Shipping It or Not Shipping It.
Xander had been summoned by the altar in Wakanda. He had avoided showing up there for a few months and Shuri was apparently very mad at him for some reason. He stared at her. "At least I wasn't in the shower."
"We would've let you get dressed," Shuri said, staring at him. "You have been avoiding Tin and she's quite upset."
"I called her every week."
"You haven't visited."
"I've been busy saving my ass."
"According to rumors you've been busy creating a new white guy homeland," she said bluntly.
"No. I'd never let those sort over here. You know very well I respect the locals and natives."
"So!" She glared at him. "You are hereby in custody of Wakanda for daring to avoid your slayer. I'm going to let her fuss at you."
"It's going to suck when I have to go win a battle in a few days," he said dryly. "With weapons and without a military thanks to the ones that took me hostage. She can fuss afterward if I survive." Shuri glared. He stared back. "It's the reality I live in," he quipped, waving a hand around. "Sorry but life, ya know?" He disappeared thanks to the ship. Valkyrie still adored Shuri but that battle was too dangerous not to win. He looked up and sighed. "She tried to arrest me for not going to let Tin fuss over me."
"Well, you *are* injured," she said bluntly.
"Yeah. That's called life sucks when you're doing the job. They wouldn't be attacking if I wasn't injured, Valkyrie." He limped off, going to lay down for a bit. His back was hurting again from the punch to his kidneys during the last one. At least he had quit peeing blood finally. His fractured ankle was healing. His shoulder was down to only being strained and sore. He could handle a battle in a few days. He hoped.
Erik went from practicing with some of the Dora Milaje to angry when he was teleported onto the ship. "I was busy," he complained. She put up a view of the battle. "Fuck! I need weapons." He ran to the armory and grabbed some things he only hoped he'd need. "Send me, Valkyrie. Don't call Lang, he can't handle a field battle like that."
"Fine." She sent him and watched him go off. She winced when Erik got injured within minutes. She called Scott anyway. "Xander is presently fighting against aliens," she told his phone. "I had to summon Erik because the local military refused to show up to help. Xander's already injured and is getting worse now. Erik's injured too. By any chance, can you handle a field battle, Scott? Erik didn't think you could but I thought I'd check."
"No. Not really," he told his phone. He looked at the others staring at him. "But I might know some people who can. Show me the battle?" She put it up on the virtual screen the AI in the compound let her use. "Shit."
Steve Rogers, who was there for a peace treaty meeting nodded. "We can help. Are those Thanos' people?"
"No, those are not," Valkyrie said. "Those are another species. Scott? Can you at least man my cannon?"
"Yup, I can do that. Hope!" he bellowed. "We need to go get weapons on Valkyrie and help Xander and Erik!" She leaned in and growled. "Now. Bring us, Val." She teleported everyone in the room. "Um... if you're not going to help, just hang out up here, people." He ran off for the bridge cannon. Hope went to the armory and came out to help him by firing from the bridge.
Steve looked around. "At least I'm in the suit." He went to the bridge and looked down then jumped and rolled as he hit the ground, diving in. Xander looked over, tossing him his laser gun. Steve nodded, firing on them. "Why are they invading?"
"We must be taken out for daring to win against things like Thanos because we're obviously a threat to the universe," Xander called. "Local military is hiding like mofos at the moment. Tell Val to unleash the sonic cannon. It'll hurt us too but better than dying here!" He looked up at a blast from the ship. "Oh, hey, Scott's here." He waved then dove back in.
"This is stupidly bad," Erik complained from his spot.
"Yup, and the battle against Thanos was almost as bad. Suck it up, at least if you die this time you know you've earned a happier rest. Maybe they'll stick you with the former slayers so you can hang out to watch us complain about battles."
"Not a happy thought," Scott said over Xander's phone. "Guys, more help incoming."
"Local military with bigger guns?" Xander quipped.
"Nope. Better." He looked back. "Natasha, the armory's on the second level of the front turret motor," he called with a point. "Go find something for me please!" She ran that way with Barton helping. He fired again nearer to the portal. "Is this gateway energy, magic, or explosives, Valkyrie?"
"Energy," the ship said after scanning it. "A lot of energy to warp it and it'll shut compressively."
"Please do," Scott told her. He fired again. "Not that one! It's too powerful and it'll take out the whole field, including our people," he said when he noticed what she had grabbed. "We haven't gotten to turn it down yet. It's a sonic cannon."
Barton put it next to the railing and helped her haul out a bigger gun. They set it up fairly easily, it had a built-in stand, and fired on the beings coming out the portal. They mostly screamed as they burned up.
Stark was still looking at the weapons but his suit was forming around him. He flew down to dive in and help. He nodded at the glider that was coming in to help. So Wakanda was here too. He saw their little team on the ground break and run to a better place and gave them some ground covering shots. Then he dove into the battle too. Though one of the aliens tried to eat him and he punched it, he was fine otherwise. Just being kicked at. "Get the portal!" he yelled at T'Challa. "The ship said it was an energy one!"
He nodded, calling that in before diving in. He spotted Xander, Erik, and Steve, heading to help them make sure none of these aliens got out of this valley. "White Wolf, we could use the help," he called. Bucky came running over to help instead of with the other warriors.
Steve pushed his hair back with a grin. "Hey, Bucky!" He fired on someone. "These aliens need to go home."
"Yes they do," Erik complained. He looked. Xander was wincing and holding his side. "You good?" he demanded.
"Yup," Xander grunted. "Gun kicked back and hit me." He straightened up and fired again. "At least we have weapons and not swords."
"True, I'd hate to do this with swords," T'Challa said. He looked at Xander. "Aren't you supposed to be in Shuri's custody?"
"Yeah, she tried to summon me but I had to come here for this charming event," he said dryly. "Your sister has bad timing." He swore and pulled the mystical staff. It blew up a number of the people. It also brought Doctor Strange to try to confiscate it again. Xander pointed at the aliens then used it again. Valkyrie froze it in a beam but oh well. It was a bit more even odds. "The portal needs high energy explosives to twist and therefore shut."
Doctor Strange looked then groaned as he pulled up magic. "I can set up a defensive shield."
"Please," Steve agreed. "Their weapons hurt like hell when they hit you."
Xander looked up at the whine. "Oh, shit, someone turned on that sonic cannon. Warn people," he told Steve. "Wide beam, indiscriminate." He nodded, calling that in. Scott relayed it to Stark for him. "Make him move, Rogers! He won't survive that hit." Steve switched and told Tony that, making him gather some warriors and set up a shield. The cannon went off and most of the field was cleared but there were new warriors on the other side of the portal trying to come through.
Xander looked up. "Val, send me that bomb!" he called. It appeared and he grabbed it, running it off to the portal. He was setting it as he ran and he stuck it to the portal before running for cover. He almost made it too. Then the portal went up and threw everyone back by a few feet. Xander hit into some rocks but he'd be fine. He was able to groan so he'd be fine.
Stark went to look at the portal, ending the rest of it with Shuri's weapons. The few warriors that had managed to make it into the trees came back but they were taken down within another hour and a half of battle.
Erik jumped over the shield to go find Xander when he got blown into some rocks. The slayers would kill him if Xander was dead. No, he was groaning and slightly conscious. "Val, evacuate Xander," he called.
"Trying. Someone's standing on that beam. Move, Redheaded one!" Natasha moved and she beamed Xander up to the infirmary. "Erik, you need medical attention."
"Yeah, let's end this then I'll get some." He dove in to stab a few of the aliens that were left. Shuri threw him some gauntlets like hers and that was handy to have. It helped end a lot of the aliens faster. Scott and Hope firing on them was helping more. Finally, it was done. He was shaking and exhausted. He looked around at the bodies, not finding many in Wakandan colors. He spotted one and walked over. "She's going to kill you," he told her unconscious form. "Tin's going to heave a fit worthy of American girls in a mall." Shuri let out a tired laugh. "Let's move the injured," he called, waving a hand. "Injured first. Val, if you could help, that'd be great."
