Loki once again appeared, this time sighing and shaking his head. He looked at Jane. "Where's your minion? The ...parental unit of the child is having a weird day and has captured something for his son's future pleasure as a pirate. Or I think that's what he said. All Speak does not translate that sort of Elven very well," he finished sarcastically.
Jane blinked a few times. "He stole a space ship?"
"He rather won it in a poker game I believe. And half a planet as well." He rubbed his forehead. "That boy does give one a great headache."
"Yeah, he does to us too," Jane agreed. She texted Darcy, making her come back from her coffee run.
Darcy walked in frowning. "He won Adrian what?"
"Half a planet and a ship to get him there." Loki stared at her. "He's a bit..demented."
"Is he sick, high, or otherwise?"
"Poisoned." Loki grimaced. "He was once again taking on something for the slayers and this one was worse than usual. They would have easily survived but he does not have self healing gifts."
"Bring him down here so we can have him treated?" Jane ordered.
"They won't. The healers on Asgard cannot and your healers won't due to his job and what he got hit with." Loki looked at her. "We have no idea. Though it is nice he won that after being poisoned." Heimdall appeared holding Xander up. "Are they done with what they can do?"
"Yes. They still cannot weed it out of him." He put the man into a chair. "We hope your healers can do more since they do more physical healing than ours do." He disappeared.
Loki smirked a tiny bit as Stark came in. "He was once again fighting off something for the slayers that they could easily handle but didn't want to ruin their clothes over." Xander moaned. "No, you stay asleep," he ordered. He looked at Stark again. "He got poisoned. Again. He fought most of it off, then had to go do mental battle with something else before the final two treatments could be done. So now it's slightly taken hold of his brain. Which meant he won the child of this lab a space ship and half a planet."
Stark blinked a few times. "Okay. Your healers tried?"
"They did but they do a lot of energy healing," Jane told him. "Glowy tables and the like. Without drugs."
Tony nodded. "Okay, sure. Let's get him to the infirmary. Any chance of space germs?"
Loki shook his head. "They would've already cured those. Our healers are picky because their energies are warped by dirt or dust."
Stark frowned at him. "Why are you helping him?"
"Dawn entailed me to do so," he said bitterly. "She was quite evil when she won that poker game." He smirked. "I'm going to pay her back soon. She will not enjoy that."
"Make her show up to deal with Odin at a family dinner thing," Jane quipped. "It nearly made me smite Odin."
Loki stared at her. Then he grinned. "That's wicked, Dr. Foster. Thank thee for the idea." He smirked as he disappeared.
"Him and Dawn would be a cute couple," Darcy agreed. "Okay, so infirmary," she said, getting up to haul Xander into standing. "Let's go see the doctors who do medicine instead of physics. Before I tell the kid to come fuss at you." Stark helped her walk him down there. "He was fighting a demon, got poisoned, got partially treated, but had to go deal with something else suddenly so the poison wasn't cured. They've knocked him out to keep him from doing more things like winning a space ship in a poker game." The doctors moaned but came to grab him. "That's Harris, from the Council. Their trainer guy."
"Okay," the nurse agreed. "Any known allergies?"
Dacry shrugged. "I never asked. I know he's been exposed to demons for a long time. Not sure if that would matter."
"Okay," the nurse decided, going in there to tell the doctors that. They weren't pleased but one knew where the demonic healers were so they could ask them. What they got told made them mad, but not at the guy. He did heroic things like the guys upstairs. They were used to their brand of stupid.
***
Darcy heard the bad news and sighed, going to talk to someone. She walked into his office, smiling at the woman in there. "Hey, Helga Hufflepuff."
"Really, Dr. Lewis," she sighed, but smiled at that compliment. "I really should be more like Rowena."
"Yeah, but your smarts are for people things. Hers were for book things. Hermione should've been a Ravenclaw."
"True." She hugged her and left with a glance at her mentor.
Darcy shut and locked the door. "I need to talk to your psychic twin side," she said bluntly, putting down three things in front of him.
"I... Haven't been him in years, Lewis. Not since before the chaos incidents and my quickly lamented marriage, which was more chaotic but less evil."
"I know that. And I figured it was from watching the big guy be an idiot hero." She pointed. "The Asgardian healers tried and it messed up something greatly."
He looked the file over, grimacing. "That's...hmm. I can see why you're asking this favor of me."
She grinned. "Well, not like I'd go near Strange and I doubt he could either. You did more theoretical and healing things than surgeries."
"True." He looked at her over the top of his glasses. "And it wasn't trauma related. I saw the master of the double major at work for many years."
She grinned. "I used to think he was weird. And then I met Jane."
Dr. Malcolm snorted, but nodded. "Yes, he is. Still. And a bit evil thanks to something tainting him during his travels. It got a lot of us." He went back to it. "Didn't they balance it out?"
"Apparently not." She sat down and pulled out her phone to show the video she had found of him fighting that thing. "The slayers' self healing would've prevented them from being harmed," she said quietly. "Not sure if he knew that or not." He took it to watch, humming at it. "How do I tell the docs at our infirmary to help him?"
"They need to get a touch healer and the only ones I've heard of are on Asgard. The last one down here got snatched for her own safety."
"We can magically replicate some of that." She got out of that video and into another one. "Him after missing the last two treatments. The girls half said he was kidnaped but a few believed he wandered off. He won Adrian a space ship."
Dr. Malcolm winced. "Wow."
"With his other taints, mostly from the same sort of incidences and one with mermaids, we're not sure where they're going but the doctors find him *fascinating*." She stared at him.
"So do I but I like to stay away from such things before I'm tainted by them like the rest of the band was." He sighed, putting the file down. "This is going to be difficult."
"I can ask Dawn to come help."
"I've talked to her. I'm not amused by what happened."
Darcy grinned. "All the wacky when there's a hell goddess after you from what I've heard. Someday that's a Lifetime movie in the making." He shook his head quickly. "There's even cheerleaders thanks to her sister."
"I've met." He stared at her. "We may be able to rebalance his brain but it might rob him of his memories permanently."
"I'm pretty sure he might be okay with that. He's been moaning over the headache the girls gave him when they called to nag. They were mourning ahead of time and yelling about the need to hold a service for him."
"No, that's not necessary if they do the right things." He sighed. "I can consult," he decided. She grinned. "Are you related to him?"
"Kinda. Almost." She glanced at her lower half then at him. He caught the clue because he moaned. "Yeah. And get this, it was a higher thing's plan since I was on BC, he was snipped and infertile due to mermaid taint, and Adrian still came to be."
"Oh, dear."
"Yup. Actually I'm not sure if they wanted another version of his dad or maybe to recreate your buddy's life."
"That... Oh," he said, sitting up. "With your fields and his... oh, dear. They wanted another Buckaroo."
"Yup, but one with magic." She grinned. "Because he's got magic."
"Buckaroo would hate that," he muttered, shaking his head. He gathered up a few things and that file. "Let's go save him before the doctors there do an autopsy before he's dead. Fascinating is never a good word when said by a team of doctors." She nodded, following him out. It was like old times for her. She even drove him back to the tower. He walked in and nodded at Stark. Who stared back, eyes wide.
"She asked me to remember my old life." He walked in to look at the scans himself, tapping one. "That's energy warping." He looked at the head doctor, who swallowed. "It's almost exactly what happened to Buckaroo after the Eighth dimension trip the third time. Why he went back I have no idea. The second time was to do something diplomatic to cure a problem. The third...we had no idea. But that's what it did to his brain." He looked at the scan again. "We're going to have to drain some energy off."
"Hellmouth energy?" Darcy asked.
"Is an added complication," he assured her, then smiled. "I may have to suck some energy off your son too." He stared at her.
"As long as it doesn't hurt him."
"He may be magically exhausted but for him that would mean feeling like he had the flu."
"As long as it's not worse than that, I'm down with that."
"Good. We'll have to basically rearrange his brain playing energy jenga." The doctor in there sighed. He smirked. "Hi. Yes, I'm Dr. Sidney Zweibel, or New Jersey if you followed the band. I changed fields thanks to watching Buckaroo do his many, many things."
"That explains why you like chaos so much," Stark quipped. "Can it be solved so he doesn't die of it? The kid would probably miss him."
Dr. Malcolm stared at him. "Yeah, it should work. Ninety percent certain. More if I can get someone like Dawn Summers to do a healing spell at the right moment."
"I can ask her," Darcy agreed, nodding as she texted her. "Oh, she's on Asgard. Loki took the suggestion to pay her back for him losing a poker game to her."
"I'm sure her sister's *Thrilled*," Stark muttered, shaking his head.
Darcy grinned. "Well, Buffy is said to date bad boys."
"No comment since her last one was HYDRA," he shot back. "Rogers was not amused! He not only scowled at her when she tried to save him from being arrested but he got to rant like a spinster at her first orgy when no one offered her some fun."
Dr. Malcolm-nee-Dr. Sidney Zweibel-nee-Hong Kong Cavalier New Jersey adjusted his glasses, staring at Stark. "My aunt did that once and just sat there and giggled at them. Turned me off partying in my undergrad completely." Stark laughed, but walked off shaking his head. He looked at the other neurologist. "So, did you want to start with the energy leeching or the poisoning?"
"Can we start the energy leeching with the poisoning?"
Dr. Malcolm nodded. "We can start and it may just help. If it's making him too weak, we'll hold off on the rest of it." He adjusted his glasses again to rub at one eye. "Anything I haven't been briefed on yet?"
"Mermaid taint? Possibly other demon blood exposures?" Darcy suggested.
He blinked at her. "For some reason that doesn't surprise me." He shook his head quickly. "He's the butterfly in that famous saying."
She grinned. "He's the wings on the butterfly in that saying. I know he has a DNA workup somewhere but it's password locked." She moved closer. "What can I do to help?"
"Don't tempt me to ask you to teleport Rosenburg just in case." She smirked, shaking her head. "Okay. Let's work on the leeching problem, people." He clapped his hands as he went to Xander's room. "Hey." He grinned.
Xander blinked at him. "You're that keyboard guy."
"I was. Now I'm also Dr. Malcolm to hide some of that while I studied chaos. You're better at that than even Buckaroo Bonzai is. So we're going to detox some of that from you so we can treat the poisoning."
Xander blinked a few times. "Won't that cause other problems? Anytime I get really sick, the mermaid taint comes up."
"We can weed some of that out too, Mr. Harris." He smirked a tiny bit. "You're more complex than even Lewis can think up." He moved closer. "The treatments for the poisoning?"
"I was kinda floaty feeling when that offer to play some important games to stop an evil space asshole from showing up came up. No one else could and I wouldn't ask Dawn or Faith to try because they'd get hurt."
"Hmm. Noble. Dumb but noble." He gave him a pointed look. "What will they do if you die?" he asked quietly.
"They think they know," he shot back with a grin. "It wasn't an intentional missing treatments."
