One Little, Two Little, Three Little Knights, Four Little, Five Little, Six Little Xanders. by Voracity2

One Little, Two Little, Three Little Knights, Four Little, Five Little, Six Little Xanders.

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Stark looked up that night, frowning when Dawn appeared with a demon. "Huge emergency? We've barely gotten the kids calmed down."

"No. Solving a huge problem. Because otherwise the kids will turn into miniature Xanders and one miniature Andrew." She grinned. The demon shuddered. "Exactly. That's why we're working on it. I'd have to have kids to tame some of them and I can't have kids so we're all screwed."

The demon nodded. "A few wishes have been struck."

"By?" Stark asked.

"Many beings. Including some demons begging for mercy from the future hunters." He grimaced. Xander and Andrew stomped in together. "Peace, Knight and Raising Mother." Andrew snorted at that name. "You do."

"It's not exactly the best name for a guy. It doesn't have the same sort of clout as 'knight' does."

"We know you're a knight of a different sort," Dawn promised, giving him a hug and a kiss on the cheek. "D'Hoffryn and others have been talking all afternoon about HYDRA and the kids turning into fruits of Xander's tree, and one pear from Andrew's tree." Andrew smirked at her. "I know, I got Buffy's text message too. Yay, had to happen to save everyone. Before Joy takes something shiny out to use on people who upset her daddy or Pepper." Stark shuddered. "Exactly." She smiled at them. She looked over Andrew's shoulder. "Hi, Hoppity. Let us have adult stuff talks. You and Joy go find someone to get you a snack?" The rabbit shook his head. Stark went to get her. Dawn looked at her two favorite guys. "So?"

"Could help," Xander agreed. "Before I have to raise dozens of kids." The demon shuddered, handing over a scroll. He looked it over, handing it to Andrew. "They're not just in the US."

"We know," the demon said. "We're not pleased with their ways either. We'd like humans to move forward and find the reality of true faith to real powers." He disappeared. Their will would be done.

Andrew looked up. "If you do that, we still need money to upkeep and help the kids shop on." The scroll twinkled to change so that was added. He walked off happier, going to give that to Stark while Andrew took Joy and Hoppity back to bed.

"Frog," she creeled, reaching back.

"It's a sick frog. It has to stay in the lab tonight," Andrew said. "You can see the magical frog tomorrow." She grinned, patting him with her rabbit's paw.

Xander shook his head. "How did I make a girly girl like that one?"

Stark looked at him. "No clue how but she's good at it."

Xander nodded. "Often." He walked off thinking about those plans. He could help in a few places so it got better. He got knocked out by a hidden demon so he couldn't help the plans. They didn't want to know what he'd want to do to those sort.

***

A wish demon appeared before D'Hoffryn, shaking her head. "Harris had an idea."

"He often does. Will it harm things?"

"He wished that HYDRA agents had to ingest a small egg as part of their swearing of allegiance. Perhaps one of the smaller imp-like ones. He wasn't sure what type, just that setting them off would end HYDRA."

D'Hoffryn nodded once. "That is particularly nasty." She pulled up the book he had been looking at to show him, but it got summoned back by Andrew. "Hmm. It would not catch all of them but a good majority."

"I believe they'd finally realize their stupidity levels," she countered. "The others would probably hide."

"That would be fine, as long as they quit making future hunters." D'Hoffryn sent that idea to the demons over the HYDRA situation. They liked it. Considered it mean but it was amusing to watch happen.

***

Down on earth, Xander and Andrew looked at the staring Avengers. "They liked the idea of ingesting something to make sure they're loyal," Andrew said with a grin.

"It'll be kinda gross, but...." Xander shrugged. "We won't have dozens more kids each."

"I only have three embryos," Clint quipped. "Thankfully no girls." He looked at the cooing Joyceline, who was cooing over Nira's upset tummy. "Is that normal?"

"Something that's a preservative cranks her tummy," Andrew said. "It's why she couldn't drink formula."

"I'm still going to buy some goats to give us milk and food," Xander quipped.

"If you want to farm you go right ahead," Andrew quipped with a smirk for him. "We'll miss you."

"Zora got offered three goats and ten chickens for her hand in marriage," Xander quipped back. "She actually likes the guy too but they live in the city so she can't have farm animals."

"Are you moving to Bosnia?" Andrew asked.

"Don't tempt me."

"Way too far for visitation," Stark quipped, staring at his daughter. "You fuss very well, Joy." She smirked at him, waving the knife she had stolen. "Don't use that on your sister."

"You hush! Shiny! Not hurt Nira!" She went back to cooing over her.

Jesse grinned at Stark. "We not hurt baby! We show her shiny to make her tummy feel better." He looked at his daddy, who hugged him. "Daddy, shiny more?"

"You already stole all my shinies, Jesse." He pointed at the staff. "That's not the mean one and it'll make your head hurt. Not until you're an adult. That's a big person shiny. Sorry. Want to help me clean emergency portal weapons instead?" The baby got up to dance around with the others joining in. Nira wiggled to her hands and knees to join in. "Aww, you're nearly dancing!" he cooed, hugging her.

Andrew took her to cuddle. "You're so cute." The kids patted her then grabbed their other father to help him get them into the shiny room of shinies. Andrew grinned at his daughter. "Some day you can help Xander shine slayer artillery too." She gummed on his cheek, making him cuddle her. "Want a story?" She cooed, patting him. He settled in to read to her from a magazine that was on the table. She'd never care that it was about weapons. Stark followed Xander and the kids to see what sort of weapons they were still hiding. "He's going to help the big kids while we read," he told her. "Then I'll put you down and go work on my plans for the time stop ray again. We'll enjoy that when the slayers bother me too much." The baby giggled, patting the book so he went back to it.

"You can't do that," Natasha said. "It's impossible."

Andrew grinned at her. "Not hardly. I have one I use in the kitchen. It only stops it for ten minutes but it gives me enough time to calm myself down and not destroy a few of the whiny girls that refuse to do homework and things. One thought we were evil to her by making her go to school. She did not like the talk Xander had with her when he took her to a strip club to introduce her to her future coworkers." He grinned, going back to the story. "She should be calling in sometime later today to whine again. She's on a schedule."

Xander came up, holding his phone. "Buffy's psychic. She just asked for you to come yell at the girls for being whiny cows." He went back to shining weapons with the kids.

Andrew put the phone against his ear and shoulder, tipping his head. "You needed me to yell at which whiny one?" He listened, then groaned, putting it on speaker so the others could hear how badly whiny that one was. "Buffy, tell the whiny thing that women in most of the world only *wish* they could have the opportunities we're giving her. Most of them are married off as soon as they have a cycle and start having kids within a year. They die young, poor, and in horrible shape.

"If she's that against education and all the benefits it brings, take her to the strip club there and introduce her to a sugar daddy. Apparently Xander's talk with her and her future stripper coworkers didn't get through her thick skull." Buffy complained. "Yay. Schooling is mandatory in most *civilized* countries. She's going to school even if I have to walk her in there by her pubic hair each and every morning. Especially with some of the outfits she tried to wear to school that showed said hair," he said dryly.

"She goes or I'm going to spell her to go. I'll spell her to get a PhD and possibly multiple ones. Now, she can act like she has sense or she can be cursed. Which does she want?" Buffy repeated that. They could all hear the girl ranting about that. Andrew looked at the staff, grinning at it. "Tell her I have a *powerful* chaos artifact and I'm not against using it. I don't need this stress on top of the kids. She's not a baby, she shouldn't act like one." Buffy complained a bit.

"Hey, I can temporarily change Willow back from a magical frog," he offered. "Since she tried to kill Nira on us." Buffy swore about that and yelled at the girls making Andrew not stay calm. He needed to be calm before he destroyed people with that staff. "No, I think that's Xander's job. He's *so* much better at destruction." He smiled at Nira.

"Some day you'll be just as good as Daddy Xander at destruction, Nira. Yes you will. We'll both teach you explosives and chemistry stuff. It's like cooking and you'll like that too because I do." She giggled. Buffy groaned and hung up. Andrew tipped his head back. "Xander, I told her to go to school or I was going to curse her to get multiple PhD's," he yelled.

"Don't tempt me," he yelled back. "The first one will be in hypothetical physics based on alternate reality and realms."

Stark came out shuddering. "Some women only want to be trophy wives, Andrew."

"She's not that pretty. She needs a nose job, a boob job, and a lot of working out to make it to the level of pretty enough to be a trophy wife. She's fourteen and she's using her cunt for brains again. It's not allowed. All slayers go to school. I only had one hate it that much and hers had been shot up so she home schooled while she did therapy. Then she went. She's now skipped a grade and she didn't speak a word of english before coming over for her own safety. It's not a high standard, just show up and do the work."

"That's an excellent standard," Natasha agreed. "One I fully agree with. You have clearly remade the calling into something that I can appreciate."

Andrew grinned at her. "I'd hug you but you'd stab me." She smirked and nodded. "That means a lot, Natasha. Thank you." He looked at the baby, who was wiggly. "Let me change you." He took her to the bathroom to change, letting her figure out the walking thing while he cleaned up his own self since she had peed on him. She figured out mobility, going out to bump into Clint to stare up at him.

He grinned down at her. "Nice job, Nira. Very good job." She patted him, still staring. He picked her up, letting her lean in to bite him. "Hey!" He grinned. "Are you hungry?"

Andrew came out pulling on a new shirt. "I think that's her version of a kiss." He took her to look at. "I like that you just walked. It means you can get away from Joy when she's bothering the others." He put her down and pointed. "Daddy Xander and Jesse are that way." He followed her cooing little self. Xander squealed, picking her up to hug her. "She just bit kissed Clint."

"Aww, your first crush! That's so cute!" Xander cooed at her. "He's a good guy to crush on." He let the older ones have her to coo over and help them clean things. Andrew moved in to help too. The kids couldn't use anything like cleaning chemicals but he could.

Out in the living room, Clint was grinning. "I'm a good role model."

"Sometimes, yes," Natasha agreed, smirking at him. "At least she didn't draw blood." She went to giggle by herself in her room. Thankfully without the help of stuffed animals or children. She really didn't understand kids.

***

Bucky woke up, blinking at the staring stuffed animal that had woken him. "Which one of you is it this time? Since that's not Hoppity I know it's not Joy." He sat up, staring at Henry, who was holding up the stuffed wolf. "Morning," he said dryly. "What's wrong?" The stuffed wolf growled some while wiggling up and down. "Is that a hungry growl, a mad growl, or did you just need away from your sisters?" The wolf's paw patted his foot then the boy grinned and ran off. He sighed, following him to make sure he was going somewhere he was supposed to be.

Nope, he was going to the labs. He grabbed the kid before he ran into a lab. "Your daddy would be really unimpressed with you blowing up someone, Henry," he said, carrying him off. "C'mon, back to bed." The wolf got put on his shoulder to stare back at whoever and growled. Bucky paused then looked. He looked at the kid. "They won't hurt you or upset you. None of the animals will need to eat them, even Joy and Hoppity." Henry grinned and kissed him then waved at the ladies. "Sorry, he's confused because you're new. Let's get you back to daddy, Henry."

"No!" he chirped. "Daddy head." He pointed at his forehead. "Big bright."

"Oh, great, a vision," Bucky complained, carrying him back to the suite the family was using. Andrew let him in, taking Henry. "He found new people so the wolf had to come ask me about them."

"I'll talk to him," Andrew promised, staring at the baby.

"He was polite at least. Xander all right? Is it a huge battle?"

"Yes, maybe, and yes. I'd hate to have that battle and it's not ours." He sighed, going to get the tape of the vision. "Hasn't been transcribed yet."

"I'll have Stark do it for you guys." He took it down to Stark's lab. There was music, he was in there. He wasn't fully awake but he snapped awake when Bucky walked in. "Vision. Not transcribed yet." Stark took it to play in his machine, listening to the tired sounding voice that came over the groaning as Xander shifted position. The two shared a look.

"I'll make sure Steve gets it over breakfast. Did they get you up?"

"Henry found new people so the wolf had to check them out." He walked off, going back to bed. He carried Joy and Hoppity back to the lab, handing her to her father so he could go back to his room and be alone. He locked the door to make sure. Even if she had left him a teddy bear. That was sweet of her, but a bit weird. Then again, she was a Stark.

Tony looked at his grinning daughter. "You make him feel a lot better, Joy. We can handle that tomorrow though. You should be napping. It's well past everyone's bedtime." He took her up there, making Andrew huff when he answered the door. "She snuck out?"

"Yes!" He took her, pointing at her bed. "Sleep. Now please." She pouted at him, cuddling her rabbit. "Tonight's not the night to sneak out, Joyceline. Daddy Xander's head is throbbing. We don't need this tonight."

"We can take her in for tonight," Tony promised, taking her and the other kids besides Nira up to his suite to settle in with them. The tape got transcribed by JARVIS for him. The kids settled down for him and went right to sleep in their pile of stuffed animal friends. It was nice. Very comforting.

