The Son of Jane Foster
Thor looked down from his throne, being bored by all the people wanting things. It was a general hearing day so anyone could show up, tell him about their petty things, and get his advice. He noticed someone moving through the crowd and that was slightly interesting. It could be an assassination attempt maybe, which would at least be *something*. No, it was a woman. In a cloak. A bit heavy looking underneath it. Then she pushed her hood back. It was someone he knew and suddenly he was not bored any longer.
"I charge the king with being a gutless coward," Darcy Lewis said bluntly and firmly. "Completely a coward, he ran from his responsibilities." Thor glared. She stared back, moving the cloak away from her body, showing off the carrier on her chest. Thor gasped. "That's right, Thor. The baby you abandoned on Midgard. The one you saw his mother carrying and ran the other direction like a gutless coward. Well, he's born, and safe, and you're still a coward and not allowed to see him ever again." She smiled coldly. "It has to be noted that he's alive though. Or so I'm told is proper by Jane's spirit manifestation."
Thor stood up. "You dare accuse me, Darcy?"
"They called you up for help after Jane got pregnant accidentally. Though you never tried to prevent it in any way. Unfortunately her birth control failed and they called you when she started to shed energy. By the way, that's what killed her." Thor flinched back. "As you know because it's all in your medical literature." She looked to the side at the guard sneaking her way. "Isn't it?"
"Aye, it's well known that a pregnancy between Midgardians and Asgardians can be harmful to the mother," he admitted. "But there's treatments."
"Yes, but when we called on Thor to come help his fiancé Jane, he took one look at her and ran the other direction. Literally stomped off." She stared at Thor, petting the baby's hair down. "So we are noting today that Thor's son does exist and will never be up here again. It was her final command that Thor never be in the baby's life. Never know him. Never see him." She sneered at the guard.
"Move. I'm Darcy Goddess Damned Lewis." The guard flinched back, he had heard that myth! She looked at Thor as he stomped down the stairs. "Maybe if you weren't such a whiny coward you could've saved Jane's life. And I wouldn't be raising her son with my boyfriend." She smirked and cut her thumb with her belt dagger, spreading it across the baby's forehead. "You are mine, Eric Albert Foster. I adopt you into my family and my lineage and my life. You shall always be mine. So mote it be." A gong went off and she let the baby suck off the blood, making him coo.
"Thankfully we did get *some* help to protect the baby at least. What a dirty little asshole you've become, Thor. No wonder your hammer isn't wanting you." She pulled it off her back and dropped it. "Jane had it at the end. It came to try to protect her as the energy shedding ate her body." He shuddered, stepping back. "So you know you have a son, but you'll never see him. I'll protect him with my life, and against yours." She walked off.
"You cannot do that, Darcy." He called lightening.
She grabbed something out or her pocket, undoing the staff. "You go right ahead, Thor." He tried to zap her but she was wearing rubber boots and gloves, and the spear grounded it into the floor. She smirked. "Science, yay." She walked him off again. "Note it in your books, people. And don't come back to Midgard again." She looked at the very scarred Heimdall, nodding at him. "Thank you for letting me have my say, Heimdall."
"You're welcome, Darcy Lewis. He is adorable."
"Sometimes." She grinned. "Thankfully we got help to protect him from the energy. It's only charged his magic." She winked and disappeared. She landed back at the Avengers compound, nodding at them. "C'mon, Eric. Let's have some nummies. You need nummies and it's more than time for it." She headed into the kitchen area, getting him a bottle made and settling in to feed him. "There. I know you don't like the taste, no one does, but you gotta eat," she said when he tried to spit it out. "Really, you gotta eat, kiddo."
Stark walked in, staring at them. "It's probably not as good as a mommy."
"Yeah but finding breastmilk is really hard sometimes." She shrugged. "Not like I started to spontaneously lactate." She looked at the alert starting. "Looks like Thor's still having his hissy fit."
"Great." Tony went to drive him off. Thor appeared in a rage. "I was there when he was born, Thor. I was there when we called you down to help your girlfriend. Jane was *certain* she did not want you anywhere near that child with the way you ran from them." He stared at him. "If I have to put on the suit, I will to protect that child." Thor stomped forward but Tony's shields kept him out. "No. Not today. Or ever really. Jane's still around, just as an energy manifestation." He grinned. "I should see if she's around."
