Stopping the Weird With More Weird.
Agent Keen hated to be doing this particular calling for information but she had to. She was the one it was delegated to. So she was back in Chicago, knocking on a certain door. Andrew walked past her and opened it with a grin for her, leaving it open. "Are the twins here, Mr. Wells?"
"First, I'm Andrew, just plain Andrew, because I'm a rock star in many ways," he quipped with a grin. "Secondly, yeah, they're asleep in the lab the last I knew. Guys, the pretty lady agent's here," he yelled down the hallway.
Alex stumbled up, blinking heavily at her. "Who did what to what now?" he mumbled, blinking at her.
"Get some coffee, Alex. I need to ask you a serious question."
Andrew handed him some coffee then poured the other twin some since he heard him shuffling up the hallway. "Should I go see what they were tinkering with?"
Alex grinned. "The stuff we used to design with Jesse."
"That's cool. Will his parents want a share of any profits?"
"They're all gone," Xander said as he wandered in slowly. "There may be a cousin but his parents died without a will. I had to file a request to get some pictures of us." He took his cup of coffee to drink, looking at her. "You're way too serious for this early in the morning."
"It's nine," she said with a smug look. "Not that early, boys." She stared until they had finished their first cup of morning goddess then laid the pictures on the table. "Which one of you was that?"
Alex looked. "Neither of us. The hair's wrong. He's too tall." He pointed at one guy. "We're his height. We've danced with him in the past when sparring got silly and we're the same height."
She blinked. "Seriously?"
Xander nodded. "Yeah." He leaned down to stare at it. "That's gotta be a prosthetic mask." He looked at her. "Though that's taken in lower India. That's the slayer house behind them." He pointed at it. "We helped put the armory into it because she needed something specific we had to buy on the way." He poured them all more coffee, handing her a mug too. He looked around. "Bring me a cellphone," he called. One of the flying robots brought one out. "Thank you." He called someone. "It's Xander. Yeah, I'm sitting here looking at those. No, they have him being taller than Dumont. We're the same height. That's also near Aria's house." He sipped while listening. "Please. That's creepy. I know we're not triplets. Thanks, man." He hung up. "There's two options. One is Warren," he said, looking at Andrew.
"If he wanted to build an evil you to use your contacts, he probably could have. His girlfriend was good enough to be hard to tell," Andrew said, sipping his coffee. "The ones that're working with their group would've been able to get him the stuff he needed and he knew enough about you to do a few things."
"If it's a human it's got to be a special prosthetic," Alex said. He took the phone to call someone. "It's Harris. We got asked about a picture we were never in with people who're trying to be us." He listened. "That's interesting. No, we can easily do that. Thanks." He hung up and called another number. "Can you please put on the hotty one instead? Thank you." He blew a kiss at Agent Keen, going out back.
"What the fuck is that idiot trying to do?" Alex demanded quietly. "I know damn well it wasn't us. He's taller and he's moving wrong." He listened, nodding once. "Any idea where they came from? Ah, thanks. No, just let me know if you find out it's a robot. Chicago. Sure, we'll gladly accept that special delivery. Thanks, Maria." He hung up and walked inside. "Maria captured him. He'll be here tomorrow." He sat down. "She thought he was us too until things started to go wrong."
"So we'll know tomorrow," Xander said with a nod. "Until then, are we butting into the problem in Central America?"
"The girls can fight that newly woken goddess."
"Yeah but not the ones that woke her," Xander said dryly, staring at his twin.
"If you have something we want to test," Andrew said with a grin.
"Yup," the twins said. "We can do that." They texted the slayer team and then the witches. "ETA an hour. Let us go change and gather a few things to help with that problem." They walked off together, one grabbing clothes for them while the other packed weapons. Ray came in to interrupt but he could help them with it. They got taken together and were back home an hour later. They were smokey around the edges, Alex had a bit of crispiness next to his shoulder. Ray was groaning and shaking his head. Xander looked pleased as he ran the tape in the video camera. They had one case left so Andrew took it back with them. The twins high-fived. "It worked," they cheered.
Ray Vecchio looked at his insane charges then at Agent Keen. "I thought the stuff they tested before was strong."
"Goddesses and Gods get special weapons," Alex said with a manic grin.
"They're special so they get the special things," Xander agreed, walking off with the last weapon.
"What caused the smoke?" Agent Keen asked.
Ray Vecchio looked at her. "The goddess had a pet dragon. I kept them from bringing the thing home. Diefenbaker couldn't get along with it." He walked off to shower and change clothes while swearing about the twins being worse than Fraser.
Agent Keen tapped out a text message to her partner and waited on the twins to come back.
An oily, greasy looking man in a formal black tuxedo showed up. He had a black shirt under his tailed jacket. He was wearing black gloves on his hands. His snake skin shoes were shiny black. The twins squealed when they spotted him, grabbing him to hug and kiss. He smiled at them, allowing them to molest him that way. "Boys." They grinned at him. "Maria asked me to please bring you this bad boy wannabe?" He opened the box and let them get the idiot out of it. "Do have fun with him."
Andrew looked then flicked the guy on the forehead. "Alive so probably not Warren."
Alex looked and peeled off the mask. They grinned at the guy. "Cute plastic surgery scars, dude," Xander said with an evil grin. "Thank you, Joe."
"You're welcome, boys." He looked at Andrew. "Didn't you work with the slayers?"
Andrew nodded, grimacing a tiny bit. "Then Willow got down on me for being more techie and in better control of my magic than she was." He sipped his coffee. "Now I tinker with the twins."
"That's reasonable. She's a horrible punishment on the men of this planet." The twins cuddled and kissed him again before he got to leave. He left with an evil smirk on his face.
Agent Keen took their prisoner with her. That let the twins get the rest of the stuff out of that crate. Maria had sent them a sweet care package. Including a few new sex toys.
"Is she related to Anya?" Andrew quipped.
"Only in the bedroom," Alex said with a smirk. "Very nice to us too."
"Didn't demand orgasms like Anya but she really liked them a lot." Andrew nodded, helping the haul stuff where it needed to go. Ray was still swearing about Mounties being more normal in his room so they were clear to eat the good chocolates that had been included.
Agent Keen walked her prisoner out of the elevator and to their unit's interrogation room. "He had plastic surgery and a prosthetic to make him look like one of the Harris twins. He was trying to get them known as warlords." She walked off once he was locked to the table.