"We only have six beds in the infirmary but we can move them onto the bridge and then to somewhere from there," she decided. She got all the injured up first and then back to the Wakandan planes so they could be rushed home. Erik got brought up with Shuri and T'Challa. "My King," Valkyrie said. "Your people are flying home. Only one I kept because she needed immediate help and I've got her in a stasis beam. We may need to keep a second if there's no room to send her immediately."
"That's fine. Are our healers here?"
"No, but mine is," Stark said as he landed. "I ordered her to show up to help. She's waiting back in Wakanda." He looked at the others who got brought up. The ones on the field were mostly aliens, and a few humans. "Get the humans out of the way," he ordered quietly. "We can burn the field." He looked at the natives. "Are they locals?"
Shuri leaned over to look, nodding. "That's their style of clothes. They probably live nearby." She went to make a call, not getting through. So she called someone else and that village would bury them for them. They would make sure no children were left orphaned and alone thanks to this. The last of the injured who could be flown off were. She fired the sonic cannon at the mass of dead aliens, pulverizing them. Scott pulled out something and heaved it onto the railing to fire it. She helped because that was a heavy weapon. It lit the whole area on fire. They watched it burn to make sure it didn't spread then the ship flew them back toward Wakanda. Shuri ran off to check on the ones in the infirmary.
Scott ran a hand through his sweaty hair. "Val, do you need any repairs?" he asked calmly and quietly. "I could use some calming down with things in hand."
"Not really. Only one being shot at me and it's a wood problem. I can let you clean out the fridge if you want."
"That'll work. Thanks." He went that way to calm down by doing something mundane and simple.
Hope looked at the others. "Scott's known Xander and Valkyrie for a few years now. Before he ended up in jail actually." She leaned on the railing then went to make sure all the weapons were shut off. "Valkyrie, are we heading to Wakanda?"
"Yes, dear," the ship said, sounding patient. "We need to get the king back before people freak out."
"Thank you," T'Challa said, patting the nearest part of her. "It's very appreciated." He looked at the other heros. He nearly rolled his eyes at Steve and Bucky staring at each other but looked at Stark. "I need to find out why the local militaries didn't help." He walked off. "Is there somewhere I can wipe off the sweat, ma'am?"
"Of course. We have a few spare bedrooms, King T'Challa. Here, use the one that Shuri likes to sit and stare out the window of. She's still fussing over the three in the infirmary."
"That's fine. Can you call Tin to tell her that her training aunt will be fine?"
"I cannot lie that well and our marker on her has her inside the palace anyway."
"Good. It means she can't yell at me," he muttered. "I hate it when girls yell at me." She giggled. He smiled up. "I do."
"I used to as well. You rest. It'll be an hour." He nodded, going to shower then put back on his suit.
Stark looked at Lang when the group ran into the kitchen then waved around. "How?"
"Not sure yet. He hasn't built her yet. It'll be about fourteen to sixteen years before he does."
Stark blinked a few times then nodded, walking off. "Sure. We'll talk more later."
Hope looked at Scott. "Didn't you help him?"
"In a few years." He grinned. "I have no idea what I did yet either."
"Ah. Did you really take Xander home to your ex-wife?"
"He needed some calming down, normal people time. He was battle tense and about to snap. Some normal time around my ex and Cassie really helped a lot. Though she did warn me she'd kill me if Cassie wanted your suit."
"Not yours?" she asked with a slight smile.
"She'd like to fly more than mine."
Hope just walked off nodding. "Get those cuts treated, Lang."
"In a few. I'm fine. It's only shrapnel grazes." He went back to fussing at things to calm down. Bucky came in to get some water. Scott pointed. "Spring water?" He got a cup and some water out of the bottle system then walked out. Steve leaned in. "Spring water service?" He pointed with a grin. Steve got a cup and got his own, going to find Bucky to talk to him. Scott shook his head. "Bromance, yeah right," he muttered as he cleaned.
Stark found the storage room full of naqqadah and stared. "What is this?" he asked.
"Naqqadah," Valkyrie said, sounding pleased. "We went to loot in a realm where their program got shut down with another Xander. He went looking for mystical artifacts. We needed something for a battle."
Tony Stark looked up. "I saw that show more than a few times."
She laughed. "It does come in handy when you have to blow the fuck out of a portal." She hummed. "We weren't the only attack. There was one in Cleveland but it was by demons." She hummed again. "I think they have it. We can send weapons."
Hope leaned in. "Let me suit up, Val." She smirked at Stark. "I've been up here a few times. I helped when Xander lost his eye too." She walked off. "Scott, pick me some weapons so I can go help the slayers," she yelled. He got into his own suit and they went to help the slayers with some of Xander's homemade weapons. "Hey," she said with a nod at one of the staring slayers. "We just had aliens invading because we took down Thanos. This...is rather calming at the moment." She and Scott fired off their weapons. The slayers cheered and dove back into the battle. She and Scott ran up to help. They were heroic that way.
Stark looked at the feed when he found the tv room. "We need something bigger to end that portal."
"That's magic and it'll take magic to end it," Strange said from his spot watching it. "I could go help," he offered.
"No you cannot," the ship said. "Those sort eat certain types of magic. It would take chaos magic to end it. You'd just be a snack, Sorcerer. Just like Rosenburg had to be removed."
"Would that staff help?" Strange asked.
"Yes but I cannot give it to a chaos mage. It could be dangerous." She hummed. "Xander....stay in bed!"
"Shut up," got called. "I can go help them with weapons. I can fire weapons." He grabbed two things from his workshop and then something from the storage area, putting it into one of the things he grabbed. "Okay." He touched the staff and it sent him there since Valkyrie wasn't going to. He held up something. "Magic eater?" he guessed. "Should shut the portal most of the way?" A slayer grabbed it and told the others. Hope grabbed it so she and Scott could get it onto the portal. Xander pulled up the other thing and fired on the demons. Nice, wide purple beam so he turned it down and went back to it.
Andrew ran up to him and took it from him. "Let me. You're injured." He fired. Xander pointed at the beam setting button then pulled out a second one to use. Two guys with mystically powered laser cannons helped a lot more than one. The portal twisted as it got eaten and the demons all screamed but the portal went down with a snap of displaced air. Scott and Hope were fighting on that side of the battle with Faith and Buffy.
Xander and Andrew were helping clear the way for the slayers to clean up the battle and get out of there safely. Andrew looked over as Xander passed out. "Shit. Valkyrie!" he bellowed. "Someone darted Xander!" She made him, Scott, and Hope all disappear. Andrew picked up the second weapon to hand to Bobbi Morse when she ran over to his position. Lance followed and took the other cannon to use. Andrew sat down with a sigh of pleasure. "Thank you." He passed out.
"It must feed on personal energy," Bobbi said. She hit the remains of the portal and it blew up. The demons were killed by that. The slayers were standing around. "Let's get out of here, ladies," she called and waved. "Back to the center for cleaning up and health checks. Let the military guys here do the clean up." They nodded, trudging that way. Bobbi and Lance got the injured girls off the field and to the waiting ambulances. Here in Cleveland, no one was going to take a slayer hostage. Even the military. Andrew got sent with them. Bobbi nodded Lance to follow them. She could make the report when agents stomped over to find out what had happened this time.
Shuri looked at Xander as he reappeared, nodding. "Of course you got into another one." She tested his health. He was exhausted and it was eating his body. So she started an IV and got to work stabilizing him. Again. "I hope there is not a third one or I'll get to blow up somewhere," she decided. She looked outside when she saw the flash of the shield over Wakanda going around them. She sighed in pleasure, calling her team. "These three still need medical attention. Two are in stasis. Watcher Harris got up off the bed and went to help the slayers fight another battle." Her second-in-command nodded. "We're nearly back to the lake. We're on the ship."
