Here A Xander, There A Xander, Everywhere A Xander
Young, chaotic GHS Xander flopped onto a couch on the convention realm and covered himself to hide. He really wanted to hide. He heard someone showing up and hid better.
Lavelle sat down by his head, petting him. "Bad day?" he asked quietly, getting a slight shrug. Lavelle considered it. "Too many wanters and not enough respect?" That got a slight nod. "You okay?" A head shake, more of a full one. "Okay. C'mere, let's cuddle. Then I'm going to go kick ass on your world so some of them are more scared of you."
That one crawled into his lap to be held and cuddled by someone who actually liked him. "Shh, I've got you and I'm badass enough to take over your world and make them all beg. I did it to mine by accident so I can do it for real this time." Someone leaned around the doorway. "Shit's gotten bad for him again," he called quietly.
"Hunter us too. I have him at the castle." Alexander Dumass came over to hug the young one too. "It's been a bad week for all of us." The young one snorted. "It hasn't?"
"It's been longer than a week," he whispered.
"Yeah, we need to go scare some assholes on your world and a few others."
Lavelle grinned. "I scared some of Hunter Xander's realm already."
"He lost his seat."
"Pity." They shared a look. "Textbook case of crackfic?"
Dumass considered it. "That could cause a lot of problems though."
Lavelle grinned. "Hopefully it'll stop a few."
Xander looked up at him. "The agents I usually lean on are hiding right now because SHIELD nearly fell. Again." He put his head back down.
"That sucks. You really need a minion like the one in Miami."
"He's going to be so disappointed in me," he sighed.
"No he won't. He's had this same problem more than once I'm sure."
"I doubt it. I was fighting to get free when a wife showed up and blamed me for daring to be kidnaped and fighting back. She tried to press charges against me with Interpol. They told her that it wasn't my fault I was kidnaped so she tried to shoot me."
"She's a dead bitch," Lavelle said dryly. He patted him and cuddled. He and Dumass shared a look. "Which ones can we use for this caper?"
"Miami. He can go totally mind fuck your people into less straightness?"
Lavelle grinned. "Lotus does need help with her wedding planning." He rolled his eyes. "So much fussing. He and Wade can get some pre-world taking over practice. Like babysitting before you give birth to learn how to change diapers." They shared another look. "Not Writer Xander. DCIS us?"
"He'd probably have a fit and try to handle things as an agent. He's went full agent from hunter."
"Hunter us," Lavelle purred. Then he grinned. Dumass shivered but nodded. "I'll go handle his problems. You handle the ones for Hunter Xander?"
Dumass smirked back. "Yeah, I think I can do that. I've stopped some hell going on in my day." He went to gather a few of them to talk to them about how to handle things. And what needed to be handled for the switching. Writer Xander showed up pouting but they didn't really need him too much. Though...he could easily go fix SHIELD probably. Yeah, he could help. Peter would nag him about it later. Though he might make Olivia remake SHIELD for him....
Writer Xander sat down beside the female agent, taking off his sunglasses with a grin. "Hey, Agent Maria Hill."
"You're not our Xander," she said.
"No, I'm not." He smirked. "But I'm here to help you fix the bad writer's gordian knot of an agency."
"We can...." He chuckled and shook his head. "Oh, no. How many of you are here?" This had to be a nightmare. She was sure it was even though she was asleep.
"Me. Lavelle. President us is helping in Hunter Xander's realm to stop their heaven vs hell battles. They're about to find out why you don't bother a Xander too much." She winced, holding her stomach. "Exactly," he purred. "So, let's go handle some things for you, dear. We can base it on how DCIS Xander helped build that agency." He stood up and held out a hand with a grin once his sunglasses are back on. "I'm famous and I know just about half of anything. So let's go unscrew it."
"We had a godly Coulson."
"Yeah," he moaned. "Uncle Phil and that Xander? They'll be here next week." She whined but went with him back to SHIELD to handle the problems going on. Hill put him in front of everyone so he took off his sunglasses like the author he was. "People." They stared and a few opened his mouth.
"No, you upset that young me so much we're here to fix your shit for you," he purred. "So let's do it the right way." He got into the computer with the system Lavelle had given him. "Hmm. HYDRA is still trying I see. I see problems that are torturing people." He looked at Hill. "Is that allowed in SHIELD?"
"Neither one." She took it to look at. "I did not know about that." She glared at a few people, who were shrinking away from her.
"Consider me backup, dear. And if my husband Shank needs to come nag maybe he can help too." He kissed her on the cheek. Then he grinned at them. "People, I'm about to put you into a book. And then kill you all horribly a few times. So let's give me better ideas, yes?" He flashed the spell Dumass had given him and they all froze so she could fix it easier.
Lavelle landed in front of a youngish man in Sokovia. "I need you to keep him hostage for his own sanity and health for at least two weeks. Can you do that for him?" he asked smugly.
"I don't usually keep prisoners so have nothing set up. I can have him as a guest. Who are you? You appear to be related to the young one I know casually well but all his relatives are on other realms."
"I'm Lavelle." He winked. "I took out my whole Dark Syndicate to rebuild around them." The baron shuddered. "Exactly. People are getting tiring for him again. He's in serious emotional pain. He thinks you're nice, and I know about the you in my world. Not that nice, Baron." He stared at him. "Can you protect him and help him see that all people aren't the evil in the world?"
"Yes, my wife can. She's good at it."
"Good. I knocked him into a nap." He handed over the bag. "Open it and pour him out by thinking about him coming out." He walked off looking smug and in control, which he was. The European underground? So very fucked.
The baron took the bag to a spare room and did as ordered, letting the boy out of the bag. He was still sleeping and looked tired even while asleep. He considered it and wondered what else was in there so let that come out onto the floor instead of the bed, just in case.
Which was a good idea since it held weapons. He blinked a few times. "That can't be from this realm," he muttered. "That's Stark Tech he never created. Interesting." He cleaned that back into the bag and went to tell his wife so she could help the young one. She had sense and compassion but a steel backbone if it was needed.
Miami GHS Xander settled in front of the massed computer images. "Lavelle and I had to switch places for a few weeks so he could help the younger version of me who was kidnaped a few too many times." He grinned. "So, I'm your substitute Xander."
Bastian, who used to be a spy, winced. "Really?"
"Are you the one that did those dances?" Lupin asked from his screen upstairs.
"No. I'm a bit more firm than he is and I have a minion of my own. This is Wade." He waved a hand at him. "And August, my new minion. The CIA *generously* gave him to me." August huffed at that. He grinned. "So, I got the rundown of what Lavelle's doing. And I like some of it. But scanning things earlier to catch up, I'm seeing a few ideas we need to stomp on. Why are we allowing a move toward a war?" A few spluttered. "And why is the US families having a fit at the European ones?"
"A disaster of a marriage," Bastian said. "For the second problem. What war?" Wade showed him by opening those files for the massed group. "Shite."
The others all agreed it was a bad idea. They went over how to stop the upcoming war and the problem with the marriage that would create a new quiet war in the underworld.
Xander leaned forward. "I know that guy. The former blond one. He tried to take me once so I blew up his house. Twice actually. I didn't get it all the first time so I came back to make my point when he pouted at me about it." He grinned at August. "Think we can play marriage counselor?"