"What did those two do in Central America?" Deputy Director Cooper asked, looking interested.
"I have no idea beyond them talking about a newly woken Goddess. They disappeared with a few things and came back smoking, sir. Said something about a pet dragon."
Cooper shook his head with a sigh. "The State Department wanted to know."
"I'll gladly give them their address." She smiled.
"I might take you up on that." He limped off. "Someone find out why this one wanted the twins to be warlords. It may be related to that problem trying to discredit them."
"He refused to speak any language once I arrested him. The ones in Chicago couldn't get him to talk last night either."
"Samar, go talk to him," Cooper ordered. She nodded, going to talk to that man. She had ways of making men talk. Agent Keen noted what had happened, handing in that short report. She timed it well, Reddington came strolling off the elevator a few minutes after she was done. Cooper came out to stare at him. "What were they doing in Central America?"
"A goddess got woken up. She was cranky with the archeologists and the locals. They saved them, mostly." He looked in the interrogation room, nodding. "That is Philip Malicka."
Cooper smiled. "What field is he in?"
"Annoyance. He's always wanted to be like the twins but he's failed miserably most of the time. He can't draw like the twins do, or tempt like they do." He walked over to Liz with a smile. "Good morning, Lizzie."
"Morning, Red. Did they take out that dragon?"
"She's back asleep. The weapons were used on the militias that showed up to take out the natives, the temples, and to cover up the problems. They ran for their lives. The twins talked her into going back to sleep after hiding her temple by magic. Then the locals decided to let someone do a memory spell on them to keep them safe. The militia thought she'd have *gold*."
"Ah," she said with a nod. "Are they okay?"
"They're fine. They've gotten someone called in by Maria, who sent the wannabe in there to them. Maria was most fond of the twins." He smiled. "Everyone who knew her said that Maria was like their former fiancee, but nicer and more interested in the rest of life as well."
"What?" Ressler asked.
"Anya only really cared about money and sex to hear any of the stories about her," Red said, smirking at him. "At least when she was human."
Ressler shuddered. "I looked up what she did. That was nasty."
"Yes, but on purpose," Red reminded him. "That was the only protection young women had before abuse laws became more than a good idea."
"Did someone take her place when she lost her job?" Liz asked.
"Yes," Red said with a smile. "She answers to the same title of Anyanka, but her name is Terriney from what Alex told me."
"Hmm." She nodded. "Good. Does she do a lot of work in the US?"
"We have protection laws, even if everyone doesn't always follow them," he said. "One of Anya's last deeds was to turn some bad example of manhood into the only flush toilet in the village because he beat his wife for not putting up the seat for him. The twins say he's still there and operational."
"Just...kill me if I ever have one that calls her on me," Ressler begged. "Please just kill me."
"I know torturers who think the vengeance demons are a bit too out there," Red said. "Especially Halfrek when she was her original instead of her replacement that one's been a bit nicer and less messy." He cleared his throat.
"How bad was she?" Liz asked. "What was she over?"
"Lost childhoods, Lizzie. You remember that sensational killing in New Jersey a few years back?" She gagged but nodded. He nodded. "That was the original Halfrek. The new one would've been less...messy." She held up a hand as she walked off to get control of her stomach.
"Someone please kill me if I ever earn their attention," Ressler said, looking at Red.
"If I can," he quipped.
"Thanks." Ressler looked around then at him. "New blacklister?"
"Two, they're twins who aren't named Harris. Not nearly as interesting either."
Andrew looked at Angelica, the new engineer that the twins had hired. She was blushing but texting because the twins had a guest who was getting giggly and loud. He shrugged. "They're used to loud. Their former fiancee got *real* loud, all the time. She used to walk around demanding orgasms." He pulled up a video on his phone, showing her. "That's the one they nearly married."
She watched, blushing brighter red. "She's...definitely loud." Andrew smiled but nodded. "Wow."
"She died in the last battle in Sunnydale. They got back to being friends at least." He put the phone up. "Guys, aren't we doing work today?" he called. "It's too noisy to go work in the lab." Up the hall, a door slammed and it got quieter. He grinned at her. "They do take blunt hints." He led her down there to go over the weapons designs. The twins were the only ones that could touch their tinkering with Jesse stuff. The weapons were great to work on. It gave Andrew all sorts of evil ideas. He could definitely turn into the greatest evil geek ever.
In upstate New York, a revived witch was chanting in the center of a protection circle. She knew what she wanted to do, and it would help the cause. The one she was calling on would help because that demon hated the slayers. They would take out some of the support behind them so they were easier to handle.
Agent Keen dialed a phone one handed. "I don't know what happened, Ressler, but something's going on. Cooper's possessed." He bucked under her and she forced him back to the floor. "I'm having to try a third exorcism. I have no idea what's going on. Get the twins for me please?" She hung up. A minute later her phone rang with an audio file. She frowned but ran it since it was from Andrew Wells. It was a chant in Latin. Deputy Director Cooper went limp with a moan. She could almost see a fog drifting away from him. "Thank God," she muttered, getting off him. "Sir, do you know what happened?"
"Someone sicced the demon on us so we'd go against the slayers." He sat up with her help. "I ache, Keen."
"I understand why. Do you know if anyone else is affected?" He shook his head. "I can get Aram to put the exorcism over the building." She got up, going to find him. He was tied to his chair with Samar glaring at him. Elizabeth restarted the audio file, making him wince and hiss as the demon was driven off. He sighed, panting hard. "Better?" He nodded, snatching her phone to broadcast that chant over the building. "That's what I was going to suggest. I freed Cooper. Samar?"
"I'm fine," she said. "I have a tiny protection on me." She looked around. "Ressler?"
"I called him. Asked him to get the twins to send me the right exorcism. Andrew Wells sent that file."
"He's hacked into our system," Aram complained. "I'll have Ressler checked." They checked the rest of the building. Only one person stomped in to complain about the chanting but then someone who wasn't freed tried to attack them. A bullet to the knee stopped that idea. The pissy one backed down.
In Chicago, Reddington was staring at the twins. "Boys, you're in the way," he said, pulling out a gun. "I don't want to do this..."
"Then don't," Alex quipped. Xander threw something on him while Alex pulled out their emergency beacon. Dembe tried to interfere but he could go with them. They disappeared, landing in the safe compound the orphaned mini slayers were living in. The sixteen girls, ranging from toddler to young teen, ran out to see what had happened. "Someone's summoning demons to possess people we know, ladies. Let us free these two then you guys can learn from them." The twins grinned but depossessed the duo.