"Good. I'd hate to see the world bedeviled by the chaos you're keeping down. It might try to stick to Lewis instead." Xander rolled his eyes. "You made her worry. That's not nice." He grinned. "Women like her fuss if they worry. Which will turn her son into a worrier too. So let's weed out some of the energy you're carrying and then we'll work on the anti-toxin."
"They had to guess."
"Great! Do we have a known anti-toxin?"
"I have one of her nails still in my side the last time I knew." He pointed. "Right beside the Mayora bone that broke in my side during a battle against one of their guards."
"You do incredibly weird things," he said, leaning down to look at the area. "I can see the healing cut. We need to excise the piece of bone he got." A nurse brought in a small surgical tray. He grinned at her. "Thank you, Nurse." He scrubbed his hands and came back to carefully excise that area. He found the bone shard. The nail was a few inches away and he dug that out, making Xander hiss. "Sorry, kid."
"Not the worst. I've seen my intestines thanks to an appendix removal."
Dr. Malcolm stared at him. "Your original town's horrible hospital?" Xander grinned and nodded. "I was about to sic something evil on it when I read the stats they put out. I know ones infected by evil and they might've liked that."
"They can't detox them?"
"Not without ruining their minds. That's a fate worse than death for those guys." He stared at him. "Speaking of, if we don't do it right to your energy problems, you could lose some memories."
"I might be okay with that but I'd rather you not."
New Jersey smiled. "It's a possibility, not a certainty. You might not get better without the energy leeching."
"The hellmouth taint always grows back."
"Great!" He smirked. "Maybe we can figure that out too." He patted him on the wrist. "You ready to begin that?"
"I guess. If you are."
"Yeah, not a bad idea." He went to oversee that machine first. Jane Foster was calibrating it for them. "We need to weed down the energy infections he has, Dr. Foster."
"Of course you do." She glanced at him. "I know he's got a few different streams of energy. This is worse than anything you've ever seen probably?"
"Slightly but I've seen some very weird things thanks to my former life." He looked at the machine. "Is that being set for his hellmouth taint or some of the other energy warping?"
"Right now, anything it can suck off him," Jane said honestly. "Then we can separate out the streams." Darcy looked at something that appeared and tazed it, making it scream and run off. "Not nice," she noted.
"Very necessary since that was kinda not a nice being," Darcy shot back.
Xander giggled. "She probably wanted to offer to save me if I'd be her boyfriend, or slave who'd work my way up to her bedroom and favorite slave. I've turned her down a few times already."
Darcy nodded. "Yeah, you deserve an owner who thinks you're more than a happy slave, Xander." He smirked at her. "You do. Women like that would never appreciate your skills outside the bedroom."
"Half of them don't appreciate my skills in the bedroom," he shot back with a smirk. "They think I'm good stress relief, but not great or anything."
Darcy looked at him. "Xander, you made me so sore after an hour, I soaked for a few nights. Damn!" He blushed, ducking his head but grinning. "They clearly aren't worthy of your skills if they can't like them enough to say the same thing."
Jane looked over. "TMI. I don't need that sort of information. Thor doesn't make me that sore."
"He must really be holding back his strength then," Dr. Malcolm quipped. "Otherwise they'd have to deal with the Superman/tissue situation."
Jane looked at him. "He's not that sort of strong. Big thighs, but not that sort."
"Hmm. You'd expect them to be as strong as his arms." He shook his head and got to work on the machine to test the energy being sucked off.
"Miss Lewis?" one of the nurses asked quietly. "Do we need to set you up with an OB appointment perhaps?"
Darcy looked at her, shaking her head slowly. "No. My IUD is still there. One kid's more than enough." The nurse smiled and nodded, patting her on the hand as she walked past her.
Jane looked at her. "I can't imagine you having a daughter."
"I thought Adrian was a girl up until he came out. My mother was really disappointed he wasn't a girl." She shrugged, going in to take Xander's mind off how sick he was.
"I didn't read that she was pregnant with Adrian when she applied for her internship," Jane told Darcy's other mentor. "So she showed up and I got a huge shock but Adrian was a great distraction when science broke down. Even better than tequila. And he totally broke Thor's mind when they met because Adrian tried to pet him. He got very confused by the little baby guy thinking he was a puppy. All Speak can translate baby babble too. Said Adrian called me pretty coffee mommy."
Ian Malcolm smiled, shaking his head. "Darcy's son is amazingly cute, and really strange from the few I've known. But she'll raise him to be a good man."
"She'll kick his ass if he doesn't turn into a good man," Jane assured him, then nodded. "And I'd stand there and cheer."
"If he turns into a total Chad, he's in for it anyway," Darcy called. "Guys, he's looking pale suddenly?"
"Magic's incoming," Xander said. "Since Willow tried to stop me from stopping her I get a bit nauseous at strong magic. So it's probably her."
"Then let's start this before she can interfere," Jane said, pushing the machine in there so they could set it up. "Xander, sign new power of attorney paperwork if she's got yours?"
"Dawn has mine but Willow would try to overrule her and take over," he said, looking at a nurse. "Dawn Summers has my *only* power of attorney but since she's apparently somewhere...." He waved a hand that got captured to be stuck with the machine's tubes. "Darcy can make decisions if I'm out until I'm awake or Dawn shows up." He looked at her. "Don't let them put me in stasis." She nodded. "Hide my body too. I already know the girls would lie about me."
"I can do that." She got out of the way, patting over his hair to keep him calm. They finished setting it up as Willow stomped in. They turned it on and he groaned, holding his ribs, but the machine was sucking out the energy. "You good? Need to have some aleeve?" she asked quietly.
"Yeah. This is like when she sucks hellmouth energy back to the hole." He glared when she walked in. "At least I'm used to this feeling thanks to you trying to kill me by sucking out the hellmouth taint." He looked up at Darcy. "Don't let the kid fuss?"
"He's too little to see this." He grinned and nodded. She petted over his hair, keeping him calm as the machine got fixed and turned back on. Not as much pain this time but less sucking going on.
"We'll have the anti-toxin by tonight," the head doctor of the infirmary said. "I checked and they've already started to fabricate it but it'll take a few hours to finish brewing down." Xander nodded at that, yawning a bit. "You should rest. Like dialysis, it'll take a while to do that and we'll have to do it a few times." He looked at Dr. Malcolm. "Did they ever fix that energy taint your former boss had?"
"No. It twisted something before we realized and they're now all a bit evil. We drained it from one of the guys but it made him even more evil. They ended up taking him in and making sure he couldn't do anything to anyone." He grimaced. "Energy warping isn't anything good for a brain." He looked at Xander. "Yours...."
"It kept me alive," he quipped and grinned slightly. "Not idea why I sucked up so much of the Sunnydale hellmouth. Or the one in Sudan. Because some beings can tell I hovered near there for a long time. Mostly because I was training Samaya."
The doctors both nodded. "Like soil from one area has things that are distinctive to that area," Darcy agreed. He nodded. "We'll see if we can maybe weed it down to where you don't glow in the dark."
"That might be nice but it's great that I don't need a flashlight to go pee in the bushes when I'm camping."
Willow huffed. "What are you doing up here?"
"He's in the infirmary," Darcy said firmly. "If your girls had handled that demon, their self healing would've protected him. Instead they made him go do it and he doesn't self heal."
"There's no cure for that."
Dr. Malcolm cleared his throat. "We've talked to the healers who were treating him before he had to miss the last two treatments to go handle something that your girls should've done, but it was too dangerous at that time. They were certain it'd be able to be weeded out. Right now, we're weeding down the energy taint so we can make sure we get all the poison toxins instead of anything else he may have been exposed to or gotten sick from." Willow glared. He stared back. "Also, he noted who has power of attorney for his wishes, and it was not you, Miss Rosenburg. Miss Dawn Summers is apparently on Asgard for something diplomatic and he's stated she has it, and Dr. Lewis here has it until she gets back." He waved a hand at her.
"Why would she?" Willow sneered.
"Because I'm the nicest and best person he ever slept with?" Darcy shot back, staring at her. "And I haven't tried to kill him repeatedly by sucking his energy back into the hole." Willow huffed and disappeared.
Xander poked her on the arm. "Don't fight with her. It's counterproductive and she'll try to spell you. Plus, she's my oldest friend, Darcy."
She smiled. "And if she wasn't having a problem focusing her eyes, looking very high, it might've been great."
"She was... Oooh," he sighed. He looked at his bedside table so she handed him his phone. He sent a two message text and put the phone on his stomach. "That lets Giles know. Getting high is not good for the girls to see."
Darcy shrugged. "It happens sometimes to some people. Especially warriors. A lot of them on Asgard have a drinking problem."
"Yeah, I've seen that but we like the girls to be innocent."
"We'd all like the girls to not see the bad sides of life," she agreed, petting him again. "They deserve to find a happy life when they can." He nodded. "Rest for now." She could see Willow stomping back with someone. "Mr. Giles," she said with a nod.
"Miss Lewis," he said, staring at her. "Did you perhaps have words with Miss Rosenburg?"
"Yes. Because she nearly killed him and a few of us around here the last time she tried to suck the hellmouth taint back. The whole tower glowed and had to go into lockdown." Giles winced. "Also, if the truth hurts her, then she should probably not do something to make it so. Or be high."
Giles looked at her. "Yes, you are quite blintzed," he sighed. He looked at her. "Adrian?"
"He's in the daycare. I'd never let my kid hover in the infirmary even if I'm in here. He's too young to know about that. Even if he does like Xander's weapons to play with."
"He does?" She grinned and pulled out phone to show him the video of her son petting the axe and petting the battle claws. "Oh, he does." He smiled. "That's adorable." He stared at her. "She does have...."
"No, she does not have power of attorney," Xander said. "Hasn't since high school. Before the graduation battle. Joyce did. Dawn does. Willow does not. Because she's tried to kill me more often than a few of my dates." He glared at her. "And you, behave." He looked at Darcy. "I thought I was an overprotective boob."
She grinned. "I do for friends who can't do for themselves. Ask anyone in SHIELD." He snorted but looked amused. "I'm only filling in until Dawn gets back," she said, waving a hand around. "We know she's on Asgard."
"She's in California!" Willow snorted. She tried to summon Dawn to prove it and moaned, going to her knees. "Oh, no, she's been taken."
"Someone's paying her back for winning a poker game against them by letting her go up to do diplomatic things," Jane quipped. "Hey, FRIDAY, can Thor come down here please?"
"Of course," the AI said patiently. "And he's starting to glow, Dr. Malcolm. Or do you prefer Dr. Dr. Zweibel for this incident?"
"Malcolm's fine. Zweibel was my maiden name." He grinned at the ceiling. "Thank you for asking though." He looked at Jane. "She's nicer than a lot of my students."
"Yeah, she's a lot better than the adult-lacking committee you've got now," Darcy said dryly. "By the way, Hadley? She showed up here to complain that no one suggested she show up to be our intern. Tried to beat Marsha for getting it since she's not in science." He winced. "So Jane and she had a talk and she's got one now with Dr. Korman in Tromso." She grinned. "She'll *love* being up there. All her cute clothes, not that warm, so she'll have to shop."
