy? Have cake."
"We're having cake for dinner?" he asked with a smile for her. "It must be your birthday." She grinned. "Aww, is that your rabbit? I heard Uncle Tony bought you one."
She held it up. "Candy?" she asked, pouting like her rabbit was.
"Cake later, then candy." She hugged him again, making him happier. "Why are you up here by yourself?"
"Daddy say huggy you."
"Ah! Yeah, I could use a hug. Want read to?" She looked around almost frantically, finding a book to bring back. "Sure, I can read you that." He settled her next to him on the chair to read. She was a great little girl. Natasha came out to sit near them. "We're having cake later."
"Hmm. Tony said her birthday was yesterday so this is her party with us." She smiled at the young girl.
"Candy?" she asked, pouting with her rabbit at the new auntie. She liked this one. She seemed nice like her other daddy was.
"Candy after cake," Clint said. "Want the rest of the story?" She stared up at him, letting him get back to reading.
Natasha smiled at the duo. Joyceline was very good at begging. She'd get some of Clint's candy stash by dinner she was sure.
***
Joyceline was wandering around the tower that night. She should have been in bed but something had woken her. So now she was wandering around. She found a weird room that was very bright and had a bed that didn't look very comfy. It looked uncomfy like the crib Nira slept in. She noticed the sheets moved so someone was up there. She wandered in and stared up at the top of the bed. It was really high. She held her rabbit up to stare over the edge of the bed for her. If they were nice like her daddy her rabbit would like them. A dark haired man's head looked down at her. "Hi!" She grinned and waved.
"How did you get in here?"
She held up her rabbit. "Hoppity."
"It's a nice rabbit, kid. Who are you?"
She looked. "Up?"
"You shouldn't." She pouted. Then sniffled. He pulled her up to keep her contained with her rabbit. "Who're you?"
"Good girl." She grinned. "Candy?" she asked, pouting like the rabbit she held up.
"I don't have any candy. They don't let me. Sorry. That's a cute rabbit. Does it have a name?"
She looked around. She needed the tiger. "Grr?" she asked, protecting her rabbit from the grr. Things that went grr were mean and would eat her rabbit.
"No, I don't go grr. Does your parent work here? In the tower?" She leaned over to hug him. "Um... you shouldn't do that."
"Hugs," she said, staring up at him, grinning slightly. "Need hugs."
"I guess you needing a hug is okay."
"You need. Me hoppity." She grinned, pulling her rabbit with her to cuddle him. He needed a cuddle. He seemed nice like her daddy so that was cool. "Unclie?"
"I....maybe. I have no idea." He was giving the kid an odd look but she pulled his metallic arm over to hug her. "Um...sure. I guess I can give you a hug. I won't hurt you."
She giggled. "Not bad guy. Not shiny." She grinned, going back to her cuddling.
About an hour later, someone stomped in. "She walked in and made her rabbit stare at me," he told Steve. "I have no idea who she is. I asked and she avoided questions like a pro."
"That's Joyceline. She's half Tony's and half a guy in Cleveland's. HYDRA made her come into being."
"Did they tamper?" he demanded.
"Not that we can tell. They wanted future soldiers," he said quietly. "Is she okay?"
"She begged for candy. She said I needed a hug and I wasn't a bad boy because I'm not shiny."
"She's the same one that went to pet the shiny villain a few months back," Steve said dryly. "Somehow, she keeps getting free to wander." He stared at his old friend. "Are you okay? Did she hurt you?"
"No. I feel really weird. She pulled my arm over to make me hug her." He looked down at her. "She's a special little girl. Bit smartass but one hell of a girl."
"Like both her fathers," Steve agreed. "Her brother likes weapons." He carefully picked her up but she flinched and struggled. "Hey, it's me, it's Uncle Steve. I'm taking you back to your dad so you can go to bed. Calm down, Joyceline!"
"No!" she shouted and wiggled enough he had to drop her. "Good boy! Not bed!" She picked up her rabbit to hide behind her. "Need grr," she complained.
"The tiger's at home, sweetheart. You know me. You can come visit James in the morning. It's late and you should be in bed." She scowled at him. "I've seen that look on your dad's face when I suggested he go to bed instead of staying up for another day in the lab," he said dryly. He pulled out his phone to text Tony, who came jogging in. "She wouldn't let me remove her. She panicked a bit and said she needed her brother's stuffed tiger."
"She wouldn't tell me who she was," James said. "She snuck in and I woke up to a rabbit staring at me. She made me hug her and told me I'm not shiny."
Stark blinked at his daughter, who was trying to protect James and her rabbit. "Hmm. Okay. Joy, wanna come to the lab with me?"
"No! Hugs!" She pointed at Bucky. "Needs hugs! Mine!"
"Okay, we'll all go to the lab for now," he said, looking at James, who nodded. He got up with her, letting her climb up to hug him again. Steve made sure she had the rabbit to cuddle and they went to the lab. "Step into the scanner," Tony said quietly. "I'm going to see if she's got a gift like empathy."
"Why would HYDRA give her that?" Steve asked.
"It could be natural," Tony said. "Two of the boys have magic." Bucky moved closer to the scanner and she stiffened. "It's all right. I'm just taking pictures of your rabbit. We have to name the rabbit, Joy. What should we name it?" He set the scanner going. Bucky was close enough.
She watched the light go over her, frowning at it. "Why?"
"It's taking pictures," Tony said with a grin. "So we can have a permanent one on the computer. That way I can look at it when I miss you." On his computer a picture popped into view. "See?"
She looked then at him, shaking her head. "Not me."
"Oh, no, that's the insides. Let me do it again." He did and took a picture of her the regular way. That came up in front of the scans. "There, better picture." She grinned at him. "Want James to take you to bed? He can read a story too."
"Story?" she asked, eyes wide as she stared up at him.
"Yeah, I can read. I have no idea what to do with you though."
"Good girl. Candy?" she asked with a grin for her father.
"In the morning. After breakfast. I have to buy some," he lied. She huffed but poked Bucky. He picked up a kid book and Steve took them up to her room to put her down again while Tony looked over the scans.
***
The next night, Bucky looked down from staring at the ceiling, seeing a familiar rabbit staring at him from over the edge of the bed. He sat up to look down at her. "What are you doing in here?" She tried to climb up but couldn't. She fussed, she pouted. He stared at her.
"Up!" she whined. "Pwease!"
"Fine." He picked her up and put her onto the foot of the bed. She and the rabbit climbed up into his lap and pulled his arms around her to hug. "Doesn't Daddy hug you?"
"You hug."
"Fine, I'll hug." He cuddled her, watching her fall asleep. Tony strolled in a short while later. "This is weird."
"It appears she's a bit empathic somehow." He carefully took her back. "I know you won't hurt her, Barnes. Even if she bites you or something."
"She only wants me to hug her and the rabbit."
"An empath would feel you being upset or sad so she's trying to make you feel better, not herself," Tony said, staring at him. Barnes winced. "It's nothing you're doing, and no one's going to tell you to quit having those feelings. I'll try to figure out how to help her block those. Maybe Xander knows." He carried her off, bringing her back to the lab. Xander worked nights so he was probably up. With Nira being fussy as it turned out when Skype connected. "Our daughter is apparently an empath of some sort."
Xander quit patting Nira's back to stare at him. "I hadn't realized that. Especially with the way she bullies the boys."
"I scanned her after she went down to make Barnes hug her with her rabbit." He looked at her then at Xander on the screen. "Is there anything we can do to help her block it before all the hormonal girls you live around drive her nuts?"
"It's not an unheard of skill, it's seen a lot like being a seer. All the mentions I've seen come with magic usually or a gift like being a seer actually. She's tested negative for any gifts when I had a coven member look. Jesse and Arlin both have magic but Arlin's is pretty weak, barely capable of doing anything with it they said." He considered it. "I'll look that up tonight and ask the coven tomorrow. Without asking Willow."
"Thanks. It's a bit worrying. What if it's a sad shiny bad guy next time," Tony quipped.
"She'd probably adopt him," Xander joked back, grinning at him. Nira let out a loud wail. "What?" he asked her, staring at her. "I have no idea what's wrong tonight. The baby doc said it wasn't colic."
"Milk allergy? Changed her formula?" Tony guessed.
"Tiny bit of the formula. Different type but the same brand. She hated the other stuff though." He shrugged, patting her on the back again and looking down the back of her diaper. "Just air so far. Maybe she's backed up. We have no idea. She ran Andrew ragged all day." He saw the rabbit twitch and grinned. "Hey, Princess."
"Daddy?" She grinned. "Nira!" She stared. "She have belly."
"I knew she had a belly ache, sweetie. Any idea why?"
She shook her head. "Just belly." She hugged her rabbit and her father's arm. "Me home soon?"
"Soonish. This weekend. I've got to come up for a meeting so me and the boys will pick you up and bring you home then?" he asked Tony.
"That works for us," he agreed, smiling at his little girl. "She's been very helpful."
"That's great. I like her in helpful mode a lot more than I liked her in picking on her brothers mode."
"Me girl," she said.
"You're not the only girl. Nira's a girl too," Xander shot back with a grin. "Don't pick on the boys."
"Yes, Daddy."
"Thank you. Who were you hugging?"
"Tired man. Him have shiny arm but he not shiny. He tired and upset and sore and needed hug," she said with a nod.