Alex grinned. "Red," he said with a point. "Is a *great* dresser. He's got better style than Buffy or Faith. He also knows about weapons and tactics." The girls squealed. "This is Dembe, he's Red's bodyguard and he's a very good fighter, ladies."
"Can you guys protect them until we can figure out what's going on? That way they're not in danger? Red's *really* important and one of the guys that helps us find stuff that you ladies need." The girls were already dragging them off to learn from them. They hardly ever got visitors. Ones that had style, could help them put together outfits, and could spar with them was a blessing in huge ways. It was like Christmas presents in their boring, safe lives.
The twins shared a look before disappearing. They went back to their work area, calling on one they knew that owed a poker debt. They stared at the demon that appeared. "What the fuck?" they demanded together.
"The witch asked for the slayer's support people to be possessed," the demon said with a shrug and a grin. "You two are too protected. So is Andrew thanks to you two." He winked at Xander then disappeared.
Alex looked at his twin, who shrugged back. Then they sighed and went to find someone who could handle Amy Madison for them. They would've called Willow but she might destroy humanity at the same time. They did warn her so she could check the Devon coven for possessions. The witches would take it from her easier.
A few hours later in England, a group of angry elder witches were holding a talk over tea that held more brandy than tea leaves. Someone had done something very wrong. They had to pay. They had to pay hard since they were a witch. She had broken laws and Rules. The zombie she had made was going to go at the same time because that was another unnatural rule that she had broken.
Xander strolled into the bar he wasn't supposed to be in, smirking as he walked over to one of his former lovers, pulling her up to kiss her. "That cult group that wants to take us out called on demons to possess agents," he said then kissed her again. She moaned. He leaned her on the table, having her right there. "I had to waylay someone and his bodyguard by giving them to the mini slayers." She let out a louder moan. "The girls are *loving* having Red at their beck and call."
"Oh, god, and torture too," she moaned, getting off from that. He grinned, pulling back to put his dick back in his pants. She gulped some air, eyes half-closed. "Are you in evil mode?"
"Yes, we are," he said with a smug look. "I might even have to start gathering the cult to our magnificence." He winked at another former lover, who swallowed hard. "I'm keeping Alex from overreacting grandly. He and Andrew have been plotting." She moaned, shivering at that image. He stroked up her leg, smiling at her. "You're good, thank you." He looked around. "Fair warning, we're going to be *naughty*." He strolled off.
"Roscoe, go get him," one of the guys in the back ordered. "Before he turns out most of the city's underground." His guard ran to gather the twin so they could chat. The twins were very good at chatting. Someone bought the poor woman a drink. She clearly needed it. Xander got carried in by Roscoe, getting put into the bigger figure's lap.
The thug at the next table looked over. "Xander, which one of you is the original?"
He grinned. "Alex. He decided he had changed too much." The thug moaned but nodded. "He's talking to other lovers."
"We can easily calm him down too," the overlord holding him said. "Roscoe?"
"I'll gather him," he agreed, calling some help to do that. Alex really was the meaner of the twins. Him being the original explained a lot.
Alex smiled at the woman walking into the tea house, standing up so he could pull out a chair for her. "Mr. Kaplan, pleasure to see you," he said, shaking her hand.
"Alex, why did you call?" she asked, sitting down.
He pushed her chair in for her then sat down, pouring them tea. "There's a few things that have been going on that no one's seen." He pushed over a small journal with a smile, handing over the plate of cookies. "Sweets?"
"Please." She read, sipping the tea. "I'll have to remember this. That is an excellent blend."
Alex grinned. "That is the Watchers blend. The owner's a sister of a former one. It's meant to stimulate your taste buds and mind but calm the stomach."
"Ah." She went back to reading then stared at him. "Where is he?"
Alex grinned, nibbling on his own cookie. "Safe." She glared. He blew a kiss. "I made sure they're both safe. Nothing there should get near them. The girls will protect them. They even finished the exorcisms for us."
She stared then gulped some tea. "One of the girls?"
"Yes. A few actually. They're protecting them as a favor to us."
"That's mean, Alex. He's not used to children."
"These ones are asking his opinion on shopping."
"I see." So it was very subtle, mentally painful torture because he had been mean to them. She poured more tea to sip. She finally looked at him. She had learned long ago not to underestimate people like her boss, which the twins definitely were heading toward. "When can we have them back?"
"When they escape the girls." He smirked. "That way they know when they're ready to be less safe."
"Oh, dear." She stared at him. "Alex, you know about his family."
"You know the slayers aren't like other girls."
"True." She sipped her tea, seeing the evil plan. "Why call this tea?"
"So you're not alarmed. That way no one gets in trouble. Agent Keen's basically locked herself in her motel room." Mr. Kaplan nodded, grimacing. "Also, to pass on some information." He pulled an envelope out of his shirt pocket, handing it over. "I believe she'd like to know that. We're still waiting on her to introduce us to some nice agent sorts."
Mr. Kaplan read the note, grimacing at what it contained. "Mr. Reddington would appreciate that. Thank you, Alex."
"Not a problem. You know we adore you guys."
Mr. Kaplan nodded, getting back to her stomach-soothing tea. It was a good day for it. She had no idea how to get her boss free of the slayers.
Ray Vecchio walked into the twins' house, slamming the door. "Boys, let's talk," he yelled. "Right the hell now."
"We're being good boys," Andrew quipped.
Ray looked at him. "I just had a talk with the captain over Organized Crime's task force. I doubt that for some reason," he said sarcastically.
The twins came up from the lab area with Angelica behind them. "What's wrong, Ray?" Xander asked with a grin.
"What are you two doing?" he demanded. "It sent shockwaves through the local bad guys. Even the gang kids are worried."
"The group against the slayers had a witch. She called up a plan to possess a lot of slayer support people," Alex said. "Not us but the others. There were a lot of possessed agents and the like."
"So we had to fix it but punish them while making sure that things didn't collapse," Xander added. "That way the status quo is maintained with some stability. No new major bad guy plans. No major plans from either side."
"The coven took out the witch that did it," Alex said. "They were really offended they got possessed by succuba." Andrew burst out giggling, leaning on the counter. The twins grinned at them then at Ray.
