Tales From A Half Lewis/Half Harris Set of Siblings.
Darcy looked up as she walked into her secure apartment in Stark tower and found one of her little brother's ex-girlfriends. "Ari, what's up?" she asked the amused looking spy/assassin. She put her bag down. "Need me to call Xander for you?"
Ari waved a hand, smiling at her to show off her new diamond tooth ornaments. "Nope. He's in Portugal with Bilabos." She smirked. "I'm here as the executor of a will of a guy we just took down for being too evil. He wanted you and Xander to have his little pet making machine." She pointed at the suitcase on the table. "No idea what it does but somehow he had a little humming, pink pet and a fire breathing one that was not easy to take out."
"Like on that tv show. The fire breathing lizard wouldn't die by shooting but one of my girls spotted his little ball thing so used it to suck him into it then we stomped it. Huge pop of noise and then a small bit of air but pop goes the monster." She waved a hand around again with a grin. "His will left that to you and Xander. He thought Xander would make sure you didn't use it for the wrong reasons, like that guy was about to. He had some sort of beam that would take his little humming friend huge so it could charm a whole city while he robbed the museums."
She stood up and kissed her, winking at her. "Have fun with it. Xander probably won't be back for at least a week. Bilabos is a bit possessive and once wanted to brand his name on Xander's poor butt cheek but Xander defeated him. This time he begged Xander to come help him since he's being haunted or hunted or something." She took another kiss then left. "We put the money into Xander's account because we figured he could use it more." She winked at her. "Don't use it to eat Hill. That's be too obvious." She disappeared up the hallway.
Darcy sat down to look at the suitcase around whatever device it was. "Why would a bad guy want to make pokemon?" she asked it. Thankfully it didn't answer her. That would be too weird, even for her brother.
Darcy carried the suitcase into the lab the next day. "Jane, someone left me this device that'll make me pokemon."
"What?" she demanded, turning around to stare at her. "Repeat that please?"
"One of Xander's ex's left me this machine that will make pokemon. Ari, that one that runs the Octopussy like group, remember her? She was the executor of the guy's will. He left me this pokemon making machine and Xander some money." She stared at her. "I have no idea how it works so want to look over the weird science before I make something by accident one night? There's one pokemon that helps pastry chefs so I could learn to bake better with it probably."
Jane blinked a few times, staring at her. "Please don't make monsters, Darcy. Please? I'll even let you have some vacation time if you don't make monsters."
"I'd probably never make something *harmful*, Jane. You know that." Jane just nodded, staring at her. "I thought we might want to look it over in case it's pulling them from some realm where pokemon are real instead of creating new ones."
Jane got up with a sigh to come help with the new machine. It was nicely compact and had a few pokemon cards sitting on top of it. They figured you had to put the card in the reader, and then it'd make an egg that would hatch after a few hours. Apparently that's how he had his, so somewhere there was still a Jigglypuff wandering around drawing on people it had hummed to sleep.
"Ari said he wanted the Jigglypuff to put a full town out so he could rob the museums," Darcy quipped with a grin. She looked at the three cards. "Torchic, Weedle, Slurpuff. Which one should we test?"
"We shouldn't build any one of them," Jane reminded her. "They'd be lonely without more of their kind."
"Most aren't pack or herd creatures."
"Yeah but we don't have teenagers going around to train them so they'd never evolve and they'd be miserable with us," Jane said more firmly. "Only create one if we really must to protect ourselves. Or I guess the world or something."
"Fine," Darcy sighed. "I have to tell Xander so he can go pick up that Jigglypuff though. If Ari didn't send it to a pound or something."
"Go tell Romanoff. Maybe an agent can get it. It might help them somehow."
"Maybe." She strolled off to find the spysassins. She ran into a few SHIELD agents instead. "Hey, guys. Did you hear about the guy that my baby bro's ex Ari had to take down?"
The agents stared at her. "You have that look of unholiness that your brother gets around the conventions," one of them told her.
She beamed and nodded. "The guy she took down left me a machine to make pokemons. Like real pokemons. There's a Jigglypuff somewhere."
The three agents stared at her. "What?" they demanded together.
She nodded. "He has a machine that you put a pokemon card into and it makes you an egg that'll hatch in a few hours. I was thinking about trying the Slurpuff card he left. They have amazing senses of smell and help pastry chefs so I could get a lot more baking done with it. And they're kinda therapy monsters because they go on how your scent is." She grinned.
One of them stared at her. "Can we confiscate that machine, Lewis?"
"Nope!" She beamed. "The next time the tower's invaded I'm going to set it off to create something to protect us."
He just nodded slowly. "We'd hate that."
"Ari said she took out the fire breathing one, which was probably Charmander or a Charizard. It didn't die by gunshot. She had to suck it into the pokeball and then stomp on the ball until it broke."
That same agent patted her on the shoulder. "Let us confiscate that?"
"You can go pick up the Jigglypuff. Ari didn't say she did anything to it." She grinned, walking off. "I was going to tell Natasha. Jane thought she might be able to use one of them somehow and that it's probably lonely without people to make nap so it can draw on them."
"Who was the one she took out?" one of the other two agents asked.
"She didn't name him." Darcy grinned at him. "She just said she had to take him down when she dropped that off. And that she was the will's executor."
That got a sigh. "Let us call her to see who it was and if we can pick up that little monster."
"You know, maybe someone like Lady Gaga would like a real little monster," she quipped.
"You need a rest," that first agent assured her. "We'll talk Foster into letting you have a few vacation days to rest, Lewis." He led her back to the lab to talk to Foster, and to make sure Foster put that machine in the safe. Which she already had, thankfully. Darcy got escorted up to her apartment for a full day of napping and eating. Foster willingly went with her to make sure Darcy slept and ate.
The agents made a report, one of them got given Ari's publically available number so they could ask her who that moron had been, and if she had taken in that monster to help her girls train. She hadn't. It was staying with an orphanage they had given it to. So they could go save that group with Quake, since she had been in one she could talk to the kids in a way they'd understand and not make them cry like the agents would.
Stark came into the lab that night after two meetings that had drained his mind of all thoughts and reason to stay awake. And found a humming little pink monster. He blinked at it. "What are you and who created you?" he asked it. It smiled and hummed at him, making him yawn. "I know I need a nap."
An agent came jogging up the hall. "Sorry, Stark. Some mad genius made a machine to make himself pokemons. Jigglypuff here was left alone so we had to rescue it from some orphans." He carried it off. "Let's figure out what you eat, little guy. Or girl, not really sure about that. Have to look that up on the pokedex I guess."
The AI cleared his throat. "The fan created one states that they're three-quarters female by population, Agent Reeds."
"Thank you, JARVIS. That's real handy to know. So you're probably a girl." He grinned at her. "We'll let someone nice name you."
Stark blinked then looked up. "JARVIS?" he asked patiently. A virtual screen with earlier's security video popped up. "Sure," he decided, taking off his tie and walking off. "I'm going to bed. That thing is not allowed in my room in case it eats brains."
"It only draws on people, sir, but I'll make sure you're not disturbed. Perhaps you should eat first?"
"Nope. I just need a nap. Before that bad thought sticks in my head." He went to his room, getting naked, and lying down immediately.
Agent Reeds finally got permission to bring his new friend to the helicarrier because Hill was Not Amused but wanted to see it for herself. Jigglypuff was happy with all the new people she could hum at. They were talking over how to humanely keep her when she found Nick Fury nodding off over some of his paperwork and hummed at him. They found her drawing on his face with a few markers when they realized she was missing. So the little thing was smuggled to the labs to help the scientists remember to sleep regularly. It was going to work better than nagging would.
Though a few realized what it was thanks to the cartoons and set their lab partners up to be humiliated and drawn on.
Xander showed up four days after the pokemon, blinking at the guards when they stared at him. "I need to drop stuff on my sister. My last ex decided to leave her something pretty." He showed them the necklace in the box, making one hiss. "Better her than the harem of mistresses he had." They let him up to the labs, letting him kiss Darcy on the cheek, and stare at the little chick like thing sitting on her lap. "I won't even ask how we got a Torchit."
"Your last ex that Ari took out left the egg creating machine to me." She grinned. "Someone wanted to test the system so created him. I woke up to him this morning."
"Awww. At least it's protective and likes people." He kissed her on the head. "Bilabos left you something pretty."
"Did Ari get him too?"
"No. His daughter summoned a dragon and it licked him to death then sat on him until he smothered so her eggs could have a good first meal." She grimaced. He sighed. "At least he was an asshole so I won't miss him." He handed over the packages, taking the little chick-like creature to pet. "I know you're a good boy and you'll take good care of my sister. She's special and needs more friends who're protective." He petted it, making it chirp happily.
She opened the first box and moaned. "Oh, wow. Are those garnets?"
Xander looked then shrugged. "How would I know?"
"Point. Jane, think these are garnets?" she asked, holding up the necklace box.
Jane blinked at it then shook her head. "Wrong color." She looked at Xander. "He didn't have a girlfriend?"
"Harem of women he paid for attention? Yeah, they took most of the rest and disappeared. One wanted that one but the others drove her off because she was a tacky ho."
"Awww." Darcy grinned at him. "Thanks, Xander." She opened up the others, smiling at them. Including the hair combs that matched the set. And one nice diamond pendant. "They didn't want that?"
"They split up six pure diamond necklaces, Darce."
"Awww." She tried it on and nodded as she took it off to see why the necklace had glowed. "Oh, it's got a thingy on the back. I'll have to see why."
Overhead the alarms started to go off. "Shit," Jane muttered, putting things into the safe. The Torchit chick was getting agitated so Darcy took it back to calm down and pet. So when someone tried to break in, it belched a fireball on the guy who scared it. Jane blinked at it, coming over to help calm it down while Xander put the guy's fire out and dragged him into the hallway.
"Um, the lab pet belched on it when it got scared," he called and pointed. "He might need a medic. Or a priest. Not sure which." A few guards came running. Xander punched one. "Dude, just give up. I spent the last week fighting a real goddamn dragon and I'm not in the mood for evil today. Okay?" They ran away from him because he had a sword that he had pulled out.
