Clint showed up that night, staring at James, who was nibbling on a sandwich. "I'll show you where he orders groceries from," he said. "Xander won't go to the store for a few days to keep down anyone trying to get him for that." He found Xander's laptop, getting into that website. He texted Natasha to help him with whoever was trying to hack that laptop. Natasha showed up ten minutes later because she had been on her way there anyway.
"How do you handle battles like that with a sword?" James asked. "Using a gun wore me out."
"So did the one we had in New York," Clint said. Natasha took the laptop, adding to the grocery order then fighting the hacking. They were sorry quickly enough. Skye especially since she ruined her computer on her. Then she sent the order, paying for it from her own card since she'd be eating a lot of it. Clint grinned at her. "Thanks, Nat."
"Welcome. He does need to eat. He's been losing weight." She looked at James. "So do you."
"I've been eating."
"Clearly not enough. We will work up to it. There's ways of increasing calories and protein without adding more bulk." She got up to get the door since someone rang the bell. She signed the slip and took the box of groceries. "Thank you." She walked off, taking them to the kitchen. James came in to put things in their right spots while she made the three of them dinner. Xander was still asleep upstairs and he wouldn't mind unless they didn't save him something. She put a portion aside to be warmed up for him then the rest of them ate the nice stir fry with egg noodles. When Xander came down the stairs scowling she cleared her throat. "Yours is on the second shelf of the refrigerator and needs rewarmed," she said quietly.
Xander grinned at her. "You're nearly as neat as a non-nagging slayer." He went to warm up his dinner and came back out to eat it. "Thank you."
"You're welcome. You're losing weight," she said. She finished hers and took Clint's plate from him. James handed over his too.
"I'll wash later," Clint said. He looked at Xander. "You feel better?"
"Yeah. Came home to an ambush of Coulson and what's-his-name from the other version of SHIELD." He grimaced before stuffing his mouth.
"I'm guessing that's why Bobbi wanted me to go with her later," Clint said dryly.
"I suggested she could be their information source without them having to go through me."
"Then I definitely need to watch her back before they decide she's a good toy."
"You'll probably have help from Mack," James said. "He's been working with her a lot recently."
"That's fine." He got up to hit the bathroom then left to back up his ex-wife. He was sitting at a poker table when she and Mack showed up. He watched them deny Mack entrance.
"Why? Because I'm black?" he demanded sarcastically.
"We don't know of you, human," the bouncer said. "We don't let in trouble." He glared back at Clint, who grinned but got back to his hand of cards.
"He's my partner," Bobbi said.
"You vouch for your mate?" the bouncer asked.
"My *work* partner. We're here to ask someone to please share some information with us," she said, smiling at him. "He won't cause a problem. I'd have Xander hurt him if he did."
"The Knight could," he agreed. "He's probably mean right now too after the battle earlier." He let them in. Bobbi stared at Clint then rolled her eyes but moved past him. The bouncer smirked at Clint, who shrugged back.
Bobbi settled on a bench near a poker table. "My boss wanted me to ask if you would share information on HYDRA. We're trying to take them down and we've heard they're coming after your peoples so you've been keeping track better than we could."
One of the mafia guys smirked at her. "We usually ask for payment for information."
"I'd probably let you grope but you're dangerous," she quipped back with a grin.
"Yes I am," he agreed smugly. "I'll ask the bosses." He called one as he walked off. Then he came back. "You brought extra backup?"
"I did not know that my ex-husband was going to be here," she said.
"Coulson texted me from your number," Clint said. "Plus it's helping me calm down after the battle earlier." He laid down his cards, losing that hand. Fortunately he was playing for cash instead of favors, cats, or weapons. "Stark wanted me to ask if anyone knew anything about his weapons staying around down here. He didn't care if it was for a just war, but down here bothers him."
"The last of his are off-world as far as I know," the dealer said, looking at one demon. Who shrugged.
"Stark found out Xander had confiscated stuff from that guy Max," Clint told him. "It freaked Stark out a bit."
The demonic arms dealer nodded. "There's a few left in some military hands, and one not good hands, but otherwise they're all off-world and most of them did go to the just side of those wars. One's not but it's hidden."
"Stark might tell someone how to disable it so it's not used on the helpless," Clint said, looking at him.
"That would put me in an uncomfortable position." Clint nodded he understood that. "But I will note that he is worried about such. Would he pay a reward?"
"You'd have to ask him. That may depend on what it is and how bad it could be. And what Pepper tells him."
"Even men like you are dragged by your man parts thanks to women," the demon arms dealer quipped. "As are we."
"It's always better when the pretty, soft, nice ones are happy with you instead of making them pick up weapons to kill you with," Clint agreed. The others around him nodded they agreed. "Now if only we could find Xander someone nice. A lot of his clients would like that."
"Is he not seeing the one that lives with him?" the dealer asked, dealing the round of cards.
"No. That's James and he's still healing from HYDRA," Clint said, staring at him. "They did evil things to him. Including that arm."
"They have others they try it on," the demonic arms dealer said. Mack looked over at him. "They won't be able to take over humanity if they're not stronger than those they want to suppress. We would've told the Knight but it would've killed him to go release them and we all know he wouldn't trust others with important things."
"I'd gladly go release them for him," Bobbi said.
"Me too," Clint agreed. "HYDRA shouldn't be doing evil things like torture and reformatting people."
"If they want good results and humanity to cooperate with them taking over, they'd probably better stop that anyway. Their groups won't help them if they find out," Mack said.
"Probably true," the demonic mafia guy said as he came back. "Though none of us want them back."
"Me either," Mack agreed. "They're worse than the original group that spawned them."
"Yes they are." He smiled at Bobbi. "Pretty One, my boss will come talk to you. We don't want to have to tangle with those sorts either."
"Thank you." She smiled at him. "I can sit here and look like someone's lucky token." He laughed, but sat down to play again. "Have you been told about Xander's visions for the next battle?"
"Was it earlier?" one of the lower demons asked.
"Twenty-six weeks," Clint said dryly. "In Detroit."
A few of the higher demons moaned, shaking their heads. "That will cause problems," one agreed.
Bobbi grinned. "Xander talked to both versions of SHIELD trying to restart and told them to grow up if they wanted to deal with being SHIELD." A few of them laughed, including Clint. "Apparently there was a talk about those who should be protecting humanity." She crossed her legs.
"Yes there are," one of the other dealers agreed, rolling his eye stalks up then back on his cards. "Both groups have too many that would hate us for being from somewhere else as well."
"We don't like those sort either," Mack said. "Including the few science members who are going that way. We've had talks about them being bad for SHIELD and humanity."
"Yes they would be," Clint agreed. "Because then Xander would have to step in like Andrew does." He nodded with a grin. "And he'd be a lot less nice than he has been recently to Skye." He looked at them. "Has she gotten help?"
"Someone from her father's people has shown up," Mack said. Clint grimaced. "They'd know how to help her."
"I'd hope so since she nearly collapsed a children's hospital," Clint said.
"Xander handed her papers to change her name to Rosenburg," Bobbi quipped with a grin for him. Clint and a few others burst out laughing. "He chewed on her about it."
"He would know after watching the Red Witch," the demonic mafia guy agreed, still smiling when his boss stomped in. "The Knight took on the new Inhuman that is screwing up by suggesting she change her name to Rosenburg," he said at the glare he got.
"She could use it. Before she ruins whole areas." He looked at Bobbi. "Why send you?"
"Both of the groups trust me. Xander suggested me as well so they didn't have to keep annoying him about his weapons."
The demon smiled. "That is wise of the Knight. Plus keeping his temper. It does not come out often but when it does it's very bad for everyone." He helped her up. "Come, we will talk at the bar." He led her and Mack off.
Clint was still playing cards. A few of the demons looked at him. "If Bobbi needs my help, she'll tell me by killing someone," he quipped. "She's very well trained. That's what drew me to her. Her other ex-husband too probably."
Bobbi snorted, kissing him on the head. "You're sweet but goofy." She went back to their talk.
Clint took the listening/tracking device from his hair, tucking it into his pocket for now. "Natasha could use that later." The demons smiled at him.
***
Bobbi, Mack, and Clint made it back to the meeting spot. Clint sat down next to Stark, handing him a folded note. "Two militaries down here still have stuff of yours. Six off-world battles. One's not the good side. I told them if they asked you could probably tell them how to disarm it. One demonic arms dealer asked if you'd give rewards if he found some for sale. I told him to ask."
"Thank you," he said, looking it over before tucking it into his jeans pocket. "So?"
Bobbi looked at him. "Why are you here?"
"Because this concerns us more than you," Stark said dryly. "They've tried to take us out of the tower at least once to test us all. I'll be damned, Morse." She huffed.
"Stark's right, it does concern them as we'd have to get their help," Coulson said. The other one scowled. Coulson looked at him. "It's not like we'd be able to fight against some other super soldier they've made."
"Xander's helping him heal a lot," Stark said.
"A few of the demons at the poker hall thought they were together," Clint said. "I had to bust that idea."
The other director stared at him. "Why?"
"Because it's not true. Xander wouldn't care but his professional reputation would be hurt," Clint said firmly, staring at him. "Beyond that, James doesn't need that rumor being started either. He's still working on healing."
"We can help him with that," that director said.
"And he'll kill you all for trying to use him like HYDRA had," Stark said impatiently. "James has the right to make his own decisions. Even the Joint Chiefs saw that." He looked at Bobbi, smiling at her. "So, bad news? Good news?"