"There's hope," Wade said. "But I think it's more they're not well suited and it was an arranged marriage to prove the son wasn't gay."
Xander sighed. "Gay is fine, people. Even to the traditional families. I think I can fix that so there's a grandson at least." August shuddered. He grinned. "We can handle that. Plus confuse a whole lot of people, August. They think Lavelle is mean. They don't know how upset a GHS can get."
Wade shuddered, holding himself. "I forgot you need some evil time sometimes, Xander. Please don't ruin Lavelle's things?"
"Of course not!" He waved a hand with a grin. "I'm also here to help Lotus with wedding plans if she wants and to set little Arsene up with someone Lavelle had spotted but hadn't gotten to yet. You guys need me to do more?" The whole group shook their heads. "You sure? I can go cause some chaos if I need to."
He snapped. "We need to warn the ICPO guys that I'm not Lavelle too. Don't we?" He grinned at Lupin's picture, making him moan. "Awww, and I'm not even being mean today." He blew a kiss and hung up with a wink for the others. "Let's go announce our presence, guys. They need to understand how much meaner Lavelle *could* be if he had the hormones too."
He strolled off to leave the Paris safehouse. August was still moaning. Wade was looking worried. Xander, well, he was used to crackhead ideas. Not only from being a Xander but from all those wanters who had those sort of ideas to get his attention. At least this time it wouldn't come with tacky presents that gave him a headache.
Lavelle strolled up to the Court of Evil's lunch at the charity event. They all stared at him oddly but he smirked and unhid his silver hair and a few of his scars. A few people screamed. Lavelle stared at one, then waved at him. He fell down in a dead faint. The rest he froze for now. "Awww. Nicely demon tainted. So sweet of them," he said dryly.
"You are playing a role," one of the Xander wanters who was a Count sneered.
"Nah, fam, I'm not that Xander. I never was." He pulled a gun and shot most of the room, knocking them out. "Sedatives because I'm being *sweet* today," he sneered at them. They stared back. "By the way, you've upset your Xander so much he came to see if I could help him. None of you will ever see your version of Xander again."
He smirked and got four of them with the sedatives. Then put that gun up to pull out another one. "Sorry, I'm out of sedatives." He shot the other ones; they had the worst of the wanting Xander ideas anyway. "I'm going to make sure you can't bother the little me, the one I helped raise, ever the fuck again, people."
He waved and the two thieves he had hired came in to rob people while Lavelle fixed their shit for them. He winked at the head of the charity. "They're evil, dear, but their money will be coming to you later tonight. Use it well. We like those who help children." He winked. "There's too many that see kids as expendable and that's just wrong."
He strolled off. "Let's go, boys." They came with him and the fences waiting took all the jewelry to sell, then sent the checks to that charity. Interpol was trying to come in and one knew about Xander so he paused to stare at him. He looked confused but also very angry.
"You're not Xander. Are you a relative?"
"Yes." He grinned. "I'm one of the ones that helped raise him. I'm Lavelle. The gunman and thief." The agent winced. "I've had enough of them bothering little Xander so much he needed cuddles. So I put him with someone protective while I fixed a few things for him." He strolled off again.
"I mostly used sedative bullets. I was being nice and sweet today. I'll destroy them in the next few days since they're now warned I'm coming. I always like to watch them plan to stop me and fail." He waved a hand and disappeared.
The ICPO inspector sent up a loud prayer for sanity and help for that young one. And for Europe to still be standing after that one got done with things. His boss showed up so he ran over to tell him what he had been told. This...could be very bad. They really had to find the normal Xander to make sure he was safe.
Miami Xander strolled around the pool area, drawing a lot of attention. "Miss Lupin," he said smugly.
"Mr. Harris. My dad said you were looking for me so I took a day off."
Xander grinned at her. "Lavelle asked me to make an introduction between you and someone."
"Why? He could've done it."
"He's busy helping the younger version of me."
She looked around then at his hair then at him again. "Melissa told me about you." He grinned, sitting on the foot of her lounger. "Why didn't he?"
"He's busy. I'm also on to help Lotus make plots for her wedding if she wants. I do have some taste."
She waved a hand and Melissa strolled over from the sun shade. "Hey, Lavelle."
"Melissa." He got up to hug her then winked at her. "Younger us needed some help so your parent's helping him." He sat down again. "It's getting bad for him. A whole lot of nobles who have no sense or taste. So I'm here with the minions. Can you warn the ones after him so I don't have to show my own ass this time?" He grinned. "I know that one GHS us danced to show off. I could but my minions would be mad at me for it."
"Let's not destroy the social orders here yet," August said as he joined them. "Unless you want me to revive my plan here?"
Xander smirked at him. "I'd have to punish for that, August. Do you think you want that? I'd hate to stop that bomb."
August rolled his eyes. "I'd knock you out first."
"Which means I'd get to pray and bring my overseeing beings here." August shuddered. "Exactly."
"Arsene prays to Janus," Melissa noted.
"Oh, honey," Xander said, grinning at the girls. "I'm an anchor for Ares, Cupid, and Strife." Arsene moaned loudly, staring at him. He grinned. "All higher level GHS are Cupid's and level tens are Strife's. And I did train with the high priests at Ares' temple. And some with Hermes' people too." Arsene winced at that. "Your parental unit found someone very much like me on this realm he wanted to introduce you to, Arsene. Meet with me tonight?"
"Yeah, if I'm not breaking out of jail. That's Uncle Myron."
Xander got up smoothly and went to hug him. "Hi, Myron. I'm Xander."
"I know that." He stared at him. "You're not Lavelle though."
"No, I'm not. I'm the stand-in Xander for him while he's helping another of us with problems." He winked. "I'm to help Lotus with any wedding plans if she wants and to introduce Arsene to someone and to hold the rest stable." Myron sighed but nodded once. "So you be a good boy." He blew a kiss as he strolled off.
"Sir, your bodyguard?" he asked.
"He's my assistant." He shot him a grin. "I'm very good at helping people refind a bit of light." He hauled Arsene up. "Let's go, girls." They walked him back to the team table and took them with him. He had the magic to open portals for all of them.
Lotus looked at him. "Teach me that?" she asked.
"Of course, sweetheart." He grinned. They walked off talking while the other two got changed and followed. They were at the main hideout so they had clothes here.
August had found the him on this realm and settled in to talk to him. He had to know about the failure possibly coming with his plans to restructure the world. Wade was amused by the girls but they were great thieves.
Xander leaned over his arm to stare at the phone then grinned at him. "Remember, Lavelle here runs most every single underground somehow or has contacts there. And he *is* a creative version of us." He went back to helping Lotus with plans.
August looked at the picture of himself. "That one had me stopped and I got given as his assistant to keep down the hell from everyone wanting a Xander of their own. So far I've had to take out two CIA heads, a few higher level CEO's, an ambassador, two Militia leaders with one more coming, and another sixteen people who wanted him as their lap pet. Your Xander here, Lavelle, is a *lot* more reasonable."
That August blinked a few times. "Shouldn't this call be impossible?"