"You should've brought the dragon back," Darcy called. "We might be able to find it a nice home."
"It's in a zoo in Germany," Xander said patiently. "They're more than happy to feed it for us."
"Oh, okay. Maybe we can visit it." She cooed and petted the little chick, who was back to happy chirping. "Get back in here before more show up, Xander." He came back into the lab and locked the door, settling in to calm down. Even if Darcy did have to take the sword from his hand and give to Jane for now.
Tony walked in an hour later, staring at them. "Dragon?" he demanded. "Is that what happened to that guy?"
Darcy pointed at the napping chick. "They belch fireballs of about 1800 degrees fahrenheit." She grinned. "SHIELD guys wanted to test the machine. So we have a Torchit." She smiled. "Don't upset it."
"I...." He swallowed his spit and nodded, walking off.
"The dragon's in Germany," Xander called after him. "At a zoo."
Stark whined. "Why?"
"Those things eat a lot. I can't afford to keep it," Xander complained. "And the slayers would make them lap pets."
"Them?" Stark demanded.
"She had eggs. My ex summoned me to help him defeat the dragon that turned him into egg chow." He stared at him. "There's six eggs I think. When I called the local contact I had there, he called the zoo in Zurich, who called the oldest one in Germany, which is in Berlin. They hurried up to take the dragon and her eggs back to their home zoo to take care of them."
Stark held up a hand. "No babbling, please. You've already given me a headache, Xander." He stared at the thing. "Do we have plans to take care of it? Food and all that?"
"So far it seems to like things we'd feed ducks," Jane admitted. "We looked that up earlier. It liked the seed we bought it."
An agent stepped in. "Ladies, we'd like to confiscate the unique lifeform there."
"Nope," Darcy quipped with a smirk. "It's an intelligent, thinking being and I'm not going to let SHIELD destroy it." She stared at him. "Or I'll start a movement to destroy SHIELD the same way." He stepped back, looking amused. "Shoo. Go. One of you guys used the system that I inherited. You're not going to hide your mistakes by killing it. And shooting doesn't work and I don't like the thought of someone torturing this little guy." She petted him with a stare at the agent.
"And it's already protective of them," Xander quipped with a smirk and a wave. "Just look at the guy it barbequed." The agent looked then nodded, walking off calling that in. The agents picking up the burned guy glared at them but oh well. Darcy and Xander smiled and waved at them. They stomped off with the body, going to report that too.
"Hey, JARVIS, can you please announce that the pet here is named Bob and Bob is under our careful watch and protection, and if someone should hurt him on purpose we'd like them to beg Bob to burn them?" Darcy asked, looking up.
"I can put that into more formal memo format for you, Miss Lewis. It looks sleepy."
"I'm building it a nest box tonight, one that I can bring around."
"I'll find you a suitable plan on how to do so, Miss Lewis. Good luck with him."
"He's a good boy, JARVIS. He's a special little guy."
"Yes, he is," the AI agreed.
Stark just nodded. "Maybe a wildlife refuge?"
"Then who'd feed him?" Jane asked. "I'm not sure if their kind can hunt or not. I've sent an email to a scientist I know who plays pokemon." She shrugged. "With pictures."
"Ah." Stark nodded, walking off nodding. "Make sure he's safe, well fed, and well cuddled, ladies and Xander." He went to finish his headache in his own lab.
"I saw a neat factoid the other day," Xander said, taking Bob the Torchit to cuddle and pet. "Apparently the term scientist was created in 1830 to describe one of the first *known* females in science because before then they were men of science and excluded women like the idiots they were." He grinned at Jane.
"So we can call all the men of science that and women scientists, makes sense to me," Darcy said with a grin for Jane, who smirked back.
"Thanks, Xander. Can you set him up a small nesting area?"
"Probably." He looked around the lab, using the stuff from the shredder's basket to make the nesting area inside a box for now. Bob settled in with a coo, snuggling in to nap with his beak under a wing. The ladies grinned and let him make coffee for them too.
None of the agents really wanted to come annoy them with Xander in there.
Xander answered the call from his contact in Zurich the next morning while he was feeding the Torchit. "Hey, Philip. What's up?"
"The zoo was looking to talk to you about how the dragon got here." He spotted the cheeping thing. "What is that?"
"Moron named Dupont made a machine to make pokemon for him." He grinned. "SHIELD agents tested it with a Torchit card. So it's guarding my sister. I'm just doing bird duty this morning since she and her Jane haven't made it out of the lab all night."
"Ah...." He nodded once. "How did the dragon get here?"
"Bilabos' daughter summoned it. She wanted to be the Mother of Dragons or whoever from that show. So it kindly conquered her father for her." He finished mixing the seeds for the little, spoiled bird creature, letting it have the bowl. "There you go, Torchit. Go ahead and eat. We'll finish fixing your nest in a few minutes." It cheeped and pecked at the food, liking it a lot apparently. He looked at the picture on his phone again. "If the zoo can't handle it they might want to talk to someone named Zora at the mythical zoo in New Zealand. It's Watcher run but the people are actual zoologists. They have the unicorn too."
Philip just nodded once. "So damn weird, even for you, Xander."
Xander grinned. "I took some of the most girly slayers down there on a field trip. Zora had to keep telling them to quit squealing and trying to pet the unicorn, it's a wild creature."
"Uh-huh. I'll let them know that. Have a better day playing with your sister's bird." He hung up.
Xander looked at the little bird. "Some people just get freaked out at the simple things, Torchit. They really do. You're not any more weird than the kraken I had to fight off last month." He petted it. "Let's go clean up your nest area and finish stuffing it for you." He carried it and the bowls over to that area. Before it crapped on the counter and his sister got huffy about her poor kitchen.
Stark got beamed that talk from his AI, who was carefully watching over the bird creature. He blinked a few times. "There's a what?" he asked his AI. Who looked it up. There was a private conservation park that didn't allow visitors in New Zealand that had some leaked pictures of a unicorn. He blinked a few times then nodded. "Sure. Of course they did." He nodded again. "Are they safe down there?" Their company's profile was put up.
He sent a nasty email to Rupert Giles about their side company failing so hard and possibly leading to the harm of those...unique specimens. Then he decided to be mean. Just a bit though. Pepper liked animals. He sent that at her so she could check it out. She could use a few days in New Zealand and she liked horses. She'd probably like to go visit it. Maybe she'd take Jane with her so she had a vacation too.
Tony rolled over and made himself go back to sleep. Before the headache came back. He couldn't do anything with the mystical and mythical creature caused headache.
Pepper Potts blinked at the notice from Stark that he wanted her to look into that company. She had heard about the pokemon in the labs, and the one in the SHIELD labs, and wondered if this was how Stark was thinking about making sure they were safe. If so, it might not be a bad idea. The AI sent a copy of that talk between Xander and his contact in Zurich, which made her smirk at it.
"Sure, I can go on vacation in New Zealand and look that over between spa visits." She found herself a vacation spot, booked it, then notified the preserve that she'd be down there to look it over for a donation or even possibly an acquisition. She ignored their email back that said they were owned by the Watchers Council. From what she saw, they had forgotten they had them. She went up to the lab to check on Lewis. "Are you going to the mythical creature preserve with me? I'm told they're hiding a unicorn."
Darcy spun to look at her with a grin. "Pepper, I'm not a virgin, it wouldn't like me."
"Probably true but the Council seems to have forgotten they have one."
"That figures. Giles is hanging on by a thread most of the time." She grimaced. "It sounds like a neat trip but SHIELD would probably complain if you didn't bring one of them to check it over. Their Jigglypuff shouldn't go, it needs to be around people. Torchit might not like to be alone either."
"I'll check it over. The zoo in Germany was wanting to talk to your brother about that dragon and her eggs."
She nodded. "He said the girl wanted to be Daenerys. I have no idea how strong of a ruler she was, I didn't watch that show, but I guess it's a goal to look up to." She grinned. "Xander said her father had planned to marry her off in some arrangement for his business interests so she's at least free of that."
Pepper nodded. "I didn't either. Too many rapes and blood." She tipped her head. "SHIELD's little thing...."
"Jigglypuff. It sings to people to make them nap then draws on them." She grinned. "It's cute and helping make sure the labbies up there nap often."
"So that'd need social contact. Yours?"
"Is in the nest box Xander set up for it in my place. Ours down here." She pointed at it. "He said he'll make them match later."
"That's fine." She walked off, going to find Natasha. She found Clint instead. "I'm going to New Zealand for a week's rest and to look at the mythical creature preserve the Council started. They need some financial help." He blinked at her. "Lewis suggested that SHIELD would want to know. Can you ask Natasha if they'll send her? She can share my spa time."
"She's on assignment right now, but I'll let Hill know."
"Thanks, Clint." She smiled and patted him on the arm. "Lewis said the one SHIELD has in the labs needs social contact to be healthy and happy."
"I have no doubt since it likes to perform." He smirked as he drank some coffee from Bruce's mug. His was in the dishwasher so he had borrowed. "It's helped make sure the lab people actually sleep regularly. Then when they wake up they're nagged to eat. It does almost as good as Lewis does for Foster."
She patted him again with a grin. "Thanks, Clint. Tell me who I'm bringing." She went back to her office to file her leave paperwork and noticed that she was traveling to her staff.
Clint finished that coffee and got some more while sending Hill a text message about all that. Including that their little monster wouldn't thrive on the preserve.
Up in the SHIELD labs, one guy who kept getting knocked out and drawn on by the little creature, was desperately trying to figure out how to make a pokeball to capture it. That way people quit picking on him. The others were amused by his theories but he was going to capture that little thing so they quit picking on him. He couldn't quite figure out how to do the stasis spell on the inside so it wouldn't be hurt in storage or the extra space charms. So when the order came down for someone to go to the mythical creature preserve with Barton and Potts the next week, he volunteered. He was a biologist so it was right up his alley. They had to have something like that he could look at, right?