"Lots of good news, including things we didn't know," she said, settling at the table with Mack beside her to help her. She handed over the notes she had made. Mack handed over his. "They are trying to make more specialty soldier/weapons. We have where they're keeping three of them." Coulson nodded, taking it to look at. She put a hand on them to stop him. "They also noted that both attempts to restart SHIELD have the same sort of scientists." She looked at them both. "They're not real easy on that stuff, Directors." Stark grinned. "You knew?"
"Yeah. Skye had a few run-ins with people who sneered at her like she was evil for existing. She talked to Steve about it since she saw him getting it from someone." He waved a hand at the other version of SHIELD's director. "No one deserves that."
"No, they don't," Mack agreed. "Or the demonic community. By the way, we spilled about the upcoming thing in Detroit. They're really mad."
"It could easily get the communities there attacked," Clint agreed. "They'll call Xander tomorrow. They won't bother him right after a battle. He's a bit grumpy."
"We noticed," Coulson said sarcastically. "Thankfully I can't find anything that says he sent the succuba at me."
"Hermanda," Bobbi quipped with a grin. She looked at Clint. "I heard one wanted to court you."
"I'm fabulous but I require more than sex from an incubus. I require wooing and talking to. I told him that when Xander called him to ask him for me. He said he wanted me to join their side." He gave her a smug look.
"You'd be horrible as an incubus," Bobbi said dryly.
"Harris did confiscate their drug to help turn people," Stark quipped.
"I'd never take it, Stark. I'd have to stay on top," Barton joked back with an evil smirk. "You think you want to join their party? It does look like fun."
"I grew out of that sort of fun at least three years ago," he joked back.
Coulson shook his head. "We'd have to make sure neither of you turned. I can't imagine what the incubi would do with a technological genius."
"There's machines for that," Stark said.
"They eat sex hormones and feelings," Bobbi said dryly but smiling at him. "Those machines would just make them more hungry." She looked at her ex. "You'd be horrible and a lot of stronger women would have to hide from you."
"They can eat without killing," he quipped.
"True, but still mean."
"People," Coulson ordered.
The other director stared at Coulson. "How do you put up with that?"
"That's why I was their handler for years and Fury's extra hand," he said dryly. He looked over the information, handing it to the other one as he read. "That's much we didn't know."
"I knew some of it," he said.
Stark looked at him. "Fast, important disclaimer. The Avengers won't work for you. We might show up for huge things, but we don't know you and all of us have trust issues. Especially since you wanted to hand Bruce to someone." The man glared at him.
Clint nodded. "Ditto. Not that I'm working for Coulson but I'm not working for your group. Natasha said she didn't trust you and we'd never do the job for anyone we couldn't trust. Fury broke it too many times. Coulson was the only reason we stayed in SHIELD for as long as we did."
"I'm not sure you should be on field missions anyway, Agent Barton. You did attack us."
"I was under mind control," Clint shot back, glaring at him. "I'd like to see what you'd do under Loki's control."
"I wouldn't have. I would've ended myself."
"We can prove that," Stark offered. "HYDRA has Loki's scepter."
Coulson winced. "I'd rather we didn't. That is officially evil." He looked at Clint. "I have no doubt you've healed from all that. Your official evaluation was spot on and actually praised you for healing some prior attitude issues." Clint sneered at him. "Just reporting on what they said."
"You were in fuck-off land, so you don't get a vote," Stark said. "You broke their trust too, Agent. None of us trust you not to turn into Fury. All you need is Harris' eyepatch and a cigar."
"That is not what I meant, Mr. Stark," Coulson said.
"Yet it's what you said," he shot back.
"I can fight my own battles," Clint said quietly. Stark waved a hand. He stared at Coulson. "Unfortunately, there's nothing you can say to repair that damage you caused. Fury's going to be shot when we see him. Hermanda said the same thing and you know your rookie agent you were just starting in the field is rabid. Frankly, I'm shocked he's survived this long, or you. With the way you broke all possible attachments we might've had to SHIELD, or your present group, I doubt you should even ask us to help for bigger things. Thankfully Natasha and I have ethics." He gave him a pointed look. "She won't say it but you've done fucked up with us. There's no healing from this."
Phil sighed but nodded. "Not the place for this talk but thank you for that honesty. I thought he would have told you, Clint. Or you would've heard somehow."
"No. He hid it on purpose from us."
"Maybe Director Fury doubted your allegiance to SHIELD," the other director said.
Clint stared at him. "Shut up before I sink an arrow into your skull. There's a reason you failed at being a handler. I'm not even sure how you managed to gain control of your group since you're such a failure at command and generating loyalty. Frankly, most of the agents would follow Coulson if he hadn't made that fatal flaw with Fury's help. You...most of us don't trust you to guide us to wipe our asses or noses. I'd be real shocked if any agents with you were actually loyal and not HYDRA or some other group." He looked at Coulson again. "The Avengers are not SHIELD's toy."
"No, we're not," Stark agreed. "We have to be allies, we don't have to be friends. Some of your people I could see helping with things, but a lot....no."
"I understand," Coulson agreed. "The Avengers Initiative was officially ended by SHIELD after Manhattan anyway so you've been your own group for a while now, Mr. Stark. I will accept your offer to be allies for major problems." He looked at him. "We have to make new alliances with people that before might have not been friendly." He smiled at him. "You were never really part of SHIELD but an important member of the Avengers. I welcome working with you and your team for major problems. Including possibly parts of HYDRA?"
"Parts," Stark agreed. "Rogers is foaming that they're back."
"Barnes is ready to kill them all," Clint said.
"I'd more than welcome the help taking down their bases. The rest of General Talbot's people are still causing some problem as well."
"Yeah, one tried to capture Natasha," Clint said dryly, smirking at him. "Pity."
Coulson let out a tiny shudder. "Is she all right?"
"She used Xander's entryway."
"Then at least she got some calming down time afterward. Xander has been good to help many agents. I know he understands some of the worst things you've seen. His dossier is fairly scary actually."
Clint nodded. "Because the slayers all thought he was normal."
"I don't," Coulson said with a slight smile. "I've learned better. If even half the things attributed to him are true, he's too much like some of the more wild agents we used to have within SHIELD." He tapped the papers together. "I'll be asking him for an alliance as well for larger demonic and problematic things. I'm sure he would've been at Manhattan if he had been nearby."
"Two slayers were," Stark said. "I reviewed the footage. Three were in London during the convergence. One got lost through the portals but I think she's probably on Asgard. I'm going to ask Thor when I see him."
"We'd like to make sure we have a peace treaty with them as well," Coulson said.
"I'm pretty sure Asgard thinks we're backwards little rednecks," Stark shot back with an evil looking smirk.
"Quite possibly. They are ahead technologically. Have you talked to Dr. Foster?"
"Yeah. She's good and coming to New York soon."
"Good. Isn't Thor with her?"
"He's off talking to some warriors that got stranded down here on earlier quests," Clint said.
"Also good to know. Are they going to help battles?" Stark shrugged. "If so, let us know if you need help getting them what they need to train with."
"Yup."
"Thank you. Now, let's make a priority list for the HYDRA bases remaining."
"We need to get the weapons," Natasha said as she walked in, handing over a note. "The ones Talbot's people stole from HYDRA and the ones that HYDRA had when they took down the various facilities."
"There's more than that they found," Coulson said. "We had one captive that was surrounded by a gravity defying substance. Grant Ward showed them to him."
She winced. "I heard." He nodded once. "He's in storage in Albania. Soon moving to Latvia."
"That's excellent to know," the other director said. "Where to, Agent Romanoff?"
She stared at him. "I do not like that you have the same sort of people that trained me," she said bluntly. He winced. She looked at Coulson again, seeing the frown. "Xander heard." She walked off. Clint started to shift. "Stay." He settled in again. She went back to Xander's place.
Stark looked at Clint. "You make a good dog."
"Sometimes," Clint agreed, smirking a tiny bit. "I know not to argue with Natasha. It gets people hurt."
Bobbi nodded. "Yes it does. I'd rather not see that again." Mack looked at her oddly. "You'd have to have seen it. A rookie agent tried to grope her during sparring."
Clint grinned. "That wasn't the worst. The next trainee class, someone tried to give her an order as he was a male agent and she wasn't. The infirmary patched him up enough for life flight and sent a note about what had happened. I'm told that ICU trip lasted for nearly six weeks."
"Five," Coulson corrected then sighed. "I have no idea how she opened his chest cavity that way during the fight and managed to arrange his intestines with her kick."
"I don't need to know," Stark said.
"It was a fight shown to many rookie classes after that," Bobbi said with a smile for him. "Just so they knew not to do it ever again."
"Natasha had been in such a good mood that day too," Clint said, shaking his head.
"I never heard such information," the other director snorted, glaring at them.
"That just proves you were out of touch," Stark said, hacking into the files that had been put online. He showed him it. "It was part of the data dump." The man was glaring at him. "Not my doing but she is a thing of beauty while fighting."
"I thought you had Ms. Potts as your ...assistant," that man said.
Tony gave him a dirty look. "I'd never date Natasha. She's too hard for me. She's also very good at helping some of the people in the group with their malfunctions. She's a teammate, not a sex toy for the group. Frankly, she'd probably collar us on the floor at her ankles if we even thought about it."
"She has been helping Bruce with some of his issues," Clint said with a nod. "She's a good friend to have if she likes and trusts you."
Stark nodded. "I can see why. Did she really nag Harris about eating?"