"No. They hold yearly conventions of Xander on a closed realm with over three hundred, plus spouses and kids. Thankfully mine doesn't have either right now. Or unthankfully because a spouse would be good for him," he said with a wince at the squealing going on over a dress.
"If that's going to remind people of your Rocky Horror costume, just don't even consider it," he yelled off to the side then huffed. "He's driving me nuts. I'm about to become an alcoholic. And if your plans get found out by Lavelle, which it probably has, you can join me as my backup. We can pretend to be brothers."
The local August Walker slowly shook his head. "I'll evaluate my plan tonight."
"If you run into Hunt, you're already found out. Though I need to torture my version for handling me to Xander." He grimaced at the new squealing. Even Wade was wincing. "XANDER!"
"She has a ferret too!" he called back. "It's so adorable!"
He sighed, looking at the phone again, nodding slightly. "Death might've been preferable," he said quietly. "So do watch out."
"Gladly. Thank you for the warning. Anything else I should hear?"
"I got my thinking straightened out by Ares. I've decided to help Xander set up things so he wasn't as bothered by higher ups who may want to steal him or aliens when they invade instead of just visiting."
"You guys have aliens?"
"He's had a few brushes. One gave him a set of cannibal goats. They'll eat anything that'll fit in their mouths. Including people," he said flatly. "I've heard Marines and Deltas complain the goats are tougher than special Marine forces." That August winced but nodded once. "I've sent you an email briefing you about everything to my old blind account off yahoo."
"I'll get into that tonight. Are you sane?"
"No," he said then smirked. "I'm definitely not sane any longer. I'm preventing you from joining me." He hung up.
Wade patted him on the back. "I'd warn the me here but we're a comic here to Lavelle. He gave Clay the comics so he'd know what was possibly going to happen. That's when they found out Aisha was poisoning them and Junior."
August grimaced. "Xander would have ripped her apart at the cellular level."
"Yeah but he let Jolene do it first." He smirked. "She's disappeared and is in severe hiding but she's in London. I've let people over there know so she can't screw them up so hard." He patted him on the shoulder again. "This Xander really adores comics and anime. He has a librarian who runs his collection in a huge house."
August groaned, slumping a bit but nodded. "And kimonos. And weapons but not like ours." Wade walked off. "We can go browse the collection laying around." August followed. If this Xander was as wacky as his he wanted warned before his Xander took out some syndicates or intelligence agencies and took over on them. He'd already had the bad idea of Xander in charge of the CIA as a nightmare a few times. He didn't need more.
Hunter Xander got kidnaped from in front of the other hunters sharing information on what was going on then two new Xanders walked out of the portal. "Hey, all." They smirked in unison. "We're the stand in Xander."
Dean Winchester looked at him. "I know there's a convention. I didn't think it was time. He hasn't been bouncy about it recently."
"It's not but it's been years since I had to handle an apocalypse so I'm filling in with Dumass." He nodded at him. "I'm his backup this time."
Alexander Dumass grinned at the group. "Hey, all." They stared at him because he was glowing.
Another Xander showed up humming while reading something then looked up and grinned. "Howdy, mortals." They all stared at him. "What? Should I ask Sividia us to show up?"
"How did one of you become a Sividia!" Sam Winchester complained loudly.
"Willow," the three Xanders said. They all nodded at that. The other hunters had heard about Rosenburg, they understood that a bit.
"What's a Sividia?" one of the other hunters asked.
"A general in Hell's armies," Dumass said happily. "Hey, winged us?" he called. Sividia Xander showed up and grinned and waved. "They wondered about you."
"I can lend them my slightly naughty Sam to help them." He summoned his mate, who appeared looking amused. "Sam, honey, they don't know anything about us."
"Oh, we know Sammy," Dean said, staring at that one. "Ummmm... you're radiating, Sammy. Are you evil?"
"They tried really hard but it means that I can touch Xander without getting a huge bit of taint." He shrugged and grinned.
"These two are their hell's special headache but on for any war that doesn't include fighting against the light," Dumass said.
Sividia Xander nodded with a grin. "Yeah, if it's the aliens we're there. We're also the ones who take out the worst of the dark. We hold a safe haven for lower demon groups in Sunnydale so they're not bothered. Then they made Sam take up that prophecy stuff so he's slightly naughty."
The other hunters looked at their Sam, who was shaking his head with a sigh. "Wow."
"Dude, getting given your brother as a helper out of hell was the best thing ever," Sividia Xander quipped with a grin. "He's helped me a lot. Got your dad out of hell. Helped me set up the sanctuary stuff. Helped me clean out the bad in Sunnydale." Dean winced and slumped, shaking his head.
"So let us talk to our people for you." He winked at Dumass then took Sam with him to the local hell. "Wow," he said, looking around. "No one's decorated or dusted or even made the souls clean the floors. Ewww! How trashy!" He waved the area clean, summoning some of the souls to do that. He sighed in pleasure as he walked into the Highest's office. "Hey, we're visiting."
The Lord of Hell looked at him. "We don't have your kind here."
"Pity. We're here now." He winked. "By the way, I had them clean. What sort of evil overlord sort lives in such filth." He stared at him. "Let me go fix a few who don't respect the local me." He strolled off. "Sam, if you want that, have it. We'll cuddle in a few so you can preen me. We can practice some more for the eventual breeding our hell doesn't want me to do. Maybe we'll let this Xander raise him."
Sam grinned. "He'd probably love being a spoiling uncle sort, Xander. You have some fun. I'll be in the library probably." He took the seal of office and walked off before that Lord of Hell could stop him.
A demon stopped him. "They said Sam Winchester would lead Hell's Armies."
"Yes, but you didn't specify which Sam Winchester." He grinned. "I'm mated to one of the Sividia on my natal realm. Where they said I'd claim ground for them so I help him hold a sanctuary town."
She whined. "They killed all ours off."
"Xander's off nagging some who don't respect the local version of him. I'm going to see if I can go nag my father's spirit." He strolled off giggling. The look of fear was so damn cute.
Up on the human realm, Dumass looked up then grinned at Sam. "They realized just now that he actually fulfills that prophecy, Sam. Congrats."
Sam Winchester smiled. "That's sweet of him to help me out of that, Xander. Which one are you?"
"Cursebreaker Dumass." He did a courtly bow and wave with an evil smirk. "This is the former President Harris." Xander grinned and waved like the politician he tried not to be.
Bobby Singer took off his hat to rub his face. "Dear God," he complained. "Did ours get that idea too?"
"They elected me without my permission. They decided I'd protect them. And the one after me," he said with a wave at Sam. "Who is married to Buffy's sister Dawn, is presently trying not to get a second term. I managed to avoid it so far."
Bobby looked at Sam, who had just passed out. Then at Dean.
"Hell no, dude. I didn't even graduate high school. I should not even be eligible."
"You had to do a lot of talking but they're talking about it. They wanted people who could protect the people. A general, a colonel, me, and then Sam. The first dealt with alien battles."
Dean nodded, trying not to show how hard his butt was clenched. "Dude, hell clearly does not expect either of you. Or that one."
"Ya think? No one expects me to do anything but be a magical booknerd and badass," Dumass quipped. He pulled his wand to sense around. "Hey, there's a magical tomb nearby. I should make sure it's safe." He hummed, looking at them. "So, how can we make sure the humans survive?"