"Okay, that's really nice of you, dear. Thank you for making him feel better." She grinned again. He looked at Tony. "Did you take her to the z-o-o?"
"For six hours of squealing," Tony said. "We went with a few of the kids with parents who work in the tower. Me, four other parents, and sixteen kids of varying ages."
"Could be worse. It could be an entire kindergarten class of thirty or so with just you and two other adults," Xander said. "We ran into one of those on our last trip to the one here. The teachers *really* needed a drink and they'd only been through three exhibits."
"I'm so glad I'm not ever going to do that," Tony said.
Xander smiled. "Me too. Five is more than enough." He waved. "I'll see you Saturday. Okay? Three more days?" She grinned and nodded, waving her rabbit's paw at him. "Nighty night, Joy."
"Nighties, Daddy." She blew kisses until Tony turned it off. She looked up at this daddy. "Story?"
"I can do that," he agreed, carrying her off to bed. "You have been very good."
"Candy?" she asked with a grin.
"Tomorrow. I haven't gotten to buy any yet." She was also very impatient. Clearly that came from him.
***
Steve noticed Joyceline coming off the elevator looking slightly upset but scowling like she was pissed off. "Hey, Joy, are you okay?" he asked with a grin. He adored the little girl. She was a little hellion.
She looked at him. "Hoppity mad."
"Your rabbit's mad? Why is your rabbit mad?"
"No!" She stomped a foot like Auntie Dawn did. She huffed, walking off cuddling her rabbit again. The other mad one wasn't any better. She found him first so she hugged him. "No be mad."
He flinched, looking down at her. "I'm not mad at you, Joy. You're a good girl, even if you shouldn't be wandering around without someone watching you." He picked her up to hug. "See, I'm not mad."
She stared at him. "Dumbass. Is mad."
He blinked at her. "I promise I'm not mad." She huffed just like her auntie did when boys were being clueless. Then she wiggled to get down and wandered off again babbling noise at her rabbit. Bruce went to talk to Tony. "Is something wrong with Joy? She just came to hug me because she thought I was mad. She called me a dumbass when I told her I wasn't mad, then she huffed off like a teenage girl."
Tony grinned at him. "We think she's empathic. She's been going to make Bucky hug her."
Bruce leaned against the door frame, considering that. "So she felt me being mad underneath." Tony nodded. "That's dangerous."
"We'll teach her not to go near you when you're overall mad, not just frustrated with the lab, Bruce."
"Thanks. I don't want to hurt her."
"The last time the Hulk saw her, she was petting a villain. He laughed."
"I remember, but still."
"I'll do what I can, Bruce."
"Thanks, Tony. I really don't want to hurt her."
"Me either. Where is she now?"
"Huffed off like a teenage girl babbling noise at her rabbit, heading for the elevator. I'm hoping she went upstairs. Bucky's been mad all day too."
"Apparently she really likes him." He went to check on Bucky, finding him throwing a fit and her sighing while tapping a foot. "Joy," he ordered.
"You hush," she ordered. Bucky flinched, looking at her. She stared at him, rabbit under her arm. "You better now? Fits happen, Daddy say so."
"You should not be in here," he ordered, glaring at her.
She laughed. "You not scary monster. Daddy hunts those."
He gaped then looked at Tony. "Xander does hunt scary monsters but she's not allowed near them. I hope."
She grinned at him. "Visit Sarah!" She walked over to look up at Bucky. "Better now? We have cookies to be better." She patted his hand with a grin.
He leaned down to get in her face. "No, I'm not better enough yet to do that."
She snorted. "Tough shit." She hauled on his arm. He didn't budge. "C'mon! Or else I tell Andrew! Make you move!" She stared at him.
Tony walked in to pick her up. "That's up to him, not you. Don't upset Bucky."
"I... She was going to have whoever Andrew is make me move?"
"'VIS!" she called. "Andrew need bad boy!"
A virtual screen popped up with Andrew cooking. He looked at her. "Is your dad going to be mad that you're being a little butt today?" he asked dryly.
"Him feels. Him fit. Need to go sit and have milk and cookies."
Andrew smiled at her. "Milk and cookies fix many things but it may not help his bad mood. Big people have bad moods sometimes, dear."
"Not a scary monster!"
"No, he's not a scary monster," Andrew agreed. He looked directly at Bucky. "Anymore."
Bucky nodded. "That's why I stay down here. She's come in the last few nights to make me hug her."
"She's a girl, that's what they do. That and heal injured kittens in the alleys." He stared at him.
"We're pretty sure she's a bit empathic, Andrew," Tony said.
"Again, that's a girlish thing to do." He looked at her. "You're not big enough to force him like the slayers do."
"Slayers help me?" she asked.
"I'm not sending slayers up to help you make him feel better, Joy. That would be mean to the others when they squealed. If you want that sort of help up there, call Sandra. She's in the local house. Xander's sent around pictures so she knows you on sight if something happens."
"I hadn't even thought about that," Tony admitted.
Andrew grinned. "You might introduce her to the other hero sorts so they don't get confused too."
"I can do that later today." He looked at Bucky. "C'mon, we can go have milk and cookies before she calls the local slayers to come pounce you."
She grinned. "Him park feels better?" she asked Bucky then Andrew.
"I'm down here because I could hurt people," he told her.
She snorted and waved a hand. "So can toaster. You not a toaster."
Andrew giggled. "That's very true, yes. He's not a toaster and even toasters can hurt people if they use it wrong. It's up to the toaster using himself right to not hurt people."
"I don't...."
Andrew looked at him. "You don't trust yourself to use the gifts they gave you. I get that. We see it a lot with the younger slayers who're freaked out by having the extras. Usually the first time they break something during a temper tantrum." Bucky winced. "One nearly brought her whole hut down on her mother's head for telling her not to do something she wanted to do. Thankfully Xander could show up to talk to her about it and careful use of her gifts. Super strength can be a bitch when all you want to do is hug someone. We've had a few that've accidentally broken ribs on their siblings or friends after bad things because they just really wanted to hug them."
"I know how to use them."
"You don't trust yourself to use them," Andrew said. "Big difference between can and will."
"I.... I'm not going on field missions."
"Someone's still got to open stuck pickle jars," Andrew said bluntly. "There's many uses for super strength, including all the rebuilding things going on in various cities. Being really strong isn't just for punching people across the room."
"I... I get that," Bucky said.
"Good. Now, missy." He stared at her. "Be a good girl."
"He mad! I fix! Need cookies and milk!"
"I have no idea if we even have cookies," Tony admitted.
He flapped a hand. "You'll have some in about ten minutes." Tony smirked at that. "What? It's saving them from the adopting committee of two mini slayers and the boys who brought home the world's mangiest, shaggiest, nastiest dog ever," he said sarcastically. "So Xander's at the vets with them getting it a new home and picking out a gerbil for a house pet." He waved then cut the call.
She grinned at Bucky. "See, no more fit. All fixed," she cooed, pulling him closer to pat him on the cheek. "Good boy you."
"Yeah, I guess," he said, looking at Stark.
"She's a Stark, we're all weird," he said. "C'mon, you know she'll pout and whine if you don't have milk and cookies with her."
"That's something kids seem to do." He sighed but followed them up there. Joy wiggled free and leapt at him, letting Tony hand her back her rabbit when she accidentally dropped him. Bucky held her so she could coo and pat him. She looked at his arm then at him. "Not shiny like Jesse likes. No shiny booms. Just pretty." She kissed it then his cheek.
He looked at her. "You're weird."
"Good me." She grinned.
Tony shook his head. "I'll tell Pepper," he said quietly.
"Pepper cookies? She cookies us?"
"I'll see if she'd like to have cookies with us," he said, sending that text message then one about what had been happening today. "JARVIS, make sure we have enough cookies please." They got off the elevator and headed for the kitchen, him pulling out the milk to sniff. That gallon was bad so he got the other one. Still bad. "And milk please, JARVIS." He found a pint of milk that wasn't bad and poured her a glass. He and Bucky got coffee. "It's like milk for big people, dear," he said at her scowl. The tin of cookies appeared and she portioned them out. Tony pulled out a few for Pepper too plus put on some water for tea for her. She came off the elevator smiling. "See, Pepper can have cookies with us."
"Hi, Pepper!" she cooed, giving her a hug from Bucky's lap. "Good girl you. Get cookies."
"Cookies are always a welcome thing," she agreed, smiling at her. "We've got to trim your hair. Or do something with it. You need a brush, young lady."
She patted down her hair. "Prettier? Need ribbons?"
"We'll figure that out after cookies." She smiled at Bucky. "She likes you."
"I can tell." He frowned at the back of the baby's head. "She interrupted my moment of anger to tell me I'm not a dangerous toaster."
Pepper giggled, nodding. "You're not."
"Toaster bad. Him not toaster," Joyceline said firmly.
"No, he's not a toaster," Pepper agreed. "Or that dangerous unless he wants to be." Joy smiled at her favorite hugging target, eating her cookies and milk with him.
Steve came off the elevator, getting a few of the cookies and some coffee too. "I heard thanks to a camera," he told Tony. "She's real special."
Tony nodded. "We're pretty sure she's empathic. She told Bruce earlier he didn't have to be mad. Called him a bad name too."
"I heard that from Bruce."