Clint smiled and nodded. "And James."
"Wonderful of her." He looked at the notes again, making notes of his own on his phone. He got a text message from Steve, showing that to them. Then one from Xander, who sent in where some of the weapons were. "That's really handy too." He looked at Clint.
"We've all cleared out for the night. Xander has a date tonight."
"That's nice," Stark agreed. "Someone decent?"
"Not really. That's why we all cleared out for the night."
"That makes sense."
The other director rolled his eyes. "How do you people get anything done?"
"We've gotten everything done," Bobbi said. "Just because you haven't...." She looked at Mack. "Burger?"
"Burger," he agreed. "Um, Barton?"
"She's not mine. If she wants to feed you burgers and make you watch kung fu movies with her, go for it. I only want her happy." He stared at Mack. "I'll only interrupt if she's not happy."
"Thanks, man." They left after she scowled at her ex-husband.
The other director huffed off. Stark patted Clint on the arm before leaving. Coulson looked at him. "I remember right after the divorce," he said quietly.
"You're still a ghoul," he said bluntly, standing up.
"I'm alive, Clint, and I'd like to mend this."
"Is there a way?" he asked. "I'm not so sure of that."
"I understand but I'd like to try."
"Start with Natasha." He walked off, going back to the tower. James and Steve were off getting pizzas. Natasha was having tea with Bruce. He leaned down to hiss in her ear about Coulson's idea, getting a grimace back. "I told him to start with you."
"I agree with that sentiment though I am not sure I would want to go backwards on that matter." Clint patted her on the shoulder before walking off. She sighed, sipping her tea. Bruce looked at her. "Coulson."
"Hmm. That's a hard thing to deal with." She nodded. "I'm sure you'll figure it out." She smiled. "Are we waiting for someone to call about Harris' date putting him in the ER?"
"He doesn't go to the hospital." Bruce groaned, shaking his head. "Basically." He smirked so she wrote out why, that way if there were listening devices no one would hear. He stared then destroyed the note with a nod. "So if something should occur...."
"I'll be aware and ready."
"That would be helpful."
***
James showed up the next day, watching as Xander hissed as he stood up from sitting. He slammed the door, making Xander scowl at him. "Did your date last night stab you?"
"Battle? Big thing in Europe the other day?" he said dryly.
"You weren't injured on the side."
"Yeah I was. I did the stitches myself."
"Why didn't the med team?" he demanded, staring at him. "Is this the usual BS thing that'll get you dead some day soon?"
"I'm not dying anytime soon. The higher powers in the universe hate me like hell. They won't let me die during anything but a nasty accident. That way people don't think I died heroically." He stared at him. "The nurse didn't notice it. She got the visible stuff. I did the rest when I got home. As for dying from it, I'm taking my antibiotics like a good boy, James," he finished facetiously. "Really."
"What're your clients going to do when you die?"
"I only worry about what some of my lovers are going to lie about. You guys have a few others that could do the same thing if they wanted to go to college. Including you if you wanted to do that, or Clint. Or even Natasha. Though she might enjoy screwing with a few people's minds instead."
James huffed, staring at him. "How many did the med team miss?"
"Not that many. They were under my clothes."
"That would've been seen."
"They were busy and I warned them about the mermaid taint. She wasn't all that interested in being thorough." He shrugged but grinned. "It's nice you like me enough to care."
"I feel like I'm nagging Steve's clone," he said dryly. "He'd do the same thing."
"It happens and I'm more used to doing my own anyway." He finished smothering his toast with jelly then walked off. "If you're moving back in, go clean your room. It stinks like deadly socks." He went to his office. "And stay out of my weapons before more agents show up to demand them."
James stared after him, going up to see what stunk in his room. It turned out he had a dead mouse. That got tossed outside then he hauled Xander out to a bathroom so he could check his injuries for him. Steve still had his 'Bucky's mad' radar so he showed up to help. Xander moaned and shook his head but Steve nicely got the bandages to help James with them.
"I'm fine."
"Sure you are," Steve agreed. He even nodded a bit. "I think you're just fine. You just have a lot of injuries. Is this a bruise?" he asked, lightly touching next to it.
"Hickey."
"Oh, that's sweet of whoever you had over." He got back to creaming all the injuries so they could replace bandages. Someone walked in slamming the door. Steve leaned out. "Hey, Leo. We're making sure Xander's injuries are clean."
"The med team in Budapest didn't catch some of them so Xander did them himself," James said dryly.
Steve looked at Xander. "Not even I'm that bad." He got the ones on Xander's back.
"I've done my own since I was a kid, unless Willow did them for me. Hell, she nearly took out my appendix for me and did redo some of the stitches that were crappy."
James looked at Xander. "Didn't you guys have a hospital?"
"It killed people for fun and profit."
"Oh. That reason." He got back to it with Steve, who smiled behind Xander's back.
Clint walked in. "Hey, Leo. Xander hiding?"
"Save me from them fussing, Clint."
He came to the bathroom door, staring at the injuries. "Did your date last night want bloodplay?"
"They were hiding under his clothes so the med team didn't find them," James said.
"Ah, that reason. Suck it up, Xander. It means we like you as a friend." He came in to look at the one on Xander's forehead. "Banged it on the bed or something there?"
"Fell on the stairs last night when I was half asleep because Pieter showed up."
"Hmm." He creamed it and James let him help. Xander was getting huffy but oh well. Clint grinned at him. "It shows that you trust us and we appreciate that, Xander. It means you like us like we like you. Guys like us only fuss over friends." Xander shook his head but he was smiling. "Should we suggest you strip?"
"You're not the client I have to hire a hooker for," he quipped. "Or the one that I had to quit seeing because he kept propositioning me back in college."
"No, I don't like hookers and while I think you're sweet I can take hints," Clint said dryly. He grinned. "Beyond that, only cleaning my bow and arrows is foreplay, not guns."
"I only wipe down artillery as foreplay," Xander quipped with an evil grin.
"For some reason I can see you looking like a pinup girl on a tank," James muttered, shaking his head.
"I did that in college for art credit."
"I don't want to know," Steve said with a grin. "I did some figure drawings but we had girls doing that."
"There's probably some guys that did, you just missed them."
"Probably," Steve agreed. They finished up and left Xander to do Xander things. Steve went to find Pieter, who was hiding upstairs. "Xander was hiding injuries."
"He usually does," he agreed. "Is he out of fussing mode?"
"Xander? Yeah. He's eating his jelly toast in the office." He leaned on the doorway. "You okay?"
"I'm fine. My superiors are being...unreasonable."
"I can call Natasha if you want," Steve offered.
"I've called a few others to talk to them about suddenly needing to move." Steve grinned, going up to his painting area. Pieter went to lurk downstairs. Xander was talking to Leo Fritz. James and Clint were in the basement playing pool so he settled in to watch. He couldn't get into much trouble watching them play pool.
***
A few days later, Xander answered his phone while he was trying to cook dinner. "It's me." He listened. "Excuse me?" He flipped the pork chop he was cooking. "That's weird. Need me to call the coven? Or...yeah, I can show up. Give me twenty to get there and get some backup. Thanks, Paulette." He hung up and sent out a text message as he headed upstairs to change. "Steve, me. Need backup in the main Central Park area for a realm opening. Not the Avengers, just you and maybe James. No, it may be temporal or it may be realmal. Not sure yet. Someone called me from the NYPD. I'm getting changed and grabbing dinner to go. Meet you there in about twenty." He hung up, grabbing better clothes to go deal with that situation in. He grabbed his pork chop to nibble in the car.
***
Xander walked over to the group of people complaining at the officers trying to keep them there. He cleared his throat. "Welcome to this realm, people." They stared at him. The white guy in charge glared at him. Xander stared at him. "Who are you? Let's see if we can get you home." It was an older white guy with an eye patch and a buzz cut haircut.
"I'm Nick Fury."
Xander stared. "Really? Ours is a black guy with an attitude that needs to be kicked out of him. Though he's supposedly dead but he's screwing up things in Europe." He stared at him. "Any idea how you guys got here?"
"There was some glowing woman," an older man said. "That's all we know." His eyes lit up. "Steve," he said, almost reverently.
Xander looked back. "Looks like a wish demon."
"Can we get her to undo it?" Steve asked. "Before things get really bad?" James stomped after him.
Xander looked up. "Well?" he called. "You got *any* ideas?"
"It was a geek," a female voice called. "He wished for an effective Nick Fury to cure the problems that SHIELD falling created."
Xander shook his head with a sigh. "Great."
"SHIELD fell?" that Nick Fury demanded. Xander nodded, looking at him. "Why?"
"Because after the war, you guys brought HYDRA scientists home with you to fight the cold war. They kept recruiting." He gave him a pointed look. "It got to the point where it nearly brought down a few different countries' governments. Including this one in the US." Fury gaped then turned and threw something. "Yeah." Xander frowned and shot someone. "Speaking of HYDRA. James, that's the one that was on Coulson's team." He nodded, going to get him. Xander put his gun up, shrugging some. "We're still fighting HYDRA's remains." He grimaced. "Let me call the coven."
"Coven?" one of the other guys behind Fury asked.