"We're a third side," Bobby said.
"Good." He walked off happier. "Let me summon something to let them know they've already lost. I believe in fair warning."
President Xander shook his head. "I don't. I gave that up in Africa." He smiled. "Let's see what's going on so we can jump in with our specific, weird skills."
"Will our Xander turn into you?" one of the hunters asked.
"Not if he's lucky." He stared at him. "Did you guys lose Sunnydale in a way that called all the Slayers into service?" They all shook their heads. "Then probably not." He smiled. "Which is always nicer. Having to rebuild the Council drove us nuts for years." He got back to it.
"So, um, should we introduce Xander to someone like your mate to see if they work here?" Dean asked, kicking Sam until he woke up.
"He's met Ezra." He smiled. "They don't get along too well but they can sit and chat. Most of us that have spouses bring them to the conventions, Dean. He's met them, all the kids we have or are raising. Some of the important friends on their realms. GHS Xander's minions. August has to come to the next one. I wonder if Wade's warned him yet." He hummed, getting back to the notes. He pointed. "Do we have that?"
"We need to reformat it," Bobby said.
"Okay. Maybe Dumass can do that with some of the transfiguration stuff." He hummed, going back to it. Someone tried to bust in so he blew them up with the weapon on his back waistband. "Lavelle gave it to me." He grinned. "His weapons design team is really nice to make him stuff for us."
"Who's Lavelle?" Bobby asked.
"Us, but he got sent to hell by one of our cohorts." He stared at him. "He fought his way out. He's remade himself into a darker than average knight. He's also managed to build a network in the underground that's pretty much a world-wide support structure." He smiled. "He's helping the young GHS us who's had too many bad things happen. Another few are fixing SHIELD." He went back to the notes. He sniffed then looked at Sam as he appeared. He handed him something. "Plots to end?"
He read through them and snorted. "So damn weak of them. Lavelle's kids could fight that off." He handed it back and disappeared to go stop that. Xander was busy reformatting the armies of hell to be better. A bit more anime styled than military but well, it was Xander.
Bobby shook his head quickly. "Damn weird."
Xander grinned at him. "Yeah but we enjoy it most of the time." Bobby moaned. "Dumass, did you get them to give up yet?" he called.
"Working on it. I'm being scanned by two very mad Angels who think I'm not a real Xander."
Xander strolled out there. "We're all Xander, dudes." He smiled. "Including me." They scanned him and one shrieked but he waved at him. "What? Not like I wanted the job." He punched that one in the face. Then grabbed his wing to yank on, making him fall down. Dumass stripped their feathers, making the angels scream.
Dumass sent the explosives Lavelle had given them after those two so it exploded wherever they were. "Hmm, Martyrs," he quipped.
"Many of them were," President Xander agreed.
A new angel appeared, staring at them. "Boys," Gabriel said with a grin. "Welcome to our realm."
"Not the first time we've visited. Last convention we all partied with the local Xander in the club and had Taco Bell," Dumass said.
Gabriel looked at them. "Are you two the only ones?"
"Nah, fam," President Xander said with a smirk. "As I've heard the young kids say. There's a whole mated set of a Xander and a Sam too."
Gabriel blinked a few times. "Mated?"
Sam appeared, grinning and waving at him. "Hey, how're you?" Gabriel blinked a few times. "I never met you before. Which one are you?"
"Gabriel. I helped the Sam here," he said, looking less than amused. "Why are you evil?"
"They forced the prophecy on me. But it means I'm Xander's true mate since Willow turned him into a Sividia."
Gabriel stared. "Exsqueeze me?" he demanded.
"I haven't heard that since Aphrodite said it," Dumass told President Xander, who punched him on the arm but was smiling.
Sam looked up and Xander appeared with a grin. "Gabriel!" he cooed, giving him a quick hug. "How're you, man? I haven't seen one of you in months."
Gabriel looked at him. "How in any hell or heaven did you do that?"
"Oh." He nodded at that. "I'm going to make sure that witch is stopped," he muttered, rubbing his head. "What are you doing?"
"Being the general I am," Xander quipped before disappearing.
Sam grinned. "We're *organizing*. I'm about to unionize the minions." He disappeared with a smirk.
"Fuck, that's nearly evil," Dumass said, sounding awed. President Xander was hugging himself. Gabriel was moaning in pain. "Wow. He really needs to have kids sometime soon, even if his version of hell wanted him to wait until they could buy some good teachers and create hyper areas for the kids to play in."
"Their little helper demon Hu said they've been practicing long enough and should finally get to breeding the next great evil one," President reminded him.
"True, he did say that during the last convention." They walked off together.
Gabriel really, really needed a drink. Too bad angels couldn't drink but he really, really, really needed a drink. He went to tell the others and higher ups about all that. Gabriel went to ask the important question. "Where's the local Xander?"
"We asked him to help the young GHS one; he needed some help since humans have been so sucky to him. And we are keeping Lavelle out of here."
Gabriel disappeared again because he had heard what GHS was. He felt sympathy for that Xander. He felt sympathy for that whole world, and many others as he was finding out about the other Xanders out in the universe.
They were so screwed. It was enough to make him want to give up his Grace so he could expire without the drama.
It had been two weeks. Writer Xander was very good at fixing SHIELD so it made human sense. It was driving Hill nuts but oh well! Then she found out about Lavelle and shuddered. She looked at the local Xander. "What is your evil other one doing?"
He grinned. "Proving what'll happen if they keep driving little Xander toward hating humanity. It's a tough lesson but they really don't want to keep pushing on Xander the way they have been. He'll end up snapping and turning into a true evil overlord of Xander." He grinned. "Or maybe President Xander since he's still sure some of humanity is good, but most likely they're going to drive him until he thinks humanity's doomed and he'll have to fix it."
He snapped his fingers. "I should ask the Xander that's the new King of Latveria for his ideas," he said, walking off calling him. "Hey, it's me, Writer me. We need ideas to help the little Xander here. Lavelle's proving what a Xander who's lost patience can do. I'm redoing SHIELD. Wanna help?" He grinned. "Great! Sure, you can come help."
He hung up. Then he grinned at a pale and shaky Maria Hill. "It turns out his parents were part of Doom's empire and she got with Victor one night then fled with her boyfriend when she realized what she had done." He shrugged. "That Xander's just taken over. He did things like have to fight the political marriage attempts and sent an interior decorating dragon to help his daddy's very dreary palace look more cheerful."
She walked off but you could hear the subvocal giggling going on. Xander grinned at the staring agents. "Next time, don't make us fix it for you, people. I could be writing my next best seller if I didn't have to help the younger me here." They walked off moaning again. He nearly jumped at the familiar sounding cleared throat. "Hey, Honey!" He bounced over to kiss him gently. "Big problem with the kids?"
"Quit giving these agents nightmares," he told him quietly. "It's bad enough they will never be as good as Lorne, or even his partner, but you are making them drink too heavily from the bad ideas."
Xander winked with a grin. "That's because they're still core rotted. It's endangering the local me and he's so upset he's about to snap and destroy humanity." He waved a hand. "I'm only fixing this problem. Lavelle is showing parts of Europe that they really don't want Xander to go bad to protect himself and others."
