Darcy was on the phone the next time her son had a run in with his former hostage. "You need fucked up the ass with the common sense stick, Hannah. You really do. If you had any you'd realize that dating someone who has a known abuse history is a really bad idea. I don't want to point him out of a lineup after he hurts you. So can you not?" She spotted her son in the apartment. "Gotta go. The kid kidnaped someone. Again." She hung up on her laugh. "Son, why do we have a hostage in here?"
Rollins grinned. "I brought intel for the idiots. He knew I'd make a great hostage."
"I should lock you in a closet and call Hill."
"Probably. Wish you wouldn't." He looked her over. "You look cute today."
She smirked. "Thanks. Adrian, go find your uncle and tell him about your hostage."
"Yes, Mommy!" He ran off to do that. He had missed his uncle. After his day of grounding they had went on a mission for a super long time. He missed his weird, fun uncle.
Darcy sat down with a sigh, staring at him. "Did I answer the last email?"
"You did and it was cute." He looked her over again. "Can you take off the scarf?"
She stared at him. "After I found out you bugged my bedroom so you could listen to me snore or masturbate?" He just smirked. "Who else got into the feed?"
"Just Rumlow but he's another that wanted to woo you, princess."
"Uh-huh." She checked her watch. "FRIDAY, did my son forget?"
"They're cuddling. Well, he's cuddling Bruce and babbling at him at the moment but Agent Barton is listening."
"I should still shove you in a closet." She gave him a pointed look. "You broke into my apartment?"
"No. That guard guy caught me for the kiddo and brought me up."
"I need to have a talk with him."
"He's got a huge shrine to you in his place."
"Great." She got up to get something to drink, coming back. She let him have a drink. "I'm at least humane." He looked down her top again. "Quit that. The last time I had a one-night stand it was with his daddy."
"Been too long then. Could make you feel better."
"Yeah, but you're tied up for my son." She smirked back. "I'm not into bondage and it's wrong of me to take advantage of someone who's a hostage."
"I can pick these locks easily. I'm not helpless."
"Yet."
"I can get free of SHIELD. They're waiting to get me free."
"Hmm." She did take off her cardigan sweater and put it on the couch. He hummed at that. "That's all I'm taking off before the first date, Rollins."
"Call me Jack, love."
"Jack then." She looked up. "Tell my son to leave Brucie alone. He's probably knocked him out."
"He's telling daycare jokes to Agent Romanoff," the AI said. Darcy moaned. Jack reacted to that and had to shift how he was sitting. She shook her head with a grin. "Your ...hostage did ask your son to take extra time."
"Uh-huh." She stared at him. She got up to let him have more water then started on dinner. It was her son's favorite so he'd quit bothering people.
"Lewis," Stark said over the AI. "Your son's bouncy."
"I told him to go tell Clint one message. His hostage told him to give him some extra flirting time," she shot back. "Nudge him back on track and tell him I'm making spaghetti as mac n'cheese like he likes."
Upstairs, Stark looked at the bouncy kid. "Your mom said you were supposed to be giving your uncle a message and she's making mac n'cheese with spaghetti how you like."
His eyes went wide. "Mommy loves me." He bounded over to Clint, staring at him. "My hostage came back!" He beamed and nodded a bit. "He said he has 'tel."
"He has intel?" Clint asked. The boy beamed and nodded, hauling on his hand until he got up to follow him. "Which hostage, Adrian?"
"Mine!" He beamed. "Guard daddy guy gave him to me."
"Guard daddy guy?" he asked, looking back at Stark.
"He say to call him daddy." Adrian shrugged. "Not his name?"
"It may be. Not sure. I'll have to talk to him."
"I did but I can do it again," Bucky said from his seat. "Tell Rollins to scram before I get up?"
"Yeah, I can do that." That figured. It so figured. Adrian led him back to the apartment, letting him follow him inside. "Hey, Darcy." He stared at Rollins, who nodded at the envelope. "Really?"
"Not my doing. The guard that wants her hotly tied me up. She's threatened to put me in the closet."
Clint stared at him. "I'll talk with the guy who said Adrian was to call him daddy. Just you?"
"Just me. They'll rescue me from SHIELD later."
"Rumlow?"
"Probably listening in." He smirked. "He thinks she's aces too."
"She is."
Darcy cleared her throat. "Not sure I could be poly that way," she said dryly. "I'm more into one-on-one." Rollins looked pleased. "And you still are under arrest if SHIELD finds you outside the tower. That'll probably end up hurting Adrian. They do like to shoot and then figure out they made a mistake."
"Hey!" Clint complained.
She looked at him. "One nearly shot me for walking into the lab the other day because he was trying to break in, then realized who I was and started to lie about why he was there. I'm hoping Hill got him out of the trash chute."
"Yeah, she was grossed out. He fell onto caf trash." He opened the envelope while Darcy finished off dinner and got the kid sitting at the table to eat. Adrian hummed while he ate and was a happy boy. Clint looked up. "We sure?"
"Yeah. Very sure. He's injured too. Rumlow ran into him first."
"Great. Thank you for that. Darcy, can he go free?"
"Is that really up to me?"
"Well...." He considered it. "Thrill him with a good night kiss and I'll make Hill's night with him."
She leaned down, staring at Rollins. "Jack, quit listening to me sleep or whatever I do in my bedroom please." She gave him a pointed look. "That's cheating and it makes it harder to wait. After all, it's not even been a first date." She gave him a kiss but he deepened it. She moaned into it but pulled back. "Naughty you."
"Well, I am a bad man, darl." He got up and Clint walked him off, letting him grin back at her. In the elevator he sighed. "I want that."
"Yeah, you and a guard who apparently told the kid to call him daddy. Adrian thought that was his first name."
Jack smirked at him. "I'll have a talk with him later." He got free but a gas came down and knocked him out. Clint was dizzy so he leaned out of the elevator when it stopped, staring at the waiting agents. He grinned, handing over the envelope. Jack moaned so Clint got out of the way, taking the stairs back up to the avengers area.
Hill grinned. "I love presents. Even if I do have to pay a paperwork tax for the gift." Her agents hauled him up and down to her office jail cell. She sent a picture to Coulson's phone, getting a question mark back. She sent back what had happened. It took ten minutes to get to the tower from the nearest SHIELD base. He wasn't up there today, or Melinda. Daisy was close enough and she showed up. She grinned at her. "He's stalking Lewis."
"Best bit of listening ever," Jack said from his seat. He was barely awake. "We'll talk to that guard later."
Hill looked at him then at Daisy. "I'll talk to that guard later. Watch him, they'll try to get him back. He's already promised a rescue attempt. I'd rather have it at the base than here."
"It's safer. Fewer civilians who might get hurt." She looked at him. "He's tall."
"He's got a filthy mind," Hill warned.
"She's not stacked like Darcy is."
"No, I'm not and I'm okay with that. I'm very body positive," Daisy quipped. She hauled him up and used her power to make him ache a bit. "Don't give me shit or I'll hurt you. Then she won't have to worry about who's listening to her at night. She can probably even buy porn in celebration." She hauled him out with the help of Hill's agent team. He got checked into the SHIELD jail and she warned the guards. They were still knocked out during the rescue attempt but she got Rumlow down and nearly out. Rollins had to save his butt so they could all leave together.
Rumlow looked her over then smirked. "I like them mouthy and tough."
"Yeah, but I like manners and clean boys." She got him again and the team got free, barely, before leaving. She sighed, calling that in before checking on the rest of the guards. Most of the were fine.
***
Coulson woke Darcy up the next morning, walking in when she opened the door and grunted at him. "Why was he here?"
"To give over something," she grunted, going for coffee.
"I see. The information?"
"Ask Clint."
"I can do that in a minute." He stared at her. "He's flirting with you."
"He's got my bedroom bugged," she complained. "Which is super creepy but better than your people doing it." She stared at him as she sipped. "At least he didn't want to kidnap me to do more than sex me up."
"I'd never kidnap you, Lewis. I'd like you to work for SHIELD of your own free will."
"Fuck no thank you anyway." She took another drink. "He got a kiss. He wanted to stare at my tits. He listened to me getting happy the other day."
Coulson cleared his throat. "I see. Are you reciprocating?"
"I never do more than chat for days before the first date. I don't screw on the first date most of the time. He knows that. I made that clear."
"Good. It's safer. He's not exactly a nice man."
She snorted. "Are any of your people nice?"
"Well, no," he admitted. "Many men you work around or near aren't really considered nice. Polite but not nice."
"He was very polite. He wasn't overtly flirting even when I sent Adrian to get Clint."
"Hmm. That's nice of him."
"He did say Rumlow heard when I asked how many had listened to his feed."
"He's even more dangerous, Darcy."
"I know. I read their dossiers thanks to Hill."
"Good." He stared at her. "You really do need to date someone nice."
"I'd like that too. My last date tortured for the CIA apparently." She poured herself another cup of coffee. "Son, get up and go potty," she called. He grumbled but did go to the bathroom to pee and brush his teeth. "Remember to wash your hands after you potty and before you brush your teeth. Otherwise it's nasty."
"Yes, Mommy."
"Thank you." She stared at Coulson, who grinned. "It is."
"It is," he agreed. "I've had to remind a few adult agents of that fact." He stared at her. "Are you actually interested in him?"
She shrugged. "We've only emailed a few times. He does kiss really nicely." She sipped again.
Coulson sighed but nodded. "If so, I'll put a warning in his file to be careful of you and the kid if we have to take him down." She smirked. "I know some agents won't be."
"And they'd die. Horribly. I will become the great evil the Avengers will never be able to stop."
"Good. Mothers should be that way." He left, going to talk to Maria. "They kissed?" She pulled up the video for him. "He is very flirty. I don't remember him being that way. That was more Rumlow's thing."
"Apparently he liked being taken hostage by the kid."