He winced again. "That poor girl. She hates wearing full pants. Much less warm clothes." He patted her on the shoulder. "You should probably go take care of your blood sugar before you pass out, Lewis."
"I had breakfast. Marsha made sure we both ate, and Pietro." He sighed, shaking his head. "But thanks for worrying I'm turning into Jane." Thor walked in. "They had a question about what Dawn's doing."
"I'm hoping no one's talking her into using magic up there. My father would be most amused but annoyed that she was better at it than some of our own mages." He smirked at Mr. Giles. "I'm sure she is behaving like a lady. She does when it's not a poker game."
"Is that how she met Asgardians?" he asked.
Thor smiled and nodded. "She won many games against both myself, my brother, and a few of my battle friends. Including entailing my brother to check on Darcy's son to make sure he's safe for her."
Xander snickered. "Adrian is a cute little guy."
Giles looked at him then at Darcy, who nodded. "Adrian thinks he's a neat hostage. He's trying to be a pirate recently so he's tied him up to demand ransom of poptarts and shiny things." The AI put up a video of that one. Dr. Malcolm snickered at that whole video. She grinned at him. Then at Xander. "I think I figured out why. I have the feeling his friend being energy warped left a hole."
Xander considered then sighed but nodded. "Yeah, that could be. Your brains, my skills....yeah, that sounds like it might be the idea after all." He checked, but Willow had missed that talk. He looked at Giles again. "Apparently those with self healing skills wouldn't have been poisoned. Yet, I still got appointed to sacrifice myself for the ones with healing gifts."
Giles winced. "I do not believe they meant it that way, Xander."
He stared at him. "The girls can't possibly handle it, Xander! It's mean and poisonous. You're the only guy who can handle the big sword to take it out," he mimicked.
Giles sighed but nodded. "I hadn't heard that part." He glared at Willow. "Buffy?"
"Sandra. And then Buffy agreed."
"Hell. No, if the girls had taken it on they might have gotten a bit ill but not poisoned. I thought you handled it because none of the girls there could do so."
"I had Sandra, Buffy, and Elizabeth, Giles."
"Oh, shit," he muttered. "I'll be asking them myself later. Because you're not a slayer and should not be handling things a slayer could if she's there. Not to put your skills down but they do use swords easier than you do with your shoulder pull last year."
"If I die, all my shit, including my owed wishes, goes to Adrian." He looked up. "I know you heard that."
An imp showed up. "We may not. He is not to be touched."
Darcy smirked. "You sure about that? My son? Really?" The imp whimpered as he disappeared. A new demon appeared. "Really?"
"Some of those may not be passed on, Harris."
"Bullshit. I inherited them."
"We...there is not a relationship...." Darcy pulled up that video to show him. "Oh, that child. We are forbidden from aiding him with anything like a wish."
"Then his mom gets them," Xander said with a smirk. "If I die, everything I own goes to Darcy so she can pass them on to her son."
The demon winced, looking up as the magically binding vow bell went off. "Oh, dear." He disappeared to let others know. That woman was not one he wanted to see have powerful wishes.
Darcy hugged him around the head. "I'll let the kid use them when he's old enough to need them and able to reason the consequences."
"Cool." He patted her arm. "Fussy." He smirked.
"Hell yeah. Adrian's pediatrician wanted him to have a sibling. You'd make a cute kid." Giles spluttered.
Willow hopped up. "He's infertile," she sneered. "How dare you try to talk him into bed. Hussy!"
Darcy looked at her. "I've already been in a bed with him, Rosenburg. He was great at it. If he ever wanted to try it again, I'm down with that but I'm not having more kids. I can tease him about that though."
"If she has a daughter, it'll be stubborn enough to end the world," the local doctor complained. "Her son certainly is."
Darcy grinned and nodded. "Yes he is. He loves being like his Auntie Jane."
"That makes him a good boy, usually," Jane quipped. "Though he's been demanding ransoms again, Darcy." Darcy sighed loudly. "Have fun talking to the baby pirate."
"I won a pirate ship she can give to him," Xander quipped with a smirk for Jane. "He can take you with him."
"I hate boats," Jane admitted.
"Well, it's a space pirate ship," he offered then smirked because Jane moaned in that special tone that made Thor nearly moan back. "And some of a planet for him to play on too."
Jane blinked at him. "That's mean," she said. "I can't just go into space with Darcy and the kid. Darcy gets seasick."
"Darcy would get space sick," Thor noted. "The healers who examined her to make sure she didn't bring any germs said she would."
"Great. I can't let Jane take him by herself. He'll tie her up and fly toward a sun or something."
"I don't think I could babysit that long," Jane said. "So that's mean to tease us, Xander."
"You can help me learn to use it if I get better," Xander quipped with a smirk.
"You'd better get better. I'll bring you back to life so you have to bring me," Jane pouted, walking off.
"We'd have to set up a lot of machines to measure the energies and everything else," Darcy said.
Dr. Malcolm stared at her. "I'd want notes for the one that'll want to follow your work when you die of it."
"Of course." She hugged him around the arm. "I had such hopes that Janice would follow me."
"Yes, but she ran from science when she made that hallucinogenic gas that made her have visions about what people would use her for. She's still in hiding."
Xander looked at him. "We have exercises to help her with visions."
"She knows. She found them before she ran because she saw the government coming to find her for them."
"Yeah, they're the same people who the Supreme court told me to blow up if they came for me again."
Dr. Malcolm smiled. "I'll have to let her know that. And maybe get her in with my former coworkers. They might appreciate that." He sent someone an email from his phone. He noticed Willow coming back and stepped out of the way, bringing the doctor and Darcy with him. Willow stomped in and tried to hit Darcy, who decked her. She tried to pull up magic but a tazer worked against witches. Then the nurse sedative darted her. "Hmm. I wasn't sure if sedatives worked on them."
"It tends to make them bleed psychedelic colors and maybe spiral out of control," Xander said. "It could get very messy if they start that. We know not to use thorazine for that. But minor ones just make pretty colors paint the walls like psychic vomit. Including Maximoff if it ever comes up. Or Strange."
The nurse smiled, making that note. "Thank you, Mr. Harris. That's something we might need to know in the future." She dragged Willow off to put her into a room of her own. "She should wake up in a few minutes, Mr. Giles. We didn't use anything too strong." She went to make notes on Rosenburg's problems that had almost caused an incident. They didn't need an Avenger in here for a magical battle.
Xander looked at his boss. "So, why did she bring you?"
"She said your current evil girlfriend was trying to usurp her place in your life, and trying to force bad treatments onto you."
"He's fully awake so able to make his own decisions," Darcy said. "I'd only have to step in if Dawn wasn't here and he was unconscious."
"I know. I have that bit of paperwork myself." He looked at Xander. "I'll talk with her."
"Don't let the coven do it or give her another cat?" Xander quipped.
"No, I don't believe that would be a good idea." He went to talk to his errant witch. She really had stepped in it this time and had upset Xander.
Darcy petted Xander again. "Let me go check the lab. Call if you want me to come fuss?"
"I can do that." She kissed him on the temple and left him to rest and heal.
Dr. Malcolm smiled at him. "You are fascinating in both the bad medical way but also as a human being. I really should encourage one of my students studying chaos to study your life." He made a few notes and nodded at the doctor. "Let me know if you need more help from me."
"I can do that, Dr. Malcolm." They shook hands and the other guy walked off. He looked at his patient. "You certainly have some impressive contacts, Mr. Harris. And very helpful ones. I'm sure you'll get well very fast." He went to check his other patients. "We'll be back in an hour. Try to rest."
"I can try." He shifted to get comfortable, waiting on the next Willow attack to happen. It'd probably be crying or trying to bad talk Darcy. Thankfully he fell asleep before she woke up.
***
When they let Xander out of the infirmary, healthy and without a lot of energy tainting him, he nearly skipped off. And ran right into Agent Woo. Xander stared at him oddly. "Dude, why does SHIELD want to know?"
"I'm SWORD and Rosenburg turned you in for dealing with alien things."
"SWORD is SHIELD's nerdy little brother so same family. Yeah, I stopped a few of them from invading. And this last time I played some poker with one to keep him from trying to claim a few of the slayers as his new harem." He shrugged slightly. "Frankly, she's back in junkie land."
Jimmy Woo smiled. "We noticed and had her drug tested against her will. She failed. Majorly. She threw such a fit even Sorcerer Strange finally noticed and came to tell her to stop it." Xander winced. "He's in a huge crystal flower. She's in the hospital again." Xander winced more. "It was a great thing you got to miss. I just need to hear about the poker game, who it was with, and how befuddled you made him." He grinned. "And yeah, I know why you visit here beyond finding people with sanity."
"I never talk to anyone but Darcy and Jane really."
Jimmy stared at him oddly. "Dude, they're just like you only a few have powers. Talk to the other heros to get some support going? You could use a guy's point of view sometimes, Xander." He grinned. "Before you turn into that flaming asshole you were last year when you got back from the bards' college on Asgard."
"I think I was more flaming than asshole," he said but he grinned. "And they don't see me that way either."
"Bullshit. Talk to the people. Maybe get the girls some mentors?"
"Yes, we'd like them to have some before they show up at one of our battles in skimpy shorts or skirts and heels again," Stark called over the PA for the hallway. "Even Rogers got horrified by their apparent uniform of clubbing clothes for battles."
Both guys looked up and waved. "That's Buffy's fault. Make her stop it," Xander quipped. "Please make her quit. She's been creeping out the foreign slayers again with her clothes." He looked at Jimmy again. "Remember the blue guy and his girlfriend?"
"Yeah."
"Her people's prince, who is not really one but he kinda owns the land thanks to a game. He wanted to get out of control of things and wanted a new girlfriend. I saved Sanya and Theresa from him being flirty and saved his people from him dealing with things. They know about the slayers thanks to bards sharing stuff." He rolled his eye and shifted his weight. "But that does leave me with a continent and a ship to get there. I'm giving them to the shiny pirate Adrian." He smirked.
"I noticed, Xander," he said quietly. "It's cool. And if something happens I'd tell you." Xander nodded. "Frankly, Lewis is rated 'don't annoy, she'll hurt you' in the SHIELD and SWORD files." He grinned.
Adrian ran up the hall. "Yarr! Give me my booty!"
Both guys stared at him, then Xander grinned. "Sorry, you already stole all of mine, Adrian. I have to go home to get you more."
"Kitties?" he demanded. "Sharp pirate kitties?"
"Not on me, little dude. I'm just out of the hospital. They're.... Somewhere."
"Elibetta sent your stuff to the local slayer house when Mr. Giles asked them to. And the stuff in Caracas came too from what I was told." He looked at the boy. "All I have are magic rings." He produced his practice set to let him play with them. "They magically come apart." Adrian looked then hummed as he walked off staring at them. Jimmy grinned at Xander. Who grinned back. "He's a good little guy."