"Him cookies?" she asked.
"When we get more. There's only three left," Tony said. "We'll bring him some cookies on the way back to the lab? The robots miss you."
She grinned. "Nice them." She dug in again, holding up a piece for Bucky to eat. She stared at him when he didn't take the hint. He sighed and ate the piece of cookie, earning a smile and a pat. When she was done with her cookies and milk, and half of one of her father's cookies he was ignoring for too long, the other cookies were there so they packed some up to take to the labs for Bruce. She patted Bucky and kissed him on the cheek. "Be good boy." She and her rabbit carried the cookies off, following her dad. She ran into Bruce's lab and up into his lap, holding up the pile of napkins. "Cookies you? You not get cookies and milk with me."
"I like cookies. Thank you," he said, smiling at her. "You're a good girl."
She grinned. "Maybe." She kissed him on the nose then left him alone to go play with her daddy's robots. They were neat.
Tony shrugged. "She made Bucky come have cookies with her because he's not a toaster and toasters are dangerous," he said quietly.
"She's really...I'm not sure if that's brave or caring."
"Both." He walked off. "Happy cookies, Bruce."
"Thanks, Tony." He settled in to nibble while studying his blood sample. They really had to look at Joyceline's blood soon. There was no telling what HYDRA had done to the embryos.
***
Tony looked up as Xander pushed in a large blue stroller that had three sets of dual seats. The kids fit nicely in them, with plenty of room under the canopy. Nira's babyseat was across the back two seats. There was a place in the second row for Joyceline. She squealed, bouncing up to hug her other father then climbed in to be buckled in. "That's cute."
"I found it online. It fits up to six kids to fifty pounds each," he said with a grin. "They have to climb in but they don't mind and it's got plenty of diaper bag room." He grinned at the kids. "Plus it fits through doorways. It was this or the train one that didn't have a shade canopy."
"That's nice," Tony agreed. He patted all the kids on the head and let Nira drool on him for a second. "She was really good for us. She's almost gotten Bruce to smile a few times because she insists she's curing his bad mood," he said more quietly.
"It may run in my family. I've got an activated seeing gift." Tony gaped. Xander nodded. "Yup, me, visions. After the bad minion popped my eye they activated." He shrugged a bit. "From what I've been able to find, empathy and magic can come from seers, or the other way around. I'm hoping none of them caught my visions since they're brain ripping."
"Nothing to help that?"
"Nope. And I only see apocalypse battles," he said blandly, staring at him. "Which sucks grandly, let me tell you."
"Is that like seizures?"
"I usually get enough warning to pull over," he said. "But I'm not usually found driving anyway unless I'm taking them or the slayers to an appointment. Maybe twice a day right now for some further patrols. I'm still working on getting the big slayers able to drive. They're horrible at it."
"That can be cured."
"They're all focused on the sidewalks to hit any demons with the car," Xander said.
"That's bad," Tony agreed. "I'll see if I can find a teaching manual or something for that. I learned by taking my parents' car out for a drive." He looked at the kids then at him. "What sort of meeting?"
"Watchers. All sorts of assholes who hate that the slayers are independent girls with thoughts of all unbelievable sins. So you may have to come get them while I bail myself out of jail for the fight. Wouldn't be the first one that had happened during one of these meetings. Though Giles will be there this time." He looked down at the kids. "Want to meet Uncle Giles?" They cheered. "Yeah, he'll probably spoil you guys too. He likes to read." That got another cheer. "Let me take the heathens to the hotel." He put back up the canopy. "Have a happy free night, Tony, and thanks."
"Welcome. Let me know what you find out about that. Just in case it causes problems?"
"Yeah, I can do that. I sent you an email with a list of the books we've got about family and bloodline gifts." He strolled the kids out. Pepper paused them to kiss them all on the head and give hugs. "Thanks, Ms. Potts."
"Welcome, Xander. Be good, kids." She stared. "Nira's growing a lot."
"Yes she is, and still doesn't like food." Pepper grinned, walking off to talk to Tony. He got them onto the elevator and down to the front. "The hotel is seven blocks away," he told them. "Count for me, guys. Each corner is one." He pushed them off. At each corner, the kids did count to one. Joyceline realized that there had to be a two somewhere and shouted it out randomly. They'd figure that out soon enough. He pushed the stroller into the hotel, smiling at the man waiting on him. "Jerkins."
"Harris. Yours?"
"Yeah, someone was making future soldiers and decided I'd be a great mom and role model. So they made me five. It had been four but their last ditch effort grew the one between me and Andrew. She's four months old." He grinned.
"Wow. At least the slayers are getting in girl things."
"I pay the slayers who babysit. Though a few have been found to be reading homework to the kids when they're all bored and they can't go outside to play. It helps a lot. Even when Jesse finds hidden weapons to blow up part of the front closet." He pushed the stroller on. "Giles in yet?"
"Just now. He's up on five. We're going to have dinner soon if you have a sitter."
"They can eat with us. They usually do. They're good kids for that." He shot him a look. "Not all of us have nannies."
"Perhaps you should for when there's going to be a huge battle."
"Perhaps, but I've also arranged for one of the younger members of the coven to be paid to watch them during those if the three that have other parents aren't with them." They got on the elevator together. The guy tried to hit Xander in a backhanded blow but Xander stabbed him a bit, making him scream. Xander hefted the guy over his shoulder and pushed the stroller one-handed to Giles' room.
He knocked, getting let in. "Giles, he tried to hit me in the elevator. Apparently he thought I was preoccupied by the dirty diapers I have to change." He dropped the guy, pulling out the diaper bag. "C'mon, Nira. Let's start with you because it'll take the longest. Anyone else who needs changed line up next to the bathroom." He went in there to change her first. She was always more messy these days.
"That formula does not agree with you, daughter. We'll find you a better one." He finished up, putting her on the bath mat to let the other kids in so they could be changed. By the time they came out, Giles was glaring at the one he had shallowly stabbed and the other five watchers in the room were still looking horrified. "Guys, this is Uncle Giles. He lives with Auntie Buffy and he's the guy who pays me so I can buy candy and toys." They all squealed, running over to mob him and show off their stuffed friends.
Giles smiled at them. "It's a wonderful thing to meet you four, children." He hugged each one. "You're such good kids." They grinned and shook their heads.
"Candy?" Joyceline asked, holding up her rabbit and giving him the same pouty look.
"Oh, my, you're better at that than Dawn is," he said, smiling at her. "I don't have any here, precious. We'll get some later." She pouted for real. He gave her an extra hug then the others. Jesse wandered off. "He is certainly your son, Xander."
"Yup. Son, give me the shiny you found please," he said, holding out a hand. Jesse pouted, letting him see it. "Yeah, that's a bad shiny. Back into the carriage so we can take Uncle Giles to get you guys candy for being so good on the flight up." They climbed in and the other watchers helped Giles gather a few things so they could go. Xander called the desk. "Hi, I'm in 528. My son just found an explosive device on the bed. Giles, take the kids please, and please pat down Jesse and Arlin. They both like shiny things. So does Joy."
He listened to her splutter. "Thanks." He handed over Nira's carrier, letting Giles hitch it to the last row of seats. Then they left together. "Yeah, I'm staying until someone gets here. Well, I've got this one disarmed," he said, doing just that. "But I think we should check the rest of the room, ma'am. Please. Thank you. Door's open."
He propped it open, looking at things. When an officer stomped off the elevator he waved a hand. "Hi, Xander Harris, former head watcher in Africa and now head of the house on the Cleveland hellmouth. One of my sons found this under the bed," he said, holding it up. "I've already disarmed it."
"That's fine, sir. Do we know who this room belonged to?"
"Our head guy. Rupert Giles."
"Oh, dear."
"Oh, yeah. Not sure who or why they had the great idea," he said sarcastically. "But if I find them first I'll hand you their begging bodies." He handed the guy in the padding the bomb. "It was under the bed. My son's drawn to shiny things, especially weapons."
"Who're you?"
"Xander Harris. Former head watcher in Africa and now head of the house on the Cleveland hellmouth."
"So you know weapons," the officer decided.
Xander grinned and nodded. "Yes, I kinda do. Thankfully Giles took my kids with him when they evacuated."
"That's sensible." He came in to look. "The diapers?"
"My kids'. They all needed changed." The guy looked at him. "HYDRA made me five." He grinned. "Two are girls and one's five months old. The others are all about two."
"You poor man," another officer said, shuddering. "I have twins and they're horrible."
Xander grinned and nodded. "Yes, they are, but they take well to bribes." The officer laughed, but nodded that was true of his too. A higher officer stomped up. "Hi."
"Aren't you under arrest?"
"For my son finding the bomb in my boss's room and me disarming it?" he asked. "Why would I be under arrest for that?"
The officer blinked. "You disarmed it?"
"I'm the former head watcher in Africa, sir."
"Oh. So you've probably seen a few."
"Quite a few. That one was pretty simple. I found the manual for that one in a former lover's study and looked it over."
"Great." He looked at the things they were finding. "This bit of trash?"
"It was empty before I changed the kids," Xander said. "They're just newly in there. I came out from changing and found Jesse exploring."
"Fine." He looked things over then at his bomb tech, who had found two more. "Timers?"
"Remote," he said.
Xander looked. "That's got a follow switch. So you set off one, it'll set off that one, but the one I disarmed didn't have that."
