Willow appeared in the bar, grimacing at it. It was dark and it stunk in there. She never had understood why people drank. Especially not in places like this. She spotted Clint and walked over. "What're you doing, Clint?"
He stared at her, still drinking his beer. "I'm having a drink with friends, Willow. Why?"
"Because Xander wanted to know. Some guy called and said Xander wanted me to come here to save you from something." She stared at him. "What did you need saved from?"
"I don't. Xander said so?" She nodded, grimacing when he took another drink. "I'm well over the legal age to drink."
"It's not good for you and what if something happens while you're drunk?"
Clint shrugged. "Wouldn't be the first time. The first time that happened, I was in Poland and the only painkiller for the two gunshot wounds I had was really strong scotch." He finished that beer. "Guys, this is Willow Rosenburg. She works with the Council for those who don't know."
"Oh, we know," Stark said, staring at her. "Little Miss I'm So Perfect. By the way, Pepper wants to beat you on behalf of all the other redheads in the universe. Apparently you're giving them all a bad name."
"I am not," she sneered. "I'm a good witch."
"With problems," Natasha said.
"Everyone has problems."
"Yes, but yours nearly ended the world twice now," Stark said with an evil smirk. "For someone on the side of *good* you sure don't live there real often." She stomped a foot and suddenly all the liquor changed. "Put it back, witch. You're not our mommy. The same as you're not Xander's mommy." She stomped off but Natasha got her with something, knocking her out.
"I have the feeling Xander sent her so we could stop her from trying him," Natasha said. "That's what Coulson's text said," she told them when they stared at her. "They're on the mobile command plane and Xander had to shove it outside, which took out the power for a few seconds."
"Great," Stark said, nodding. "We really need to clean up some of the good guys. Or maybe reclassify them."
Thor looked at her then at Stark. "She uses magic like my brother?"
"She's supposedly a nature witch," Clint said. "She's addicted to the rush that she gets when she does magic. She lets her emotions override her sense. Often." He got up to get them another round of drinks. She had removed all the liquor in the bar so he called Giles to send it back. Not like the slayers needed it. It came back with a twinkle and an old biddy showed up to glare at Willow. "She tried to attack Xander again," he said dryly. "She's also slipping. Again." He brought the drinks over to their table.
Thor looked over. "There are many ways of training such gifts. How did she train?"
"She stole books," Clint said. Stark shook his head. "Then didn't read them. She flipped through for 'neat' things. She also doesn't measure for potions."
"How would you know?" the old biddy demanded.
"I've seen her do it." The witch backed off. He grinned. "I've seen her totally ruin a hair straightening potion by making it a lust potion. She substituted." The witch glared at her counterpart. "If you want her, keep her. She's causing problems again."
"You sound like that *boy*," she sneered.
"I know Xander. We're friends. Doesn't mean she doesn't do the wrong thing. I know terrorists who are better good guys than she is." The witch disappeared in a huff. "I guess that means we have to find someone to give her to," he told Natasha with a smile.
"If we give her to the director, we'll have problems with the rest of the Council. That will break the peace treaty and I'm fairly certain she'll be the downfall of SHIELD." She sipped her mixed drink.
"We could sell her into marriage," Stark said with an evil grin.
"Know any bad guy lesbians?" Clint asked.
"Mean but not evil. Pity." He sipped his own drink. "She's starting to wake up."
"If she was better I'd introduce her to my cousins so they could find her a good warrior to help," Thor said. "What is a slayer?"
"A girl chosen and given special gifts to fight demons," Clint said. "There's over six hundred right now."
Thor frowned. "Like a chosen warrior?"
"Yes," Natasha said. She pulled out her phone to find footage of a battle. "These are the slayers. The man with one eye is Clint's friend Xander." Thor watched it, scowling some. "They're stronger, faster, and heal faster. They also have instinctive knowledge of fighting abilities."
Thor nodded. "There are many of them but they are young."
"They are, but they're training to stay alive as long as possible. The oldest one called is twenty-eight?" he asked Natasha, who nodded. "Twenty-eight."
"She's a maiden warrior that long?"
"Not a maiden. She's dated a few very...predatory people in the past," Clint said. "She wanted people who could keep up with her duty."
"Interesting. I know warriors who would appreciate them." He handed the phone back. "I would like to meet these battle maidens."
"There's a battle in six days," Natasha said. "They've said they don't need help...."
"They're like that," Clint said dryly. "We all hate it but we step in when they need it anyway." He looked at Natasha. "At least Giles cleaned house after the attack in London."
"That is a good thing," she agreed. "Though Xander did not leave many of the ones that attacked him for being proactive with the slayers." She finished her drink. Willow moaned. "Do shut up before I knock you out again." She smiled at Clint. "Are you still mad at him?"
"Yup."
"Coulson has him."
"I'm sure Coulson had fun getting him too." He grinned. "He and I will have one of the rare fights when we run into him."
"You have a male wife?" Thor asked.
Clint laughed, shaking his head. "Xander is a friend. He's having some problems so I was traveling with him in Africa for about six months. Then I got injured and he found Bruce's clinic so dropped me there and managed to escape since I got recalled. I was going to bring him with me." His phone beeped twice. He looked at it. "Agent Hill said the command plane went down but Coulson said they landed on an island. Magically landed on an island." He forwarded the second email to her. She sent back a thank you. "Looks like someone needs her ass kicked," he said, glaring at the witch. Willow pretended to still be out. "Thank you for nearly killing people I consider like my family, including Xander, Willow." She flinched. "Thankfully he managed to save them all. I really need to spar."
"I don't do that nasty stuff," she complained.
Thor shook his head. "I will ask for things to bind a witch of some power." He went outside to call home. He came back with two warriors, who came to grab her. "We will watch her until this battle then the ones in charge may gather to decide her fate."
Clint smirked at her, waving some. "You have fun with the warriors. They know not to put up with your shit since they've dealt with Loki."
"I'm not sure which is worse," Natasha said. "One who does memory charms or one who takes over minds."
Clint looked at her. "She did it to her girlfriend to cover up her magic addiction. I consider abuse worse than possession."
"Hmm. Yes, I would as well," she agreed. The warriors dragged her struggling body off. "Are you better?" she asked.
"Xander banished the leftover taint before we went on break. It was really nice of him." He sipped his beer. A woman wearing a SHIELD uniform walked in, looking pissed off. "What?"
"Agent Barton, we're afraid there's some bad news."
"Coulson said that Xander landed the plane on an island."
"They're okay?" He nodded, showing her the email. "We need to find them."
"I'm sure we will." She nodded and left. He looked at Natasha. Who shrugged and found the plane on satellite. She sent in that information to the director, who sent back a 'thank you' and a 'we'll recover them'. She forwarded a copy of the email from Coulson. He didn't answer. "Fury?" Clint asked.
"Yes. He didn't know."
"The lifesign monitor probably got browned out by the magic," Clint said. "Mine did about six months ago. Some demon taunted Xander about Anya so he destroyed him. It died due to the blast of magic."
"I would do the same if someone was taunting me about my near spouse," Natasha said.
"Anya?" Stark asked.
"Xander nearly married her. Anyanka." Thor choked. "She lost her position and became human again. Her friends showed Xander how miserable they'd be so he left her at the altar. She got her job back, lost it again, then died in the final battle of Sunnydale." Clint finished his current beer. "That's one reason why Xander went to Africa the first time."
"I saw reports on her," Natasha said. "She was very interested in certain aspects of human life but the rest she let him handle it."
"Yeah, I talked to her before the wedding. I was the only one that gave her the shovel talk as Xander calls it." He grinned. "We spent half an hour of her talking about her love of sex. And then some more time talking about how money was just as good. I gave her a lesson in real women these days."
Thor stared at him. "She was a terrible punisher of men who had done wrong."
"She was a terrible punishment for Xander until he upped his stamina so she could have her six or more orgasms a day," Clint said dryly. Steve stared, mouth open. He had stayed out of the other stuff. "She complained a lot in public how she wasn't getting enough. Made him work overtime to buy her presents. All sorts of neat things. I tried to talk him out of proposing."
"Xander is nearly as stubborn as you are," Natasha said with a pat to his arm. He grinned.