"Yes, Princess. Our king?"
"Somewhere around here. You know he's not good at medical things." She waved a hand. "I know he survived or else I would've already killed him." They nodded and got ready for them to show up. "At least you had a reason to become a broken white boy that needed fixed," she told Xander. "We will guard you," she said when he moaned. "You are safe." He went limp and she got out of the way of the ambulance handlers when they came in. "Those two are in stasis beams."
They got them loaded and sent off then came back for the watcher, her following telling them what she had found about her patients. That new doctor that Stark had sent over to help was quite charming and had many ideas she could appreciate. Just not on Watcher Harris. She stopped him from being put into the regeneration chamber. "He has been exposed to demon blood," she told her. "I'm not sure if it'll work or even hurt him."
"All right. We can do this the more traditional way," Doctor Helen Cho said with a smile. "It's a pleasure to meet one with a mind like yours, Princess Shuri."
Shuri grinned. "It's always nice to meet people who have great ideas." They shook hands and went to work on the patients. When a tiny young woman ran in she picked her up and walked her out to hand to Stark. "Here, hold our future guardian before she smacks her watcher around for getting into two battles today." She went back to the infirmary.
Tin glared at him. "Let me go!" she growled. He put her down. Scott got in her way, staring down at her. "Two battles?" she demanded.
"Two battles," he agreed. "He went from ours against aliens who thought we might be dangerous for winning against Thanos to the demons in Cleveland who were trying to take over. Mostly he used weapons but he's seriously cut up and you don't need to see that at your age." She scowled and stomped a foot. He stared down at her. "I wouldn't let my daughter do it either and she's about your age. You're too young for that. You'll get to fuss over some of the other warriors before you get to fuss over Xander."
"I'll tell the other slayers!" she vowed.
He leaned down to grin at her. "That might keep Xander in a bed but it might make him run away and hide from all of you. He's not used to being fussed over. He's used to being told he's too normal and being nagged for fighting thanks to Buffy and Willow. You can protect them from the witches showing up." She nodded, looking determined. "For now, go tell the bulletin board that he's alive and just injured and tired. That you'll fuss over him. That way they know not to call to nag?"
She nodded, hurrying to do that from the local computers. Scott straightened up, grinning at Stark. "That's Tin. She's the local mini slayer. She's as fierce as anything but really loves animals." He looked at Hope, who was grinning. "She's a good girl." She came back with her new staff weapon. "Hold it in the center, Tin. You're dragging it." She snorted and flapped a hand at him, a move she had learned off Shuri. Hope went to help her learn how to use it better. Scott looked at the others. "Infirmary's that way I think," he said with a point.
Stark stared at him. "Quit playing stupid, Lang."
"I do try not to," he said dryly. His phone rang. He looked. "Hey, Cassie, good timing. We're just now done. Yeah, I can do that. No, I don't think we need to hide that one. Hope, Cassie said that everyone's saying we didn't just have two battles."
"Bullshit that'll work," Tin complained in her native language. She went to log into the palace's communication system, finding video from the battle from T'Challa's armor, and from Shuri's armor. They had uploaded them so the local military could look them over then it'd be released to the local news sources. She emailed that to the bulletin board for slayers and then to Cassie, grinning at Scott. "I like your daughter. She's a nice penpal." She strolled off with her staff weapon to beat someone who she didn't like but who was showing up to annoy them.
"My training auntie needs a better male slave," she told him. "You have no penis and you're not good enough to her." She stared at the guy she had just knocked down and beaten a few times. "It'll be days before she's feeling good enough to put up with you making her make pained noises instead of squealing like a rhino being bred. Go away." She pointed. The guy got up and limped off moaning and groaning.
She smiled at the staring warriors. "My training auntie does need someone who makes her squeal instead of groan. He's not good enough for her. Or those new cannibal goats I heard the Princess was looking at for shield defense." She skipped back to the infirmary to fuss over her training auntie and the other warriors she trained beside.
Scott grinned at Hope. "She's a great kid."
Hope smiled and nodded. "Very. Even though we both hope that Cassie doesn't feel like following you I'm glad she's got friends like Tin." She opened the throat closure on her suit with a sigh. T'Challa walked in wearing normal clothes and looking calm. "Tin's already driven off someone's boyfriend."
"She hates her training aunt's boyfriend," he agreed, smiling some. He uploaded the better files of the battle. "There, that should help that coverup." He sent it to Agent Ross as well as a few news people they worked with. He walked off. "There's guest quarters so you can clean up," he noted. "This way, people." They followed him. His mother took over but she was generous that way. T'Challa went to check on the people in the infirmary.
He paused at the doorway, looking around. Shuri noticed him then pointed. He nodded, going to talk to his former girlfriend, who was in a bed with a bad set of ribs and a busted spleen. She groaned when she saw him but he sat beside her with a smile. "I know you will heal, as you are great," he said quietly. "As you proved earlier by taking down many aliens." She frowned at him. He grinned. "I will not let Tin fuss over you for a bit either."
"You're quite welcome." He squeezed her wrist. "I am thankful you were there but you worry me stupid, Nakia," he said quietly. "If you die, my sister would have to set me up with someone and I doubt her judgement since she ignores so many that stare at her in awe." She giggled, holding her ribs. Shuri shot him a dirty look from where she was checking on some of them. "You do." He looked at her again. "You will make my hair white before it's time so try not to die on purpose?"
"I am a warrior like others."
"I know, and that thrills me, but I do not want to lose you. Who else would remind me that I have bad thoughts?" She smiled. He squeezed her wrist again. "Let me go check on people." He got up and walked off, patting one of the warriors he was friends with on the shoulder. "I will tell your spouse you are here." She whined. He grinned. "It is a spouse's job to fuss."
He looked back at then at her. "Thankfully she refused me so I don't have to learn from my mother yet. I don't think I'd be as effective as Tin will be at it." He walked off smiling, calling the tribe he wanted. "She is resting comfortably from her broken hip and torn shoulder. She has a few small injuries but those will keep her in bed for a bit and she groaned when I noted it was a spouse's right to fuss."
The tribal leader smiled at him. "It is. She usually hides from such."
"Shuri has her tied to the bed."
"I'll be there in an hour or so. Thank you for alerting me."
"It is not a problem. She needs more softness before she turns Tin mean." She huffed from up the hallway but he just smiled at the tribesman before hanging up. "You can fuss over your watcher in a few days."
"Fine. I can wait. I do take lessons in patience," Tin told him.
"It's good for everyone. I had much the same in my own lessons." He patted her on the head as he walked past her. "It'll be fine. He's not that injured."
She nodded, leaning against the wall until someone came near the infirmary. Thankfully her mother brought her lunch when she brought the soup for the patients.
Buffy stood up to the guy trying to force his way to her slayers. "What do you mean *two* battles today?" she demanded. The guy backed off slowly and carefully. "I know we had one. Where was the other one?"
"Your watcher in Africa was there before he showed up here somehow to help your girls. I really...."
Buffy glared at him. "Do we have footage or are they trying to cover it up?"
"We have footage from battle cams. It's been released to the press to stop the coverup. Your girls...."
"My girls are just fine. I don't appreciate you trying to change that. So therefore hop in your little jeep and blow off. You don't come near the slayers."
"I'm here to protect you girls. Some people are gathering to harm the house with them in it."
Buffy glared at him. "Then they'd better pray and start doing battles themselves." She leaned back. "Guys, the military guy said that there's people who want to hurt us by blowing us up in the house." She stood up straight again. "There, all fixed." She smirked a tiny bit. "Thanks for that tip."
He nodded. "We can guard the house."