"How well do you know bombs?" the guy disarming them asked.
"I've dated three arms dealers and I learned a bit from them. I learned a bit from the regional militaries when we had to take down something down there, and I learned a bit online for necessary reasons. I probably have about a third of the knowledge you have."
"That makes sense with your job. Where is the guy renting this room?"
"He took my kids to get the candy they begged him for." He grinned. "They're such begging mooches."
"That's another word for toddler," the officer with twins said. "Mine are four now. Thankfully we survived those years."
Xander grinned. "The slayers consider them mascots mostly."
"I can see why." They checked the other rooms that had watchers checked in. Xander's had one under the bed that would've hit the kids since that one was set up for the kids to sleep on. He was set up to sleep on the other bed. The officers looked at Xander, who was grinning. "I so would've gotten up off the ER table and went hunting," he assured them. "I'd have made a *huge* mess. Hell, I might've stolen another mystical artifact to help me."
"Good to know," the head guy agreed. "We'd probably do the same thing with our families." They finished up and left.
Xander called someone. "Where are my kids?" he asked. "News to share too, Giles. You mean like the only other ones they found was under the kid's bed?" He grinned. "Yeah, you do that. Where are you? Oh, with Misty. That's fine. I'll be there in about twenty if I can find a cab." He walked off, letting the doorman find him a cab quickly. By the time he got there, there were officers there to arrest a few of the watchers. Xander stopped one to stare at him. "If you had actually hurt my kids, I would have destroyed *everyone*. I would've went so far beyond what Rosenburg did, I would've been the new First Evil," he said quietly, staring him down. "You may hate me but if you come after my kids I'll destroy *everything* you hold dear."
"They're unnatural!"
"I know how they came into being. I know why HYDRA wanted to use me as a role model. I'll be damned if you hurt my kids." He stared at him. "Like I said, total destruction will be *pleasant* next to what I'll do to you and yours and then everyone. Got it?" The guy shrank away from him, nodding as he was led off. Xander walked up the front porch stairs, grinning at the young slayer. "Assholes put a bomb on the kids' bed," he told her and her mother. "I'm about to go blow up their fancy castles and all that then start on their lives."
"I've told Willow," Giles said, clearing his throat. "She was most peeved."
Xander laughed. "Good." He hugged his kids, then looked at Giles. "Three in your room, one in mine."
"Well, we knew they didn't like the way things had changed," Giles complained, cleaning his glasses. "Are you all right?"
"Temper's a bit high," he admitted. "But otherwise, we're okay right now."
"Good. It's best to be a bit calmer so you can plot."
Xander gave him a look. "You told me to quit plotting and asking my former dates for ideas."
"Yes I did. You can plot without them."
Xander laughed. "Sure. You know they usually trim my plans back, right?" He grinned at the young slayer. "It's all right. It'll be fine. Buffy's promised to slay any watcher that goes back to that old way of thinking about you girls. She's got a few poker debts who can do that too."
"I've heard about kitten poker," she said.
Xander smiled and nodded. "Some *great* beings in the poker circuit. Mostly very peaceful. Some.... well, I found Dracula's last spawn last week. He wanted to know how Buffy was doing." He shrugged. Giles stared at him. "We were breaking on patrol to find out about a new site where we'd heard that vamps were gathering. He was looking for Spike."
"Do stop now, Xander. Thank you." Xander grinned. "I'll feed your children sugar so you have to miss dinner."
"They're not sugar reactive." He beamed at the mom. "Andrew tried that with cookies. Seven batches of cookies later it just make them calmer."
"I wish it would've on mine," she said. She looked at her daughter, who grinned angelically back at her.
"Has Andrew only been making cookies?" Giles asked. "The girls have complained that dinner has been skimpy."
"Andrew put his foot down about the fifths on meat and no veggies. We've had a few days that have been vegetarian to beat that problem. They haven't needed the meat for injuries. They've been pigging out again. I suggested they also start doing chores and they've complained a lot. I pointed out they were normal girls with a bad calling so they could do normal girl things. The girls in Africa still helped harvest and clean, all those tasks they expect women to do. Plus those on patrol did that too. We've at least let the ones on patrol not have chores those days outside of their own laundry with Andrew's help or cleaning their own rooms."
"I agree, that's a reasonable thing for young women to have to do. Some day they'll be living on their own so they'll need those skills," Giles agreed. "Are they learning how to cook?"
"One of the chores is rotating in and out as kitchen helper." He grinned. "We had a 'fuck that' talk with one of the minis that decided she was too special to help make her own food because she's a slayer. She hated having to go prune the bushes out back." He grinned. "She learned *real* fast that a slayer is just a girl with a calling. Super strength means she can water all the bushes and flowers out back by herself for a week."
Giles smiled and nodded. "She complained and Buffy told her she was spoiled. So did most of the other girls from what Buffy reported."
"I love the bulletin board and website for the girls. It's really handy."
"It has been." He smiled at the young slayer. "You thankfully got to be raised by a mother with sense and compassion."
"Butt, daddy," Arlin whined.
"Sure, I'll change you." He picked him up and the diaper bag. "Bathroom?" She pointed it out to him. "Thanks. C'mon, we'll clean the butt, son." He carried him in there. Joy followed to get her own changing in. "Anyone else?"
"Nira's making that special face," the slayer said.
"I'll get her in a second. The formulas we've tried do not agree with her lower tummy. It's not a milk allergy though." He got the older two cleaned then came out to do Nira's. "Oooh, really bad butt this time." He carefully carried her in there to clean her up before her diaper exploded the holding capacity.
***
Andrew called during the meeting. "What's up, Andrew?" he asked, putting it on speaker. "We're taking a bitching breaking for the moment." Giles scowled at him but he shrugged back.
"There is a social worker here about the kids," Andrew said.
"That's great. I'm surprised it took this long for some of the same assholes that tried to bomb Giles and me earlier to do that," Xander said, leaning back in his chair. "Put her on speaker."
"Mr. Harris, I expected you to be here," a snotty female voice said.
"Yes, but we're holding a Watchers Council meeting in New York so I'm not," he said dryly. "I won't be home for three days. I wasn't aware I had to tell people I didn't know gave a damn about anything in my life that I was going out of town." She huffed. "Frankly, the same ones who called you are probably like the ones that tried to put a bomb under the kids' bed earlier. What can I do for you this evening beyond that?"
"You don't have to be hostile."
"I do because you started off being snotty to me," he said bluntly. "I'm very polite if you're polite to me. As you weren't...." He smirked at his phone. "Beyond that, I'll ask again. Why are you in the slayer house this evening?"
"You've made some statements about how your children came to be."
"Yes I have. Because they tried it a second time, that's why I have *two* daughters instead of one. Thankfully we were able to rescue her and her making-mates when they captured us for a few hours."
"How can we be sure they're yours?" she sneered.
"DNA," he said bluntly. "I had it run through the US embassy when I had to file for their passports and birth certificates." She gasped. "They took my DNA from back before my senior year, before I got some warping to it. The *agents* who I had to come to get all the embryos that the group that told me about the kids helped do the DNA work for the embassy and on all the other born children so they could find appropriate parents for them. The US embassy had it run in their labs just to make sure it was done properly. We had Nira tested when we rescued her." He stared at his phone. "We have full copies of everything, including the judicial paperwork for their passports and birth certificates. HYDRA wasn't really interested in noting their births properly. They didn't even name them in their records. Which we also have full copies of."
"I will be seeing those," she ordered.
"Sure, when you get a court order," Xander said. "Because I can't be sure you're not HYDRA." She gasped and huffed angrily. "Unfortunately that is a concern, especially since the social worker the Council works with usually took copies for DHHR to put into their systems for us. I'd figure if you were *really* a social worker you would've seen those when you looked me up." He stared at the phone. "Is there anything else, miss?"
"Xander, do calm down," Giles ordered.
"No. I'm not going to calm down when there's a threat to my children, Giles. Not when they tried to plant a bomb under their bed earlier and not with this, whoever she is. I fully intend to make sure *nothing* harmful comes near my children, Giles. You know me. You know I'm overprotective. You know I know how to find artillery." He grinned. The woman started to babble.
"Xander, she's going to call the cops," Andrew said.
"Good, they can arrest her for pretending to be a social worker since all that stuff is in their system," Xander shot back. "If it's the three HYDRA agents hiding in the local police, they can bite me."
"Sure, I can tell them that," Andrew said. "They'll get you when you get home."
Xander laughed. "Get me home then. We'll see if she's a real social worker."
"Bad idea," Andrew quipped. "Really bad idea." Nira let out a scream. "Oh, crap. Formula tummy ache?"
"Yeah, apparently." He picked her up. "Hey!" She sniffled. "Thank you. We'll figure it out. We're working on it. Calm down. Fart a bit, you'll feel better." She did fart and belch, ending the tummy ache. "Thanks." He sat down again. "Okay, we're better now. Is she still there, Andrew?"
"No, and two of the officers that showed up looked at the third about the HYDRA accusation. She's ranting a lot at a supervisor of some sort."
"Who is actually a half-demon and the social worker we usually work with," Xander said dryly.