One of the SHIELD geeks came down to the Stark labs, going to find Lewis. "Hey," she said, looking at Darcy. "Can I ask a question to save the sanity of one of the people I work beside?" Darcy nodded. "Is there a pokeball already created on this plane?"
"From what Xander's ex said, they had one where the guy made the Jigglypuff you guys have but they used it to take out the charizard or charmander that he also had. They said they couldn't kill it when it attacked them so they sucked it into the ball and broke it."
"Oh." She frowned. "That'll upset him greatly. He wanted one to let ours rest."
Darcy grinned. "They're picking on him, aren't they?" She nodded with a sigh. "Xander said there's a demonic version of them but they're used to capture bad criminals for their DPP people."
The scientist blinked a few times. "Do you think they'd let him look at one so he could create one? Our Jigglypuff seems pretty tired. We've tried to feed it everything and it picks what it wants."
"Set up a firm time for it to perform instead of it roaming around performing all the time. Think of it like a Broadway show. Going ten hours a day singing would be tiring."
"I didn't think about that. A dinner time one? But the night shift?"
"Most of those are probably dayshift that didn't go to bed," Darcy said dryly. "Ours sure are." She grinned. "Two shows a day."
"I can do that. See if it helps. Also, how do you set up a nest for it?"
She spun and looked at theirs with the Torchit in it. "We started with a box with shredded paper but Xander upped it to a real nest." She grinned. "We feed our Torchit seeds and leave water bowls out for him."
"Okay, we can do that. Ours drinks from a straw."
"It's a very smart Jigglypuff," Darcy agreed with a grin for her. "It needs social interaction so petting time but it shouldn't have to hum all the time."
"I'll remember that. How does that machine work?"
"With a card. It takes the pokecard and scans it then makes an egg," Jane said.
"Awww. Thanks, ladies." She hurried back to tell that guy that and to set up a home for the Jigglypuff. She decided on a doghouse setup and padded it with pillows. Then she showed it the new house area, letting it go in to nap. "We'll make sure you get plenty of petting time and no more than two performances." The watching geeks made note of that idea. It was a good one. Jigglypuff apparently snored so it was happier and hopefully healthier. She went to tell that geek that news. "The DPP, who I think are demonic, have something like a pokeball to capture bad demons." He blinked then grinned at her. "I have no idea how to find out about them though. I didn't ask Lewis but she made it sound like they were police or something."
"Thank you, Anna. That's actually quite helpful." He looked around so she pointed at the dog house. "Awww. That'll help the little monster have a good nap." She grinned and nodded, going back to her body armor project. He went to put down some cups of water for it to drink from and some fruit since it seemed to like fruit. Then he went back to his desk to look up what the DPP were. It never hurt to ask them if he could look that ball design over.
In the Queen's zoo, the head of the veterinary staff stared at the email that had been sent to him by SHIELD. "What?" he demanded of it. He called in his second-in-command. "Does that say what I think it does?" he demanded.
She stared then nodded. "It said SHIELD somehow found a person who made pokemons." She blinked a few times. "At least they're looking at humane ways to keep them and not pulling them apart to figure them out." She paged down. "Oh, there's a magical creature preserve. They mentioned that it might not thrive there since it seems to be so socially motivated. Huh." She stood up straight again. "I wonder where they're hiding that."
He looked at it then at her. Then sighed while doing a web search through the zoological sites. "The Council of Watchers started it about a hundred years ago. It's in New Zealand."
"I guess Australia would've been too stereotypical," she quipped, going back to her office.
"Probably." He got to work researching what a pokemon was and what they needed to survive and be healthy. He'd keep ignoring the fact that their associated aquarium and the Georgia Aquarium both had tiny krakens being hidden in their back halls because they had washed ashore once.
Pepper, Clint, and the biologist were met at the preserve's gates by a happy young woman. "Hi, I'm Slayer Kinesha." She beamed at them, bouncing some. "Fred said that you guys were coming to visit our animals and talk to us about donations?" She let them in the gate. They all felt the magic wash over them. "Don't worry, it wasn't Rosenburg," she quipped when they looked worried.
"That's great. We've met Xander a few times," Clint said with a grin of his own. "His half-sister works in the Stark labs."
"Awww. We've heard him talk about Darcy." She led them off, petting the thing that came over to sniff these new people. "It's all right, Mortimer. They're nice people and the muscley guy is actually a hero sort." The magic eating, gigantic sized anteater sniffed them off, liking Pepper's perfume by the way he took extra snuffles of her throat. She grinned. "Mortimer's pretty cool. A tiny witch in Thailand made him grow and eat magic."
"That's really weird," Clint said with a grin. "But I hope it didn't hurt him."
"No, he ate her magic first. She tried to keep him as a pet." She shrugged. "But it made her sick to be so drained so her mother called someone who called someone who called our old keeper Harold, who brought him down here." She grinned. "So why the visit?"
"Xander mentioned this preserve when someone left his sister a machine to make pokemon. He said he brought a few of you girls down here," Clint said.
"He did," she said with a beaming smile and another bounce. "I wanted to work with animals and so did a few other slayers so he brought us down here to look over the most unusual zoo in the world that might have demons show up to eat something. Now and then one will try to get our unicorn Jacob." She led them off. "There's Fred." She waved at the redheaded guy.
Pepper stared but Clint said it. "You're Fred Weasley, aren't you?" he asked dryly.
"Yes. I got thrown here. Thankfully I learned a lot from my brother Charlie about how to take care of animals." He grinned. "It's great because this is all a huge joke of the universe, a huge prank on humanity." He petted the unicorn. "You'll quit itching once you have a bath, Jacob."
"I'd offer but you know I can't touch him," Kinesha quipped. "He hates that I'm not a virgin, Fred."
"I know." He looked at Pepper, smiling. "So, why the sudden interest? We've had a few actual zoos write us, SHIELD wrote us. And your people."
"Our interest started because someone left Xander's half-sister a machine to make pokemon," Clint said.
"I talked to the Queen's zoo about how to healthily keep the Jigglypuff that agents found that person had made."
"And an agent wanting to see how the machine worked made Darcy a Torchit," Clint said. The geek winced. "It's fine. Has a huge nest in the lab and up in Darcy's apartment. They've got seeds for it and all that. We're more worried about yours."
"We've cut down his performing time to twice a day and the rest is petting time now," the geek said with a smile. "He's got a doghouse with pillows for his sleeping times and he seems to like fruit and water so we've left him have whatever he wanted. Even when he did steal someone's twinkies." He grinned at Fred. "So I came down to see if we could help you with anything to help your animals."
"What we saw when we went looking showed that the current Council isn't paying enough attention to you," Pepper said with a smile for him. "Tony would hate to see your animals harmed so he wanted us to look you over for donation purposes."
"That's always welcome. Jacob eats a ton daily even if he's grazing. There's a spell on the woods to keep them encroaching regularly so he's running out of grazing areas. I don't know how to deal with that."
"You should ask Dawn," Kinesha said, petting the three-legged ostrich that came over to be petted. The geek cooed and petted it too. She grinned at him. "Zoologist?"
"Biologist actually." He smiled. "I thought about zoo work but I'm allergic to a lot of animals and I don't think I could deal with fish all the time."
She nodded. "I know one of the slayers was thinking the same thing but she decided she wanted to work with Greenpeace with their whale programs."
"They're majestic creatures," he agreed.
Fred smiled at the 'adults'. "It's rewarding work. Do you think we can ask this Dawn, Kinesha?"
Clint waved a hand. "Let me call her." He did that. "Dawn, Clint Barton. No, not Xander. He's petting Darcy's Torchit for her today. We're at the mystical creature preserve." He listened. "Why did Giles....oh, might bring another sample. No, they're having some magical problems with their boundaries." He looked at his phone and hung up, then looked at where Dawn had appeared. Mortimer was wiggling in her hair. "Hey, Mortimer and Dawn." The kraken waved so he waved back with a grin. "This is Fred and Slayer Kinesha."
Dawn grinned and waved. "Hey, Kinny. What spell problem are you guys having?" She pointed at the woods. "Oh, super grow from the outside. Let me check the boundary's spells." She smiled at Fred, then tipped her head. "You got flung here instead of dying?"
He nodded. "Apparently."
"Okay. Well, I can ask the Xander convention if they can help. I have no idea. I know there's a few of you that show up at one." She blinked a few times then grinned. "We have a cursebreaker there so he'd probably have an idea. He's a huge booknerd."
"That'd be great, thank you, Miss Summers." He looked at the thing in her hair. "Is it safe?"
"Mortimer's greatly safe and he's very cuddly and protective of me. He's a portal kraken." She pulled him down to let Fred pet him. "We cuddle all the time and I've managed to train him not to drink out of the toilet. Even my teachers got used to him finally."
"That's great news. I know there's a few of the ocean living ones."
"Georgia Aquarium has one," Kinesha said with a grin. "It washed up and someone got it to them during a manatee rescue."
"The aquarium in New York has one as well," the geek said. "For about the same reason. SHIELD made note of it when it got hidden."
"They probably aren't as cuddly as Mortimer is," Clint quipped. "He's snuggled up on me to nap before." Dawn grinned and nodded at him. "What's the story with the dragon in Germany?" he asked.
"The zoo in Berlin is stumped," Dawn said. "I went up to see it. One of the eggs wasn't going to hatch so they've looked it over but the other ones are growing well they think."
"We have room down here," Fred said. "I have no idea how to take care of a dragon though. Beyond what my brother told me."
"Non fire breathing," Dawn said with a smile for him. "Winged, kinda mean, killed a guy to feed her eggs. His daughter summoned her. She wanted to be Daenerys. It smothered her father so the eggs could have good food."
He just nodded. "Usually they'd want live ones. Huh."
"No clue what species it is," Dawn admitted.
"Summers, your magic will counteract our protections," an older male voice shouted from inside the office building.
"I'm here to look at the spell that's making things shrink in and my magic's shielded," she called back. "It's clearly chaos based and it feels like one of the Sorcerer Supreme's type of magic user."
He came stomping out to stare at her. "It does?"
"Yeah, it does. I've done some work with him and it does." She pointed. "That's why it's got a wedge formation there. I can end that spell and up your boundary protections if you want."