Peter, his husband, sighed and muttered in Russian. "Just send nibbing pets, Xander. It would be kinder. The local you could use the pets anyway I'm sure." Xander cuddled him, getting a hug back. "You are being too warped."
He grinned. "I've got a whole lot of characters to fill into stories."
"That's good. I can steal some for a novel I'm trying to write." He looked at them. Maria Hill paused to stare at him. She was trying not to be too shocked. Peter smiled and nodded. "This Xander is mine."
"Oh," she said with a nod. "I know who you are, Mr. Yurchenko."
"Now he's an author with me," Xander quipped with a smile for her. "That's how we met."
She nodded. "I wish the local you could meet someone that competent and protective." She stopped someone stomping in. "He is not ours," she ordered. "Leave him alone. He is that Xander's mate."
Natasha Romanoff looked at him. Then said something in Russian, making Peter laugh and shake his head. "Are you certain?"
"Yes. In my world that was Vorba. I ended him. He was messy."
"Good." She stared at that Xander. "You are not like ours."
"I don't have the hormones but I have muses. I'm a fantasy author." He grinned. "I do supernatural fantasy mostly." She shivered. "I'm using a lot of these people as future characters."
She nodded. "They're not that creative. It could be better than their actual lives." She walked off shivering.
"Lavelle is showing the ones in Europe why they don't want a Xander of their own," Xander called after her with a wave when she turned to stare at him. Natasha let out a swear in Russian.
Peter nodded. "Probably but they did bring it on themselves by not respecting the young one's right to say no."
"Consent is always a good thing," Xander agreed. He smiled at her. "He's with someone Lavelle thinks he'd call a friend if the guy let him."
"I'll call over that way to make sure he's fine." She went to do that, starting with the obvious choice. The baron did have him, he was healing well, and had actually sought out his wife to talk to her about things. So he was healing. She looked at Europe's map of SHIELD agents in the field then sent a few agents messages to stay out of it. They did not want to be near the destruction of the European Syndicates.
She could moan about Yurchenko being a Xander's spouse later. The boy clearly needed someone who was that strong and powerful. She needed to find their Xander one like that. Not that exact one, she had ended him herself, but one like him. She looked at the agents she knew in Europe and Asia. Maybe they'd have an idea.
Natasha met up with her usual partner that night at Xander's house. "The fantasy author Xander we have helping SHIELD is mated to Yurchenko."
Clint Barton blinked at her. "Excuse me?" She nodded. "How on earth did he meet him?"
"To hear that one speak of it, they met while they were being authors. Xander was seen cooing something about golfing with him."
"Ah." He nodded once. "You know this means ours is the more normal Xander, right?"
She nodded. "I'm figuring that out, yes." She looked over at the staring two younger Widows who lived in a treehouse by the pool. "Is everything going well here, ladies?"
They smiled and nodded. "The ropes course is dangerously hard but a good break from chemistry," one quipped. "Thankfully my ankle healed well."
Clint grinned. "Good. Did they take any of Xander's things with him?"
"The silver haired Xander showed up to grab him clothes, his wallet and passport, and a sword. That way he could workout."
"I'm sure that's good for him," Natasha decided. "What ropes course?" The girls led her to it and she moaned in pleasure, deciding to test it again. She remembered doing it last time but it was a good form of stress relief. She jumped up and caught a line and swung into the poles, ropes, and lines to climb up, around, and through. It took up an area the size of a garage but it was fun. She panted when she finally came down. "We need one of these for training." Clint grinned and nodded he agreed. "You knew?"
"I tried it out already. It's really fun. I can see why the Martian version of Xander had one built for his family."
She blinked a few times. "Martian?" The girls giggled and got the convention book to show her that Xander. She moaned. "Oh, no."
Clint smirked and nodded. "Yeah, I remember that cartoon. I watched it while healing that broken arm." She hung her head and shook it a few times. "I'm wondering if they taught him how to ride a motorcycle."
"Possibly," Natasha said, staring at him. "Though we haven't seen one yet."
The girls giggled, going to the kitchen to make dinner then back to their studies while the older spies groaned some more.
Dumass looked up then grinned. "Someone wondered if they taught tiny GHS Xander how to ride a motorcycle."
President Xander stared at him. "Don't tempt them, really. He can't get a Martian bike on that world."
"Point. And their Mars might be a destroyed one like ours is." They shared a look then grinned. They'd ask Lavelle his ideas later to see what he came up with.
Lavelle smirked at the people showing up to try to stop him. "Hmm. SHIELD agents. To destroy or not," he mused, thinking about it. Then he hummed and froze them before walking off.
Writer Xander called him. "Don't be mean to the SHIED agents. Even the ineffective ones over there."
"I'm not. I just froze them with the freeze ray." He grinned and waved that gun. "It's real handy." He got one sneaking up on him. Then he smiled again. "I am the bad guy of Xanders."
"True. Though there's probably one of us who went full on serial killer."
"He probably had some fun too. Hopefully he got Willow," Lavelle shot back. He looked at the three staring agents and grinned. "Howdy." He froze them and then the one behind him. "Dude, I live on battle senses. I've had whole ICPO units trying to get me. And you think you're better?" He felt one tap him and looked at Peter, grinning.
"Hey. I'm being my usual asshole self." He looked at the remaining agent, Nick Fury. "Hey, they found you!" He grinned and shot him with his regular gun. "We're fixing your shit for you and little Xander. Before he has to turn into me." He looked at Peter again, grinning. "No one wants little Xander to turn into me."
"No, we do not. Though we would like it if you did not completely ruin Europe so it falls in when you leave, Lavelle."
"I'm trying not to. I've found a good second-in-command who is one of mine at home. He'll do *fine*, Peter. And make sure little Xander isn't bothered by that Court of Evil bullshit." He grinned before strolling off. "Have some fun. The freeze ray will wear off in thirty minutes."
"Thank you for that mercy." He walked over to look at Nick Fury. "You have made my own Xander frustrated and upset. I do not like that."
"I knew the you on this realm," he moaned.
Peter smiled. "I looked him up. Was not amused. I would have ended that me as well. Thankfully I am not that sort of asshole. Though I will nominate for your job; someone worthy to hold it who won't have all these problems you have." He saw one agent flinch out of the freeze ray then have to hide behind a tree suddenly.
"I'm sure the side effects are uncomfortable. At least it wears off. Lavelle could be much less nice at this time. The local Xander is like his son," he noted when the other agents started to unfreeze. He walked off, being brought back to his Xander by Dumass. Who had to come gather some help to go against the angels. "We should nominate Cash or his boss to run SHIELD," he told his husband, who cackled and pounced him to hug.
"Cash, the non-weapons as weapons expert?" Maria Hill demanded.
"Yes. He got unretired by the president to help a Micah Simms run ECHO in our world." He grinned. "He helped introduce me to this insanity I call my own. We golf sometimes."
"Simms, the guy who was handling things by poisoning the bad agents' coffee at the CIA?"
"Yes. Probably." He smirked.
She moaned. "Oh, that's going to be so bad."
"Lavelle shot Nick Fury in the thigh for you."