"Good point." He clearly walked off, the background sounds changed. "Guys, Xander just pointed out we work with one of the local supervisors over the slayers who are in the system. Also that he had all that information she demanded put into the DHHR system. So clearly she didn't look at anything before she showed up to sneer at Xander if she is a social worker."
"She has a courthouse badge," one of the officers said faintly. "Not a social worker one, Wells."
"Thanks. Xander's paranoid about the kids. Someone in New York tried to bomb the kids and our head guy earlier at the hotel. He's promised if she's HYDRA he'll show up with weapons. Can you maybe remove her for impersonating a social worker? We'd like Xander to be more calm."
"Can he do that?" another voice demanded.
"Yes, I can," Xander said. "Who do you think gets it for the girls before battles? Or in Africa when I had to defeat two troupes of HYDRA agents I might add."
"Don't remind me. I saw that report. It made me wanna puke, Xander," Andrew complained.
"That was before I got the kids. We only figured out they were HYDRA later," Xander said, getting comfy. Nira sniffled. Xander looked at her. "Want some water?" He helped her sip from the glass next to him. She fussed some and farted again. "I know, the formula does not agree with you. We're trying all sorts of them."
"Why not a wet nurse?" one of the other watchers demanded.
Xander looked at him. "Do I look like some overly-monied douchebag who throws bucks at everyone to prove my worth?" Giles cracked and started to laugh. "Guys like me, we don't do wet nurses. We use formula when there's not a mom to nurse them. Wet nurses is a very ancient practice that you don't find too much anymore in the real world." He looked at her then at him. "We know it's not a milk allergy. She does the same thing with soy milk. We think it's one of the general preservatives but she's too young to feed regular milk."
"Her doctor?" Giles asked.
"Said to try different formulas until one worked," Andrew said. "He said she'd grow out of it too. Frankly I've taken her to a quick care place and they tried to tell me it was a milk allergy. We tested it."
"Goats milk?" that same watcher asked.
"We can't find it in Cleveland," Xander said. "Yeah, when we can find it but I'm about to buy a goat and milk it for her. There's not enough yuppies in Cleveland to get a constant supply. If we were still in Africa it'd be a lot easier. Cleveland also doesn't have too much in the way of the adults who want to be infants so they baby-play. Sometimes you can buy breast milk that way but there's none down there."
"What were they feeding her?" Giles asked.
"A soy formula with vitamin drops and some chemicals added. We ran a test on it and it was to body build muscle and brain mass. I've heard the other two went into withdrawal over that stuff in their formula."
"I've talked to the other parents of those two she was made with," Andrew said. "Those two don't have the same sort of stomach trouble after they came down from it. The formula they went to made her bleed rectally when she got stopped up so we can't use that. Oh, Xander, zoning laws say we can't have a goat. I asked, even citing the baby's stomach problems. We can have chickens but not a goat."
"Damn."
"They consider them livestock but chickens are just useful."
"If we got a few, I wouldn't care," Xander said. "I helped get eggs and make chicken before."
"Some of the girls from the US would be horrified," Giles said. "Or I might agree with the way the girls eat."
"I'd have to find out how to make fresh chickens you have to pluck," Andrew said. "I'm not sure if that would fall under butchering or not."
"You catch them after a long battle catching them and then break their necks," Xander said. "I had to do a few chickens that way in some of the villages in Africa. Pigs are worse. They're faster and smarter than birds."
"We should start a farm," one of the other watchers sneered.
Xander grinned. "It's not a bad idea. Each of the slayers eats more than I do, like five or six times what I do."
"You are looking a bit thin," Giles said.
"Yes, but I have to deal with mooching slayers," Xander quipped back. "The only ones they don't take food from is the kids."
"One of the toddler minis did take one of the bottles in the fridge saying it had to be like milk since we were out," Andrew said. "She wasn't happy with the taste."
"Isn't Nira about old enough to start solids?" Giles asked.
"Yes, but she should still get milk with it," Xander said. "I asked. Baby oatmeal does the same thing to her stomach. We might have to go native with her diet for a bit. Which would really mean I'd have to buy a goat, a cow, or a mare."
"While Ghengis Khan's people did survive on mare's milk, I believe cow or goat would be better for her," Giles said.
"If I could find it." He looked down at the napping baby. "I've got to look for some before we go back and have it shipped."
"There's some native markets a few blocks from you," Andrew said. "A few are online."
"I wonder if we can order goats milk that way," Xander said. "Or native grains."
"We can see," Andrew said.
"Too bad I didn't take that guy up on his offer to buy my slayer as his wife. He offered a few goats and some chickens," Xander quipped.
"That's a horrible custom, Xander," Giles said, staring at him. Xander grinned back. "Andrew, has that situation been solved?"
"Yeah, the local shift supervisor is here. He's yelled at the two HYDRA guys, he's arrested the fake social worker, and he heard about the goat so he's laughing. He said the kids are fine when they get back."
"Thanks," Xander said. "Have a great night."
"You too, and let her sleep."
"She is on my shoulder."
"Even better." He hung up.
"Three days?" Giles asked.
"I'm going to pop in on Candace on the way home."
"That's a good idea. Some of her recent reports haven't been that stunning."
"I don't know why. When we asked she said everything was fine," Xander said.
"She's of Kennedy's thinking," Giles said, giving him a pointed look.
"Ah, that thing. Sure. I've denied Kennedy's request to come to the Cleveland house and sent a nice note that I was in charge of the house and I'd hate to beat her shitty attitude out of her."
"She's gotten better," Giles said.
Xander looked at him. "Not really. I've been on the bulletin board, Giles."
"All right then. We'll talk to Kennedy soon." He made himself that note. Nira woke up screaming in pain. "I can watch the others."
"Thanks." He looked back. "Jesse, I'm taking Nira to a tummy doctor. Be good for Uncle Giles." He nodded, putting his head back down. Xander picked up the diaper bag and his wallet and keys, which the kids had confiscated. "I'll be back by the morning." He carried her off, taking her to the local ER. It was crowded but oh well. The nurse at the check-in desk smiled at him. "For some reason her stomach hates all formulas. No matter what it's made of. We've had her tested and she doesn't have a lactose allergy. Tonight's trial is a sensitive tummy formula. This is her second time of gas pains making her scream."
"Is it colic?"
"Happens a few hours after she eats."
"All right. Does she do it with regular milk?"
"No. Not goat, not regular, not skim, soy, or almond milks, just formulas and baby oatmeals. But she's too young to drink just that."
"We'll get you in, it'll be a while. Do you have insurance?" He pulled out his cards for her. "Thank you." She logged him in and gave her a bracelet. She chose to puke on it. "Oh, dear."
"Yeah, been an hour and a half since she ate," Xander said, cleaning up the mess with the paper towels the nurse gave him. "The docs in Cleveland have not a *clue* what's wrong with her tummy."
"That's fine. We have some great pediatricians up here, sir." He nodded, going to sit in the waiting area. She made a note on the chart about all that.
Xander smiled when they were finally brought back to an exam area. "Her records," he said, handing over his phone. "I keep a copy of all my kids since we have to travel now and then."
"For work?"
"Yeah, I'm the head of the Cleveland slayer house." He grinned. "Formerly the head guy in Africa."
"Oh, that's sweet. Was she over there?"
"No."
"Okay." She checked Nira over, waking her up to fuss about it. "She's sleeping well."
"We know it's not colic. We know it's related to something in every single formula we've tried. We've tried soy, we've tried sensitive, which was tonight's trial, we've tried regular, we've tried lactose free, we've tried everything. She's not got a milk allergy, her doc tested."
"Could she have celiac?" she asked. "I don't know how many formulas have wheat."
"I don't know," Xander admitted. "I know we had one that constipated her up so much she ended up bleeding rectally when the doctor had to give her meds to get it out." The nurse winced. "I have tried even the overseas versions of formulas. She doesn't react to any milk or milk substitute outside formula, and baby cereal. We've tried some baby oatmeal and it did the same thing even though we mixed it with regular milk."
"Then I'd say it's an allergy to some preservative or possibly celiac or a wheat sensitivity. I can get the pediatrician in, Mr. Harris. She's a darling girl."
"She is. She's a great, cuddly thing." He smiled. "She just needs more nutrients. I'm worried about that."
"It's something most parents worry about." She went to brief the doctor. "We have copies of his daughter's medical records. It's listed every single formula he's tried and their country of origin. It was clearly a written list that was scanned in. Her formula tonight was a sensitive stomach one he said."
He came in to look over the records. "You have other kids?"
"Four." He grinned. "All around the same age."
"Oh, you're him. We've seen you on tv."
Xander nodded. "She was made by the same idiots in their second round." He shrugged. "She did okay when she came off the enhanced formula they were giving her but the records we found said she had the same stomach problems. They were giving her that stuff to enhance her in regular milk. I'd buy a goat but the city won't let me."
"I can see why." He took Nira to look over, nodding. "She seems healthy except for her stomach being a bit hard."
"I figure she's probably getting constipated again." He grinned at her when she pouted at him. "You're getting the icky medicine when we get home to make sure you crap tomorrow." He looked at the doctor, shrugging. "She has the same problem with the baby oatmeal we've tried. I'm going to try to get some native grains to boil down and all that."
"That would be good for her anyway." He listened to her stomach. "She is constipated." Xander sighed, finding the medicine in the diaper bag. "She has a prescribed one?"