"Yeah, he is." He stretched. "I said I'd give the little dude the ship so he could take his auntie out to space."
"Awww. They'll love that. Thor could probably help."
"Probably."
Dawn appeared with a huff, still in a gown. "Why were you sick?" Jimmy pulled up video to show her. She stared then she hit Xander on the arm hard enough to make him yelp.
"Hey, mean!" Adrian yelled, running back. "No mean! I yell!"
Dawn cooed. "You're so adorable, Adrian. Someday I want to adopt kids as cute as you are." The boy grinned. "And if I'm mean to him, he deserved it."
"You have to do it for us. We can't use the sword it'd need to fight it, Xander," Xander mimicked. Dawn winced. "Yup. I've already had to note I wasn't dead to Cleveland's city people in a few offices. Your sister put an announcement in the papers." She winced. "Willow showed up, high as hell, to nag me about handling it for the girls and getting hurt. Then brought back Giles when Darcy stepped in to protect me."
"Is she still human?"
"Yeah." He nodded. "The nurses in there darted Willow."
"Ooooooh. Pretty colors come out?"
"Didn't last that long." They shared a look. "I need to go kick some ass."
"I can go with you. I'm escaping Odin trying to sell me into marriage because I've got strong magic. I've seen about every mage up there recently. I *swear* I don't want another magic user to date. But...." She waved a hand. "It's Odin's laws since I was up on diplomatic stuff."
Xander stared at her. "You could've used the emergency plans, Dawn."
"I nearly did but I didn't want to cause an international incident when I poisoned someone." She pouted. "That bit of apologizing would suck."
"It would," Xander agreed, giving her a one-armed hug. Adrian grinned and snuggled in too since the one he liked was hugging this one. Dawn picked him up to cuddle. Of course, Willow appeared.
"Is that your child?" Willow demanded. "How could you, Xander!"
"Shut up, Willow. Dawn doesn't have any kids. He's a local kid who wanted a hug." He put Adrian down. "Go hide, little dude. Tell Mommy?" Adrian nodded, running back to his mom and auntie, and maybe even Uncle Thor. Willow hit them with magic but Dawn had shielded them. Xander sighed. "Willow, what has taken your mind this time?" She tried to blast him so he punched her. She got up with a shriek and pulled up more magic. Woo had set off his emergency beacon while puling up an energy shield his people had created. Stark Security and SHIELD agents were already responding. And then there was Wanda Maximoff.
"Did they take your child?" she asked Willow.
Xander stared at her. "Maximoff, step off," he growled. She smirked at him. "Really. Step the fuck off. You're messing with my kid now," he said in Spanish, making her flinch back. "Do you want me to do it to yours?" She backed off, behind Willow. "Dawn, home. Before you have to do something large and bring down the building?"
"I'm good," she said, staring at Willow. "Defending won't hurt anyone." Willow sneered and tried to attack her. Wanda stepped in to help. Xander stepped in the way of part of it and Willow smirked so he let out the remaining hellmouth taint on her. The both of them started to glow, and scream, and fell down holding their heads. "Wow. Hellmouth taint for the win!" She put a shield around them and nodded. "Yeah, that won't work."
She looked up. "Clara!" she yelled. "Come get your student of stupid!" Clara, from the coven, showed up looking startled. Dawn pointed. "Tried to attack me and Xander! And somehow walked another witch across the line too! Attacked us, the agent, and the child that was giving us a hug, here in the hall in Avengers tower!" She stomped a foot. "Xander had to release more hellmouth taint on them."
"Oh, dear." She looked at the two witches. "Well, one doesn't quite have magic."
"She does, it's a different stream and more of a probability thing," Xander said, shifting to lean against a wall. "I'm barely out of the infirmary, Clara."
"I can feel you're tired. And Dawn does look adorable." She looked her over. "A bit fancy for this time of day, Dawn."
"I was on Asgard. Loki pulled me up for a diplomatic thing to punish me for winning against him in a poker game and Odin tried to have me married off because I have magic. I'm escaping all the mages before I have to prove I'm better."
"Oh!" She stared at her. "Should we perhaps...find you an emergency room?"
"Nope. Nothing like that happened. I've been wooed by the mages in other ways. The only one that tried to get gropey didn't like his hand disappearing. It's now attached to his butt." She grinned. "By the way, thank Milia for teaching me that spell?"
"Oh, of course!" She smiled and nodded. "Let me get Willow back to the other girls."
Xander put a hand on her arm. "Willow has been super high recently."
"She failed a drug test yesterday," Jimmy Woo said. He pulled up the results to show her.
The witch stared then nodded once. "All right then. We clearly need to have a few talks with Willow. And this other one is...."
"Wanda Maximoff," Xander said. "Tried to say a kid was Dawn's when he's not. He just wanted a hug."
"Dear, we'd know if Dawn had children. She'd be dead." She huffed then sighed and nodded. "Yes, we'll talk to them both." She stared at the young man walking her way. "Interesting. You feel of the Little People."
"He's her twin," Dawn said.
"He got brought back to life by Between," Xander added.
"That's charming." She tested him and nodded. "Back fully and healthy. Dear, your sister is being a bit of a pain in the ass. The coven would like to perhaps talk to her."
"I saw on the cameras. The AI let me see. Yes, she could use some mentors." He looked at Xander. "I will hoard that secret as well." Xander grinned. "Does he like stuffed friends?"
"And the Hulk and weapons," Darcy said as she came up the hall with Thor. "Hey, Dawn." They shook hands. "Can you take down the shield?" Dawn looked then took it down. She stared at Wanda, who was mostly awake. "You know who Adrian is considering you tried to harm him once." She smiled. "Try it again." She looked at the witch. "The child in question is mine."
"Awww. That's sweet, dear. He was hugging?"
"Yeah, he loves Xander's weapons. He had some battle claws my son adopted as a shiny pirate kitty." She showed her that video. The witch went 'awww'. "He was giving them a hug when Willow showed up."
"I like the little dude. He's a nice little kid," Xander agreed.
"Well, that's adorable of you, Xander. Maybe you'll settle down with someone nice?"
"Yeah, because nice people really like me," he said dryly. "Darcy's about the nicest there was."
"She's gotten a few agents who were bothering them," Jimmy said. "I'm Agent Woo with SWORD, ma'am. We're on to handle alien and witch problems." He made a card appear with a smile.
"That's adorable. Were you the ones that put Willow in a hospital?"
"Yes, I was." He stared at her. "She could probably go back if that'd help you guys clean her up."
"I think we can dry her out easily enough." She looked up then at him. "If not, we'll gladly call." He let her take the card with a nod and a grin. "And perhaps we can help the other one."
"She was a twin who lost her other half," Darcy said quietly.
"Ah! Yes, that would break most people." She looked at the twin, who shrugged. "Well, we can easily mentor the young dear. That's one purpose of the coven, to mentor young witches who have some problems. We've brought Willow back from a black magic addiction." She pulled the twin closer. "Come along. She'll do better with your help." The coven brought the four of them back together.
Darcy sighed, leaning against a wall. "Wow." She looked at Jimmy then at Dawn. "Think she'll come back? I need to go have a bit of a stress break."
"Probably not for hours," Dawn said.
"That'll be more than enough time." She punched Xander on the arm. "The kid'll show up in a few minutes if Jane can't distract him with coffee and pop tarts." She walked off. She was on the elevator when the tower went into lockdown because Willow had shown back up. And tried to attack Dawn and Xander. She looked up. "Let me go hide with the kid, FRIDAY." The elevator let her off on the lab floor. Jane let her in but relocked the door after her.
Upstairs, another magic user was showing up, a certain sorcerer supreme. "What are you doing!" he demanded. "The Vishanti would not approve of their skills being used that way."
Willow stared at him. "Poser!" She sent magic at him, knocking him back. "And you think you're the magic police?" She turned to deal with him, which was a bad idea. Dawn was bleeding from a cut on her side. Xander was injured again. Agent Woo was being held against a wall. But Xander and Dawn weren't standard and Xander had a dagger. Dawn took it to coat in her blood, and cast a spell down the blade before stabbing Willow on the arm. It made her scream and fall down crying but also the portal sucked her in.
Dawn looked at the sorcerer, shrugging some. "Okay. Let's all calm down. Let me get stitches. Let me ...tell Giles I had to relocate Willow to a mystical realm of dwarves." She sucked in a breath and let it out slowly. "Xander, touch the spells on him?" Xander did and the bonds dissolved. The random magic floating around got gathered by Dawn and put into a nearby flower vase. She stared at the staring sorcerer. "Yes, I'm Buffy's little sister. I'm with the Council. Don't come near me. Thank you and have a nice day." She looked Xander over. "Need help?"
"I'm fine. You need stitches. Now." He pointed at the infirmary, making her nod and go in there. He looked at Jimmy, shrugging. "No clue. But dwarves won't put up with her." He pulled out his phone to call. "Giles, Xander and Dawn. Willow decided to attack us. Twice. She's been ported to some dwarves apparently. Dawn, Giles. Not like I've built a teleporting machine. Don't tempt me though. I know someone I can ask to make me one. Andrew would *adore* it for vacation time."
He listened. "No. Dawn's getting stitches. I'm exhausted. The portal thanks to Dawn's magic on my ritual dagger sent her to where Dawn said were dwarves. Ask me later about dwarves, Giles. I've admired them for years." He listened. "Clara had come to gather her, and the Maximoff twins because the witch of them tried to help her to screw up things. Then Willow showed back up with intent to destroy something. And she's *still* higher than hell." He listened.
"Great! If she shows up maybe she'll be sober and back on the side of good. Like when Angel came back from hell." Jimmy stared at him oddly. "I'll share that over beers the next time you have to debrief me about a battle, Jimmy." He listened again. "No, Agent Woo from SWORD, Giles. He does most of the debriefs about battles for them because he's polite with us and knows how to talk to regular people." He listened, leaning against the wall.
"I have no idea. I just handed Dawn my dagger and she crafted the magic. She said dwarves. I'm hoping they aren't seeing it as an invasion. Yup, them. I guess. Dawn might've been thinking D&D dwarves for all I know. Stitches in her side. Willow threw a magical dagger at her chest and Dawn managed to deflect it but it still got her side. Thankfully we're right outside the infirmary at Avengers tower. Yeah, I'm escorting her back so I can prove I'm still alive, no matter what Buffy told everyone. Thanks!" He hung up and looked up then sighed and looked at Jimmy.
"We can recruit you," Jimmy offered with a grin. "Actual paycheck, medical's covered, you'd still be dealing with all the wacky stuff. You can even fall in for battles with the girls, Xander. Starting pay's like twenty-eight a year before taxes."
Xander hugged him, clapping him on the back. "Don't tempt me. Really. Just...don't tempt me that way." Dawn came out. "He's trying to sweettalk me into working for SWORD."
Dawn looked at him. "I've got a dual languages master nearly done if that'll qualify me."