"We were being good boys. It's not our fault they got wet from us being ourselves." Xander strolled off. "Angelica, did you look at the generator plans yet?"
"I've been looking at it all morning, Xander." She looked at Ray. "Is it a huge problem?"
"They made the guys who run the underground in town want to own them," he said. "So probably more dating."
She sighed but nodded. "I heard about that." She went back to her workshop area. This didn't concern her. She knew the twins were good boys who weren't in the underground.
Ray stared at Alex. "No more," he warned. "You made cops panic."
"Did they decide to want us too?" Alex asked with a grin. "Then realize we only draw dangerous and deadly pretty things?"
Ray snorted. "No, that's not why they got worried, Alex."
"We still won't sell that sort weapons." He went down to his work area to pound out his sword's dent some more.
Upstairs, Ray reported what had started off all the panting and new suit buying among the underground. The higher ups still weren't amused but they realized they couldn't really fault the twins for protecting them from demons. Andrew settled in to nibble while working on an idea in the kitchen. He had a work area down there but the coffee pot was up here and so was the kitchen. He liked the kitchen, now.
Agent Ressler knocked on the main Council's door, smiling slightly at the slayer that opened the door. "Is Slayer Faith here please? I'm Agent Ressler with the FBI. I think she knows where someone I need to talk to is," he said as he stepped inside.
The slayer blinked at him. "It's really early for a patrol cleared slayer, Agent Ressler."
"I thought ten would've been a good hour. When would be better?"
"Probably closer to noon or one. She didn't have patrol last night but she still got to bed at five."
"I can come back then. If she gets up sooner, let me know?" He handed over his card. "I can go get coffee. Thank you, Slayer Kinella."
"You're sweet," she said with a grin. "How big of a bad guy is it?"
"We think the twins set two people with some of the girls to protect each other."
"That must be whoever's with the mini slayers at their safe area."
Agent Ressler winced. "We have no idea where that is."
"Exactly. I'll have Faith call once she's aware enough and has talked to the minis."
"Thanks." He went to get coffee, sending in an email. No one in any government knew where the mini slayers were hidden for their own safety.
She went to talk to Giles, since he was in the kitchen. "There was a really nice, sweet agent who wanted to rescue the guys that the twins put with the minis to protect each other." She put the card on the table. "He asked for Faith."
Giles grimaced. "Do we believe he's a danger?"
"No. The twins described him well. He works on a special task force taking out people that want to date the twins."
"Ah. Wonderful of them finally doing something about that sort." He sipped his tea. "I'll let Faith call when she gets up."
"I warned him it'd be at least noon." She skipped off to go use the gym.
Giles shook his head, calling the twins to see what had happened. He got Andrew, who told him. Giles was happy Andrew was safely still guarded while having fun creating new things with the twins. It was good for the boy.
The base in lower Virginia was about to be raided. The FBI was mad that these sort were taking out the slayers. Especially since it endangered them while making them do extra paperwork. The dirty agents were toast. The others were even bigger toast. The raid had agents from agencies that no one could identify plus the bigger ones. This was going to be a huge mess. Thankfully, the demon news networks had seen it going on and was covering it so the right ones could stay out of the way. The demons didn't want that plan to go on either. Peaceful demons liked the slayers being strong. It kept them safe too.
One of the demon reporters walked up to an agent, clearing her throat. "Agent Ringleader, sir, what are you going to do about the magical protections they have up?" she asked, holding her microphone but not at him. It gave her a legitimate reason for butting in to help the humans solving problems for the demon community.
He blinked. "You're a reporter?"
"We do have our own networks, yes." She smiled. "There's a good few protections on the compounds. Probably including some alarms."
"Do you know where? Or how to cancel them?"
"There's definitely a warning on the road, about a mile from the gate. That one shines at those of us who can see magic. Which I am not. I have a special alert pendant for that sort of spells." He nodded, grimacing. "But we did hear that the Devon coven was just as mad at them."
"Thank you for that help, Miss. That's very good of you."
"Can we follow you?"
"As long as you stay out of the way, so outside the gates. We don't want you hurt either," he said.
She smiled. "Of course not. We'd hate to fall to those sort." She left, leaving them to deal with the new problems. It had been a good, subtle thing. Plus maybe it'd get their network more subscribers when agents started to watch it.
The agent in charge looked around. "Someone find the coven's number? Or at least the number for the main Council house?"
"We have two slayers here in case they have demonic hostages," a lower agent said with a point at them. "They volunteered shortly after we got here to stage."
The agent in charge walked over. "Miss Summers, Miss Kenyata." They smiled at him. "The demonic reporter just said there's magical protections?"
The slayers shared a look then shrugged at him. "Not our thing," Buffy said. "We call Willow for that."
"Can you call someone less dangerous to take them down?" Buffy scowled. "We worry that she's not able to handle something like this."
"She was there when we went into the original battle with the Initiative. Plus all the other hellmouth battles," Slayer Millie said. "She's a fussy thing but when she has to she'll do it then cry on her cats."
"Then that would be great if she could come take them down without letting them know they're down?" Buffy sent her a text message, getting Willow a minute later.
Willow was tucking in her shirt. "Yeah, I can make it look like the earth leached it back by creating a spell a bit away." She walked off, heading to find a spot that needed some healing. The spells around the base bled into hers to power it. The agents got the news and headed in to raid this group of paranoid morons. This was going to be nasty.
Especially when they found the ones the group had hostage. Mostly higher demons. One very high demon that sobbed on Buffy. Millie was holding a weapon but the demons ignored her weapon to cuddle her.
Buffy looked around. "Do we need to help any of you get back to your protective, staying out of humanity's way enclaves?" she asked. A few glared at her for that hint. "I can call the twins to come help."
One sighed, smiling at her. "We love watching the twins work, Slayer Buffy. They're so cute."
"Are you a chaos goddess?" Buffy asked.
She smirked. "No, dear, I'm a moon goddess to most. They do such great things under my time of day." Her sister nodded.
"Let me get the twins here to help get you guys home," Buffy said, calling them in. "We found hostages who are sighing over your panties." She hung up.
Ten minutes later Willow appeared with the twins and Andrew. They came in to talk to the demons, knowing most of them by name at least. A healer got called and they arranged to get them home. Red wouldn't mind his plane being used for that. Much. He'd like them to be safely out of the way too. The agents were taking notes on who the demons were, what they were supposed to be worshiped for, and what sort of powers they had. It'd help later agents who had to work around their hidden temples.