"I've wanted to do that a few times," she admitted. She considered it. "I'd rather have Cash than Simms." Peter grinned at her for that decision. "At least he's an agent who would've fit right in with Barton and the rest of the SHIELD agents."
"We like him but he keeps climbing up the fire escape instead of using the elevator," Xander quipped.
She nodded. "That doesn't surprise me." She went to make that suggestion. It had some merit on the surface. It would give them time to make Nick Fury normal again too. Xander and Peter went to have sex in their borrowed room, liking this without kids thing for a few days. The agents who had heard looked up those names to see who they were. A few asked some of the older agents. This time, Barton had the shuddering reaction.
Miami Xander smiled as his target showed up. "Hey. Come talk." He waved him over. "I'm not Lavelle."
"I've found that out. Who are you?"
"I'm a different Xander from another realm. He wanted me to introduce you to his daughter."
"Lotus is being married."
"Wrong daughter." He waved and Arsene came over. "This is actually the modern anchor for Ares here, Arsene. It shines if you've got marks like mine."
"I can tell you wear many marks," the man said with a nod.
He grinned. "We GHS are like that sometimes." He winked. "So this is the me here's daughter, Arsene Lupin the Fourth. Lavelle wanted you two to meet."
The man stared at her. "I'm Konstantinos Shivralmat. Most everyone calls me Shivs though." He grinned and held out his hand.
"Arsene Lupin the Fourth." She shook his hand with a smile before sitting next to him. "What do you for a living, Konstantinos?"
"I do a lot of training and studying mostly. I'm also studying healing and paranormal things."
She grinned at Miami Xander. "We're good."
"Cool. I met another version of him at one time, he was a doc in Dawn's realm." He winked as he strolled off.
"I've heard of that me but I have not wanted to fry my mind by trying to hold a conversation over scrying."
She waved a hand. "All the Xanders hold a convention yearly on some closed realm." He moaned at that. She nodded with a grin. "Yeah. A lot." She stared at him. He was pretty, like model pretty, and taller than her. He was well built. "How do you feel about my career?"
"Someone has to take down people who are trying to be overlords and emperors. Sometimes that takes a thief or an assassin."
"I'm definitely the thief in that sentence," she quipped, standing up. "Come walk with me. I can see Melissa watching over us." He nodded, going with her. He knew he was safe, and so was his chastity at this moment. Though she was intriguing. Still a bit young mentally but very...exciting. Yes, he could like this one. He could spar with her, make sure she measured up to his needs later. And then possibly show her what Greek men were good at outside the kitchen. If she wanted of course.
Melissa looked at the phone broadcasting that meeting to her uncle and dad. "He's *fine*," she told them. "His background showed he's not a watcher but he's strong enough to hold a demon battle back." She grinned. "He'll fit in well with her mouth too." She hung up after blowing a kiss, going to find her boyfriend and mug him until he forgot to finish his email to his mother and sister. For some reason she had been so horny recently and had no idea why.
August stopped his boss. "Who is that?"
"The anchor that Ares has on this realm." He grinned. "He's a healer in training and the local equivalent of Constantine."
August sighed. "That's a comic book, right?"
"Well, yeah. I'll show you when we get home." He strolled off, punching someone who tried to grab his ass. "Not yours!" August glared and the guy ran off before he got really hurt. "Maybe I'll find one here and bring him home."
"Maybe you'll find one here and his version in our world will be good enough," August said dryly. "Did your patrons suggest him?"
"Not exactly." He grinned. "I'll explain that set up sometime. Lavelle and I were talking and I got the muse hit from Godly me's world."
August sighed. "Godly you is very weird, Xander."
"Not really. He's really kind of boring. He doesn't do anything wild. Never gets to club. Has a few battles now and then but mostly just trains future agents and Stargate people." He shrugged. "Has to play diplomat a few times a year."
August sighed. "If you're certain." He took him back to their hotel, where Xander's rented boytoy was waiting and recovered finally.
"You know, they said to bring you to the convention this year."
August glared. "Don't make me kill you temporarily. I'll pray to have that tumor removed again."
Xander giggled and hugged him. "You're so fierce, August." He bounded off.
August growled. No one considered him mean enough these days. He was seen as too nice thanks to Xander.
Xander grinned back at him. "I've got to get the motherfucker from Saudi who tried to take me last week when we get back. Jensen said he tried to buy me from Steve."
August smirked. "I think I can have a talk with him, Xander."
"Cool! I hate getting guts out of my hair." He flipped his braid back. "He's a third timer. Wade didn't even discourage him."
"I'll be having a *long* chat with him when we get back. Jensen can watch over you for a few days with Wade." They finally made it back to the hotel and Xander pounced his rented toy while August made plans.
Little GHS Xander looked at the guy who had just grabbed his hostess as he pulled his sword to take him on. That guy, he tried to run but Xander got him on the hamstring and then sneered. "How dare you touch anyone against their wills!" he demanded. "She's not yours to grab, motherfucker! Now, apologize to the nice lady!" He pointed at her. "Before I get you again!"
"Xander, dear, calm down," she ordered patiently. "He was only trying to rob me."
"So?" He stared at her. "I don't care, he still shouldn't have grabbed you!"
She patted him on the arm. "Put the sword away," she ordered. He wiped it off on the guy's shirt then put it back in its hiding spot. "Thank you, Xander. It was sweet of you to defend me." Her husband strolled up the street. "Oh, dear. He's going to be mean to that man." She grimaced. "Dear, Xander defended me already. He didn't even let me claw that idiot."
Baron Zemo kissed her on the cheek then smiled at Xander. "Thank you, Xander."
"No one should grab her."
"No one should," he agreed. "Why don't you two and the son go have a picnic?" Xander beamed and helped her gather food for that, grabbing the son and nanny to go. The baron looked at the poor idiot. "You're lucky he used a sword. I'm not that pleasant to those who try what is mine. What were you thinking?"
"He wasn't," a local officer said, hurrying over. "He wanted to rob them. The young one defended her with a sword, sir."
"He's very good with it." He looked down. The man was whining for mercy. "What makes you think I have any mercy?" he asked, looking amused again. The man passed out. "Better at least." He looked at the officer. "Forgive the young one. He's been kidnaped a lot in the past."
"We heard. Interpol told us, Baron. Have fun with helping him calm down." He got some help for the poor idiot while the Baron went to join his family on their picnic.
Xander moaned and held his head. "Ow. Oh, shit." He got handed some water and sipped. He blinked a few times. "Get your dad," he told the son, who went to find him. He came back. "It won't be Ultron taking out Sokovia. It'll be something worse," he said, staring at him, eyes watering.
Lavelle appeared, putting a hand on his head then nodding. "That's going to suck. Some of Stane's cohorts have some hidden Stark Tech they've put together wrong. It'll explode. It's just over the border and heading this way to go to Germany." He pointed. "Move the family. Today."
"I will do so. Dear, take Xander and the son with you to Xander's house in New York," he called. "Right now please." She gave him an odd look. "He had a vision. There's going to be a huge problem." She nodded. He took a kiss.
"I do not want to lose you," he said quietly, staring in her eyes. She nodded, gathering the son and nanny to go home and get their things to disappear. Lavelle helped. The Baron went to call someone. He did have some contacts.