Jimmy grinned. "That could actually be very helpful since we deal with alien and magical problems."
"Kree isn't that hard to learn," she admitted, considering it. "Let me get pissed at my sister again?"
"Gladly. Just call and I'll gladly come with papers and the rule book so you can read it ahead of deciding." He grinned. "Should we escort you to the airport?"
"Portal makers," Xander quipped. "Takes a lot less time. No TSA demanding I take out my fake eye." He looked at Dawn. "No questioning why you're wearing a gown or have blood on you." She looked and sighed then changed it into something cleaner and repaired. "Cute." Dawn smirked at him. "Let's go find a demon bar."
"Six blocks," Jimmy said with a point. "They're a poker circuit place."
Xander grinned. "Thanks, man. See you in April probably." Dawn patted him on the arm as they walked off together. The other agents let them go since they had been defending themselves. Only Hill got in the way. Xander stared at her. "What?"
"What realm and type of dwarves? Will they see that as an invasion attempt?" she asked bluntly.
Dawn shook her head. "Forgotten Realms sort of dwarves instead of Asgardian ones." She grinned. "Real salt of the earth sort of dwarves who mine." Hill shivered. "And they shouldn't but ...well, that kinda depends on Willow. Huh?"
"It probably would. If we have to, we'll apologize for her."
"I can do that. It was that or a bottomless lake. I hear Lake Champlain is nearly bottomless in a few areas. Plus there's supposedly a Loch Ness monster sort of being she could search for." They got onto the elevator and left together. The demons in the bar stared in awe when they walked in. "Going home, people. Xander's not sick. I'm back from diplomatic stuff on Asgard. Willow's in the Forgotten Realms." She smirked a tiny bit. "Anyone here able to make a portal for us?" They got them home and spread that news.
"Dawn, your aura is flashing," Xander said since he was behind her. "You should probably go meditate as soon as you get back under the shields."
"I can do that." They stepped through after paying the guy. The bar on that side erupted into noise. "Hey!" she shouted. "Stop it! Just got done dealing with a Rosenburg fit. We're both exhausted and heading for the house." They settled down and one tested them. Dawn stared at him. "I know, I had to send Willow off. She was halfway back to scary Willow again."
"You read of aliens."
"I was on Asgard doing diplomatic things. Odin tried to have me married off." She grimaced. "I don't want to date a magic user though."
The demon nodded his head stalk. He looked at Xander, who shrugged. "Just out of the hospital."
"That makes sense. Have a good rest. The cabs are running slow tonight but the girls are on patrol."
"We can hitch a ride," Dawn said, patting him on the shoulder. "Thanks. We'll see you guys in a few days." They left together. The local patrol group would only be a block away and the slayer house was only four. They'd get there easily enough. Even being exhausted. Dawn basically walked in, fell onto a couch with a sigh, and fell asleep. Xander stretched out in a chair and did the same thing since it was quiet. They could hear Andrew humming something to his cooking and Giles complaining at someone in the library. So nice, peaceful, and quiet for now.
Giles came out of the library and paused, smiling at the duo in the living room. "Good. Andrew, do we know what's happened this time?"
"They sent us the footage from the hallway and both of Willow's fits." He came out to stare at them. Xander got covered by the specially charmed blanket with the peaceful sleep spell on it. Giles made sure Dawn was fine. Andrew let him see the video and Giles sighed but nodded. "That makes sense and we'll apologize to those dwarves if we must." He went to talk to the senior Council people. "Do put this up so they can see it, Andrew."
"Yup, can do that." He downloaded it on the laptop that ran the projector, letting Giles run it once it was done.
One of the older watchers huffed. "If Dawn did bring back a potential spouse who had magic, I don't think most of us would mind."
"I'll let her know that," Giles said patiently. "The agent is one we've seen after battles to debrief the girls." They nodded they had seen him before. "I should ask him if we're missing any battle reports on Xander." He made himself a note then looked at them. "We should prepare an apology to the dwarves for Willow."
"Clara called up sobbing. Willow knocked them out," another one said, rubbing her forehead. "They're fine but Willow blinded them with a flash of magic and it knocked everyone out. But that set of twins." She looked at him. "Who are they?"
"Avengers team members," Andrew said as he walked in. He pulled up the demon community profile on them. "She's got a few powers, and she's powerful, but broken. He's newly revived thanks to Between. They were twins and that's part of what broke her." The others sighed but nodded at that. "He came back to help her." The witch on the council just nodded at that. "That one woman's job with her coworker is rebuilding portal things so from the rumors they used a portal to send him when he tried to use their stuff in a way that would compromise people."
"The ones who lord over Between would know if it was necessary and it's safer," the witch agreed. "They would not send him back if there wasn't a purpose. With a twin that was having such issues, that's reasonable to me." She looked and frowned. "Is that the one that sicced that green being on that city?"
"Yeah, she's got mind screwing abilities," Andrew agreed. "She mind screwed the Hulk to let him destroy things so she could get away from the Avengers team." The witch moaned. "She really needs a mentor." He grinned.
"Yes, she clearly does. Do they know Xander?"
"Yeah. Before the battle in their homeland, Xander had been there to take out a demon."
"Good. Maybe he can mentor the chippy." She looked at the computer, running it back. "That child..."
"Is the one Sorcerer Strange wanted to bind and she went to court," Andrew said, making her smile and nod. "His mom's the dark haired one that hugged Xander. That Willow was trying to attack."
"Great!"
"And she helps deal with portals."
"Ah." She sucked in a breath. "Magical?"
"The child, yes," Giles said. "And the PTB made sure he came to be through multiple forms of birth control. We ran into her and the baby when we were up to make the peace treaty. We tested him then. He'll be a bit powerful but he's a good boy. Who apparently likes pirates."
The other watchers grinned at that. He was adorable. "Xander could probably teach him how to do that sort of career with class and skill," one of them quipped. "I'm sure he's met a few who didn't have those skills."
"Yes but he rather took them down to get away from them," Giles said, pulling up that report for them. It got a few groans. "How would we deal with Willow when she gets sent back?"
"She was using illegal drugs by that talk from the agent," the witch said, looking at him. "We may have to finally find a way to bind her."
"I'd rather we not torture her but restricting her I can gladly see. To defense and battle situations only would be most pleasant, Naomi."
"I'll see what we can do. With an additional out for healings." She sent a message and got one back. "The girls are already writing out that ritual." She smiled at him. "They'll attempt it as soon as she's back." Giles smiled and nodded. "Is Dawn healthy?"
"She's not physically bleeding. She'll have to unchange the clothes later so she can have it repaired and sent back I'm sure." The others nodded and made the notes they needed, going to file the report in the history books and their journals for future references.
***
Loki looked at the pile of clothes that appeared next to him on the couch. The note on top gave a thank you for the lending, she had the outfit cleaned, and a real seamstress had repaired the rip Willow had caused by attacking her. He reread it, looking confused. But it was nice it was appreciated. He sent it with one of the maids, so she could store it back in the lost clothes closet. She tutted over the rip so he let her see the note.
"Aye, the seamstress was decent enough," she agreed. She smiled. "Nice of her to have it cleaned as well. Very kind, that girl was." She left him to his book.
Loki shook his head but was amused. Especially since a few of those mages who wanted into Dawn's outfit with her had asked him to suggest their suits to her. "Quite unusual. But amusing."
***
Darcy watched her son float something, though he looked very confused about why his poptarts were floating. "Son, maybe you should put them on the table," she said with a point. He scowled at her. "It's not us doing it. That's you doing it. Put them down?" She got up to grab them from the air, putting them in front of him. She checked his bracelet, no glow from any magic. "Maybe it's not you." She pulled out an energy sensor to check. No, it wasn't him.
She set off a white noise generator, which distracted the magic. Adrian just ate his snack before they floated off again. The magic tried to come back so Darcy scowled. "Not. Going. To. Happen." It quit. "Thanks." She patted her lap, letting Adrian run over to cuddle her for a story. "Such a good boy." She read him the report she was typing up on their experiments. He got happy with that.
The magic tried to come back but she glared up at the ceiling. Her taser went beside her on the desk, making Adrian oooooh over that. He loved her tazer. Jane walked in, frowning at the sight of the tazer. Then she noticed something floating that shouldn't be. "His?" she asked with a point at the pads of paper.
"Nope. His bracelet isn't glowing at all." She smiled at Jane. "We can read it on the energy meter."
"That's good." She got the meter to watch the readings, finding it was fairly small. "Do we think they're missing their target? Or is the floating incidental?"
"It started with his poptarts and he was standing over there. No idea if it's just stuck there or where it's coming from." She shrugged, going back to reading the articles to her son.
Jane just nodded, keeping watch on it. They couldn't do anything with the weird energy fields going on. Jane noticed their plants were growing quickly and put them into the hallway for now. Before they mutated and ate something important. Darcy just shook her head but she kept Adrian out of the way.
***
Darcy leaned into Tony's lab. "For some reason we've had a lot of external magic going on in the lab upstairs that's missed and been floating some of our papers for us."
"Who's above your lab?" he demanding, tossing down his stylus and following her back to her shared lab. The floating things were still floating. "Who's upstairs? FRIDAY? Who's doing this?" He looked at Darcy. "Not the sprout, right?"
"No, he's upstairs with Clint. We thought it might be trying to spy on him but it stayed when we evacuated him to watch some PBS."
"Okay. We're sure it's from upstairs?"
"The monitor says it appears about ten feet up," Jane offered, turning around to point at the energy meter. "Isn't that Hilia?"
"No," Darcy said, shaking her head. "She's off to the left." She pointed. "Right above that area is a supply closet."
"Great." Tony went up to check, and run a diagnostic on his AI since she hadn't answered. He ended the program bothering his system, and found an unconscious person in the closet. Who was floating. He got the medical team up there and went to check with security. She had went in there to talk to someone on her phone. No one had went in with her or joined her. So maybe she had unreleased magic and that had happened? He'd figure that out later, once he made sure his people were okay. And the kid. Because he didn't want him hurt.
***
Darcy came back from a date, a second date actually, and was bummed. "He wants to be close to the kid, which is nice but he's insistent that I should have already introduced them and Adrian should already be calling him daddy."
Jane looked up from her reading, shaking her head. "We dumped him, right?" Darcy nodded quickly. "Nothing wishy-washy?"
"No. I pointed out that my kid wasn't going to meet anyone I hadn't been out with at least ten times so he couldn't get attached. He's decided we're soulmates. So I got up and left. I paid for my order and just walked off." Jane grinned at her. "I need someone good, but damn!" She flopped down with a sigh. "He do okay?"
"He did fine. He ate the food you fixed, he had a fun time in the bath, he went down with a story from Clint because he was avoiding Steve nagging him about his coffee intake again." She curled up some, looking at Darcy again. "He did good. He's used to you leaving him in daycare."
"I know but I feel like I fail each time I do."
"Your mom had babysitters."