"Great. The bug in her bedroom?"
"Can't find it. I've had a few people search. Stark forgot."
"If you find it, let me know. And her of course. Is she enjoying the attention?"
"She does deserve a few good dates, Phil."
"I agree, she does. I don't consider him good enough."
"He took a long time to pick out the perfect sidearm to give to the kid for his last birthday. Very light, good quality." Coulson stared at her oddly. "Seriously." She pulled up the picture part of that file to show him. "Adrian calls him his hostage."
"I like the kid. If I had ever had a kid I'd want one like that one. Maybe less pirate and more superhero though. Or maybe sports."
"Wilson feels the same way." She stared at him. "If he's really determined I don't think we can honestly stop him without killing him. Which would hurt the kid because it's probably going to be near him. They're ghostly when he's not here stalking her."
"I'll see if we can work on that." He handed the tablet back. "Did she keep it?"
"Yeah, and it's registered."
"Good. She could probably use it." He frowned. "When is her next speech?"
"Russian conference." He winced. "We're getting her and Foster guards since they're both going. The kid will stay with her mom."
"I'll put guards around her mom to make sure they don't kidnap the kid." He rubbed his thumb over his eyebrow. "Anything else I need to know before I go nap on my office couch?"
"Not yet. I'm going to have a talk with that guard."
"Have fun with that. I'm sure it'll be stress relieving." He left, going back to the office. He had to go over the post-incident report and yell at the few who weren't paying attention. Daisy was amused at the getting free and being flirted with. He'd show her Rumlow's file so she knew to just hit him next time.
***
Darcy heard a noise so looked up in time to see a certain guard coming off the elevator looking panicked. She got up and locked the door then sat back down. He tried to get in but she shook her head, not looking at him. He tried harder so she got up to hold the door closed while reading on her phone. Jane watched and sent a message to Clint, who sent back he wanted film of Hill chasing him down. Darcy was clearly not paying attention to him trying to get in until the guy ran off because Hill came off the elevator. Then Darcy pointed for her.
"Thank you," Hill called as she strolled after that asshole.
Darcy texted Happy, who came off the elevator a minute later and got her into the decontamination chamber the guy had locked himself in. Then he walked off shaking his head. Unfortunately Adrian came off the elevator so he had to hurry him into his mom's lab before he had to see anything too mean or get caught up in it.
Darcy grinned, accepting her son. "We didn't need him to see that." Happy relocked the door and headed back to his office to watch it on video. That way he could look away if Hill got too mean. Maria had been frustrated recently and needed some stress relief. He was a poor substitute but he'd probably do well enough for now.
Darcy grinned at her son, who grinned back. They got back to her ideas on how to do an energy alarm. It needed some refinement. A lot of refinement. It looked like an early Jane invention full of duct tape. Though her son did love duct tape. The guard guy ran back and tried to get in again but Jane scowled and found Darcy's tazer to pick up. He ran off again.
Darcy sighed, grinning at Jane, who grinned back. "That could've been nasty if he had taken a little pirate hostage."
"Well, hopefully Hill will have fun with him later." Hill came stomping past this time. "He took the stairs," Jane called. Hill waved and went down the elevator to stop him near the bottom. No, he got off on the civilian level. He apparently had a hidey-hole in there somewhere. Hill called her team. "He's playing hide and seek, people. Find his hidey-holes. Adrian Lewis is in the labs so only worry if he's got another kid." They nodded, going to do a room by room search while she checked the daycare. "None of the kids are missing, right? Or wandering? I've seen Adrian."
"Bethany went up to stare at Stark's robots." Hill called that in and Darcy went to get her so they could giggle in her lab together. The kids liked to giggle and play with his blocks up there. The daycare worker smiled, sending a note to Darcy. She got back a picture of the kids playing safely together. So that was good. She saw why Hill was worried when that guard tried to sneak out.
She was the sister of an agent, she knew about assholes. She went out to waylay him by talking to him about watching over Adrian while he wandered. He looked nervous and kept checking for someone to find them. When he spotted one he shoved her and ran off again. The daycare worker laughed at that but oh well. She told her brother, who was conveniently in the city anyway. And formerly SHIELD.
***
Hill walked out the door like the text message had said to. "Rumlow," she said. "It figures."
He grinned. "One of my guy's sisters warned him about a certain guard. You couldn't catch him, Hill?"
"Shut up, I was having a fun hunt."
"That is fun, yeah. Well, thankfully Jack's out of the city at the moment." He opened the trunk with his keychain remote.
Hill looked in the trunk then at him. "You had him for an hour and he's only that bruised?"
"I thought Lewis might want to taze or hit him a few times."
"Probably not. She's only aware he's crushing and may have a few pictures."
"Oh, no, that's coming to her lab in a bit. We stripped that on him last night." He smirked a bit, straightening up to move closer. He stared at the guard who was stalking Darcy and Adrian. "You really want to leave Lewis alone, right? Before Rollins gets back to have a talk with you too?" The guy could only moan and sob. "Good! We like cooperation." He grinned at Hill, hauling the guy out to hand over.
"Have some fun, Hill. It's clear you need more fun in your life. You're looking old." He got into the car but she had hit it with a tracker already and shot at him until he laughed. Then someone crashed into him. He had to get out and leave on foot but he was still amused. Until he ran into Loki, who was highly amused at those who wanted to become the stepfather for that special little child he was entailed to watch over.
Hill spotted the magic sparkles and groaned. "Damn it." She walked off, taking the guy from the guards holding him. "Loki stole Rumlow."
"He's supposed to watch over the kid," one of the guards reminded her. "So he's probably getting the 'be good to that child and his mother' speech from hell."
"One can only hope," she agreed. They took the guard back inside to talk to him some more. Rumlow had left him sensitive but not too damaged. She had no idea why he was crying, other than he was weak.
One of the guards had been paid by Rollins to report about anything interesting to do with Lewis or the kid so he kindly sent a message about Rumlow. It was an extra bit to his paycheck and kept them from stalking in the tower.
"I saw that," Hill warned.
"Telling them that Rumlow disappeared keeps the from sneaking in here again, boss."
She looked at him. "Perhaps." He blushed and went to the guard office to do some paperwork that needed to be done. So maybe more stress relief there later.
***
Jane accepted the copier paper box that had been shipped. "Is this office supplies? I thought we ordered that on Thursdays."
"You do." Happy stared at her. "Rollins and Rumlow's people got the pictures from that guard that wanted Darcy so hard. That's his shrine from what I'm told."
Jane winced. "She's going to have a fit."
"Could be. He had a good eye for his trash, stalking pictures." He walked off so Jane could tell her. Darcy would pout and quietly go throw a fit later probably but better to do it at Jane than him.
Jane set the box in Darcy's chair. She was at lunch with the kids in the daycare. She looked. The guy did take great pictures of Darcy when she was out getting things or at the local campuses. A lot of great shots of her walking and carrying coffee. Some with the kid and some without. She closed the box lid. She'd get some fun from watching Darcy go over that.
Darcy came back pulling up her hair. "I heard we got stuff?"
"The guard that's helped Adrian with his hostages had a shrine of pictures. He takes nice ones."
Darcy stared at her. "Excuse me?" Jane pointed. Darcy opened the box to stare at the pictures on top. "That is a nice picture. I can't take that good of ones even with a professional photog." She moved the box to a low table so she could sit down and go through it. "Huh. The stalker has a camera in my bathroom ceiling. And my bedroom." Jane winced. She put those two aside and got back to looking through them.
"Well. He likes me in green. A lot of me in green things." Jane got out of the way but kept watching her entertainment. "Oh, and a group of red. He must've color grouped. How nice for his shrine!" She dug down and found one. "That's a video still." She stared at what it was. "We need to have someone go search his house for that tape, Jane. He apparently took porn."
She reached back to get her phone, sending that to Happy. Who sent back he'd ask him where it was. "Probably in Rollins' bedroom," she muttered. Then she sighed. "Oh, hey, they have me talking with...is that a skrull? He's got a filter that can see through their illusions. Great! Hill will be amused. Or Jimmy maybe." She took a picture of that picture and sent it to him with the note that her stalker had a camera that could see through their illusions as she hadn't ever talked to a green person. Then she went back to it, just growling slightly.
Hill walked in. "What did you find?"
"Well, first. The sweeping teams for bugs apparently missed some," she said, holding up those two. "That's my bedroom and my bathroom." Hill winced. "And he took film." She held up that still. "Also, apparently he has a camera that can see through illusions." She held up that one. Jimmy strolled in so she handed that one to him. "You'd have to ask where he's hiding from my tazer, Jimmy."
Agent Woo grinned. "I'm hoping he's buried someone, Darcy. Since that looks like some stalker's shrine."
"It is," Hill agreed. She handed the three pictures back. "We're going to go do a thorough search of your place, Lewis."
"Don't touch my sex toys without gloves. Or eat my cookies."
"Fine." She looked at Jimmy then at Darcy. Then back at Jimmy. "Her other stalker, Jack Rollins, had someone strip his house of the shrine last night under Rumlow's watch but Rumlow got taken by Loki."
Darcy looked up at her. "Loki needed a playmate?" she guessed.
"We think he's warning him to treat you and the kid well since he's forced to watch over your son." She left.
Darcy looked at Jane, who shrugged. Then at Jimmy, who patted her on the arm. "I need to date nice guys. I never seem to date nice guys and I didn't even know this one was stalking me. I haven't said two words to him since I've been here that I remember."
Jimmy patted her on the arm again. "It'll be okay. Some day you'll find someone decent enough." He went to tell his higher ups that there was a camera filter somehow. They met SHIELD agents there to search for the camera while they got the rest of his bad materials. "People, we need his camera equipment. He's got a skrull filter," he announced as he walked in. That room got pointed at.