***

On the news the next morning, the news people were grossed out by the sudden happening of exploding people. Even when someone explained *why* they were still grossed out. Then one heard the statement from Buffy, looking at who had exploded and why. That got a whole other storm started by lunch about 'so and so were HYDRA'. They were not happy about all that. Especially with how many agents, world leaders, and people in judicial seats around the world got exposed. The two biggest conservatives on the Supreme Court? Yup. The former President? Yup. The current VP? Yup. Half of Congress had to be mopped up off the floor after the demon egg burst out of them during a debate. The news people were so happy. Grossed out that the demon started to dance around but happy that so many had fallen.

Everyone else...well, Staring in Awe day might get an official holiday soon.

***

In a certain command plane, Coulson looked at his formerly hidden HYDRA agent that was kept confined in the conference room. "Why aren't you exploding?"

"He said that he forgot a step of my initiation but no one would mind," he said quietly, staring at him. "I'm rather glad of that now."

Coulson nodded. "That would be a mess to clean up." He walked off, letting the others keep watch on him for now. Any who were left would probably be hiding in case they got exploded too. It'd make things easier on everyone.

***

Stark showed up the day after things calmed down. "Okay," he said as he walked into the slayer house. "Andrew, Xander?" he called. The slayers all stared at him from the living room. He grinned. "Hi, ladies." They mostly waved.

Andrew came down the stairs holding Nira and handed her over then went back upstairs. "It's bath time. It's gonna be a few."

Tony looked at the naked baby, taking her up to diaper and dress in an outfit Pepper had gotten her. "There, now you look like a cute little girl." She giggled, letting him take her back to the bathroom to lean in the doorway. "Joy, are you playing?" he asked with a smile.

"Nope," she said, smiling at him and shaking her head. "Boys have butts."

"All people have butts, theirs are just being cleaned," Xander said, pulling her out. She climbed back in. "No, you're clean. Let your dad get you dressed." She pouted. "If you're a good girl we'll see if we can find a kiddy pool for the backyard." Andrew gave him a dirty look. "A tiny one, 'Drew. One you fill with a hose and then sit in the shade watching the kids splash in water that's about that deep."

"You have fun with that. I've got stuff I've got to clean and do."

"Ladies, go change your rooms," Xander called, tipping his head toward the door. "Andrew's too tired to change all your sheets and you should be cleaning your own rooms anyway. Things are back to normal and Andrew is not your slave."

"Yes, Xander," they complained, coming up to do that.

One leaned in, waving at the waving boys. "I changed my sheets last night, Andrew. I bled on them because my back reopened. I used the pretreater on the stains."

"I'm looking at that later," Xander ordered. "Since you're off patrol, we're going looking for a kiddy pool and a hose."

"I'll price shop online so we only have to run in," she quipped, heading back downstairs. The boys all pouted, she could hear them being pouty. "If you don't get clean, you can't swim," she called back. "That's pool rules, guys." Suddenly there was splashing going on. She grinned at Stark, who smirked back.

Tony looked at the two guys. "Now that HYDRA's done for, we need to talk about a certain staff, guys." Joy wiggled so he took her to dress her and came back to corral the girls for them. "There, great?" They grinned up at him. "Do you two have bathing suits?" He texted Pepper at Andrew's head shake. She sent down where they were found. "Hmm. Ambrose...."

"We don't go there. They hate us there," Xander said. "One of them followed us to try to blow up my car. That whole mall is full of slayer hating people."

"I'm not Council, Xander. If they hate me, I'll buy the stupid mall and foreclose." He smirked.

Xander snorted, shaking his head. "The owners are fundies. Half the stores are run by fundies. Even the Starbucks is run by fundies and goes against corporate policy on things." Stark grimaced. "Try Marshal's."

Tony sent that note back to Pepper, who sent back a glare but found where he could go for the kids' bathing suits. "I can do that. What size do the boys wear?" Andrew handed over a pair of jeans while trying to contain Jesse's wiggling to wash his hair. "Boys, be good boys like Pepper and Steve would want," Tony said without looking. They quit being wiggly. "I can do that. Let me take the girls with me. They're always harder to fit and picky about clothes."

"Carseats are in my car," Xander said. "It might be unlocked."

"I can pick locks," Tony assured him, carrying the two girls off. They were more than happy to help Tony get them things.

Xander and Andrew shared a look. "No more joint baths unless they toss paint on themselves."

"Agreed." They got two of the boys out and got to work on the other two. Then they were done so they gathered the escaping naked babies to get dressed. The slayers were more than happy to hand back the annoying naked boys.

***

Stark showed up that night at the tower with the staff in a special carrying case. It had given him a headache when he had touched it so it was safely out of touching range. He also had Joy and Hoppity with them, Hoppity in a carrier like a real pet. He handed Joy to Steve then went to the lab. "I'll be right back. Let me lock this up."

"Let Hoppity out!" she demanded.

"Say please," Steve ordered, staring at her. "You have to have some manners, Joyceline." She scowled at him. He grinned. "Can't you say please?"

"No!"

Clint walked past, taking the carrier to let the rabbit onto the chair. "There you go, Joy." He took her to put in front of the toy. She climbed up to cuddle it, staring up at him. "What?"

"Candy?"

"Ask your daddy. You stole all mine." He smirked.

"Shoot. Miss Tashy?"

"I don't think she has any but if you see her you can ask her." She grinned. "Though I'd be more polite than you were with Steve. Please gets you things." She huffed but cuddled down with her rabbit. He looked at Steve. "She's sure he's real," he mouthed. "And she's not three yet." He went into the kitchen to get some coffee, coming out to sit down. Stark came up, picking up Joy and her rabbit to sit underneath them. The carrier got put down. "Long trip?"

"Her ear hurt and her nose started to bleed." She cuddled him, putting the rabbit on her stomach to cuddle them both.

"She scowled when I told her to say please," Steve said.

Tony nodded. "She's using it sometimes but she's still too young to understand why, Steve. She still belches in her brothers' ears then excuses herself. The guys try but sometimes she doesn't listen. She'll learn as she gets older." Steve nodded. He looked at her. "Why are you pouting?"

"Candy?"

"Candy's a treat. You don't need treats when you're sick. Besides, dinner is soon."

She pouted at him. "Candy for dinner?"

"No. Candy's not a dinner food. Dinner food isn't a treat and candy is a *treat*." She pouted but cuddled in again. He rolled his head back to look up. Then at Clint. "She try you already?"

"I reminded her she stole all mine."

"Miss Tashy?" she asked.

"I have no idea where she is," Stark admitted.

"Me either," Clint said. He pulled out his phone to text her. She came off the elevator a minute later, handing Joyceline a small fuzzy duck. Clint grinned at that trick.

Joy looked at the duck then at her. "It's a quacker."

"It's a duck. Ducks and rabbits get together to play in the spring," she said.

"Oooh. What's spring?" she asked her father.

"A time of the year but they can play anytime. Your Hoppity is a great friend and likes to play with you so he'll like to play with your new friend. What's her name?"

Joyceline stared at the duck, turning it over a few times. "It's fuzzy."

"It's a young duck, like you're a little girl. If it grows up it'll be an adult duck and have adult feathers. Like Auntie Natasha," Stark said with a grin for her. Natasha rolled her eyes but smiled at the child.

"Hmm. So you a little ducky like I'm a little girl." She stared at it a few more times, turning it over and over. "Ask Henry?" she chirped, smiling at him. "He names things."

"We can call him tonight." She hugged both animals to Natasha then her daddy, cuddling up with him.

"Candy?" Joy asked her with a hopeful grin.

"Candy isn't good for you. You need to eat things that are good for you so you can grow up to be a big girl like Pepper and myself."

"Oooh. Veggies?" she asked with a wince.

Natasha smirked, nodding. "They are important for eating right, yes."

"Fine. Boys get cookies."

"I'll talk to Andrew to remind him about proper eating before they're so small they never grow up." She strolled off. "Let me know what you name her, Joy."

Tony poked her and mouthed 'thank you'. "Thank you, Miss Tashy!" she called, waving at her.

"You're very welcome, Joy."

She grinned, cuddling her animals. "Call Henry now?"

"Sure, we can see if he's up." He turned on that program on his tablet, letting her wave at Andrew. "She wanted Henry to name her new baby duck."

"Miss Tashy gave," she said, holding her up. Upside down but still up.

"Aww, that's sweet of Miss Natasha, sweetheart." He looked then got Henry, carrying him back. "Here, she wants your help to name her new friend."

"Miss Tashy gave," she said, holding it up. "Is little duck like little girl."

Henry blinked then grinned. "Is Fluffy Duck."

"Cool!" She grinned at him. "We no have cookies. Miss Tashy said veggies mean you grow up. Cookies mean stay in diapers." Henry grimaced but looked at Andrew, who nodded.

"That's why I've been slowly cutting down on your cookie habit, yup. You have to start eating better." Henry sniffled but wiggled down to tell the others. Andrew grinned at her. "We'll see you in a few days, Joy."

"'Kay! Have cookies?"

"Sure, we can have a cookie when you get home." He hung up after a wave. He could giggle with Xander later.

Tony put his tablet down, letting her sit up with her new friend. She ran in to tell Tasha her name then came back to cuddle some more. Her ear still hurt. "Need thingy," she told him. "Ear."

"We can do that later. We can show them a picture until we order one. Our docs are super smart, they can do the pictures." She nodded, leaning on him again. He kissed her forehead. "You have a fever, young lady. Let's go have someone look at your ear." She grabbed both friends, letting her father carry them all down to the infirmary.

Clint grinned at Natasha when she came out. "Nice one."

"Thank you. It'll save your candy stash."

"I hope."

She settled down with her snack. It was a good night watching Tony fuss at his daughter. It was entertaining because others got into it with him.

***

Joy and the other kids were back home, and had snuck out of the house. The slayers were sniffly. The daddies were cranky. The Xander daddy had booboos that made hugging them nearly impossible because he couldn't bend. So they had to be good kids and help the daddies. It made real sense to them. So they were sneaking out of the house. They didn't realize someone was up a tree staring at them but he was. They went to look in the building out back. It had nasty stuff like the loud machine that made the lawn messy and the stuff Daddy Andrew had let them play with to clean up the messy lawn. Jesse had seen a thing though, a doorway. They figured out how it opened, Daddy Tony had cabinets that opened the same way. It was easily opened and they all had to haul on the door to open it. They stared.

"Shiny," Arlin cooed.

"Grr!" Henry said, holding his tiger to his chest. "Grr get mad."

Joy hugged him. "Grr not get mad, silly. Grr likes shiny."

"Grr get mad because Daddy shinies."

Joy grinned at him. "Daddy shares shinies. We clean shinies. We love shinies."

"Grr fine," Henry sighed. The others cooed and hugged him before climbing down to look at the shinies. Henry looked outside. "Bad guy!" he shouted, pointing. They ran inside. The bad guy tried to capture them but Daddy Xander appeared and hurt him. "Daddy!"

"Go inside," he ordered. "I'll deal with this." He went out to relock the bigger problem solvers' vault then put something heavy on top of it. He came out to see who he had shot, smiling at the guy laying there. "Did you not learn when the rest of them had their demon eggs explode?"

"Not them," he groaned. "Want DiNozzo."

"Hey, Arlin, call your daddy," he called. "This bad guy wanted him." He stared at him. Arlin ran out the phone with a grin. "Good boy, thank you. Go back inside. You don't need to pick on the bad guy. He might give you bad ideas. Then you'd take Nira and Andrew's fun from them." He put the phone against his ear. "The bad guy that tried to pounce the wandering children said he wanted you," he said at the growling. "Sorry, Gibbs. I told him to call his dad. Ah! Hospital time. I've been there. Recently even.

"What do you want me to tell the police?" He waved the staring officer over. "Tried to grab the kids. I have a federal agent on the phone." He held it out with a grin. "He wants to find out about this bad guy my kids nearly destroyed. I have to go talk to them about leaving the higher powered shiny weapons alone. Don't take off with my phone?" He walked inside to talk to his kids.

The officer listened to the growling on the phone. "Agent, may I have your identity please?" He heard and nodded. "I've heard of your agency and your Agent DiNozzo. Oh, his boss. That's fine, Agent Gibbs. I have a white male suspect with a lower stomach gunshot wound in the scarily large class begging for medical attention, sir." He listened and looked down. "He wanted to know why you wanted DiNozzo?"

"Case," he moaned, holding his stomach. "Please?"

"He said it's about a case, Agent Gibbs. Yes, I can do that and have the local office show up to get him for you. Thank you, Agent Gibbs. I'll do that." He hung up and called that in. Xander came out to get his phone. "Their local office will gladly come get him from the ER, sir. What did you use?" Xander held up his handgun. "Ah, one of those. I haven't seen those in practice. Makes a pretty mess."

Xander grinned. "I'm making wooden bullets for it too." He went inside. "Have fun with him."

"Thank you, Mr. Harris." Other officers rushed in to help him and the suspect. "He used a huge caliber handgun."

"I can see that," one of the other officers said. "Why?"

"He tried to grab the kids to get the father of one that's in NCIS."

The officers nodded and they gathered him so the paramedics could clean up the mess. There weren't any other bad guys waiting to pounce the kids so that was a good thing. The Council really needed some quiet time to calm down.