When one person rushed in shooting, Willow held up a hand to stop them. She sighed, staring at the bad girl. "I don't want to hurt humans," she told her. "I really don't. Don't make me hurt you. I don't want to be a bad girl anymore."
Xander shot the bad girl rushing behind the first one in the thigh. "I have no problem with hurting her sort of bad guy. They're the sort that kidnap us to try to own us. Or to torture us to get weapons. We don't like their sort."
"That one's not our sort and too weak to be one of our bad girls," Alex agreed, bandaging another goddess' arm. "There, that's better. Solid?" he asked her. She nodded, kissing him on the head. "Remember, don't leave drool or we'll draw hellhounds again," he teased with a smile.
"Good point. Though you are sweet." She cuddled him.
"Hey! Pass over the knights! I could use a cuddle too," another one complained. So the slayers, Willow, and the twins got passed around to be cuddled. Andrew had two goddesses that were talking to him about how to set up computers for their temple. They wanted wifi service.
The watching agents were horrified but amused. The Council was weirder than they thought. It was a bit creepy how the scary demon goddess sort was using them as teddy bears because they were upset.
Roque walked onto the base first, nodding at the agent manning the gate. "My team got summoned?" he demanded. "The rest of us are coming."
"Yes, sir, we need your team to make sure the scary goddesses get home and the Council people as well since the scary goddess and gods are using them as teddy bears. The agent in charge wanted them to be safely home so they weren't endangered by anything."
Roque stared at him. "What?" he demanded.
"Sir, I saw a demon that started a civil war in Sri Lanka grab Buffy to cry on earlier," he said more quietly. "It's disturbing that the demons are using the twins that way. Or that they're using the two slayers we had helping that way. Please get them all home for us? We know we can trust you around the slayers. That's why we called on your team." Clay walked up to them. "Colonel."
"Let's go talk to them. The twins can help us get them home," Clay said. Roque gave him a dirty look. "It's helping. We can help."
"We're helpful sorts," Pooch agreed as he and the other two got out. Jensen and Cougar followed. "Let's go arrange for them to get home." The agent led them to the agent in charge. Who showed them the room the hostages had been kept in for their own safety. They had found numerous bombs set to demon taint around the base. The twins had hummed but taken them apart for them. Pooch nodded. "Let's see what we have to work with. I'm not sure if we can fly some at their size. Most planes aren't that large." They went in there to talk to people.
"Hi, Colonel," Slayer Millie said with a sigh of pleasure. "Cougar."
"Hey, Jensen," Alex called. "We're borrowing Red's plane. He doesn't need it right now."
"Is that the guy that the agent came to ask Faith about?" Buffy called from her spot being cuddled.
The twins grinned at her. "They're guarding the minis while being guarded," they said in unison.
"The girls are even finding fashion advice because Red's a really snazzy dresser," Xander quipped.
"That's evil," Willow complained. "Don't make me pull out the holy water, boys." The goddess cuddling her gave her a squeeze to calm her down. They could bring Willow back with them. They had some ancient magic she could learn. It might teach her other lessons too.
Buffy looked at the staring agents. "I'll ask the minis to let them go when we get home." The agents smiled at her for that.
"We have no idea who they're talking about," another agent said.
"He's working with an FBI team," Xander quipped.
"Faith said Agent White Guy was nice to her," Buffy said dryly. "Kinda cute but in a jock way."
"That's probably Ressler," Alex said. "He's on that task force. His partner is our sort of lady. She said if she finds one like her she'll even introduce us."
"That'll be nice," Buffy said. "You could use good girls to date."
The commando team nodded but got to work on getting them out of Virginia before something happened. They even nicely let the demons keep Willow and Buffy for now so they could look over what they had stored in their temples. Old books and old clothes interested those two.
Jensen walked up to a door, knocking on it. He smiled at the mini slayer. "Hi, I'm Corporal Jake Jensen." He played the video of him playing with the twins in the backyard. The girl let him in. "I came to talk to your protectors, Diedra. The twins had to rescue a lot of higher demons being kept by the bad guys who had them possessed."
"I'll ask the head of the compound, Corporal."
"Call me Jensen or Jake, dear. I have a niece about your age." The girl ran off. Jensen didn't even realize that he had set off their paranoid 'bad guys are trying to take us' things. He woke up tied to a chair with Reddington telling the girls he was all right. "I didn't mean to worry them. I came to tell you about what happened."
Red stared at him. "I'm still going to spank the twins."
"They could use it," he agreed with a smile. He grinned at the girls. "It's good you girls know to protect yourselves from strange people. I'm not mad you tied me up." They smiled and decided to keep him for a while too. Especially when the rest of his team showed up to try to rescue him. That way they had a lot more guys to talk to, learn from, and crush on in a few cases. The twins were so good to them.
It took a week for someone to miss the commando team. They were wanted to go somewhere backwoods to shoot someone. When no one that had 'borrowed' the team could find them they put out call to the others who had been at the base raid. Only one had an idea. Agent Ressler pointed the general at the Council.
Giles answered the door since the slayer yelled 'it's the military here to take us hostage again'. "Yes, General?" he asked with a smile. "Was my slayer correct?"
"No, Mr. Giles, she was not." He stepped in. "We are presently looking for the commando team that sometimes helps your girls with their battles. They were at a base raid with a few agents recently. We know there were a few of your people there?"
"Oh, yes, the group that was against us so trying to make plans to take out most of the slayers. Buffy and Willow are still dealing with it as far as I know."
"No, Mr. Giles, the base raid went off well but now we're missing a commando team. Would you have any idea where they might be?"
"I'm hoping the two slayers and Willow are with them." He walked off humming. "Let me call Buffy's phone. She's never without it in case the younger girls need her." He tried calling. Out of range message. He considered it, calling Andrew. "Andrew, it's Rupert. Do you have any idea where Buffy, Millie, Willow, and a certain commando team are?" He listened.
"I see. The commando team didn't go home with them? Ah, that's why they're there. That's good to know. There's a general here wanting to know where their team is?" He took off his glasses to rub at his eyes. "Andrew, that's rather mean. Are the twins in an evil mood for some reason?" He listened. "I see. I'll see if we can find a few of their former dates to calm that down. They have? Six. I see." He sighed. "I have no idea how to solve that. Yes, getting them.... Let me ask Myra. Give me a few minutes, Andrew. Thank you."