His darkroom had all his equipment so he got to confiscate that while the agents got someone to develop the last roll. They got to give Darcy a few more pictures of her apartment. It helped the bug sweep team find the cameras in there. The agents got sent back later when Daisy demanded they check all his videos, even the ones marked as major movies. Because he could've hidden them. It wasn't that hard; she had shown them how one of her ex-boyfriends who was barely computer literate had hidden his porn that way.
Them having to go back led to Hill having a lecture with them about how to properly search an area. She included her bug sweep team because they needed the lessons too. They had even found Rollins' bugs on the second search. Though they had eaten the cookies on the family.
***
Rollins got handed Rumlow by Loki, who was smirking. "Do be aware I am entailed to watch over that young little being." He disappeared.
Brock shook his head. "He's a king of mindfucks," he complained, sitting up. Yeah, he had some injuries but Loki had said he was just bored and mildly playing today. This time. They shared a look. "They got the guard earlier. Hill was using him as a fun hunt."
"Good for her. She could use one." He cut the leather ties holding his buddy's wrists. "You good enough?"
"Yeah, he said he was only mildly playing as a warning." He got up and stretched, wincing some. "He sprayed me with something so the burn scars are inflamed but I'm good enough."
"Great." He grinned. "They found the bugs finally."
"That blows." He looked around that motel room. "We working or just laying low?"
"Laying low today. We work tomorrow."
"Even better." He shook his head quickly as a flash hit him. "That'll have to stop."
"Yeah, before I let you in the field again." Brock glared at him. Jack stared back. So neither were looking outside when another HYDRA member decided to fight them now. They heard the alarms, heard the gunshots, and went to handle it. Thankfully they had more weapons now that Xander wasn't stealing them. That one got blown up and they switched to the planned backup. Jack and Brock shared a look. "HYDRA after tomorrow's deal?"
"Yeah, I like that." They went to find intelligence on the main HYDRA group so they'd know who had sent someone up their asses. It'd be a long week but possibly fun.
***
Darcy walked up the steps to Congress. She was dressed in a custom made business skirt suit, had her hair pulled back slightly, had on perfect makeup and shoes, all thanks to Natasha's help when she had asked for advice on what to wear to yell back today. She nodded at the guards. "I have a tazer on me and a permission card from the FBI and SHIELD," she noted quietly to the one in front of the body x-ray and metal detector. She opened her purse to show the card when he grimaced. "I have no idea how you want to do that."
"That does say you can carry it wherever," he admitted. "We'd prefer not to let it inside the building. Though thank you for using a low range weapon, miss."
"Dr. Darcy Lewis." She handed that over and her pepper spray. "Will there be guards nearby?"
"In the hallway. If we need to come get you, I'll have the box brought to you."
"Thank you." She closed her purse, put it on the x-ray machine, then stepped into the body scanner. They let her go, grab her bag, and head inside after checking in with the waiting assistants. She was shown to the right room and sat down, making sure to smooth the skirt underneath her. She looked coldly severe according to Jane but in an ice princess way. They summoned her up and she sat down, putting her purse on the table beside her so she wouldn't fidget. Natasha had coached her in sitting still and looking unimpressed. "You wanted to speak to me again, Senator?"
He sneered. "Young lady...."
"I have a name and I would appreciate you using that and my title, Senator. As I told you before, I'm older than your wife is. I'm not a young lady." He glared. She looked away from him, looking at the head of the panel.
"Let's get you sworn in, Dr. Lewis." She stood up to do that and sat down again. "Dr. Lewis, were you contacted by that senator that just insulted you?"
"Yes. On June 18th he requested a video call with myself and Dr. Banner at two-thirty. Dr. Banner was indisposed but I accepted his early call at two-twenty. He demanded to know about Dr. Jane Foster's bridge and aliens on this planet. Which isn't really my field but I did provide what answers I could."
"Why was he indisposed?"
"Someone had sedated him. He was being revived in the medical unit."
"Oh. All right. What did you two talk about?"
"The alien issues he has. How a planetary shield is presently beyond our science as far as I know and would probably interfere with sunlight while active and therefore screw up weather patterns." That got a nod and a note made. "I don't know of anyone currently working on one. I noted he may want to ask Dr. Stark, which he sneered about."
"Dr. Stark?" he asked.
"Yes, Tony Stark has three doctorates. We had a talk about proper titles as well at that time because of that part of the conversation." She let a small smirk out. "Because the disrespect shown to myself and Dr. Stark was getting a bit thick. That's also where I first noted I was older than his wife so calling me a young lady was erroneous."
The chair smirked a bit at her. "That's not nice of you."
"My bachelors was in political science, Senator Hughs. I interned in his mentor's office twice before he retired. I actually tazed him in this very building for trying to grope me in that office. I'm well aware of what I was saying as I do not use words that can be twisted if possible."
"Good to know. So not a straight scientist?"
"Humanities are a softer science than the harder sciences but we do still study things," she said dryly. "I had planned on working with a few different charities until I met Dr. Foster."
"Interesting." He stared at her. "I've seen things from your master's thesis about an alarm?"
"Yes. Though I'm not a liberty to say much more than was in my thesis at that time. It would detect any alien energy. So if Dr. Foster's bridge would work it'd detect that. If skrulls came back again it'd detect their weird energy auras. We all put off some energy as heat and energy auras to put it into simpler language. The alarm I did the beginning work for would detect it in space, not on earth, but it would be based on the same energy outflow differences."
He nodded once. "All right. If we could put up something like that would it lead to a shield?"
"No. A shield would have to be satellite based to be practical. A lot of geeks have theorized about one going up. Most of them have it being some sort of energy shield around part or the whole of the planet in case of non-terrestrial attack. At that level, energy would interrupt sunlight, which would affect the weather patterns as well. At our level of current science we're probably at least a good decade or three away from that level."
"Good to know. Are you a geek who thought about it?"
"No. But I looked it up after our discussion."
The lead of the panel nodded. "All right. That's good to know. Are there people who would be more interested in that field of study?"
"There's a Dr. Bradlin Marks out of Greenland's university who may be leaning that way. His masters at Cambridge tilted towards that area but in the theoretical to disprove it. No one's overtly noted they're working on it in any journal I could find. His work is on energy studies as well and he's one trying to get the bridge done before Dr. Foster. The others seem to be taking a different path to the same end point. A few of those may detect one like an x-ray machine would but not a planetary one."
"Huh. Would we put something like your alarm in our space?"
"No, to be effective we'd have to layer them further out so we had some warning. So satellites spread equidistant around the solar system probably. That way we'd catch it no matter which direction it comes from."
"Interesting. I can see the cardinal points."
"Senator, you're aware space is three dimensional, right?" He looked startled. "There's space above and below us and there's planets and solar systems that direction too. It's not just a flat plane like a piece of paper. So we'd need them in all directions."
"I hadn't considered that actually." He made that note. "Did Dr. Stark fly down with you?"
"No. I flew by myself in the nice jet that's owned by Delta. Nicely business class though."
"That's good of them." He looked at the others. "Do any of you have questions for her?"
"Dr. Lewis, what is your degree in?"
"Astro electrical physics. Basically universal energy. I study where it comes from, where it's going, how to harness it, how to avoid it, all that." She resisted the urge to shift or push her hair back over her shoulder.
"What was your masters in?"
"Bio physics. I was led that way by Dr. Foster's work when I was her intern." She smiled. "She's a bad influence at times."
"Why the switch?"
"It really isn't. I just went from singular body energy to extra large body energy. Though many in the hard sciences do have degrees that aren't a straight line."
"I thought you chose one, you got your masters in that then your doctorate."
"I saw both Drs. Hendricks outside. Like his in economics when his bachelors was in business management, sometimes it's a narrowing of your field. Sometimes it's something that ties in for you and makes it interesting. One of the ones I worked with had a history bachelors and a masters in linguistics. Her doctorate in computer engineering was leading her toward artificial intelligence and learning systems."
"Interesting." He blinked a few times. "You look nice today."
"Thank you, though I only put this on for this event. Unfortunately how you dress often impacts how smart you're seen as."
"Such as?"
"Dr. Foster, who wears a lot of plaid, is seen as smart but pretty. I'm often told I'm pretty but smart. Which is rather a put down when most men say that. Apparently they never heard of Hedy Lamar or any other fabulous woman who was also in science."
"The actress?"
"Yes. Her work led to wifi, better radars, and cellphones." She smiled. "Most people just see the acting skills though."
"So did I." He nodded. "Very interesting." He stared at her. "Are you continuing work on your alarm?"
"Yes."
"Is there anything you can tell us about that?"
"No. Because some of the work isn't fully in the public view yet. I have access to data that is classified and I cannot share that."
"Very good then." He nodded. "How far out are you think it'll need to be?"
"At least past Mars?" She shrugged. "That would need to be talked to by someone in NASA who has exact measurements and would be able to plot the best place to put them where they'd be out of the way of any future traveling but still able to be sensible in placement."
"So you don't plan on seeing one placed?"
"I might want to but I'd get space sick very easily. So I'll watch it on video."
"Ah. Makes sense then." He looked at the others. "I yield to the others."
The former senator sneered. "You think you're so smart, don't you?"
"No, I think I'm just smart enough, Senator." He glared. She stared back blandly. "I'm well aware of my limitations."
"And yet you had a child out of wedlock."
"Yes, I did. And he's a great joy in my life." She smiled. "And that was my choice at that time even though he came to be through three forms of birth control." The senator glared. She stared back. "Apparently the universe really wanted him born." She shrugged again then smiled. "He's a great joy in my life and loves me reading my homework to him. I'm hoping he does something perfectly normal like being an accountant."
"You don't want him to follow you?"
"No. It's not often a child follows their parents' careers happily. I want my son to have a happy future life. A safe, happy future life."
"Your son's been seen with an avengers member."