"As long as you do it from off the property. You're freaking out our minis because the last time the military showed up a few of them got tortured." He nodded, heading back to call that in. She relaxed, growling some. One of the older girls leaned out to hand her a cup of iced tea. "Can we move the minis?" she asked quietly.
"No. The witches say they're exhausted and there's no reason. They scried and said no one was coming. We have differing opinions from the PTB though. Whistler said there wasn't any danger and Cordelia said there was."
Buffy sipped her tea. "I trust Cordy. She was one of my slayerettes," Buffy said quietly. "They can hide things from Whistler because he's loyal to the PTB."
She nodded. "I'll tell the watchers." She went in to do that. A witch went on a tirade about it not being sensible. That no one would do such things.
Buffy leaned in the doorway. "We've nearly had the house blown up three times now, Miss Maisy. Yeah, humans are like that because they hate being saved by young women. It ruins their macho times or something." She looked over her shoulder. "Shit. So much for the military people. Ladies, hit the emergency buttons!" she yelled, rushing for the guy with the RPG by the gate.
He almost managed to fire it but it went up instead. It got exploded by someone flying past there. Buffy glanced up then went back to hitting that guy. She got off him when all he could do was moan in pain. "So much for protecting us," she told the military guy as she walked past him. The flying guy landed so she stared at him. "I kinda recognize the costume thanks to Andrew. Thank you for that help."
"Welcome. People are worried that your girls are in danger so I'm going to lurk."
"Can you drive off the military guys who didn't stop that one?"
"Yup. I can do that." He called in. "Falcon here. Slayer house in Cleveland has a military jeep full of soldiers who did not stop the guy with the RPG missile system from trying to fire on the house. I'm stationed here to guard the girls."
"Copy that," a female voice said. "Have them evacuate if you can. Not to the main hideout in England if possible. Try for a more hidden hideout."
He looked at her. "The witches said they weren't going to do anything," Buffy told him. He repeated that. "Is that the lady from SHIELD who had the fit about us? It sounds like her."
"Yeah, she's heading Stark security for the Avengers," Falcon said with a grin.
"Oh, well, at least she appreciates us now. I'd like to hear about this other battle they said someone had."
"It's on the news," he said with a nod inside. "Go rest. I've got out here." He deployed a few UAV to fly around the house. She smiled and went inside to demand the minis be taken somewhere safer than here. Falcon settled up the tree in the front yard to watch everyone. Especially those military people. When a familiar face got there he warned the girls. It was great fun watching the hellhounds that had been resting in the garden come out to eat that idiot general.
Ross couldn't flee fast enough to get away from them. Sucked to be him but at least he had earned his time in hell. He sent film of that in so it could be shared with those that Thunderbolt Ross had bothered for years. He shared where one of the older slayers brought out some pepto for the hellhounds too. It was sweet of them to care for their dogs that way.
Scott waved with a grin when someone stomped into the meeting room he was using to send on reports. "Hey, howareya?" he asked with a smile.
"Don't give him anything," a female voice called. "He's one of Watcher Harris' dates."
Scott grinned at the guy. "If you're here to fuss over Xander, he's still in the healing system in the infirmary. He lost his spleen and a few ribs."
The man shook his head. "I was not but I can stop over to check on him for the others who would like him." Scott smiled at that. "I came to talk to him about that ship of his."
"Valkyrie? He inherited it from himself in the future."
"I...oh. Someone thought she was his."
"I doubt that since apparently I helped him build her."
"That one ordered us to bring his ship back to him."
"She's a powerful lady who can defend herself. And if not, Xander's going to fuck someone up. He might even get out of the bed and growl." He heard an explosion outside and leaned back. "Was that Valkyrie protecting herself?" he called.
"It was King Thor protecting her honor," a warrior called back. "She's thanking him in Asgardian I think."
Scott smiled at him. "You can tell that other guy that Valkyrie is Xander's and if he's Xander's as well he might share her but she is sentient. Also, tell him not to give Xander a reason to be pissed off after two battles. It's probably a bad idea for him to go fully evil this week." The guy nodded quickly and backed off. "Thanks." He smiled and pointed. "If you wanted to visit with Xander, he's in there." Thor stomped in. "Thank you for defending Valkyrie, Thor. Do I need to go help her?"
"Nay. I freed the thing that they did so she could not act on her own. She is quite peeved." He looked around then at Scott. "None of the others?"
"Meeting's after dinner."
"I will talk of things then."
"Do you know anything about the aliens that tried to invade?" He used his phone to pull up their pictures. "These ones invaded a nearby valley to take out humans for being able to win against huge enemies. Considered us dangerous for that."
Thor took the phone to look at then sighed. "They are dangerous and would not want someone who could defeat them being around," he said as he handed it back. "Did they manage to win?"
"Hell no," Stark said as he walked out. "Harris was starting to win when we showed up to help him thanks to the ship." He shook Thor's hand. "Is she okay? I saw you hit someone for her."
"She should be now."
"I can go make sure," Scott said, standing up and strolling off. He ran into Erik glaring a guy he recognized from the files Xander had. He pointed. "He's in the infirmary after losing his spleen and a few ribs. He's not quite up to visitors but having a lover there doing it means the slayers can't." He smiled. "I've already intercepted Buffy calling to nag." The arms dealer sighed but went in there to hover over his former lover. Scott looked at Erik. "He's in one of Xander's files."
"I need a copy of those," Erik complained.
"Well, I'm going to protect the ship so you're welcome to come browse around if she'll let you." Erik nodded, following him out to the ship. They cautiously ignored finding Shuri crying but she was stressed out. They had both been there after battles. Scott settled in to reinitialize her personality matrix while Erik browsed Xander's office for files on various people that he had dated and gotten help for the slayers from. Maybe some of them were trustworthy enough to come baby Xander for a bit.
Rupert Giles got called to the next intelligence agency meeting. He smiled and nodded cordially at most of the people, ignoring one of them. Phil Coulson sat next to him. "Your people have been most helpful for the last few weeks. Thank you for that support," he said quietly.
"Avengers aren't my people anymore, they're their own team, but I will pass that along." He smiled slightly. "How is your watcher in Africa?"
"I have not heard from him. I've heard from Mr. Lang that he was alive and healing well. I've heard from his ship a few times because she and Mr. Lang had stopped some nagging via phone calls. Is he truly all right?"
"From what we heard, his spleen ruptured, he broke some ribs, and has a few torn muscles. The medical team in Wakanda is keeping him sedated so he can't try to escape the mini slayer there fussing."
Giles took off his glasses to polish them. "I would hope he could." Coulson gave him an odd look. "When the slayer imprint was first created, when Sineya was first created, she was about eighteen in a cave living society," he told him.
"Ah! And the girls who were younger may have access to some of her more adult thoughts."
"That plus any that would've been left by the other slayers," he agreed. "We do worry about that a bit but we know Xander is not prompting them to talk to her spirit about those issues. He tries his best to make sure the children stay children for as long as possible. We do know that the slayer imprint can pop up ideas to give to the girls during problems however. I would not want that slayer to be harmed that way."
"I'm sure they watch out for that."
"I would hope so if they're aware of it." He grimaced and put his glasses back on. "Though if any of them might fuss too much I would peg that to be Ara. She's already a mother and likes Xander like an older brother already."
"I doubt it'd happen and by reports we have she was flirting with Scott Lang." Giles smiled at that. "Apparently her daughter adored napping on him and he was remembering when his own daughter was that age."
"It is sweet. Yewubdar is quite the little hellion to hear her mother talk. We still have to test her to see if she was possessed by a hunting cat of some kind or another too." He looked at the others. "What did we find out about that second battle? Xander hasn't been allowed to wake up long enough to submit a report."