He hung up, dialing another number. "Your team is with a few others being guarded by the mini slayers we have in hiding. Let me solve the bigger problem first. "Myra, Rupert Giles. The twins are in an evil minded mood that even their past dates can't solve." He smiled. "That would be most appreciated. They've had six dates over and it hasn't been solved. Thank you. Andrew is there, he's working with them now while they design weapons. Thank you, Myra. How many do the minis have beyond that team?" He listened.
"Ah. All right. Yes, please do talk to them about not keeping them hostage to give them advice like big brothers or to be drooled upon by the older girls. Their bosses are here looking for them. Thank you very much, Myra." He hung up and sighed, cleaning his glasses again before putting them back on. He looked at the waiting general. "They're with our mini slayers that we've got hidden for their own safety. Slayer Myra said they went to tell the girls they could release the ones they were...protecting after they got possessed." He looked at him. "They should be released by tomorrow."
"Thank you, Mr. Giles. Where should we expect them to appear? I know they won't be able to say anything about your mini slayers."
"Indeed. I have no idea but I'm hoping they show up here with the two slayers and Willow."
"Do have them call in, Mr. Giles. Thank you for your time. I hope you get the twins out of evil mode soon." He nodded politely and left to tell his higher up. They had thought the twins were goofy, not evil.
Giles called the twins' shared phone number. "Do come talk to me, Xander. Thank you." He hung up. The phone rang. "Rupert Giles." He listened to the female tell him that the twins were a bit tied up so they couldn't come for that chat. He'd be able to see them in a few days. She hung up. Giles sighed. The twins' dates were mostly amusing, but he was sure she couldn't get them out of evil mode if the others hadn't been able to.
Myra hung up and looked at her minis. "Ladies, Giles said you have to give up the commandos. Their bosses apparently want them."
The minis all pouted, clutching their favorite hostage. With seven hostages, only a few had three minis to them: Red because he knew how to dress them, Jensen because he was a lot like the twins, and Cougar because the bigger girls all wanted in his panties or his hat. Pooch had one slayer on him because they didn't understand cars at all and he was married anyway. That one liked to talk to his wife Jolene so that was sweet of her.
Clay looked at the two minis on him then at Myra. "I can extract us so no one could track us back to the girls," he promised.
Red looked at him. "I can do that same thing plus get us back to the US."
Myra smiled. "The twins haven't said it's safe." The girls squealed, hauling Red off to the closet to help them pick outfits. They dragged the others with them to help.
"Ladies, I know nothing about fashion," Pooch complained. "I only wear BDU's or whatever my wife puts on me."
"Jolene could help. We can bring her," one of the younger minis suggested with a smile.
Pooch stared at her, shaking his head. "Jolene's gotta raise the baby. Sorry."
"We love babies," one of the older girls cooed. "Babies are so cool. Some day we'll have babies for the twins to protect."
Clay nodded. "If at all possible I'm sure you will. Hopefully they won't be more than normal kids so they don't have the same stresses you girls do." They all hugged him. "Ladies, please get off me?" he begged.
One of the four-year-old girls smiled at him. "Hugs make you feel special. The twins taught us that."
"They do but guys like me don't get hugs. Sorry, precious." He was keeping in the screaming fit he wanted to throw at the twins. Barely.
Jensen picked her up to cuddle. "My niece is great because I taught her how to cuddle. Her mom's not the cuddling sort." He walked her off talking to her about his niece. The girls squealed, he could get them a new friend they could chat with. It was lonely being them sometimes.
Clay straightened himself out, looking at Red. "What do you want for that favor?" he asked quietly.
"It's mutually beneficial." They got hauled off to the closet again anyway. The girls were determined to dress better than Buffy ever had. They loved their senior slayer like a big sister but she wore bad girl skirts on patrol and that was dumb. The guys all agreed with them.
Xander looked up from floating in his pool of chocolate, accepting the help up so their current 'host' could play with his coating. Alex was somewhere in the honey bath. You could hear him moaning all over the bathing room of the resort. Xander got led to their host's friends area, laying down where they wanted him. The girls giggled and put on a show licking him clean for their mutual host. It was good to be a twin. Alex was led in so the rest of the girls could have his coating. Their hosts were amused and happy with that. Sure, they were very bad people but the twins could handle that little fact later. After they were licked clean by the girls they had to rescue from these people sellers.
Andrew showed up at the mini slayer house, staring at the mini that answered the door. "We need them to help us make weapons for the older girls to use next week."
"The commando guys can make weapons?" she asked, eyes wide.
"The twins aren't with them?"
"No." She shook her head, smiling at him. "We haven't seen the twins at all, Andrew. We love the twins, but they're not here."
"Crap. Okay, can I have the commando team to go rescue the twins?"
She pouted. "But they're helping us be better girls and slayers."
Andrew gave her a hug. "You can have them back later. I can't rescue the twins by myself, Amanda. I'm not like the twins. No one can mistake me for a warlord." She giggled, running in to get the commandos for him. Reddington and Dembe followed. The girls were all sniffling and pouting but it had to happen this time. They could kidnap them later. "Colonel, the twins are missing. I thought they were here. There's a battle in two weeks. I need the twins to help us make stuff for it."
"Any idea where they are?" Clay asked.
"I thought they were here. They were in super evil mode. I know they were going for some cake. Even Vecchio can't find them. It's getting creepy."
Reddington pulled out his phone to call someone. "Who has the twins? I need to thank them for saving us from being possessed." He listened. "They're...what now?" He sighed. "Thank you." He hung up, looking at Andrew. "They're dealing with the people selling coeds who flirted with them."
"So you can stay since they don't need rescued?" one of the tiny minis asked, eyes bright. She smiled up at Roque. "I can play with your knives again?"
"They'll need us to help them get the girls help," Red said, patting her on the head with a smile. "I can send you more knives, Amara. You all need to learn all the weapons you can." She squealed and pounced him to hug around the waist then ran inside to tell the others. The girls reluctantly let them go to save the twins. They were using their planning skills to figure out how to kidnap them again later. They were in the classroom doing it on the blackboard. "Where's the plane, Dembe?" he asked as they hurried off.