"Yes. Clint Barton has babysat a few times for me. He really adores Clint because Clint teaches him weird things. My son presently wants to be a pirate and Clint taught him a lot about them and ships." She grinned. "He's a really nice guy to play with Adrian when he's bored and the kid's trying to find something to get into. They met because my son tried to steal his bow. He does love weapons sometimes."
"Does he play with Thor's special hammer?"
"Yes. He's known her since about an hour after he learned to walk. Since then she's been the 'house' his toys lived in mostly. His toy cars, his stuffed friends, his blocks build around it. He's also charmed one of Dr. Stark's robots into playing with him recently. It helped him take someone hostage for ransom. He demanded decaf coffee and pop tarts." The senator was spluttering. "I don't see what my son being cute that way has anything to do with my scientific credentials or work. Women can be smart and do great works and still have a family if they so choose."
"You're a mouthy bitch, Lewis."
"Aww, I haven't heard that in years," she sneered back. Then calmed herself down. "And while your opinion may matter to your staff and a few others, it does not matter to me, Senator. Is there anything else you wanted to chat about since you're wasting taxpayer money with this line of sneering?" The head of the panel scowled. She stared back. "He is. I'm assuming he has other things he has to do as he's charged with the important duty of helping steer this country's path into the future."
"She's right, he's just blowing hard," another one complained. "As usual." He looked at Darcy. "Dr. Lewis, how long before you think you can work up a prototype for your alarm?"
"Eighteen months for probable schematics that'll have to be gone over by an engineer. I come up with the idea, I don't make the machines."
"Like an architect versus a builder?" he asked.
"Yes, that's a good analogy." She smiled at him. "I can do the math, the beginning of how to work it out, the sensor itself. The satellite and the actual schematics of the sensor would need an engineer to fully bring it to life."
"Good. That's good to know. It would discover Dr. Foster's bridge?"
"Yes."
"Would it tell any Asgardians down here?"
"No. That would need a planetary or personal sensor. Though there's been travel from Asgard back since the first bridge was created. There were probably some that saw humanity painting in caves."
"What about Loki?"
"As he was under control when he invaded New York, it would've probably caught the portal that brought him, if a sensor had been pointing at the earth. It would've sensed the portals he called with his device."
"What about now?"
"There's more than one way off Asgard, senator. There's back ways, pathways, ways from before the bridge was created. There's banished warriors living among us and they live an awfully long time so they've been here for a while probably. There's nine realms Asgard's related to, including them, and we have people down here from at least one other most likely."
"So we'd need something like the body scanners?"
"For personal revealing, yes. Though if they've been down here for a while it'll probably fail as their bodies have absorbed and changed to fit the current planet's energy matrix. Like a tree from one place will absorb from the new area it's planted in and after a while you can tell it comes from that new area."
"Good to know. So it'd tell new ones faster." She nodded. "What about biological differences?"
"I'm not a physician but as far as I know, the standard Asgardian doesn't have many body, physical, differences. Though most of the ones I've met have been taller they're not outside NBA or NFL standards."
"So anything to tell them would probably get most athletes."
"Yes, probably."
"Great. What if the other ones want to cause problems?"
She smiled a bit. "Senator, I have it on good authority from Thor himself that most Asgardians think we're like kids playing dress up. Though some do see us as very interesting bugs. They get banished here, they come for entertainment that they don't get up there. Thor has said a few times they'd love HBO and Showtime up there as they don't have personal entertainments like tv."
"So we're not looking at someone trying what Loki did?"
"The one who sent Loki, no clue. You'd have to ask SWORD or SHIELD about that. Him, probably not. I think he's back to being amused at our child-like activities. The rest? Why would they want to?"
"Stronger groups always want to claim new territory."
"Not true. Native Americans didn't and they had strong warrior cultures among the tribes. They didn't have the same weapons or the push from the religious assholes at the time." He slumped, staring at her. "Most stronger cultures are just fine until they're poked. You don't expect MMA fighters to randomly go out and assault people do you?"
"Well, no."
"Or any other group of warrior-like people?"
"No," he admitted. "Fine. So they're not looking to conquer?"
"According to their histories they already did. It was just waaaaay back when." She flicked a hand in the air. "That's supposedly why Asgard protects the nine realms. Odin conquered there."
"Oh. Would they show us those histories?"
"You could ask Thor if a historian could come down. I can't speak for him or Asgard itself. Or any historians who might not want to learn what they know. Sharing information isn't always a good idea to everyone." She waved a hand at that one annoying senator. The one questioning smiled a bit when that senator huffed. "Personally I'd worry more about people that come from farther away and come on ships instead of bridges. As we've shown ourselves to be space capable at the beginning levels, they're probably curious. Some may be assholes. Some may not be. We'll have to meet them to find out."
"Do you think there's peaceful ones?"
"Ask Dr. Stark, sir. He's met with a few."
"Point. We'll ask him when he gets here." He stared at her for a minute. "There's been huffy intelligence people about your son."
"Yes, I've heard one of them, who used to run a group, is still mad that he can't remove me from Dr. Foster's side. He tried when I was her intern so he could put people in my place that we'd never trust anyway. He's still trying the last I heard. He told someone that my son was his when he's not. Claimed a miraculous breeding program."
The senator winced. "Probably the same source then." She smiled and nodded. "Why would he be that invested?"
"Because that group in question is full of paranoid people who want to control others. They've proven to myself and Dr. Foster that we couldn't trust them. They blatantly stole from us and when they had Dr. Foster's work in custody they sold some of it to a group that then used it to attack us and others." He winced. "As Dr. Foster calls them, the jack booted thugs brought it on themselves in that case.
"We'll never trust them. Especially since when we need them they seem to never be available. As they weren't in London. We called a number of times and no one showed up until hours after the battle. SHIELD really is behind a lot of the time. I can only lay that at the same feet as he was in a high level of management at that time."
"So he's trying to discredit you?"
"No, he's trying to get someone to take me." She pulled something out of her purse to hand to the guard. "Proof from a site that tracks black market contracts. Look at who set a few of them, Senator."
He looked and winced. "Oh, dear."
"That same source tried to get a world leader interested in my life as well. Even though we had never met and probably will never meet."
"Shit, Dr. Lewis."
"Yes. Basically." She accepted it back and tucked it back into her purse. "As a mentor once told me, fabulous people often have things that try to bring them down."
"Too true." He stared at her. "One last question. I know your field has conferences to share information at. Where are you and Dr. Foster next speaking?"
"The one in Russia as far as I'm aware."
"Why not the US?" that annoying senator demanded, standing up and pounding on the desk.
"Because the US isn't sponsoring one for at least another year, Senator. Not like anybody in any field that has to use conferences to get our work out there to be eligible for grants and other funding methods will just throw our own. I could probably work my way up to throwing a comic convention but not a scientific one. It'd need some different materials.
"That's why colleges usually throw them and most of them coming up aren't really geared towards physics. Engineers have a few in the next two years. There's one for biologists. Physicists don't go to theirs to announce things and they don't come to ours. If you want physicists to work in the US and come up with great ideas in the US and announce them in the US, then start throwing us conventions." He scowled again.
"I don't pick where conventions are. I'm not the Goddess of the Universe at this point in time." The lead of the panel laughed out loud at that. "I can't rule out that I won't be some day, and at that time the US can be prompted to throw a few more conventions. Until then we just go where they're being held. Like family reunions in many cases we just show up to eat, party, talk, hear gossip, and find out who in the family is screwing the neighbor's wife or goat." He spluttered. "If you want a scientific conference, throw one for us. We'll show up, party, talk about our work, share ideas, warp others' ideas, and then go back home to work some more."
The lead of the panel cleared his throat. "Good point. When is the next one in the US?"
"In my field? I *think* there's one next year in San Diego. Not totally sure but I've heard rumors. My journal last night didn't have any new listings."
"Great." He nodded, making that note. "Do any of your colleges you attended throw them?"
"No. One does participate in the newly doctored symposium. Where the ones who just graduated can show off for placement positions. I got two interns from there."
"Wonderful." He made that note as well. "Thank you, Dr. Lewis."
"Thank you, Senators." She nodded and stood up, grabbing her purse. "Have a good afternoon. It's a pretty day outside." She left, getting her things back from the guard. She ran into Stark on the stairs. "Tie's crooked."
He looked and adjusted it. "That blowhard?"
"Still blowing hard. Have fun."
"Great." He went in there to get his place so he could fill in the gaps she left and annoy all the senators by not playing their games.
The chair of the panel called him up and got him sworn in. "Mr., um, Dr. Stark. Which do you prefer?"
"Doctor. I did work hard for my degrees. It's nice to have them finally acknowledged." He got comfortable.
"Fine. Dr. Stark, Dr. Lewis left some gaps that were not her field. Let's start with her alarm. Have you looked over her idea?"
"Somewhat. She and the others who work in my labs all do regular update reports."
"Excellent. Tell us how it'll work? She tried but some of us don't know a thing about science that isn't below the PBS level."
"Of course, Senator."
***
Darcy made it back that night, sighing in relief as she walked in. "So many idiots on the plane," she moaned. "Including Dr. Pierson. Who sneered about women in science again. I told him he's just jealous he can't be as pretty as we are while we're doing better things than he ever will." Jane burst out giggling. "Yeah." She sat down to kick off her shoes. "Did you tape it? Did I look too geeky or stiff?"
"Bit stiff in a body way but otherwise, very amusing." Jane pointed at the tape on the coffee table. "You eat?"
"Barely. I got tea before I left DC. I'll nuke something in a few."
"Of course." Jane nudged her. "You did good."
"Thanks." They shared a smile.
"And you credited me, and made me sound boring."
"You are."
"I am," Jane agreed with a smirk and a nod. They shared a laugh before Darcy went to get dressed for the night and fix herself something to eat.
"Fox news tried to cover it but they got mad you're pretty."