"Keeping an injured warrior in the hospital probably does require sedation," the head of the CIA said. He clicked the remote from the middle of the table. "This is the file that Agent Ross got from Wakanda's future slayer. She hacked or somehow copied the battle footage from some body cameras and put it up so they'd quit trying to hide it." They watched the battle go on. "Are they demons?" he asked.
"No," Giles said. "They are not."
"According to Mr. Stark, who was summoned to the battle via Harris' ship, they were aliens. They were worried we'd be a strong warrior group who could defeat bigger things, like them. So they were trying to weaken us. They came because we beat Thanos," Phil Coulson said. He put up that report. He looked at Giles. "Did the ones in Cleveland come from the same source?"
"No, they were demons," he admitted. "They may be allies of that species of alien but they came to see if we were weak enough to be taken over. Thankfully someone showed up with weapons as that particular portal would've taken chaos magic to get it down."
"Is that different from the others?" the head of the FBI asked.
"Yes," Giles said with a nod and a slight smile. "Many of them, any sort of energy that cuts their feed will do. Some take a more specific form of higher energy like a weapon. Or in this case a specific type of magic to counter what was being used to open the portal. The Devon coven couldn't help with that one because they use earth magic. The demons were smart enough, or well educated enough, to go directly after Willow first thing. She uses a blended form of magic so some of it could be chaos magic, or even pulled directly from the hellmouth. That would be universal magic and energy, which is much like a multi-purpose cleaner of magic."
"Some take weapons?"
"Some take more explosive and higher energy forms. Earth magic is made up of plant, sunlight, and other natural energies. Higher levels of magic or energy can rely on things that aren't so nature based. In the case of the portals that need higher energy weapons we need a burst of energy that's usually unable to be gotten from magic. A much higher, sudden, output of energy at one specific spot or so."
"So if you had someone who could blast energy the same way a laser cannon fires they could do the same thing," the head of the FBI said, then looked at Coulson.
"We don't have anyone in our books who can fire energy that way," Coulson told them. "If so I would gladly have the train with the slayers for emergencies that they could help with."
Giles smiled at him. "Not even those in the comic books can usually put out power that way."
"A few may be able to but we don't think those were based on real people," Coulson said. "I was a comic book person in my younger years." He smiled at him. "Though I am still in awe of Mr. Wells' collection."
"As are some of the girls, who still don't understand it." He cleared his throat. "A few were truly horrified that people actually got into superhero suits and went to handle things as well. Miss Morse was most amused at their reaction to battles by your team."
"The Avengers can do good work," Coulson agreed with a hint of pride. He had assembled most of that team in his earlier days. "They need to figure out how to work together again."
"I was most amused that Mr. Lang's ability is to talk to ants," Giles said with a smile for him. "He showed off how to do that to a few of the minis when he was helping Xander with his ship."
"On that ship," the head of the FBI said. "Someone else is trying to claim he made it."
"Xander made it in the future and brought it back to himself," Giles said. "That idiot should probably shut up before Xander climbs out of his bed and proves he is quite overprotective of it. Especially since I'm told they went to loot a nearby realm of weapons and mystical artifacts to help with battles. I would loathe to see what Xander did to them for it or handle the international incident it would create. I daresay the slayers would nag quite firmly about that international incident."
"Yes they would," the head of the NSA said dryly. "Where did they go?"
"That show with the ring gateway? A world where it had been shut down." He smiled. "He did leave some of those cannibal goats there to guard the ring so nothing could come through it."
"So his ship probably has naqqadah based weapons?" the head of the FBI demanded.
"No, he has naqqadah itself," Coulson said. "Due to an incident that got a picture of a different version of our Xander Harris, we learned he had some naqqadah itself." He pulled up that report for them. "We took it as the clear warning it was."
"As did I," Giles agreed. "Especially not to let anyone who might think that Xander would use the power gently to elect him as president. He is a bit wild and I doubt they'd appreciate him dating arms dealers in the white house."
"Is that a convention?" the head of the FBI asked.
Coulson nodded. "Two years ago I'm told. That one," he said, using the laser pointer. "Was turned on by his people and ended up being taken in by a world class thief and gunman. He ended up being an excellent one himself and was the reason we have cannibal alien goats." A few moaned at that. Giles just shook his head with a sigh. "Though they are very handy as they eat everything that they can chew on."
"I'm told chocolate cures that for a bit," Giles said.
"I've heard and passed that on. It kept them from eating the people studying them." He pointed at another one. "This one was from an assassin's family. His father was mobbed up and moved his son to Sunnydale to protect him." He pointed at another one. "This one, and his semi-twin, were actually not naturally on the same plane originally. The older one was sent off realm by a number of demons who thought he might make sure the slayers win.
"He was sent with a few hunters and a few wizards to their own world until a wish was cast, then he got to go help a younger version of himself. They somehow have a whole army of action figured sized Xander Harris' to help them with things." He smiled slightly at the shuddering going on. "A few of the were CSI's. The one where he was put in as president was because the people felt protected by him."
"If we had guys like him, can they be sent to the Council?" the head of the NSA asked.
"We would accept their applications for watcher training but I'm not sure if some of the older ones would put up with another version of Xander. They do consider him a bit warping and odd, plus that he's running a bit wild in Africa after all he's handled."
"I'm just glad we don't have as many hell god temples here in the US," the head of the FBI said.
"We have six that I know of," Giles told him. "Mostly they're quiet and peaceful to avoid notice. I sent Faith to make sure of it."
"Do your people have plans of helping Harris raise some future watchers?" the head of the FBI asked him.
"I don't believe he's fertile and Xander is more the sort to adopt the younger slayers that need a family." He smiled. "If he should somehow end up with children we'd of course be loving family for them while he learned how to settle in one spot again. Though probably long distance since I don't believe he'd trust the US to not try something against the girls again so he'd have set up a peaceful spot for them to be hidden in."
"We would never," the head of the NSA started. Coulson put up a video of them trying something. "That was...." Another video, this one date stamped a week earlier. "Oh. That was not ordered."
Coulson looked at him. "I'd hope not. It's sad that HYDRA protected the slayer." The other man shrank back down. He looked at Giles. "Have others tried to get near the girls?"
"No. They have made it plain that they consider the girls' duty to be important and not something they're interested in handling themselves so the girls will be left alone. Possibly forever because I do believe Xander has some sort of life debt that will be paid off by a true hydra showing up to court them romantically."
"That's....I want film of that," Coulson decided. "We know one of the girls is related to your single HYDRA member."
"Yes, I believe his niece is one. Frankly, we have to find people who can support the girls both during their normal times and their battle times. It's rather difficult to find people who will back up the slayers without pushing them down for being young women with a called duty. I was wary about that one but he proved he was there to back up the slayers. That was before Xander had a talk with him about that romantic hydra he could find them. Then that one young girl sent a few demons to talk to their people about leaving the slayers be after a demonic poker contact had told her what HYDRA meant."
"We had notes on that event but no idea why," Coulson admitted. "It was clearly helpful."
"Quite. Now all we have to worry about is the military and other government sources of problems, and the local yahoos as the national news called them." Coulson put up a film from Falcon's housesitting for the safety of the slayers. A few of the agency heads winced. "We would hope that was not something that would be repeated. We were not in a good mood that day thanks to that battle."
The others looked at each other. "Would Harris give up that ship?" one asked.
"No. Why would he give up something he built in a few years?" Giles asked them. "He is allowed to own and make things, gentlemen. She has protected him and the slayers down there more than once as well. She is a valuable ally."
"We think it makes him more dangerous," another one said.
Giles nodded. "Quite possibly but as proven by him having her help to get out of a situation where someone here had bribed a general down there to take my watcher hostage to torture and do experiments on, I do value that ship more than most of you."
"We'd like him to calm down."