"Yeah. It's a long story but the Watchers Council fell to a greater evil, then we rebuilt it so it ran properly to support the girls but a witch decided she needed to remove all evil from this realm with the slayers to fight it. So they're on some other fucking realm." Fury gaped. "Leaving two of us here with some of the slayers' families. So I'm going to call the coven to see if they can undo this. Before we end up needing you here because someone creates an invasion or something." He called them. "Clorisma, it's me. We have a realm breach because we have sixteen SHIELD agents behind a white guy named Nick Fury," he said in greeting. He listened to her choke and splutter. "New York's Central Park. No, you can leave that version of him there." He paused. "You guys brought two others. Who's in Bolivia and who's in Tbilisi?"
Fury scowled. "Why should I tell you?"
"Because a little over a year ago we had a huge battle here in Manhattan that got news coverage for months. There's fan clubs to Clint Barton and the Black Widow. If it's them, do you really want them to have to deal with a squealing, fangirling teenager who thinks they're the heros that saved the world from Loki?" Fury groaned but nodded. "Them?" He nodded again, rubbing his head. "Okay." He listened to the phone. "I'll try to get them. If not, can you scry and tell them? I think our Natasha is in town, and I'm very sure Clint is because I saw him earlier." He nodded. "Thanks." He hung up, looking behind him. "Clint, call your old phone numbers, find yourself, he's in Bolivia and their Natasha is in Tbilisi."
"Crap," Clint said, calling his old phone numbers. He finally got one. "Hey, it's me, yes you, you're in the wrong realm, you need to get out of view. Because I've got a fanclub who'll come pounce you. Yeah, seriously. No, I'm in New York and we're going to get you up here. We're getting Natasha too. She got brought with you and Fury. A white guy Fury. No, ours isn't. He's in Europe though." He rubbed his forehead. "Yeah, we'll get you up here. Just lay as low as you can for a few minutes. Yeah, if you can get her, tell her the same thing. Natasha's got a fanclub like Coulson has for Cap."
"The witches are trying to find them to bring them here," Xander said. "And to send them back. There's a wish demon involved." He sighed, walking over to dig a diagram into the dirt. D'Hoffryn showed up once he was done. Xander pointed. "Do we need them?"
"Yes," D'Hoffryn said. "Unfortunately. In about three weeks." Xander and Clint both stared at him. "Not another invasion. We'll have to talk about Detroit after that."
"Why do we need more warriors if it's not an invasion?" Clint asked.
"Because it'll be worse." He stared at Xander. "You'll have to pull out the hidden stuff." Xander winced. D'Hoffryn handed over a scroll. "Otherwise I wouldn't have let them grant that wish." He disappeared.
Xander sighed, reading it over. "Fuck everything with a flaming, flying dick," he said. He handed it to Steve. Who read it and walked off muttering. "Great, it's bad enough to make Captain America swear." He grinned at Clint.
Who grinned back. "At least we'll have two Natashas to help."
Xander nodded. "Very true. Thank you for finding a sunny side of this cluster fuck." He looked at that Nick Fury, who had stomped off after Steve to get that scroll. He was swearing loudly. "They'll arrest you for that," he called. "There's kids in the park." He looked at the other guys then at Steve. "Can you...." He nodded.
"Yeah, we have room in the tower," he said. "Tony's already agreed."
"Okay. If you want to call our Fury so they can chat, great." A Clint and Natasha appeared, going back-to-back to guard each other. Their Natasha was strolling over.
James looked at the two new ones, shaking his head. "You're fine. Quit," he called in Russian.
"They're paranoid, James. The same as you are," Xander said with a grin. "They have their reasons. Especially since we warned about the Avengers fanclub members." He smiled. "Hi, I'm Xander Harris. I was one of the people who rebuilt the Watchers Council to actually train the girls like girls and now I'm a therapist for people like us."
"Like us?" Nick Fury snorted.
"I've saved the world by myself seven times," Xander shot back. "You've only done it with a war band or more behind you. Sit down and shut up until you save the world with a sword." He looked at the other Clint and Natasha. "You two talk to your other selves? That way we can figure things out until we're all needed in DC?" He caught the box that fell from the clear sky. "Thanks, 'Drew." He looked. "Oh, great. Yup, it's a portal situation. We'll need to blow it." Stark stomped over. "No!" he shouted.
"Demon byproducts that can kill normal humans." Stark pulled his hand back, nodding. Xander grinned. "Having that taint helps some things." He looked them over. "Okay, we're going to have a battle in three days. In DC. We'll need to blow the portal, which this will. We'll have at least thousands of demons trying to stop us so they can chow down here." He smiled. "It'll be like LA's only worse and without any slayers. That's why D'Hoffryn said he granted the wish."
"Can we wish it to be less bad?" one of the Clints asked.
"You can try," Xander quipped. "Please do try. They're not allowed to grant wishes for me."
"Have I heard that story?" James asked.
"I told you about dating one of them. D'Hoffryn said I destroyed her. She had been one of his for eleven-hundred years. I gave her a conscience back." He shrugged. "It went well with her demands for sex."
James squinted, shaking his head. "Please date more arms dealers."
"Gladly. They don't make many like Anya." He looked at Steve. Who nodded he agreed with that. He was even smiling slightly. "So?"
"We'll take them to the Tower," Stark said. "I need to know what you have outside of what Andrew sent you."
"You can come over tomorrow to see." Natasha looked over. He grinned at her, shaking his head. "No. Sorry. My toys. You'd want to take my fun away." He looked at Stark again, shrugging some. "Anyway." Stark smirked. "I'm free for at least a few hours around lunch unless Leo shows up tomorrow."
"That's fine. I can do that." He looked at the two Clints. "Tower, bird boy."
"Fine, Stark. Got us rides or are we cabbing?"
"I've got a ride coming." He looked at Xander. "Do you never eat?"
"I had a pork chop on the way over." He walked off. "Come see me tomorrow to let me know where I'm plotted to be."
"Sure." Stark got them into the quinn jet he had waiting, taking them back to the tower. Clint and Natasha were telling themselves about Xander, which was sweet of them.
***
Xander walked into an office in DC two days later, waving the scroll. "We have a prophesied battle here tomorrow." The receptionist grabbed her phone to call. "I'm hoping there's been enough wishes to make it not happen," he sighed. Guards came down to lead him up to the head office. He put the scroll on the desk then the plan in front of the guy. "I know you were Wolfram and Hart, dude. I know you guys aren't behind this one. So a little help maybe? Because even D'Hoffryn panicked enough to grant a wish that gave us some SHIELD guys from another realm."
The half-demon winced, looking over the scroll. "No, this was not us. We considered it but it was more evil than we're comfortable with after what happened in LA." Xander grinned. "Where were you?"
"Saving Malawi."
"Oh." He shuddered. "We've heard, Knight."
"Thanks. Any idea where the portal will start?"
"The ones doing the rites can do it anywhere."
"I'm kinda worried that we're going to have to go to a special address to stop them there. I can't see Congress liking us having to invade there to stop an invasion."
"No, I can't imagine that either," he said. "We'll harry them so they have to be somewhere in the open. Is that group here?"
"Yup. White, pouty, sulky, grumpy Nick Fury and all."
"Damn it," he said in a demon language. Xander grinned and nodded. "All right, we'll figure it out and try to tell you that morning. If not, be centrally located with a way to get there."
"Thank you. We'll let the peaceful community know next and that if they jump in to warn us first. That way no one panics." He took the scroll and battle plan with him, going to a demon bar to repeat that scene with the local demon overlords. Behind him the half-demon started off on a 'fuckity-fuck-fuck-fuck!' rant.
It made his day to make people happy.
***
Six days later, after five days of fighting that war, Xander finally flopped down panting hard. "This had better never happen again," he said when someone stared at him. He looked up, hoping it wasn't a demon. Nope, a cop. "Hi."
"Mr. Harris?" Xander nodded. "The others are gathering at a coffee shop a few blocks away. Want a ride?"
"Please." He got helped up, holding his back. "Can we set that thing on fire?"
"Already called someone. Are there more?"
"I'll have the coven search as soon as someone finds where my phone landed."
"That's fine. We may have it somewhere." He got him to the car and took him to the coffee shop, calling in about the phone. Someone had found it at a battle clean up and brought it to him.
Xander grinned. "Thanks. Let me call the coven." He called. No answer. He tried the other number. No answer. He tried Andrew. "Any idea if there's more of them? DCPD wants to know." He listened. "Where are they? Why are they and you in New York and do I need to come up there?" He groaned, holding his head. "Damn it." Everyone stared at him. "Need my help? Okay, sure, if you borrowed, that's great, 'Drew. Do you need some of us? Some of HYDRA actually helped?
"Okay. Sure, they can flee. I'm all for anyone helping during emergencies as long as I don't have to deal with them afterward. Please. Yeah, just now killed my last one. Three left in town where?" He groaned. "Great. The portal's gone, right?" He nodded. "Okay, where is it?" He wrote it down with the officer's pen on a napkin. "They're minions? Even better. Can we talk to the one.... Yeah, I can handle that. Thanks." He hung up. "We have to get the last three, which have been taken as minions of a higher demon who's taking over an orphanage." He looked around. "My axe?"
"You can barely stand," Steve said.
"Yeah. That happens. Welcome to demon hunting." He looked at the officer, holding up the napkin. The guy took his pen back but nodded. Xander followed him out to the car. They went to the orphanage, with a few agents helping. One he even knew as a client. Xander nodded at them. "Andrew said they had New York's problem done?" he asked his client.
"Yeah, he had it, Xander. Are you okay for this?"
Xander looked at him. "The last I knew you couldn't banish things. So does it matter?"
"No," he agreed. "We'll get you an IV of coffee afterward."