"I won't comment on why that probably is. I don't really care what they think anyway until I get hate mail from their people." She came out with a sandwich. "Did we alert security to watch for death threats?"
"Yeah. Happy was amused. He watched it anyway. They want to talk about the Russian conference too."
"We probably will want security," Darcy sighed, settling in to eat and watch tv with Jane. Adrian snuck out to cuddle but that was life with a kid.
***
Jack grinned at the replay of the interview. "She's damn mouthy but hot that way. Looks like Romanoff got her dressed up too."
Brock nodded. "It does. She does look stunning. Very ice academic."
"Yeah but that means no one hit on her."
"Which she probably enjoyed," Brock agreed.
"She needs more pretty time." He shifted to cross his feet. Fox News was going on like an idiot about women in science pretending to know what they're doing. Their 'expert' didn't even have a doctorate, he was just mad that women had shown him up. CNN wasn't any better with their 'expert' though. CNN's female host did note that the 'pretty but smart being a bad thing' was true for most women. Her cohost looked so confused so she explained men to him. It made him shut up and go to a different part of the talk to dissect.
***
In upper New Jersey:
"What do you mean you reopened that portal I created by accident?" a male screamed. "Why are you retuning it to somewhere else?"
Tommy and other Hong Kong Cavaliers just looked towards the lab then Tommy took charge. "Sounds like we're about to have another guest. Someone get the armor piercing bullets in case and the rest of you go to emergency evacuation standpoints. Just in case." They nodded, going to do that. Someone did hand him a few bullets on their way past. Their local zoo had been horrified by the dino Buckaroo had summoned by accident. They hadn't wanted it to exist so they had nicely brought it down for them. And for the museum that would get the remains.
Now, someone was yelling at Buckaroo for something foolhardy yet scientific. It was like the old days, only with them all being less pure. And a bit less sane since what came out of the lab was a roar of what sounded like a tiger. "Great. Big kitties," Tommy muttered, heading that way to take it down if needed. He ended up running from it because his cologne was apparently like catnip to ancestral lions. Who had huge teeth.
They really had to ban the lab again! They really, really did!
***
In New York, Dr. Malcolm, who had hacked into the compound's security feed grinned as he sat back to watch what was going on with some popcorn. This was the best show on any tv channel by far. And they had brought it on themselves. He knew screwing with that formula they stole from his student would help them a lot. "Teaches him to treat science more respectfully finally," he decided, watching the other HKC shoot the ancient lion to spare their second-in-command.
The geek had hit Buckaroo with a shovel upside his head so he was out for now. "Awww, he didn't throw him through! Boo!" He threw a piece of popcorn at the monitor but went back to eating while watching the clean up. He'd have a lot of fun when they realized that formula they had boosted would randomly open a portal every ten hours until they dismantled the machines.
That's how he had stopped his students from doing it. Before they created a horrible world merge or something. If they did, he was going to trap them in a circle of those machines and let Fate decide their outcome - the ultimate random number generator. He really should do that to Darcy and Jane's portal systems but they were too protective and weren't prone to using them to bring more chaos for him to study so they were probably safe for now. He hoped. As long as Asgard didn't get brought down here.
He shuddered as that thought ran up his spine. "Oh, that may not be a good thing. Huh." He ate more popcorn, watching Tommy fuss at his hair to calm himself down. "Aww, they didn't even graze him when they got the lion. Or are they called lions? What do you call ancient lions?" he asked his phone's assistant but it couldn't find an answer. "Pity. I could've emailed them a name to help them when one calls to complain."
Yup, there was the phone and one of the younger HKC were calling. He grinned as he answered. "Dr. Ian Malcolm." He listened. "Really? Huh. Yeah, they probably shouldn't have taken it from a student either, Bradley." He listened with a smirk. "That's not how science is supposed to go you know."
He listened, still eating popcorn. "No, I'm highly amused that someone did it a second time. I know science has to be repeatable but really. Maybe they should lock down the lab or something, turn off all the machines, and then go find themselves in the nightly meditations." He ate another piece of popcorn. "No, I'm having dinner." He ate another piece.
"Yeah, that's what I'd suggest. Including Buckaroo. He clearly needs some mind clearing time since he borrowed that formula from a master's candidate. Well, with the Sorcerer Supreme doing all his stuff, portals will open very easily for the next few years we theorize. Then it'll slowly fade out as long as they don't have another battle that way."
He listened, grinning at the screen. "I'm sure it'll be fine as long as it didn't eat anyone. Call the same zoo as last time and make everyone go meditate for the night. Yes, even the one I can hear complaining about his headache. He could probably really use it. You too, have a better night, Bradley." He hung up and got back to his amusement.
He had given them fair warning. If they didn't take the advice...well, he'd get to be amused again he supposed.
It really didn't pay to rob students of their ideas. It's all they had. Well, that and debt usually.
***
Jane got a call a few days later. "Sure, I'll hold for the Banzai Institute." She looked at Darcy, who shrugged. "Hi, this is Dr. Jane Foster. You needed something?" She listened. "Wow. Wasn't that from that undergrad at Columbia?" She looked at Darcy. "Ancient portals?"
"Yeah, that kid at Columbia who was complaining that his stuff got copied by someone and put online. And he was a master's candidate, Jane." She leaned back to listen.
"Okay, so where did the portal go to?" She listened. "Huh. Not that island but to the time period. Ancient lion species? No, I don't usually deal in temporal ones. Or Darcy either really." She looked at Darcy, who shook her head and waved a hand. "Have you tried to take the temporal aspects out of the formula? Or simply turned off the machines? I've had to do that more than once to stop something that was miscalibrated." She listened, tipping her head. "Huh. No, I haven't worked with that formula. It's not my bridge and I'm rather focused on that. Yes, you can destabilize any portal by shutting off the power supply and that's probably the safest and kindest thing. Yes, I'd definitely pull the plug and not turn it back on until someone goes over the formula in great detail and maybe reworks it. Why are there portals so easy right now, Darcy?"
"The Sorcerer Supreme and his cloak of petting had a battle with another sorcerer. It bent the ethereal plane or something and that's kinda got us bound together somehow from what I got when I asked that coven member from Maine."
"Darcy said something mystical about some sorcerers having a battle that merged multiple fields of energy streams together. She asked a coven up in Maine. Yes, I'd go over the formula and keep the machine unplugged. Or pull the power supply if it's self powered." She heard one start behind him and a roar. "Oh, that sounds big. You might want to get out of the way. Hun warrior? Um, yeah, I wouldn't want to make them angry. You might want to pop the machine off now.
"Before they show up and get trapped? It'd be really hard to get them acclimated to modern life." That guy yelled that and they did that before the army unit surged over. "Okay, let me know if I can help with the math. I know it's not everyone's forte, even in physics. Have a good day." She hung up looking so confused. "They kept the temporal portal machine on in the lab. Why?"
"They're men," Darcy said dryly.
"Oh, that reason. Yeah, you'd figure there was common sense there somehow though."
"It's a big group of men who don't think with their guns but still a big group of men, Jane."
"Yeah, that makes more sense." She sent Tony an email so he was aware it might need to be handled as Iron Man.
Tony Stark came in a minute later. "They did *what*?" he demanded.
"They did stupid shit because it's a group of men," Darcy quipped, grinning at him. Tony glared. "Remember that kid from Columbia who had his stuff stolen and put online?" Tony nodded slowly. "Sounds like it's from his work. Temporal portals, Jane?"
"Yeah. They were about to have a Hun warrior group show up in their lab."
"Eww, bronze and early iron age weapons," Darcy said with a wince and a hiss. "Nasty wounds that'll probably infect because I doubt they burned them clean." Tony moaned. "If it helps, we heard they had a dino show up. An herbivore, one of the huge ones. Their local zoo put it down and gave it to a museum."
He looked at her. "Don't help." She grinned. He looked at Jane. "Thanks for the warning, Foster. I'll tell Spangly upstairs."
"I'm sure Steve would *love* to play with a dino," Darcy quipped. "The shield wouldn't help much but might draw it to find out what's shiny." Tony walked off shaking his head. "Well, they shouldn't steal science I guess."
"Probably not," Jane agreed with a nod. They burst out laughing. They'd never be that stubborn or steal science. It served them right for that.
***
Upstairs Tony put up a copy of the call when he ran into Steve and Bucky. They stared back. "Yeah, this is a warning that we may have temporal portals in New Jersey." He turned off the feed when it started to repeat. "Lewis thinks the shield might draw something to the shininess."
"Could," Bucky agreed. "Some animals are drawn to shiny things." He looked at Steve then at Stark. "Wasn't that the plot of a movie?"
"No, that was scientists are assholes and made their own island. And it wasn't just a movie." He walked off. "Lewis' mentor is actually Dr. Malcolm. I'm told he was amused at the movie and who they got to play him."
"Great!" the old guys said in unison. They shared a look.
"If we get dinosaurs, I'm going to run," Bucky told him. "You're welcome to join me."
"I got your back there, buddy," he said with a pat. "We should warn the others." He went to tell the other Avengers. Thor was laughing about it, told by Jane and Darcy. Wanda was moaning and holding her head. Clint and Natasha noted they couldn't be of much help but they'd fire weapons at least. Sam was staring in mouth-opened horror.
"Someone should go find out why this is happening," Wanda said finally, letting her face go to look at the men and Natasha.
"Something about the battle the Sorcerer Supreme had," Clint said. "Darce asked a witch she met with about how to help Adrian grow up a good boy."
"Great!" she muttered. "Can we counteract that?"
"No clue," Natasha admitted. "None of us do that sort of magic, Wanda."
"We should ask," she noted.
"It'd be the common sense thing to do," Steve agreed with a nod. "I'll call later if Tony hasn't. Not sure if he's heading for a beer yet or not."
Clint stared at him. "Half the times you think he's drunk he's just exhausted because he didn't sleep for over a day. The guy does that a lot. That's why Pepper used to nag him about it the same way Darcy used to nag Jane about doing that."