"I thought wallet hunters were bad," Stark said dryly, gulping his drink.
"Anya was naive yet smart but also picky and nagging," Clint said. "The last time she had been human was as a viking wench."
Stark nodded. "Damn glad I never had one like her latch onto me. Pepper would've had to destroy her to get her off me."
"Anya was blunt," Clint said. "She might not have gotten all the deadly hissing that Pepper does."
"I wouldn't call it hissing," Stark said with a grin.
"Pepper's a very good slytherin," Clint shot back with an evil grin of his own.
"Yes, yes she is," Stark agreed, laughing. "She'd thank you for that."
"She's more than welcome." Natasha got up to get them another round. They all needed more mental lubricant.
***
Xander looked up at the feeling of magic, staring at his ex. "Anya, how did you get pulled back?" he asked her ghost.
"Willow."
"I'm going to kill her and every member of the Devon Coven," he decided, looking at Coulson. Who shrugged. SHIELD wouldn't stop Xander from taking out the witches in charge. "I'm sorry they disturbed your rest, Anya."
"I was bored anyway. They won't let me torture any more. I was having too much fun." She floated closer to him. "You're not happy." He shrugged. "You need sex, Xander. Orgasms would help that bad mood."
"I'm not really in the mood for it, Anya."
"They all considered it fun."
"Anya, beyond the rude factor of talking about it, some of us didn't. We didn't like being drugged against our will."
"You sound like a girl. They did too many bad things to you, Xander, and you need to fix it."
He sighed and walked off. The island was barely bigger than the plane. So he could do laps while fighting off the nagging that never seemed to stop. It took a while but finally he got fed up. "Go nag someone else!" he ordered with a point. "Before I turn you into a bunny!"
She sniffled. "That's mean, Xander. You know I think they're evil. I wasn't evil."
"I consider nagging to be evil," he said, staring at her. "You're approaching satanic levels." She slumped, giving him a hurt, pouty look. "Hey, go nag the ones that did it. They could use it. Just...quit nagging me!" He walked off again with a huff.
"We really do have to fix the stuff the girls did to my poor pookie," Anya said, pouting at Coulson, who shrugged. "Can't you help him?"
"I have tried a few times and I'll talk to Clint about helping him more."
She smiled. "They're very hot together."
"Not a consideration. Clint said unless Xander comes to flirt with him it's not going to happen again."
"Shoot. He really could use it. It'd calm him down." He nodded. "Fine." She floated off. "I'll go tell Buffy how much she warped my poor snuggly viking bear into a valkyrie instead."
Xander came back once she was gone. "I have patience, right?"
"It was over four hours," Ward told him. "I would've snapped after ten minutes, Xander."
He put his hands in his pockets while shrugging. "I train bouncy warrior teenage girls. I feel bad I threatened her afterlife with being a bunny. She thinks they're evil."
Coulson patted him on the arm. "I would've probably snapped sooner and done it without warning." Xander relaxed and nodded. "Do you want to talk about that?"
"No. I'm repressing like the best wannabe drag queen who's still in the closet." He walked off again.
"Okay, when you're calmer, we'll talk." He looked at his team, who all were shaking their heads. "He nearly married he but left her at the altar because they would've been poor and slightly miserable."
Ward nodded. "It's good he did it for her happiness." In his opinion Xander really needed therapy. A lot of therapy to get over what the girls had done to him.
Skye shook her head. "If I ever turn into that sort of nagging girlfriend, please put me out of my boyfriend's misery," she told Melinda. Who patted her on the arm before walking off to check the plane again.
Coulson's phone rang. "Hello," he said, walking back into the plane. "Yes, Director, we're all fine. Xander saved us from the witch-caused crash. The island's about a foot larger than the plane on each end and about four on each side." He listened. "It figures it was Rosenburg. She called back Anya's shade. He just sent her to nag others." He nodded. "Great. I'll let him know. Thank you, Director. That's fine." He hung up. "People, lock up stuff and grab what you really need. They're going to send us a quinjet to get back to a base then come fix the engines so the plane can come home." They nodded, going to pack things. He stopped Xander. "Thor handed Willow to an Asgardian set of guards. They're used to magic." Xander grinned. "She's safely out of harm's way."
"Thank him for me."
"You can if we run into him."
"Then I'll have to think back to her telling me how she wanted to do him as an offering." Coulson shook his head as he walked off. "Yeah, my feeling too. Even if she did call me a viking in the sack." He followed to grab his three things. He could easily travel with them. He had in the past.
***
Thor's hangover was not aided by the spirit that woke him up. He glared at her. "Begone, foul spirit."
She smiled. "You know, I used to think you were cute. You were only eighteen then but you were cute." He stared. "I needed someone to talk to who understood what life was like back then. Xander listened a lot but he's mad and he threatened to turn me into an evil bunny. So I can't go straighten him out anymore. Buffy went on a shrieking fit when I told her how much she had warped my poor pookie growly bear."
Clint walked in and threw something on her, making her shriek and fade out. "Saw it on tv," he said with a grin before walking off.
Thor thumped his head back onto the bed, shaking it. "I know not why I am tasked with witches at times." He covered his head with a pillow and went back to sleep. Hopefully the foul mood that drew such things would ease with some rest.
***
Xander looked up as the door to the room he was in opened. "You really have to let me go before something comes for me here."
Agent Hill shook her head. "Coulson said you're not allowed to escape."
Xander pointed at the dead demon body in the corner. "That's the second one in three days and it's twice the size of the last one."
She looked and called someone to pick it up for examination. "I'll let him know." She handed him a soda and walked off.
Xander sighed. He drank the soda and relaxed, considering the 'moving oneself' spell he had gotten off Ethan. It was really handy. Especially when larger demon appeared with a roar and tried to attack him with a huge sword so he moved them both and pulled his axe out to deal with it in the nice, open park. Full of people but most of them ran for their lives. New Yorkers were practical that way, unlike the people in LA who took film of it. The demon sneered and lunged but Xander handled it and kept going.
Agents showed up but they stared at the demon. "Gee thanks," Xander called. "Really." A few tried to fire on them but the demon blocked it. Xander looked over. "Why do I need shot for defending myself?" he demanded. "Mother fucking assholes! Even if it did make me sound like that cocksucker." He ducked a new attempt and slashed at the demon's stomach. It screamed in pain so Xander had gotten it.
It had an illusion on so you couldn't tell where the actual demon's skin was. He pressed his luck, getting clubbed on the side of the head - he ducked out of the way at the last second so it'd hit there and his shoulder instead. He groaned but kept going. Not like anyone else was there to handle it. He backed the demon into a tree and sliced it again, seeing blood this time. The illusion was wobbling. He saw where the head was and took a swing, getting clawed across the chest for it.
Xander sneered. "Not like you're the first." He shifted and swung again. A partial cut, enough to stun it. Another slice and it was dead. Xander stepped back, panting. "Lighter fluid?" he called. No one moved. He gathered some of his magic and snapped his fingers. The demon went up in a large flame. "Better," he decided. He took off his shirt to clean off his axe, looking at the agents. They all backed away. "I'm not going after you unless you're demonic?" They shook their heads. "Then next time, try to help, guys. Really." He grabbed the packs he had with him and walked off. He checked his wallet and found a cab to take him to a cheap motel. The driver gave him an odd look. Xander smiled and put his axe back. "Demon."
"You sure you want a cheap place?"
"Yeah, I'm on salary that's cheap for Africa, which means it's pitiful for the US, especially here. Besides, if pros live there it can't be that scummy. They take clients to the scummy ones and live in cleaner ones." The driver nodded, taking him to one of those. Xander paid and got out, getting a room so he could shower and change clothes.
***
Agent Hill saw the alarm start and checked the video camera for that holding room. She ran it back when it was empty, swearing as she called Coulson. "He escaped with the demon that tried to attack him." She hung up and went to check the room. He hadn't left his things, though they had his weapons backpack. Coulson walked past with it so he was going to handle the most problematic being there was.
***
Xander got out of the shower, wincing as he gently dried off his chest. The wounds were healing, a tiny bit. The healing spell in the shower had helped. He walked out to find Clint. He was wearing his sunglasses and a suit, staring at him. He had that look on his face again too. "What?" he asked. Clint looked pissed and a bit scary like this.