***

Tony Stark hung up with his daughter then called Harris. He assumed Xander was out on patrol since the kids had said he was 'out being grr'. "What higher shiny weapons did they find under the messy lawn stuff?" he asked dryly. Xander quipped something about needing certain bigger things for incidences like invasions. And that it wasn't the Council's, it was his. He had collected it and let them borrow it. "Should someone like Gibbs not hear about those?"

Xander quipped about the permissions to hoard weapons. "Uh-huh. Should I come look them over to make sure they work? Yeah, I can do that. Oh, zoo trip tomorrow. The kids didn't mention that... good idea not to tell them until you're on your way, yeah. Fine, I'll see you tomorrow and I'll chaperone on the zoo trip." He hung up with a moan, calling Pepper. "Harris won higher weapons at kitten poker." He hung up and went to get something for his headache. It didn't get any better when Natasha held up a faxed statement that Harris and the Council could hoard weapons.

***

Tony Stark was in the park with the kids. The zoo was their next stop once they had worn out some of their energy running around the playground. Xander was presently letting Nira eat her yummy pureed veggies on a nearby table. All the stuffed animals were at home, thankfully, and Tony was still in mental trauma over the weapons Xander had shown him to make him quit complaining about him having a rpg missile hidden. Now that the kids were winding down, they could eat a small snack, then go to the aquarium part of the zoo. The kids hadn't seen fish yet. Which would probably lead to more stuffed animals but oh well. The wolf, tiger, and Hoppity would all protect the poor fish from everything he guessed.

Xander grinned at him. "Bad thoughts?" he quipped.

"Many," Stark complained. "Including that they'll want fish pets."

"No real, live pets for slayers because we might have to evacuate the house quickly. Pets don't get moved fast enough usually. Sorry but no."

"I get that," Stark agreed. He looked at the kid staring up at him. "What's up, Jesse?" The kid pointed. "That's a reporter."

"Grr needs to eat, should feed to Grr."

"We can do other things with reporters so Grr the tiger doesn't have to eat them. Daughter, what are you doing?" he demanded, standing up. Joy had just turned, dropped her shorts, and flashed her butt at the reporter then farted loudly. "That's not a good thing, Joyceline. Pepper will be *very* mad. C'mere please. Let's get you cleaned up again."

Joy pouted at him. "She bad lady."

"Yay," Tony said dryly.

Xander pointed. "Tree. Face it like it's the corner after Tony cleans your tiny butt." He stared at her until she looked down. "That is an adult thing, not a kid thing. That's for me to do."

"The reporter might like it if you flashed her instead," Tony quipped. He walked his daughter off to the park bathroom, not letting her touch anything but the diaper bag had wipes so he could make sure she didn't have debris on her. Then they'd have a talk about good girl behavior. Or he'd call Pepper and let her talk to Joy about good girl behavior since he wasn't a girl and never had been.

Xander looked at the reporter. "I will have you eaten," he said loudly. "Get away from my kids." They ran off. "Thanks!" he called with a wave, cracking the boys up. "You guys can't do that either." They came over to grab Nira, taking her to play in the sand with them. "Okay, sure." He packed up the remains of lunch and put it into the basket under the stroller. He pushed it over to where the boys were. "Who wants a snack?" They all ran over to get something to nibble from him, him letting Nira suck on a bit of cracker with them. Tony came back with Joy, who got her snack and went to sit facing a tree for a few minutes.

Tony shook his head, watching over the kids. They'd handle things. Then talk about the weapons after the kids went to bed. When he found out what Xander really had on his inventory Tony had a migraine. Thankfully his daughter was mostly still normal. She liked shiny jewelry more than she liked shiny weapons. Pepper would have a lot to work with to get Joy to be a normal girl instead of a hunter.

***

Tony Stark got a call from Tony DiNozzo. "Yeah?" he asked, not paying much attention since he was in the middle of a flight test.

"Stark, do you know anything about the rumors of Xander hoarding weapons? Arlin mentioned shinies and the only thing I know he calls that name is weapons."

"He's got governmental permission to hoard weapons." He banked then pulled up suddenly, having to restart the new prototype jet boots. "Sorry, flying test."

"I didn't realize you were busy, sorry myself. Um...will the current government say that?"

"Yes. It was signed by the guy before the one found to be HYDRA. It's for him specifically and then the slayers have one. He has one from a few governments."

"Oh, okay. Should I worry about how bad it is?"

"I am," he quipped, smiling some. "But he doesn't let the kids pet anything too high anymore. We had a talk about why my daughter was sitting on a disarmed bomb that was going to be used to stop an upcoming battle with a portal. Xander agreed we could set nice limits on what the kids could play with." DiNozzo groaned. "We had a great talk about that by the kiddie pool in the back yard after I made him brag about his weapons. I'm still wondering who he gets them from."

"His ex's," DiNozzo said dryly. "Should I worry? There's agents up there today."

"Xander agreed to let a few agents test into being watcher trainees. JARVIS, is there a problem at the main Council house?" he asked.

"No, sir. The trainee agents are in testing. The problem is from the protestors right now. They're being a bit problematic but I believe some have been paid to be there by what they're doing. One was complaining about actor's unions mandatory breaks within press hearing." He put up the live taping from the house in Cleveland. Tony stopped flying and hovered, watching it. Then he took off flying. "Sir, you really shouldn't test the boots that heavily yet."

"JARVIS, that's one of the Ten Rings guys in the white hoodie," Stark said. "Pepper ID'd him to Hill. Tell Hill. DiNozzo, I'm heading down there now. If you or Gibbs want to talk about weapons we can do that then?"

"Sure, I'll let the boss know. Be safe, Stark. Let us know if we can help." He hung up.

Pepper rang through almost instantly. "What are you doing?"

"One of the guys in the Ten Rings ID file Hill has is in Cleveland pretending to be a picketer at the house," he said.

"You have fun with that," she said then hung up, calling for someone to find her Maria Hill.

"Nothing like a long test flight," Tony quipped. "JARVIS, spin me some tunes please?" Music came on for him. Tony landed a short while later right on top of the guy, staring down at him. "Not like we didn't see you. Pepper saw you just fine," he sneered.

Buffy walked out, looking at the slightly smooshed guy then at him. "Is he a bad guy?"

"Yup, sure is."

"Great. Can you come get the other bad guys out of the closet? Andrew got really pissed off at them earlier and had Xander stack them in there when he froze them with his ray gun thingy he uses on the cranky slayers instead of yelling at them. We can't shut the closet anymore and the agents are all scared to deal with it for them because Xander's giving the watcher trainee test. The kids are having *way* too much fun trying to poke the frozen bad guys and it's probably a bad thing to teach them."

"Yeah, I can do that," he promised, stomping off with her. The local police officers gathered the one he had landed on. "Call Stark Industries and talk to Maria Hill, guys. She's the former second-in-command at SHIELD and can pull up his file." They nodded, one making that call with a picture sent. Tony stomped in.

"Dada!" Joy shrieked, running over to hug his leg. "Shiny dada!" She beamed at Buffy. "My shiny!"

"He's very shiny and I'm so happy you like shiny things, Joyceline." She patted her on the head. "Let him have the frozen pizza bad guys. Then you can have the shiny daddy." Xander strolled out to grab the kids, taking them back to the testing room. "Are any passing?"

"At least a quarter have already passed my tests, the rest we're still seeing," Xander said.

"Cool. We could use more guys." She looked at Stark. "Can't you calm him down?" she asked quietly.

He put up his face shield to stare at her. "Not like I impregnated him the usual way, Summers." She shuddered as she walked off, rubbing at her ears. Tony opened the door to the closet the kids were trying to get into. The few bad guys in there were frozen.

"The others are in the closet by the laundry room," Andrew called. "It's full but I let the kids frisk them for weapons first."

"Thanks. I want to check out that ray gun later, Andrew." He found that closet and opened it. They were haphazardly stacked in there on top of each other. The local PD guys came in to help him cart them off.

"Mr. Wells, will our usual stopper for spells work on them?" an officer called.

"No. I used my freeze ray on them. It'll wear off in twenty more minutes for the oldest ones. It's got a four hour time limit."

"Thank you, Mr. Wells." Xander leaned out. "Mr. Harris, problems?"

"We let the kids frisk them for weapons. The boys so love weapons." He grinned. "They're in the oven so no one could play with them. The slayers are afraid of the oven and the kids can't reach it yet."

"Sure, we can gather those too. Thanks, Mr. Harris." One officer went to get those weapons. It was a good sized pile in the oven. Once it was cleared out, Andrew turned on the oven to start working on dinner. They hauled the guys out to the wagon they called, letting the driving officers pack them into the back and hitch them in.

Xander strolled out, kissing one of the guards. "Hi, Bob."

"Xander," he said with a smile back.

"Why are you PD suddenly?"

"A few we wanted to talk to about the still missing embryos."

"I have them," Stark called.

"Cool, thanks, Mr. Stark." He took another kiss. "We'll be nice and deliver them safely, Xander." He cooed. "Hi, Arlin!" He picked him up to cuddle. "Such a good boy."

"They no have shinies. We checked," he said.

Bob hugged him. "That's a great idea." He kissed him on the head, handing him back to daddy. "There's at least two HYDRA agents in there."

"I know and so far they've passed all the tests. Which I'm not sure is a great thing or not. I'm trying to decide if they're making up for bad habits or if they're plants."

"I can go ask." Bob strolled in with him, going into that room. The agents all stared. He grinned. "Hi, guys. I'm sure some of you know me." He took off his hat, looking at two guys. "I know who you were. What makes you think I want you near the vulnerable little slayers that think Xander is a big brother?"

"I was blackmailed into it," one said quietly. "I haven't held up any HYDRA ideals ever, Former Agent McCarthy."

Bob smiled. "That's my brother. I'm Bob, not Simon." The agents who realized who he was moaned. He grinned at them. "Pretty sounds, guys. Thanks. We adore the slayers and I've helped Xander a number of times. Including watching them during a battle." He looked at the other one. "There's questions about you being a plant to get near the slayers or the kids."

"No, sir. I hate kids, but the job needs to be done. I may believe we need stronger higher ups because a lot of people are sheep but I'd never hurt the protectors. They need a lot of help."

"They do," Bob agreed, looking at Xander. "I can question them for you."

"If they pass the rest of the test we'll see. I will not allow anything to harm the slayers or my kids." He grinned at the room. "By the way, Jesse, hand back the shinies please." He pouted but gave them back their shiny things. Mostly knives.

"He's real good at patting people down," one of the agents said. "I kept him from my ankle holster."

Xander smiled. "He knows what not to touch on a gun already. I made sure. They help me clean mine every week." The room moaned but nodded. He looked at the HYDRA guys. "I'm still debating because of the HYDRA stuff. Frankly, I'm really tired of having to deal with HYDRA, especially since they made the kids." They both nodded they knew that. "You'll have to vow under truth spell. I'll get one of the coven to do it so it's not Willow." He kissed Bob again. "Dinner?"

"Hmm," he said, smiling at him. "Unfortunately going to Algeria to meet someone further down the continent. Next time I'm in town?"

"Sure. Let me know." He took another kiss, letting the kids hug Bob before he left. He looked at the agents, smiling. "Bob's been *very* helpful for the last few years. Once I explained why I was protecting one singular little girl in an African village from most of the rest of the village, plus explained what a slayer was, he's been *so* helpful. Including helping us find things for battles."

Buffy leaned in. "Bob's a really nice guy. He got Willow a muzzle once but he's fed a few slayers chocolate because they were pouty. We like Bob, but not his job always." She walked off again.

Xander smiled at them. "That was Buffy in case you didn't know. The oldest slayer. Yes, she wore that skirt on patrol before." A few nodded, grimacing. "I've had to help a few of the girls find reasonable patrol outfits. So will future watchers." They all nodded. "Including culturally necessary restrictions in a few cases." That got another mass nod. "So let's get back to the training section, guys." He got back to the lecture, letting the kids hand out the packets of information. They loved doing it and were almost as helpful as Bob was.

***

Xander looked up from his handing Nira a bottle of water, staring where the screaming people were running away from. "Huh," he said. "That's not good." He looked around, no obvious spots of cover or refuge within easy jogging distance in this part of the zoo. He had all the kids and two baby slayers. "This is very not good." He looked for non-traditional areas to sit and wait out the animal attack. "There," he decided, pushing the stroller that way.

He found an easy step and pushed Henry up first. "Help your siblings and the baby slayers up there. Now, Henry." Henry helped grab his siblings and the two baby slayers, then the diaper bag. Daddy shoved the stroller up then had to turn to change the load in his pistol. "Tranq darts," he muttered, then fired at the lion ranging toward him. He hopped up and pulled his feet up, arranging the kids so they weren't anywhere near the edge.

A security guard came running. "What are you doing?"

"Dude, the lion's out," he said with a point at it. "I've got tranq darts loaded and seven kids. Not like you had good shelter out here!"

The guard called that in. "We think there's only the one out."

Xander pointed. "The lion cage is fully open and there were three in there earlier. I can also see an open cage to the north of that one but behind it. Not sure what that one is."

The guard called that in, wincing as he got confirmation. "Can you sit up there?"

"For at least an hour. I've got six more tranq darts."

"Why do you have those?" the guard asked.

Xander looked. "I'm Council. Feel lucky I have something as mundane as tranquilizers."