"Tis true," Thor agreed happily. "Jane was bad about that. Still is really."
Sam looked at him. "That can't be healthy."
"Science at that level is part obsession," Natasha said patiently. "It's why so many scientists at the top level are considered neuro-divergent. They drop into that rabbit hole of 'I have to know this' and it takes over their whole being until they figure it out."
Steve nodded. "Howard would do that now and then when he was inventing back during the war."
"For all that he hates it, he did inherit things from his father," Clint said with a shrug. "He needs another helper like Pepper but can't find one he'll click with."
"I had hopes Lewis would take him in hand like she did Foster," Banner said as he walked in. "But her own studies got in the way of all that and Jane's slowly sliding back even though her current interns are trying to stop it." He looked at Steve, then at Sam. "The portal problem is supposed to last for about two years total. It basically heat sealed an extra layer of ethereal level energy to our plane of energy so a lot of magical stuff is happening easier." Wanda winced at that.
"But it will slowly fade off." He looked at Steve. "The portal in New Jersey, all they have to do is turn it off. Jane suggested that when I asked her." He looked at Bucky. "Armor piercing bullets may help. Dinos have very tiny brains but like bringing down any rampaging animal...." He shrugged. "The zoo near them wrote up that case file for their journals. It showed up this month. They tried to sedate it first and it wasn't enough even at elephant strength. We still have to worry about changing history."
They all groaned. "Especially since that call said humans from a more ancient society were showing up last time." He looked around. "So knock out if you can, especially any humans." They all nodded. "And if they don't turn off the machine and we have to answer, Hulk will gladly step on it a few times." He walked off again. "And yes, a lot of us are neuro-divergent in many weird ways. We do it to ourselves sometimes though." He waved a hand as he walked out the door.
Clint blinked a few times. "I think he's amused."
"He was," Natasha agreed with a nod. "We would be if it were our coworkers."
"True. If SHIELD's people had opened that portal, you and I would be sitting there with snack cakes to watch them deal with it." They shared a look then grinned. "Fitz-Simmons?" he suggested.
She smirked, wrinkling her nose. "Yes, I do believe that is SHIELD's job. If not SWORD's, but I do like them better most of the time." She walked off calling one of the current SHIELD agents. "Get your alpha geek team a copy of the phone call Dr. Foster just got from New Jersey," she said in greeting. "Stark has copies. Make sure Fitz-Simmons and the lab people hear it." She hung up. Clint snickered, walking off to get back to his weight lifting time. Natasha went to stretch and cool down. Steve and Bucky shared a look but pulled Wanda up to help her work on her self defense work.
***
In the SHIELD base, the agent looked at her phone. Then she called Stark. "It's Agent May, Mr. Stark. We were warned we may want to hear the call Dr. Foster got from New Jersey?" She listened to him replay it. "Please send me an audio file so I can alert our lab and response teams? Thank you, Mr. Stark." She hung up and closed her office door to have a quiet fit in private. The agents up the hall all stared at the lack of noise but Coulson wasn't coming so it may just be safe.
Melinda stepped out of her office. "Everyone is to do a history refresher on types of historical armor." She went to the labs with her phone, putting it on the table once she had pulled up that audio file.
The lab team, minus Fitz-Simmons because they were sleeping, all stared at her. "Foster, if that's her, had a good idea. Turn off the machine," one told her.
"If they bring humans from the past that could change history," May shot back. "We need to send them back and then destroy the machine. Before we end up with a timeline that gives us a third term of Regan."
The geeks all shared a look and nodded, getting onto that. They got Daisy up to hack their systems for them. Daisy came in looking confused so Melinda let her hear the call.
"Oh. No wonder we need to do a history refresher on ancient armor styles." She nodded. "And if I heard right, they're all guys there. So they have no sense and won't turn off the machine?" Melinda grimaced but nodded. "Great! Have we told Simmons yet? Fitz will go into a fit about a temporal portal machine. She'll want to calm him down."
"They're not here," Melinda said.
"It's their nap time," another geek said. "Where would they even get that idea?"
"A few years back there was a geek at one of the universities in New York City that was working on it but SHIELD stole his work and put it online to sell it," Daisy said dryly, grinning at them. "It's one of the reasons Rising Tide went after SHIELD."
Melinda moaned, shaking her head. "Funny how things connect." Daisy nodded, grinning at her. "Tell the other two please. Do the history review, Daisy. In case you end up running into one wandering around." She went back to her office to have a headache. Phil nicely had left her tylenol and a bottle of water on her desk. With a note saying anything prehistoric they could probably kill if they had to. "Great." She used both gifts and then closed herself in to take a nap. It was clearly a bad day and she needed to be rested for the upcoming battles they'd have against a T-Rex or something.
***
Jane got to prove she could be diplomatic by being sent to talk to that sorcerer. She got let into the house when she knocked and told them who she was. She looked at the sorcerer in front of her. No beard, no hair, no cape, not the one she probably needed. "I need to talk to the Sorcerer Supreme if he has some way of unscrewing the portal problem his battle caused."
"What portal problem, Dr. Foster?" he asked.
"His last battle left it too easy to open portals and half of everyone with any sort of science knowledge has been. From the ones in the park that brought unicorns, and a high level demon to handle the unicorns, to the guys in New Jersey who can't somehow figure out how to turn off their temporal portal machine to six others in the last few days."
"Oh, we hadn't heard."
"That was noted by SHIELD and SWORD actually. Apparently they think he's hiding from them."
"He may be. I'll see if he's very busy. The last I knew he was researching a recipe." He went to the library to talk to his head guy. "Dr. Jane Foster is here."
"Why?" he asked, looking up from his mother's very scrabbled recipe card. "Did she create a problem with her bridge device?"
"No but apparently your last battle has let everyone with a science degree open portals."
"Excuse me?" The lower sorcerer got out of the way. So he sighed and went to talk to her. "Dr. Foster." He really did expect her to be taller by her pictures next to Thor in magazines. "What did what now?"
"Your last battle." He nodded slowly. "It somehow merged some extra energy planes, and the witches Darcy talked to said something about ethereal and in-between energy streams, to this one. It's let *everybody* open portals. From bachelors students who opened one that brought unicorns, and a huge demon apparently teaching at a local college to help corral them, to the guys in New Jersey who have a temporal portal they can't seem to remember to turn off. Is there some way we can unmerge them? The copulating they're doing is wreaking havoc. SHIELD thinks you're hiding from them as you never show up. SWORD said the same thing during the unicorn one they answered, with all the witches on this part of the coast apparently."
"I'm not aware of anything like that." She pulled out her readings to show him. "Oh, that did change in those spikes," he agreed. That battle's date had a huge energy spike and it had stayed. "Will it go away on its own?"
"In two years. Do we really think two more years of portals bringing who knows what is going to be good for the city? I mean, the guys in New Jersey brought Hun warriors by accident. We've had other realm, other dimension, and other worldly ones here in the city. One to a Fey court wedding reception. They weren't amused but did take some silver as reparations." He winced.
"Exactly. And it's going to get a bit worse before it gets better. SHIELD asked me to come see if you could find some way to un-copulate the energy fields. The witches they've talked to don't have a clue what you did to do it, they just feel the outcome. They did say healing spells have come easier however." She gave him a pointed look. "SWORD would really adore it if they could quit answering portals at the various colleges. Earlier they had to go shoo off some actual Klingons."
He moaned, rubbing his forehead. "I have no idea how to do that or how it got done in the first place. I will *gladly* find a way to undo it if I can however."
"Please. The half-unicorn foals are adorable but the humans who owned the female horses were not amused and are suing people." He nodded at that. "Just, please, if you can? Before my portal belches too? Because that could be world merging."
"I hadn't thought of that. Um, are you due to..." She nodded. "Can it be held off?"
"For Thor's coronation?"
"Oh, that's important yes." He considered it. "I will gladly do what I can and work on it as fast as I can."
"Please. Before we're all forced to rely on the magic mirror system Darcy came up with, which can sometimes belch and land you somewhere called Between?" The lower sorcerer choked at that. She looked at him. "Not like you guys' portals. Hers are on mirrors. Like in the fantasy novels." She looked at the sorcerer again. "Please? Soon?"
"I'll work as fast as I can," he assured her. "I do not want to see any portals I'll have to fight."
"SHIELD and SWORD both wish you would since they're hating them fighting them. And the slayers too."
He winced again. "I'll call upon them later."
"Thank you. The Avengers team would appreciate that as well as one of the portals last week tried to eat the Hulk and nearly succeeded." That got a third wince. "Thank you, Sorcerer Strange." She left, going to report she had told him.
He looked at Wong. "Between?"
"Very bad. Very, very bad. But they can be helpful. An alternate realm that's part afterlife, part magic, and all bad news. Like the creatures you see when you go out of your body? They all come from Between."
"Oh, them. All right. Do we have anything on this topic, Wong?"
"I'll go look." He went to summon anything on that topic for them both to go over. This was going to be so bad for their image.
***
Loki appeared in the tower, looking at the man talking with Darcy and Jane. He stared, mouth open, finger raised. "Grandmaster, you're on Midgard now?"
"Um, no, not my name," Dr. Malcolm said cautiously.
"Really? You do look just alike."
Jane waved a hand. "Can you tell why?"
"No. Not at this moment." He considered it. "All right, that's very weird. But perhaps amusing in the future." He shook his head, looking at Darcy. "Dawn has been snatched to Asgard by the mages who wish to court her."
She looked up. "Xander! Oh, Xander!" she called loudly.
"Busy," came back.
"Dawn got kidnaped."
"It happens a lot. I'll go stomp those mages in a minute for her if she doesn't do it herself."
"Okay. Thanks." She grinned at Loki, who was rolling his eyes. "Want to bring her a weapon or two?"