"It is Zemo. I'm told some of Stane's cohorts have some remaining stolen Stark Tech and it will explode soon near us." He hung up and called some others to find that. Including Stark since he had gotten his number from Xander's phone. "Xander just had a vision of some of the things Stane had hidden being combined and exploding in Sokovia," he said in greeting.
He listened to Pepper splutter and tell Tony that. He got on to scan and told him where it was by the satellite scans and one thing's GPS. Zemo sent that memo out and they moved into action to save the people. He had to start the evacuation since the higher ups weren't. His team moved into action to confiscate that weapon. It was a nightmare. One he hadn't wanted to have but at least his family weren't nearby. Lavelle had moved them by magic according to the security system on the house.
Lavelle appeared inside SHIELD's op floor. "There's a weapon trying to explode in Sokovia. Some of the shit Stane and them had were put together wrong." Maria Hill started to make orders. "Xander had the vision, which aren't healthy to have. Zemo's family are all safe but him." He looked at Writer Xander.
"Are we talking like what Ultron would've?" he asked quietly, moving closer.
"I sure hope not." He disappeared, moving his people into better positions and having the future overlord of this new European Syndicate Union handling anything like the refugees they might have.
Tony Stark landed in his suit, looking at the found weapon. "Fuck, that's a Frankenmonster." He moved over. "First, it's got to be shielded. It has radiation. Gamma radiation," he announced. The nearby agents got further out. "Thanks." He looked then reached into it to turn off something. Which started something else. "It's like those puzzles you fix one thing and it turns on another until you're back at the beginning," he complained as he worked. Then he shot a few places and melted them. "Explosives boxes, people. I need about six right now."
"We have four," Zemo said. "We have crates that aren't safe and a hole." He handed over one.
"Back with you, you have kids. You don't need radiation." Zemo got out of the way. "Any idea which moron had this bad idea?" He ripped apart the various weapons, finding the center finally. "Fuck, that's nuclear." He looked. "I hate that shit," he muttered, putting down shielding devices when he found a timer.
"Move it, people. Timer in motion!" They fled for their lives. Including Zemo. Stark got that one disarmed barely, but the shield went around the explosive until he disarmed just that part. He sighed, checking for another backup then nodding. "It's clear," he called. "And I need to stick my boot up someone's ass then fire off the jets."
The military people came over to take the parts. "Oh, no, I don't trust *anyone* to hold that. I'm blowing it up. All the explosive parts are being blown up." He stared at them. "I don't want it to happen again." He shielded each one and blew it up there. The military weren't amused but it was safer and no one else could redo it. He got the last one and nodded, handing over the shell to Zemo. "Thank you for the warning."
"I'm glad he had the vision."
"Visions are painful and harmful but he'll hopefully never have another one." He looked around then at the military people. "Do we have the morons in custody?"
"It's a South African contact that Stane sold through," Zemo's second said, showing him the picture.
"Oh, great. Well, end him, boys. Let me know if I can help there too." He stepped back. "That shield will run for another two hours if you need it to. Let me know if you need me for another of these. I thought we got them all." He flew off.
Zemo looked at his second. "Get that idiot into a cell today," he ordered coolly. "He endangered my wife and son."
"Yes, Baron," he said with a nod. "He's already there and looking amused. We'll make sure he learns better."
"Good." He looked at the head of the military, who was wincing at him. "I will not allow such things to happen near my family. Or your families." He walked off with his commando team. They had to chase down that guy's links and stop them too. They found one weird link and decided to let that settle itself. Wakanda could deal with their own bastard royal offsprings.
Thankfully someone was already working on that and opened a lot of the dealings to them so they could end it. Lavelle was not pleased.
Xander looked up from helping Mrs. Zemo grocery shop with him, for her own safety, when someone came rushing toward him. "Not again!" She looked and huffed then pulled a gun and shot them in the calf. He looked at her. "I didn't think you were that much of a shooter." She smiled and handed him a zucchini. "Thanks. I can pan fry that later tonight."
"Just saute it."
"Of course! I'm not the guy who has to batter fry veggies. I learned what they were from the others. Who found out after they left home." He got them checked out and home before the NYPD even got there to handle the idiot. Or the FBI since that guy was an agent.
The kid was enjoying playing on the ropes course and Xander let them use the pool once he got back there to make sure the kid would be fine. He got the girls to come play too. They needed less serious times. Clint showed up to get some pool time too. Xander hit him on the arm, getting a grin back. "Was it handled?"
"Everyone's fine, Xander. It was disarmed. They found it by the time Stark got there and he disarmed and exploded a lot of it so it couldn't be used again." Xander grinned at that and nodded. "Relax. We've got it." He nodded.
"Xander, you got mail from those people in Brussels again," one of the young Widows said. "Those same ones who wanted you to be Natasha."
"What did they want this time?" he joked, looking at her. She was giving the mini Zemo a piggy back ride.
"They wanted you to take over SHIELD again," the other said.
Clint shook his head. "No thanks! We'd hate that!" He waved with a grin. The girls grinned at him for that. "Anything else?"
"I had to stop someone who asked if I was the Baron's mistress," Xander said dryly. "I pointed out he was married to a great wife he loved a lot and I was just hiding in his basement from evil shits who thought I should be a lap pet against my will. He was very brave to protect me."
Mrs. Zemo stared at him. "He is, yes, Xander, but it'll be fine. They know my Helmut would not cheat on me." She patted him on the cheek. "They would not want to see what I would do to him if he did. Go back to your laps." He nodded, doing that. She looked at Clint. "Which one were you?" she asked politely.
"Clint Barton, SHIELD," he said with a grin as he shook her hand. "I stay with Xander a lot and do a lot of his rescuing."
"That's sweet of you, dear. Son, let the girls play."
"We don't mind. We'll never have little brothers," one said with a pitiful look. "Or kids. They made sure of it." She growled at that.
"Russians," Clint told her quietly. "Very bad Russians. Pre-cold war to just stopped recently."
She looked at him. "Good!"
"Very. They were proud of stopping them." He grinned at the girls. "How's college going?"
"Slowly," the one with the boy on her back said. "I hate chemistry."
"Unless that's your major you only have to take the one class," Xander quipped.
Xander grinned. "I had it in high school stuff. I learned thermite and acids." He grinned. "Some useful chemistry. Plus I learned how to can stuff."
They shared a look. "More practical than the chemical makeup of fungus," they decided and went back to playing.
The young one looked over at the bark. "There's a dog?"
"That's Lucky. I rescued him. Lucky, come meet the kid." The golden retriever ran in to bark until the younger ones played with him. He grinned at the mother. "Lucky was owned by the Russian mob but I rescued him."
"It's good of you to do."
"They were really annoying and said 'Bro' a lot," he said dryly with a grin. "Not worthy of being Russian according to Natasha."
"Or European at all it sounds like," she agreed, looking amused. Her son fell in the water but he could swim and bounced back up to laugh and play with the dog some more. She sighed in pleasure, letting her son be a carefree little boy. And Xander be one too.
Xander was working out under her watch when her husband finally got there. She looked at him and he smiled, letting her kiss him. "We have a room, husband. I expect you in it now," she said in his ear then nipped it. He walked her off, shooting a grin at Xander for that excellent present. They would not make it to dinner.