"Do you want to explain your running away habit?"
"You needed to go back to work. I needed to handle things. Then your handler got me."
"Good." He moved closer, staring at his buddy. "You drugged me."
"Only to sleep."
"I didn't think you'd do anything else, Xander. I know you're not like that. I've known that since we got drunk in Brussels."
"It took you that long?" It was a weak joke but kinda not.
"I was pretty sure of it before but if you didn't take me up on my drunken flirting I knew you weren't going to do anything mean to me." He stared at him. "Still, you knocked me out and fled."
"I didn't *flee*. I traveled to the next problem that needed my help."
"Also known as fleeing."
"Maybe escaping but not fleeing."
"You don't have to escape your friends."
"You were being all well-meaning but it was screwing up your career so I made sure you could do the important stuff. It's more important for you to do things with SHIELD than it is for you to follow me around to try to straighten my weird ass out."
Clint sighed, sticking his hands in his pockets, still staring at him. "You're a friend. That makes you more important than a job or taking out some idiot of the universe."
"Being an Avenger is more important," Xander said firmly.
"Eighty percent of being an Avenger isn't really important or I wouldn't have escaped a press thing to come nag you." Xander snorted, sitting on the bed. "Want me to find the bandages?"
"They're in my weapons pack, which Hill confiscated."
"I'll beat her ass myself," he said. He stared at him. "I saw the news report." Xander shrugged, still not looking at him. He made Xander look up at him. "You did good." Xander grinned and relaxed. "Have I ever nagged you like those girls did?"
"No."
"Then why were you expecting it?"
"I'm sure I'll be hearing it soon."
"Not from us." He sat beside him after checking the bed. "You good?" Xander nodded. "My apartment in Stark's tower has a couch."
"No way in hell."
Clint shoulder nudged him. "No one's going to bother you there. Including the director or Hill."
"Still, that's for Avengers and you guys. I don't do that stuff."
"Xander, that demon probably would've killed a bunch of people and if we hadn't been busy or you hadn't been handling it we probably would've been asked to take it out." Xander snorted, staring at him. "Really. Someone came in to try to get Thor to do it but then reports you had killed it came." Xander slumped. Clint gave him a one-armed hug. "C'mon. You can have my couch."
"I'm not invading the tower, Clint. Your friends probably won't like me. They were giving me dirty looks at the resort."
"They didn't know you."
"They still don't know me and I'm pretty sure I don't need more people thinking I'm normal."
"You have magic, you're not normal, Xander."
"According to the girls I am."
"Most of us are not girls. Except Natasha and if you called her a girl she'd kick your ass." Xander sighed but shook his head. "I get the point but you're not the normal guy among heros. I am but you're not." Xander stared at him. "It was good when we were two normal guys working together."
"I've mostly locked off the magic so it quits drawing things. Or Willow being mad that I'm stronger than she is."
"You can't do that. It's a gift."
"That is not what I consider a gift, Clint. Gifts are nice things as you taught me. Curses come with things like extended lives and surges you can't control and drawing things that want to kill you."
Clint gave him a real hug. "We'll talk about it after you get dressed and we go to the tower."
"I'm not..." Clint held up a finger, glaring at him from behind the sunglasses. "That's their space. I'm not one of them."
"I feel the same way so I tend to hide a lot," Clint said. "Until Natasha pulls me out so we can fake being heros too instead of assassins."
Xander shook his head. "It's nice for you guys."
"Not really. I feel like a kid playing dress up at Halloween." Xander shoulder nudged him back. "Still, it's a comfy, free couch. Much cleaner than here is."
"It's not bad."
"No, it's not bad but it's not free like my couch is."
"I'd still be intruding. I'd feel like a stowaway or something."
"So do I. We can fight that together." He patted him on the back. "We also have a nice medical kit on hand."
"It'll heal. I did a minor healing spell in the shower to make sure there wasn't anything in it."
Clint shrugged. "Still needs neosporin and bandaged." He put his sunglasses on top of his head, staring at the injury. "Might use some butterflies too."
"If I had my other pack," he said dryly. "SHIELD treated me like I was an imbecile that had gotten in their way."
"You saved that whole team and the plane, Xander. You're not an interloper and you're on the same side. That's all Fury's shit."
"Probably but it still happens."
"I know. Some day we'll have a different director and I'm hoping it's not Hill so we don't have more problems."
"The girls might like Hill in charge. The whole girl power thing."
"I thought most of the slayers hated Hill because of how she acts around them."
"They do but they also like having women in charge. They think it makes it easier for them."
"Some of them might but not all. They tend to be tougher on other women." Clint stared at the mirror that showed them. "Get dressed. At least we can go get lunch."
"I have nothing nice enough to match you in that suit."
"So? This is New York, we have delis. No dress code." He grinned. "Dress." Xander got up to get dressed. They left together and went to lunch. Xander managed to talk his way out of going back with Clint. Clint walked past Natasha, who huffed. "He doesn't want to have the same feelings I do and the girls gave him about being normal around heros."
She nodded. "That's stupid. You're not normal. Normal men miss." He grinned at her. "Where is he?" He handed over a card he had gotten from the motel. She grimaced but left to talk to Xander. Maybe a woman's touch would be better. She couldn't get in. Coulson was in there and talking down to him. She hid to watch it happen. Coulson could out-stubborn them all. He had a few times in the past.
"I didn't ask you to kidnap me from Africa," Xander said loudly, making her wince. "You did that all on your own. I warned you things came for me these days and I might be dangerous to be around. You didn't listen. Don't blame me for you being a jackass like your boss is. I was doing just fine without all this and it was a lot safer for everyone." He started to storm out but Natasha knocked him out.
"No, I do not believe you will get to throw a girlish fit and stomp off this time." She smiled at Coulson. "My car?"
"Fine," he agreed. "Maybe you can talk some sense into him."
"He is right. Things have come for him or you would still be on a mission." Coulson scowled. She stared back. "You would."
"That was Rosenburg."
"Who has attacked him like the demon earlier did. He may have a point about people attacking him." She picked up the bags and made sure it was all packed. Then she went to drive him back to the tower. He went onto Clint's couch, getting a smile from him for the delivery. "He's mad at Coulson."
"I think it's a good thing. He did kidnap him from another country."
"Point I suppose." She walked off. That was a philosophical point that she didn't really care about.
Clint got up to make Xander comfortable then went back to his reading. Xander would wake up sometime. As long as he didn't sleep teleport. Or turn himself into the tiny monkey again. That made it easier, Xander liked to be petted in this form. It was comforting to read while petting the Xander monkey.
***
Stark walked into Clint's apartment that night with a plate. "Bruce cooked Thai." He spotted the monkey. "Wow, you got a pet?"
Clint glared. "It's Xander's other form when he's sick."
"Huh. So is he like a monkey in real life?"
"Stark, don't make me punch you."
"Fine, sorry. Just wondering." He left, going to share that tidbit.
Clint looked at the tiny monkey, who was hiding inside his jacket. "No, don't do that," he said quietly. "Stark's an asshole. Anyone would tell you that." He picked it up to hold him, offering him some broccoli. "Thai food?" The monkey turned his head. "Hmm. You used to like Thai food." He ate it and winced. "What did he use?" The monkey chattered. "Yeah, that's bad." He put it aside and settled in to eat a granola bar instead. The monkey liked those too. When Clint started to feel really wrong, he realized what had been in the food and packed them up. He stared at the monkey. "Need you back to normal. Please?" he asked quietly.
The monkey seemed to shift then shrugged and sighed. He showed back up as human, grabbing his bags and Clint's hand, using that moving spell. They could handle this easier. Even though they were in LA. Xander looked around then at his buddy, shrugging. "No idea." Clint heaved. "Healers," he said, calling someone. "I need a healer for Clint. Someone tried to poison him. That's great news. Thanks." He hung up and got them a cab, paying out of Clint's wallet. Not like Xander really carried american cash. He led Clint into the demon clinic, nodding at a few he knew. He looked at the nurse until she stared back. "Someone drugged his food. He's been trying not to throw it up. It's made him dizzy and weak."
"We can see if we know what it is, Harris."