"I can do that," he agreed, calling in that guy's position and that one lion was down.

An animal handler came jogging over. "Sir, what strength of tranq darts do you have?" he called as he checked the lion.

"I spent three years in Africa. It'll stop a lion, an elephant, or a huge demon. It has done all those." Xander waved with a grin when the guy stared at him. "Including a female lion that was probably pregnant and stayed pregnant. I can't let them have the kids. They might try to keep them. They do love animals." The baby slayers both cooed and waved at the guy. "There's seven kids with me. You guys don't have any good shelter out here to take refuge in."

"Sure," the animal handler agreed. He called that in and got that lion moved. A few more animals came closer to where Xander and the kids were.

Xander looked over, pulling the kids closer. "Look, guys. That's an Asian tiger. They're from where Shami is from." The kids all oohed at that. "Shami's oldest uncle actually got bitten by one of those. That's a female tiger," he said with a point. The boys all 'grr'd at it. Xander grinned. "Yeah, they do that." One of the tigers let out a hunting call. "Oh, try it, bitch," he called. "I doubt you'll make it." The tiger tried to leap up and got sedated. "See, told ya so." He looked at the kids, smiling down at them. "That's another lion. See all the hair? That means it's a boy lion, kids."

They oohed at that. "That's a female one," he said with a point at her. He sedated her when she tried to get to them. One of the males tried as well and got the same sort of dart. "I have two darts left. Let's hope they manage to get them soon." He looked down at the baby slayer. "I'd change that but now is not the time. Can it wait five minutes?" She pouted but nodded. "Cool." He pointed out the monkeys that had been released. One of them joined them and Xander let him have some of the snacks they had. They weren't going to be violent toward the kids. When one tried to grab Nira he swatted it and it stopped. "Thanks." They went back to explaining the animals to the kids.

More handlers came running. "Sir, what did you give the chimpanzee?" she called.

"Cotton candy and popcorn. He basically stole it from the stroller."

"That's not a male."

He shot her a dirty look. "I can see the dick sheathe. Yes it is." She groaned. "Can you maybe finish gathering the dangerous ones? One of the baby slayers needs changed. I don't want to do that when they might try to attack us."

"They should be all gotten but we'll know in about five minutes. Can she wait?"

"Definitely. She has so far." The handler nodded and called that in. Xander pointed for the monkey then tossed down an apple that had been in the diaper bag. The chimp fled down to get the treat.

"Thanks." Xander grinned back. When they got the all clear, Xander handed down the stroller. "I'll hand the kids down to you, put them in the stroller." The female handler nodded, taking the kids from him to put into the stroller. Xander came down last with the diaper bag. "Thanks for the saving. Let me go change her."

"Sir, do you know what happened?"

"I was handing over a bottle of water when screaming and running started. There's no shelter out here that might be effective, the trees are too scrawny to climb up safely, and that was the only way the kids were going to be safe without me having to harm something seriously. Prey just out of reach is watched. Prey running is pounced and eaten. I learned that in Africa."

"You've been?" she asked.

"I was the head watcher there for three years."

"Oh! That makes more sense about the tranq bullets." Xander nodded, walking the stroller off. "There's a bathroom behind the monkey cages if you want. The train's not running."

"I can get her behind a tree. They hate the train. But thanks." He smiled. "Have fun with whoever did that." She nodded, going to gather the monkeys back into their enclosures. She came out, finding him finishing up the diaper changing, then they strolled off again.

Xander answered his phone. "We're fine. We were on top of the chimp enclosure while the dangerous things were wandering through the zoo," he said in greeting.

"Zoo!" the kids squealed.

"We're in the zoo. We're going to have some cookies with Andrew, then come back to the zoo next week," he said over the squealing. "No, we're good, DiNozzo. They're all fine. The chimp really loved Nira and the baby slayers. He patted them and searched through their hair for them. And Henry's. Henry thought the monkey was cuddly." He smiled. "Here, talk to the kids. There's a zoo official." He handed the phone to Arlin. "It's your other daddy." He squealed and babbled with the other kids' helping. Xander smiled at the guy in the suit. "I didn't have a thing to do with them getting free."

"We saw on the security cameras, sir."

"Xander Harris, head watcher in the US, formerly the head watcher in Africa."

"So you knew what you were doing," he said with a smile.

"Yes, I was getting the kids out of the range of being prey."

"That's a good idea. Are they all right?"

"Yeah. They all needed a diaper change when we got down but that's about normal for kids." He shrugged. "They had a lot of fun with the chimp."

"We saw." He smiled at the kids then at him. "Tranqs?"

"I carry them usually, some silver loaded, a few holy water washed ones, and some explosive tipped. Plus a few stakes and a survival knife. It was a bad habit I learned down there."

"I can understand that. Thank you for your help."

"Not a problem. I would've went somewhere more official but there wasn't anything better out there. The trees were too scrawny to hold me, much less the kids."

"Good point. We'll look into putting in some emergency shelters. It'd help when it rains too." He shook his hand. "Going home?"

"They can come back next week, when they don't want to pet or cuddle the furry things. They all really love furry things like tigers."

"That's most reasonable. Let me make sure you get passes for entry." He made that call. "Just stop by the office on the way out." Xander shook his hand and walked off. The official called in after they had left, going to check the animals. "Did the tranqs hurt them?"

"No, it was a good dosage," one of the handlers said. "Not too strong but definitely strong enough. It was nice how the beta male chimpanzee took over nurturing roles for the kids too." She got back to work checking over the ones the staff had darted to contain. "I think ours are stronger than his were. His are starting to wake up." The other handlers got out of the way. Tigers and lions were not happy campers when they woke up from being sedated but it was something they could handle.

***

Tony DiNozzo hung up when the kids did, putting his head on the desk. He banged it a few times until someone put a stack of papers under his forehead. He looked up at Abby. "They were in the zoo when someone let the dangerous animals out. They ended up hiding on top of the chimpanzee exhibit to protect the kids. He had a few mini slayers too."

Abby smiled at him. "The kids love animals."

"They tried to keep the chimp, Abby."

"Of course they did." She hugged him then bounced off. "Tell Stark, Tony."

"I can do that. I'm sure they'll be amused." He sent an email to them then put his head back down. He had a headache. It was lion shaped.

***

In New York, Pepper looked up at the beep since she was on the couch. "What was that?"

"That was an email from NCIS," JARVIS said.

She pulled out her phone to look at it. "Oh my fucking god," she growled. "STARK!" He came up on the next elevator. She held up the phone so he could read it.

Stark looked up the footage, letting her see it. She was still growling. "At least he protected the kids and the mini slayers." The growling was still there. "He did protect them."

"Who let the animals out?" she growled.

He looked that up on the footage he hacked from the zoo, nodding. He let her see it. "We can find out who they are."

"Do. So."

Stark walked off nodding, sending out a text message to DiNozzo, Gibbs, and the whole of his team.

Natasha walked into the lab blotting her neck sweat off with a towel. "What happened?" He put up the footage. She blinked. "A simple solution, though nicely done. Tranquilizers. Hmm." Stark looked at her. "Joy isn't petting the animals."

"Good! Pepper's growling. Figure out who this is?" She took the printouts of the people. "Any idea?"

"One's SHIELD."

He blinked a few times. "Really?"

"I'll talk to someone." She walked off, downloading that footage from the lab onto her phone for Clint to see. Clint stopped boxing to stare at it, then started to glare at the phone. She held up the pictures. "They let the animals out."

"That was a bad song," he complained. "I recognize two."

"She's SHIELD."

"She's a dead woman." They went to find them to...talk to them. Before Harris did. He wouldn't save them any if he found them first. Though they debated who'd make the worst mess: Andrew or Xander.

***

"I want one really good reason why I shouldn't take the kids out of the US," Xander said as he walked into the kitchen that night after putting all the kids down.

"I'd kill your ass for custody of our daughter?" Andrew guessed.

"Beyond that. You could visit. You know I'd let you visit."

"I can't see you making DiNozzo or Stark hike for a visit either and I'd still kill you." He grinned, holding out a brownie. "Totally non poisoned chocolatey goodness?"

"Thanks." He nibbled, nodding. "I'm so damn glad I'm immune to most poisons." He walked off. Andrew groaned, doing another test on them. Sure enough, the heat of the baking had activated the poison in that brownie mix. Andrew went to snatch the brownie from Xander and toss it into the incinerator with the rest of them.

Andrew came back out to the office to stare at Xander. "Do you have a will?"

"Yup." He smiled at him. "It states that Willow and Buffy are not allowed anywhere near the kids, especially not Joy. It also states that it's up to you, Stark, and DiNozzo to split up the kids that don't have living parents left."

"That's cool. I need to make one for Nira."

"You need to make one because of all the patents and stuff you inherited from your geek buddies. Plus your comic book collection so the state doesn't sell it for taxes."

"Point." He went to write out a list of what he owned, inherited, and had created. It was a pretty long list and that was without his comic book collection's index. "Yeah, I need to do that." He sent an email out to Gunn in LA to see if he could help him with it. He had a lot of law knowledge thanks to that transfer and Wolfram and Hart being dicks to them.

"We're going to LA in two weeks for the watcher meeting over the next huge problem," Xander called. "That means Faith's in charge while we're gone."

"Fuck you!" Faith yelled from upstairs. "I'm not babysitting that long!"

"Never expect you to," Xander quipped back. "The kids would turn you into a spoiling, cuddly aunt, Faith. They're going with us. You just have to patrol and that stuff for a week."

"Fine." Her door slammed.

Xander grinned at Nira, who was on his lap refusing to sleep. "See, Auntie Faith's not mad at anyone." He got back to dealing with reports from the slayers. Someone had to do it and Giles sure wasn't. He forwarded two of them to NCIS since it dealt with human stupid people instead of demon stupid people.

***

Xander came out of the airplane's walkway, looking at the kids. Nira was on Andrew's chest in a snuggli. The other four were holding hands, with the first one holding his and the last one holding Andrew's. "Baggage is to the right and down," he told him. Andrew nodded, letting him lead the way. The kids were staring at everything in awe but were behaving. It made up for the hellions they turned into on the plane when they wouldn't nap for anything and demanded multiple stories in their loudest voices. Andrew had resorted to bribery every hour to stop it when Xander couldn't. A few of their fellow passengers glared at him but Xander stared back. They went on their way as soon as they could.

Xander got the stroller first, then the two bags they had between them. Andrew had carried on his bag of necessary things and Xander had carried on the overstuffed diaper bag with things for the kids to do. They unfolded the stroller first, letting the kids climb into their usual spots. Nira went into hers. "Rental car," Xander said, pointing the way. They loaded the bags onto the back of the stroller, making the security guards checking tags smile at them. "Sure beats flying back from Africa with them," he quipped to one. "Even if they were younger then."

"In town on business, sir?" a TSA agent asked with a smile.

"Yes, Slayer business." The guy's eyes went wide and he backed away slowly. Xander smiled. "You guys get to have a happy spring this year, only a small battle. We're working on the details now to defend your city of smog. But thanks for asking." He grinned. "C'mon, guys, let's get the minivan we rented so we can go bug the crap outta Connor and Gunn." They cheered. Andrew had the car seats shrank in his bag. The rental of the minivan went easily enough and the lady at the desk cooed over the kids, getting smiles and waves back from his heathens. Then they drove off. Of course, the kids fell asleep within minutes. Xander looked at Andrew, who smirked back. "I realized on the flight I didn't make reservations."

"We can handle that," he promised, looking up hotels near where they were going. "Two rooms?"

"Sure. You take the girls."

"That'll work for me." He found one that was almost reasonably priced and got them rooms in it for the week they'd be local. He added that they both needed a few rollaways for children. It drove the price up but they'd handle it. When they got to the new office for Connor and Gunn, Xander got out to go check in with them. Andrew looked back, smiling at Arlin. "We're nearly at the hotel. It's okay. Daddy just ran inside." Arlin grunted but shifted to get more comfortable then fell back asleep.

Xander strolled in, nodding at the woman complaining to Gunn. "We're in but wiped. Were we meeting tonight, Gunn?"

"Nope. Tomorrow. We figured you two would have jet lag."

"Us and the kids."

"Kids?" Connor asked, wrinkling his nose.

"Yeah, all five of the kids. Not like we can just leave them at home." He smiled. "So park tomorrow to meet or here?"

"Park's good," Gunn agreed. "We can have our liaison out here meet us there. I'll text about ten to give you directions?"

"Cool with me. Thanks, man." He shook their hands. "Let me get the fussy things into bed before they plot to takeover the city. They were a tiny bit grouchy on the plane." He left, going to drive them to the hotel. The clerk there cooed at the boys too. It got them a slight discount for the rollaway beds.

Gunn looked at the top female of his demon hunting gang. "That was Harris."

She winced. "He's got kids?"

"HYDRA people made him kids," Gunn said. "They had to sue them for upkeep and the like. They've got five kids between him and Andrew. They share one." Connor walked off shuddering. "I'm sure they'll behave tomorrow, Connor. They're toddlers. They barely talk and run." He looked at her again. "Harris is the guy that was training slayers in the wilds of Africa."