"Or four or six," Loki added dryly. "But that would make a mess and get me blamed."
Darcy went to the mirror in there and worked on the runes, then waved a hand. "See if I made it the right way?"
He came to test it, then moaned. "Oh, dear Frigga's tits," he muttered. "Yes, dear, you did." She beamed and walked through with something Xander had given to the kid. She came out the other side humming, then called on Dawn. Dawn appeared, hugging her. "Xander present to the son?" she offered with a grin.
Dawn looked then grinned at her. "Fuck yes, but not yet. Let's go?" Darcy waved a hand at the mirror so they came back through. Dawn sighed when she stepped into the lab. "Oh, thank the Goddess because she obviously infected their brains." Darcy came out and erased the runes on the mirror before sitting down. She looked at Loki. "Couldn't get Xander?" she guessed.
"He's busy," Jane said.
Darcy got something else and held it up. "Xander, do you need the special eyepatch you left last time?"
"Please, Janus, yes!"
Dawn took it and went to help him. The news caught great pictures of her pulling out higher level weapons and firing it off. Very pretty in the gown they had redressed her in and nice jewelry, but with higher level missile launching weapons. She grinned at the demoness. "Thanks for letting him have me rescued. I didn't want those mages who were trying to talk me into bed again." The demoness pouted at her. "And hey, not like he doesn't get backup." She pointed at the witches appearing. She pulled out another weapon and hit the demon warriors with it. The head demoness whined but stomped off. Xander waved at her back then fired on her to kill her too. The witches came to clean up the mess. She walked down to hand Xander his special eyepatch of holding. "Thanks for the loaning, big brother sort. I nearly needed it to get away from the mages. Darcy offered me the one you gave to the kid."
"I'll make sure you have a better one." He gave her a hug. "You good?"
"Pretty okay now. They were all old guys and kinda stunk from whatever they were working on." She looked at the witches. "Can any of you summon the clothes I had been wearing from Asgard?"
"Not really, Dawn. Did they steal you again?"
"From class this time!" She frowned. "They were rude and pushy but I only had to punch one in the nose." She looked at the demon sniffing around the battlefield. "No! It's not something anyone wants to see." The parts eater huffed off for a few minutes. "Thanks!" She looked at Xander again. "I need to go hide."
"As long as you're not hurt."
"No, they didn't get beyond nagging me to help them with stuff that they didn't want to explain." She looked at herself then spun around twice to change her clothes back. "There," she sighed in pleasure. "Fuck yeah, pants." Still had on the jewelry. She took off the necklace to look at. "Huh."
"That's a burial necklace," he said. "So they were going to sacrifice you apparently."
"Nope, not into that!" She handed it and the dress to the witches. "In case they show up for them. Can we get me back to campus?" They nodded, sending her off. She found her backpack with the teacher. "Sorry, some of the dicks on Asgard were rude." He rolled his eyes but he was used to Dawn. He'd had her for other classes.
Up in the tower, Loki was looking up and shaking his head. "I'll have her things sent back," he said, turning off the tv in the corner. Then he sighed. "I'm not sure if I'm amused or annoyed."
"Go masturbate to figure that out," Darcy quipped with a grin for him. "That's how we women do it."
"Sadly true, especially after some dates were so lousy," Jane admitted, getting back to the current formula. She looked at Dr. Malcolm. "I told your former cohorts to turn off the machine."
"So did I. They didn't take the warning." He grinned at Loki. "They're using a stolen temporal device. It keeps setting itself off."
Loki blinked a few times. "That's...disturbing. Even one of them dying could have a great effect."
"I was worried about the guys who find the dino bones being discredited because they didn't after all," Darcy said.
"We can only wish a few of them hadn't been found," Dr. Malcolm said dryly. "We really can."
Darcy got up to hug him. "Imagine what they might've done with worse."
"True. They could've made worse ones, and done it in an urban area." Darcy smirked at him. "Oh, no." He recognized that look.
"Yeah, they're opening one by LA!" She found the announcement to show him.
"Hell no," he muttered. "Guess I'm not going out there anytime soon. That poor city. We really do have to warn them." He read it over. "Oh, they even gave the park a tax break." He handed it back to Darcy and kissed her on the forehead. "You're like a proof of the chaos theory, dear."
"You say the sweetest things," she quipped back with a smirk. "Could be worse, could be local."
"I'd move. Immediately. But housing prices would go down so I'd have to sell quickly." He looked at Loki. "Can you go mischief that plan before they bring any dinos there?"
"They're what?"
"Remember that movie Thor complained about?" Jane asked. "The one with the dinosaurs?"
"Yes," Loki said with a nod. "Highly illogical."
"It's based on a real event," Ian Malcolm said. "I should know, I was there. Now they're apparently going to bring some to a major city in the US."
Loki blinked a few times. "Why would anyone...."
"Supposedly for science but really it was greed," Darcy said.
"Ah." Loki sighed again. "Yes, that plan really does need my special touch." He went to check on that and fix it before it got started.
"Maybe he'll win," Ian said. "Grandmaster?"
"The Lord of Sakaar," Jane said.
"I'll look into that. It could be a relative." He walked off rubbing his forehead, but he ran into Stark at the elevators. "Push against the people opening that special island in LA?"
"They're what?" he asked as the guy got on the elevator.
"They're making it a theme park by LA. Ask Lewis."
Stark went to talk to those two. Darcy handed over the announcement. "Fuck no!" Stark complained loudly.
"We asked Loki to go help stop them," Darcy offered with a grin.
He stared at her. "Are you really a chaos goddess?"
"That's another sweet compliment! Thank you!" She hugged him.
He swatted her with the paper, going to warn Pepper, then tell the others. Pepper wasn't in the office so when he walked past Bucky he handed it over. "Lewis asked Loki to help stop it. If they break out this time we're not answering."
Bucky read the news story, going to ask Sam. Who blinked a few times. "Wasn't that a movie?" Bucky demanded.
"Yeah but it's a based on a real story. Lewis studied under the chaos guy."
"Huh," was said weakly. "Stark said we're not answering if they get out."
"Yeah, not going there. Ever. Nowhere near that park until they're all dead."
Bucky nodded. "I can agree with that. Tell Steve?"
"I'm not that brave." He clapped him on the arm. "You have fun with that, buddy." He walked off shaking his head.
Bucky trudged up to the room where Steve was going over a mission with Hill. "Stark and Sam both said we're not answering if they have problems."
Steve took it to read over, blinking a few times. Hill took it and moaned. "Yeah, I'm not going to do that. I wouldn't be of much help against a t-rex."
Hill looked at him. "We're going to put in a protest and make sure of their security system, Rogers. Though I have a few agents I'd like to go test them." She scanned that in and sent it as an email to Coulson with the suggestion that they had a list of agents to go check on that idea. The answer back 'not funny' was amusing. Then the other one that said they didn't have enough agents to throw the bad ones away came from another number. Steve looked when she held the phone up, nodding he agreed. "We can tell HYDRA, let them go investigate."
"You'd get AIM instead," Bucky said. "Do you hate them that much too?"
"Well, yes."
"He said Lewis asked Loki to help stop them."
"AIM vs Loki vs Dinosaurs," she mused. "I'd pay night time movie ticket rates to see that."
Steve and Bucky shared a look but let her dream for a bit. It was nice of them to give her a moment.
***
Adrian wandered into the lab, waving the colorful paper he was carrying. "Trip, Mommy."
She took it to read over. "That'll be a fun trip." She grinned. "You're going to the natural history museum."
"Why?"
"To look at bones and rocks and stuff. That way you learn about them."
"Why?"
She stared at him. "So you can run around looking at stuff, Adrian."
"Oh." He looked at Jane. "You come?"
"No, I don't think I'm invited." Jane smiled.
"You still come!"
"They can ask Jane to go," Darcy said patiently. He grinned, going over to hug his auntie. "Have the daycare lady ask her, son."
He grinned up at Jane. "You teach rocks?"
"I don't know much about rocks but we'll see." She called down there. "It's Jane Foster. Adrian asked if I wanted to go to the museum with him." She listened. "Yeah, I guess I can do that. I'll see if I can talk Thor into it too." She hung up. "Okay, I can go and we can ask Thor if he can go too."
Adrian squealed, running off with the paper to go find that uncle. The elevator took him to the right floor, letting him head for the infirmary area. "You helpies!" he shouted when he found him, waving the note. "Helpies! Teach!"
Thor took the note to read over. "That sounds like quite a trip. Your mother had us go to the one in London a few times."
"You comes?"
He blinked back. "I have no idea but I'll see if I can." Adrian pouted. "Disarm the pouty lips," he said with a smile. "I'll see if I'm doing anything that day, Adrian."
"FRIDAY?" Adrian called. "He comes?"
The AI cleared her throat. "He's due to have lunch that day to talk to a group of historians but it's due to be over before the trip. He may be able to join you once you're already there."
"Thank thee, FRIDAY," Thor said. He looked at Adrian. "If I can I'll join your group at the museum."
The kid grinned at him. "Auntie Jane too! Rocks! She teaches!"
"I'm sure she will. She's quite smart." He patted him on the head. "Go back to your mother?"
Adrian pouted. "You comes now?"
"In a moment. Let me get a bandage." Adrian stared at the nurse.
"I'm nearly done," she promised, getting back to work. Thor got released and walked him back there. She giggled. The kid was so adorable most of the time. Thor made a good uncle.
***
Darcy looked up at the cleared artificial throat. It was the day of the museum trip. "FRIDAY, what's happened at the museum? I have the feeling something did with the way you cleared your throat."
"The museum is fine but Dr. Foster has had a fan incident. The boys have mobbed her and the daycare children beat them up. Your son warned them not to be mean, he didn't want to see officers like on the news. The kids went on with their tour and Dr. Foster brought the boys with her while nagging them about science things. And then Thor got there. The boys fanned over him. And then the sorcerer's people stepped out of a portal."