"Please. What are you doing now?"
"Artifact work." She grinned. "I'm in Spain."
"Ah." He noticed Mortimer and stared. "That's odd."
"Mortimer's a cool little buddy. Very protective and cuddly. I even trained him to quit drinking out of the toilet." She grinned. "Even my teachers like him now."
"How much water time are you giving him?"
"He's a portal kraken instead of a water one." She grinned. "His momma is in one of the Sorcerer Supreme's closets. He split off and came out to meet me." She petted him so the guy could look him over. "I keep him absolutely safe and he's helped protect me too."
"That's sweet of him." He petted him. "What's this I hear that Harris screwed up again?"
"No. He fought off the dragon and called a zoo to take it in."
"Not that. There's rumors of other creatures."
"The machine was left to Harris' half-sister and a SHIELD agent made the second pokemon we presently have," Pepper said with a smile for him. "The Torchit is very adorable and protected in our labs. It protects the humans right back."
He blinked a few times. "Pokemon?" he demanded. Jacob the unicorn snorted at him and pawed at the ground. "You, behave. Grumpy ass." He looked at Pepper.
Clint pulled up the report on that guy. "Here, the one who made the machine to creature pokemon. He's gone. Darcy has the machine in a safe. SHIELD agents wanted to test it and made one. We found out he had made a Jigglypuff and it's in the SHIELD labs to encourage them to rest now and then."
"We've begun setting up a nice habitat area for it," the geek agreed. "Nice doghouse for a shelter, a lot of pillows. It seems to eat fruit and likes to sip water through straws. We've not let it perform more than twice a day anymore because it was getting exhausted. Now it's got petting hours instead."
The old guy read that over, shaking his head with a sigh. "Are we taking them in?"
"You might want to talk to the zoo in Berlin about the dragon Xander had to fight off after it got summoned but no, the pokemon are safe," Dawn assured him. "Xander's made sure of it."
"Good!" He looked at the slayer then at the others. "What can we do for you? We don't usually allow visitors."
"We're setting up contact in case SHIELD runs into another mythical creature," the geek said. "They're here to see about donating."
"Could use it. Rupert's overloaded and forgot we're here."
Kinesha smiled. "We're running another slayer field trip to come down here for the girls who want to work with animals, Watcher Harold." She smirked. "Since Xander's not employed by them anymore...." He shuddered. "Yup, that means I get to run the group and Rupert can remember us when he has to come get them." She beamed, looking at Jacob. "A lot of virgins for you to nuzzle too. Unless Buffy lost her mind." The unicorn nose nudged her and stamped the ground again. "I can give you the flea bath you need but you hate me doing it. Want me to?" It hesitated then nudged her again so she walked him off to do that.
"Why isn't the female from Genosha up here?" Dawn asked him. "There's the female unicorn in that temple," she reminded him. "Xander told me about her."
Fred and Harold shared a look then smirked at her. "Let's go talk about all that. Dawn, come in once you've ended that spell?" She nodded, going to do that with Clint watching over her. Mortimer jumped over to pet the unicorn and play in the water.
Kinesha petted him. "Sure, you can help me scrub but I've got to use flea shampoo. If it hurts you have to move and let me know."
"He's gotten into shampoo before," Dawn quipped. "He hates being around magic though."
"That's fine. If worst comes to worst, he can sit in my hair and knot it on me. Better than the magical ants doing it or the spiders." She sprayed down the unicorn, making him and the kraken both squeal. "Sorry, bit cold, guys. Can't help it. Only one tap out here." Mortimer got happy 'scrubbing' the unicorn's back for her by squishing around in the bubbles.
Dawn had to disappear to get a book, which brought a booknerd to follow his book. But the spells to hurt the preserve were ended and he did talk to Fred about seeing if he could get him home.
Xander showed up with Fred at the zoo in Berlin, as requested by both sides. "Hey," he said, smiling and shaking the head guy's hand. "This is Fred. He's running our hidden preserve."
"That's reasonable," he agreed. "It figures the Council would have one if they didn't destroy them."
Xander beamed. "The slayers that want to work with animals take a yearly trip to fuss at the unicorn."
The zookeeper with them shook his head with a sigh. "That figures."
"Dawn mentioned one in Genosha?" Fred asked him. "We've been meaning to ask."
"It's in Heldara's temple. It's her pet. I can ask if she'd send her down there to herd up up with Jacob." Fred grinned and nodded. "So anyway, how's the dragon?"
"Whiny," the zookeeper admitted. "I don't know what's wrong with her." They led them back to where she was hidden.
Fred looked her over. "I don't recognize her species."
"She's a hoard sitting one," Xander admitted. "Like you see in Lord of the Rings and a few other stories. I'm guessing she's missing having a hoard." He petted her. "It's all right. We'll figure it out." He looked at the zookeeper, who shrugged. He looked at Fred, who was checking the eggs. "They good?"
"Yeah, they're good and firm." He looked at her. "My mother would've loved you, dear." She whuffled his chest and moaned. "Yeah, I smell like my brother, who works with meaner versions of you." He grinned and petted her nose, making her happy. He looked at the zookeepers. "Would you like her to come to our preserve?"
"Please. News of her leaked and we've had people breaking in to try to get her. Including two supposed hunters." He snorted, crossing his arms over his chest.
"Was one of them named Kraven?" Xander asked. They nodded. "Idiot wannabe big game hunter, is going after humans now. I tied him to a living tree for the nymph to beat." Fred snickered. "I did! The ones in New York are that tough." He petted the dragon, getting nudged out of the way for Fred's petting. "Sure, he can pet you." He looked at the zookeeper. "Fred?"
"Harold said we'd gladly let her and her eggs come hide with us. The slayers are coming on a field trip really soon so we'll have to remind the girls not to squeal so hard at you, dear." He looked over. "Did you name her?"
"That's fine. We'll name you Molly. She'd like being thought of as a mother dragon." Xander smirked at him. "Better than my sister becoming one."
"True." He handed over the papers he had. "From Harold about how to transfer her down."
They looked it over and agreed, letting Fred travel back with her and her eggs. Xander got another Xander in to help with the hoard. He had extra stuff she'd like to nest around. That made her a happier dragon mommy too.
Xander traveled to that temple, walking in and smiling at the goddess, then presenting a cloth that had rubbed down Jacob the unicorn to the female. "We have a lonely male unicorn without a herd, m'lady. Would you like to meet him?" She perked up and started to bounce around. He smiled at the Goddess. "The preserve in New Zealand has a single male unicorn."
"That's interesting." She sighed, looking at her pet. "I can introduce them."
"Jacob's a bit picky. He's been petted by the slayers for the last week." He smirked. "Giles forgot we had them under us."
She snorted, waving a hand. "Mine will be more than acceptable to him and if it doesn't work out she can come back?"
"Of course. It would also keep down those people who rush in here to try to dehorn her."
"That would be safer for her." She considered it then sighed and took them all to the preserve. Jacob came trotting over, walking around this new unicorn once her leash was off. He sniffed a few times before snorting at Xander and her. Who glared back.
"Picky, spoiled thing. I'm going to let the girls pet her instead."
Jacob nudged the unicorn and walked off, letting her follow happily. They went to nibble the grass and learn how to be a herd together.
Heldara sighed but nodded. "It's good for her. Let me know if she's having troubles and I'll gladly take her back, Xander."
Xander pointed. "That's Fred, he's in charge right now, Goddess Heldara. Fred Weasley, this is the Goddess Heldara. Morganite the unicorn was hers."
He smiled. "Thank you, it makes Jacob happy to not be without company." She patted him on the cheek. "Xander, Rupert seems to have forgotten two of his girls."
"I can bring them back." Heldara giggled and left them to it. He went to grab them both and walk them off to take back to Cleveland by the portal Giles had set up. It'd let the magical spiders that packed themselves to travel with the girls flee for their lives instead of being smashed by scared girls.
Fred smiled and waved at the unicorns. "We'll meet her later, Jacob. Let us know if you have problems." He snorted but nudged her and they went to play in the higher grass that had finally been found. Fred shook his head but he was happy for his unicorn. He really had to find a way to tell his brother about this.
Ron would shit himself in awe and Charlie would at least be amused that story dragons were real.
Xander looked up from his poker hand when a guy he barely knew about carried in a wiggling bundle of young woman who was complaining.
"Let me the fuck down before I take a chunk out of your ass with my teeth!" Darcy shouted.
He put her down beside Xander, staring at him. "She was in a dangerous place with people who clearly live in a sewer and need to be removed for the good of humanity. Didn't want her hurt."
"It was a blind date one of the other lab assistants set me up on!" Darcy complained. "I had *no* idea he needed to stop in on his big brother who was Irish mob, Castle."
Xander grinned at Frank. "Thank you for protecting her. Do I need to go beat the one she was out with?"
"Nah. The police got there almost immediately when she called them about the deal her date was trying not to be part of." He looked at her.
"I still need to get my purse from his car," she admitted. "Not that it has a lot but it does have some spare clothes and a few things like my apartment keys." Frank texted someone and they brought it. "Thank you!" She hugged him around the neck then Frank. "Thank you for protecting me, Castle."
"Welcome, princess." He looked at Xander, who shrugged. "Can't find her someone good?"
"I can't find either of us anyone good. Arms dealers really love my ass and they all think my big sister is fascinating too."
Castle smirked as he walked off. "I'll suggest a few nicer sorts should date you."
"Thanks and for the saving," Darcy said, sighing as she sat on Xander's knee. There wasn't a free spot to sit and she was tired. "He's very strong." He patted her on the back. "You should flirt with him, Xander."
"I should." He smirked at her. "Let me finish playing this hand and I'll take you home." She got out of his way so he could ante in again. Once he had lost that had he escorted her back to the tower, where police were waiting. "Guys."
"Sir, step away from the woman please," an officer ordered.
"This is my big sister, people. Get away from her. She was on a date and rescued from the shithead by someone." They stared at him oddly. "Why do you think she's in trouble?" he asked.