"No hospitals, Paul. You know that." He walked in and upstairs where he could hear noise. "Okay, kids, let's go," he called, pointing behind him. A few got to run to the agents. The rest were frozen. Xander dropped a canister of something. That freed the rest of the room from magic. The kids ran when he pointed again. Xander looked at the higher demon. "Was this your version of helping stop them? Because if so, thank you but you knew we'd hate you bothering the kids."
The demon smiled. "They make good minions but one of the children here was marked to me." He pointed at him.
Xander looked then at him. "Dude, don't make do this when I'm this tired." The demon smirked. "You know it's going to make me mean," he warned. The demon laughed. So Xander lunged and killed the minions while chanting the banishing charm he knew. The demon screamed as Xander slit into his stomach and then throat, then planted a spike with explosive in his crotch as he finished the banishing. The explosive went off as the demon got banished. "Ah, meanness in the morning." He pulled the kid over, looking him over. "Someone was really evil around you, kid. Even this is better than that fate." He looked at the waiting agents. "Guys, we're going to need a priest who has a *real* clue. There's about six in the US right now. Three of them are Fallen and might not help."
"Is one local?" an agent asked.
"One of the Fallen is in Arlington at a small church. If you ask the local peaceful community they can find it. They can probably guard this one for you as well."
"There's demon families that're foster parents I'm sure," an agent said, pushing his way in. "I know of that church."
"Thank you, Mister Fields." He looked at the boy. "He's mean but he will not hurt you. He can't until that comes off." The kid nodded. Xander looked at the demon. "I want your *sworn* and vowed word that you will not harm him."
"I will not harm him, Knight. We don't need to get minions that way." Xander nodded, letting him take the kid. "I won't let anyone sick near you." He nodded. Xander let him go with the kid. "Get him to someone who can treat the infecting wounds."
"I'm fine. I'll take the stuff I have once I get home. Or get someone to get me some antibiotics."
"We can get you back to the coffee shop the others are at," an agent said. "They're fighting."
Xander rolled his eyes. "Sure. Great." They smiled, taking him back there. He walked in. The fighting was still going on. The coven was shouting at someone. They were shouting back. Fury was shouting at someone on the phone. "Fucking shut up, people. I already have a headache from blowing up the demon I was banishing." They all stared at him. "Thanks. Are we done?" he asked the coven witches.
"I hope so!" one said firmly. "I hope there's no more."
"Me too. By the way, a Regnis has the kid to be cured of his marking."
"I'll make sure he'll be fine," another said, pushing her way forward. She checked him over, nodding. "You need a bit of treatment."
"I need a nap," he said. "I'm so tired I'm mean."
"I figure you are. An ER?"
"No. You know how I feel about hospitals." He stared at her. "I don't want anyone getting my blood."
"Can they really do anything with it?" Stark demanded.
"Yup," the agent that had brought him said with a nod. "We sure can." Stark stared at him. He grinned. "I see him as a patient, Mr. Stark. Some of us know why he hates hospitals in the general sense, in case there's a huge emergency. The only two people who know for sure said yes they can be used."
Stark nodded. "Okay, I'll trust that. Can we get him treated without that? I can call in a doc, or Bruce. We can call Bruce if we can get back to New York."
"Only if you're flying," the head witch said. "We're exhausted too, Mr. Stark. By the way, your tower's fine but there's a huge mess in your city."
"As long as they don't blame us," Xander sighed. He sat down. "We can fly. Can we fly?" he asked Tony.
"Yeah, we have stuff to fly. No pilots but we can fly." Steve stomped in with James following him. "You figure that out?"
"Yeah, Sam's fine. In the ER but fine. He helped take out that enclave on the old SHIELD base." He looked at Xander. Then at the witches. "Are there more?"
"Not that we can find," one said, with a pat for his shoulder. "You can rest. We're getting you guys home. We'll let you know that there's a mess up there but we did a lot of work cleaning it up."
Steve nodded. "We've done it before."
She smiled. "That's why we like you, Captain. All right, get some food in you while they find pilots. None of you are fit to fly." She looked at Xander, who shrugged. "You need some antibiotics."
"I know," he said. "I'll get some as soon as I can." She smiled.
"I'll have Bruce get him some," Tony said.
Xander hugged him. "Thanks, Stark." He sighed as he sat back up, cuddling his axe. "Food? Do they have food here?"
"They have pastry stuff here," Clint said, handing him a paper plate.
"I adore you. I'll let you nag in a few days." He inhaled the food.
The witches and agents got things arranged. They watched over Xander just in case. They all knew that he was truly a normal guy in a battle with heros. Even if he'd hate that thought.
***
Sam Wilson looked up as Steve walked into his meeting room, then looked at the empty spaces before looking back at him. "I've got at least thirty before people start to show up. So what's wrong?"
"How did he, Xander, get up after that battle to handle more? He quipped 'welcome to demon hunting' but he was exhausted."
"If there was one more base to take down and you were exhausted, wouldn't you?" Steve nodded once. "Xander got into me because I tried to compare him to soldiers in a war. He pointed out how different hunters and agents do things. Including that he's not in a war, he's on a thing-by-bad-thing schedule."
Steve nodded, sitting down. "I would've had to get up to do it but we could've taken at least a few to rest probably."
"Probably but he couldn't at that time or it'd cause more problems. From what I heard, that demon had a whole orphanage full of kids stuck." Steve grimaced. "Sometimes you do what you gotta do, and apparently apocalypse battles last for longer than regular battles. He came out of five days of running battles in a lot better shape than I did."
"Me too," Steve admitted. "I was so tired I couldn't stay awake a few times."
"I remember that feeling. It's why I didn't manage to move far enough to not get shot in the arm." He grinned. "In his case, there was no army behind him. There were sometimes slayers, and he wasn't the sort to let a teenage girl do it for him. They followed him into battles, not them leading the way, which most of us would've expected since they had the special skills."
"I get that, but how do you build that up?"
"Practice, man. He had at least seven years of a huge thing every spring. Maybe not that bad, but still bad, and that built up to Africa, where he had things going on every few weeks at the very least. Have you seen him on patrol?" Steve shook his head, staring at him. "Every night you go out to fight things then you go home, treat the injuries, get some rest, and get up to do it again the next day hopefully. Though, he was working construction full time during some of it."
"I couldn't."
"Me either," Sam agreed, grinning at him. "And yet they all thought he was normal so he's going to force himself to prove his worth every single time. He's still proving to himself that he's just as good as the slayers are."
Steve nodded, looking at his hands then up at him. "Do you think he trains like I do?"
"I don't know. Ask the guy. He's open to asking stuff. You still see him as a client, right?" Steve nodded, smiling some. "Then ask him what he does to train. It's possible he's given up the older training methods and just does the sparring stuff now. I have no idea how the guy handled a demanding girlfriend and construction, much less hunting on top of it." He shrugged. "Some guys are born special, some guys are made special, some just want it bad enough to do whatever they gotta do then walk off complaining they're not special. Bucky was probably like him when he was younger?"
"Yeah. A lot sometimes. Me too. Or maybe I was just stubborn."
Sam nodded. "You still are."
"Thanks, Sam. Are you coming to New York?"
"Tonight."
"I'll meet you at the airport." He got up to shake his hand and leave, thinking about Xander and how he managed that. He had to train with Xander. Him and Bucky both.
***
Xander woke up with a blink, staring at the man scowling at him. "Why are you scowling at me and this isn't my room. Were we kidnaped?"
"Nearly," he said. "The agents helping you with the last one were HYDRA."
"Shit, one was a client." He sat up with help, grabbing his ribs. "When did that happen?"
"When they shot at the car and made us crash. You have another twenty-something stitches in your side. Bruce redid your bloodwork, shared it with Stark, and then forgot he ever saw it while going to get really drunk from what I got told." Xander snorted, smiling some. "And we're all being yelled at for being at the one in DC, even though it started first and the demons who did that decided we were too busy to stop them."
"Fuck them. They do it to me all the time," Xander sighed. He blinked at him. "Food?"
"Not for another two hours. They had to remove part of your rib."
"Yay but okay." He laid back down. "Home?"
"Tomorrow."
"Those SHIELD guys who scowled?"
"The Howling Commandos behind that Fury? Still here. Still growling at me."
"Yay," he repeated.
James smirked at him. "You need to date another arms dealer or play a lot of poker. Stark said that Andrew had to use a ton of stuff you had stored."
"I've got stuff hidden in other places. Why are they still here?"
"The coven said they have no idea how to get them home."
"I'll go to Cleveland when I get out, get into Willow's books for them."
"Not alone you're not. Both Bartons said you're not going alone." Xander grinned but shook his head. "Tough, Steve overrules us all. He said he's going too." He smirked. "I'll tell them you're up. Need painkillers?"
"I don't take that shit."
James shook his head as he walked off. The doctor had been listening. "How much do you have him on?"
"None. There's a note in a file that he became violent on it once."
"It brought up the hyena possession," Xander called. "I'm going home now."
The doctor walked in smiling at him. "Unlike a normal hospital, we're allowed to knock you out to keep you in that bed."
"You try, the hyena will definitely come up and it'll eat you." He stared at him. "I can go nap in my own bed. I know how to take care of stitches. I've lost two ribs completely already. Anything else I have to worry about?"
"You're still staying, Mr. Harris." He walked out. "Up his sedative."