"Yeah, we got this when the one made her so bad she bled." He gave her a dose, making her fuss. "Sorry!" He shrugged. "It stopped up your belly. You need that clear to crap all day tomorrow. You were clear enough earlier because you nearly overwhelmed a diaper."
The doctor smiled. "Some kids do. Looser?" Xander shook his head. "What did she eat last night?"
"Mushed up mac n'cheese because we were at a diner and they were out of milk." He winced a bit. "She really liked it."
"I'm sure she did. Most kids do." The nurse smiled, tickling Nira to make her smile. Instead she got scowled at. "She's a good girl."
"She tries really hard. I just have no idea how to solve this. It's mostly gas. She'll fart a few times and it'll ease. I don't know how to ease it beforehand though. We've even tried baby gas x drops. Didn't help and she hated those."
"It does sound like you've done most everything we could think of. Can we test her for a wheat allergy?"
"Yes, please. Just...find me something or a reason or an idea. I'm out. She's too young to be on regular milk."
"She is," the doctor agreed. "Once a day is okay. A half-bottle of water now and then but she should mostly be on formula or breast milk."
"Does she have problems with other liquids with preservatives?" the nurse asked. "Have you tried soda?"
"Bottled tea and lemonade at the zoo once. No problem with them, or the hotdog her brother let her suck the end of. She didn't mind the mustard he wanted, but he hated it. Nothing else but formula and baby food. Should I start her on the regular food the bigger kids eat? They'll eat most anything. Except squash or lo mein."
"Do you give them a tiny bit to test first?" the nurse asked.
"No, we have a dinner policy that said 'eat it or the slayers will eat it on you and you'll starve'." Xander smiled. "The slayers are plate thieves. That's why I've lost weight too." The nurse giggled. "Slayers need to eat about five or six thousand calories a day. Even when we give them that much they still mooch. Andrew said one of the toddler minis stole one of her bottles because we were out of milk." The nurse was laughing. The doctor was smiling. Nira was scowling at everyone. "Is there anything we can feed her?"
"Can you go to normal oatmeal?" the nurse asked.
The doctor nodded. "We need to make sure it's without excess sugar and it's the better consistency. I'd use the stuff you have to boil. Is she on vitamins?" Xander pulled those two bottles out to show him. "They're good, strong choices." He considered her. "Let me do the blood test for celiac. Just in case." Xander nodded, letting him draw the blood. Xander gently pushed on her stomach when she started to cry, which moved the lump, made her fart, and then she laid the diaper finally. "That stool softener is very handy."
"Yes it is," Xander agreed. "Because she's still probably blocked up." He changed her and tossed out the old one after the doctor had looked at it.
"We'll figure it out," the nurse said, patting him on the arm. "Just let her rest for a few minutes."
"In here?"
"Yes, stay in here." She left with the doctor. "He seems very nice," she said.
"He does," he agreed, sending the blood off. She made notes in the chart.
***
Xander walked into Giles' room just after dawn the next morning. "She doesn't have celiac or any wheat sensitivity but she is allergic to a preservative. There are no formulas without it." Giles winced but nodded. "So she's on as close to natural milk as we can and mostly solids plus her vitamins."
"Goats milk," he said.
"If and when we can find it. Unpasteurized cow if we can't."
"You can find that?"
"Sometimes. There's a few farms outside the city where we can buy it." Giles nodded. "But we can make her all the oatmeal she wants. Pureed veggies, all that."
"That's fine. At least it's nothing fatal."
"No, but we'll have to watch out for that. It's in some meds according to the baby doc at the ER. He sent a note to her pharmacy at home about that." Giles nodded. "Were they good?"
"Mostly." He pointed at the bed he had tried to sleep in. "I got run out around three when they decided they wanted to cuddle."
Xander looked at his kids then at Giles. "They pushed you out?" he asked with a grin.
"They're bed hogs and I would have rolled over on them."
"They'll let you know if you do. They bite." Giles laughed. "Okay, let me get them back to our room so we can clean up and do the daily shopping. Do we have more meetings?"
"No. Not in the least."
"Then we'll head back once we find some native foods for her. Thank you." He gave him a short hug then went to open his door so he could carry the kids over there.
Giles looked out at the pounding feet noise, going to see what had happened. "Xander?" he called.
Xander looked out of his room, shaking his head. "Gas canister in the toilet tank. Went off when I flushed. I'm going to brutally kill whoever keeps doing this around my kids," he said blandly.
Giles nodded. "I dare say you'll have a lot of help, Xander. Are the children fine?"
"They giggled and made fart noises," one of the officers said.
"They're two," Xander said. A few of the officers smiled. "Please let me know who the idiot is. I have to get them bathed for the day."
"You're braver than I am to be traveling by yourself with five kids," one of them said. They searched the room, finding another canister. That got taken off for fingerprints and testing. The kids clapped and one tried to get the 'shiny boom' but they were firm in him not having it. The officers left, letting the kids cheer for their good work. It was sweet of the kids.
Giles sent a note to the other watchers. A few were amused but only until the police got there to arrest their coworker. Then they got to be horrified at what they found in the guy's room. Including things to draw blood or spinal fluid from infants.
***
Xander drove into the driveway at the Council, stopping the car and getting out, looking at the officer following him. "Problems, Officer?"
"Mr. Harris?"
Xander nodded. "You already knew that though."
"Sir, you threatened a social worker."
"She wasn't a social worker. They checked her ID and she was with the courts, but not a social worker."
The officer stared at him. "Two officers got arrested."
"Yeah, HYDRA guys all need to go away. Far, far away from the slayers. I pointed out that there were three that we knew were HYDRA locally in the PD and their shift supervisor found out I was right about two of the ones that the not-a-social-worker brought with her."
"Oh. I see. Are you with the Council?"
"I'm the head of the local house."
"We were told that new guy was."
"What new guy? Andrew?" he called. Andrew leaned out. "What new guy?"
"One of the old liners is in the library but I checked with Giles. He's not part of this house. He runs the one in Germany."
"Oh, him. Okay." Xander looked at the officer, smiling some. "I'm still the head as of when I heard on Saturday. Otherwise we'd be back in Africa."
The officer nodded. "Why?"
"I was the head watcher in Africa for a few years."
"Oh." He looked in the back then at him. "Five?"
"They made the baby during their last run." He grinned. "There's a whole lot of embryos with my name on them and if HYDRA makes me more, I'm going to ask someone to make them pay me child support since I didn't ask them to make me kids. They're good kids though. I really do like my kids."
"Harris, what are you doing here?" a male voice complained. "Giles sent you somewhere else."
"I saw Giles on Saturday and he didn't say that. I can call if you want." He called Giles. "It's me. You're going on speaker." He did that. "The guy from Germany's here? Said I'm not posted here?"
"No, Xander, you are posted in Cleveland until I come back to take over the lead house," Giles said firmly. "Whoever or whichever that watcher is, he should probably head home."
"You're not Rupert," the man said.
"Oh, Denier. Xander, he is not a watcher. He was fired for mistreating the girls." Denier lunged at Xander but Andrew got him in the back with a crossbow bolt. "Was that you?" he asked at the screaming.
"Andrew. Thanks, 'Drew."
"Welcome. He's threatening my daughter too." He grinned at the officer. "Nira is both of ours. HYDRA really wanted a new head geek."
"That's just weird."
"Yeah, but I'm the best mom they have," Xander said dryly. The officer cracked up, calling in for someone to come gather that idiot. "Is he the only one?"
"Yup," Andrew said. "He also said the girls didn't need that much food tonight. His slayers weren't grossly gluttons as he put it."
"His slayers are probably underweight," Xander said. He looked at the officer. "Also, the NYPD had to remove explosive devices from mine and Giles' rooms at the hotel and then a set of gas canisters from my second room at the hotel."
The officer nodded. "Are they affiliated with HYDRA, sir?"
"No, they hate us for making things work for the girls. It used to be a lot more nasty for the girls, they were treated like slaves who fought. Now they're girls who make decisions about their lives and patrol. They hate that. They've had a price on my head since I was sixteen because I stepped in to help a slayer instead of making her do it on her own."
"That sucks," the officer said. Xander nodded. The officer pulled a gun. "But that's why I'm here. You'll do great in jail, Harris."
Xander grinned. "Hey, puppy!" The dogs ran around the house to bark at him. The officer shot at them but they weren't tangible until they bit him. By the time the ambulance got there for the first guy they were there in time to save the officer's life. Xander handed over the security system's tape to the shift supervisor that showed up.
"We got a call saying the officer was holding a gun on you, Harris."
"Yeah, he wanted the price the former Watchers had on me." He pointed at the watcher being loaded into the ambulance. "I called the dogs from the garden to protect the kids."
The guy looked in the car then at him. "Five?"
"Yeah. Nira got made in the last grouping." He shrugged. "He also noted the fake social worker."
"Great."
"Is he an officer?" Andrew asked.
The guy took a picture to send to someone. "No, he's not. He's a hitman." He smiled. Xander grinned, heading inside with the kids. The officer looked around. "Clean up his mess." They did that and he left, going to tell the mayor. It was nice so many bad guys were being caught by the Council. And the kids were cute too.
***
Xander met with the pediatrician a few weeks later. Nira was in for shots with the older four. "We ended up in the ER in New York." The doctor grimaced. "Here, the notes from up there." He let the doctor see it.