"Thank you." He let the healers take Clint back. Xander sat down to wait. The nurse stared at him. "Contrary to popular beliefs, I'm not with him," he said quietly. She smiled and nodded. Xander relaxed, making notes on his phone. It looked like he'd get to pay some people back for that. Which he was happy to do for his buddy. The healer came out to get him. "Do we know what it is?"
"It's a very strong truth serum," the main healer said. "He identified it and told us what the medicine is countered by." Xander relaxed, grinning some. "We have given him the counter and he needs to rest."
"He can do that. I can send him to the resort for a while."
"We have heard you broke out." Xander nodded. "Are you well?"
"I've got pretty good control using the methods the shaman taught me. Every now and then I get a surge but I learned how to tamp them down. I tend to leave it quiet and not touch it most of the time."
"Most mages are overloaded," the secondary healer said, staring at him over her glasses.
"I'm not like most of them. From the fish taint to the Rosenburg issue to all this plus shaman training. I never learned *magic*. I learned native rituals."
"That is different and I don't see the power that most mages would have." The secondary healer nodded. "Can you pull some up? We have two that need healing more than we can pull."
"Of course." He concentrated, letting his power come up. They siphoned some off so they could heal the others needing them. When they came back Xander looked up from sponging Clint's head off. "Anything I should know before I drop him off?"
"He will be fine with some sweating and rest," the head healer said. Xander smiled and nodded. "Though they may not appreciate him since you have spurned their intentions."
"Clint and I are buddies. We're not screwing and we're all pretty mad at the coven at the resort for making us screw while they had us drugged. I haven't been able to work my way through it since then either. If they're going to get pissed, I'm going to get mad right back." They smiled. "Just sweating?"
"He could use some good soaking time."
"I'll see if I can borrow Henri's cabin." He sent him a message, getting permission and 'I hope Clint's better' back. Xander smiled, thanking him. "Thanks, ladies. Two days on a train?"
They grimaced. "One day would be better."
"It's in Colorado."
"Fly in, take a train to the local area, or rent a car," the secondary healer said. Xander nodded. They let him take Clint out so he could buy a junker from one of the demon pawn shops; new vampires often sold off their old possessions to start their new lives with some cash. There were plenty of cheap, legal ones there. They didn't even try to gouge him on the price since the head of the pawn shop was a fan of Clint's. Within an hour, they were on the highway headed for Colorado.
***
Xander came back from setting up things, taking Clint out to the sauna/sweat lodge. He put him onto a bench and started it, leaving him water to pour over the hot rocks when he woke up. He set the thermostat and left him in there for now. He could handle that while Xander made the rest of the preparations. There was a small stream on the property, so Xander was giving it a small partial dam so Clint had a place to soak outside. It was pretty this time of year, not too warm yet and no snow or mud at the moment. He checked on Clint when he was done, finding him awake, sweating, and panting hard. Xander got him some water to drink then left him in there.
Clint gulped it, looking around. "I've seen him start a sweat lodge," he said. "Looks like the modern version." He poured the last of the water onto the herb covered stones. The steam hissed back at him and it was nice. It smelled a bit bitter but it was nice. He relaxed, letting it sweat all that stuff out of him. Xander delivered him water every once in a while and finally Clint felt like he couldn't sweat any more so he stepped out, shivering a bit in the cooler early evening air. Xander pointed at the soaking area, letting Clint climb into it to relax. "Do I need to do it again?"
"Not sure. That may depend on how much is left in you." Xander looked over from reading. "We have enough stuff to let you do that for three days." Clint nodded, relaxing in the cool, slightly running water. He rinsed out his hair, using his fingers to detangle it. When he felt clean enough he got up to take a real shower and lay down. He'd see how he felt in the morning.
***
Day three had Clint feeling whole again. Xander was still reading so Clint flopped down beside him. "You okay?" he asked Xander.
"I'm good but if I find out which one tried to drug you, or me, I'm going to kill them."
"You'd have to beat me there first," Clint said. "I'm pretty sure it wasn't Nat." Xander looked at him. "She was trying to make me happy and you happier by fixing all that."
"It's still a bad idea for me to be around people. As proven by the ones that attacked me at SHIELD."
Clint grimaced but nodded. "You can still be around people. There's ways to do it more safely."
"I don't really like most people anyway."
Clint leaned on his arms on the table. "Does this belong to an ex?"
"Yup."
"I'll thank him and try not to kill him when I run into him the next time." Xander grinned. "Thanks."
"Welcome. Go rest."
"I'm good." He yawned. "This is lack of coffee."
"Sorry, no coffeemaker. You can boil water on the stove and I picked up some coffee packets." Clint gave his head a nudge and went to do that. Xander went back to reading the book on shielding. Maybe if his was better it'd be safer.
***
Back in New York, Coulson was looking at his former team. It had taken him three days to find out what had happened that had made them both flee this time. He was a bit upset at that. "So let me get this straight. You decided to drug Clint and Xander's food to find out more about them?" he said. The few people still in the room nodded. "I had been mad that Xander ran off again but now I see why. You do realize that Barton is very sensitive to some truth serums? That most of them can make normal people deathly ill, much less those who are sensitive? That we have no idea what they do to people who have magical gifts? What would you have done if Clint had went into seizures?"
"We used a minimal dose," Bruce said.
"Yay," Coulson shot back. "Thankfully Harris apparently knew who to get him to so it could be handled. I'm hoping it's one of the nicer of his former lovers, one who's not out to kill Clint." They all flinched. "He does have enemies and most of Xander's lovers would still use him to get to Clint." He looked at the group. "From now on, don't go near Harris. We'd like for him to still trust some of us. He's one of the few beings that the slayers will work with outside their usual organization."
"I thought he still worked for them," Stark said.
"He's mostly retired. Their problems got to him finally." Stark nodded. "Any idea where they are? The last time Xander left to protect people he ended up in Africa for seven months, six of it with Clint following him to help him with stuff."
"Stuff?" Bruce asked. "I know Clint was injured."
"Yes, and the week before that Xander had been doing healing spells because they had to take down a hell goddess who decided to wake up and take slaves," Coulson said. Bruce winced. "Without a slayer's help since none were nearby. Xander even tried to lock Clint somewhere so he couldn't get hurt because he's highly overprotective of him. The same as Clint is of Xander." They both nodded. "If you had asked they might've told you what you wanted to know." He walked off. His disappointment was heavy in the room but oh well. He ran into Natasha at the elevator, she was holding Skye so she couldn't interrupt. "Do we have any idea?" he asked them.
"They left Colorado," Natasha said. "Xander bought a cheap wreck in LA. The site they were at had a noticeable sauna." She handed over satellite pictures of the grounds. "They left last night but we pinpointed that location because Harris left the tracker dot Clint had slipped into his stuff there."
Coulson nodded, looking it over. "Nice stream. So he helped him sweat it out you think?"
"That is the easiest way to get rid of that sort of drug."
Skye cleared her throat. "Why did Xander kidnap him?"
"He was helping him, Skye," Coulson said. "Banner and Rogers decided to dose them with truth serum and Clint gets sick from them."
"According to rumors, Xander took Clint to a demonic healer's clinic in LA," Natasha said. "They apparently helped him. We believe he got the car there. We can put out a call to have it stopped."
"No, we will not," Coulson ordered. "We'd like him to trust some of us, Natasha."
"He's running away again."
Coulson stared at her. "Maybe it's a guy thing but if I had been there instead of him, I wouldn't want to be around people either." She flinched back at that. "Or touch anyone else. The same way he's not. He's managed to get a good hold on his new gifts without anyone's help. We don't know how and I'm not really worried about how right now. I'm more worried that they've broken what little trust we have with either of them."
"I did not drug them," she said.
"No, he considers you the same way he considers me for kidnaping him from Africa to help with some things and to maybe get him a bit closer to healed."
"Am I missing something?" Skye asked.
"Yes, and you will not be informed of it," Natasha said. "It is personal." She looked at Coulson. "I can talk to Clint."
"I doubt that'll be wanted right now. They might pull a Thelma and Louise to get away from you." She grimaced. "I'll talk to them."
"Does he like you more?" she asked.
"No." He left, going to handle it himself. "Skye," he said once he was in the elevator. She hurried to join him. "Don't do anything with Harris' records."