Xander growled but got up and walked out. He nodded at James, who followed him. They came out of the infirmary and into something that looked like a warehouse. Xander considered it then looked at James. "We need weapons." James nodded, diving to get the weapons off the nurses he knocked out. Xander sighed and summoned something. "That'll work." He grinned at the stare at the staff. "It likes me. The guy who made it thinks I'd be his willing minion. I'm not, but he'll sure try again. That's okay though." He grinned and they walked out, Xander destroying things. "Dizzy but sure. They're bad guys." The fake people came running but their illusions got canceled out. They were still in New York. Just not in the right borough. Xander looked at the messy building's remains. "Huh." He looked around. "Are we in Queens?"
"Staten Island," James said, looking around. "We can take the train."
"You have money?"
"Yeah, I have both our wallets and your phone." He held it up. Xander grinned, tucking it into his hospital jammies' pocket. They found a train station and went back to his house, going to hide and heal.
***
In Manhattan, Stark looked up at the alarms going off. "Loki showed back up?" he demanded. The cameras zeroed in on what happened. "Wow, Xander is using Loki's staff." Steve rushed in. Stark got out of the way. "I thought he was at home."
"Me too, but that's Bucky." They stared. Xander destroyed the building and there were some not-thems. Then they went into the train station up the street. "I think Harris is more scary than Loki," Steve decided. "He's more mentally stable but has ideas."
Stark looked at him. "I was already scared of him." He called upstairs. "Barton, put down the bow. Turns out the shrink wasn't at home. He and Bucky had been captured. Somehow Harris got the Staff and he destroyed the base. They're on the train from Staten Island." He hung up on the swearing going on. "He's not happy."
"I'm not happy but happy he found it before Loki did," Steve said. "Wasn't it in SHIELD custody?" Stark nodded. "So...HYDRA had it. Great."
"Yup," Stark said. "We can go take it from him."
"Yeah, we can do that." He walked off. "I'll get Clint since he has the security codes." He walked off, going to stop Clint from throwing a fit. "Apparently HYDRA took it from SHIELD."
"It went back to Asgard with Thor!" Clint complained.
"No idea then. They're on their way home. Xander's wearing hospital pajamas."
"I can get us in there. He probably needs groceries." He stomped off. Steve followed. When they got there, they had to wait about a half-hour but Xander and James wandered up, James holding Xander up. Clint got out of the SUV, walking over. "Don't touch me with that thing."
"I'd never give Thanos the pleasure of giving him minions." He held it up. "Take it from me." Clint did. "That greasy feeling is Thanos. I got a vision on the train. He's coming for all the infinity stones." He and James walked off. "I hate vision migraines."
Clint stared after him. Steve carefully took the staff, which got taken from him by Melinda May since she was behind him. Clint looked at her. "Coulson saw. He sent me to check on him."
"He's limping, had a vision," Clint said.
"Good. We'll go mine that base to see what he didn't destroy with it." She walked off, putting the staff into a special carry case.
James came out to steal it back. "It's going in the safe. Before it gets stolen by whatever that Thanos guy is so he can have the power source back. Because that'll make him a god." He went back inside to hide it in the back levels of the safe. Xander had given him how to get in there. It went into a room with a thing in a vial that Xander said he didn't even think about having because it'd mean someone would come for it. When he came out, Clint had gotten Xander settled into bed with some tea and some cookies. "I had no idea," he told Steve. "All I saw was the infirmary. I only got out of a bed last night."
"That's fine. They're sneaky. They had people like us?"
"Must've been some sort of illusion. I couldn't tell," James admitted. "They let Xander wake up today and he started trying to get out. I'm not sure if it's because he knew. He looked shocked when we walked into the warehouse."
"Xander hates hospitals," Clint said. "Did they get his blood?"
"They told me Bruce ran it, handed it to Stark, then got really drunk to forget it," James said.
"Let me tell Melinda," Steve said, sending her that text message. She sent one back. He noted the staff was in Xander's safest safe area. She said they'd talk about it later. And about whoever Thanos was.
***
Natasha showed up the next morning. She stared at Xander until he woke up. "I'm going to ask a few questions so no one else has to get mad and pounce you for answers." He shrugged, shifting onto his side. "How did you use Loki's staff?"
"Technically, he was just the last user. According to the resonance in it, it belongs to Thanos. He made it with the stone." She nodded once. "As for how, I'm beloved of every single chaos being in the universe, Natasha. If I had wanted to I could have become a high priest of any chaos god I chose. Between the hellmouth I was born near and grew up near to the stuff we used to get into, and Willow supercharging me when I stopped her suicidal apocalypse attempt, I'm a bit full of energy I can't usually use. All I did was let the staff access it to release some, which made me feel better but yet sick to my stomach as it leeched out." She nodded again. He grinned. "The staff has its own power source. That's the stone that makes it so dangerous. It's why Thanos wants it back."
"What or who is Thanos?"
"Seriously bad news. We're talking a cosmic power. He has an artifact he can use the stones with to become godlike." She grimaced. "I don't know a lot about him but I read a bit on him way back when we were looking up what Glory was. She was in the same book, which is in Cleveland. I'll get it when I get the books from Willow's collection to send the SHIELD guys back."
"That would be appreciated by most everyone." She stared at him. "You could have trusted someone else to get that demon."
"Do you know how to banish demons?"
"You could have told us."
"It's a spell rite, Natasha. How comfy with those are you?"
"I am not," she admitted. "Could Clint have done it?"
"No idea. He's never asked to learn those."
"We'll look over that later so you're not the only one around here. In case you die."
He grinned. "It'll be some day but other cosmic powers *loathe* me. They'll never let me die in a battle. I'll die in dirty diapers in an old age home or I'll die in a car wreck, something stupid yet messy."
"There's many days I could wish to die in a car wreck instead of how I'll probably go."
He nodded. "I wanted to die in bed but not even Anya could wear me out that way. It was unfortunate."
She cracked a smile. "I don't know many women who could kill a man in bed."
"Anya could have. Six hours of sex, constant sex, would do it to some people." She stared then shook her head with a slight sigh. "Beyond that, if you want to go to Cleveland with me I trust you not to bother the stuff the slayers left behind."
"I shall. Can Clint?"
"Yeah, if he wants."
"Thank you." She stared at him. "I have never seen Clint worry and swear about anyone the way he does you."
"We're friends, even beyond the therapist/patient relationship."
"That's good. We could all use new friends." She stood up. "Is the staff safe?"
"If James put it where I told him to, yes. It's in a vault that I don't even think about having hidden in case some telepath shows up. Some of Skye's people do have that gift according to some demon contacts and her people probably know about Thanos."
"I'll see if she'll contact someone to let us know." She nodded. "You should get up and eat."
"I'm nearly naked; I'm being polite by not getting up in my man panties in front of you."
She smiled. "I've seen better and worse panties than yours, Xander." She walked off. "Your antibiotics are in the kitchen. Take them with food. We put food in last night. Use it before we have to nag you like you do James." She left the house to tell the others.
Xander got up to put on sweat pants then went down to get his medicine and some food. He was still hungry. "I'm hoping there's no other emergencies for at least a week," he muttered on his way to his office. He probably had hate mail to deal with again. It always happened after a battle.
***
Xander stepped out of the airport in Cleveland, looking around. He nodded at a demon that was being a guard for the airport. "We need to check the house and get into the books," he said quietly.
"We know you won't upset the fragile balance by turning into Rosenburg, Harris."
Xander grinned. "I'd look sucky as a redhead."
"Yes you would. I'll let the others know you're in and doing a remembrance." Xander nodded, heading for the rental car lot. Natasha and Clint followed him. He reported that to the city's demon council. They were amused that he had guards this time but protecting people from Xander was a hard job. It probably took assassins.
***
Xander walked up to the front door of the house, finding it open. "I'll kill someone," he noted. "Yo, who the fuck are you?" he yelled.
"It's me," Andrew called.
"Oh, okay." He let go of his gun and walked in. "I need into Willow's books."
"That's what I've been doing. The coven wanted me to since you're so injured." He looked at him. "Are you all right?"
"I'm fine." He gave him a hug. "Don't make me take your place, 'Drew."
"I won't." He grinned. "I'm making dinner too."
"I love that you cook." He went into the library, looking in there. Andrew had clearly been into some of them by the lack of dust. Xander tripped the lock into the special room, walking in to get into Willow's trunk of things from Sunnydale. He found the journals he wanted, walking out and relocking the room. He carried them into the kitchen to look through.
"Xander, who was this?" Natasha asked with a point.
Xander smiled sadly at the memorial case. "That stake is Mr. Pointy. He was made by Kendra, who was Council raised. We had no idea how bad the Council was to the other girls until we met her," he said quietly. "She hadn't been allowed to go to school, to talk to boys, nothing. She had a single outfit when she showed up. She had climbed into a plane's wheel well to get here instead of her watcher sending her properly. She had a naive grace and she was a beautiful young woman. She put all her frustrations and longings into carving Mr. Pointy. She gave it to Buffy when they settled which of them was doing which area." He looked at her. "Kendra was killed by Dru, which activated Faith."
"Wow," Clint said, staring at it. "That's...."
"We honor it and her sacrifice like we do the girls who went before her that we didn't get to know," Andrew said. "I didn't get to meet Kendra but I know why it sucked so hard for her."
"I flirted with her but she didn't even realize what boys were for thanks to her watcher," Xander said. "Which is why we didn't really grieve when the old Council died in a huge explosion and a bunch of killings from the minions of the First Evil. We grieve and hold a remembrance for the lost potentials."