Thor glared at him. "If that child is mine he must prove it."
"We have DNA," Tony said, pulling up that test. "Run twice actually. By myself and Dr. Cho, who had your cells on file to heal your stupid ass." He showed him. "Also he's got magic. The energy shedding turned his on and Darcy's."
"If he is mine, he will come home with me."
"No he won't," a female voice said, Jane Foster fading into view. "Never. I don't want him anywhere near you. You took one look at me and turned and stomped off, Thor. So he's not your son. He's my son and now Darcy's son. He'll *never* be your son." He tried to call lightening but she short circuited it. She grinned at him after he realized it. "Yeah, there's science over here too. I've learned so much more now." He stepped away from her to get closer to Tony.
"We all know, Thor. Stark got called in to help contain my death. Princess Shuri helped by video conference. Hell, we even saw Rocket once. Yet, you ran because you knew what was going to happen. You did it on purpose. My IUD was dissolved somehow. Hadn't been near anything that would melt copper but you." She crossed her arms over her chest, scowling at him. "You used me to get an heir so you didn't have to marry anyone, Thor, and we all know that. So scram. Before I have to get Darcy's boyfriend to help."
"If he is my son he should be home with me."
"If you touch him, I'm having Darcy blow up the throne room," Jane shot back. Then she smirked. "Her boyfriend would *love* to help."
"Ditto," Stark agreed. "The other Avengers agreed too."
"He is mine, my blood."
"Yeah, well, you blew that by running," Jane said, waving a hand. "Have a fun time. I'm going to finish talking to your mother in the afterlife. You're just like Odin. Now, go." She pointed.
Thor tried to move closer but a man showed up with a sword and got him in the back, making Thor spin but the guy grinned and wiggled his fingers. "Hey, how are you? By the way, the blade's poisoned with demon slime." He grinned. "Get away from my stepson and girlfriend. Permanently."
"Xander," Jane sighed. "That's mean to poison him with demon slime."
"Honorable warning is always honorable, Jane. Next time it'll be fatal instead of just sickening." He grinned at Thor. "You want to leave, right?" He pulled something out of his pocket and broke it under his foot. "Hey, Hugo, this is Thor. He does not get near my stepson. Ever. He walked out on his girlfriend knowing she was going to die by his spawn."
The demon looked at Thor and nodded. "Eligible for retribution. Definitely ready for some." Thor got away from him and headed home. "Hmm." He looked at Xander, who grinned. "I'll make sure the baby's protected." He disappeared.
Stark stared at the younger guy. "Didn't I say no demons here?"
"Probably. Sorry!" He grinned, going inside to kiss Darcy and the baby. "Hey, Eric! Are you having nummies?" He picked him up to cuddle, dancing and humming with him.
Tony walked in already shaking his head. Jane had disappeared again. "Is he okay?"
"Yeah. His trip to Asgard didn't hurt him any." She took him back to burp. "That's better. Finish the nummies?" She let him have the bottle back. "There, you eat, Eric."
Xander leaned down to kiss her again. "I felt the adoption take?"
"Yeah." They shared a grin. "He's ours now."
"Good." He took a third kiss and winked before texting someone and disappearing again.
She looked down. "He'll be back in a few days. You know he will because the young slayers drive him nuts." The baby cooed and kicked a bit, being happy with that. "Me too, yeah. Lots of little kids would drive me just as nuts." She got comfortable, nodding at Bruce and Clint when they came in. "We did the formal blood adoption rite just a bit ago in the throne room. Thor's really mad."
"Great, but he doesn't deserve anything," Clint said, pausing to wave at the sipping kid. "Hey, Eric!" The baby cooed at him. "Good boy, you eat." He patted Darcy on the head, dodging her bite attempt. "You two have fun. Your boy?"
"Showed up to help then had to go back to Samira I think."
"Great." He went into the kitchen. Bruce had flopped down shaking his head. Clint needed coffee.
Tony frowned, looking around. "I hear something."
"Wanda's in Wakanda getting lessons," Clint told him. "Doubt it's her."
"No, it's him," Darcy said with a grin for the baby. "Are you telling us you're pooping again?"
They all heard the chirp of 'poops' and groaned. "Great, so he's telepathic?" Stark asked.