"I haven't."
"Good. The last thing he needs right now is people who don't respect him or his skills. It'd take you too long to get up to that and he tends to not like women because they treat him funny." He got off the elevator, heading for the SUV. Ward was behind the wheel, waiting on them. Skye got into the back. "We're going back to the plane."
"We can go to the base, sir," he said, starting the engine.
"No. We want to keep Xander away from SHIELD. He'll kill the director if he tries to do anything. Or Hill. He has a distinct lack of respect and trust for most of us."
Ward nodded, driving off once there was a gap in traffic. "What about our team?"
"I'm not sure yet. We may be able to talk to him. I don't know what he and Clint have worked out." He rubbed his forehead with the hand that was resting on the window. Once they were back on the plane, he went to his office to look over the information they had. He could talk to Clint and have him calm Xander down. Though he was seeing why the boy was paranoid.
***
Clint looked at his phone then shrugged and answered it. "I'm not real pleased with any of you." He hung up. "Let Natasha stew for a few hours." Xander looked up from eating. Clint had insisted that he had to eat even though Xander said he wasn't hungry. "You better?"
"I was good before."
"I'm driving next leg."
"Sure. I have no idea where we're going."
"We're going back to New York."
"Why?"
"I need to be there eventually."
"Sure."
"We might need some help with things." He casually stole one of Xander's fries. He had ordered for Xander to make sure he ate something that qualified as real food. Xander shrugged. "You sure?" He nodded, taking another bite of the burger. "Thanks."
"Welcome. I don't want to see the world end either." Someone walked in and he sighed, sipping his soda. Clint glanced back then at Xander, who shrugged slightly.
The girl walked over, staring at him. "Buffy's way pissed at you."
"She can stay that way," he said, staring at the young slayer. "But why is she pissed off this time? No one telling her to stake the newest boyfriend?"
"No, we all have." She looked at Clint then at him. "Can we talk?" she asked Clint with a grin.
"Go right ahead. I've known Xander since just after he graduated high school," he said dryly, smirking at her a tiny bit. She gaped. "Clint Barton."
"Oh, you're *him*. Buffy's mad at you too for making Xander do soldier things."
Xander snorted, shaking his head. "Get it right, Bethy. I went back to Africa on my own. Clint followed me to try to get me to calm down about stuff. I do plenty of that all by myself and kept trying to keep Clint out of it."
"Which is some strange mimicking of what the girls did to you," Clint pointed out. Xander stared at him. Clint nodded. "Yeah."
"I didn't want you to get hurt."
"Because I'm normal?"
"No....," Xander said then frowned. "I don't think so." Clint nodded again, smirking some at him. "Crap."
"Yeah. It's either that or you're doing the 'my boyfriend must be protected' thing." He stole another fry. Xander snorted, taking a bite of burger. He looked at the slayer. "You can tell Buffy it wasn't my idea, I was following him to help him. That's what real friends do."
"I can do that but I wouldn't go anywhere near her or Rosenburg anytime soon."
"If I see Willow I'm going to beat her to death," Xander said. "She nearly crashed the plane I was on when she decided to attack me."
"She's in Cleveland," Bethy quipped. She smiled at him. "We'd like film of it."
"I'll get front row seats because I want to beat her for other reasons," Clint said with a grin. Xander smirked back. They looked at her again. "You can tell Buffy we're handling things."
"I'm not telling her a blessed thing," she said dryly. "I don't need screamed at."
"Tell her to find the next boyfriend sooner," Xander said dryly. "It cures that problem." Bethy blushed, making squeaky noises. "It does."
"I'm sure it does but I don't want to think about what she dates."
"Me either," Xander agreed. "Tell Dawn I said hi and I'm okay."
"Sure you are." She left, going to call from outside. "Hey, Dawn, it's Bethy. I just ran into Xander and Clint on purpose. Clint said he was following Xander, not making Xander help him. Xander said if Buffy screams again to get her laid, and that they're both fine but driving a clunker across the US at the moment." She hung up when Buffy snatched the phone to scream at her. "Wow, we need to send someone to her." She walked off so she could drive off. She had to get home before her mother worried.
Xander and Clint shared a look. Xander handed over the keys. "Don't even think about sending yourself somewhere else," Clint warned. "It won't stop any fighting and Buffy can't find you."
"She'll try. Which will mean we'll have to deal with Willow." He finished his burger. "I don't want to but it'll happen."
"We're going once you finish lunch." Xander finished and went to the bathroom. He came out to find Clint had paid and was waiting by the car talking to Willow. Clint looked over as Xander came out. He looked at Willow again. "Willow, he was there first. I followed because we're friends and that's what friends do when we're needed. All that stuff just happened around us so we handled it."
She snorted. "Xander can't do that stuff."
"Xander did plenty of that stuff during his first trip to Africa," Xander said dryly. "All by himself. That's how slayers got rescued and so did some others that needed help at the time." She glared at him. "Not my fault you're so damned determined to make me feel useless. Then again I have a ton more control than you do. Maybe you should work on that since you're shedding magic."
"I have perfect control," she sneered. "You can't tell because of yours being out of control."
Xander shrugged and lit up their auras. "Mine's contained. Yours looks like a tornado." She banished it and stomped over to get into his face. He stopped her. "Don't. Just...don't. Before I smack you around like you deserve, Willow fucking Rosenburg. You nearly killed me and the people I was on the plane with."
"So?" she sneered.
"If it had been a regular plane that would've been hundreds of people," Clint said. "Plus an act of terrorism. Though, since it was a SHIELD plane it's still considered an act of terrorism." He stared at her. "Watch me do my duty and send you to them, Rosenburg."
"They're nothing and need to stay out of slayer business."
"They do until you do things," Xander said. She shrieked and tried to hit him. He punched her. "That's for nearly killing me the other day. Should I start on the older ones that I need to beat you for?"
"Get in the car, Xander," Clint said quietly. "She's not worth losing your temper. Though, I'd like to beat her too. I'd have missed you and a few on the plane." Xander looked at him. "I would have." Xander snorted but got into the car. Clint stared at her. "Stay away from Xander, Willow. It's only causing everyone problems because you're an addict and you can't handle him being more powerful than you." He got in and drove them off. He had spotted the county sheriff coming up the road. He called in a report so someone could come save the locals.
***
Coulson got a report. "We have a witch going rogue in the midwest," he said as he came out. Melinda May was already correcting their course. "We're going to stop her fits, lock her down, and send her to someone to figure out what happened. It may be a natural occurrence thanks to a drugging or it could be a domestic dispute that got out of hand. No one's sure."
Ward handed over an email. "Barton sent it. It's Rosenburg."
Coulson looked at it, then called the cockpit. "Get us there faster, May. It's Rosenburg and who knows what she'll do." He hung up and read the contact report. "I'm impressed that Xander didn't flatten her." He put it onto the meeting table. "Any other good news?"
"Not yet," Ward said. "Are we tranquilizing her?"
"They don't work on witches. Especially that one." He led him down to the lab. "Fitz-Simmons, we need anti-witch gear for Rosenburg. She's trying to get free of a local jail."
"We have the null-field bracelets," Fitz offered, pulling them out. "It also nicely comes with a waist restraint belt and a collar if necessary."
Simmons smiled, pulling out two vials. "A tranquilizer that does work on witches. We used Xander's blood to test it against then looked at the samples in the system. It will work but may be a bit strong for milder witches."
Coulson smiled. "Good work. It should be a few hours."
"Put that tranq into a dart please," Ward said. "That way we don't have to get too close." They nodded, working on that. He and Coulson walked off talking about that. "What is her problem?" he asked.
"Rosenburg has a magic addiction. She's also got a strange superiority complex that's actually low self esteem in disguise." They went back upstairs. "It's like a weird 'I'm the goddess' thing with her but Xander's always been her whipping post. He protected her when she was young and from reports she used to try to mother him." Ward nodded. "By Harris' reports, she got magic after meeting Buffy and suddenly he was 'normal'. So therefore lesser because he was male and not gifted."
Ward shook his head. "Does Barton get that from the Avengers?"
Coulson paused. "I'd hope not but possibly some. I know he earned his way onto the team but now and then Clint might doubt. It's a good question." They walked into the meeting area. Skye was looking up the local maps for them. "Thank you."