"Yeah, she did." She huffed, looking up the hallway. "Someone's already got the sneaky gene." Jane turned her head to look at the little boy, who was sneaking toward the kitchen. He didn't notice them watching him but he made it into the fridge to grab a yogurt tube. "Midnight snack?" Darcy called. He squeaked and dropped the tube he was trying to rip open with his baby teeth. She got up to grab him and the tube, nudging the door closed with her hip as they went back to the couch. She opened the tube with her teeth and let him suck it down. "You should probably be in bed, son."
He grinned at her. "Nope!"
"Uh-huh. After this, bed. Again." He pouted but oh well! He finished up, let her help him brush his teeth again, then got tucked back in. Darcy walked off shaking her head. She heard something and looked back there, going to take the phone from him. "No stealing Auntie Jane's phone," she said patiently. "She can never find it regularly, much less when you hide it. Sleep, Adrian. Please?"
"Boy?" he asked, staring at her.
"Yes, you're a boy. The boy I saw earlier, nope. You don't need to meet him." She walked back to the living room to give Jane her phone then went to change into jammies. She came out to take the phone and get rid of the PBS that Jane couldn't end. Jane tucked the phone into her shirt pocket and got back to her book.
Darcy made them something to drink and flopped back down again. Adrian snuck into her room but ran off squealing because something scared him. They went to look and Darcy got to call the security team. Who had clearly delivered something to them earlier since Jane hadn't given her the stuffed skeleton creature in her corner.
Happy, Tony's former driver and now head of security, came out to look at her. "Did you see it earlier?" he asked.
"I was just in there and didn't see it," she admitted. "It's creepy and I should have."
He nodded. "Cameras show it just appeared." Darcy winced. "I know it wasn't the kid's doing. Boyfriend?"
"Second date and I walked away from him because he was getting pushy about Adrian meeting him and calling him daddy already. I paid for my dinner and hiked it."
Happy nodded. "Can we do a background check on him?" She grinned and nodded. "Could he have magic?"
"I have no idea. I don't have any so I can't tell and I don't know what to look for. Yet. I'm going to be asking someone about things like jewelry themes."
"Okay, share when you get that. As far as I know they just wear weird things like capes." He went to check on his team, who were stunned by the stuffed skeleton. "It's magical," he called. "It's stunned the two guards."
Darcy went to get something, handing the can of hairspray and lighter over. "Can we burn it and not do the whole bedroom?"
"I hope we can get it into the containment box I'm having sent up." It arrived with two SHIELD agents. "Guys, it stunned two of the security guys." They let in the medics to check them over while they used catch poles, like what the dog catchers use, to grab the figurine and stuff it into the metal box. It got rolled off.
"Bye!" Adrian called then giggled. "Scary bad guys go to volcano!"
"Don't tempt me, son, and go to sleep please," Darcy called, then sighed and looked up shaking her head. Happy grinned at her, patting her on the arm as he walked past her. They left them to rest while they looked over the creepy present. It was magical and a trap. Both of the guards were being poisoned by it. One had magic and he was in worse shape. So yup, definitely a trap.
***
Darcy looked up as Maria Hill and Happy came into the lab the next day. "Was he magical?"
"A member of that order," Maria Hill said with a nod. "We intercepted an officer that got a call that your son had stolen that artifact from his house. We showed him what had went on and they were not amused. They charged him with trying to harm the child and the guards."
Darcy grimaced. "It was my second date with him, Hill."
"I've had that happen myself, Dr. Lewis. Can we start doing a background check on any future ones?"
"Yeah, please do. I usually do a peoplefinder.com search for anyone I agree to meet in person but I know that's not enough sometimes."
Happy nodded. "That's not that uncareful. At least you'd find out if they have a warrant and if they're known for anything too bad." Darcy nodded. "You always meet in public places?"
"Always, and I learned not to meet them in a park, even in broad daylight. That's too open. A bar might have someone who'd help me if I need it."
"That's reasonable and you're taking normal woman precautions. It's what I'd expect most women to do. Just let us do a fast check when you find one."
"Of course. I don't want to put the kiddo into danger."
"You've been a decent mother so far," Hill assured her before leaving.
Happy grinned. "We love how happy the little guy is. Even if he is going around trying to get booty again." Darcy moaned, going to find her son. "He's back in the daycare."
"We still need to talk about that. He's been taking weapons as booty again."
Happy watched her go with a grin, following to help by telling Tony what had happened.
Jane was shaking her head at her desk with a long sigh of discontent. Adrian needed more science things so he was more like his mother than his father.
***
Adrian was sneaking around with his friend from daycare, and ran into a doorway. One that was just hanging there. His friend was creeping away from it so he stared at her, then up. "FRIDAY?" he called quietly. "Door?" He pointed.
"There's no door there, Adrian," the AI said.
"Yes door!" He patted it and it tried to open. "Ooooh! Door!" he shouted.
A few of the guards came to look. "What's going on, little Lewis?" one asked quietly.
Adrian pointed. "Door!" The guards shook their heads. He patted it and they all stared at the new light. "DOOR!"
"Yeah, that's a weird door. Why don't you two go back to the daycare? I'm sure they have cookies or something like a vegetable." Happy came up the hallway. "They found some sort of mystical doorway."
"The energy sensors are going nuts. Okay." He clapped his hands. "Hi, Pirate Adrian and your little friend. What's your name, sweetie?" he asked with a grin. "I'm Happy and I work with security." The girl stared at him. "FRIDAY?"
"She is named Bethany I do believe."
"Okay. Adrian and Bethany, let's get you guys a snack of veggie sticks for finding that really important thing."
Adrian stared at it then at him. "Booty?" he asked with a bright, happy grin. Bethany huffed. He hugged her. "Shinies!"
"I hope not, but if so we'll let you play with one later, little guy. Let's go back to the daycare so we can make sure they're nice shinies instead of mean ones."
Darcy came jogging up the hall. "Adrian!" He flinched, staring at her. "No more sneaking away from the daycare!" She picked Bethany up then her son. "Let's go back to the daycare. You know not to sneak away. We could be doing something that would make the whole building go boom." She walked them off. She glared at an agent. "Coming?"
"Um, sure, I guess, Dr. Lewis."
"They snuck away from the daycare and they didn't call to warn me. So I'm guessing something's wrong."
"Yeah, let's go to the daycare then." He looked at his team leader, who stepped in front of them to take Adrian since Bethany was trying to hide under Darcy's hair. "I can escort you two, just to make sure that doorway isn't involved." They followed the mom down there, finding another confused looking mother down there. The agent cleared his throat, making that secretary jump and flinch. "Did you get called because kids snuck off?"
"No. I came down for lunch with my daughter, like I usually do. Where's the worker?"
"Don't know. These two snuck off to find a mystical doorway upstairs by the Avengers floor." She put Adrian down in front of the snack plate. "Where's the veggies, guys?" The mother got them some so Darcy grinned. "Thanks." She went to look in the safe room. Yup, hiding people. "Guys, it's Adrian's mommy," she called while knocking. "Are you okay in there?" She heard a muffled yelp. "Oh, that's not kids." The agents came to move her and check. "Are they bad guys?"
"Looks like the people who're trying to be AIM but are failing badly at that," the senior agent said dryly. "Great!" He stared at them. "Is the doorway upstairs yours?" They just moaned at him. "What happened to you guys?"
Darcy looked up. "Miss FRIDAY? Did my son do it? Because I know he likes weapons." The agents stared at her.
"That's real advanced for his age," one complained quietly.
"And yet, he's been playing with Mjolnir again. And it let him use it as a house for his stuffed friends and Hulk figurine." The agents winced. The video was shown and they all groaned. The daycare worker had knocked the idiots out then hid the rest of the kids in the bathroom. The agents went to get them out and into a better safe area. Though the kids wanted the veggie tray to snack so all the veggies went with the kids, the workers, and the new security team that came to help."
Adrian stared at one. "Need shiny pirate kitties, Mom!"
She flinched, then hauled off and punched one guy. "Yeah, not getting near my kid." The guy spluttered but the agents pushed him into a wall to hold him there while the daycare was evacuated. The other parent went with them to help. Darcy sighed, biting her lip. "So, who's he?"
"Don't know yet," one said with a smile for her. "You okay?"
"About to have a mom fit because someone got near my kid." They got out of her way. "No, you guys have him. Let me know if he was here for Adrian. I need to go look over that doorway with Jane." She walked off muttering.
Happy got in her way, shaking his head. "Elves."
"Am I going to have a flashback to London?" she demanded.
"Lord of the Rings elves not evil ones."
"So long hair and too pretty?"
"Yes. They have a young magic user who goofed." She sighed. "It called to any magic users on this side so that's why Adrian found it." He smiled. "The kids okay?"
"No! The daycare worker had to use a sonic weapon to knock out idiots."
"Fuck me," he muttered, going to check on that. "Great!"
"Thanks, Happy. The kid's with the others. He's not allowed to wander. Please gently shoo him back there if you find him out and about and not headed for the lab?"
"I can do that," he promised, not looking at her as he nodded. He ran into the agents. "What happened down here?"
"They thought Adrian might be Foster's kid and wanted him and three others who have genius parents." The agent in charge grinned. "They're real stupid. Not even from the brain swelling thanks to the sonic cannon."
Happy nodded once. "The daycare?" The agent pointed. "Get with me later over the daycare's security?"
"Yeah, sure can!" Happy huffed as he walked off. He was not that nice right now.
"The AI couldn't hear me in the bathroom," the daycare worker said as he walked into the break room they were in.
"I'll get Stark on that tonight," he promised, staring at her. "Why didn't an alarm go off with the weapons discharge?"
"I had to turn it off? Bethany set off the smoke grenade earlier?" She winced. "I might've forgotten to turn it back on?"
Happy nodded. "I'll ask him about automating that as well." He looked at the kids then at her. "We all good?"
"Yeah, they're fine. They thought we were playing a hiding game. I didn't even realize those two and Hannah wasn't with us for ten minutes."
"Hannah...."
"Slepna?"
"Guys, we have a missing kid," he called. "Dr. Slepna's daughter Hannah."
"Got her," one agent yelled. "She's in a broom closet. Said they're hiding from Adrian finding them." He brought her in with a grin for the daycare worker. "We'll up the safe room tonight, ma'am. Just in case." He nodded and left them to handle it. His boss was not going to be amused. Then he heard 'elves' and decided to make his report from a few extra feet away from them. Before he got punched. Thankfully Lewis and Foster were studying the doorway and weren't going to be punching him. Some days he missed when Lewis would zap people instead of punching them. He got out of Thor's way when he heard him stomping that way. Thor was going to be 'diplomatic' but Jane got in his way.
"Young magic user sneezed, Thor. Relax." She went back to talking to them about how to end the portal.
"We need the purple glowy machine," Darcy noted calmly. "And the plate system to relocate whoever snuck across if they're still here. It's not open for passage right now." She looked at the agents, who went to find that guy. He was being confused by Stark's tv sets so easily found. Darcy got the smaller things and the agent following her helped her haul up the bigger one for Jane to set up. It got closed once the elf guy was back home.