"She was on a date when she was kidnaped?" one of the tower guards asked.
"I was on a blind date that Marta set me up on," Darcy said. "He said he had to stop in to see his big brother, invited me to not wait in the car, and I'm the one who called in the weapons deal going on. Thankfully someone nice took me from there before they could figure out that was me and got me to my little brother at the demon poker hall." She looked at the officer. "Then he had someone grab my purse from his car." She held it up.
"Okay," that officer said with a nod. "That makes sense. How did you meet him?"
"Marta's another lab assistant and she knew his cousin who set us up on a bind date. I mean blind date. Sorry, I'm tired. Being carried off is hard work sometimes."
The officers just nodded and made notes. "But you're safe with him?" the head officer asked, pointing his pen at Xander.
"Yeah, that's my baby brother. He's an overprotective boob about me and won't let any of his bad dates come near me either."
They just nodded and let her sign the statement before leaving. Xander shrugged at the stares. "Probably because of who I date." He took her upstairs, making sure she got locked in her bedroom for now. He got the couch like normal and settled in to watch over her. Though he was a bit shocked she hadn't taken a bite out of Castle's ass. Darcy could be a biter from what he's heard.
Clint showed up to check on her but that was about normal and Darcy assured him she was fine. That Castle had saved her. That she hadn't been too mean to him or even nibbled on him. He had her do a real report and filed it a few places for her but let the cuddle up to watch tv together like usual.
Xander got handed some papers the next morning as someone walked past him on his way to get coffee. Xander frowned. "I haven't even had coffee yet," he complained. "I can't be that evil yet!" He glanced at it on his way to Darcy's coffee shop. A story. Okay. He skimmed it while he waited on his order to be filled, taking it and heading to another bar. Closed so he tried the diner that he had heard those sort liked to hang out at.
He found one of the ones mentioned. "Where's the other spandex wearing, babbling hero sort?" he asked politely. The guy glared. Xander stared back, waving the folder. "Someone had an idea about him and I don't want to have to defend myself when he hears about it. Or my sister." Someone took it from his hand.
"Oh, good, it's you. Patricks handed me that before coffee and looked smug. Not sure who decided that you two are sharing me and my sister, but if she's into you both, good for her. I won't stop that." He walked off. "Don't destroy my dates without making them leave my sister stuff please. She could use it. The last one made her a pokemon making machine that meant I had to go back to the mythical creature preserve to talk to their unicorns."
"What?" Deadpool demanded. He grabbed Xander to haul him back inside. "What now? Go slower, it's coffee-o'clock, not miller time."
Xander grinned and explained it better. Then he patted him on the shoulder. "If you should take that as the hint whoever probably meant it as, just treat her well before I kill you in a permanent manner by shooting you into the sun." He grinned again. "I just didn't want you to hear it from someone else and come after us. Darcy's normal and only deals with weird science sorts." He walked off again. The confused look was kinda sweet to see. It'd been months since he had confused people that much.
Deadpool looked at Cable, who shook his head. "Folder?"
He looked. "Fanfiction." He looked at the screen he could see. "While she's cute and all, I *am* a grieving widower." He went back to reading it. It was enough to make him sweat inside his spandex. "Someone's real good."
Cable shook his head with a sigh, going back to his breakfast. "Eat something before you pass out."
"Fine." He got breakfast and finished the story. Cable refused to read it, he didn't need smutty thoughts apparently.
Xander walked into the lab, kissing his sister on the forehead. "Patricks handed me a fanfiction story about you being squealy and happy with Deadpool and Cable. I let them know that so they didn't hear about it and come to find out if you had written it. But if you do flirt with them, I'm pretty good with that. They'd be protective studs who like sex a lot so you'd be a happy girl." He walked off again.
"Usually he doesn't give me bad thoughts," Darcy complained then shook her head quickly to clear it.
"No, he gives them to the rest of us," Jane agreed dryly. "What's fanfiction?"
Darcy got into her email, finding that story had been emailed so she let Jane read it too. "Someone really wants me to be worn out. Huh. I don't think I squeal in three keys." She sent that back to the one who had emailed her, making them send back a laugh and agree that it was better they had heard from Xander instead of finding it online in a few months. Plus safer for her if they showed up to ask about it.
Jane was moaning and decided to go hide in her suite for a bit to get away from Xander and Darcy and weird thoughts. Maybe she needed to eat breakfast and take a nap. Darcy would quit nagging if she did so she had time to handle this new suggestion.
Xander was on the couch that night, hand over his eyes as he moaned. Stark looked at him. "Did you bad thought yourself into a migraine like you do the rest of us?"
Xander sat up with a moan the whole way upright. "No, the damn story I got handed was a stupid vision." He got up and kept down the contents of his stomach before walking off rubbing his head. He had to find those two and his sister. He grabbed Darcy on his way out because she was coming in with Bucky. "That wasn't just a story. Apparently it was a vision."
"Yours?" she asked, letting herself be dragged off. Bucky at least took the bags from her. "Did you have the vision?"
"I had a vision that showed how that was supposed to go. He didn't get part of it. It's a sacrificial one."
"Neither of us qualify for that and I doubt those two would either."
He stared at her. "Not to release power." She winced. "Yeah. That was not the vision I wanted to have either. It was nice he tried to warn me before I had it though."
"But you only see apocalypse battles."
"Apparently we're powering the weapon against Apocalypse."
"Yup." He got them into a cab, taking them to the bar his texted contact said they were both at. He paid and got out, heading inside by hauling Darcy with him. He grabbed the one that he had given the folder to, staring at him. "It wasn't just a story. It was someone else's vision."
"He has visions about apocalypse battles," Darcy told them. "And somehow it matched that story." She blinked at the other guy, nodding slightly. "Hey." She looked at Cable again. "I got sent a copy but I noticed it didn't have a *why* included."
"The why is a powering ritual to power some sort of ritual based weapon," Xander said dryly, grimacing some. "Against a big, blue mother fucker named Apocalypse."
"I know about him," Cable said, grimacing. "You sure, kid?"
"I haven't been wrong yet. I mean, there's a first time and a chance that someone sent that at me to prompt it for some reason." He shrugged. "No clue, but we weren't the only ones powering it. Dawn was too," he said with his own grimace.
"So let me get this straight, this weapon," Deadpool said.
"Ritually based to, I think, send him from this realm for good. I've seen the marks on the circle a few places and they were all transmission sorts. To send something or someone off." He winced and held his head again but this time the vision showed up in person.
"Sorry. I'm not allowed to talk to him ever again. The PTB got super pissed," Cordelia said dryly. She gave Darcy a pointed stare. She put Xander into a seat and guarded him instead. "Yeah, that's to send Apocalypse from this realm and most every realm. Basically send him to his own little blank realm he can do whatever with."
Deadpool blinked. "Is this guy a seriously bad villain?"
"Ask your buddy there what happened to his people because of that one," Xander said quietly, staring at Cable. "There's got to be another way. Frankly, there's easier ways of sending him off realm. Including a regular portal or a portal making demon."
"Can they do that?" Darcy asked him.
"Yeah!" He looked at Cordelia, who almost shrugged but looked amused. "If I have to Xander that prophecy I can do that."
"I think someone picked that way so they'd have the mental porn to watch," Darcy joked.
Cordelia nodded. "Yeah, they're betting and using that to further a plan since there couldn't be any hormonal or barrier birth control used," Cordelia said with a smirk. "You'll do great having the next hero."
"Any kid of mine would turn into my baby brother," Darcy said impatiently. "I'd make sure of it." Cordelia shuddered. She smiled back. "If not Stark. Also, not all birth control methods are covered under those two clauses."
Cordelia shrugged. "How would I know? I died ten years ago and they barely had the pill and shots and patches, Darcy."
"Point. Can we use another method to send that blue guy off?"
"I sure hope like hell you can. Not like slayers would do good against him. He heals so higher weapons won't do it that time."
Xander waved a hand with a grin. "Let me use a wish." Cordelia stared at him, eyes wide. "I call upon A'dal." The demon appeared. "I wish to bypass this prophecy of sending Apocalypse off by having him eaten by a pure demon as soon as he steps foot in this reality."
The demon blinked. "There's not many of those left, Xander."
Xander grinned. "That temple has the one in stasis."
"Hmm. How would that even work?"
"Make him have to appear there. The energy would cancel the stasis and the thing'll wake up hungry."
"Point...." He looked up. "D'Hoffryn just swigged a lot of mylanta because of you. But yeah, wish granted so we don't have to see you two swapping partners on a sacrificial circle." He disappeared to shudder in private.
Cordelia stared at him then looked at Darcy. "Did you get his wacky idea problem?"
"Sometimes. Then again, I had someone make me a pokemon." She grinned.
Cordelia just nodded before fading off. "Wow. Two of them now. The PTB are not going to be amused at their plans being overthrown." She finished disappearing.
"Okay, that should nicely sidestep that," Xander said. "Though the one sending him here is still a problem." He looked at Cable. "Is that a problem you'll need help with? I can ask some friends. They might not want to but they definitely don't want to see that battle happen."
"Nope, we can handle that," Deadpool assured them.
Darcy pinched him on the cheek, the face one. "You're adorable."
"You're blind," he snorted.
She stared at him. "Injuries and scars aren't all the way through you, dude. I've seen worse than you and it was adorable. You make up for the scars in other ways." She pinched him on the arm with a grin. "Hell, six of Xander's ex's are scarred worse than you are. You're only scary for the weapons."
"Sorry, they made her shop," Xander said, standing up. "Paul," he called, waving him over. The guy moaned but came over. "This is my baby sister." He handed her over. "Protect her please? I got an earlier vision of me having to break in on your boss, who thought she was my girlfriend again. He's nearly as bad at that as Rosenburg is. I'd hate to shoot him but...well..." He waved a hand at her. "She's my sister so he'll be messy."
Paul, who was a second-in-command of a mafia family, nodding. "Sure, Xander. We can make sure he realizes it." She kissed him on the cheek for that. "I wish I was more single."