"Welcome. She's done something to the sheriff's office. Satellite photos make it look like a huge plant."
"It's possible. She is a nature witch that did stupid things and landed into sorcery," Coulson said.
Ward looked confused. "There's a difference?"
"Witches use natural energy. Some use earth energy, some use more spiritual forms, we don't know too much about them. Sorcerers like Rosenburg usually use more ritual things or unnatural energy from somewhere. We've all thought that Willow was pulling hellmouth energy. She went from being a simple witch to doing things like a necessary resouling." Ward slumped, staring at him. "Angel. It's a huge file. Interesting read but huge file." That got a nod and Skye was looking it up for them. "We're fairly certain Rosenburg is no longer using simple witch powers. That she's stepped over the line to sorcerer. Harris ending up a mage, which is a higher class all together, has upset her fragile balance of 'I have power and Xander's less than me' so she's gone off the deep end again."
"Does he finally have control?" Ward asked.
"Yes. From what little we've talked about, he used the things he learned from shaman in Africa to gain full control of his gifts and consciously pushes them down. Which, again, comes in thanks to the team dynamic when they were younger. The agent that monitors the slayer's chat rooms said that Buffy was complaining about Xander handling things in Africa with Clint. Though she mostly blamed Clint for those and dragging Xander with him."
"When we know that Xander tried to lock Clint away from a few of them," Ward said. Coulson nodded. "Okay. How do we fix this outside of a lot of therapy?"
"I'm not sure if Rosenburg can't get around it. Her parents are therapists who write self help manuals." He smirked a tiny bit. "I got their licenses pulled a few years back because of their problems being passed on to Willow. I nearly had them on child endangerment and abandonment charges but there's no files from Sunnydale."
"If you warn the shrinks, they'll know how to get around her," Skye said. "They're used to cagey, smart targets." Ward looked at her. "You see a lot of them when you're a foster kid." He nodded once. She looked at Coulson again. "Is she going into the jail?"
"I do not know what SHIELD wants for her. If it's too strong, she'll be rescued. There's a fragile peace treaty between the Council and SHIELD. If we're too harsh on her, it would break that. Not that they don't want her fixed but they also know they need her help for apocalypse battles." The plane changed altitude. "Hopefully that means we're nearly there instead of her attacking us again."
"So that was the witch that attacked Xander," Ward said. Phil nodded. "Is he okay?"
"I'm not sure but I'm fairly certain if anyone can get him fully back to normal it's Clint. They've been friends for years. They've rescued each other. There's some sealed incidences that neither one will speak about, including some sort of drunken saving incident in Brussels. We have no idea what caused that one. Clint was on pre-mission setting up and suddenly there was a sealed file and a hangover of legends to hear him talk about it." He scratched his eyebrow. "All I know is that Xander saved him somehow and then they got more drunk. Then somehow there was a pack of succuba and a brothel involved." He shook his head. "No one's sure, even those two. Clint did the report while drunk and then made himself forget it and Xander doesn't remember anything."
Ward just nodded. "So them going on a supposed spring break style vacation to the Caribbean and getting kidnaped by Amazons that married them?"
"Apparently not outside the realm of normal for those two," Coulson agreed. Skye whined, shaking her head. "You both got to miss Clint saving Xander after one of his ex's kidnaped him and his slayer trainee of the time to marry him. He was making Xander work in his strip club before the wedding, which got invaded by demons at the end of it."
Skye looked at him. "Does Xander like women?"
"Yes, he does. The problem is that only dangerous ones like him. The director quit having agents follow Xander around on dates when most of them came back mentally cringing at some of them."
"Then the spirit that showed up, perfectly normal," Ward decided.
"Yes, mostly. Most of his other ones haven't been demonic that we know of." They heard the landing gear go down and went to the SUV. They drove to the police station, finding it being attacked by a large plant. The two lab geeks got out with a squirt gun that shot acid pellets. That took down the plant and they could hear Willow screaming at someone inside. Coulson held out a hand. "Tranq gun." It got handed to Ward. "Thank you." They handed him the spare dart in case he needed it. "Skye, stay. Come in if we need you. May, help them set up the sound machine." She nodded, taking the distracting white noise machine to put on the other side of the building.
He and Ward walked in together. "I'm Agent Coulson, this is Agent Ward, we're with SHIELD," he said quietly to the staring deputy. The deputy pointed in the back room. "Evacuate your people." He nodded, calling the others outside. He and Ward walked into the back room. Ward shot at Willow but she froze him. Coulson walked up to her, staring at her. "Willow, this is far over the line of what you should be doing," he said calmly and quietly.
"You're not going to do anything to me, you man!"
He stuck her with the sedative dart. "Yes, we are. Hopefully it includes therapy." She went limp so he caught her, putting her into a chair. Ward shook off the spell's effects. "How?"
"The protection Xander did for me. I had it inked on formally." Coulson smiled. "I didn't want that weakness with what we deal with." He looked at the petrified sheriff. "Can we help him?"
"I'm not certain." He called the Council. "Dawn, I need to speak to Rupert please. This is he, and yes it's about Willow. She's frozen someone in stone." She handed the phone over. "Actually it's not Xander, it's a sheriff, Mr. Giles. We are taking her into SHIELD custody and I'm going to suggest real therapy for her. It can only help." He listened. "I have no idea how to do that. Ward, try to see if you can help him break it." He took the phone to follow the directions. Nothing. May got called in with Skye. Nothing. Giles said he'd send someone out to handle it. They got Willow into formal SHIELD custody because Fury himself was landing his quin jet outside town next to the command plane. "Therapy," Coulson said, handing her over.
Fury looked at the witch then at his right hand. "Do you really think it'll work this time?"
"Yes. If the therapist knows that she's the daughter of two, it should." He smirked. "It can only help, sir. It might even break her problem with Xander that nearly got us killed and the one that makes her think she's the goddess."
"Point. Maybe. We'll be *gentle* on her. That way we don't have to tangle with Harris."
Skye handed over a report. "I got it from the deputy. She showed up to yell at them. Xander apparently decked her."
The director looked it over, smirking at the unconscious witch. "It's about time." He looked at it again then at Coulson. "Why is Barton with him? He got recalled to the team's little clubhouse."
"Banner and Rogers decided to dose Clint and Xander with truth serum, sir. Xander apparently evacuated them since only Clint was drugged." Fury winced. "They tried to say they wanted to debrief them about their trip. I made my displeasure known and I'm fairly certain Clint will be back there soon." He nodded at him. "Are you better?"
"I'm good. Xander went to hide again. He's upset with himself about Willow. Can I hit her just a few times?"
"When she's awake," Fury said. "That way she knows why you need to paddle her." He looked at him. "You good?"
"Better. The healers got it countered. Xander got me into a sweat lodge to get it out of my system. I'm okay."
"Good," Fury said. "Go back to the other idiots and kick their asses for thinking you're helpless."
"I'm going to," he said dryly. "It's about time I did." He looked at Coulson. "Going that way?"
"I thought the Hub," he admitted.
"Too dangerous," Fury said. "Take her to Beta base and drop her there. I'll send people to work on her idiot ideas there." He looked at Barton. "He finally hit her?"
"He's wanted to before but he had to remove the compulsion she put on him to protect her." He smirked a tiny bit. "He said he felt it snap and she did it before she got noticeable magic."
"So probably will based," Coulson said. "Interesting. Can any witch do that?" Clint shrugged. "We'll have to see."
"Hit the quin jet and don't hit the pilot," Fury ordered. Clint saluted him with a smirk and hiked over to it with his bag. He looked at Coulson. "You better?"
"I'm fine, sir, and I managed to get Xander to steal his weapons pack."
"Fine." He left, taking the file with him. He had the jet pause on top of Stark Tower, letting Clint rappel down, then landed at the base to handle the witch problem SHIELD suddenly had.
Clint walked in off the roof and stared at people. "Don't do it again. You have no idea how much harm you caused. Including that Xander doesn't *have* to help us if we need it." Rogers winced.
"His personality..."
"Is broken," Clint said. "He'll handle it if it's nearby. He's got battle burn out too, Doc." He smirked at him. "He might come if I'm in danger. The rest of you are screwed if we need magic since Rosenburg's in custody." He walked around them. "You both owe me sparring time."