"We'd all like him to not have any other battles he has to help with but that is not the way the world works," Giles said. "If it were so, my girls wouldn't have to worry about things like proms and graduations being interrupted by a battle. Until that is so....we do as we must with what we have. Though I do believe that Xander will someday unload most of what's on his ship into a safe storage area, I doubt it'll be this week."
"Is there some reason things have been so hectic?" Coulson asked.
"Not truly. I think it's more that you and others notice things now so you realize they happen. Before it was more hidden so most of you could ignore it."
"The invasion in LA was too big to hide," the head of the FBI agreed.
"In the old days, the old Council used to cover things up by sometimes taking out the normals who had witnessed it. Thankfully we grew out of that in the 1800's." His phone beeped with a message. "Sorry, I thought I had turned that off." He read the warning from Xander's vision and sighed, putting his phone up. "I do loathe visions."
"Another battle soon?"
"Not exactly. Someone taken by a lover who got jealous that could lead to death if they're not rescued soon enough. Usually he only sees apocalypse battles but sometimes smaller things do lead into larger problems. That one would probably lead to the girls rioting to save her."
Phil nodded. "Some of them would do it so they didn't have to call in for help. A few of your teenage girls are very...stubborn."
"They have learned that there's very few they can count on to help. Even the local police treat us as a necessary evil." He grimaced. "They do tend to hush up anything as fast as they can."
"They do the same to any battle the Avengers have, as long as it's not hit national news," Coulson agreed. "Just so people won't complain."
"The girls got some of that in the malls and such. They tended to shoot back about how those people would make horrible food sources for the demons that would've killed them. That seems to have stopped most of those complaints outside a few churches. One of which tried to take out a demonic nursery center. I don't believe they got given bail thankfully. Buffy was all for going to kick them around."
"I don't envy you having to work so closely with the community," Coulson told him. "It would drive me further 'round the bend when I had to use tact and diplomacy to stop complaining like that."
Giles smiled at him. "Quite but then there's a night of scotch usually. I've walked in and had Buffy or Faith had me my usual glass to sip before I got anywhere near my office and the reports it contained. It was rather sweet of them so I didn't go beat a few young men who decided they were entitled to a young woman's body against her will."
"Boys like that need a bit of firm guidance from a bat," the head of the FBI said. "I have daughters."
Giles smiled at him. "Exactly. The girls had handled it before I heard, or even before Xander heard and had it handled for them."
"Why did none of you call in help for either battle?" the head of the NSA asked.
"Xander had tried. They denied him help for that one," Giles said. "Ours, we did ask the local officers for help and they swore up and down that the local agents' response teams were on the way for over an hour. It appears they couldn't get out of their garage." He cleared his throat as he looked at his seat mate. "Your people worried the girls a bit until Mr. Barton explained that Falcon was out there to protect them from more agents showing up. They hadn't heard that a few had tried very hard. When explained, the girls nicely brought him out lunch and cookies."
"I'm sure he appreciated that," Phil Coulson agreed, smiling at him. "I know not many people do appreciate what they do to protect them. Veterans get the same sort of treatment, and actually Falcon's usual job is as a counselor for the VA. I hadn't thought of it but your girls might be able to ask him if they need advice."
"That might help many of the girls. They don't really have people who they can lean on as a parental figure or as someone to give advice when they need it. I'll have Buffy talk to him later. Thank you for letting me know. Mr. Barton?"
"No, he's a former agent and used to work in a carnival but he might be able to give some limited advice. He's a good man and has a family."
"I might let them ask him then. We've ordered the girls to not bother them if they're in to help with lessons and the like. Even though I did have to stop that deplorable pinching habit some of the girls grew next to Mr. Barton's behind twice."
Coulson burst out in snickers, nodding. "I'm sure Clint was a bit confused but he's used to that sort of thing sometimes. I didn't hear he was offended by it."
"He challenged them to sparring and managed to lose a few times but otherwise no, he didn't seem to be."
"Clint's a good guy," Coulson assured him. Giles smiled back and nodded.
"Did you two know each other before this?" the head of the NSA demanded.
Coulson looked at him. "One meeting where I offered SHIELD's help for things. Otherwise no. It's just that we both have the security of the world in our hands and we can work together fairly well by understanding what the other is handling."
"It looked like a date," the head of the FBI said with a smirk.
"Don't tell the girls that, they'll start to...oh, what is that word. Ship, yes, they'll start to ship it."
Coulson burst out laughing, nodding at that. "I have a few agents like that too. Daisy definitely would and talk others into it." He looked at the other agency directors. "I don't believe I'm dating at this time because I have too much to get done. Until I get some things straightened out I don't have time to donate to a relationship."
Giles' phone turned itself back on. "Oh, dear. That's Xander's ship. Yes, Valkyrie?" he asked politely. "Is it an emergency?"
"Xander just had a vision," Scott Lang said. "Of someone turning on soulmate markings in this universe. He said it wasn't the same shot as Lavelle had, which I have no idea about, but that it might be wish based and may be because one of the girls really just wished she had a boyfriend." Giles moaned and shook his head. "It'd be like the stories, with the first words spoken to you, but he thinks that they're going to make that accidental wish tonight or tomorrow. So can you please stop them before we all have to freak out about that? Because a lot of really good friends would end up being linked that way and they might not like the gay sex as he put it. Though he was looking at the bed Rogers was napping on."
"I can definitely talk to the young one. Which one, did he have any idea?"
"Abigail. Then he made motions around his head like her hair was done up fancy."
"I know which one that is and I'll gladly talk to her later tonight. Thank him for the warning and have him call when I get back so I can put him on injury leave."
"I can do that," he said. "Thank you." He hung up.
Giles hung up and put his phone into his pocket. "That's not a good thing. Abigail is our slayer presently in Japan for a study abroad thing." He smiled. "If you'll excuse me, I have to go warn her not to make a wish. I doubt I'd want discomfited by having Ethan be my soulmate." He nodded and took his notes with him to call her from outside. At least he did manage to get that warning across before his rented car and driver were stopped and he was hauled out of it. And it was rather nice that Lance Hunter managed to get him free later. He blinked at him. "How did you find me?"
"Your phone." He helped him out of the chains. "C'mon. I left Bobbi and a few others kicking butt." He helped him out and handed him to Bobbi to help while he defended them.
Xander rubbed his forehead. It was just after that second vision. "I need to go blow up the NSA," he muttered. He looked at his phone. "Valkyrie, send that first vision to the watchers, especially the HYDRA and SHIELD ones."
"I can do that. I hope he'll be okay."
"No worse than he was when Angelus was torturing him." He sat up, holding his chest, and grabbed his glass of ice water to sip. "It looks like they're the ones behind the idea to steal you too, dear."
"I don't think that would work. Though I shouldn't bring down a government agency, I might."
He grinned. "We do what we must do," he agreed. "So others are protected."
"So true. Lay back down, Xander."
"Fine. Lay back down afterward."
"Yes I am, and I should nag about all the naqqadah you have stored. It might be dangerous. I'd hate to be blown up."
"I'd hate that too. I'm going to put that into a safer storage system soon, dear."
"Thank you! Can Scott help? He's up here right now to protect me."
"No, I need to build the boxes."
"Fine. I'll have him work on the boxes you have on your workbench."
"Leave a lot of that. That's for the big thing we'll need for the next invasion problem in the desert. Which will probably take a lot of that stored naqqadah."
"I remember that vision. Thankfully not in an inhabited area."
"Hmm. We can figure that out. Go back to your rest, Xander."
"Yes, dear." He laid back down. He caught Bucky staring and shrugged. "She's a lot nicer at nagging than the slayers are," he told him. "The slayers just nag that I was in a battle and I'm normal so shouldn't be able to do that stuff."
"No, you're not normal," Bucky assured him. "Can I get the training that you give to adults about battle stuff?"
"Sure. It's on the ship in my truck. I can have someone bring it to you."