"What happens if she gets rewoken?" Clint asked.
"Part of it means she'd have to have her seal opened," Xander said. "You can't get to her seal. We made sure the thing is covered. Nothing can dig to it, nothing can get into the lead cage around it." He swallowed. "It can't reopen without a whole lot of alarms going off. Willow created them with Andrew to alert everyone that it's opening." Andrew nodded, stirring the pan on the stove. He looked in the first journal, shaking his head. "Not in this one. This was her patrol journal."
"May I?" Clint asked.
Xander nodded, letting him see it. He and Natasha looked it over. "Ignore her thing about me being normal please."
"I know you're not normal, Xander. You kicked ass like an Asgardian."
Xander grinned. "Thanks, Clint." He looked in the other two. "Andrew, is this the spell?"
He looked then shook his head. "That would relocate something to a new realm. That's how she did the slayers." He found the other one, reading it over. "That's really going to be painful for them." He considered it. "I'm not sure if we could warp it or not."
"Can we warp the other one?" Xander asked. "Do it outside so it's not a house?"
"We'd have to make artificial limits or walls." He considered it, then nodded. "We can try." They got bundled into his bag. "I'm going to the coven later." He gave Xander a bit of food. Xander pouted so he got more. Xander grinned. "Are you okay?"
"I'm good. I'm going to the memorial later."
"Yeah, so am I. It's a bit early this year but we're here so we can do it now instead of on the anniversary." Xander nodded, digging in. "Guys, I made goulash."
They came in to get food and settled in to eat. They looked around a bit. Xander and Andrew returned the house to the prior condition before going to the park with the memorial. The two assassins followed along, being respectfully quiet. There was a demon in their way but Xander glared until he moved. "We know we're early," Xander told him. "We needed into Willow's journals to send the SHIELD guys home." He walked around him, Andrew following. Xander stared at the obelisk. "I still say I should fix the misspelling and add the two missing names."
Andrew patted him on the arm. "I've noted it a few times. They don't want to fix it." Xander shook his head. "Maybe we can do that." They stared at the obelisk then walked around it to the small area behind it. It had a single flame that would not go out. It was a fire nymph's nest. It had some crystalized flowers around it with real flowers around the crystal ones. Xander leaned down to pet the fire nymph. She smiled and patted him back then Andrew. Xander and Andrew looked around then Xander nodded and walked off. "Xander, no," Andrew said quietly.
"I hear sobbing, Andrew."
"Oh. That's fine then." They found the crying demon child and Xander squatted down. Andrew smiled at her. "Hey. Why are you crying?"
"Bad things are going to happen because you're here early."
"No it won't," Xander said quietly, staring at her. "We're here because we needed some of Willow's books." She stared up at him. He picked her up to hug. "We'd never let bad things happen. You know that about us." She nodded, resting against his shoulder. "Good girl. C'mon, we'll get you home. Is your dad the guy at the poker house or the other one?"
"He's a bartender."
"I know him," Andrew said. They walked her off, taking her back to the car. Andrew held her on the way to the kitten poker hall. He handed her over.
Xander walked her in, handing her to her father. "She was panicking about bad things happening. That wasn't a vision. It was a paranoid's statement," he said quietly. "Sometimes we need to be here to clear our own minds or to get into the books." He gave him a pointed look then left. "Okay."
"Do we have the books on Thanos?" Natasha asked.
"Yeah," Andrew said, handing it back from his bag.
She flipped through the _Gods, Goddesses, and Mystical Powers_ book until she found him. She read, frowning some. "He is not stable."
"Most people who want to rule the world aren't," Xander said.
"Point." She let Clint see it. He grimaced but nodded. They could read those over on the plane back to New York. Thankfully Stark had leant them his private plane so they didn't have to deal with cranky passengers.
***
Xander, Natasha, and Clint walked into the meeting area in Stark's tower. "Okay," he said. He handed the coven member there the right journal, letting her see it. "That's the better choice. There's another one that she had, but it was a lot more painful." He let her see that one. They had told Andrew to let Xander since they were holding this meeting at the tower.
"Thank you, Xander. Where were they stored?"
"In her special room." He grinned. "Still locked to my DNA so she couldn't get into it again." He sat down. "Natasha has the book on Thanos."
She opened it so the others could read. "I'm still wondering how the staff got back down here."
"There's ways," Xander said. "It'd take longer but there's doorways between each of the realms somewhere. As far as I've heard, the one from here leads to Alfheim."
"Which one is that?" Stark asked.
"Light elves. Not the ones that invaded London. Their doorway is to the realm with fire. The only direct bridge is up the tree or from this realm to just Asgard, the rainbow bridge."
"So it's possible there's other artifacts from somewhere in Asgard down here?" Natasha asked.
"Most of them were made by dwarves. That's Nidavellir. Sometimes in myths that's linked in with another realm, but they're the creators of the great things. I've always admired dwarves so I read a lot about their myths," Xander said.
Stark nodded. "I can understand that. Some of those things are fascinating." He look at the book on Thanos since it was his turn. "That really sucks. He made the staff?" he asked Xander, looking up. Xander nodded. "How can you tell?"
Xander sat up, leaning forward. "When you create something, you put your personal energy into it. Especially mystical or magical artifacts. You have to use your willpower and/or magic to make it form what you want it to be. In this case, he was merging a hella powerful artifact with a staff he created for it. He had to put himself into the staff to craft it and he had to bend the stone itself to his will to harness it that way. He basically had to make a deal with the stone itself to make it cooperate because it's a power of the universe. So he left...almost an imprint of himself on the staff. The stone showed me right before the vision hit."
"Was it prompted by the stone?" Natasha asked.
"They're not really sentient, but they're... I don't know how to explain that." He looked at the witch.
She cleared her throat. "Many mystical artifacts aren't *sentient* but the magic behind it does give it some will. It's like an infant. There's lights and someone's home but it's not really able to think on its own."
"Yeah, that," Xander agreed. "The stone was not amused by the way."
"How many are there?" Steve asked.
"Five," Xander and the witch said.
"It goes in a gauntlet," Xander said. "Which may be on Asgard as the dwarves made it."
Stark looked at Steve. "Can we call Thor yet?" Steve asked.
"I don't know. I'll be calling Jane tomorrow to find out."
Steve nodded. "Thanks. The others?"
"Scattered," Xander said. "No idea otherwise. Not here. We'd know if there were that many powerful artifacts down here. Each one sends up a spike of power, even when it's in hiding. That staff is like a black hole of local energy."
"It's easily tracked by that but we're not feeling any of them," the witch told him. "Even if it were on a hellmouth we'd feel the energy it'd be putting out."
"Good to know," Stark agreed. "Can they be on the same place?"
"They'll want to join," she said, looking at Xander. Who nodded. "Did it know where they were?"
"No clue. I didn't ask. I figured knowing would mean someone would show up looking for the information."
She nodded. "That is a great point." She patted him on the arm. "Take your antibiotics when you get home, Xander."
"I did earlier. I'm fine."
"Um-huh."
He stared at her. "I am. Really. I've had worse from date nights."
"Fine. Whatever. Train someone to do your job?"
"Sure, find me another hunter. You know I've been looking. I've trained everyone who's come to me for it."
"Point," she said, scowling at him. He shrugged back. "Fine. We'll see if some of the coven's sons want to learn. I'd offer the girls but they'd try to keep you."
"Are they evil?" he joked, grinning at her.
"No but they're drawn to the chaos you've sucked up."
"Sure, blame me for being born near and raised right near the hellmouth."
"No, I can't do that. Your parents I'd like to meet and smack around for you however."
"They're probably in hell," Xander said dryly.
"Point." She looked at the heroes. "How can we at the coven help you?"
"Do you have any more information on this guy or the stones?" Tony asked.
She shrugged. "We're looking. Wasn't there anything in the main library, Xander?"
"Three books might have but all three are in the suspended animation bookcase," he said, looking at her again. "The only one that might have it I couldn't find the copy of."
"Oh, dear. Giles never got around to preserving those?"
"No and no one's found any other copies in any of the probates or any of the other areas that the old Council had stuff stored in."
"We'll look at those too. We're closer to most of them." She looked at them. "How else can we help?"
"When and if this Thanos shows up, will we have your help?" Steve asked.
She smiled. "Of course. We're not great on offensive spells but we'll gladly help against that cosmic being. We don't want destroyed either." She looked at Xander.
"They know they don't have to ask me. I'll come back from hell to help with that battle." She swatted him, frowning greatly. "You know damn well they won't let me ascend into a higher being. The Powers That Be would rather I die of dementia and a UTI from dirty adult diapers than let me go anywhere *nice*."
"Point," she said. "You did jump in."
"And you're welcome for still being alive because I did," he shot back with a grin.
"Also a good point. Well, they're not paying attention. Otherwise we would not have seen Loki."
"I don't think the PTB can influence the Asgard," Xander said. "They're not that all powerful."
"Perhaps. They might be of that mindset."
"Just because they believe they're the ultimate god doesn't mean they are," Xander said bluntly. "I can think I'm cute, fluffy, and nice but I know I'm not."
"True. We've never considered you fluffy, Xander. Nice certainly until you're forced not to be." He smirked. "Or you date."
"I had my nice days. They're long ago, before I found hunting."
"I can understand why." She patted him again. "You really must fight that infection better."
He looked at her. "What infection? Nothing of mine's infected." She cast a checking spell, frowning at what she saw. He looked. "Is it that thing? That's not an infection, Morigan."