She winked. "I do take setups. Though I hope I don't date like Xander does. Everyone in the labs gives me such dirty looks." She walked off. A guy grabbed her to kiss her so she kissed back then got him in the balls, making him moan and fall down. "I take some wooing, boy. And a bigger dick than you have. If I have to search to find it to make you hurt, then you've got to bring more skills than the average." She strolled off again.
Xander grinned. "She is so my big sister." The guys all nodded. "Okay, so if I hear we still need to hit that prophecied bit of smuttiness, I'll let you two know. And Dawn because she's going to have a fit." He looked at Paul.
"I'm going to make sure he realizes she's your sister and you're a bad brother."
"I'm the prototype for overprotective boob of a brother according to her." He grinned. "Thanks, Paul."
"Welcome." He went back to his table to call his boss to tell him that.
Xander looked at Cable, shrugging some. "At least there's no upcoming demon battles nearby. Have a better night, guys. At least you don't have to force yourself to deal with that rite." He walked off, patting a former lover on the head as he walked around him. "Sit, stay, good arms dealer."
"Xander!" he yelped, staring at him. "Demon emergency you're hiring for?" He looked around then at him.
"Warning someone about a vision thing. This one I can't put on that assassin's site. It's too x-rated." He grinned. "I'm bothering my sister. Later, dude." He followed her outside to get them a cab back to the tower.
"Who was that?" a guy called.
"Harris. He worked with the slayers in Africa. Did a bunch of weird shit," Deadpool called back. "Took out an invasion with an axe." Cable shuddered, going to get a new drink. "Apparently there's a vision that we'll have to help with something magic bullshitty to stop a huge bad thing."
The guy shook his head. "Better you than me."
"Dude, Xander's hell on the back," the former lover complained. "I had him for four hours and I didn't walk right for six days. And I topped him."
Deadpool stared at him. "What did he do to you?"
"I don't fully remember but damn! I craved him for the next week and a half."
"Wow. Okay. Is his sister that good?"
"I didn't even know he had sisters."
"She's bouncy fun," another person called. "I know someone who dated her for a few weeks."
"Great," Deadpool agreed with a nod, looking at Cable. "We can go over plans in case that blue guy shows up."
"Please," Cable agreed. "He's not to be underestimated. I'm not sure if they can absolutely make sure he wakes up in an area."
Xander and Darcy walked up to the Sorcerer Supreme's house, him knocking and grinning at the sorcerer who answered his own door. "Apparently the fanfiction is a vision. We're trying to sidestep it. I've asked a contact to have Apocalypse appear in a specific spot to let the demon there eat him." He held up the folder with a grin. "Apparently there's a lopsided ritual to bring energy to capture him." The folder got taken and they were let into the house. They watched as the sorcerer read then moaned and sighed before staring at them.
"We warned the two they saw us switching between and Xander's probably warned Dawn." Dawn appeared, taking the folder to read, then shuddering. "It'd probably be good at least," Darcy quipped. "Everyone has to get off to seal that sort of spell."
Darcy looked at Stephen Strange, who was shaking his head. She looked at Xander. "They're warned?"
"And I called in a debt to help by having him appear in front of a demon that'll eat him. If that doesn't go to that one...." Xander grinned and shrugged. "I had the same vision but it expanded to show the ritual area."
"Could you identify the ritual's figures?" Dawn asked. Xander took some paper and a pencil to draw what he had seen, including stick figures. He let her have it. She studied it then huffed. "Damn it, that's a capturing ritual."
"To bring up energy to capture him," Xander agreed, grinning at her. "So we're warning that it's someone else's vision and mine too. Though I'm not sure who sent it. The PTB wouldn't send me a vision where I was having fun. I might be wrong for the first time. But better warned than have it pop up suddenly."
"That's true. I'd rather be warned," Dawn agreed.
"I got warned about birth control not being an option and had to point out that there's non-hormonal and non-barrier methods," Darcy quipped with a smirk for her.
"Yeah, I use a non hormone IUD," Dawn agreed. "Would they be hoping...."
"If it's the PTB? Yeah, they'll want someone to be the future hunters and helpers," Xander said dryly. "That's probably how they want them to come into being. Though I have no idea why I was included. Not like I can get pregnant." He looked up then at Darcy, who shrugged. "Though they're probably ignoring you're my sister too." Darcy and Dawn both snorted but patted him on the arm. He stared at Stephen Strange. "So they probably expect you to need an heir to the cape."
"Someone had suggested that," he admitted. "I sent them to another realm before I turned them into ice and put them in a park in July."
Xander grinned. "August is usually hotter. Or use April, it'll melt really slowly so you have more time to sip tea while watching it."
Strange just nodded. "All good points. You should all go rest." They left to go to the tower to make plots about that incident while he went to take something for his headache. Scotch should help a lot. He did make notes before he made himself forget it all, just in case.
Darcy looked at her brother, who was napping with the Torchit on the couch, cuddling the bird creature. She took a few pictures, waking up the bird. "Hey, let me get you seeds," she said quietly, going to get it food and water refills. It nipped Xander's fingers to get free, flying over to dig in. Xander made pouty noises and patted around until he ran into a pillow Darcy tossed over. He curled around it, making happier noises. The bird went into its nest for a bit and snuggled in. Darcy finished getting ready and left for the lab. She carried the Torchit down to put into that nest. It chirped happily and snuggled in again. She grinned at Jane, who was shaking her head, so she showed her the picture. "He needed cuddly things."
"I can see that." She shook her head quickly then got back to work. "What mind bending things are you two doing this week?"
"Not a lot. We defeated the vision that meant we would've gotten rigorously laid to raise power to defeat a huge bad guy." Jane moaned, staring at her. "That story? It was a vision." Jane whined, shaking her head. "Yeah, so we sidestepped that when Xander saw it as a vision." She shrugged, getting into her desk. "But we think we defeated that vision so we don't end up overly sore." Jane nodded. "What's up with you this week? Your calendar is free so I'm guessing it's all work or you forgot to add a testing time?"
"Testing is next week. I couldn't get a spot on this week's testing schedule." She sighed, going back to work. "No sightseeing?"
"The last time we went sightseeing, we got kidnaped by someone who wanted Xander for dinner. Not sure how he meant that poutiness but I'm hoping it wasn't in the 'going to eat you' style. Thankfully I had my tazer and he had a knife, even if defeating that boyfriend wannabe's minions did pout about that."
Jane gave her an odd look. "Did they arrest them for it?"
"SHIELD? Protect me or Xander?" Darcy snorted, staring back. "As if that'd happen!" She snorted. "My SHIELD file says to let me be taken by someone so they get me out of your lab and away from supporting my brother because they want to force him to go back to the slayers and die there." She snorted again. "They wrote up the agents that came to get us from Norway for not leaving us up there to be raped. And it was stated that way." Jane's mouth opened.
Darcy pulled it up to show her. "So no, I doubt we'll go to SHIELD over anything to do with either of us. Even if that idiot human was a warlord or evil genius wannabe. I really need to get someone to add to his file." She considered it then sent a text message to Clint to ask her brother about that guy so it could be included that his minions hated making him pouty. Clint sent back a question mark so she said to ask Xander, he'd tell him. He agreed he could do that when he woke up. "There, that should help the good agents, if there's any left." She got back to data entry for Jane.
Jane blinked a few times. "Was that the only time that happened? And the one who took you hostage to help with Xander?"
"Nope," Darcy chirped then grinned at her. "But the rest were just pouty and of the opinion Xander needed more fun than they gave him so a girlfriend was fine. They heard 'baby brother' and decided I'm neat in my own way." She smirked. "A few I'm looking forward to seeing them woo my baby brother. Some others... Well, I'm sure they're nice enough to their minions. There really should be a union for minions."
She considered that. "Could we unionize the minions? That might make their bosses harder to defeat though." She tipped her head the other way to consider that. "Hmm. I'll ask Xander later. There might be one and we just need to help them get information out about their union." She sent Xander's phone a text message. He could get up around now. Then she noted to talk to Clint about that one wannabe kissing genius.
Jane shuddered but got back to her science. She didn't want to know what unionized minions would do.
Darcy got up and brought her tablet to Stark's lab, looking at him. "Got two?" He waved but grunted. She brought in her tablet and put it next to him, letting him read it. "So if I disappear, please help my brother find me?" She took her tablet back. "I was thinking. Would unionizing minions help any?"
"It'd probably help them since it'd mean they couldn't be tortured by their employers," Stark said dryly. "I have no idea how they'd do that."
"Well, Xander knows plenty of minions so I'll ask him later." She grinned. "Did you eat today?" He nodded slowly. "Great!" She grinned. "Let me get back to my data entry." She skipped back to the lab.
"I thought she liked order, not chaos," Stark said, staring at her back. "Maybe one of those minions would enjoy fixing that bad mental problem." He got into Darcy's files in the other agencies. It had been copy/pasted from SHIELD's so he settled in to fix the one for the FBI, then used it to copy/paste everyone else. Though he did erase SHIELD's file on her and Jane. He left that she was Xander's sister so he didn't have to hear complaints about everyone wanting them to screw. A video screen popped up and he stared at Quake. "She found out you wanted her to be captured, raped, and eventually killed for existing." He hung up on her.
In the SHIELD building Quake sighed and got up to talk to the bosses. Melinda was in there. "Stark just got into Darcy Lewis' file because apparently the old one was a poor thought for her health and well being," she said. Melinda stared at her. "He mentioned it said we wanted her to be captured, raped, and killed for existing?"
Phil Coulson looked that up in the backup, then nodded. "That's basically what it says, yes." He removed that and put some of that information back into her file. Then he wrote a note saying to leave Lewis and Harris alone before they took over humanity and made everyone peaceful and happy. Melinda snorted at that mention. "They could. If anyone could, Harris could. Or a few of the slayers making a wish. Some have tried already."
She shuddered. "I'd rather they both retired to an island somewhere quiet."
"That'd be horrible. Not like they can date each other," Daisy said sarcastically. "So they'd have to have at least a lover on hand to share." Melinda shuddered again, shaking her head. "I wonder if Darcy dates like her brother does."