"Thanks. I don't want to let the little one you're training into one."
"Me either. She's to be a little girl for as long as she can."
Bucky nodded. "That's how I'd want it too. Thanks."
"Not a problem." He laid back again, texting that to his ship so she could remind someone to bring it. Steve came in with lunch for Bucky, getting a grunt back for it. Xander relaxed and wondered if he could have real food tonight or if it was soup again.
Shuri checked on her patients, frowning at things. "Why aren't you eating?" she demanded to the two white boys under her tender mercies.
"I did when Steve brought me food," Bucky said. Xander was asleep or something. Nothing was waking him up. "When was the last time someone brought him food?"
She looked at the chart then scowled as she stomped off. "Why did you not take care of our patients?" she demanded.
"They cause problems!"
"Both are in the infirmary because they saved us all from an alien invasion," Shuri said. "They do not cause us any problems."
"One is where he should not be."
"Not this again!" Shuri shouted. "I do not want Watcher Harris that way! It's a rumor by stupid ones who want what they'll never be worthy of."
"I meant the other," the nurse sneered. "It's clear your mind is altered."
Shuri hit her, knocking her down. She was stomping her into the floor when her mother interrupted by showing up and clearing her throat. "Princesses do not brawl like common thugs," the queen mother noted calmly.
"The princess should not have to stomp someone for intentionally trying to kill the two warriors who saved all our asses recently."
"Nor do they swear," her mother said more firmly.
She looked up. "My brother did not have that law put onto him. Sometimes warriors must swear at the things going on that they must fix."
"Boys are not princesses," Romanda reminded her patiently.
She snorted. "If a boy wanted to be a princess I would gladly give him lessons." Her mother scowled. "This one was trying to kill White Wolf and Watcher Harris by starving them after they saved us all." She got off the nurse and huffed off. "This princess will manage to find the kitchen. Before I have to have more medical help given to my patients."
Romanda looked at the crying nurse then walked off to have someone escort her out of her job. Her daughter's temper needed to be helped. She stopped her daughter when she came back. "Do you perhaps like one of those two beyond liking their saving of you?"
"Not you too!" she complained, scowling at her mother. "I am not going to sexually molest either of them, Mother! They're both handsome and good warriors but are not what is acceptable and I understand that. Even if I wanted to heave myself at them because my heart beat their pattern, I would not because I know it's not a good idea." She stared at her. "I am allowed male friends, Mother. The same as you had." She walked around her, going to bring food to them. Xander woke up when she poked him. "Food? I've stomped on the nurse that refused to feed you."
"Thank you," he groaned as he sat up to take his food. "I'll send up prayers to your greatness later." She giggled as she walked off. He inhaled his lunch then laid back down. Bucky was shaking his head. "She has a crush on my ship. Valkyrie might have to make a robotic body to fuss over her princess."
"Hey!" Shuri complained. "I could not fall for a robot. They're not soft in the right spots."
"Have you met Natalie yet?" Xander quipped. "One of Andrew's friends made his own girlfriend. You can't really tell. He made a copy of Buffy too. I couldn't tell when they were together unless they were talking about her repair functions."
"Why would someone make a robot of the Slayer Buffy?" Bucky asked.
"Her vampire boyfriend asked him to."
Bucky stuffed his mouth before he moaned, groaned, or sighed about that.
Shuri was looking up and praying that she did not have to meet those sort anytime soon. That was taking technology too far for her. She got Xander more food so he couldn't spout anything like that again. It would save her sanity and he needed the food anyway.
Xander was handed a phone by one of the Dora Milaje warriors that night. He read the topic then groaned. He answered it. "No, the worst case scenario for a hidden slayer is someone like Princess Mia from those princess movies," he typed. "Because she couldn't give up her throne as queen to do slayer things and yet they'd still try to attack her. Though there is one lesser royal that is a slayer, she has decided to hide it from everyone until she's attacked."
He sent that and watched the younger slayers all go off on that tangent instead. He got into the other open topic, staring at the phone oddly. "What the fuck?" he muttered. The warrior smiled and nodded. "Please make sure Tin has some sense, common and otherwise." He got into that screen. "No, there is no volunteering for a battle in the Carribean so you get bikini time. You won't have time before or after to enjoy the beach.
"If you want beach time that much, Cleveland isn't that far from the beaches in Maryland and Virginia or you can take a real vacation. Trust me, taking on a battle in your underwear or naked is a bad idea. Been there, done that, the country covered it up so ask Giles." He sent that and handed the phone back, shaking his head as he laid back down. "Goddess damn it, Buffy has no sense," he muttered. She walked off laughing.
"Did the slayers really volunteer to go to a battle so they could have bikini time?" Bucky asked from across the room.
"Yup," Xander said dryly, then grimaced. "Buffy started that one. I have no idea why they have no sense. Most women have more sense than that. I hope."
"I doubt any woman would volunteer for a battle just to spend time in a skimpy swimsuit on a beach," Bucky agreed, giving Xander an odd look. "Is that normal?"
"Some days," he said, looking at him. "Yeah. Not always thankfully. And not the slayers down here. Just the ones in the US and Europe. The ones in Asia would be horrified about bikinis. They all enjoy the nude beaches. The ones in Brazil's house too."
Bucky shook his head. "You do strange things."
"Yup, but someone's got to handle the demonic emergencies. Even if I do make Erik drink heavily each time I do." He grinned. "He's kinda freaked out by swords."
"I would be too, kid." He got comfortable again. The kid got to sleep again so that was nice. Bucky was still up when Steve came back. "Do you handle things with a sword too?"
"No. The only time I've helped the slayers with a battle we had guns. Swords might freak me out."
Bucky just nodded. So maybe it was just the kid being insane that drove others to drink.
Clint Barton pulled his phone over when it woke him up. He read it then sat up to reread it. He sent his ex-wife a bit of sanity as asked for because that was just...wrong. He took his phone with him to Natasha's room, handing it to her. "Bobbi can't quite break the weird idea problem without hurting their feelings."
She read it, frowning at the idea. "If she wasn't a movie princess it might be a problem, yes. I can agree with that." She noted that idea on the bulletin board. Bobbi sent her a private message so she got into that topic thread. "Oh, my," she said then burst out laughing. "The girls are volunteering for a battle so they can sit on a beach." She looked up.
Clint took the phone back to look at it then groaned and shook his head quickly. "I can see why Bobbi's losing her sense of sanity." Natasha took the phone back to answer then handed it back. He went back to bed still shaking his head. He hoped his daughter never turned into that sort of teenage girl. He sent his wife a note about that so she could sidestep that idea. And one to Scott so he could do that for his own daughter.
Scott was having dinner with his ex-wife and Cassie when his phone went off. The new husband was out of town so he was helping his little girl be more normal. He read the message then groaned. "Cassie, when you're older, never volunteer for a battle because you want some bikini time and the battle's in the Carribean." He sent back a 'we'll have that talk tonight, thanks' to Clint's phone.
"What?" his ex-wife demanded. He let her have the phone so she could look. She read it and groaned. "Oh my god. No, Cassie has sense. She'll never volunteer to go into a battle, much less one near a beach so she has bikini time."
"Yeah, if I want bikini time I'll go lay out in the yard," Cassie quipped. "Or go to the pool." She stuffed her mouth with pasta.
"I think the girls need a pool at their house." He ate a bite of dinner. "So," he said once he swallowed. "I noticed you're doing gym stuff?"
"I was thinking about track and field stuff. Plus self defense training." She gave him a look. "I'm a pretty girl and I need self defense training because there's already creeps that call out of their cars as they drive past me."
"Yeah, that sort you do need self defense against," he agreed. "Do you yell back? Because sometimes that can make them come back."
"Usually but if they come back I've already moved on. I don't understand why ancient guys in crappy cars want to yell about me having boobs some day but be damned if I'm going to show them any I might grow."