"No, not that." She showed him what she felt.
"That's the hyena. I don't think antibiotics will work on that." He snapped his fingers. "They had my medical records. They knew not to give me painkillers thanks to my hyena possession coming out on someone in Africa. That had to come from when I had malaria."
Stark nodded, making note of that. "We can go looking for them. Make sure there's no other copies. Or of your bloodwork."
"I'll make a deal with someone to kill everyone who takes my blood against my will," Xander said dryly. "They'll be happy to eat them."
Stark gave him an amused look. "Isn't that a bit overreacting?"
"I got diseases by falling into a burial chamber because the ghosts were mad, Stark."
Stark blinked a few times. "How in the hell!" he demanded. Xander shrugged but grinned.
"He is a medium. He sucks up spirits," Morigan said, looking at him. "Though that's weird, Xander."
"On Thanksgiving so the Native Americans were giving me a 'fuck you for killing us' present. They were offended by Willow too. Anya was nearly sobbing over me being that sick."
"Shit," the witch muttered, shaking her head. "All right, we'll see if we can figure that out. We do know a few very nice techno pagans." She looked at Stark.
"Oh, I'm going to search it out and destroy it," he assured her.
"Good. Saves us some work, dear." She shook her head. "Let me get these journals back to the coven so we can send those SHIELD blokes back." She disappeared after looking up and touching her pendant.
"They store up power for those moving events," Xander quipped. He stood up. "Let me go eat so I don't get nagged by some more witches."
"I... can I run your bloodwork?" he asked.
"Must you?"
"Yes. Please?"
Xander sighed, nodding. Bruce got what he needed and came back to draw the blood then went to run it. Xander went home. Let them talk about him behind his back for a bit.
Steve looked at Stark. "If I ever get that burned out, force me on a vacation, please," he said quietly.
"Gladly. I'll bring you with me on one. I'll even introduce you to giggly girls on the beach." He looked at James, who shrugged. "Are you going back to your nagging him later?"
"Possibly."
"Make him take a vacation," Steve ordered. "Or date someone easy."
"I can do that. He knows quite a few. He needs to restock anyway."
"Always a good idea," Stark agreed. "I need to do more for our stores. I'll get on that once I call Jane Foster." He got up, going down to his lab.
Steve looked at the others. "See if anyone else knows anything about mystical artifacts and this Thanos being." They nodded, breaking up the meeting. Steve didn't hear when Bruce went on a fit ranting about Xander's blood but thankfully he didn't need to know that much about Xander. He wasn't seeing him that way.
***
Xander got out of the limo, looking at the man meeting him. "While it's nice to get a ride in that thing, is this really necessary?"
"Our client needs your specific sort of help," the lawyer said. "The ride was a nice touch." Xander smirked at him. "Inside, please."
"Small problem. I'm going to be armed. No matter what I'm going to be armed. There are people who will try to take me out. As far as I can tell, that's a prison. That would be a conflict of interest. You didn't tell me that first."
The lawyer looked at him. "The driver is a guard."
"Is he HYDRA?" Xander asked.
The lawyer blinked a few times. "No. I've had him vetted but I can see why you would be worried." Xander nodded. "We will make sure you're protected." Xander walked into the facility, letting the guards pat him down. The guard followed him.
Xander looked at the head guard glaring at him. "Sorry but I do have people out to get me. Including having had HYDRA itself taking me hostage last month. I don't really want to be trapped somewhere I'd have to bite people to death instead."
"The guards will make sure but if someone gets your weapons we're all in danger."
Xander looked around then at him. "I don't take your people as the type that need weapons for that."
"True." He smirked slightly, nodding. "We will make sure you are not harmed, Mr. Harris."
"Thank you." He sent a text message then handed over his phone once it was sent. "If I don't reply in two hours, that one will start rescue procedures."
"Agreed," the lawyer said. Though he rolled his eyes. He and the driver/guard followed Xander to the cellblock they'd need. His client was led to a bare room with just a bolted down table and connected chairs. Nothing that could be used as a weapon. On the way, they heard people start to hiss that 'The Knight' was there.
Xander paused to look at one. "Does your clan know you're here? I can tell Chryst."
"Please do, Knight."
"I'll do that when I get home." The guy nodded. Xander walked on, grinning at the staring prison guards. "I dated his teacher. I have the utmost respect for their clan." He got let into the room, nodding at the man in there. "Your lawyer thought you might need my therapy services." The man snorted, glaring at him. "I'm Xander Harris." He sat down.
The man swallowed, staring at him. "You know about saving things."
"Have done it many times," he said with a grin. "So, what's the what? Why are you in here?"
"I've been leading a coup attempt against an unjust group."
Xander nodded. "I've ran into many of those. Some of them are a good idea and some aren't. Some are frankly wackos with religion."
The man burst out laughing. "That is true. Mine are not. Mine are just. Our ruler is evil." Xander nodded, pulling out some paper and a pen. "Are you going to make notes?"
"No. All my notes are made at my office in a sealed area where no hackers or snoopy people can get to it. I know more about many people that others would like to hear than they have figured out." He grinned. "I know Mesca. He doodled while we talked."
"I heard about him." He sighed, looking at him. "My sister worries me." Xander nodded. "She is going to be married off by my people to keep the line strong but it won't be good for her."
"Does she need help getting out of the area? Depending on the situation I know people who could help."
"I need to not want to smite my second-in-command."
Xander grinned. "If your second is David? Too late. Someone smited him last week. Something about a peaceful group that had warriors so he got all offended...." He grinned again. The man moaned, nodding. "I heard they left most of your people alone though."
"That's good." He tapped the table a few times. "I have great anger."
"Great anger can change the world if you focus it or it can give you a heart attack if you don't. Which type do you have?"
"In here? I have the second. Out there I was doing good. All this is political," he sneered.
"Yup," Xander said with a nod. "It always is. You should see what the US has done to some of their quiet teams who handled problems for them."
"I've heard. Is Jensen's team all right?"
"The last I heard, yes. They got found innocent and taken from that horrible place to work for the people fighting evil. I'll tell him you said hi." The guy smiled. "Let's go over where you still have ways of getting the anger out. It's not good for you and if it gets too much it'll probably cause a riot that'll get you dead." The man nodded, slumping some while they talked. It was good for him. Xander gave him good ideas on how to get some of the anger out. Stagnant anger wasn't good for anyone, especially one that had a history of violent revolutionary actions.
***
Xander walked into a bar, nodding at the bartender. "At least I canceled the 'come rescue me' alert," he said at the heated look he got from a few patrons. He stopped at one table, staring at the young woman. "I just saw one of your clan at the prison I had a client at," he said quietly. The woman stared up at him. He grinned. "Thinning, dark hair, looking like he's got some liver damage from the yellow tones to his skin." She moaned, shaking her head. "I told him I'd tell someone in the clan that he's there."
"Thank you, Knight."
"Welcome. That place didn't seem that great or that right. The few I saw were people like leaders of unpopular revolutions."
She nodded. "I'll tell the leaders."
"Tell her I said hi?" She nodded, sipping her drink. "Thanks." He winked and walked off. Outside there was someone running toward him with a gun. He stared at them. "Why are you outside of lower Africa?" he called. The man pointed the gun at him. Xander threw something at him that made him scream as it ate him. "Poker debt, dude. It'll keep eating you. Tell me before you die?" He walked over to stare down at him. "Why are you coming at me with a gun? Why are you here?"
"You're going to be sacrificed to end the wars," he moaned. "Make it stop?"
"I'm not merciful. I've never been merciful to those who want to kill me." He felt someone come up behind him and turned, zapping them with his taser. They screamed and went down. "Sorry, Officer. I'm blind on that side. All I felt was you sneaking up on me." He helped him up. "Sorry. I thought you were one of his minions. He said he wants to sacrifice me."
The guy stared at him. "Who're you?" he demanded.
"Former Council." He shrugged. "Apparently I stopped a battle or something that they're mad about." He waved a hand at the guy. "He's part of a group out of lower Africa."
"What's wrong with him?"
Xander grinned. "Demon byproducts I won at poker. I don't do playful with the people who're trying to kill me. That's his assault rifle laying there." He pointed at it.
"Jesus," he said, crossing himself. "I should still arrest you."
Someone walked out of the bar, lit a cigarette, then walked the other direction. "He's not a cop, Harris."
"Thanks. See you Tuesday?"
"Sure."
The officer attacked him and Xander tossed him onto the other guy, making them both scream. Xander grinned at them. "Hi. How're you?" He called someone. "I need to be me. Come pick me up please?" He hung up. The officer was trying to get the things off him. The other guy was begging for mercy. Xander looked at him. "You tried to burn kids to death inside a hut for being born," he said bluntly. "Fuck that shit." A car pulled up at high speed. Xander looked at them. "Hey, Steve. You shouldn't be down here. It's not nice people." He walked over to a nice sedan pulling up, getting into the back. "Thank you. Home? Either one?" The guy driving nodded, taking him home.
Steve Rogers looked at the car, taking a picture of the license plate to look it up later. He looked at the people being eaten, shuddering as he called in something to help them. The dispatcher was blunt that they did not send ambulances to that area. He told them why and she apologized but said it was against protocol because they got stolen from or killed. He called in to the remains of SHIELD. They could come get them to question them. Steve went into the bar to talk to a contact about HYDRA. He'd have to ask Xander when he saw him the next morning.
***
We All Need A Bit of Help Sometimes.