"Good to know. I can meet you tomorrow too. Let me know, Gunn." They shook hands and she went back to the gang's house to tell the others about who was in. They all smiled about the kids too.

***

Gunn looked behind him when something tiny pounced him. "Hi. Who're you?"

Xander strolled up with the kids in the stroller. "She had been on the playground."

"Yo, someone lost their daughter," Andrew called with a point. "She thought our friend was cute." The mothers and nannies looked then one came over to grab her. "We wouldn't mind," Andrew said with a grin and a point at the stroller. "They could use diverted while we meet."

"They're adorable but I feel sorry for you having five." She carried her daughter back to the sandbox.

Xander sat down in the entry of the little grotto. "You guys can get out but do not leave this area. Or no zoo tomorrow night." They climbed out, helping Nira out, and moved to play in the grass. Andrew blocked the rest of the opening to the small talking grotto by sitting next to Xander. "So," he said with a grin and a wave at the people staring at him. "I'm Xander, he's Andrew."

The LAPD liaison stared at the kids then at him. "You're the guy who was suing them." They both nodded. "Wow."

"Sometimes," Andrew agreed. "Jesse, no pickpocketing him for his shinies. Thank you."

"Son," Xander said with a snap. "Play with Connor. Okay?" Connor grimaced but the kids all pounced him and tried to tickle him. Xander smiled at Gunn. "Sometimes they take hints."

"That's good. Someday they'll hopefully take commands," the liaison officer said. He sat down too. So did Gunn and his second-in-command plus the female head of the gang. "Okay, what are we looking at this summer?" They spread out what they knew. "That's less than the invasion."

Xander looked then pointed. "He's fifteen feet tall. You're going to have an orange and puce teddybear looking demon stomping down the street pretending to be Godzilla. And it does like to nibble on people."

The liaison winced. "That's going to be bad. Can we block that one?"

"That's summoned, so I'm hoping so," Andrew said, blocking a kid from escaping by picking him up and turning him around to go play again. It made Henry pouty but oh well. Xander moved Joy when she flopped down on top of the papers and pouted at them. Andrew handed Nira to Arlin, who cooed at her and showed her how to pluck all the grass to throw at Joy. She was pretty good at it too. "She's got good aim," he quipped when everyone stared at him.

"She does," Xander agreed. "Definitely softball then." The others all shook their heads. Andrew knew his little girl probably wouldn't play sports.

Connor looked back at the feeling of someone trying to climb him. "I'm not a tree."

"Grr?" Jesse asked, pouting at him.

"No, he's not mad at you but don't climb people without asking them first, Jesse," Xander ordered. "That's not nice."

"Me?" Jesse asked with a grin.

Xander looked at him. "Why are you pretending to be a mimbo? You're smarter than that, son. Ask politely."

"Can I sit you?" he asked with a grin.

"Sure, you can sit with me," Connor agreed, then Jesse finished climbing up him to sit on his shoulder. "Okay."

"See things," Jesse cooed, hugging him around the head while petting his hair. He could see all sorts of things now. "Daddy, play?"

"After this meeting," Andrew ordered.

"Play now?" he asked a minute later. Xander made 'give me' motions and got handed the baby, who pouted but cuddled. "I be good."

"You try really hard," Xander promised, smiling down at him. "Nira, don't eat the grass. You don't know if there was a doggy in here watering it." She cackled and crawled off to try to get through the bushes. Joy pulled her back, making Nira squeal angrily. "No, Nira. Thank you, Joy."

"Me good." She looked at Gunn, coming over to pet him. "You nice." She hugged him then climbed into his lap to cuddle him. She smirked at her siblings. "Mine now."

Arlin huffed. "Not nice!" Joy grinned. "Grrrr!" he said, glaring at her. Xander cleared his throat and the fighting stopped. He took Joy too. Arlin pouted so Andrew took him and Nira, leaving Henry to play with whatever he was playing with.

Jesse looked up at his dad then at Connor. "Stepmom?"

"No!" Connor said, shaking his head hard. "I'm not a stepmom, kiddo. Sorry." Gunn was laughing hard at that. "Sorry, little guy, I'd never date your daddy."

"You're better than an arms dealer any day," Andrew quipped. He looked at Jesse. "Stepmoms are girls, Jesse. Connor's a boy, like you are."

"Ewww, girls," he said with a frown at his sister. "Girls nasty and mean."

"Yes they can be," Xander said, giving him a hug then them both. "Don't worry. If you're going to get a stepmom I'll introduce you to them so you get to know them first, Jesse. You'll like any stepmom I pick for you." The baby nodded, getting up to cuddle Connor again. Xander took him back. "Be nicer to Connor. He's not used to babies."

Joy got free and came over to climb Connor, she had heard people squealing and it sounded like fun. "Oooh! Need shinies! Daddy, shinies!"

Xander handed over the kids before getting up and going for whatever she had seen. "Oh, it's one of you," he said, pulling out his folding crossbow. A snap of his wrist and it was open. The kid eating demon was running but Xander shot it and killed it. "Andrew, did you bring anything to destroy the kid eater?"

"Fire potion but it's a tiny bottle," he called.

Their LAPD liaison called it in. "We handle those for you, guys." He got up to go talk to the people on the playground. "Is anyone missing a kid?"

"He was at the drooling stage," Xander said, walking back. He took his kids back with him since they had followed. "You don't need to see the dead demon that eats kids. Back to Andrew. He might have snacks!" Andrew opened a bag and suddenly had five very attentive kids staring at him. He handed out cookie bars and one to the others too. Xander sat down, smiling at Connor. "They really love shiny things. Including weapons."

"They're your kids, that makes sense," Gunn quipped back, making Xander grin. "Do they get hands on time with them?"

"We clean the weapons once a week together. Even Nira likes to help."

"She's not a baby slayer, right?" Gunn's second-in-command asked.

"No," Xander said, shaking his head. "She's mine and Andrew's little girl." He grinned. "HYDRA *really* wanted the power of weird geek with her. So we'll let her become an overlord for us or a president, one of the two."

Gunn nodded. "I'm sure she'll be a scary geek overlord too, Harris." Andrew beamed and nodded. Someone screamed. Andrew looked then got up and grabbed something, going to help while Xander corralled the kids. The screaming stopped abruptly and then there was a loud 'eww'. "Oh, hey, Sami's up."

"We're in here, Sami," Connor called.

She bounded in and paused, then hugged Xander and the babies. "I've heard about you guys. Faith bragged she actually got to sleep without one of them trying to snuggle her for storytime." Xander pointed at Henry. She flopped down, patting Nira on the back since she had startled her. "Are you okay?"

"I think she's trying to eat ants," Xander said.

"That doesn't worry you?" Connor asked.

"Connor, a fifth of the world's population eats bugs for their daily protein because that's all they can have. A few ants, as long as they're not poisonous or fire ants, won't hurt her."

"Eww," Sami complained, pulling Nira into her lap to cuddle. "You're very good at cuddling, sweetheart. Some day you'll have a nice boyfriend or someone to cuddle." Nira patted her and cooed then spotted her shiny hair thing. She stood up on her to look at it.

"Shinies," Xander warned quietly. She pulled the hair comb out for the kids to play with. "Do not bend it or hurt it any," he warned Jesse and Joy.

"Not," Joy promised. "That'd be bad." Xander nodded. She tried it in her hair and smiled. "Pretty?"

"Very pretty," Sami promised, helping her put up her hair. The boys grinned when Daddy took a picture then they got the shiny to play with the knife he had pickpocketed from Gunn's female gang head. She groaned and took it back to put into her bra strap instead.

"Sorry, they know they're not supposed to pickpocket anyone," Xander sighed.

"You've got hellish kids, but some day they'll be great at it," Gunn said, staring at them.

"I hope they find more realistic and reasonable lives than hunting. I'd hate to come back to beat them to death if they nearly die by the time they're twenty-five."

"Most parents would feel the same way," Gunn's second-in-command said. "Is this the only problem coming up?"

Sami snorted, shaking her head. "No, we have a coven."

"Is it the same one feeding on people's sanity like where Buffy is?" Andrew asked as they came back.

"No. This one's just sacrificing."

"I can trace the magical symbols, see if that helps," Andrew said. "Or Xander can bait them." Xander swatted him on the shoulder. "Hey!"

"I'm not bait."

"No, you're not." They all heard something growl as it came toward them.

"Oh, yeah, we've had a pack of hellhounds recently and they're not wanting to feed."

"That means it's a pack of females looking to mate," Andrew said. "We had one leave her pup in our garden at the Cleveland house."

Sami shook her head. "I heard." She looked at the kids. "Aren't there five?"

Xander looked then went to get Joy from the playground. "I said after we're done talking you can play. You know not to run away from me." He sat down in the opening for the grotto, letting her go play again.

"Wow," Sami said. "We thought you'd be more of a yelling dad."

"Oh, there's been days," Xander said dryly. "Did they ever figure out who let the animals out?" he asked Andrew.

"A few HYDRA goons who didn't get caught. They wanted them to eat you so they could save the kids."

"Greatness." He smiled at the LAPD officer.

"We'll make sure they don't do that here. Are you guys going to the zoo?"

"Two days," Xander said over the chanting for the zoo. "Two days," he said more loudly. They pouted but quieted down again. Xander looked up, shaking his head with a sigh. Andrew patted him on the back. "Wanna come help?"

"Not a chance. I'll have a great bubble bath without the kids trying to help," Andrew quipped.

"You mean Xander does most of the raising of the heathens?" Sami asked, looking horrified.

Xander smirked. "Andrew's busy with all the stuff he does for you girls. Running the house is more than a full time job, Sami. Just cooking for you guys takes twelve hours a day."

"Oh. I guess they'll still turn out fine. They'll have normal friends in school and stuff." Xander swatted her hard on the side of the head. "OW! Mean shit!"

"You bet since you just tried to call me an imbecile and unnatural. You're nearly as good at that as Rosenburg is."

"I didn't mean it that way, Xander. I promise I didn't." She wiggled back some. "I know you're not normal but you're not that weird. No weirder than Connor is."

"I'd be nuts with five kids," Connor said. "Xander definitely out machos me in that area." Xander smirked at him. "I also can't cook like Andrew so it's better they raise the baby slayers."

"Baby slayers would drive us nuts," Gunn said with a nod.

"Funny you should say that," Xander quipped with a grin. "The baby slayers need a safehouse in case. You're our choice." Gunn shuddered, shrinking down some.

"Because some of us are girls?" Gunn's second-in-command demanded.

"No, because I can trust you guys not to kill them for being baby slayers, not sacrifice them for it, not rape or kill them for it, unlike a lot of the girls' families overseas. I had to remove three of my girls from their villages before they got killed. Another one left because they were going to burn her as a witch and I was halfway across the continent. The guy in Asia has a few others like that. Most slayers don't come from modern city areas. They come from the backwoods areas mostly. The ones that don't get a lot of interaction with the outside world." Connor shuddered. "That's why we only trust a few people with the baby slayers. Beyond the fact that a few of the oldliners tried to kill a few of the slayers recently."

"And you," Andrew added.

"And me and the kids during the New York meeting. Then they were magicing the office in England so Giles didn't remember he had fired them for being arrested."

"How did that get solved?" the LAPD liaison asked.

"Reggie. He's a poker contact that can eat spells." Xander grinned. "He adores a few of the minis over there."

Sami curled up around her knees, shaking her head. "I'd pick Gunn's people too. They're nice people and strong enough to put up with the minis babbling about demonology lessons."

Xander shook his head. "Don't remind me. I've been letting Faith do that for them. They listen to her more often than they do me. I do big brother stuff but they only listen to me in the gym."

"They only listen to me when I have food," Andrew quipped. Xander nodded. "We have to start teaching your heathens how to eat better."

"I've been trying. They like veggies and meats. They just really adore cookies. Sometimes it's easier to bribe them for good behavior."

"True." Andrew looked at the kids, who were all staring at the cookie bag. "C'mon, guys. I can't do more than let you guys play." He stood up. "Grab hands." They did that and followed him out of the grotto to the play area. They spotted the playground and broke, running full tilt toward the fun stuff. Andrew went to help Nira play in the sand. She was too young to swing. Sami came out to help push swings and that was nice too. The kids were so spoiled.

***

Tony DiNozzo walked into the building in New York, smiling as he signed in. "Is Stark in?"

"He's not saying he is," the receptionist said with a smile. He held up his badge and ID. "Ms. Potts is in if Mr. Stark's in trouble."

"Sure, she'll work." She got him signed in up there and let him onto the proper elevator. He came off, smiling at the guards. "I'm Agent DiNozzo at NCIS. Also known as Arlin's daddy." They got out of the way. "Thanks, guys." He walked into Pepper's office, handing her the sheet. "One of Xander's former lovers decided the kids were in danger at the slayer house, mostly of turning into Buffy and/or Willow, and took them to Greece to live. He let Arlin call me to tell me I could come over there for visitation but I'd never get to see Xander again because he was going to jealously horde him. Xander's answer was muffled in the background because he was gagged. Arlin said so and told me the guy was a shithead as he put it."

Pepper blinked. "That may be why Joy called up with a threat," she admitted, paging Tony. He stomped in so she handed over the forms. "He got a call from Arlin like we got from Joy."