His son could pout but his wife had to come first this time. He wouldn't pout for long, he was helping Xander do maintenance on the robotic dogs and had Lucky to play with. His wife only had him to play with. Loudly.
President Xander and Gabriel stood together, looking at the two warring sides. "People, if you don't quit, we're going to have to stay here to help the native me." He grinned. "While I'm missing my horses and my husband... they can travel. Dumass has a whole castle that travels realms when it's in emergency mode. It does come here every few weeks." The angels whined at that idea.
"Now, do we have to keep playing this game or can you quit acting like siblings fighting?" He looked around. One of them tried to attack him so he shot them. "Keep it up," he offered with a smile. "I can do worse. I've been told by two beings who had to escape hell on their own after being given against their wills how to get explosives onto many heaven and hell realms."
"We can't find a common ground," one of the demons said.
"Of course you can. You all agreed Sam and his winged Xander were scary, didn't you?" Gabriel asked. They shared a look then nodded. "You all agreed if Rosenburg went that far, there'd be a witch hunt." They nodded at that too. "See, two points of agreement." The demons were nodding they agreed with that. "So start there so humanity doesn't have to make more Rosenburgs."
"She is pregnant," Hunter Xander quipped. "With a lot of mood swings." He grinned at one angel. "Thanks for bringing her back!" That one shrank down. He looked at the others again. "Gabriel, Sividia Xander said to please not encourage anyone else to want to nominate him for anything. He had seen that one almost wish realm and it was horrifying that the angels had made him their version of God because he was a neutral being and not on any side."
Gabriel's eyes went wide and he scanned then whined and shook his head, muttering 'wrong' over and over. "Exactly. He said it was a nightmare AU realm and they were not going to let that become a full on vision. So please don't?" The demons looked at him.
"They took out a lot of angels for daring to come after the me on that realm, who was a tiny kid. So they had a mated pair running over heaven and hell on another realm. That way there was some removed space but also no inter-factional wars." He grinned. "I don't want it either before it comes up."
"Me either. I've been elected against my will for all the offices I've ever wanted," President Xander quipped. "Which one was tiny?"
"Redemption kid us. It was an closed realm to theirs."
President Xander blinked a few times. "I've only heard rumors."
"He can't come to conventions. His appearing on the convention realm might rip it apart or so he thinks."
"Okay, that's fine." He nodded at that. "Sure." He grinned at the staring angels. "From what little we know, he was one of the original two redemption kids." They shared a look then shook as a group.
"Dumass *so* wants to go book copying in his temple's library," Hunter Xander quipped. "But he did teach me to make better confining boxes. Their Sam and Dean were added in as later redemption kids too." He looked at the demons and angels. "We can always go visiting them to get ideas if you force us to."
They all shook their heads again. "Good idea!" He put up two thumbs with an evil smirk. "Excellent idea even." He put his hands back down. "So, do we have peace? You'll leave humanity alone?" The groups looked at each other.
"That's a third point of commonality. We can build from there," Gabriel said with a clap of his hands. "Can't we, people? Before we all fall to wacky crackhead Xander plans?" They all nodded and came forward to work out the new agreement.
President Xander hugged Hunter Xander and went home with Dumass and his new artifacts he had found lying around. His Draco was going to be swearing about that new bit of work but oh well! He had some fun.
Sividia Xander and Sam were back in their Sunnydale providing protection for the lower classes of demons while trying not to listen to those who didn't want them to spawn. Too late possibly but oh well!
President Xander climbed into bed next to his Ezra snuggly and fell asleep being comforted by what the worst version of politics looked like. Thankfully his people weren't that insane. It almost made Congress look like grownups when they fought.
Lavelle looked at the new head of his local syndicate and clapped him on the arm. "You have fun with all this that I built. Make sure things stay steady." He winked and disappeared before anyone could grab him.
Bastian went on a swearing rip. He had been spying on what was going on, not building his next job! But now he was in charge and to help things go better before Europe collapsed. He had no idea how the guy had done that but it was too interwoven. He'd have to carefully separate out some things so they were steadier. His bosses were going to be so pissed.
He called his handler to get some help. Benji would have a lot of yelling about this as he limped along on his crutches.
Writer Xander handed Maria Hill a letter. "From the mini us. Your higher ups are cranked." He winked. "We'll let you smooth out the rest of the wrinkles." He took Peter's hand and gathered their shared bag, triggering the stone to get them back to the convention realm and then home. Really, the agents acted worse than the kids on a sugar rampage did. It had been annoying but gave them both ideas.
Peter went to talk to some people about what had happened, summoning both Lorne and his nephew Mickey to a bar with his employer Robert. They all showed up and Peter brought them proper beers, then smiled. "We are back from that one realm."
"Early convention?" Mickey asked.
"No. The young one that the convention raised, he was having so many problems that we had to go rebuild all of their SHIELD, protect the European Union, remake their Dark Syndicate thanks to Lavelle, and then get the young one safely home." He sipped his beer while the others moaned. "Thankfully that SHIELD will stay solid now." He grinned at Lorne.
"I don't want to know why you're looking at me like that," he complained.
"Because you now head that agency. Simms was known for taking dirty CIA agents out via their poisoned coffees." Mickey choked at that. "So we nominated you thanks to my mate's brilliance." He grinned.
Lorne put down the mug of beer. "I feel very sorry for that version of me and glad we don't have one here."
Robert looked at Peter. "Your mate has apparently warped you."
"The agents acted worse than our children do when they were high on sugar with new toys," he said dryly. "My mate used an electro whip on one acting up and they rated how pretty it was." Robert moaned, shaking his head. "That whole agency needed much help. Thankfully Xander fixed it his own way." Lorne shuddered. "So you there could fix it his own way." He smiled.
"I must seem like an angel of mercy after your husband." He finished that beer and took Peter's to drink too.
Mickey looked at his uncle. "Thank you for not having thoughts about me."
"I checked. Both of you died handling a situation in '86 that was harming people you were protecting." Robert moaned because he knew what had probably caused that. "Exactly." He grinned. "We had the easy spot. Some of the Xanders went to a world where they're having an end time battle to fix it." He grinned.
"President him convinced the angels to quit trying to destroy humanity. Hell was crying thanks to a different Xander, and they all agreed to leave humanity alone before their natural Xander turned into either one of them." Lorne got up to get them all more beers.
"Thank you. I needed this." He took a big drink. "I found one we need to check on the status of," he told Lorne. "In his own world he was going to blow a nuclear bomb up to reorganize Europe. He may be a movie here but I'm not certain."
"Let me have the name once I'm sober and I'll look him up."
"Gladly. I do not want him to become my Xander's minion the way he was given to that hormone suffering one." Robert looked so confused so Peter told him about GHS. Robert sipped his beer quietly, considering how bad that had to be.
"That could be the stuff they tested on Paulina," Mickey told his boss, who nodded at that. "If so, I hope she found a nice lover."
"Hopefully. She had a husband and one on the side," Robert said. He finished his first beer and got into his second one since Lorne hadn't stolen it yet. This really was very bad news for that poor realm. Or any other realm that it took a Xander to fix.
Here A Xander, There A Xander, Everywhere A Xander