"Sure," Steve sighed. "I didn't mean to make a mess of that." He flopped down, looking upset.
Natasha walked into Clint's apartment. "It took that long to detox you?"
"No. We were traveling. It helps and Xander fixed some things. Including punching Willow for some of her shit." He grinned. "She's going to be fixed if Fury has his way."
"It would be nice. He would come to help us during large battles."
"No he won't. Why would he help people he hates?" She flinched. "He'll be at Council emergencies. He'll be handling things around him. He might come if it's that bad and I need him. He said he's tired of battles, Nat, and I don't blame him. His whole life is now a paranoid mess because of his magic."
"If he had control..."
"He has perfect control. He has enough control to change how much he puts out and to handle things." She stared. "He learned in Africa. Again."
"That's good. Then the resort?"
"He's still mad at them. He went to renew the protections then left again."
"I think they wanted him to take them in."
"He would've protected them if they hadn't done that," Clint said with a small shrug. "Do you and I need to spar too?"
She shook her head. "I had nothing to do with that." She left him to unpack. She would be amused by watching them spar. It was long overdue for him to stick up for himself.
***
Xander looked up from the bench in the Central American jail he was in, shrugging at the look Hill was giving him. "They had the local slayer hostage. Is she okay?" It had been a long few weeks without Clint.
"She's fine even though she told the locals to fix their own issues, she was tired of saving people like them." She looked at the file in her hand. "A few of the problems you handled in Africa have complained." She looked at him. "A few consider you a warlord that needs to be put to death. A few consider you more dangerous."
Xander nodded. "I'm sorry about that but I'm not a warlord. I don't have an army. It's part of the definition."
"They don't really care, Harris. They're scared of you." Xander stared at her. "Not even for the new things you can do."
He shrugged. "I handled things as they happened. How many of them are trying to cover up a demon event?"
"Two out of the fifteen."
"The rest are corruption related?"
"All but two," she said, smirking at him. "The other two you took out the popular one."
"They were causing problems. If I walk into a village that's under attack, I'm going to help the villagers."
"Which is what both of those were. Thankfully you had kept Barton out of them." She held up the file. He took it to look over, shrugging and handing it back. "They can hand you over."
"They can," he agreed. "And I can get out of that." She stared at him. He shrugged. "I can ask for a favor. I'm owed a few. I'm owed two wishes to D'Hoffryn's people. She gaped. He stared at her. "I planned on saving them for major emergencies. I'm not against working in my own interests though. I'm not suicidal."
"Are you sure?" She shifted her weight. "You took on a compound full of armed, angry men who hated being saved by a young woman."
"With a sleep spell," he said, smiling at her. "It does help."
"It would," she agreed. "It didn't catch all of them or you wouldn't be healing a graze."
He looked at his arm then shrugged. "I've got a few others too and had worse on dates, Hill." She stared at him. "I have."
"It doesn't shock me that you have," she said. She cleared her throat. "What do you want to do about this? Fury wanted to take you into custody to give you a reformatting to clear those officially."
"Two of the Security Council aren't human," he said quietly. She gaped. He smirked. "Sure, I can come in, let you guys bandage things, then disappear. Maybe dinner too as long as you don't try what the assholes did."
"They'll never do it again. Barton kicked them around for it."
Xander nodded. "That's great but I already knew I didn't belong there, Hill. Clint and I had a fight about me going there with him because I knew I didn't belong there. A hero I'm not."
"Yet you save people," she said.
Xander shrugged again. "I don't like seeing people die."
"You're an anti-hero?" she snorted.
He nodded. "Pretty much, yeah. See, growing up around a hero, I'd never want to be one. Who wants all that shit piled on their lives? Especially with a destiny or higher beings who want to control you. Being a slayer sucks ass, Hill. You've seen it happen and I've seen it happen more often. We've seen the Powers That Be work to actively screw up a few of the slayers for their chess games for control of things. That's what happened to Brenda, and why I stepped in to save her."
"She's still in a coma."
"And it saved her," Xander said firmly, staring at her. "I *saw* what they had planned for her. Which I told Giles and Buffy. They both thanked me for knocking her out so they can't."
"That's bad," she decided. "Fine, you're an anti-hero." Xander nodded. "That's at least cool."
"I gave up trying to be cool in high school," he said. "It doesn't work for guys like me. Never has, never will." He grinned. "Besides, that's like a status thing and I gave that up long before meeting Buffy. Kids like me don't get status even if we end up millionaires. We're an abnormal blip on the radar and can sometimes be looked up to for it but we're outside all that status stuff the real higher ups crave. They crave status and recognition. I just crave a hershey bar right now."
She snorted but had the locals unlock the cell. "We have pudding in the infirmary." Xander shrugged, grabbing his overshirt so he could follow her. "The local slayer?"
"I sent her on enforced vacation to the regional head house in Brazil. She could use the beach time. I hope like hell the locals are prepared to deal with the large demon that's been slowly moving this way for the last two years." He grinned at the sheriff that had tried to beat him. "You have fun with that since you didn't want a slayer's protection. Call us if any of you survive." He got into the jeep in the backseat, relaxing. "Did you get my bags?"
"Yes," she said patiently, driving off. "Even your weapons bag."
"Thanks. It was nice Coulson got it to me." He stretched and winced a bit. She looked back at him. "They tried to prove they were more macho."
"Broken?"
"Bruises. Nothing broken. The healing spell got them this far."
"Good to know. Can we test that?"
"Not like I can just call it into being on nothing."
"I'll see if we have a patient we can test it on. Maybe Barton will have injuries."
"Their battle was today?"
"No, but he's been knocking sense into rookies. I'm sure he's got a few bruises."
"Sure, if I can. Healing's kind of an iffy thing for me sometimes."
"We can see," she decided, taking them to the airport. The helicopter was waiting and she got them on there. The pilot had stored Xander's bags in the cargo hold so Xander got to nap on the way up.
***
Coulson walked into Xander's temporary bunk room, looking at him. "You good?"
"I'm fine."
"Don't give me the answer you'd give the slayers, Xander. I need the real truth since we're going to test your hand-to-hand today."
"I'm still not great at bare-hand fighting." He stood up and looked at himself. "I'm good enough."
"Okay," Coulson agreed, taking him to the gym. He saw the minute Xander realized who he'd be sparring against. "I can ask for someone easier."
"I've taken down bigger and badder than him," he said quietly. He looked at his buddy's favorite handler. "How honest do you want me to be and do you want me to treat him like I would a slayer emergency? I wouldn't normally go all out with a human."
"He can take it," Coulson said. "If it gets too much for you, just give in." Xander nodded. "He's a very good fighter."
"So were a few vamps, Coulson."
"That's why I set up this test with him." He smiled. "I know you can do better than I think. We need a *real* set of levels so we know what you'll do if you jump into a battle."
"What makes you think I'll jump in for less than the end of the world?"
"They handle that stuff and we know you'll be there for those. The rest, I don't expect unless you're nearby." Xander nodded, relaxing. "Go warm up." Xander walked into the sparring room to stretch and take off his t-shirt. Coulson watched. Xander was stretching his arms and shoulders as he walked over. Steve was watching the younger man. Xander attacked first, something that wasn't in his usual profile, but it wasn't a great one. Steve smirked and attacked back, and that's when Xander stepped it up. Within minutes Xander was bleeding from a split lip and had an ankle that was swelling but he was still going.
"You can give up," Steve said.
"Give up isn't in my dictionary and I've fought badder than you," Xander panted. Then he moved back to do something else. Rogers at least yelped as his rib broke. The fight got harder and Xander somehow ended up with a dagger. Steve grabbed a weapon off the wall. That helped and Xander was better with a weapon.
"Shit," Clint muttered over and over as he came up the hallway. "He doesn't have a give up switch, Coulson." He walked in there and tossed Xander a staff. "Xander, fight to a draw," he ordered.
"I'm good," he slurred.
"Yeah, sure you are. You don't have a give up switch, Xander. He won't be dying like the bad things because you know you shouldn't kill him." He moved closer. "Go to a draw," he said more carefully, staring at him. Xander nodded. "Like you do with the cocky slayers."