"That's not a bad idea. She's old enough to eat solids." He handed the phone back, looking Nira over. "How is she doing with that?"
"All the oatmeal stuff still gives her gas but not as much. She does like eggs. Andrew's gotten great at making quichey things with ground up veggies. She *loathes* baby food. Hates the texture. If we add something to make it thicker she's okay. If we leave it a bit softly chunky for the stuff we puree she likes it. She hates the slimy pureed stuff though."
"Some kids do," the doctor agreed. "Quiche?"
"It's an egg custard that's not sweetened. Some veggies made down to smoothie levels to add flavor, some really soft stuff like mushrooms and onions cooked down before being put in go well most of the time. She does belch at onions."
"I'd figure most kids would. I see a few children who eat off their parent's plates for their native foods. It doesn't seem to be hurting her. She's gained five pounds since the last time I saw her."
Xander nodded. "We're hoping it's not going to make her gain too much too fast."
"It shouldn't. Is she crawling?"
"Trying to stand but not really crawling. We're debating about a walker since she wanted to look in closets. We figure it'd keep her safer when she does start to wander."
"It can. It can also harm her walking pattern a bit. She's a bit young for that."
Xander put Nira on the floor, looking down at her. She huffed and pulled herself toward the doctor's leg by grabbing it. Then she sat on his foot and pouted. "You can crawl if you want. He said so."
The doctor smiled down at her. "Some children do go right to walking." He picked her up to put her on the bed again. He noticed the pouty look above the rabbit face. "She's fine, Joyceline."
"She needs candy too."
"No, she doesn't," Xander said. "She's too young for candy."
"Fine."
"Thank you." He grinned at the doctor. "She's learned to have her rabbit help her beg," he said quietly.
"I can see that." He smiled, making notes. "Are you on milk with Nira?" Xander nodded. "That's reasonable. Try to keep up with the vitamins."
"We mix it into things for her."
"If you cook it, it might not be as effective."
"We'll try to make it afterward."
"Thank you." He pulled one kid over, noticing what he was holding. "What's that? I don't recognize that animal." It looked a little bit like a pure white tree with a face.
"Oh, that. That's a bone cell. He's got a booboo on his arm, upper, just above the elbow. There's no bruise but anytime he touches it he sniffles." The doctor looked at him. "That way they can tell me how they hurt. We have the kiddy things and a few others. Things like ear aches, tummy aches, that stuff."
"That's very unique," the doctor said but he was smiling. "I can understand that. Where did you get them?"
"Giant microbes." He grinned. "They have all sorts but I didn't think they needed the plague one."
"No, hopefully they'll never need it." He smiled, checking that area. "This area hurts, Jesse?" He nodded, pointing at his other arm. He checked them both, seeing the sniffling. "It looks like he may have cracked it good but it didn't bruise. How long ago did it start?"
"Two days. There's another one." He pointed at Joyceline.
"I'll get to her giant ouchie in a minute." He went back to checking Jesse. "He looks all right. We'll watch that elbow. Have you tried ice or heat?"
"Both and baby tylenol. It's gotten somewhat better."
"I can send him for an x-ray if you think he'll sit still."
"I might," Xander said. "Jesse, can we take pictures of your elbow?"
"Me?" he asked, holding up his bone cell microbe.
"Yeah, to look at that." He pushed down his hair again. "You needed a brush this morning."
"Oops."
Xander smiled. "He can probably sit still as long as he has his pet. Oh, the tiger is a grr at each other when they're annoyed at each other thing," he said quietly, turning away.
"That's good to know." He smiled at Joyceline. "Let's see. I see a large brown thing that looks like a pill with black eyes and tan fringe."
"Tummy," she said.
"Oh, that's a tummy ache? That's really cute. I need one of those here so the kids can point at them." He patted her on the head. "Did you eat something nasty?" She shook her head.
"She woke up with it this morning. I figured it was either the flu or just a kiddy tummy."
"Probably just that. We'll pay attention to it if it doesn't end in a few days." Xander nodded. "Make note of foods if it does continue."
"We are. It could've been the fact that I found her in the fridge with the habanero peppers open. Andrew mentioned them being a lot smaller than he had expected."
The doctor winced. "That could be, yes. How long ago was that?"
"Two days. I figured that might've been why she drank all day yesterday."
"Probably. We'll keep track of it." Xander nodded. "Any other giant microbes?" Xander shook his head. "All right, let's see you, Arlin." He grinned, holding up his tiger.
"He's a good doctor and you know him, Arlin," Xander said. "Let him check you over. The tiger doesn't need to protect you." The tiger got put down and Arlin let Henry steal it while the doctor checked his ears and nose. Then tickled him, making him giggle but swat at him. He grinned back, moving to Henry. Henry would let him do anything he wanted as long as he got to cuddle the tiger.
"That's a very powerful tiger, Henry. It's very nice to protect you."
Henry smiled, patting him back. "I not good boy."
"Why aren't you a good boy?" He pointed.
Xander sighed. "I'll change you in a second. Let's get the appointment over with and then I'll change you guys." They nodded, letting the doctor finish up. When the tray with shots came in, the kids all tried to hide behind Nira. She had to get some first and Xander held her. He held each one of them while they got shots. Even if the tiger did growl at everyone for the shots. Xander shook the doctor's hand and left with the kids, pausing to change them in the bathroom. He had to pull Joyceline from helping someone else in the potty but she was a curious little girl. The guy had laughed at the rabbit peeking under the door at him. "Sorry," Xander said. "She got away from me."
"It happens and she's adorable. She's not peeking."
"We'll have to tell everyone how good you guys did today," Xander said, finishing up the rest of the diaper changing. Then they went to the car to go home. He handed Andrew Nira and carried in the stroller. The kids wandered toward the tv room. "They all had to get shots. Watch their diets. Nira's gained five pounds. Jesse has x-ray orders for his arm just in case. Keep certain little beings from the hot peppers." Andrew smiled into Nira's head as he walked off. "He thinks she's a bit young for a walker."
"She may be. We'll figure it out," Andrew assured him. The kids followed Andrew into the kitchen for a single cookie, earning pouts, but he let them go run in the backyard. They needed to run and play with the younger slayers. Xander sighed in pleasure as he sat down to put his feet up. He sent messages to both Daddy Tonys. That way they kept track of baby things too.
Then the bad sound happened outside so Xander got to be tired later while Andrew guarded the kids.
***
In DC a few hours later Tony DiNozzo wandered in from a scene to his seat, sitting down with a sigh of pleasure. He had been on the go since one the night before. He blinked at the young woman that paused in front of his desk. "I need a nap."
"Your son could use you showing up to play," Abby offered. "You got an email from Xander about baby appointments and then there's a new attack on the house by fanatics."
"Like extremists?"
"Like nazi instead but not HYDRA." She grimaced. "The same sort that picketed them."
"Wow. The kids okay?"
"They're fine. Andrew had a way to hide them when one made it inside. Then Andrew handled it while Xander was handling the others. The local PD was slower than anything I could even compare them to." She stared at him. "But he's fine."
"How bad? Did he have his axe this time?"
"He took a machete off one that tried to kill him."
"Any agents involved?"
"Not that they've said. It's all over the supposed news media. They're saying that they wanted to 'free' the girls. Xander came out to shoo the reporters off for panicking the younger girls and pointed out if guys that like that wanted to do the job for the slayers, they were more than welcome and the Council would gladly train them how to hunt. That actor guy agreed when someone asked him, the Council would help a hunter train like they had him." She grinned. "The supposed news people got huffy about that because it meant the girls weren't doing their ordained jobs. Xander looked at one and told her to make up her mind. Also that the girls had a choice about going on to patrol status or something else. Not everyone really did good under battle conditions and they weren't going to throw them into one to watch them die from it. He went off on her so much she was too horrified to be nasty or stupid."
"Good on him," Tony said. "Any other responses?"
"Agents have popped up to agree with Xander and pointed out that any other attacks on the slayers would result in a lot of arrests. The FBI actually ended up taking over the attackers this time. One of the reporters tried to say something to a baby slayer, who burst out crying and ran inside. Xander nicely used a hyped nerf gun to hit that guy in the head with a bean bag that knocked him back then went out to go off on him. Then he asked the hellhounds on the grounds to make sure no one crossed the boundaries that shouldn't be there. That one got sniffed and pissed himself on air." She grinned.
"Good. If I had a way to go, I'd go tomorrow."
"We'll see," the director said as she came down the stairs behind him. "Can they handle the slayers by themselves? There's only two adults in the house."
Tony looked at her. "They have so far. We're not sure of how things will work during the next major event."
"We don't have an office in Cleveland," she said, staring at him.
"I have friends in that FBI office, Director."
"Good. Is your son safe?"
"Usually."
"They had to get baby shots today," Abby said.
"That's fine," the director agreed, staring at Tony. "You do have vacation hours you could use to go visit or even take partial custody of your son and any others you care to spoil."
Tony grinned. "I don't mind being stepdaddy to the others. Two of them don't have other parents any longer."
"I've heard." She stared at him. "There's rumors going around that SHIELD wants to look at their bloodwork."
"I suggest those former SHIELD people take a flying leap," Tony warned. "Forever and ever. If Xander doesn't get them for it, I certainly will."