"Cairo. Someone used it to take a group of demonic goddesses away from the group in Virginia that had them hostage." Red paused to look at him. He shrugged. "It was helpful? They took a few slayers and Rosenburg with them once they had been saved."
"I'm sensing a geek plan," Pooch said, staring at Jensen.
"Not mine. We were there when the gods and goddesses got sent to their safe havens away from the group of morons that was against the slayers," Jensen reminded him. Red stared at him. "That group against the girls had a bunch of them hostage. They were cuddling the slayers and others to calm down the sniffling. The agents got so creeped out they called us to help move them."
Red held up a hand. "I don't want to know. We can charge the twins for the gas used and the cleaning costs in case they left any demonic DNA in my plane." He got into the car that showed up. Behind them Andrew was giggling. They could deal with the warped minds later as well.
Clay led the way into the 'arena' as it was called by the locals. All the bad guys were worn out, napping on each other in handcuffs. They looked like they had been trapped after having sex. They found the women hiding in a nicely comfortable room, also napping but not handcuffed. They found the twins floating in a pool of chocolate with their feet touching. They were napping too. They looked amused in their nap. They were naked.
Jensen pointed. "Honey bath too."
Clay looked around. "Cougar, go wake up the ladies so we can evacuate them."
Alex flinched, waking up and glaring at them. "Oh, it's you. They were going to send agents to come evacuate the girls to somewhere safer with help." He kicked Xander, waking him up. "Clay's team is here."
"Hey," he said through a yawn. "Have the agents helping move the ladies into help shown up yet?"
"Not yet," Clay said. "Get up, boys, and let's talk. We have a *lot* to talk about."
The twins got up and strolled off dripping chocolate behind them. Xander went to call their agent contact. Alex went to check on the ladies, who all cooed over him.
The team watched how they handled it. When the agents finally got there, the team let them handle things. The team grabbed the boys to walk off. They let the agents handle the people selling, exhausted bad guys.
Jensen nudged Xander with a grin. "What did you do to the bad guys?"
"They wanted us to prove why people wanted us." He grinned. "So we did. It was nice."
"You're still in evil mode?" Pooch demanded. "Even after all that?"
"Nah. The chocolate pool helped with that." The twins grinned at him.
"If you two wore out ten assholes without coming out of your evil mood, I'd worry about your next date," Clay complained.
"She was in there. How do you think we got here?" Xander complained. "She decided she wasn't enough. Or our last seven dates." Alex sighed but nodded. "Where are we going?"
"DC," Clay said dryly. "Someone wants a report for some reason, boys." They groaned. Jensen was texting a number about the twins being naked except for a thick chocolate coating. That's why Red had a couch covered in plastic when they got to the plane.
Red stared at them. "I'm going to pay you back for that, boys." They smiled at him. "Sit. We'll let Lizzie debrief you two, then you can clean up." He looked them over. "I'm sure she'll be happy to help since I spent eight days virtually shopping with young girls."
"They needed it," Cougar admitted in Spanish. "But it was mean." The twins grinned at him too.
"If he doesn't pay you back, I'm going to paddle you," Clay promised.
"Oooh, spank us, Daddy," Xander quipped, cooing up at him. Clay pushed him onto the couch and huffed off to the back of the plane where the bar was.
Red walked the team and the twins into the Post Office's building, nodding at the agents staring at them. "They had to stop some people sellers. They're coming to debrief." He walked the naked, still chocolatey twins past the agents. They didn't seem to care about being naked except for chocolate, and what looked like a few streaks of come in it. The agents all got out of the way. They came out of the elevator. "Lizzie, how nice to see you again," he said with a smile, kissing her on the cheek. "While we were being *guarded* by the mini slayers who needed fashion help, the twins decided to bust a people seller that was higher up on my list." He pushed them forward. "The commando teams already knew about here."
Jensen nodded. "We ran the test to make sure the security system was working." Deputy Director Cooper shook his head but called the Pentagon to let them know.
Agent Keen looked at the twins. "All right. Do I want to ask about the coating you have?"
"If you want," Alex said with a saucy grin and a wink.
"No flirting, boys. I'm too good girl for you two." She led them off to talk to them with Ressler. Maybe he could make sense of this. Even Red looked like he *really* needed a drink thanks to all this. She'd talk to Red later to make sure he was all right.
The twins were finally allowed to find clothes, and yes they made them dress clothes to annoy them, when one of their past acquaintances showed up out of the blue. Xander stared at her, getting a smile back. "What?" she asked, sitting at their table at the takeout place. "You haven't seen me in years."
"Unfortunately, they've outgrown their bad tastes," Red said as he joined them. "They don't really want to see that many antibiotics again."
She sneered at him. "I'm more magnificent than you'll ever be, Reddington. How dare you speak to me."
Alex cleared his throat. "Belinda, when did you get possessed?" She jumped up, glaring at him. "Do you want us to try to banish the demon for you? Or are you part of that group we'll be dealing with next week?" An officer came jogging over.
"Hold it," Xander ordered firmly. "This woman is possessed. We're Council."
"He's not," the officer said with a point.
"No, he's acting as part of us right now," Alex said, standing up. "That cult of demons that took her in is trying to get him so he's helping us." The officer winced. "I'm pretty sure others know. It'll be okay, but we need to take her somewhere to depossess."
"You won't!" she glared. "You wouldn't dare!"
"Bull," Xander said. "I can do the exorcism."
"You'll pay if you try," she sneered.
"You just had to do this in a restaurant," Xander said, standing up. He tried to grab her but she moved. The officer grabbed her for them. She struggled and tried to kill the officer but Red stopped her and handed her to the twins while they grabbed their stuff. "C'mon, Officer. Let's free this demon whore before she brings more." He nodded, escorting them to an alley. Xander moved to do the exorcism. Alex kept her from leaving. Red guarded them for now. Another one of the group showed up so he dealt with them by knocking them out. The officer gave Red an odd look.
"We all have to do our part. Especially when the arms dealers start to go to demons." She got free of the twins so he hit her. "That felt better than it should have."
Alex pulled something, kissed it, then stabbed her in the stomach. She screamed but the demon taint flew out screaming in a different key. Xander shot something at the demon, capturing it. "Huh," the twins said. "Interesting."
Red glared at them. "Behave, boys." They grinned. "Is she free?"
"Yup," Xander said, staring down at her. "Hi."
"How dare you ruin my power!" she sobbed. "You're evil!"