"I think just the big feelings," Darcy said, getting up to change her boy's dirty butt. "There, all clean!" She had to back in there. "So this is another time of the big pooping huh? Well, let me get out a clean diaper and maybe guard the walls. Stark, I need a towel or something," she called. "He's going to explosively poop."
"What?" he demanded.
Clint snickered, shaking his head. "He'll projectile poop, Stark. She'll want something to catch it before it hits the wall."
"Kids can't do that!"
"Human kids can't do that. That one's got magic and Asgardian blood." He sipped his coffee. "She's really going to need a towel or that bathroom will need a lot of cleaning. He's got pretty good aim. The wife was *highly* amused about him doing that the first time. Until we had to repaint a bathroom." He took another sip.
Stark went to get her a softer drop cloth and got to witness the kid flinging his poop at the walls. "How is he doing that?"
"Magic," she quipped. "I had that problem at first with tampons. It's not comfortable, he's probably a bit blocked up, so he's getting rid of the painful thing."
"Wow." The baby finally quit and cooed as he peed again.
She sighed, cleaning him up and rediapering him. "There!" She grinned. "I'm going to give you medicine to make sure you can't do that again! Either that or fiber!"
"Pretty soon he'll be on solid foods and can eat fiber," Stark said, helping by taking the dirty drop cloth to drop in the trash. No one was going to wash that mess. Darcy came back out with the clean kid and his diaper bag. Clint handed her back the bottle, it still had a tiny bit formula left in it. She settled in to let him finish it and nap. If he would, he might want to play.
Xander showed back up patting the smoking parts of his shirt. "Sorry, holy dry ice." He finished cleaning himself off before taking the kid, who squealed because that shirt was still cold. He grinned at him. "I know but the succuba had to be dealt with because they were picking on a slayer's sister." He settled in beside Darcy to cuddle them both. "Hey," he said with a grin at Bruce.
"Xander," he said with a nod. "He just manifested an interesting gift."
"The telling you he's about to poop or the fountain of poop?" he asked with a grin.
"Both," Stark said.
"Aww," he said, grinning at the baby. "Did you poop that hard again?" The baby burbled and kicked a bit, having a lot of fun with this one.
Darcy leaned her head on his shoulder, teasing the baby's stomach. "You're a good boy. Most of the time."
"He'll be a great little boy for us." He grinned and kissed her. "The same as you'll be a great mom to him." She grinned and took another kiss then went back to teasing the kid.
Xander grinned at him. "What? I could tease you too but it'd have to be with shiny things like my pocket knife. You'll learn to appreciate those I'm sure."
"Not like I want him to be a warrior," Darcy said patiently.
"He'll still need self defense," he shot back, giving her a pointed look then glared at the succuba and witch behind the couch. "When did you become a succuba, Willow?"
"I haven't. She brought me up so I could see you destroyed." She leaned over his shoulder, grinning and waving. "Hi, Eric! Are you having a happy day!" The baby witch beamed and shot sparkles at her. "That's such a good boy!" She took him to cuddle. "Very pretty and harmonious sparkles, little man!" She got the away from the succuba. Who Xander threw more dry ice onto. That one squeaked as she disappeared. She brought him back to let Darcy have the baby back. "He's doing okay?"
"Yeah. Not a single use that hasn't been his pooping trick," Darcy said with a grin. "And he even announced it first."
"Aww. That's weird." She smirked at the baby. "Be a good boy or I'll let the mini slayers babysit you." She disappeared.
Xander shuddered. "That's a threat there." Darcy swatted him on the arm. "It is! There's nineteen slayers between six and fifteen. They'll all think he's the prefect doll to play with, dress up, all that. He'll end up more warped than I am!"
She rolled her eyes. "I'd never leave little kids with him. They'd have to have an adult."
"None of them can win against the mob of minis. Even Giles gets out stubborned. It's why there's no more broccoli in the house. Their whine-a-thon took six weeks. We all had headaches from them until we finally gave in." He shifted to cuddle her better.
Stark and Bruce shared a look then went to the lab to get away from the cooing. Clint settled in to watch news. Xander whispered in Darcy's ear, making her poke him while blushing.
So yeah, the son of Jane Foster would be okay with his adopted mom.
Note: asgard was saved. Death before the story begins but is mentioned a few times.