"I can do that," he agreed, switching the dagger for a staff. Steve got his own and it was back on. Xander was at a higher disadvantage but he had fought with worse. Clint was in the corner. He could hear Coulson order to have a medic team on standby. Xander looked bad. He was still fighting though. Then Rogers seemed to give in a bit, give him an opening. Xander didn't take it but shifted out of the way. The demon that appeared got killed by Xander then he moved back to the original fight.
Rogers stepped back. "Hold, Harris." Xander spun the staff and attacked again. He blocked it, looking at Clint. Who didn't step in. So he kept going. Xander did get him onto the floor a few times. They were both exhausted and bruised. Then Xander stumbled. Magic came up and Clint stepped in to get between them. Xander didn't attack him and let Clint help hold him up. Steve Rogers looked at Clint then at Xander. "He's spunky and you two are a lot alike," he said quietly, patting Clint on the arm. "He's good. He's one of the better I've seen without a formal style."
Clint nodded. "I knew that." He walked Xander off. Xander struggled. "Hey, no, it's over with," he ordered. "It came to a draw, like with the slayers." Xander shook his head, getting free and throwing the dagger at something only he could sense. It bounced off the body a few inches from the wall. Steve pulled a gun and shot it. Still bouncing. Clint got the bow in there and used it. They had wooden practice tips. Less bounce. Xander attacked and his axe came into his hand.
The demon appeared, laughing. Clint called out for a silver weapon. Xander fought it until it died, panting as he leaned over. Clint walked over, helping Xander up. "Bending over makes it worse. Trust me." Xander was gulping air. "Let's go hit medical. I'll clean your axe," he said, taking it from him. Xander whined. "It'll be in my hand, Xander. Nowhere else. I'll sit in there beside you and clean it." Xander nodded, still reaching for it.
"No weapons on the infirmary," the medic reminded him.
"Shut up," Clint ordered. "He's not an agent so he gets perks." He followed the gurney, settling in with the cleaning kit Coulson gave him for the axe. They got Xander bandaged and stitched, then put him into a bed to rest on an IV. Clint leaned closer. "See, still have it."
"Keep her for now." He yawned. "I don't want her to disappear into some lab."
"I'd never let them do that to her, Xander. The same as I wouldn't let them do it to my bow." Xander nodded, falling asleep. He tried to wake when Clint moved so he stayed there.
Coulson walked in, handing over some metal polish. "That should help with the carvings. I noticed some tarnish."
Clint looked at it and nodded, wetting down a cloth to go over the tracings on the end of the handle. "We good, sir?"
"Director Fury was impressed. Rogers is highly impressed." Clint grinned. "He's got admiration for him. He also made the connection that you two are a lot alike." Clint nodded, still grinning. "When he's better, we can do the paperwork to get him out of those warrants in Africa."
"Why are there warrants?"
"Some covering up demon events, some corruption, sometimes he fought the ones people liked." He handed over the folder.
Clint slowly shook his head. "I was at most of those."
"Yes, but you're covered by SHIELD even though you weren't on an assignment."
"Then again, two members of the Security Council are demons," Clint said, staring at him.
"Possibly," he agreed. "I'm not the conspiracy theorist in SHIELD."
"Tell him to bite me and Xander," he said bluntly. "We're not pawns."
"I'll let the director pass on that message. He did wonder about a few of them." Clint nodded. "I don't have reports on most of them, Clint."
"They're locked on my cloud drive service."
Coulson smiled. "Thank you. Does Natasha have the passcode?"
"No."
"May I?"
"No." He called it up on his phone and sent those events to the local printer. "That's those and only those."
Coulson nodded, going to gather them and read them on the way to the office. "They were right to handle those things," he said as he walked in. He looked at the glaring people on the monitors. "I've heard two of you are demons. You are Council compliant?" One choked but he knew it wasn't her. He looked at the others, smirking at two. "We can check."
"That *abomination* will be ended," one hissed.
"Hmm. I wasn't betting on it being you." He looked at the director, handing over those files. "On the incidences noted in the warrants."
Fury read them over then glared at the Council. "Shut up." They gasped. He put them onto his desk. He saw the twinkle and smirked at one of them. "Nice trick."
"It changed the originals and the memories of the brat," she said smugly.
"I doubt it changed both of them's and Xander's fairly immune to memory spells. He has protections thanks to Miss Rosenburg's past misdeeds."
"She's nothing," she sneered. "A mere pissant pretending to have power."
"And yet, she's not," Xander said as he limped in. He let his powers come out, letting his aura come out. "Neither am I." They all gasped, staring at him. Xander smirked a tiny bit. "She was sucking off my powers for years and the hellmouth hid it." One was shaking his head. "Oh, yes. Me. Just the normal guy. Until Willow pissed me off for good."
"You're a danger to the world," one sneered. "Director Fury, take this being out."
"No. The guy's protected people for years. He's still doing it. I'm not taking out the only person who can take down Rosenburg if she goes rogue." He stared at the kid. "I know he won't give me any problems."
Xander stared back. "I think that's the other way around since you're the one with plans we have to work around." He looked at the Security Council, smirking at them. "The New Council of Watchers has a peace treaty with Director Fury and his assistant AD Hill. They don't do anything that would get us in their faces like trying to take slayers out or recruit them. We won't take them down and turn them all into pets." He waved a hand and the screens showed a few dogs, a goat, a toad, and one demon.
"Aww, can't your species change," Xander cooed, staring at it. He smiled and waved. "Bye-bye. Have fun on your home realm." The being screamed as he was sucked out of his room and realm to his original one, which had been destroyed. Xander looked at Fury. "Next time, ask," he complained quietly. "Not like we want to deal with those assholes. They have more plans than you do." He limped off. "I'm going to find a hotel."
"Go back to your bunk, Harris," Fury ordered. "It'll protect you until we can get those warrants removed." Xander shrugged but did as ordered. Fury took a deep, calming breath. This was bad. It was very bad. He looked at the pets then at Hill since she was in the doorway with Coulson. "I think he lost his temper."
"I think he's just done," Coulson said. "That was his version of 'I'm done'."
Fury nodded once. "He could use some time at the resort."
"Unfortunately the coven there caused a huge problem and Xander doesn't feel safe there, sir," Coulson said. "That's why he went to Africa and Barton followed."
"I get that. I don't know what," Fury said. Coulson showed him the private report he had taken. Fury grimaced. "No wonder."
"Since then he's not been able to do a lot of things beyond being angry."
"I get that. Especially since he's not that sort." He considered it. "Therapy?"
"Clint."
"That was a good reason. Make sure he was paid for that." Coulson nodded he had. Fury considered it. "Can we remove them?"
"We found out that most of the resort's staff was involved."
"Great." He grimaced. "The others?"
"We agreed it wasn't our fault, no one blames anyone, and it wasn't anything but a drunken night of mistake," Natasha said from behind Hill. "Why are we discussing this since their side could be taping?" Fury pointed. "They have assistants." She came in to hack into their systems to remove their footage and saved files. She paused at the one that got sucked home, smiling. "Nice." She finished up and looked at the director. "We do not blame him."
"I wouldn't," he agreed, turning off the cameras. "He is?" She nodded. "That figures. He's a good guy underneath. The sort we could never break into being an agent."
"He's a lot like a child between Coulson and Barton," Hill said.
"I'd have been honored to be his father," Coulson said. "He stepped in to save people without any training but he knew it was the right thing to do." He looked at Fury.
"Let them go back on their roadtrip. Once we clear up those warrants."
"Use Rosenburg," Coulson said. "That way we know what she can do and she sees what he can do."
Fury smiled. "I like the way you think, Coulson. Where is he now?"
"In his bunk with Barton still watching his axe," Hill said.
"Good. Make sure they can stay in contact." Fury considered it. "If they make a go of it, good. It'll be calming for both of them." Hill nodded. Coulson smiled. "Can they?"
"Don't know," Coulson admitted.
"Well, don't prompt it or anything but make sure he knows we'd accept it for him." He waved a hand. "Let me have a headache in peace, people." They left him alone. Fury sat down and shuddered. It could be worse and have his other assassin involved but she might contain some of the chaos those two caused together.
***
The Second Act of CHAOS.