Tony blinked at Tony, who shrugged. "I know he's in Greece. He told me which town he was near so I could show up to visit. Xander was gagged. Arlin said so."

"Great." He looked the notes over. "Is that who the guy is?"

"Yes and he's from about an hour from there." He looked and pointed. "That's where his compound is."

"Are your people...."

"Nope. Or the FBI. They hate the Council. NCIS said it's not in our jurisdiction as he's not military."

Tony nodded. "I don't have that problem. JARVIS, get me Barton please."

Clint walked in a minute later pulling on a t-shirt. He was clearly just out of the shower with the dripping hair and drops of water on his chest. "What's up, Stark? You figure out what Joy meant?" Stark handed the paper over. "Hey, I've wanted to shoot him for years."

"He had Xander gagged, Arlin said so," Tony said.

Clint grinned. "Even better." He walked off. "Be back with the kids tomorrow, guys." He went upstairs. "Nat, Cliven has the kids," he said as he walked past the kitchen. Something in there shattered and Bucky stomped out. "He apparently dated Xander, DiNozzo said Arlin said Xander was gagged."

"Is Andrew going to rescue them?"

"I don't know," Clint admitted, calling down there. "Andrew, it's Clint. We need to know if you're going to go save Xander and the kids." He nodded, looking at Bucky. "He's got bad guys in the house who're working on the girls' training."

"Like hell."

"Find Natasha," he called after Bucky since he was stomping off. "Or go rescue the girls and I'll go after the kids." He smiled when Steve came off an elevator and Natasha came off the other one. He held up the information sheet. "Has the kids and Xander gagged. Stephano's people are at the Council house training the girls."

She looked at him. Then at Steve. "Help the slayers." She walked off. "We leave when, Barton?"

"Ten minutes?" he guessed, going to gather what he needed, including his uniform and bow.

Steve walked off with the information sheet. "Bucky, are you coming with me?"

"Yup. Sure as hell am."

"Good." They went to Cleveland together. It wasn't a long flight and the girls were happy to see them. Andrew had been locked in a vault to keep him from magicing them. Three of the minions were being eaten by someone's poker debt and the rest were in the gym hiding from the demons while working on the younger slayers' training. It wasn't that hard to free the house. One of the demons burped at them, staring at them. Steve smiled. "We're going to rescue the girls while someone rescues Xander and the kids." The demon nodded, pointing at the gym. "Thank you. Have a good meal." He walked off. This was going to be messy.

***

Natasha and Clint landed on top of the building, getting off with the sleepy Xander and the kids. They had sedative darted Xander when they freed him so he'd save them something to beat or kill. Though Joy had been happily beating on one of the head guys because she wanted her rabbit. A quick text to Steve and he promised to bring the stuffed friends up.

Clint pointed. "Your daddy's in the lab, Joy." She ran off squealing, bypassing Pepper with a pet. She squealed all the way into the lab, pouncing her father, who grabbed her to hug. The boys just huffed and went to hug Pepper. Clint carried Xander out to drop into a chair. "We sedated him so he'd save us some." He limped off.

Natasha sat down in a chair. "Steve will bring up various stuffed friends." Nira huffed off, going toward the kitchen. "Are you hungry, Nira?" She nodded, grunting and pointing. Natasha got her a pear to nibble on, cutting the pieces off when she couldn't chew on it herself. The boys stole some so she got them their own fruit. They were happy with that and climbing on their father to cuddle up to him. Pepper got some love from Nira, who made her smile.

Tony came off the elevator with Joy, who was eating his dinner for him. "Hey, guys, we managed to save you and the daddy?"

"The one who had taken him was most upset with that fact," Natasha said dryly.

"Pity," Clint agreed. He sat down next to where Xander and the kids were. Arlin patted his hair down for him. "Thanks, Arlin. I like your hair too." The boy grinned, cuddling in again. "The main house?"

"Freed. The girls decided to keep Steve and Bucky for a bit. They'll bring up stuffed animals if they haven't gotten back yet." He looked at Xander. "We can let you nap there while the kids nap in Joy's room. Wanna go nap?" he asked the group. They all shook their heads.

"If you ask of course they're going to say no," Pepper said. "It is bath time and then bedtime, guys." They pouted at her. "I know but it's getting late." She took them to give them baths with Tony's help. He was good at holding wiggling things. He had practice from his years of wiggly bimbos.

Clint made sure Xander curled up comfortably then went back to his own room.

Bruce came off the elevator, sighing in disgust at the sight of Xander. "We just rescued him and the children from being kidnaped by one of Xander's ex's, Bruce. They're with Joy and her parents." Natasha looked back at him. "We sedated Xander so he'd leave us someone to deal with."

"That's nice of him." He looked at her. "I don't want to wake him."

"I doubt you will. He lives in a house full of squealing girls."

"Good point." He went to the kitchen. Xander didn't wake up even when he turned on the tv. Just snorted and flipped in the other direction. Natasha smiled as she walked off. Tony came out a bit later, wet t-shirt from kid splashing and jeans slightly damp too. Bruce looked at him. "They all okay?"

"They're fine. Frustrated since no one's stuffed friends are up here." He looked at Xander. "We can send them home tomorrow. It might save Steve and Bucky from the slayers." He went back to his lab. The kids would sleep through the night. They were more than old enough for that. If not, they'd try to crawl in with Xander.

***

Xander made it home the next day, leaving Joy up there at Pepper's insistence. Apparently it was time for more girl lessons. Xander looked at Andrew as he led the herd of kids into the kitchen. "I need to make plans for when things go wrong and we need to quit relying on others."

Andrew looked at him. "They got mad you had to be rescued?"

"No but I'm still being picked on about it." He grimaced. "I did get given a few dirty looks about noisy kids."

"Were they being noisy?"

"I didn't think so but it was early."

Andrew nodded. "Well, Joy can visit but we don't have to." He patted Xander on the shoulder. "Unless you're going to take some money and buy a house plus a nanny...."

"I got offered a farm by Alberto but he wanted me in Canada."

"Hard to be the US's head watcher from Canada," Andrew agreed.

"Maybe I can find one locally."

"You'd still have to be here all the time to run the house and all that."

Xander nodded. "I know. So unless I live next door...."

"There's a house up the street," Andrew said with a point. He looked down at their daughter. "What?" She made begging noises. "You have to tell me what you want. I don't read minds like Xander does."

Xander looked down at her then at him. "I'm pretty sure that's a 'hug me' noise." Andrew picked her up to hug her. "You know she can't talk yet, right?"

"Soon?"

"A year," Xander said. "More than single syllable babbling."

"Great. Well, soon enough. We can work on that since you're really smart, dear." He took her to teach her the names of various stuff in the kitchen.

Xander looked down at the other three, shrugging some. "Go play?" They ran off to play in the tv room. Xander settled in to do the paperwork and figure out what he was going to do. Not like he could live on a farm in the middle of nowhere like a Weasley.

***

Xander was looking around his new house, smiling at the nice, homey touches he had put in since he had bought it six weeks ago. It almost reminded him of Joyce's old home but it had more bathrooms, bedrooms, and the laundry room was upstairs instead of in the basement, which he didn't have. The kids were squealing in their rooms but Xander had dad sense now. Something was wrong. He went up to check on them, frowning at the coughing.

"Oh, you're sick," he sighed. He picked Jesse up to cuddle, checking his forehead. "Yeah, you've got a fever too. Let's check the others." He did and Arlin was sick too. "C'mon, we'll go see the baby doctor." He got them into the stroller and out to the car, tucking them all into their car seats. He went back to close up the house for now, driving them off. The baby doctor was nearly done for the day but the nurse winced when she checked Jesse. "I'm hoping it's the flu."

"So am I." She got the head nurse out to check in the kids for the doctor, and she drew blood since it clearly wasn't the flu.

***

Xander looked at his phone then answered it. "Yeah, Andrew? No, I won't make patrol tonight. Because three of the four kids are in the hospital thanks to them having infections that none of us know where they started." Andrew spluttered. "You had Nira, not me. Sure, bring her here. It's not any more difficult than watching Henry. Yup, that hospital. Up on pediatrics. Thankfully not the ICU." He hung up, leaning on the bedrail to look across the beds. "We'll make sure your sister's okay too, guys." Henry pouted so he kissed him on the head. He went back to cuddling Joy to make her feel better. She had popped up a cough a few hours earlier and felt miserable. She had the flu on top of the infection, however it had started.

***

Two hours later Xander answered the phone. "What's wrong, Faith? Huge emergency?" he sighed. "No, I'm not at the house or on patrol. I'm in the hospital with the kids." She choked. "Yeah, they stared to do that." He hung up, looking at Henry, who was awfully sweaty, and Nira, who was sleeping curled up with Arlin. Xander pushed the nurse's button, getting one coming in. She scowled at him. He pointed at Henry. "I think he's coming down with the same whatever."

"It's not infectious from what the doctor said, Mr. Harris. Where did the little one come from?"

"She's my other one. Her other father was babysitting for a bit but had to go on patrol." She huffed. "Sorry, the Council works that way sometimes." He shrugged. "Can you check his fever?"

She did and grimaced. "Let me find a needle." She went to get one and rushed the bloodwork down. Then they admitted him too. "Any idea what caused this?" Xander shook his head. "Has there been anything that they've gotten into?"

"No. We just moved to a house up the street from the Council house. It's been too long since we were all kidnaped almost two months ago. They haven't gotten into anything weird around the Council house. Though, why not Nira?" he said, staring at her. "If I find out, I'll gladly tell everyone." She nodded, going to take notes of that. Including that there was a spare kid in there. It wasn't contagious so it shouldn't matter.

***

Xander blinked, looking at the man that walked into the hospital room. "Giles," he said with a nod, going back to staring at the kids. "They caught an infection from somewhere. All but Nira. They're not sure what caused it but it's responding to the heavy antibiotics."

"That's good. All I got was a frantic message from Faith that you haven't come home."

"I'm not going to leave the kids in here." He looked at him. "That's not what good parents do and Faith can run the house for a few days."

"True. Andrew does much of it anyway." He looked at the boys, patting Arlin's foot. "No idea what caused it?"

Xander shook his head. "No demon byproducts anywhere, no sign of someone infecting them with something, just an infection from something that doesn't look to have even scratched them."

"We have tested it against demon results?"

"Yeah, I let the lab have that book. They said it doesn't correlate to anything." He looked up again. "No one has a single clue."

"I can take Nira back to Andrew if you want."

"He's busy." He put his head back down.

"Are you sure?"

"He said he was."

"Oh. That's charming." He sighed, looking at the boys. "Are they sedated?"

"Yup. They keep coughing if they don't sleep through it."

"Hm." He patted the younger man on the back. "They'll be fine. You must trust in that."

Xander nodded. "I do. I've even asked one of the demonic healers. They said it's an infection but not one they recognize."

"Interesting. Let me go run the house for Faith and I'll tell her where the children are. You could use a break." Xander snorted. "I know but you need one."

Xander looked at him. "I've went longer without sleep. It'll be okay."

"All right. Still, try to rest a bit, all right?"

"I will sometime soon."

Giles nodded, going to the house. Faith was yelling at Andrew about something when he walked in. "Must we yell?" he demanded.

"Yes, I must!" she said. "Where's boytoy!"

"Childrens hospital." She gaped. "All but the baby is sick with some sort of unknown infection. Thankfully they're keeping them mostly asleep because it means they're not coughing." She slumped. He looked at Andrew. "He has Nira as well?"

"I'm...."

"You left him with the baby while the others are sick?" Faith demanded. "I would've babysat her most of the day, Andrew!"

"Enough yelling," Giles ordered.

"I'm not Xander! I don't know how to handle all this parenting stuff!" Andrew yelled back. "How in the hell should I know!"

"It's not rocket science," Faith said.

"Yeah, it is! I have no idea what to do with a baby that young!"

"I said enough!" Giles said. They both stared at him. "How about I watch Nira for a bit. All right?"

Andrew sighed. "I can do it."

"You're busy, I can be a vicarious grandfather," Giles noted. "So calm down and relax, Andrew. Faith, patrol?"

"We've had some. Not real great ones. There's a huge problem growing and no one seems to know what it is. It's been way too quiet and everyone's giving us weird looks when we ask why." She pushed her hair back. "Maybe B should ask, Giles."

"We'll figure it out. We always do, Faith. Why don't you go rest?" She nodded, walking off to talk to the slayers. Giles sat at the counter, staring at Andrew. "It's normal to feel overwhelmed," he said quietly. "I've never seen any parent that didn't have those days, Andrew. Nor ones where they feel that they have not a clue what they're doing. You've done an amazing job with Nira and the other four."

"That's all Xander, Giles."

"No, you've done a lot with the children. You can't discount that, Andrew."

"They only like me because I make cookies, Giles. Even Nira doesn't want to spend time with me."

"Maybe it's because you never leave the kitchen. You used to say the same thing about the younger slayers."

"I did," he agreed then sighed. "I don't know. Especially with Xander moving out on his own."

"He did?"

"He bought a house up the block so the kids would quit waking up the slayers."

"That's charming of him. I'll have to go see it to check on it for him." He patted Andrew on the hand. "The kitchen is not your sanctuary. Go play with the younger girls." Andrew pouted but went to try that. Giles looked into his office then went to play with them as well. He was a good godfather to all the younger slayers.