"Oh, shit. Is Adrian fine?" she demanded, getting up to grab her tazer and jacket. "FRIDAY?"
"The boy was not noticed as of that moment but they were there to take an artifact, which did turn itself on. And headed right for your son. The sorcerers were not amused. They've been yelling at the children. Thor has slammed one into a wall as of the last moment."
"I'm on my way there."
"Lewis," Stark yelled. "C'mon, I'm giving you a lift."
She ran that way, letting him fly her off in the suit. She ran inside, and pounced one of the guys glaring at her son. "Get away from my son! Now! Before I make you scream!" She got up and kicked another one. "Get away from children!"
"Mommy!" Adrian called, waving his full hands.
"Son, get it away from the other kids and especially Bethany. Please?" He moved out of the way of the other kids. The security team pulled him a bit away. Darcy glared but they didn't keep hold of him. Another person stomped in so she glared at him. "Jane!"
"We're good," she called. "The boys are being protective of the other kids in the museum. Only our daycare kids are in the open because of that artifact."
"Good! Move the other kids, Jane." They moved them and Adrian came to his mother. He knew this drill. She had taught him. "Good boy, just like I taught you." She looked at the device. Thor came over to help since an officer had taken the one sorcerer from him. "Can you put that down, Adrian?" He tried and it stuck to him. "Okay, let's try to uncurl the fingers." She showed him a flat hand. "Can you do that?" He did and it stuck to his palm. "Good."
Thor looked. "It's a containment urn as far as I can tell. The writing isn't that great." He looked up. "Can we tell what it is supposed to be?"
"Etruscan, may hold a being," a museum person said, coming over with her laptop. "This is what we have on it, Lord Thor." She looked at Darcy. "His mom?"
"Yeah." She nodded. "And he's got a touch of magic," she said quietly. "Sorry if he drew that."
"He had walked past it twice by the security cameras, didn't even look at it," one of the guards said. "Until they came out of the portal then it tried to get away from them by heading for your son."
"Okay," Darcy agreed. "Adrian, is it talking to you?"
"No, is quiet now."
Darcy tapped the urn. "He's a three-year-old boy. Do not take him over. Do not hurt him."
The urn shifted in his hands. "He is protective."
"Yeah and so am I. I'm his mom. Just let my son go." The urn flew to her hand. "Thank you. Adrian, go cuddle Bethany and Auntie Jane please. Let me handle this." He kissed the urn then her on the cheek before running over. "Jane, have the son and the sorcerers?"
"Stark has them," she reported. "Is it speaking?"
"Yeah. It's got something in there. It's scared to death of those idiots." She stood up, Thor steadying her. "Okay, can we move this to a containment sort of area?" she asked the museum person.
"Yes. We have one for examinations." She led them that way and the urn let her put it down. They set up anti-contamination shields and let Thor and Darcy leave it there. She petted the urn, promising to help protect it from idiot magic users.
Darcy walked back out wiping her hands off, staring at the sorcerers. "Why did you try to steal that?"
"It's dangerous!"
"No, *you're* dangerous," she shot back. "It's the daytime. There could've been hundreds of people, especially children, in here. Did you not think!" she shouted.
They flinched away from her. "Your son should..." She punched him as hard as she could. "Hey! Bitch!"
"Yes I damn well am! You endangered my son and other children. A lot of other children!" She kicked him. "How dare you be this stupid! You don't rob a museum in the daytime!" She kicked him again.
"Miss," the officer said. "I need to arrest him. I don't want to get you too." She glared and he backed off. "I know it was scary," he tried again after another kick. "But I need you to back off." He looked at Thor. Who walked Darcy off for him. "Thank you, Lord Thor. She's got a good son, he followed good directions."
"We ran simulations to teach him what to do," Jane said, taking Darcy to hug. "Here, hug the daycare, Darce." She got down to hug the other kids. "They're all okay. Just a bit scared."
Stark looked over from helping Jane and the teenage boys who had mobbed Jane. "All the kids are fine. A few got dusty and they all got scared but they're good."
Darcy nodded. "Sorcerers need to be gone." She looked at Tony. "A lot."
"Yes they do. And they can talk to the head sorcerer in the city about them and how to block them from using any magic." He took Darcy's tazer from her hip and hit one that was moving his hands. "Don't even think about it."
"Let us handle it please, Mr. Stark. Can you start evacuting the kids for us?"
"Yeah. Let's get the kids by daycare out to their busses or whatever." The other adults did that mostly orderly. They were little kids mostly so... A few tried to bring home new friends. Their teachers got them back to their groups so they could leave too.
One of the officers walked over to Darcy. "He would not come near us."
"Yeah, he's had a friend killed by an officer." She stared at him. "He's been almost kidnaped by a few guys who were pretending to be officers but were agents or former agents too." The officer winced. "I'd rather he go for a security guard or someone first to be honest."
"I can understand that, ma'am. He's a good, smart little boy."
"I do try." She petted over Bethany's hair. "This is his best friend." The officer nodded and left it there. "Okay, our group. Let's go back to the tower!" she said more cheerfully. "We'll talk someone into bringing down juice and stuff."
"Cookies?" Bethany asked, looking at the daycare worker.
"I'm not supposed to but it's a great day for cookies. I'll get some so you can take them home with your parents." She nodded, following Jane out to the daycare van. The daycare worker smiled at Darcy. "The first I knew, he squeaked loudly and said 'vase talks!'." Darcy winced but nodded. "It flew over as the portal was starting. He's not the only one I have that has magic either."
"His daddy handles things." She followed with Bethany, picking her up to carry since Adrian was babbling at Thor. Darcy was shaking but glared at the sorcerers as they walked past them. One sneered but the officer yanked on his handcuffs to make him stop it. They left after the kids were all out of there. Someone went to talk to the Sorcerer Supreme, who was not amused but oh well!
Once they got back, Adrian got his own cookies but refused to go upstairs with his mom and aunt. So the daycare worker went over the minerals they had seen and why they were important. It kept the kids calm.
Darcy went to the parent area, looking at the ones waiting. "Sorcerers attacked the museum," she said. "An urn holding a trapped spirit tried to flee by way of letting Adrian carry him off." They all groaned. "The kids aren't hurt. Don't seem too shaky. Asked for cookies." That got some smiles. "They're going over the various rocks they saw. But we're all back." They went to get their kids and go home for the night. She looked at Bethany's mom. "She's just fine. She got a bit dusty. The urn flew past her to hit Adrian." She shrugged. "He's not the only one with magic so I think it's more about his daddy."
"I can understand that. Is he okay?"
"Yeah, just fine. The urn talked to him but didn't hurt him. He followed the protocols we gave him for emergencies very well. He was trying to hang onto her but I had him move away just in case the urn was dangerous. She was a bit tired so I carried her."
"FRIDAY told me." She patted her on the arm. "Your kid does a lot of neat things."
"Sometimes. I'm blaming that on his father."
"Yes, we can tell." Darcy winced. "It's not widely known but you can tell if you know what to look for. And yes, this is just like him." She went to get Bethany, who squealed and pounced her to cuddle. "Are you all right?"
"I'm fine!" She nibbled on the cookie she had stolen from Adrian. "We had fun, Mommy!"
"Good! I like it when we have fun." She signed her daughter out and took her to their new apartment.
Adrian was going over what to do during emergencies. He had done a good job and they made sure he knew that.
Darcy was going to scream when her boy went upstairs with Jane in a bit. It was time for a mom fit.
Jane looked over at her. "I'll start dinner."
"Thanks."
Clint leaned in and took Darcy off, pointing up the hallway. "Gym? Go have a fit. I'll help the kid remember his security protocols."
"I don't want to scare him, Clint."
"I know. He did a good job earlier. We got the film thanks to Stark. Even Natasha was impressed that he followed directions so well." She grinned, letting him into the lab. "Hey, kiddo!" Adrian hugged him. "Tell me what happened earlier at the museum?" The kid babbled at him, eyes wide. "That's really weird. You did good though. You did a good job following orders. Let's go over it so you know how to handle the next cuddly vase?" Adrian nodded and they went over how to handle magical cuddly things. On the way back, Darcy said she'd go to the main kitchen to get something and had a mom fit in the gym then smoothed herself out and got the muffin mix on her way back to her apartment.
Steve and Bucky shared a look from the corner of the gym she had used. "Mom stress," Bucky said. "Ours would've just screamed at us."
"If a magical vase had tried to hug us, we would've gotten whooped by a priest," Steve shot back. "Then she would've yelled at us for prompting it even if we didn't."
"Yeah, true. Your mom would've thrown an awesome fit too. Which would've gotten the priest to beat us before she asked."
Steve nodded that was true. Sam came in looking amused.
"Adrian's fine."
"Good!" He shook his head again. "My mother would've beaten those sorcerers then yelled at me about not being able to duck out of the way."
"Ours would've thrown a fit in front of a priest and he would've beaten us for her," Bucky said. "Then we'd get yelled at for not ducking it."
Steve nodded, eyes wide. "Thankfully priests aren't like that anymore."
"Yeah, it's a good thing." The old friends shared a look. "Darcy's a really calm mom."
"She is," Steve agreed. "Thankfully."
"I heard she blamed that one on his dad," Clint said as he came in.
"Could be," Steve agreed happily. "He does get into weird things."
"A lot of weird things," Bucky added with a nod.
Clint grinned. "He called to talk to Adrian about the urn too." They all grinned at that.
Xander was a great not-visiting often dad to his very weird kid. Someday they'd have to talk to the kid about not turning into his dad. Well, that and not to keep being a pirate since he was running up the halls cackling and waving a sword while chasing one of the lab techs.
The End.
To Be A Baby Daddy Or Not To Be A Baby Daddy, That Is The Question.