"Some of his have tried to see," Coulson said patiently. "I'll check the other agency's files."
"Don't bother. He started there," she quipped with a grin. "With the FBI's files." She left them to talk.
He looked that one up and sighed. He added the notes to that one that would make sure they leave her alone. Then he saved it and left it alone. He looked at Melinda. "Do you still think Harris is an unstable warlord sort?"
"I think he's damaged and probably semi-stable but he's clearly got burnout and needs to retire."
"He did. That's why he's not working with the slayers directly. Not like that sort of service helps you with later career choices."
"Point." She left him to contemplate those two. She'd make sure if any other family members existed, they got evaluated and judged against the standard those two set. If they were normal, great. If not, maybe they could find a way to put them somewhere safely out of the way to save everyone the headache. That did remind her that she needed to submit a plan in case either one had children. Their children might just take over humanity. Or take it out.
Xander wandered out to get coffee from the main kitchen and came back to flop down across from Barton. "What wanter did my sister want me to talk to you about?"
"She didn't give me a name. Some guy that kidnaped both of you but his minions were mad that you made him pouty?"
"That narrows it down to three," Xander quipped. "Mr. AI Overlord, can you ask my sister which one she meant?" He took another sip.
"She mentioned something about sightseeing right before then," JARVIS noted patiently. "You really should eat, Mr. Harris."
"I will once my stomach's ready for solid stuff. Thanks." He looked at Clint again. "Percy."
"Is that the first name, the last name?" Clint asked, sounding amused.
"I don't think I know his last name." He grabbed a tablet off the table to look that guy's outfit up. "Here, that's his uniform." He let Clint see it.
"That narrows it down to four groups." He looked at each of them. "Him?" he asked, holding up a picture from a CIA file. Xander grinned and nodded. "Okay, why did she want me to talk to you about him so we can note his file?"
"Well, we were sightseeing but he kidnaped us from joking about all the action that one ship that shows up saw. And if walls could talk, the Navy would need a whole lot of rule fixing." He took another large sip. "I got knocked out and woke up to Darcy demanding them to let us go. Percy got mad and told her he didn't mind me slaking some of my stamina on her. Darcy went into yelling diva mode about how we're siblings, then she tazed him." He grinned as he drank the rest of the cup. "I got up to help her and had to stab an upper level minion. His minions got *so* pouty about us denying him his wanted nookie."
Clint blinked at him. "Was that before or after he moved to El Salvador?"
"Right before. I don't think it's the reason but it was maybe a month before." He shrugged. "I know Boris and Yarrel both laughed about that. So I zapped Yarrel to show him up. Talk about pouty boyfriends," he sighed. He got up to get more coffee, coming back with the pot to refill Clint's cup too. "You look like it's early for you too." He put the pot back and came back to sit down.
"Yarrel's said I'll have to pay extra next time I need something from him. Usually I just steal his second or third-in-command to disarm or build a bomb." He shrugged. "Boris laughed but agreed tazers were mean and my sister should be mean to protect herself." He took a sip then shifted and shrugged again.
"Only Perry and the other Percy would want to see us sexing each other up. Perry's just cranked that way and wants my kid to raise as his heir. Which I've told him repeatedly it can't happen because of the mermaid taint. Then again, Perry likes his stepsister. Waaaayyyy too much for my comfort levels around them. Including in public." He frowned and took another drink. "And the other Percy's uptight and moral but thinks a girl like Darcy would be good for me to settle down with once I finally give up. He's not listening that she's my sister. His daughter knows so when she takes him out it'll be okay."
Clint blinked a few times. "Okay, go slower. Let me make notes. That way we don't hurt their kids, or lovers." Xander smirked but nodded. They went over all the ones he had dated in the last few years, and some of his notable one-night stands if they were that tough. One Xander just mentioned and grinned then shrugged again and got more coffee to drink. So Clint left that there. That one was a super villain in the making. Maybe it'd help them stop them. When Natasha came up from her working out time, he let her have the notes.
She read them over then looked at the young guy on the other couch. "You have very dangerous tastes."
"They like me." He smirked. "I don't hunt down lovers, I'm sucky at it."
She handed the notes back to Clint, walking over to pat Xander on the head before walking off laughing. "I will find one who is dangerous enough for you but a decent enough person so your sister doesn't have to worry," she said before she went into her apartment to giggle to herself. It figured two of those noted had been taken down and out for liking Xander too much.
Xander looked at Clint. "Apparently she doesn't think I'm dangerous enough."
"She doesn't date."
"That figures. Neither did Alina. Who was hot. But somewhere in Liberia stuck in a portal."
"Nat!" Clint yelled. "He dated one of your classmates!" She came out to stare at Xander.
Xander grinned at her. "I dated Alina but she's stuck in a portal in Liberia to make sure it doesn't open again. We were on a date when it popped open in a demon temple."
"Short, black hair, very fine bone structure?" Xander grinned and nodded. "I did not know she was still alive."
"Kinda. The portal is like being in stasis."
"I should go see if we can free her and stop any invasion." She walked off frowning about that. She stepped back to look at him. "Any other Red Room graduates of note?"
He shrugged. "No clue. Her I've seen a picture of with you when you were both teenage girls."
"Yes, we were." She walked off frowning again. "Clint, pull up the files so he can identify any please."
"Yup," Clint called after her. He did that, letting Xander look them over. Two got purrs. Another got a note that she had teased and flirted with Darcy. Clint made notes. Including that one was still around and single and probably would adore flirting with Xander if he met up with her. He'd let Natasha introduce that topic. Yelina was a bad girl but not a *bad* girl.
Darcy ran into the underground bar they had met those two heros in. "Hey," she told the bartender, leaning closer. "There's a major battle starting just up the street. You need to evacuate and can you pull others? Thanks!" She ran off again.
The bartender looked at the others. "Apparently we're having a battle up the street, people. Let's clear the bar so we don't have to dig you guys out? Wade'll survive, the rest of us won't." They paid their tabs and left, being shooed away by agents showing up to help with the battle. Though they were blocked by Rosenburg. So yeah, they needed to go the other direction quickly. He did call up a few friends of Wade so they could jump in.
Buffy looked over at the first jumping in person. "They need beheaded," she called. "If you can't do that, you should go hide!" She ducked a paw. "Really?" she demanded, stomping a foot. "I'm trying to save others from smelling your fur. You need a shower worse than Xander probably does!"
"Xander is very pretty," the demon said happily. "Many of us see him as a pin up model. His sister as well."
"Um, ew. I doubt Xander would like that," Rosenburg complained.
"If they want to admire me, I'm fine with that," Darcy yelled. "So is Xander."
"Yup, I sure am." He smirked at the demons as he got out of the jeep and pulled out a weapon to fire it off at the demons. "You're in the city. There's innocent little kids here. Don't piss me off! Take it outside the city!"
"Fine," the demons complained but picked up slayers to carry off so they could finish that battle outside the city.
"Not exactly what I meant," Xander complained. The demons just smiled. "Okay. Let's do this my way then." He grabbed a different weapon and fired on them, blowing the demons up. "Nope. I'd hate to have them haunt me. They nag enough as is." He grabbed his axe and took on the last few with a few other fighters with blades of some sort or another. One had arm fins that were sharp but that worked too.
Darcy cheered as she got more people cleared while helping set up the medical tent. Someone grabbed her arm so she zapped them and they screamed. "No, not yours. Don't touch. Thank you!" She carried in another folded bed to set up. "Xander, your date from last month is here!"
"I'm busy, he can wait," Xander called back. "Maybe he'll give backrubs?"
Darcy looked at the guy, who whined but nodded. "Yeah, he said he could."
The guy got up to stare at her. "They've got a bounty on you being brought in."
"Who?" she asked, handing him a box and pointing. "In there. Be useful if you're not going to whack away at the demons."
"The CIA is willing to pay to keep you away from Xander."
"I doubt I'll ever leave my brother fully alone, even if he wanted me to." She smirked. "I'm not that sort of sister."
He shivered. "You're siblings?"
"Half. He's younger." She carried in her own box. "I love my baby brother, no matter how many people think we're screwing."
"Oh. I'll make sure they know that." He carried in a few boxes until someone shouted Xander was down, then he went to help.
Darcy came to look at things. Then she nodded and knocked out Rosenburg with a rock to the head. She took over the spell and banished the demon, wobbling at the end. One of the younger slayers caught her before she fell. "Damn. Sorry. I don't use it much." She held her head, walking over to where Xander was laying. "If you die, I'm going to have you reincarnated in my future daughter." Xander moaned. She grinned. "Maybe I'll have twins so you can be split in both." He moaned louder. "Uh-huh. C'mon. If that's a vision, we'll fight it too!" He blinked slightly so she helped him up. "Vision?" He nodded, swallowing hard. "Important right this moment?"
He looked then pointed. "Snipers," he called then passed back out in his sister's arms.
Clint spun and got them, helping Darcy move Xander to the medical tent. The other mercenaries were helping with that. Those agents got knocked down and out. Including by a guy who was wearing a knock-off of Stark's Ironman armor but clearly wasn't him since it was purple and silver.
Darcy came out to look at them. "Thanks, 'Drew!" she called with a grin and a wave. "Need more help?"
"No, I've got it," his voice said over his intercom setting. Then he flew off again.
Clint stared at Darcy, who grinned. "That's Andrew. The housemom guy." She went back to fussing at her brother.
"I thought he only did things like nanites," Clint muttered, heading to see if they needed him at the other location. The slayers had defeated the cuddling demons. The witches were fussing at Willow for nearly doing a spell that would've destroyed a few blocks. And wanted to talk to Darcy until someone noted she was Xander's half-sister. Then they decided she wasn't their sort of witch so left it there. Everyone else got cleaned up and sent home or to an ER if they needed more than field treatment. Darcy got to help Xander to her couch and cuddled in with his head in her lap. He had a headache.
In the main area, the heros were having a meeting. "Who was the guy in the suit?" Maria Hill demanded.
"Darcy said Andrew, the housemother guy," Clint said. Then he sipped his beer while Maria Hill's face turned puce. "I thought he just did nanites."