She smirked at him, walking off. "Good. You should go watch them."
"I'll be up there by tomorrow at breakfast," Tony said, gathering things. He looked at Abby.
"I'll make you a flight reservation," she said, going to do that while he traveled to the airport.
***
DiNozzo walked into the slayer house, nodding at the quietly humming Andrew. "Xander up?"
"Sleeping in. The agents that broke in at two nearly got killed." He stared at him.
"Some people who used to be SHIELD wanted to look at the kids' bloodwork."
"Like fucking hell," Andrew said. "I'll destroy the earth first."
Tony grinned. "I'm here to help babysit."
"Great. Please go change Nira for me? She probably needs one."
"I can do that." He went upstairs to help with the kids. Including the baby slayer that needed a desperate change. "There you go, sweetness." He changed Nira's dirty, wet diaper before going to check on the other four kids. They were sleeping like little angels, which they'd be until they got up. Tony went to knock gently on Xander's door in case he was still asleep. Xander grunted when he opened the door. "SHIELD wanted to get hold of the kids' bloodwork."
"Tell the other Daddy Tony," he grunted. "He knows them."
Tony grinned. "That'll help. I'm in to help guard the girls and be a stepdaddy."
"Works for me. Let me finish sleeping?"
"Go ahead. They're all asleep." Xander grinned, climbing back into bed. Tony closed the door, going back downstairs. He walked behind Andrew to get some coffee. "Don't hack in front of me please. I need deniability."
Andrew grinned at him. "I'm not. I'm debating calling the other Daddy."
"Go for it. I have information from Abby." He sipped his coffee, nodding when someone answered. "I'm Special Agent DiNozzo from NCIS, Arlin's daddy."
"Is there a problem?" the redhead asked. "I can get Tony from the lab."
"Yes," Andrew said. "Tony came up to help us watch the kids and share news."
Tony nodded. "SHIELD wanted the baby's blood work."
"What?" she demanded. Tony nodded, sipping his coffee again. "We're sure?"
"I have information that our Abby hacked for him."
"JARVIS, get Stark up here," she ordered.
A minute later, Tony Stark stomped into view. "What's up, Natasha? DiNozzo, problems?"
He plugged the key drive into the computer Andrew was using. "Send that somehow?" Andrew did that. "Abby hacked that for me after my director told me that SHIELD wanted some bloodwork from the kids."
"I'll destroy the remains that're still floating around," Stark growled. He downloaded the information to look over. "That's that secondary idiot group. I've had enough of them." He looked up. "Are you helping Xander protect the kids?" Tony nodded, grinning before draining his coffee. "I'll be there tonight."
"Do what you gotta do, Stark," Andrew said. "I'm about to destroy them all for trying to hurt my kid. Everyone always thinks I'm the nice guy." He hung up and grinned at Tony. "If you want deniability, I'd go watch the girls."
"I can do that. Need help with breakfast, Andrew?"
Andrew smiled. "I've got it handled, Tony. But thanks. It's nice to get some good support. It's really rare around here." Tony smiled, walking off. Andrew got back into the special stuff on his computer. "They never remember I was a villain," he said quietly. "I'll be a nice overlord until my daughter can take over safely."
***
"To quote the last guy who tried to fuck with me, mother fucker," Tony said as someone walked into their office. Tony was seated behind the desk with his feet up on an open drawer. "I don't care which version of supposed SHIELD this is, but if you touch my kid I will destroy your asses to the molecular level, Coulson."
"I have no desire to come near your child, Stark." He stared at him. Tony flopped down folders. "Where did you get those?"
"From your geeks. From the other geeks in the other supposed SHIELD." He dropped that file on the desk then stood up. "I will make sure that anything Andrew can do will happen. He may have been a part-time villain before but I went there before he did and I can make him my mini me." He stared the 'director' down. "I'll kill you *all* if you come near those kids. Period. Not just mine but *all* of them. You won't make them into Natasha lite. You won't be doing any *testing* on them. You're not going to turn them into whatever they did to Barnes." He walked around the desk. "Unless you want to run ashes, I'd stop them." He walked off. Behind him, things went off, shutting down all the computers and electronics.
Coulson picked up the folders to look over. "Damn it," he muttered. He headed for the labs, slamming the folders down. "How dare you treat children as an experiment!" They all flinched away from him. "I'll help Stark destroy the rest of us if you do this, people. This is not what SHIELD does and we are not HYDRA."
"They did something to those kids," one of the geeks said.
Leo Fitz looked at her then slugged her, knocking her into a wall. "I looked at one of the embryos that was due to be disposed of. They did nothing, they were going to do it after they were born." She held her jaw, glaring at him. He looked at Coulson. "Just us?"
"No." He handed over the folders.
Leo looked at it, nodding. "I can destroy them if we had our computers back."
"Stark found out."
"I'm happy he was that nice to us," Leo said dryly. "He could've blown us all up." He walked off. "Let me handle this, Coulson. Put guards on the children since it says HYDRA tried to get them back the other day."
"I've already got an agent going to do that. Let me know, Leo."
"Gladly. This isn't science." He went to talk to a few other people. "Skye, I need your help." She looked at him, then took the folders. "The computers are down thanks to Stark finding out we wanted to experiment on his daughter."
"No. They'd come after me too," she said, moving to pull out her laptop. It had been off so it wasn't affected. "I can see the others trying."
"Stop them. They're traitors and trying to turn children into experiments." She nodded, getting into that. He helped her with it. This was not going to happen while he was in charge.
***
Andrew looked at the lawyer he had summoned later that afternoon. "You will not charge me a single bit of my soul, or that of the children or slayers, for this lawsuit."
"That's not really how we work, Mr. Wells."
"You won't because if you try I'll go to the chaos mage that I originally wanted."
"He thought this might be beyond his experience."
Andrew smiled. "Well, I am about to cause a lot of chaos."
"I'll have him as my second. Why shouldn't I charge you?"
Andrew laid out three thick folders. "This is the list of all the people that are in HYDRA's files as agents or people involved." He pushed over the second. "This is the list of those who were involved in the making of multiple children, including some embryos." The lawyer moaned. Andrew smiled, pushing over the third. "This is the list of HYDRA agents who are still employed in three different governments, including this one. We are suing them for child support and upkeep."
The lawyer blinked a few times. "They could use it to demand visitation."
"Only if they're a parent. They didn't use too many of their own people to make the embryos and none of the children we know got born from this experiment are from their people. Though we do want to know who has custody of the embryos as they tried a second round and that's why I have a daughter with Xander Harris."
The lawyer licked his lips, considering it. "The White Knight?"
"Yes." Andrew smiled. "They *adored* his blood, which was pre-senior year because they didn't have to take out the mermaid taint he has. He had four from the first batch of ten. We have agents from other agencies that aren't even HYDRA trying to get hold of the kids to experiment on as well. I'd like you to fix that." Andrew leaned closer. "Do you really think my soul is worth that sort of case?"
"No," he moaned. "Oh, this is going to be huge. How many children?"
"Ten in the first batch, three with the second that we found, through the demons showing up to help Xander and his four get free of them." The lawyer let out a sexual sounding moan. "People found the first set because they thought they were a people seller they were stopping. Then they found the files and called Xander. He called an FBI contact, who is now nowhere to be found. Or her boss."
The lawyer nodded, licking his lips. "I'll not charge you a single bit of soul for you, your family, or any other parents and children who want to join in."
"Excellent." Andrew smiled. "What else do you need from me or Xander?"
"Is he joining?" Andrew handed over a signed sheet stating he was going to be suing those sort for making him a father without his permission. The lawyer smiled and nodded, drawing up the contract there. Andrew made sure it didn't have any payment from soul bits for anyone then handed over copies of things that Xander had on his own kids and about the other kids that Stark had. The lawyer looked it over. In Stark's files it listed the embryos with their known parents. The lawyer nearly cried. Andrew smiled. "It's this or I have to prove what pussies they are by taking over humanity. That might look bad on the slayers though." He grinned. "I try so hard to be a good boy."
"I've heard of your former trio, Mr. Wells."
"Warren would've lost his mind even more than he slipped it. Jonho would've been so stoked for me having a geek baby though."
The lawyer nodded. "I'll gladly start this by filing the first paperwork first thing in the morning. The higher ups would like to know."
Andrew shrugged. "The more power it takes, the more open it is, the more chaos is drawn out, and the more HYDRA is solved so they can't come after the slayers. If they had just left us alone...." He shrugged again. "Xander's livid. He's not even sleeping."
"I'll gladly start filing the paperwork tonight, Mr. Wells. Thank you for letting Wolfram and Hart handle this mess for you."
"You're welcome. Remember, we need *good* support for them. The slayers like to teach them about clothes. Two of them *are* girls." The lawyer nodded, hurrying off with the files to see the senior partners. One of them liked HYDRA but he'd like this chaos more. Andrew went home to deal with the kids coming home from school, but Xander had handled it and was working on dinner. "You can cook?"
"Who do you think cooked when I was in the middle of nowhere with just a fire, Andrew?" He grinned at him. "Did they like it?"
"A lot. He nearly got off on the table." They high-fived and got down to fixing vegetable lasagna. It was good for the girls and filling, plus easy to moosh up for the babies.
***
One Little, Two Little, Three Little Knights, Four Little, Five Little, Six Little Xanders.