***

Tony hung up his phone, staring at it for a minute. Then he looked at the rest of his team. "I'm going on leave."

"No you're not! We're in the middle of a case," Gibbs ordered, glaring at him.

"My son's been in the hospital for the last week. Xander's worn himself out staying with them," he said coldly. "I'm going to Cleveland, boss." He packed up what he needed and left. It wasn't a long flight, he'd made it a few times. On the way he called Pepper's phone. "Pepper, it's Tony DiNozzo," he told her voicemail. "Did anyone tell you all the kids but Nira are in the hospital? The nurse just called me because Xander finally passed out after a week with them. Including Nira. I'm heading up there right now." He hung up. This was going to be a long week.

***

Darcy Lewis heard a phone ring and frowned, finding the phone. It wasn't hers. "Jane, is this Thor's phone?" she asked, holding it up.

"No. He's got a smartphone thanks to Stark," she said after a glance over. "That's an older Starkphone."

"Hmm." She took it out of the lab, going up to Tony's lab. Of course, he was ranting. She knocked and he glared at her through the walls. She leaned in. "This phone was left in our lab and someone tried to call it. Do you know who it belongs to so I can give it back to them?" She held it up.

He stomped over to look. "That's Pepper's."

"When was she in Jane's lab?" She shrugged. "Okay, thanks."

"She's back in Malibu."

She held up the missed call message. "Not sure if that's important. Want me to mail it?" He snatched it and walked off, putting it down onto a desk. "Okay. Thanks." She went back to Jane's lab to get back to work. Stark was in a foul mood today. It was best no one was around.

***

Tony walked into the hospital room, smiling at the nurse, who was trying to get Nira off something. "C'mere, baby girl." He clapped his hands and she squealed, pouncing him. "Good pounce, Nira. Such a good girl to help your older siblings." He cuddled her, looking at the nurse. "That one's mine," he said with a point.

"All right. Can your get the other father to go home?"

"No. He's not going to move. He's that sort of dad."

"Why no mother then?" she asked dryly.

"Ask HYDRA. They made 'em for us."

"Oh, that case." Tony nodded. "Can you at least get the non-sick one home?"

"I can try." Xander grunted. Tony stroked over his hair. "I'm here. Let me handle the kids, Xander." Xander nodded, going back to his rest. Tony smiled. "I can handle it." She nodded, leaving them alone to make notes on the chart. Tony checked Nira's diaper, taking her to change in the bathroom. Then he came out to sit on the foot of Joy's bed since all the kids had decided to drift there. "Hey, guys, let me help the daddy, okay?" he said quietly. They smiled at him. "Go back to sleep, guys. I've got it." They drifted off again, letting him annoy Nira into not fussing at the big kids. When an officer stomped in, Tony pulled out his ID case, holding it up. "It had better be *real* good."

"Someone reported Mr. Harris missing."

Tony pointed at Xander. "The kids have been in here now for a week. I just heard today."

"I'll let them know. The judge over the final judgement is missing him."

"He can keep missing him for a few more days. Or I can suggest he talk to Andrew?"

"I can tell him that. Why?" he asked with a point at the kids.

"Some sort of unknown infection," Xander mumbled, lifting his head. "Tony?"

"The nurse called. You can rest. The judge was looking for you though. Want to clean up, go handle that, then come back? I can handle the kids for now."

"Nira probably needs stuff."

"Could be but it'll be okay. I can handle it. Really." Xander nodded, going to the bathroom to clean up then going with the officer.

***

Joy started to cough so Tony got the nurse in there. "She's just started that again," he said quietly, pulling Joy closer so the nurse didn't have to move the boys.

She checked her chest, nodding. "She's getting sicker. Let me get the doctor in here to listen to her lungs." She looked at Nira. "She could probably use a whole new kit."

"I'll have Andrew bring me one. That's her other daddy but I can handle it." The nurse nodded, going to call the docs.

The doctor came in to listen, grimacing. "I'd want to do an x-ray. Where's Xander?"

"Court over their making."

"Are you her other father?"

"I can pretend pretty well but I'm Arlin's. I think I have medical power of attorney if Xander's missing if it helps."

"Not at the moment. Her biological father?"

"Stark? I can try. He hasn't answered a phone in about three days." He called up there, getting a grunt in answer. "Stark, it's me. The hospital needs permission to do a chest x-ray on Joy."

"Why does she need one?" Clint asked.

"Some sort of unknown infection. All four of the big kids have it. Xander would but the judge over the HYDRA thing sent an officer for him because he hasn't moved from this hospital room outside a half-hour for the last hearing. It's been about a week and a half for him."

"Why didn't you call us?" Clint demanded.

"I did call Pepper's phone. I called her as I was coming up, because the nurses didn't call me until Xander finally collapsed, and I called that night to update her about what happened. I got her voicemail both times."

"Shit," he said. "Okay, um.... Stark's in a foul mood again. Let me bring the phone down there. Give me a sec." You could hear him getting onto something mechanical and heading down there, then loud heavy metal music that made Tony wince. "Stark!" he yelled. "Turn it the hell down! It's an emergency!" The music cut off. "Tony's calling from the hospital. Pepper hasn't checked her voicemail since he called about the four big kids being in the hospital for an infection. The doc needs verbal permission to do an x-ray."

"Why didn't I hear about this sooner!" Stark yelled.

"Because Pepper didn't answer the phone," Tony said dryly. "I called her twice, Stark. Don't yell at me for doing that. I only heard when the nurse called because Xander had been sitting vigil and collapsed after a week of not sleeping. Right now, the judge called for him so we need verbal permission for an x-ray. She's coughing again."

"Yeah, do so. I'll be there in a bit."

"That's fine. Can you stop by the house and get another bag for Nira? The diaper bag's down to three diapers and no clean clothes."

"Just the girls got it?" Stark asked.

"No, the four big kids got it but he had Nira here too. Xander will hopefully be back soon, as long as he doesn't have to fight his way out of the courthouse."

"Yeah, I can do that. Yes, please do the x-ray. I'll want to know as soon as I get there in about three hours." He hung up but they heard him starting to rant.

Tony grinned. "Good enough?"

"Definitely. Xander's a very hands-on parent. I can see why." He took Joy, making the boys fuss. "I'm going to look at her lungs, guys. Calm down."

"I'm right here," Tony said. "I'm not moving and Daddy Xander will be back in a few minutes. Go back to sleep, guys." They cuddled him and Nira instead. The doctor took Joy off for x-rays then brought her back. "Anything good?"

"The infection's set into her lungs. We're going to have to up her antibiotics." He listened to the others' lungs, frowning at Tony when he caught his by accident. "Why does yours sound funny?"

"I had the plague a few years back," he said with a grin. "It got sent to the office."

"I can see why you only visit then. It's too dangerous." He got Arlin last, nodding. "They're clear but Joy is far from clear. Let me write that order." He went to the desk to do that. It was odd but it was clear that the fathers were involved when they could be.

***

Up in New York, Clint Barton looked around, then pointed. "Isn't that Pepper's phone?"

"She lost it in Jane's lab," Tony said, throwing it. "All right, I need to go down there."

"Sure. We can handle it without you. Go be a dad. Calm down."

"Why didn't Xander tell me?"

"Because you've been awfully bitchy about being a dad," Clint said bluntly. "Bruce scowls at the kids when they do kid things. Natasha tries but she doesn't understand kids. Pepper's basically trying but not that hard. She only likes to do the girlish things with Joy. Being a parent is a lot harder than babysitting, which is what you do with them." He stared at him. "Which is probably why the nurse had to tell DiNozzo too. Now, go." He pointed. "Call Pepper on the way."

"Yeah, I can do that." He called the airport while he packed a few things then headed out thinking about that. Tony had a nanny when he was younger. Maybe that's why he couldn't relate to what parents did. He accidentally ran into Steve and Bucky in the elevator. "Sorry, guys. Have to go to Cleveland. Joy's sick and in the hospital. Xander never told me." He pushed the button, overriding the prior button push. "I'll be back in a few days." He got off the elevator, heading toward his waiting car.

Steve and Bucky shared a look. "Okay," Steve said. "I'm hoping it's just a normal kid thing." They went up to the lounge area where Clint was watching a movie. "Any idea why she's so sick?"

"The doc needed permission to do a chest x-ray and Xander was at a hearing with the judge. DiNozzo called."

"Why did Xander call him and not Tony?" Bucky asked.

"DiNozzo got called by a nurse when Xander collapsed after a week, or so he said. He said he tried to call Pepper but she had lost her phone in Jane's lab somehow."

"Great," Steve said. "I'm hoping it's still something kid-like that they get."

"No clue," Clint admitted. "They're handling it." Steve nodded, sitting down to watch the news. Bucky sat on his free side, staring at the tv. If anything too big was happening in Cleveland, they'd start blaring it on the news. Thankfully it was strangely quiet down there.

***

Stark stomped into the hospital, handing over the bag. "Andrew's worked himself into a migraine."

"That's fine," Tony DiNozzo said quietly, looking at Nira. Then at the boys. "Joy's getting a second scan to see if it's easing. She's not coughing it up and they're worried. Xander's come back from the courthouse and went right to the gym because the HYDRA guys tried to snatch him and he's working off the anger issues he's having. One of them admitted they gassed the kids with something. He death bed confessed what it was." Stark stared at him. Tony grinned. "Nira was with Andrew that night."

"Why isn't she with him now?"

"Because Xander's more hands-on and Andrew's confused," he said bluntly. "It happens." He pointed. "There's Joy." Stark took her from the nurse. "She better?"

"Not yet. It's still clogging things up. The doctor will be back in later tonight, Agent DiNozzo. You could bring her home."

"Not likely. Her other father's worked himself into a migraine," Stark said, settling down with Joy in his lap. "Hey, it's me. It's all okay. You can cough up all that nasty stuff."

"We wish she would," the nurse said. "But if she coughs too much she'll bruise her ribs. We've been giving them a light sedative to make them more comfortable." Xander walked in, giving Tony an odd look. "The gas settled in."

"I had someone check. It's in her room's vent. There's one in the boys' room vents but it's in the hallway. Hers was directly in the vent in her room. Then the officer nicely hit the asshole for me." He looked at the boys then at her. "Any good news?"

"Not yet. You could shower."

"I took one last night."

She checked his forehead. "You're running a fever."

"I'm good. It's caffeine withdrawal." She snorted but walked off to make notes. Xander looked at Stark. "Hey."

"You should have told me. I would've been here all along."

"You don't have that sort of free time with sudden bouts of having to go save people."

Tony glared at him. "Yay. The team can do without me for a few days, Harris." Xander nodded, going to the bathroom. He looked at DiNozzo. "Your boss?"

"I called to tell him what was going on that first night. He growled a bit but I haven't heard anything since then. If I got fired, I'll find a job up here so I can be nearer to Arlin and the others. They could use all the sensible people they can get. Especially ones who don't get hurt on patrol."

Xander shrugged. "I haven't been on patrol for a while. I had the night off before they got sick." He looked at the boys then at Joy. "She's going to hurl, Stark. Coughing makes her vomit worse than koolaid did."

"That's fine. I wash." He patted her on the back, taking her to the bathroom when she started to heave. "We'll call Pepper. It wasn't nice of her to not check her email so I could be here sooner." He cuddled her until she was done, bringing her back out. "There. Want me or the boys?" She snuggled under his t-shirt and he nodded. "Sure, you can nap in there." He looked at Tony, then at Xander, who had taken Nira back. "Andrew okay?"

"A bit frustrated." Xander shrugged. "I expected to do a lot of it anyway, guys."

DiNozzo swatted him extra hard on the head. "If I had known, I would've been here sooner."

Xander nodded, looking down to fuss over the boys. "Sure, I'll call sooner next time."

"Good. Now, finish your nap," Tony ordered. "You look like shit, kid."

"Gee, thanks, Stark."

"Now," DiNozzo agreed. "We've got the boys and Joy." Xander huffed but did lay down in the comfy chair the nurses had brought him. Both Tonys smirked at each other and helped the boys get comfortable for a bit.

***

Stark called home that night. "Bruce, I need you to get into your email and tell me if that gas needs an antidote or something." He listened. "Because they dosed the kids, Bruce. They mined the house with gas grenades right before Xander moved into his new spot. The kids are all in the hospital and I need to know if they need an antidote." He was calm, he was proud of himself. "Well, if Pepper had checked her voicemail I would've been here sooner but she didn't so I wasn't. Now my daughter has pneumonia even though she's on three different strong antibiotics. The boys got a lesser dose since theirs was put outside their room in the hallway.

"No, Xander didn't call me. Apparently he thought I was a bit kid phobic because of things going on up there. So just tell me if I need an antidote, please?" he ordered. Bruce looked and told him what it was and how it reacted. "Lots of non-productive coughing, yeah. Three of them by IV. That's one. I can do that. Please. Thanks." He hung up, getting into his email to get the file Bruce sent him. He went to hand it to the nurse. "This is the gas's effects and make up if it helps."