Natasha nodded. "That has been his most recent work," she agreed. "It was nice the mercenaries jumped in."
"Darcy told their bar so they could evacuate," Clint reminded her.
"Which was wise. We did get some help from them, including Deadpool."
"His swords were handy," Steve Rogers agreed with a slow nod. "Even if he is a bit...weird to me." He sipped his beer. "Xander good?"
"Headache. He had a vision about the snipers," Clint said.
"That's fine. Those things suck from what we've seen." He took another drink, looking at Hill, who was back to her calm, usual self. "Who was the guy Darcy zapped?"
Natasha frowned. "There was?" She pulled up news footage, then spotted the zapping. She said one quiet word in Russian then called someone. "I saw the one who wanted to pretend to be you in New York at the battle earlier." She hung up on him staying silent. "It appears he did not realize they were siblings." She rolled her eyes. "His intelligence is underwhelming in all meanings," she muttered in Russian. Clint grinned at her for that.
Steve cleared his throat. "Is he going to become a problem we have to see again?"
"Not if I have my way about it," she said casually, leaning back to get comfortable. "He tries very hard to be someone he's not."
He nodded. "Okay. That Andrew guy? I'm assuming he's on our side?"
"He used to want to take over humanity," she admitted. "He's given that up unless the slayers drive him mad."
Steve grimaced. "Why?"
Clint pulled up the files on that group for him. "The other two are dead."
Steve nodded slowly as he read, then sighed at the end. "So he's probably not evil. That's good at least." He looked around. "The witch she knocked out?"
"The coven said it'd destroy the area," Stark told him. "They're taking her back to Devon to help her concussion heal. Her head hurts too much to nag."
"She couldn't do anything lesser?" Steve asked.
"It may not have occurred to her," Natasha said. "That would definitely solve the problem. Like Xander using artillery did. It solved it but was too strong for the majority of the battle."
"It saved us from beheading them," Stark said. "I'm all for that." The others nodded. "He didn't cause any other damage. Beheading them would've." He grimaced as he sipped his water. "How did he get those?"
"He called up someone and they brought it," Hill said. She rubbed her forehead while comfortably slouching. "Maybe it'll be quiet for a few days." She checked on the building from her phone. "Someone tried to break into Banner and Foster's lab. Their little pet burned them. Great." She sent a message to see who it was. "Oh, one of the ex-boyfriends of Foster tried to break in to talk to her. Even worse." She put her phone down, face side down, and finished her first beer.
Stark nodded. "I saw that. He's in the local burn unit. Jane had a fit about him breaking in before the little thing got upset. It was protecting the auntie."
"Aw fuck!" Darcy said loudly. "Stark, we need hackers!"
"Why?" he called back, getting up to go that way when she didn't yell back. He walked in and spotted Xander moaning into his hands. "Vision?" he guessed.
She glared at him. "SHIELD has our kids."
"The vision had them finding the kids," Xander said, sounding tired through his hands. "Darcy tried to tell you but you didn't want to listen. So she found the other daddies and had one of the show up. Banner's kid's really a calm little toddler." He blinked at Stark. "I'm pretty sure it's for another realm, because you didn't know her yet. But...yeah, they have kids of yours. My nephew with Jane, two nieces from you and a SHIELD agent, and a set of weird twins that they messed with that were partially Jane and Bruce's and a little bit of Darcy's added in." Stark groaned. "They're worried that you're getting old and slower."
Stark nodded. "Who did it?"
"Fury knew." He looked at Darcy. "They took out an ovary section when they did your appendix."
"I lost my appendix at fourteen," she said, then considered it. "But I did get stabbed in London and had to get some minor surgery." She blinked at Stark. "We need to make sure for right now. Then we need to find a way to warn that realm."
"I'll call up the convention system and have someone go visit that you." Xander waved a hand. "I have to say, the other realm visions are a bit more sucky and hurt more." He got up slowly and carefully, going to get sick.
"Let me make him tea," she muttered. "Go find out if they did it here too, Stark?"
"Yeah. Because I'd kill someone." He went to find a way into SHIELD's old files. And found the plot. "Hey, they only gathered here, not started on my heir." He glared at Hill.
"Not in my duties," she said bluntly, staring back. "Is that what he saw?"
"In another realm apparently they had toddlers. Including Brucie and Darcy's spawn." He looked farther then smirked and sent a message to someone. They agreed that was a horrible idea and went to destroy that lab. "Thank you!" He got finished and tossed Bruce the tablet, letting him see what he had found.
Bruce Banner looked at it. "If they were born I'd spare them when I smashed the building. Since they're not, the building needs to be blown up with the samples in it."
"I asked someone to help," Tony said with a smug grin for him. "Xander had a vision about another realm's version. There, they had toddlers."
Bruce grimaced. "Hell no. Thanks for the warning." He handed the tablet back, going to make himself some tea.
Natasha stole the tablet to look then sighed. "There's some from agents as well." She glared at Hill.
"Not. My. Duty," she said firmly.
"You can help stop it," Natasha said dryly.
"I don't even know who's over it. That was one of Nick's side projects."
"Oh, I'm gonna talk with him," Darcy said as she came out. "A whole lot with my baby brother's baseball bat again." She went into the kitchen, coming back with a few tea bags. "Xander's out of his headache stuff. I took some of the raspberry since I know Bruce doesn't like it." She went back to her apartment to baby her brother.
Hill nodded. "Nick's in lower Greece this week." She finished that beer.
"We can find him," Natasha assured her, looking smug. "He will not escape this time."
Clint took the tablet to email that information to Coulson. They had samples of his kids there too.
The AI cleared his throat. "There's an alarm going off at the SHIELD building," he announced. "It doesn't appear to be an invasion however."
Clint grinned. "Yeah, he's not gonna be happy." He grinned at Natasha, who shivered. "They had his kid with Simmons."
"I'd worry more about what she and Fitz will do," Natasha admitted. "Coulson will go cold and fix it. They may just destroy the universe."
"True." They shared a look. "Hey, JARVIS, send that same report to Dr. Jemma Simmons as well please."
"Of course I can. Though their lab is in lockdown thanks to the alarm." He did that and made sure it popped up on their screen. A pause. "They've read it, and the alarms are going to be about the fit throwing. I've never heard that turn of phrase before."
"The Scottish are wonderfully inventive at swearing," Hill agreed. She got up. "Let me tell Phil I can't meet him for dinner tonight."
"The whole base is gathering for Tai Chi," JARVIS noted.
Hill just nodded. "That's only happened a few times before. It's the step before we destroy ourselves and have to rebuild again." She went to her office to hide. And send Phil an email saying they could meet some other night for dinner. Code Tai Chi was the step before setting off the self destruct with everyone in the building.
In the SHIELD building, the alarm was finally shut off because it gave everyone a headache. Melinda sent out an announcement across the base. "Due to great anger, all agents are ordered to the exercise yard for an exercise in Tai Chi," she said calmly. "Lab personnel are also expected to attend. STRIKE is not discluded at this time." She hung up and went to walk Coulson to the yard. "Start, we will fall in."
"I need to kill him."
"In your current state, you'll end up going through most of us on the way to Nick's hideout. Start, I'll make sure the others join in." He nodded, starting to move slowly and smoothly, trying to focus the anger. Agents came out and fell in, ranging around the yard. It was a bit cramped but that was fine.
Once everyone was involved, she looked at the group. "Thanks to a vision by Harris, we know that another realm was making the Avengers and certain agents children," she announced, watching them continue but take some deep breaths.
"Here, Nick Fury has them in a sample lab but they are not ready to be implanted." That got a few more deep breaths. A few agents had to stop to recenter themselves before going back to it. "We will be dealing with that lab tonight. Once we are sure we will not destroy the rest of SHIELD."
One of the STRIKE guys looked at her. "Ours?" he called.
Melinda smiled coldly. "No. You'd have to get there before the lab personnel."
"When will we find out we got used so we can figure out someone got samples?" that guy asked.
Melinda stared at him. "You were not included. You've already bred two children that we may want to recruit some year." He glared. She smirked. "The only three in STRIKE used were Rollins, Bakersfield, and Sams." All three agents glared at her. "Two were to lesser scientists. Rollins was going to be bred to Daisy."
"Like hell," Daisy quipped. "He's pretty but mean. Not my type."
"Ditto," Rollins called from his spot in a corner. "I'm not into mouthy women."
Phil looked back at him. "Former Director Fury bred me with Simmons, Rollins. At least your kid would be an agent."
He blinked then shuddered. "Was he trying to recreate Lewis?"
"A few of the Avengers were mixed with hers," Melinda said smugly. They all nodded and got back to the group exercise to calm down.
"Former Director Fury has joined SWORD in space," Fitz said from the doorway with a smirk for Melinda. "I think he's trying to hide from us." He walked off. "That lab is being taken out by a demon thanks to Lewis calling in one of her half-brother's contacts and Stark asking one of his own."
Simmons paused in the doorway. "In the vision, that other realm had them born, they were about twoish." They shuddered. "And no one wanted to believe her so she got to raise them herself." She followed her labmate.
Melinda looked at the group. "Exactly why this was called." Everyone nodded and got back to it before they had a massive fit. Coulson was still seething but he was outwardly calm. They got to hear an explosion alarm go off but it got shut off very fast.
"Sorry, bit of stress relief by the labbies," Simmons said over the intercom. "Nothing's harmed but part of the garage floor." She hung up and went to lay a few more explosives.
Coulson started on a new set but he was more amused now. His people handled things so he didn't have to and he loved them for that.
"If we were used and want to keep the embryos, can we ask?" an agent asked.
Daisy looked at him. "If you try, I'm switching it so you raise a little me."
"Never mind," he agreed, nodding quickly and getting a drink from a nearby fountain then coming back to the group.
Melinda smiled at her protégé for that bit of fixing. No one was going to continue with that plan. Especially not SHIELD. And if some other group got the embryos, well, STRIKE was bored so they could have a playdate with explosive toys.
Because Josette's needing something new to read, before she finds more horrible things.