Jane looked at Darcy. "He's going to have a hell of a story at the pub." Darcy nodded, bringing their stuff back with them. Some of the tower security guys helped with the machine pulling. The ladies smiled at them for it. Then they settled in to make notes, have a stiff enough drink that wasn't fully alcohol because it was still early, and pitch a fit about today happening. The agents nicely left them to do it. The tower security team wisely fled the lab floors.
Up in the main lab, Stark was having his own fit. About many things. He really had to up a lot of security without making it obvious so no one got scared. This was going to suck.
***
Jane looked at the present that had been sent through the regular mail a few days later, spotting the name tag. "The baby daddy sent him a chemistry thing?" she asked the room. Her two interns both looked confused. Darcy held out a hand so Jane handed it over.
Darcy looked at the handwriting, then the opened end. All their mail was scanned as a security precaution. They had asked for it to be scanned to protect the kid. Jane got some seriously weird death threats. Darcy looked at the box inside. "This is for an older kid," Darcy noted. The note inside had Xander's name but not his handwriting. She compared it to a letter he had written for the kid. She texted someone and they admitted who had sent it, and they were happy that the little guy would like science stuff. "Faith sent it." She put it aside. "It's simple experiments for little kids. Things like floam since they showcased it." Jane hummed happily, getting back to her equations.
"Does the kid like science?" the Pietro wannabe asked.
"Sometimes he does," Darcy said with a grin for him. "Sometimes he just humors his auntie. But he does like to mix things." She looked up a few recipes for the kid to help her with. He liked to bake because it meant he got treats. She hummed. "That's a lot of work," she decided. "We can make tube croissants." She made a note on her grocery list. Then she got back to her work. She suddenly sighed. "Jane, I've got a huge thing here," she said quietly. "I might have to present."
Jane rolled over to look over her arm. "You do and you should. That way people know who you are." She patted her on the shoulder with a grin. "Have fun with that."
"My last one I kept getting accused of sucking off your genius."
"Not this time. That's not my area of specialization." She went back to her math.
"Maybe I'll create a portal and walk out of it," Darcy decided, cracking Jane up. "That would showcase this theory. We could present the plate system at the same time."
"We could," Jane agreed, nodding without looking over. "That would get us threatened again."
Darcy hummed but nodded. "Yeah but...well, that would be some fun. Almost Stark-like."
Jane grinned at their interns. "That's something that the scientific community hates." Darcy nodded at that but was grinning. "I mean, that was your work, Darcy. Mostly." She shrugged. "Go ahead and present it but quote me for math things."
"Of course I would. You did some of the basics of the theory." She started on the article about the plates. And her own portals. She had another one open that was on the space energy she had studied. Thanos was not going to get to come back without them doing something. That one might be better to put out first. Just in case.
***
Darcy set up the portal and walked through, nodding at the staring people. She grinned at them. "Hi, guys. I'm Dr. Darcy Lewis, PhD in Astroelectrical physics." A few moaned. "I'm the former intern of Dr. Jane Foster. That was...well, that was our last co-project kinda. She did some of the basics of the theory and a few of the math things for me." She waved one person up. "Go ahead and try it. It's got a step to the left at the end. We can't figure out how to curve it yet. The further the distance, the bigger the curve apparently."
A few people came up to try it and one moaned as they came back after running into the wall. "But that's only one thing I'm presenting today." She smiled once they were all back in their seats. "Let's start with the sexy energy stuff. That way we can detect the big purple asshole that had shown up before." She pulled up her notes on the projector. She went into her prepared speech and took questions at the end.
One older male stood up. "How much did Dr. Foster work on that one?"
"Not at all. This was my thesis project and I hadn't seen Jane in over a year at that point, sir. You should know that, you sat on my board." He glared at her. She stared back. "You did. You also slept through my defense." She smiled at him. "Jane does the Bifrost and other big energy things that are transdimensional. While the portal is partially her math work with my work, and I've given her the credit she's due for that bit of work, the rest is all mine. I'm not one to suck off someone else's genius. No matter how often I get accused of it."
The man huffed off. Darcy waved at his back. "Have a great day, Professor Bangold." She looked at the others. "Other questions?" None. "Okay, then let's get into the story of how I figured out the magic mirror theory." She pulled up those notes. "After a great late night with a son that wouldn't sleep long enough, I was reading him a fantasy story to try to make him nap again. Which brought up the idea of how they do the step through one mirror out of another in another area." She pulled up that slide for them. "I'm told that the curve can be accounted for, so this is just a basic theory for short distances, but it's a start." That got some questions she answered.
"How does this relate to the Bifrost?"
"It doesn't. It has nothing to do with it. The Bifrost is a bridge sort of bridge, you walk across it. This is a compressing space traveling method." She pulled up her images again so they could go over them better.
"Would the curve be accounted for in the base of the formula?" another woman asked.
"From what I've been able to figure out, and after asking someone who did magic, it's in this part." She pointed at one section. "That's the ending GPS part. I *think* I figured it out, slightly off center though." She pulled up that from her phone instead, letting them see it. "See, this changed it from a linear to a curved line of travel. I'm still off by a few feet per hundred miles. And that wall hurts when you run into it." She grinned. "I tested it by scaring my mother to death last week."
"Did anyone on Asgard look that over?"
"We had Lord Loki show up one day. I asked him and he's the one that noted it has a curve to me but didn't tell me how." She shrugged. "He said that's not how he chooses to travel, it takes a lot of energy for a single person to power that magically." That got a few nods and one angry looking person. "I amused him greatly with it." She grinned. "He was so amused that people think about how fantasy stories work. It made him walk off laughing."
She shrugged again. "Next time I'll bring a unicorn to taunt him. We did that by accident when Tony Stark played around with the mirror system while he was sleep deprived last night. Only he brought a dragon." A few laughed. She pulled up pictures and got moaned at. She nodded. "So, that's my presentation, people. I hope it was at least entertaining. I know some people are really dry when they speak and I never want to be that boring." They clapped politely so she took her portal with her.
"Is that on a framework?" one woman called.
"Mirror frame," Darcy called back. "It's easier to use a solid framework to create it into instead of an open one. I can do an open one but it'll take more power than I had available here." She grinned back at her. "I didn't want to brown out the city." She left the room.
Jane stepped up for her turn. "Darcy did give me credit, more than was due. She bounced ideas off me and had me look over her math for it. I'd never let anyone work on my things that way." She glared at one man, making him sit down again. She had punched him a few years back for accusations of her plagiarizing their friend Erik's work. "So, the Bifrost. Yeah, we can do that." The crowd broke into yelling. She held up a hand. "And a more celestial based system Darcy and I worked on together. That's when she got the idea about the mirror system." She went over her Bifrost. Her slides were a bit more messy; she had to do them herself.
"Can you prove it?" one man demanded.
Jane nodded and set off her bridge terminus. Heimdall showed up. She had warned him she'd probably have to call the bridge down to show off a bit. She took the pastry he handed her, kissing him on the cheek. "Thank you, Heimdall. Should I save a tiny corner bite for Thor?"
"His mother would send him some if he asked, Jane Foster. She sent that one for you." She beamed. He smirked as he walked off and disappeared, the bridge following him.
She nibbled her pastry while she went over questions for the rest of the group. At the end, she set up the plate system and brought Darcy back with it. That...that got some shouting. "It's a teleportation plate," she said smugly. "The other end's at a volcano for the ones that are too dumb to do science." A few choked and the rest laughed at that. Darcy set up the cameras for the plate outside the area. Jane went over how the plate and camera worked then sent two birds there. One of which got attacked by the hawk that was watching that spot that spit out animals now and then. They got to see the hawk pounce the pigeon and carry it off. The other one fled for its life.
"Can a human try that?" one man shouted in the back.
Darcy looked at him. "Yeah, Dr. Banzai. You can try it. It's been tested on humans." He came jogging up to try that. The camera showed him landing there and taking pictures then coming back. She grinned at him. "I'm sure my professor would say hi."
"I'm sure he would too," he said, staring at her. "Wow, ladies." They grinned at him. "Can it be used to alter people?"
"Nope," Jane said. "I made sure it can't." He relaxed and walked off showing others the pictures. Jane looked at the group. "It's also point-to-point. You have to land on the plate there or here." That got a few nods. "So it's not a security concern at this point in time."
Darcy looked at her. "Multi-terminus?"
"Eventually," Jane agreed with a nod. That got another moan from them. The ladies packed up and left to complaining but happier scientists did that. They went for coffee, Darcy called to check on the son, and they went to relax in the hotel spa for now.
The next presenter was pouty. "I don't think I can follow them. Dr. Foster and her former intern Dr. Lewis are both very smart and scary. I guess they felt they had to be showier due to being women in science." He sighed. "I just have a better cloning formula." That got a lot of attention. Whoever had set up the order of presentations knew what they were doing.
***
Darcy answered the video call, waving. "I told him you'd probably say hi."
"I probably would've," he agreed with a nod and a smirk. "The magic mirror has a curve?"
"Yes. It does. A few feet every hundred miles. I'm still working on that part, Doc."
He grinned. "You evil little bitch." She laughed and nodded. "Did he try that one?"
"Nope. Plates."
"Hmm. I wonder if he could try the mirror thing to see if it might undo the damage from the eighth dimension."
She shrugged. "No clue. I haven't seen him and we've been out of the spa for a few hours now. We've been sitting in the lobby in case anyone wanted to talk to us. A few have showed up to ask Jane about Thor. And one wanted Heimdall's number."
He just nodded. "That's fine and about how it goes. Can I try that mirror?"
"Probably."
"Talk to me when you get back, Lewis." He hung up.
She put her phone up, getting Jane's attention. "The doctor I studied under."
"I like him. He's nice and smart. A bit mean but that's about normal in science." Darcy nodded that was true. "How's the nephew?"
"Bored. He had to stay in the daycare. He mooned Natasha earlier because she was picking on Clint." Jane burst out in giggles. "Yeah. Then he ran off squealing he had gotten her. So Clint handed him to the daycare for his own safety."
"I don't think she'd hurt the kid."
"She'll hurt Clint for the kid."
"Could be," she decided, nodding at the end. She went back to her lunch. Darcy was nibbing on a salad with fruit and nuts.
***
They showed up at their lab, finding Phil Coulson tied up in Jane's desk chair and Adrian being smug he had done that. Jane looked at him. "Did you capture a prisoner for ransom?" she teased.
"My hostage!" Adrian cheered with a grin. "Ransom is like booty!"
"Yes it can be. What do you want to give him up?" Darcy asked patiently, staring at her son.
"Shiny pirate kitties?" he asked with a happy grin.
"They went home with their owner."
"Shoot!" Adrian pouted at her. "No kitties?"