She took it to make notes. "It might. It lists a possible treatment. We're doing two of them but a different third antibiotic." She handed it back with a smile. "Are you taking turns being the awake dad?"

"Yup, for now. It'll be okay." He went back in there. DiNozzo was asleep and Xander was once again resting his chin on the bed's railing while he stared at the kids while they slept. "Doesn't that hurt your back?"

"Nope. I get up every now and then for bathroom breaks," Xander said quietly. "Anything good?"

"The suggested treatment has two of the three antibiotics."

"That's good. Thanks."

"Welcome. Next time, call me sooner?"

Xander looked at him. "If there's a next time I'll become the evil that the world will hate." Stark smirked at him. "I will. I'll be fucking damned and they'll all die." He put his head back down. "Hey, DiNozzo, I can hear bitching in your boss's yelling range."

Stark looked out into the hallway then nodded. "It is your director."

Tony sat up, pushing his hair back into some order as the director came in. "It's my nap turn, Director. Is there a problem?"

"Why are you up here?"

"Because my kid's so sick he's on three antibiotics," he said bluntly. "One of them has pneumonia. I would've come up sooner but Xander didn't call because he knew people would bitch about me missing work." He stared at her. "You can fire me for all I give a damn. I'm not leaving their bedside until they're all better. That's what being a parent means."

The director stared at him. "Gibbs is growling and it's your job to filter him."

"No, it's Gibbs' job to filter himself. I'm just his senior agent, not his shoulder angel."

"He'd like you back soon."

"I'd like for the kids not to need three antibiotics thanks to the remaining few people who decided the kids were wrong for being born so they planted gas grenades in their house." She winced. "Frankly, I'll get mine first. Long before I make it back to DC. Even if I have to go shoot them all."

"Fine. How much longer are you expecting to need off?"

"Maybe another two weeks," Xander said, looking up at her. "They're about halfway better and it's been two weeks. So probably three at the most."

"Do we know who did this?" she asked.

"Yup, and if I find the fuckers they'll be dead." He stared at her. "I have no problem treating them like a demon lord I've got to take down." She shuddered, stepping back. "Have a great trip back to DC, ma'am. I'm sure Tony will call when the kids are getting better." She snorted but left. He looked at Tony. "If you need a new job, the PD is actively hiring detectives because half of theirs got caught."

"I saw that in the paper. We'll see." He patted him on the arm. "Arlin and the others asleep again?" Xander nodded. "Good. You should rest too."

"I'm good. I can go all week without sleep. Yay, apocalypse battle training," he said blandly, then put his chin back on the bed railing. "Nap, guys. I've got it." They shared a look but DiNozzo went back to his nap while Stark stayed up to help Xander with things like diaper changes.

***

Pepper stormed into the tower. "Where's Tony this time?" she demanded.

"In Cleveland, with the kid that's sick," Steve said. "Apparently some idiots decided the kids were a bad omen or something and tried to gas them." He sipped his coffee. "DiNozzo called your voicemail twice, Pepper."

She gaped then stomped a foot. "I lost my phone."

"Darcy found it in the lab." He put his cup aside. "Xander wasn't going to tell anyone because some people aren't comfy around kids up here. Then he collapsed after a week straight of staring at the kids so the nurses called DiNozzo and he called your voicemail."

"I..." She huffed. "Are they going to be okay?"

"As far as we've heard, yup." He nodded, smiling some at her. "Stark called last night to tell me it was going to at least be another week. Joy's pneumonia is getting better but she's still coughing."

"She has pneumonia?" Pepper asked, sitting down on the couch. "Is she okay?"

"Getting there. Pneumonia's not fun but they've got her on some good antibiotics. Really strong stuff from what Tony said. He was reading to Nira before he thought to call."

"If I find the agents that did that, they're going to be dead," Bucky said, coming out of the bathroom to join them. "Very incredibly dead." Pepper gave him an odd look. "They grow on you."

"They do," she agreed, then sighed. "Do we know who gassed them?"

"Some agents," Steve said. "He asked Natasha to look into it so he had a target." He called her. "Pepper just found out. Any idea on those agents who did it?" He sat up straighter, growling some. "Really?" He nodded once. "No, I think we can help by gathering them for the parents. The guys have got to be exhausted with sleeping in the hospital and taking care of Nira. Yup, she is. Thanks, Natasha. Give me the stuff to hunt them down. Bucky and I will both help." He smiled. "As Bucky said, they grow on you. Yup, we're helping." He hung up. "Two were SHIELD. She's still looking up the last guy."

"As Lewis said: fuck that shit," Bucky growled. "Which ones?"

"She's bringing us a list."

"Good." He finished his coffee and went to get dressed, coming out in his tactical gear when Natasha walked into the lounge. "So? How many?"

She smirked meanly. "Six, three of which were SHIELD. That's where they got the gas grenades from. Two of the other three have been eaten by something in Cleveland and the other is a politician."

Bucky took the list, walking off reading it. "I call Derringer."

"We can surgically strike the new SHIELD to gather them all at once," Natasha reminded him.

"Wonderful." Bucky grinned. "Coming?" She nodded, following him with Steve following her. "Shield, Steve?"

"This isn't about the US," he said. "I don't need it."

"Bring them back here first so I can hit them too," Pepper ordered.

"If we can," Bucky agreed.

"We need to get there first anyway. Harris won't save us any to beat," Natasha said.

"Where's Barton?" Steve asked.

"Going to recon the site for us." She smiled. "He insisted."

"I like that about Clint." They got off and headed for an SUV. The drive to the new SHIELD base wasn't that long. It was a few miles out of town. Clint reported he was in position, where the three agents were, and that they were plotting over crappy sandwiches for lunch.

Natasha got out as soon as Steve had stopped the SUV. Steve and Bucky got out, Bucky right behind Steve's right shoulder as they walked in. Natasha gassed the first agent that got in their way. A few others rushed out so the boys hit them for her. She got another one down and knocked out then headed for the caf by Clint's directions. The boys walked in first, heading right for the right table.

Steve stared at them. "We need to talk, boys."

"Who're you?" one sneered, then stood up, eyes wide. "Rogers."

"Yup, it's him," Bucky said, staring at them. "And me, and Natasha." He smiled. "Let's go chat."

Coulson stomped in. "Captain, I'd like an explanation before I need a mop."

"These three and a few others decided to gas bomb Xander Harris' new home, in the kids' rooms. They're still in the hospital fighting off the infection and pneumonia," Natasha said. "We are not pleased."

"We have proof?" Coulson asked. She handed over what she had found through hacking the PD in Cleveland. "The other three?"

"Two were eaten. One's a politician."

Coulson nodded, handing the papers back. "Anyone who harms babies that way deserves whatever you three decide to do to them."

Steve smiled. "We've been ordered to let Pepper have them for a few minutes before we bring them to the very mad fathers."

Coulson shuddered. "Agreed. I'll process their dismissal paperwork for being failed humans." He walked off. "No, Skye."

"I wanted to watch. They're better at hand-to-hand than Melinda is," she said with a grin and a wave. "They have a hacker buddy in the labs but she wanted to experiment on the kids. I kindly locked her in a biological disease safe. I'm hoping she died in there."

"We'll gladly take her too," Bucky said. "Even if she's sick."

"Sure. I can show you where she is." She led him to the safe, then smiled at him. "Are you better?"

"Mostly."

"Good. Can't ever have too many good guys." She opened the safe, letting him pull her out. She was sobbing and gasping for fresh air. "You have fun with her."

"Thanks." He hauled her off to the SUV. The others were crushed in the back but unconscious. He got in to drive while Steve watched their prisoners. Natasha was doing her nails next to Clint, who was checking his arrows.

***

Gibbs shows up the day the kids are getting out, staring at the happy, bouncy kids on the bed then at the three tired fathers. "Everyone good?" he asked from the doorway. Tony flinched but Stark was jumpy that way.

DiNozzo looked at him. "They're better. They still have some antibiotics to take at home but at least the house has been cleaned and it's safe again." Xander nodded through a yawn. Tony looked over then took Nira, putting her onto the bed. The four older ones cooed over her and played with her. "So, boss, it'll probably be a few days yet."

"You need to catch up on your sleep anyway, DiNozzo. I know you haven't been sleeping right. None of you have, it's what parents do." Tony stared at him. "The director put you on unpaid family leave."

"I'll thank her when I get back."

"Good. Fornell's team wanted to know who did this."

Tony Stark smiled. "Ask my teammates. They had a talk with them then nicely brought them down here so we could talk with them too."

"I doubt anyone's going to say that's a bad idea," Gibbs said. "But they'd like to arrest them so they can suffer for years yet."

"Gotta ask Steve where he planted 'em," Xander said. "I haven't really left here outside the two calls to court."

"I wouldn't have even went to those but I know it was important, kid. Calm down. I'll even drive you home."

"We won't all fit in the minivan, boss," Tony said. "I rented a car."

"Me too," Stark agreed. "I can take two of them with me."

"The mini van fits them all," Xander said.

Stark leaned up then smacked Xander on the head. "I'm a dad too, Harris, and I'm taking some time with the kids." He leaned back. "I'll talk to Andrew again too." He smiled at Nira when she crawled over to leap at him. "Nice jump." She cooed, patting his hair. "Some day you'll do great with hair things, Nira." She grinned and waved at her daddy.

"You're so goofy," Xander said, taking her. Tony stole her from him, putting her on his lap. "I..."

"Like Stark, I'm going to be doing more daddy things," DiNozzo said. "I'm a stepdad to the others anyway. They need more common sense before they go out hunting in booty shorts, a tank top, and sneakers in forty degree weather."

Gibbs shook his head. "I don't even want to know. I'll follow you guys back to the house."

"We're waiting on final clearance," Xander said. "But I live three houses to the west of the Council's house."

"That's fine. I'll go talk to Andrew." He left, going to do that. Something was clearly wrong since usually Andrew clung to Nira like glue.

"Hoppity?" Joy asked, staring at her father.

"At home. Uncle Steve made sure she's on your bed, Joy." She grinned.

"Unclie Shiny?" Jesse asked, leaning on his sister's head. She shoved him off with a scowl. "You comfy. Hush." The daddy was trying not to smile at that.

"I'm not sure where Uncle Shiny is," Tony admitted. "We'll have to see." Jesse nodded, humming as he plucked at his sister's hair. "Are you being a monkey?"

Jesse grinned. "Needs brushed. Has knots." He went back to picking at it, even if Joy was trying to get him out of it by air swatting at him. She finally turned around and smacked him loud enough it brought the nurse jogging in. "Hey!" he complained, starting to sniffle.

"You not a brush!" she said, scowling at him. "Leave my hair alone! Pepper be very mad!"

Xander cleared his throat. "Do not hit your brother," Xander said. "Jesse, quit irritating your sister. We're on the way home and I don't want to have to yell. Got it?" They pouted but nodded, going to sit on one of the other two fathers for now. Jesse got to Tony first so he got the shiny loving one. Joy snuggled into DiNozzo's chest, not looking at her father cuddling her brother. "No pouting. Any daddy can hug any kid, Joy."

"Yes, Daddy," she huffed. She pouted at the nurse. "Go home now? We might have cookies."

"Cookies?" Arlin asked, raising his head. "We need cookies."

"We can pause at the store on the way home," DiNozzo said. "I doubt there's any food in the house."

"Natasha said she stocked," Stark said.

"Cool." They smiled at the nurse, who got the papers for them. The kids got carried out and to the minivan. The daddies followed with a pause for cookies, diapers, and laundry detergent since Xander had texted he was out.

***

The kids ran up the stairs. They had barely gotten to see their rooms before they went to the hospital. Xander flopped down on his old, ratty couch, listening to the kids figure things out. At the first 'grr' he sighed, starting to get up.

"Daddy! My room's pink!" Joy called. "Someone did something bad!"

He got up to go look in there. "Wow, someone decorated for you guys." He looked down at her. "You like pink."

"I do," she said, looking around. "Why?" she asked, pointing at the bed.

"It's a princess bed."

"I a princess?"

"Ask your other daddy that when he gets here in a few minutes." She grabbed Hoppity to cuddle, looking at all her new stuff. Her books were on shelves and her toys were in boxes for some reason. Even her shoes were lined up. Xander checked on the other boys. Their rooms had been decorated too, based on their stuffed animals. He came down when he heard Stark come in, staring at him. "Thank whoever paints?" he said quietly.

"I can do that." He looked down at his bouncy daughter, smiling at her. "You sure are a princess, dear. I'm a prince so that makes you a princess." She laughed, pulling him up to her room to see. Arlin did the same thing to Tony. Xander took the cookies to the kitchen to put out a few for each kid. They didn't need the entire bag of chocolate chip cookies. He checked the kitchen, nodding at things. It was well stocked. Someone had done a great job.

He brought the plate of cookies upstairs, watching Stark film Joy babbling about her room while bouncing around it. Joy spotted him, squealing and rushing over to steal her cookies. Xander handed her a few. The boys came out to get theirs and Nira got one too. Then they went back to playing with their new stuff. They had toys they hadn't seen before. They had lots of books. They had daddies who'd sit and play with them or read to them all they wanted. It was a great day since they were out of the stinky place.

All in all it was a pretty good day to be a mini Harris or Stark or DiNozzo.

The End.

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