"No, I'm a knight," Xander quipped. "You're bad at what you did." He walked over her. "C'mon, evil twin'o mine. We need to be in the same happy spot we were earlier when they finally got there to arrest the people sellers we got taken by last time."
Red stared at them. "You two are weird."
"But fun," Alex quipped with a grin for him.
"Not like we have a usual lover to hold in all our lust causing," Xander agreed. They shared a look then shrugged at each other. "We can draw the rest of them if we need to. That way the slayers don't have to deal with people who take on demons of their own free will."
"Don't. You. Dare," Red warned. The twins grinned at him. "I've seen that look before. We don't need to draw all the evil in DC to wherever you two find an open pole night." The officer was shaking his head with a moan. "Officer, her name is Angelique Manthis. She's an arms dealer. A poor one, which is probably why she went to the demon to get more power."
"Arresting you would make my career," the officer said with a smile for him.
"Perhaps but then you'd have to do paperwork with agents breathing down your neck."
"It's DC. It happens all the time."
Alex cleared his throat, holding up his Council ID. "If he can't get us the stuff we need to handle this group, we'll have to cobble together weapons like we used in St. Louis."
The officer stared at him. "Like the one that blew that demon into the river?"
Xander grinned, bouncing some. "We designed that in Africa."
"I can get him later," he said. "As long as an agent comes to pick him up."
"I can arrange that," Red sighed. "Don't arrest the twins, they'll draw things to the station to offer them deals." He called Liz. "Lizzie, me. An officer just saw the twins depossessing someone who is an arms dealer, well below my standards of one but she is a poor one. She's part of the upcoming apocalypse cult incident. He wants to do paperwork to get off the beat so he's going to arrest me until an agent comes to get me."
He listened. "Funny, Lizzie. Really funny. I do have the twins with me." He smiled at them and the one coming up behind them. "Boys?" He waved a hand, turning around. Behind him a sickening 'crunch' went off and then a scream of pain. Then another sickening sound of something being ripped off. "There's also a zombie. Unfortunately they don't have a sword to cut the head off. Thank you, that would be kind, Lizzie. Which precinct, Officer?"
"The twelfth, Lizzie. Thank you." He hung up. "All right." The officer smiled, taking him into custody. The twins got finished and hauled up the arms dealer so he could have her too. So the officer got to arrest two people and the twins got to sit there, joke about things, and draw more evil to the station. By the time Liz and Ressler got there, there were a few other members of that cult that had tried, but had failed. The officers were rather tired of them by then. So Red got to get sprung easily without more than a few forms being filled out. The twins went to a hotel under guard. Agent Ressler had a few agents he wanted out of his agency; they got to watch the twins overnight.
Deputy Director Cooper showed up the next morning, almost smirking. "Agent Ressler, I was told to tell you that it was mean to use the Harris twins as a proving ground to see which agents would be flunking out of their jobs." Ressler laughed. "I'm also told that the next apocalypse incident is now done with as they all came for the twins but were handled. Also," he said, tossing down a file. "What is this?"
They looked then Liz shook her head. "How they got the twins," she said. "You didn't see them yesterday when they showed up, sir?"
"I saw the video footage. It's well liked by the Director. Which worries me sometimes." The two agents smiled. The others nearby all walked off trying not to smile. "What else happened that we are not aware of?"
Liz printed out her report to hand over. "Where they found the twins, sir, and why. I debriefed them when Reddington brought them in."
He read it over, grimacing. "The traffickers?"
"They were arrested up there. All but one got found to be wanted internationally. That one only had minor warrants so they got to keep him without anyone playing 'we want him' tag," she said. "The girls were all removed to a group that helped people who were kept as slaves. The twins work with them over their protectees."
"That's good," Cooper agreed.
"Apparently the twins got them free easily enough and the women's reports said that the twins helped them come down from their drugged state while they were being made to lick them clean."
"The twins were licking the women clean?" he asked.
"No, sir, the ladies were licking the twins clean. One had chocolate, one had honey that he had soaked in. When everyone was unconscious due to sex or drugs, they went to finish soaking in the chocolate pool. That was how they were found, waiting on the agents they had called to show up."
Deputy Director Cooper walked off sighing in displeasure. "Who decided not to let them bathe before bringing them in?"
"Reddington," she said with a smile. "The plan from that group that got people possessed meant that the twins gave him and his bodyguard to the mini slayers in hiding. All sixteen of them were very happy to have someone who understood fighting and fashion that wasn't interested in short skirts and heels on patrol." Cooper stifled a laugh. "They also got to spar a lot with Dembe. The girls were most pleased, especially when Colonel Clay's team showed up to rescue them. Apparently most of the girls really did love Roque's knives."
Cooper walked off laughing. "I suppose that would explain why he didn't give the twins time to clean up so they had to walk in here naked except for chocolate sauce."
"It had to take them hours to scrub that off," Ressler said from his seat.
"They found a spa run by succuba," Aram said from behind his computer array. "They did the scrubbing for them." He looked over. "Eight traffickers?"
"Eleven total including the new guy," Elizabeth said with a smile.
"At least they won't be bouncy for a few weeks," Ressler said dryly.
"We hope," Aram said.
"True, we hope." They got back to work. Somewhere there was a chaos god getting happy with their high priests. The twins were so bad sometimes.
The twins walked into the house. "We must announce there's no upcoming apocalypse battle. They all figured out they didn't really need the demons to give them power," Xander said with a smile.
Alex laughed. "Yes, they did."
Andrew looked at them then sighed. "Yeah, that works I guess."
"They showed up to taunt us," Xander said with a grin. "Apparently it was even better than trapping people who sell others like they're pets by letting them lick chocolate off us."
"You two need help," Andrew said dryly. The twins got coffee before strolling off. Andrew shook his head. They were so weird sometimes. Then again, this mood usually got nice, sweet things made by the twins.
A few hours later, they all paused when they heard a gunshot. "Why is there a rat in this house!" Ray Vecchio yelled.
"It's robotic," one twin yelled.
"It has surveillance gear," the other twin yelled.
"Had," Ray corrected. "Warn me next time, boys."
"Yes, Daddy Ray," they called together then burst out giggling.
"You're grounded," he yelled. "Permanently."
Andrew was giggling into the countertop, shaking his head. The woman in there with him sighed but went to tell the others. The twins did weird things too often these days.
Stopping the Weird With More Weird.