"Not that kind. You'll have to get another kind, kiddo," Jane said. She looked out the door. "Which one of you helped the kid tie up the agent?" she called. No one answered and the guards all looked confused. "Okay. Coulson, who helped him tie you up?"
Coulson shook his head. "The thing that hit my head. I have no idea who put me into the chair for him but I came to and he was tying the knots."
"Sure," Darcy said with a nod, staring at her son, who just grinned back. "Who helped you? That way we know who to share the ransom with?"
"Mine!" he cooed. "All mine! He say so!"
"Okay, which he?" Jane asked him. Adrian walked off giggling. She followed, making sure he went to the daycare again then went to talk to Stark, who was waiting. "Who helped the kiddo?"
"Loki. He appeared, knocked out Coulson, put him into the chair, then walked off giggling while disappearing." He grimaced. "He apparently really likes your son."
"I'm not so sure he's not liking the baby daddy," she shot back, grimacing at the end.
"No comment but he does draw dangerous sorts." He went back to his lab.
Jane went back to her lab. "Loki helped him then disappeared."
Darcy just nodded once then sighed. "Sure."
Coulson cleared his throat. "Can I be untied?" They let him free and sat down in their desk chairs with sighs. "Ladies, can we talk about the security we'll need when you release the plans on the plate system?"
"You have to go plate to plate," Darcy said, sounding like she was talking to her son. "So don't put the second one where you don't want people to be."
"I'm more worried that someone who's got...skills landing there and then breaking in with said skills."
Jane looked at him. "They can go on tours and do the same thing."
"Most of those places would have metal detectors."
"So put the plate in a tiny area that leads to a metal detector with guards," Darcy said. "It's not a huge plate. Use a tiny receiving room. The white house has a few of those for waiting areas."
"True, it does. Could we talk about licensing it to SHIELD for their exclusive use?"
"No," both ladies said then shook their heads.
"What about SWORD?" They shook their heads again. "You could easily create an override." They nodded with smirks for him. "You don't trust us."
"No, experience has taught us not to." Darcy stared at him. "Thankfully I found my iPod on Ebay." He nodded once. "Would you trust you?"
"Not particularly. Will you allow us to borrow a set to handle emergencies, like hostage situations?"
"Maybe," Jane admitted. "If it's that important but we'll want it back or we'll destroy it."
He nodded. "That's reasonable. We'll talk about that later." He looked at Darcy. "Your mirror system." She smirked. "That's dangerous. Like that one portal...."
She held up a hand. "That portal was set specifically to go there. You have to set a destination or it's just a mirror."
"Oh. All right. Would you let Dr. Fitz look that idea over?" She shrugged. "Did you present the facts?"
"I did, and it's being published next month." She grinned. "I'm pretty sure he can get enough from that even though I was skimpy on the math for safety reasons, and I stated it was for safety reasons."
He nodded. "That's a good idea. All right, we'll talk later this week after I talk to my science teams to see if they want to think tactically about it. Your son is very good at knots." He left them to their work, going to Stark's lab. He knocked on the window, getting glared at. But after the long glare he was let into the lab. "I'm worried about people taking Lewis and Foster's ideas to break into secure facilities."
Stark nodded. "Not likely. They're all point to point specific. Have to be in place before you can go there. So you'd have to have someone drop one, not have it be found, then use it to travel back as an escape plan."
"You could use a forward scout to bring the rest of the team," Coulson admitted.
"Which would be a lot more work."
"True. Do you think a mundane, barely scientific sort could take what they're putting out to build their own?"
"No. I barely understand it."
"That's excellent. I'd like to license it for SHIELD's use for extractions and the like."
Stark stared at him. "With the way most of us in this building feel about SHIELD, you'd be lucky not to lose your team in the middle."
"I realize that, Stark." He shifted his stance so a robot could get behind him. "Can you talk to them about letting us use a set?"
"I can talk but I doubt it'll do any good. They won't let the team have one either."
"That's a reassurance. Thank you." He left him to his work while he went to talk to his teams. Stark rolled his eyes, sent Lewis an email, then got back to his current plans. He had to be impressive in a few weeks so he had to get his own things done.
***
Xander appeared in a flash of magic. It had been months since he'd seen the kid, or the kid had gotten out of the building for some fun. "Howdy."
"Hey," Jane said with an absent wave. "Did Dawn send you? Darcy's wondered why we haven't seen you recently."
"No, I got a lift from someone else." Darcy stared up at him oddly. He grinned. "What?"
"Why do you feel like magic?"
"Don't know." He concentrated and it quit. "Better?"
She smirked. "News you want to share?"
"Nope." He smirked a tiny bit. "The kiddo okay?"
"He's fine, Xander," Darcy said. "But you're being weird."
"I'm always weird. Just ask the ones I need to smite." He rolled his eye. He had his eyepatch on today instead of having the fake eye in. He flopped down in a chair to look at her. "He's been healthy and all that?"
"Yeah, he's been pretty good." She shrugged a tiny bit. "No idea what's up if you've heard something different."
"I've heard rumors of mystical weapons liking him."
"Oh, that. Yeah, she loves the spawn. Loves to play house with his stuffed friends and figurines." She grinned, showing him a video. "It hasn't gotten out though."
"SHIELD has it in a file. I've had someone erase it." She nodded that was nice. He grinned at it. "He's a good little kid."
"So came to play?" Jane asked.
"Just checking on him. I've got to hit another area soon and I won't be available for a bit. So I thought I'd give over a way to definitely get in touch with me just in case." He handed a card to Darcy, which sparkled with some magic.
Darcy stared at him. "Are you going off realm again?"
"Well, yeah. A perk of the job, all the travel," he quipped then grinned at the guy walking in. "Yes, did you need the lovely ladies of the lab?"
"Sir, you're not signed in as a guest."
"I'm with the Council."
"Oh. Okay. Magic is weird and we still need to note you're here for a bit." He called that in but left them to talk. He had no idea why Lewis and Foster needed to talk to him about something. They had probably drawn another mythical creature thanks to a portal.
Darcy noticed he was wearing a weird thing on his wrist but wouldn't mention his meditation beads. "So, I've been wondering. Loki seems to be interested in the kid a lot. Are you and he?" She made swishy hand motions.
He shook his head. "Been in the same battle as he was but otherwise no. I think he's amused by your little chaos source. Is he still stuck on pirates?"
"Oh, yes," she sighed but was grinning. "He tried to block agents from getting off the elevator to talk to people by demanding a toll. They weren't as amused this time but Stark eventually came and told him he'd have to take any toll from him because it was his building. Adrian said it was his duty to amass a chest of spoils. One of the agents livestreamed it to the other agents to warn them he was being cheesy again."
"I've got a few things he can stuff in the trunk. And a spare eyepatch if he wants it." He smirked at the boy sneaking in. He checked his current one, it was his special one, so he checked the other one he had. It was normal so he handed it over. "Here, a proper eyepatch for a pirate." The kid grinned and got help from Jane to put it on. Then he yelped and took it off to stare at it. Xander took it back. "Oh, that's leather conditioner. Sorry, Adrian." He cleaned it off then handed it back. This time the kid just grinned when he put it on. "There you go, proper pirate gear."
"Shiny kitties?"
"Sorry, didn't bring any today. They're waiting on me to travel tonight. They have to go visit some friends." Adrian huffed and pouted but oh well. "Sorry, I don't have any weapons on me."
Adrian noticed his meditation beads and came over to look at them. "Ooooh," he said, looking awed. He stared up and Xander winked before patting him on the head. "Booty?"
"Kinda," he admitted with a smile. "The one who had it wasn't using her gifts right because she had no idea. You can't have that shiny until you're of age or I have to give it up." Adrian pouted but Xander gave him a five dollar bill from his wallet instead. That let him go mug the snack machines for booty. Plus stuff for his bank of silver booty. He had a nice jar for that.
"He still doesn't understand change," Darcy quipped. "Most of that will go into his coin jar. He calls it his jar of silver booty. Pennies go into another bank."
"I do about the same thing but I use mine for things. That's the change I have leftover after the girls clean my pockets out on me." He handed over a sealed letter. "To go with the other one." He disappeared since he could hear the kid coming back.
"Were those beads a mystical artifact?" Jane asked quietly.
"Yup, sure were," Darcy quipped. Her son came in with his cheese crackers. "That's a good choice, son." She held out a hand. "I'll keep your shiny silver stuff until we get upstairs." He handed it over and ran out to see who was coming off the elevator. He was nibbing on one of his crackers, the rest had went onto his mom's desk until he wanted them. The new guard got a scowl but Uncle Tony had told him he had to let them pass without a toll or booty since they had to protect him and his mom. For that he'd let them not pay him. Until they failed and then they'd have to fix it and pay him! Then he could pour out his jar of silver and 'swim' in it that night. He did like doing that.
***
"I wish we had something that would take that sucker down," Clint Barton muttered as he shot off another pointless shot. The demon couldn't be killed by explosives or arrows. Unfortunately that's all he had on him since he was out to go take some target practice. Xander appeared and took off his eyepatch, handing over something bigger. "Are you the gun fairy?" he asked, taking it to fire off. The demon died with a scream of pain. "Finally!"
Xander grinned. "Nice shot. Next time, super puncturing in the breastbone area would work too." He looked at him.
"Are you the gun fairy?" he demanded, leaning on the missile tube.
"Not exactly." He winked and disappeared.
"Huh. Okay then." The rest of the team finally showed up. "Harris had something bigger I used," he called. "He said to hit the breastbone area next time."
Maria Hill stared up at him. "How did you get that?"
"Harris."
"How did he get it?"
"Out of his eyepatch." He shrugged. "No idea why."
"We'll find him and ask him later."
Clint snorted but did get down to ground level again. He brought the weapons tube with him. Stark took it to look at and then huffed. "No clue where it came from before his eyepatch."
"Probably someone scummy he had to beat." It got tossed into the jet's back area and they cleaned up their mess to go home. They found local CCTV footage to watch what had happened this time. Clint's attempts to defeat it were noted. Stark stared at Clint when the question was asked the second time. "That's very interesting."
"Yeah. No idea what's going on there. He's not really magical."
"What is that on his wrist?" Banner asked.
"Some sort of bead bracelet, like they do in some places for meditation," Steve said. "Isn't it?"
Xander appeared, staring at him. "It's a *huge* secret because the slayers will *whine*," he said then grinned. "I'm the vengeance demon over heros, guys." He beamed at Clint. "So yeah, often I am the weapons fairy. Just don't let the girls know or they'll kill me for not being human." He disappeared again.
"Shit," Clint muttered. "Okay then." He got up. "Let me go shower off and then forget I saw that." He went to his suite to giggle to himself. If anyone understood frustrated hero sorts, it was the one who handled things for slayers.
The others shared a look then nodded at each other because they didn't want to break that secret to the slayers. They'd hate to see the mess the girls made. And it'd mean more work for them. One of them would tell Lewis later so she could make a note for the kid later on.
***
To Be A Baby Daddy Or Not To Be A Baby Daddy, That Is The Question.