Scott smiled and patted her on the head. "Good girl." She rolled her eyes but she was that age. Her mother was giving her an odd look. "They say that sexually harassing catcalls and stuff starts around nine or ten for a lot of girls. Do you think she's too young for pepper spray?"
His ex-wife looked at him, nodding at him. "Yes, she is."
"No, she's not," Cassie quipped back. "But she does need a new skateboard because she broke hers getting a junior high kid away from her butt he was trying to grope. The teacher huffed until I told her why. She told me next time to scream. I pointed out it would just bring his buddies since she didn't ever do anything unless a girl had to fight back and clearly she was against women having to protect themselves. She's probably still crying." She ate another bite.
Scott grinned at her. "I'll gladly buy you a new skateboard for that, Cassie. And I'll teach you how to punch. There's a few places most girls don't think about trying to hit that're really effective."
She looked at him. "I got that in first day self defense."
"In the throat?" he asked.
"Nooooo." He grinned at her. "Sure, you can teach me that, Dad." She ate another bite of dinner.
Her mother was still staring at her oddly. "How did that break the skateboard?"
"I broke it across his face, Mom. It kinda broke around his ear. The principal was really pleased she didn't have to get the security officer to beat him or shoot him to get him off a girl."
"Maybe an all girls school?" Scott suggested.
"Won't help. The girls are like reform school girls, Dad." She looked at him. "Some day I might like girls. I don't know yet but if I do I doubt it'll be the snobby girls like those are." She went back to her dinner.
"If you like girls, that's fine with me," he assured her, ruffling her hair with a grin. "If you like boys I'll have to beat them because teenage boys are disgusting." She rolled her eyes but went back to eating. He grinned at his ex-wife. "I'll see if I can get you some handcuffs."
"She has the ones in her bedside drawer," Cassie quipped.
"Those buckle so they don't work as easily or as fast," Scott quipped with a grin for her little girl. "She needs regulation cuffs with keys to lock up any boys that try you."
"Sure," his ex-wife agreed. "If you can steal some...."
He smirked at her. "I can probably do that." She groaned but dug back into her food.
Cassie was shaking her head again. "Some day I may want to date."
"Which means he'll have a talk about how it's your choice about what you do with your body but I'll kill him if he tries to push you faster than you want to go or at all."
"Dad, don't go back to jail over a boy," she complained, dropping her fork. "I'd hate that."
He smiled and patted her cheek. "Protecting you is worth doing the time." She hugged him but was rolling her eyes. "Maybe I'll ask Xander if there's a species that'll eat bad boyfriend attempts."
She poked him but got back into her dinner. Her mother was giving her an odd look again. She stared at her. "What?" she asked her mother.
"Trying to imagine you as an adult in college." She stuffed her mouth. "I guess I'm having empty nest thoughts prematurely."
Scott stared at her then grinned. "We did make a girl to be proud of and most of it was your hard work." She smiled and ducked her head but went back to eating. He ruffled Cassie's hair again, making her swat at him but it was all right. "I should bring a picture of you to show Ara. She's a slayer and her daughter is just over two years old. That way she knows what her daughter being a big girl is like. Yewubdar is sweet and cuddly. I got pity cuddles."
His daughter looked at him. "Really?"
"Really. I missed having you be that tiny that day. She was very happy to snore on me while gripping my hair. She even has this sweet little growly thing she does."
His daughter gave him an odd look then patted him on the hand. "Someday you'll have grandkids, Dad. I'd make a horrible big sister." She went back to her dinner so she could run off faster. Her parents were so weird tonight for some reason.
Tin was being nagged by her training aunt about driving off her boyfriend. "You still need one that makes you have happy noises, not groans of disgust like he did when I almost walked in on you two. Besides, he's tiny. You can't see anything of his male parts like you can on most men, even if he's wearing tight pants. Those ones he wore yesterday were tight enough that on someone like our king you could've seen how he was formed." Shuri was choking on her laughter in the corner but she ignored the silly princess. "Or on White Wolf, you could've seen more than that. Your boyfriend didn't even show that he had anything there. So clearly not man enough for a warrior such as yourself." She nodded before going to nag her watcher.
Xander stared at her. "Aren't you eleven?"
"Nearly twelve," she quipped with a grin. "In just two days."
"Then why were you staring at crotches?"
"I was trying to figure out why any woman would want something like that near her to pollute her. It looks weird."
"Yeah, and you probably won't find out until you're at least sixteen." Xander stared at her. "That's an adult topic and even if her boyfriend isn't man enough to measure up to guys like White Wolf over there, it's up to her to decide if he's good enough for her." He gave her a pointed look. "You should probably apologize for trying to drive him off and embarrassing your aunt."
She huffed. "Fine." She went back over there. "My watcher said I was being nosy when I should not have been and I'm sorry if I embarrassed you." Her aunt hugged her. "Why do girls even like those sort of things? It looks weird and there's no place for it to go!"
"There are places for it to go and that is a topic you will get a talk on when you're ready to touch a boy or a girl for yourself," her training aunt said firmly. "That is adult women things, not child things." Tin huffed again but nodded and went back to fuss at her watcher. She sent her boyfriend an apology from the tiny trainee warrior. Shuri sent out the video for her. She sighed and shook her head when she saw the first putdown from the tiny warrior-to-be. "Perhaps it's from the slayer imprint," she decided.
Xander looked over. "It does hold the memories of all the former slayers, including Buffy since she had died that time. Having had a talk with Sineya she knows she is not to teach any of the baby slayers anything too adult until they're ready for it. Unless it's necessary due to an attack so they can get away." The warrior smiled at him for that. "No, this is something a lot of modern girls do. Buffy's little sister actually had a crush on me at one time. Since some American girls are getting periods at eleven and boobs at eight and nine, it's sped up where it used to be."
Shuri shook her head. "I couldn't even imagine what having breasts at eight would've done to me." She walked off shaking her head. She found her mother and showed the film to her.
Romanda patted her daughter on the arm. "You did much the same thing but with less mouthiness, Shuri." She smiled. "Though she was right about that one's boyfriend not having very much that makes a man." Her son groaned. He was wandering around checking things to avoid some paperwork and had apparently heard them. Shuri showed him that video, making him smile until she came to him then he walked off blushing. "Don't worry, some day she'll find out that even men with very tiny manhoods can do other things to please their lovers." She walked off smiling.
"What?" Shuri demanded. "Have I had this talk?"
"I thought you got it from the internet, daughter," her mother called back.
Shuri grimaced. "I wasn't even interested in that until a few years ago. How would I know to look?" She walked off pouting. Her mother probably thought her husband would teach her about those things but with her luck she'd end up with a warrior who was all thrust and grunt and nothing else. Her whole people needed lessons in how to be more than a warrior in bed. She went to talk to Nakia about that. She showed her the video, making her blush too. "Mother said there's things those without anything down there can still do. She thought I found out from the internet."
Nakia patted her on the arm. "There are many ways that men can pleasure women. Or men if they swing that way."
"Does my brother?"
Nakia stared at her. "No comment. Go ask him." She smiled. Shuri huffed. "Haven't you even touched another warrior to ease the battle stress?"
"No! My mother would kill me!"
"Probably true. We can talk on that. Before you end up pregnant somehow from Watcher Harris' ship." She walked Shuri outside to the gardens to go over those things that men could do if you asked them nicely enough or taunted them into it. They saw T'Challa spot them then head in the other direction, still blushing. "Did he see?"
"Yup." She smiled. "Tin is most happy with what his outfits show apparently."
"We will unwarp her soon enough if her watcher can't."
"He already noted that was adult things to her."
"Yes it is. You are still young too, Shuri." She got back to her talk about men things. Because men things could ruin a woman if she wasn't careful.
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